Home Screenwriting Products Screenwriter Community Screenwriting Store
ScriptBuddy - Screenwriting Software for the Web

Screenwriter Community

Back to List of Published Screenplays
View/Leave Feedback

SHOES: A Retail Story
by Joseph Allen White and Anne Elizabeth Whaley (joewhite404@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: 0 stars
He partied through his freshmen year... But can he party through his summer job?

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


1989 Ford Probe pulls into large shopping center parking
lot. There's a movie theater on the right, some small
restaurants and shops, and in the center of it all is JUST
FOR FEET - the only 2 story section of the strip. The front
wall is all glass, basketball court inside, lots of lights
and colors. Joe turns off the car.
This should be interesting...
Joe gets out of the car. He is a 19 year old man, about 6
feet tall, athletic, wearing t-shirt, corduroy shorts and
birkenstock sandals. He stares up and down at the JFF
storefront. Walks toward front doors.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe walks through the front doors. Breakfast At Tiffany's is
blaring over the loud speakers. Joe is greeted by Paul, a
very tall young man with multiple earrings in both ears,
wearing a backwards ball cap, JFF t-shirt and long jean
shorts that hang off his ass.
Welcome to Just For Feet where
your 13th pair is FREE!
actually looking for jobby-job.
The working kind.
I love it, follow me sir.
Paul takes Joe down a few steps and we can see how massive
the store really is. They pass the half-basketball court,
many different clothing sections - Nike, Reebok, etc. In the
center of it all is a cashier station - almost set up like a
wrap around bar. There are 3 young ladies working the
register, as well as a tall, heavy-set, man with shaved head
and goatee, named Bubba - the Manager. Bubba also has
numerous earrings and a few visible tattoos.


Hey Bubba, this gentleman here
would like to fill out an
application to join our little
The 3 girls turn to look at Joe, one of them, Anne gives him
an up & down. Bubba reaches under the counter and pulls out
an application.
Here you go. Go back to the snack
bar and fill this out, then we can
talk about it.
Will do. Thanks.
Joe walks away.
Joe and Bubba sit on bar stools on the same side of the
angled snack bar. There is an old-school popcorn machine
churning on the other side. Bubba reads over Joe's
application, intermittently looking up at Joe - silently
So, you've sold shoes before huh?
Tell me about that.
Well my first job ever was at
Koenig Sporting Goods and the best
section to work in was the shoe
department, so I learned
everything I could about shoes,
and became the resident "shoe
specialist" there.
Why was the shoe department the
Mainly because there were always
two people working shoes, so you
weren't off wandering by yourself
half the time.


Not much of a loner huh?
Joe ponders this question for a moment...
Uhhh... I mean...
Joe is visibly baffled.
I'm just fuckin' with you dude!
Chill out, it's cool. So you're
looking to work over the summer
before you head back to... Bowling
You got it. And then possibly over
the holidays and breaks and shit.
Oops, I mean...
Chill, I already threw you an
F-bomb! So how was your first year
in college? You party like a rock
star or what?
Uhh.. A little I guess. But school
always came first.
                                         FLASHBACK TO:
Joe is reading a textbook at his desk - in a tiny room. A
bunk bed on the far wall. A small, 2 seat-er couch, with
green & black upholstery from the 70s. On the book shelf
above Joe's desk, there is a collection of Natural Light and
Mountain Dew cans presented in an alternating fashion.
Freddy Jones Band: Hold On To Midnight plays on the stereo.
The door slams open. A young man barges in.
Joe White! What the fuck are you
Studying fuckhead!


What are you listening to?
Its Freddy Jones Band, you like
Ummm, no because I don't like
sucking cock. Its gay dude.
Whip it out dude, I'll show you
what I'm made of right here!
Fuck off... Got a party to get to.
Roach nods his head. Joe slams his book shut.
Let's roll.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe puts his hands on the top ring of the keg and is
surrounded by a huge crowd of drunk college students. 2 guys
grab his legs behind him and raise him upside down. Everyone
                                         CUT TO:
The lights are off. Joe is in bed on the bottom bunk, half
covered by his sheets. Alarm clock on the floor goes off
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! Joe reaches down frantically trying to
find the clock without looking. It's 7:30am. Joe turns off
the clock.
                                         DISSOLVE TO:
Joe is still in bed. The light coming through the curtain is
much brighter now. He kicks his sheets off and sits up in
Holy shit.


Joe reaches down and picks up his clock. It's 1:00pm.
                                         CUT TO:
Sunglasses At Night is blaring, bass is powerful. Disco
lights flashing, place is packed. Joe, in the center of
dance floor, starts lip syncing, with sunglasses on, even
though it's quite dark. The crowd gives him room to move, he
gets really into it.
Don't switch the blade on the guy
in shades Oh No!!! Don't
masquerade with the guy in shades
Oh No!!!
A hot young girl dances up to him. Joe lifts his shades and
begins singing to her, face covered with sweat, slightly out
of breath. He pulls her close and they start to grind.

She pulls his face towards her, and they begin to make out
in the middle of the dance floor.
                                         CUT TO:
Room is dark, light creeps in from behind curtain. Clothes
scattered around room. Joe lies in bed with a girl's head
resting on his chest. Joe's eyes open slowly, he scans the
room. He looks down to see the sleeping girl's face. Looks
back to the ceiling with a self-approving grin.
                                         CUT TO:
It's winter, snowing. Joe's Ford Probe pulls in the snow
covered driveway. He gets out of the car, leaves it running.
Walks up to the house, checks the garage to see there's only
one car in there, grabs key hanging by the garage door, goes
into the house.
                                         CUT TO:


Joe wipes his wet feet on the mat in the kitchen. Nice
house, very clean, Christmas decorations all around.

Joe reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a folded
piece of paper. Walks to kitchen table, unfolds paper
revealing 2 pieces, lays them side by side on table.

One is his 1st Semester Grade Report. B-, F, F, D, F. GPA:

The 2nd is a note that reads: I'm very sorry...
So school came first, but I
partied enough!
When can you start?
                                         CUT TO:
Joe is wearing jeans, tennis shoes and an un-tucked JFF
T-Shirt, being led around store by Paul.
So what's your story Joe-Joe?
First year at Bowling Green is in
the books, so its summer job
central, ya know.
Sweet, sweet, love it. Well, we're
a pretty laid back group here.
Just be cool with everyone and
everyone will be cool with you.
Paul looks back at Joe and puts his finger over his lips,
then sneaks up behind a tall, lanky young man.
Except for...
Paul swings and punches the guy in the kidney, dropping him
instantly to the ground.


Joe looks on in shock? Chuckles a little. Paul laughs
      (looking down at
Whassup Pon! Gotcha good there
didn't I? Ha ha!
Paul and Joe continue walking around the store.
Is his name Pawn? What fuck is
Nah. His name is Chris, but we
call him Pon. P-O-N. Pon.
Ever heard of Toxic Shock
Toxic Shock Syndrome, or TSS, is a
rare condition that some women get
in reaction to tampons.
                                         FLASHBACK TO:
                       PAUL (V.O.)
We hang at Cory's most nights
after work. And after a little of
"this" and a little of "that", we
have out little pow-wows out on
the deck.
Paul, Cory, Anne, Jamal, Elaine and Pon sit around in a
circle on the small 2nd story balcony.


                       PAUL (V.O.)
You know, just telling crazy
stories and shit. Well one night
we invited Pon...We got him all
fucked up.
I got one, I got one!
Pon waves his hands to grab attention. He closes his eyes
and shakes his head.
You guys ever heard of TSS?
Yea dude. Apparently over spring
break of his freshmen year in high
school, the dude stuck a tampon up
his ass and got TSS!
You're fucking kidding me!
No dude, he told us the whole
story. His mom found him an hour
later, naked, convulsing on the
floor with the fucking string
hanging out of his ass! So
tam...PON, that's his name.
So anyway, why'd you wanna work
I had to get a job somewhere
You had to huh?


Oh yea, gotta prove the work ethic
to the rents this summer, they
won't even let me work during
They won't let you?
Nah, they're afraid I'll flunk
out. And I still almost did.
Impressive. I think.
My name is Joe and I like beer and
chicks. My apologies to the world!
Paul leads Joe to the back of the store... The SHOE WALL,
which spreads entire length of the store and is about 10
feet tall. Thousands of shoes on display, every color of the
spectrum, spotlights shining down on them. There is a
"stage" in front of the Shoe Wall, it's about 3 steps up
from the rest of the store, bright red carpet covers it and
the benches throughout.

A young, skinny kid, 18 or so, whizzes out of the back room
carrying 5 boxes of shoes. He systematically sets one pair
down in front of 5 different people, removing the box lid
each time.
That's Cory.

Cory looks up and strolls over.
Cory, this is the new guy, Joe.
Joe, Cory.
Joe and Cory shake hands. Cory is slightly out of breath,
his eyes bloodshot.
Whassup Joe, welcome, welcome.
Thanks man, good to be here.


You coming over tonight?
Sure... I guess?
Cool, cool.
Cory hustles back to his 5 separate customers.
What does he mean?
Oh, he's just welcoming you to the
fam dude.
                                         CUT TO:
Paul leads Joe down to the cashier's station.
And over here is the cubby hole,
aka cashier's station, where the
cool chicks hang.
Ladies, How's it going? throwing
me some sales as always right?
Paul wraps his long arms around Anne and Elaine for a big
hug, squeezing them tight. They wiggle free.
We love you too, but not that much
big guy. And yes, your sales are
surprisingly good today,
considering you haven't sold dick!
So who's the FNG?
Ladies, this Joe from Bowling
Green. Joe, this is the ladies.
Anne blushes a bit and extends her hand.
Hi, I'm Anne.


And I'm Elaine. How goes it?
Joe shakes both their hands.
Pleasure is mine. And it goes okay
so far. So, summer jobs for you
guys too?
      (bright open eyes)
Yep, savin' up for college in the
Nice! I just finished my first
year at BG. Fucking awesome.
Really? Hmm, I'm headed to Toledo!
Joe nods with a grin.
Nice! That's right down the road.
We might bump into each other.
That would be cool.
What about you Elaine, it's Elaine
Yeah, good memory. One more year
of high school for me... It's ass.
Okay, either of you working
Anne smiles, and raises her right hand to face level. Joe
Then I will see you, tomorrow!
But we will see you, first. You
gotta hit Cory's tonight right?


Oh yea, definitely. I'm in. Till
then ladies.
Paul leads Joe off to the front of the store.
Crushing already Anne?
Shut up!
                                         CUT TO:
Cory, Joe, Paul, Anne, Elaine, and Jamal sit around a wrap
around couch. Cory has a 5 foot bong held to his mouth. Paul
ignites a lighter and begins to light the bowl.
Here's to another Gold Foot for
Cory today.
The bong fills with cloudy white smoke.
Gold Foot?
It's a sales incentive that no one
but Cory has ever won. If you can
sell $4,000 of shoes in one day,
you get a Gold Foot and you get
$200 bonus tacked onto your
Holy shit. I'm lucky to make $200
a week? But four grand in a day?
How in the fuck?
The bong is completely full of white smoke now. Cory
continues to suck on it.


And Cory usually gets 2 or 3 a
Cory taps on the bong and nods his head.
Here we go...
Paul lifts the bowl out of the base of the bong. He then
places his thumb over the valve.
      (to Cory)
Suck hard.
Cory sucks hard on the bong. The cloudy smoke doesn't move.
Cory nods, still sucking on the bong. Paul releases his
thumb and all 5 feet of thick, cloudy smoke shoot up the
bong tube and into Cory's lungs. Cory takes his mouth off
the bong and sits it on the table while holding his breath.
Joe is shocked.
Holy SHIT! My lungs hurt just
watching that!
Oh just wait till he exhales.
Yea, this shit is sick dude. We've
got time though, you ready Joe?
      (to Anne)
Ladies first, you wanna go?
Oh no, no thanks.
Paul leans back putting his arm around Anne.
Anne's our little Goody-Two-Shoes,
but we love her don't we.


Yea, Goody-two-shoes, whatever,
give me another beer!
OK, give it here. But I'm not in
Cory's league apparently, so go
easy on me.
I gotcha pal.
Joe grabs the bong and holds it to his mouth. Paul lights it
and it begins filling with smoke. It fills to about the
half-way mark.
Ready big-dog?
Joe nods. Paul pulls the bowl out and Joe immediately
inhales the smoke. Joe's eyes close and he holds the bong
out away from him. Jamal quickly grabs it.

Joe makes some weird noises, his eyes still closed. Joe
starts to cough violently as he exhales all the smoke. His
eyes are still closed.
He said go easy on him Paul!
I did! You saw, I only filled it
up half-way! Joe, drink a beer!
Paul hands Joe a beer. Joe reaches for it with his eyes
still closed, grabs it and takes a drink. He swallows,
squeezes his eyes tight. Then slowly opens them.

Cory still has yet to exhale.
      (weak voice)
Watch Cory.
All eyes turn to Cory, who has been holding his breath for
over a minute. He exhales loudly, as if he'd been under
water. No smoke comes out of his mouth.
Oh yea baby!


Right on!
Joe's jaw drops and his eyes bug out in amazement.
                                         CUT TO:
It's Pow-Wow time peeps!
      (to Joe)
Prepare to be enlightened!
Anne takes a seat on a trash can turned upside down, Paul
has the lazy boy chair, and Elaine, Cory and Joe take up an
old beat up couch looking over the sidewalk.
      (finishing a
       lavish story)
...I kid you not, it was my fourth
drive across country to California
and back, when I camped out under
the Joshua Tree, phenomenal
Joe stretches out to give Paul a high-five.
That's fucking awesome dude!
You're up new guy! Welcome to the
Pow-Wow.. Any story will do,
funny, sad, crazy as fuck,
whatever works out here on the
Anne's face lightens up as she waits for Joe's response.
I don't know man, that was a hard
one to follow - fucking Joshua
Tree and shit! Someone else go.
Anne you go!
Oh no, newbie! You're up! I'm more
of the spectator anyway.


C'mon! You tell me a story and I
promise! I will give you one back.
Anne gives Joe a dirty look.
Yours better be good! Okay, here
Holy shit, we finally get an Anne
story!?!?! Way to go Joe!
Well supposedly when I was 4 and
in preschool I performed a solo
during the Christmas recital...
                                         FLASHBACK TO:
A small girl with pigtails, dressed in a red velvet dress
sings Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Had a very shiny nose - LIKE A
And of course the number one rule
we were told prior to starting was
we were not allowed to sing the
ad-libs... the whole audience
busted out laughing!
Everyone laughs. Joe nudges Anne's shoulder.
Nice job kid!
Thanks, your turn!
Alrighty-then! This one happened
just a few months back.


Tits & ass kinda story!?
Elaine punches Cory in the arm.
Ewh, let 'em speak!
Ummm...Sort of. Okay, so I hooked
up with this chick at her house.
All night her roommate kept
telling me not close the bathroom
door, because it won't open from
the inside, so if I gotta take a
leak, don't close the fucking door
right? Well, I pass the fuck out
with this chick, wake up, middle
of the night about to piss myself.
Stumble into the bathroom and slam
the damn door! And I realize it
immediately! Lucky for me, roomy
needed to use it right after, so
she let me out. Pretty sure she
called me a dipshit though.
Lucked out there. That can't be it
Oh no dude, so a few hours later I
have to go again, and this time,
no such luck. Door slams, and I'm
fucking trapped in this bathroom!
It's like 4am, so everyone's
passed out. I ponder my options
for a bit, but ended up busting
open the window, crawling out to
the ledge and dropping 10 feet
onto my back in the mud! I
couldn't breathe for like 10
minutes! Then I just walked my sad
ass home. Never talked to the
chick again...
Nice Joe. Nice.
That's what I'm talkin' about! Joe
is officially accepted into the
patio pow-wows!!


                                         CUT TO:
Joe is sprawled out in his queen sized bed, half covered by
a sheet only. It is the typical high school/college guy's
bedroom - messy, clothes on the floor. Michael Jordan poster
on one wall, Anna Nicole Smith poster on another. Desk and
dressers, covered with junk.

There's the sound of a lawn mower in the background.

The door opens, Joe's Mom, Ginny enters the room. She is
about 40 years old, in good shape, attractive woman.
Joe, it's almost noon. What time
do you have to work today?
Joe rolls over in bed. He rubs his eyes then stares at the
You know it's almost noon? What
time do you work today? What time
did you get home last night? Where
were you?
Too many questions... I work at
two today... I ended up going over
to a co-workers place last night.
A whole group went. It was cool.
Any cute girls there?
I don't know mom, geez. Sometimes
I think you want me to get laid
more than I do!
Oh shush your mouth! Geezer pete!
Get up, I'll make you something to


Ginny leaves the room. Joe sits up in bed. Opens and closes
his eyes a few times. Rubs them. Thinks for a moment.
      (to himself)
What time did I get home last
                                         CUT TO:
Joe walks into the kitchen. Ginny is at the counter, cutting
out a big piece of lasagna from a Tupperware dish. She puts
it in the microwave. Joe pours himself a cup of coffee and
sits down at the table.
I made this lasagna last night, it
was soooo good!
Lasagna? You trying to pork me up
this summer mom?
Oh it's good for you.
Ginny takes the plate out of the microwave and sets it in
front of Joe with fork and napkin.
Sorry mom, but beef, cheese and
noodles is not "good for you".
This is. I used low-fat beef,
low-fat cheese, and the tomato
sauce has all sorts of vitamins
and good stuff in it.
Joe looks down at the plate. The grease is oozing away from
the lasagna and covering the rest of the plate.
Low fat huh?
Would you just make your poor mom
feel good and eat please?
Joe nods and forks into it. Blows on it for a few seconds
and takes a bite. His facial expression shows approval.


Holy shit that's fucking good!
Watch your mouth!
My abs be damned!
Joe continues to eat. His dad, Jim, walks in from outside.
He's wearing a t-shirt and shorts, drenched in sweat and
grass clippings.
Well, well, morning sunshine!
Hey Dad what's up?
What's up is I just mowed the
lawn. You know why I mowed the
Trick question?
I mowed it because my strapping
young son, who prides himself on
being a fitness buff, was too lazy
to get out of bed and do it for
I would have done it. I'll do it
the rest of the summer, I promise.
You better... What time do you
work today anyway?
                                         CUT TO:
Joe walks out from the stock room with 3 orange Nike boxes
in his hands, walks over to a young teenager and his dad who
are sitting on the center bench of the SHOE STAGE.


Now we didn't have an eleven and a
half in that one, but I one-upped
you, so fear not.
One-upped us huh? How much more is
that going to cost?
You can't put a price tag on your
son's athletic success sir. These
shoes very well could lead to a
long and profitable NBA career and
I just might ask for a cut down
the road...
I don't play basketball, these are
just for school.
Well, I'm pretty sure they'll make
you smarter too... Play anything?
Joe gets visibly excited and reaches up his hand for a
high-five. The teenager sticks up his hand and Joe slaps it
WORD UP!! I played Volleyball in
High School! Captain of the
varsity team my Junior year and I
credit it all to wearing shoes
like these!
                                         CUT TO:
Joe and Anne are up in front of the store near the entrance
in the "clearance" section - a small square section with
stacks of shoe boxes all around and a large table in the
middle covered with stacks of shoe boxes. The music is
especially loud up front.
So how's it going so far?


Working here? Easy enough really.
Can't say I've accomplished too
Don't worry, I've been hooking you
up with some sales.
What do you mean?
Well you know how you write your
number on every box you sell?
Well, I get quite a few boxes at
the register with no number, so I
just mark your number on them.
Really? That's awesome, thanks! Do
you do that for everyone?
Not really. I've just noticed that
your sales have pretty much
plummeted recently. You'd be
surprised at how much management
pays attention. I didn't want you
getting in trouble.
Really?! I had no idea they were
even paying attention, because
there have been a couple days when
I went out of my way not to sell
anything, and no one said a word.
Yea, I noticed! I think you can
thank me for that!
Well thanks. Wait, what's this?
Joe stops and listens to the song that's coming on. It's
Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind. He starts pumping his
hips along with the beat. Anne looks on with a grin,
constantly scanning the surroundings for management, or


      (lip syncing)
I'm packed and I'm holding, I'm
smiling, she's living, she's
golden and she lives for me, She
says she lives for me, Ovation,
She's got her own motivation,
she comes round and she goes down
on me...
He lip syncs perfectly staring into Anne's eyes. She sees a
customer walking into the clearance section behind Joe. She
points to let him know. Joe turns to the customer.
      (lip syncing)
I want something else, I'm not
listening when you say, Good-bye.
The customer laughs at Joe as he continues his
"performance." Joe turns back to Anne, then bolts toward the
back of the store.
Joe carries his performance throughout the store, stops into
the cashier's station and lip syncs to the purchasing
customers while the cashier's just laugh and shake their
      (lip syncing)
It won't stop, I won't come down,
I keep stock, with a tick tock
rhythm and a bump for the drop,
And then I bumped up. I took the
hit I was given, then I bumped
again, and then I bumped again...
He then runs up to the stage and hops up on a bench and
performs the chorus - very energetically!
Paul, Cory, Jamal and other salespeople are all on the stage
working with customers. But everyone is paying attention to
      (to customer)
Ya see, that's what happens when
you work here too long. And he's
only been here for a month!
Anne looks on from below the stage, shaking her head and
laughing hysterically.


                                         CUT TO:
Joe sits in a chair across from Ryan Beal, the General
Manager, sitting at his desk. Bubba stands behind him. Ryan
is a thinner version of Bubba, shaved head, goatee, earrings
and visible tattoos.
So that was quite the performance
you put on today.
I... I uh, was just trying to...
You know, lighten the mood?
Well, it was pretty fuckin' sweet!
I was laughing my ass off!
I was watching you from up here
while the owner Jack was talking
to me and about pissed myself,
trying to make sure he didn't turn
All three have a good laugh.
So I'm not in trouble?
Hell no, are you kidding?!
We were gonna go sing some karaoke
tonight, you wanna come with?
Sure, sounds good. I'm not 21
though, you know that right?
Don't worry, we're regulars.
You're good.
                                         CUT TO:


Joe seems to be the last person in the store and is about to
walk out the door. He puts his hand on his chest, his name
badge is missing.
Ahh shit.
He quickly turns around and jogs back to the stock room.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe enters the stock room slowly. He hears singing in the
background. Its "Hold On To Midnight" by Freddy Jones Band.
                       ANNE (Off Camera)
Running on the needles working,
pass the bottle of reason. I know
the blanket of feeling...
Joe nods his head, he's impressed as he follows the voice.
He sees its Anne and pauses to listen.
I hear the stars are in season!
Joe takes over singing.
Hold on to Midnight! Feeling
strong at the wrong time.
Anne turns around startled, then smiles to see Joe singing.
Joe pauses after his lines of the chorus, nods to Anne.
      (singing -
Hold on to MIDNIGHT!! Feeling
strong at the wrong time!
Burning cold the daughter, shine
your light on the ceiling. Black
cat testing water, darkness father


Neon lights on the border, it's
hard to see in the morning. Drag
your feet to the pouring, tired
hands dropping quaters!
                       JOE & ANNE
      (singing together)
Hold on to midnight!! Feeling
strong at the wrong time! Hold on
to MIDNIGHT!! Feeling strong at
the wrong time!
How in the hell do you know Freddy
Jones Band?
How do you!? I thought I was the
only one!
That song especially! I was once
called gay for listening to that
song in my dorm, but I don't even
care. Love that song!
Me too! What are you doing back
here anyway?
Left my name badge. We sing pretty
good together huh?
Yea, we do.
Speaking of which, I'm off to go
sing karaoke with Ryan and Bubba
tonight! Should be crazy! Have a
good night.
You too!
Joe runs off. Anne smiles and blushes with excitement.
                                         CUT TO:


Joe is riding in the back seat of Bubba's car - a 1985
yellow Buick skylark. Ryan is in the front passenger seat.
They pull into a drive-thru liquor store.
Whatcha drinkin' Joe?
Oh I don't care, Bud Light?
      (to the clerk)
We'll take a case of Bud Light my
good sir.
                                         CUT TO:
Bubba pulls into the parking lot of Rudy's Pub - a complete
dive bar. Bubba and Ryan get out, and Joe tries to shuffle
all the empty beer cans that surround his flip-flops, as he
makes his way out of the back seat. The sound of clanking
tin cans is quite loud.
We did a number on that case
didn't we. There's only one left!
Joe, guzzle that last beer before
we go in.
Joe lifts the last beer, gazes at it for a moment.
No problem!
Joe sits in the front passenger seat with the door open and
his feet on the ground. He cracks open the final Bud Light
and begins to chug. Trying to impress, he guzzles the whole
thing without stopping.
NICE WORK! Joe's going to fit in


Now let's see if he sings as well
as he dances...
                                         CUT TO:
It is a smoke filled dive bar. Not only is Joe the youngest
person by far, but apparently so are Bubba & Ryan. Most seem
to be in their 30's and 40's. They sit at a table in the
center of the place - great seats to view the 40-something
cougar that's singing "I Will Survive". There are three
pitchers of beer on the table and Joe, Bubba & Ryan look
through the karaoke books.
You gotta get up there and sing
I'm on it! How about a little
Fuck yea bro! For real?
Joe jots something down on a small piece of paper and takes
it up to the karaoke host.
I gotta hear this kid do a Hootie
song! Nuts!
No shit!
                       KARAOKE HOST
Okay, let's give Theresa a big
round of applause!
The whole bar claps and cheers as the cougar steps down off
the small stage and back into the smoke filled crowd.
                       KARAOKE HOST
Okay, let's get... "Jo-Jo the
Dancing Bear" up here! Come on
Dancing bear huh?


Joe is just too boring!
Joe walks up onto the stage as people cheer, clap, whistle
and yell. He looks out into the audience - looks more like a
bright white cloud of smoke as a spotlight shines in his

The music starts for "Let Her Cry". Joe misses the first two
...alone by a lamp post. Trying to
find a thought that's escaped her
      (to Ryan)
Not too bad so far...
Ryan nods in agreement.

As Joe goes into the chorus, he stops looking at the words
and belts out the chorus.
Let her cry! If the tears fall
down like rain - let her sing! If
it eases all her pain - let her
go! Let her walk right out on me!
The place erupts! A few people are on their feet cheering.

Theresa, the cougar walks up to Bubba & Ryan's table and
sits down.
So guys, who's your little friend?
      (still watching
That's fucking Joe! And he's
fucking awesome!!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!
How old is he?


Theresa continues to sit in Joe's seat as they all watch Joe
perform. Theresa stares gazingly the whole time.
Joe finishes the song and immediately hands the mic back to
the host and steps off the stage. The entire place cheers. A
few people give him high-fives and pat him on the back as he
walks back to the table. He sees Theresa sitting in his
chair, he sits next to her.
That was great sweetie! Are you in
a band or something?
Nope! That was my first time
singing in front of anybody! It
Bubba and Ryan stay quiet and watch Theresa flirt with Joe.
It was pretty awesome. You have a
great voice. I'm Theresa.
She offers her hand to be kissed. Joe reaches up and shakes
Joe. Nice to meet you. You sang
good too.
Oh you're sweet.
                       KARAOKE HOST
Bubba & Ryan come on up!
A duet huh? I knew you guys were
gay! HA!
Bubba and Ryan stand up proudly and walk up to the stage.
Quite few people yell out their names - this isn't their
first time here.

The music starts, it's "Wanted Dead or Alive"...

Theresa gets up and jumps into Joe's lap, putting her arm
around his neck.
Oh I love this song, don't you?


Bubba & Ryan must perform this song often, they don't even
look the words and alternate lines...
It's all the same...
Only the names will change!
      (in Theresa's ear)
Looks like they've done this
before huh?
Theresa looks back at Joe and stares deep into his eyes.
Every week...
They're here that ofen?
And so am I...
Theresa inches her face closer to Joe's, he just stares into
her eyes. They begin to kiss, passionately, it's hot. Joe's
hands on her back, his right slides down onto her butt.

She stops for a second and gives Joe a "dirty look" and then
back to kissing.

Bubba and Ryan finish their song, everyone cheers, they come
back to the table - Joe & Theresa still making out. Theresa
looks up.
Well hello boys. You wanna do some
The waitress brings a round Jack Daniels shots. They all
toast and down the hatch.
                                         DISSOLVE TO:


Joey! JOEY!! Wake up!!!
Joe's eyes open. He's standing over his sleeping father and
he hears the sound of splattering liquid.
Joey! Joey!! What are you
Joe realizes that he's in the middle of peeing on his dad.
      (to himself)
Oh shit...
Joe pinches it, puts his penis back in his boxers and runs
out of the room and returns to his bedroom.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe is sprawled out in his bed, half covered by a sheet. His
hair is a mess. He opens his eyes and looks around the room.
He rubs his eyes.
What the fuck happened last
Joe sits up and puts his feet on the floor. Rests his face
in his hands. Breathes in and out heavily. Gets up and
walks towards the kitchen. He hears his parents outside.
They just returned from Church.
      (Off Camera)
Oh it's funny, just laugh about
      (Off Camera)
You think it's funny because he
didn't pee on you!
Joe stops in his tracks. His eyes open wide and his jaw
drops open.
      (to himself)
Fuck me...


                                         CUT TO:
The back patio is a wooden deck off the sliding door leading
to brick pavers that cover about a half-court of the yard.
It's all surrounded by very intricate gardening, flowers,
plants, etc. Jim & Ginny are in the middle of a
conversation, when Joe slides the patio door open and steps
outside. He's just taken a shower and is wearing shorts and
a t-shirt. There's a look of shame upon him.
Hey Joe, why don't you come over
here and close your eyes for a
Ginny slaps Jim on the shoulder.
Jim, shush your mouth!
Joe looks at Jim with his mouth puckered - speechless. He
just shakes his head.
Did you stop by the bathroom on
your way out here? I don't want to
get wet this morning! HA!
They all have a good laugh. Joe walks out and sits down in a
chair across from them.
I don't even know what to say... I
am so sorry, I have no idea -
Well, you could say you were sorry
I am SOOOO sorry Dad! I have no
I think I've got an explanation.
And it's the same one as why you
wreak of booze this late in the


Where were you last night? Who
were you with? What were you
I actually went out with my
general manager and assistant
manager. We went to a Karaoke bar.
Oh did you sing!?!?
Yea, I sang a couple times. It was
And they served you? What the
Jim! It's Sunday!
Yea, Ryan & Bubba are regulars
there, so they didn't even ask for
But I would assume your managers
know you're not 21!
Yea, but they also know I'm a
college student.
Well, you'll be doing a lot LESS
drinking next year. Especially if
you keep spending all your money
over the summer!
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about your spending
money for next year. It's whatever
you've got in the bank at the end
of the summer.


What!? Mom?!
Well Joe, we discussed it, and we
decided that aside from your
campus meal plan and the dorm,
that's all we're going to pay for.
But... What about... Ya know,
books and stuff?
We will reimburse you for books,
but I want to see reciepts.
Joe is visibly upset. He just shakes his head in
Is this because of last night?
Seriously, I'll lay down right
here - you can piss on my face! I
don't care!
It has nothing to do with last
night... Though it certainly
didn't help your case! This is
about you getting everything you
wanted last year and you almost
flunked out! We're not paying for
you to party, we're paying for an
education so you can get a REAL
                                         CUT TO:
Joe is casually strolling through one of the clothing
sections with Pon, who is on roller blades.
So... I heard you hooked up with
some older chick last night?
That's awesome!
What? How...?


Trust me, there's not secret
keeping here man. I'm sure you
know why they call me Pon?
Oh yea, right. Geez. Did that
really happen to you dude? TSS?
It's too late now, everyone knows.
Well if it makes you feel any
better, I might have one-upped you
last night.
No sorry, but hooking up with a
hot cougar is not quite in the
same ballpark as getting caught
with a tampon up your ass.
They both kind of chuckle and shake their heads.
No, I'm talking about what
happened after I got home...
                                         FLASHBACK TO:
                       JOE (V.O.)
I've been known to sleep walk when
I get really shit-faced...
Joe gets out of bed wearing boxer shorts, the light of the
moon shines through the windows. He walks to the door, then
walks right into his parent's room and around their bed and
stands over Jim as he sleeps.
                       JOE (V.O.)
Let me just say how much I love my
Dad. Truly, I'd do anything for
Joe's eyes are open the whole time. He pulls his penis out
as if he were standing at a urinal. The sound of the
spattering liquid begins.


                       JOE (V.O.)
My Mom must have heard the
Joey! Joey!! What are you doing!!
Pon cracks up laughing and Joe kind of chuckles along with
So then my Dad wakes up a moment
later and feels that he's all wet.
He said the entire right side of
his body was soaked. So he thought
he must have pissed himself, but
he feels his crotch and it's dry,
so he's all confused.
Pon is biting his lip to keep from laughing out loud. He's
got tears forming.
So he gets up and my Mom calls his
name and he says "What the hell
happened?" And my Mom just yells
back at him: "Joey peed all over
Pon's laughter busts out and he immediately looses control
of his Rollerblades and they fly up in the air and he lands
on his back.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe carries a stack of 4 orange Nike boxes up to the
cashier's station. He is followed by a middle aged Mom and
her 4 young sons, all wearing soccer uniforms. He sits the
box down at Anne's register.
Okay guys, remember what I said,
these shoes along with a lunar
eclipse will give you the power to
fly. So if you start to float
away, what do you do?
                       CUSTOMER KIDS
      (All 4 of them)


That's right, cuz it's dangerous
to look at an eclipse of the sun!
                       MOM CUSTOMER
Thanks Joe.
Joe turns around to Anne and winks at her, she smiles back
at him. He starts to walk away.
Joe turns around quickly and raises his eyebrows. Anne
points at him.
I have to talk to you.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe and Anne sit at the snack bar eating lunch. An empty
Subway bag in between them.
Thanks for picking up lunch for
No problem. I hope you enjoy your
mayonaisse sandwich!
      (mouth full)
Oh it's good. Mmmmmm!
Joe gives her a disturbed look.
What would you like on the 6 inch
Turkey? Oh just Mayonnaise. Okay,
and what else? Well, a little
more mayo and that's it... Even
the Subway guy thought it was
So, tell me about last night?
Joe looks confused. He has to think for a moment.


Which part exactly are you
referring to?
Oh I don't know, hooking up with a
45 year old lady!?!?
Hey, hey, HEY! We just made out
and she started it. I couldn't say
no right? Had to respect my
Oh yea, whatever! You're SUCH a
No, no... Trust me, I'm the
furthest thing from a player. Well
maybe not the furthest thing, but
I'm definitely NOT a player.
I don't believe you.
Look, I know a lot of "players".
Hell, a lot of my friends are
players. But me, I'm just looking
for a girlfriend.
Yea, I bet. A new one each night
I'm serious, that was probably my
number one goal going to college -
find a girlfriend.
Anne stops for a moment and looks seriously at Joe.
My freshmen year in high school I
had my very first "serious
girlfriend". And we dated right up
until about a week before my
sophomore year.


What happened?
It was the day of my favorite
Aunt's 2nd wedding. I had just
gotten home and Jessey calls me.
Just seemed normal at first, but
she immediately tells me that she
went to a movie last night and
this guy offered to drive her
home. He was Junior... With a
Jeep. Then she just says "Well, I
think I like him..." I don't even
know if I said anything after
that. I was crushed! Just the day
before she told me she loved me,
and then that shit?
Oh you poor guy.
Oh whatever, I was 15 years old.
But it fucked me up pretty bad. I
spent the next 2 years just
depressed and pathetic wishing I
could get her back. What a waste!
So then what happened?
I went on a German exchange trip
the summer before my Senior Year
and I really just came into my own
on that trip. That's kind of when
I developed this crazy guy
persona. I mean don't get me
wrong, I'm a complete nut job, but
that's not who I am all the time.
I could tell. Even before this.
So anywho, I came back for my
Senior year and just partied like
a rock star had a great time. I
went from being a nobody the
previous 2 years to voted the
"Best Comedian" of my class at


Why am I not surprised?
But long story short, I saw going
to college as a chance to start
over and FINALLY get a girlfriend
again... Because let's face it,
you can only get so romantic with
one-night stands. I can be pretty
romantic when I want to!
They both sit there in silence for a moment.
I see you've sold quite a bit
today. And legitimately! I figured
you were just in a good mood after
last night.
Actually the opposite. My Dad
broke the news to me that the only
spending money I'm going to have
next year is what I make over the
summer. So I've got shape up and
Ryan walks over to Joe and Anne.
Hey Joe, you wanna take off early
today? I over booked the schedule.
You know it! Thanks dude!
Ryan walks away. Joe closes his eyes and shakes his head.
I need the fucking hours...
                                         CUT TO:


Joe is walking out to his car. Talking to himself.
You're a fucking idiot Joe. You
need the fucking money. Dipshit!
Behind him, Cory bolts out of the store and runs to catch up
with Joe.
JOE-DOG! Wait up!
Joe turns around and nods, waits for Cory to catch up.
What up Joe-dog.
They do a high five / hand shake hybrid move.
Not much dude. Takin' off early ya
Me too, me too. I already got my
gold foot for the day, so I said
FUCK IT! Ya know!
I don't fucking get it man. How do
you do it? You've gotta make more
money than Ryan does!
I'm pretty sure I do dude! What
can I say?
                                         CUT TO:
Joe takes a seat on the wrap around couch across from Cory.
Cory opens a drawer in the coffee table and pulls out a huge
bag of weed, at least an ounce or more.
You need any herb dude?
Actually yea, I've been meaning to
ask you...


Twenty an eighth or forty a
quarter. Friend pricing of course.
Its good shit.
Twenty bones, works for me.
Cory pulls out a box of sandwich baggies and begins adding
buds from the larger bag one by one. He eyeballs it for the
right amount. Licks the top of the baggie, seals it up and
hands it to Joe.
Here you go my brotha. Now let's
light up the five-footer!
Oh no dude, I can't. I got dinner
with the folks after this...
Dude? I can't light the thing
myself. Don't make me smoke alone.
Not cool. Besides, if I can sell
$2,000 a day on this stuff, I
think you can handle dinner with
the rents.
Alright fuck it. But you've gotta
tell me your gold foot secret!
You got it!
Cory takes some weed out of the big bag and packs the large
bowl at the base of the bong.
I mean, I've been busting my ass
lately and I've only made one
silver foot. I don't fuckin' get
Cory nods, but doesn't look up, as he continues preparing
the bong. He puts it to his mouth and hands Joe the lighter,
and gives him a 'thumbs up'.

Joe lights the bowl and the bong tube begins filling with
thick white smoke. As it does, Joe takes a moment to scan
the apartment more thoroughly. Across from the living room
where they sat was the bar/counter in front of the kitchen.


There's an assortment of empty beer cans, a half empty
bottle of Jack Daniels. In the far corner, behind a cheap,
fake wood, rectangular dining room table sits a bucket with
a floating keg, with no tap in it.

Joe looks back to the bong, it is completely full and Cory's
eyes are open wide.
Oh shit dude, sorry.
Joe pulls the bowl out and puts his thumb over the valve.
Suck hard.
Cory starts sucking but the smoke doesn't move, until a
second later when Joe removes his thumb. And all 5 feet
shoot up in a split second into Cory's lungs. Cory holds the
bong away and Joe grabs it. He makes some weak sounds as he
tries to hold his breath. He looks at Joe and shakes his
head - he's not happy.

Over a minute passes and finally Cory exhales. A small
amount of smoke comes out of his mouth followed by a weak
Now you're gonna get it dude. You
made me cough...
Joe's eyes bug out. Cory hands Joe the bong and he puts it
to his mouth. Cory lights the bowl and the bong begins to
fill. As it approaches half-way full, Joe gives Cory the
'thumbs up'.
No way dude, we're going all the
The bong continues to fill to the top. Joe looks down at all
the smoke, his eyes wide open, staring at it.
Alright, stop sucking for a
Joe nods. Cory lifts the bowl out and puts his thumb over
the valve.
Okay, suck really hard!


Joe sucks hard and Cory quickly releases his thumb and the
tube empties into Joe's lungs. Joe immediately pushes the
bong away, almost knocking it over, Cory catches it.

Joe falls off the couch, coughing violently. Smoke billowing
out of his face. His eyes are squeezed shut. He sounds like
he's going to die.
HEEY-OHHHH!!! Nice one!!!
Joe rolls around on the ground for a moment, still coughing.
Then he gets up and walks to the kitchen, squinting and
coughing still. He turns on the sink and starts scooping
water into his mouth, in between coughing.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe and Cory sit around the couch. Joe's eyes are closed, he
keeps sipping on a huge plastic cup of water. Cory just sits
back staring at the ceiling, with a smile.
Okay, so you wanna know my secret
to selling?
Joe nods with his eyes still shut.
I know within the first 30 minutes
of any shift if I'm gonna get a
gold foot or not. If I don't feel
the love, then I know I won't get
it. But, if the first 30 go by and
I've already sold a couple pairs,
then I know.
Joe's eyes open. He focuses on Cory and tries to pay
So if I'm feeling the love, I
simply do absolutely nothing else
except grab customers.
                                         FLASHBACK TO:
Cory walks up to a lady and her son who are looking at some
Air Jordans.


Hey there, what size can I get for
                       MOM CUSTOMER
Umm... He wears a size 10.
You got it, I'll grab a 9.5 and a
10.5 just in case. Have a seat.
                       CORY (V.O.)
But I don't go back and get the
shoes just yet. I grab at LEAST
one more customer before that.
                                         CUT TO:
Cory walks quickly up and down the aisles grabbing 2 or 3
boxes at a time.
                       CORY (V.O.)
So every time I'm back in the
stock room, I'm grabbing shoes for
at least 2-3 sets of customers.
Sometimes 4 or 5.
Cory walks back out onto the stage and sets shoe boxes in
front of 3 different customers.
                       CORY (V.O.)
I tell them all 'I'll be right
back' as I give them the goods.
Some wait till I get back to lace
them up, but most do it
Joe listens intently, shaking his head like he gets it.
So that's it dude. And I gotta
give some credit to the cashier
chicks, they always help me out
when I get close.

Don't get your hopes up though,
there's no way 2 of us could get
one on the same day. And I don't
back down for nothing dude.


Joe nods. Then coughs some more.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe is driving home from Cory's, eyes bloodshot. His vision
is crystal clear - there is a distorted color to everything.
The cruise control is set at 55mph, which is the exact speed
limit. Cars pass him one after another.
Driving, in my car! I'm driving,
to a bar! I'm driving, I'm seeing
stars! I'm driving, it's not that
hard! I'm driving!
The traffic light turns yellow...
Slow down Joe! You gotsta slow
down Joe! Red is fo' stop and
green is fo' go! Yellow is gotsta
Slow Down Joe!
The light turns red and Joe slowly rolls to a stop.
STOP! In the name of love, before
you break my heart! STOP! Don't
fuck it up, or else I'll break
your face! STOP!
The light turns green. Joe begins to impersonate Marv
And we're off to the races. Joe
White takes a commanding lead over
the pack. You'd never guess he's
only got 4 cylinders in that
BEAST! I'll tell you what though,
he's using about 3.9 of them right
He shifts gears and speeds on down the road...
                                         CUT TO:


Joe gets out of his car and walks up to the house - he scans
the area on the way to the door. Jim is on the back patio,
Hey Dad.
Joe, come here for a second.
Joe goes inside. Ginny is in the kitchen preparing a salad.
Joe walks past her staring at the floor ahead of him,
doesn't look at her.
Hey Mom.
Hi sweetie! How was work?
Joe continues to walk back to his room, does not turn
Good. I'm gonna take a shower
before dinner real quick.
Well, what do you want on your
Joe is halfway into the hall. He turns around and looks at
Bacon, swiss, onions, pickles and
A-1. Thanks!
                                         CUT TO:
There are three place settings, with a hamburger, potato
salad and salad on each. Jim & Ginny sit at theirs waiting
for Joe. Joe sits down at his seat and immediately picks up
his burger.
Joey! Can we please say grace


Joe sits his burger back down. Jim stares at him, analyzing.
Joe does his best not to make eye contact with either of
Oh sorry.
What's wrong with you?
AAAABOSLUTELY nothing! How are you
guys doing today?
Your eyes are pretty red. You
smokin' dope at work now?
You got it Dad, it's a new sales
incentive program. For every 5
pairs of shoes you sell, you get a
5 foot bong hit!
Wouldn't doubt it after the last
time you went out with your boss.
So what's wrong with your eyes
I was getting a pair of shoes down
from the top shelf in the back,
and apparently they'd been there
since 1982 because there was a
pound of dust on them and it all
fell in my face.
Joe acts out his reaction, squinting his eyes and rubbing
his face.
Our food is getting cold... Dear
heavenly father, I would like to
thank you for this wonderful food
and having Joe home safely with
us. Thank you for keeping him safe
and making him work so hard.
Please take care of Josh while
he's in Germany, doing his
engineering stuff and let him know
we love him and are so proud of


                       GINNY (cont'd)
him. And...
And let's eat! Amen!
They all do the sign of the cross and begin to eat...
                                         CUT TO:
Joe, Anne, Jamal, Paul and others are all sitting around on
the shoe stage, listening to Ryan and Bubba go over the
specials and such for the day.
Okay kids, Cory called in sick
today - so you're all gonna need
to kick it up a notch.
      (to himself)
Holy shitballs...
If I don't see some silver feet
today, I'm calling bullshit.
Alright, let's have a good shift.
Everyone gets up and heads to their station. Anne begins
walking to the cashier's station and Joe quickly runs up
behind her and taps her shoulder. She turns around.
Hey, I need to talk to you.
What's up?
I'm going for a Gold Foot today.


What? Are you serious? That's
kinda crazy isn't it?
Just trust me on this, but I might
need a little help ya know?
Of course.
If I get it, I'm taking you out to
Joe gives her a smile and then runs back up to the shoe
stage. Anne blushes a bit and heads to the cashier's
                                         CUT TO:
The first customer of the day approaches the steps to the
shoe stage, Joe rushes over to greet him.
Gooooooood morning sir! I'm sure
you know that your 13th pair is
free here, so if you'd like to
just skip the hassle and buy 12
pairs, you my friend will be
walking out of here with a free
pair of shoes!
                       CUSTOMER GUY
No, I think I'll probably be
leaving with 1 or 2. Some walkers
and sandals.
A man with a plan, I love it. Walk
with me.
Joe walks the man over the sandals section and sees another
customer coming up the stairs.
Sir, I'm going to let you peruse
the sandals for a moment. Also,
the walking shoes are right over
here. So take a gander,and I'll be
right back to get you some of both
to try on. Okay? I'll be right


                       JOE (cont'd)
                       CUSTOMER GUY
Sounds good Joe, thanks.
Joe starts to shuffle away. But comes back quickly.
And if any of these other animals
bug you,just let em' know Joe's
got you covered!
Joe hustles over to the young lady and her small son
entering the shoe stage.
Question for you. Do you like free
                       MOM CUSTOMER
Ummm.. Yea, I guess so.
Well, I can tell you that this
little guy's feet are probably
going to grow about 2 sizes per
year for the next few years. So,
we do the math on that, you cover
yourself for the next 6 years,
today! And you will walk out of
here with his 7th year for free...
I say that, because that's roughly
when his foot growth will start to
                       MOM CUSTOMER
Really... Now how do you know all
I once played a doctor on TV.
Well, actually I tried out for the
part of a doctor in my high school
play and didn't get it, but I
studied REAL hard before the
audition. Okay, I just made all
that up. How can I assist you
                       MOM CUSTOMER
Wow, you're good! He needs some of
those water shoes for the pool and


                       MOM CUSTOMER (cont'd)
some soccer cleats.
You are in luck! We have both of
those, in many styles and their
all right over here. Why don't you
two have a look and I will be
right back to get you a couple to
try on.
                                         CUT TO:
A short line starts to form at the cashier's station. Anne
begins working with customers.
So did you find everything you
were looking for?
                       CUSTOMER GUY
Oh yea, Joe was on top of it for
me. That guy's a little nutty, but
he knows his stuff!
Well I'm glad to hear it.
As Elaine starts to ring up another customer, Anne makes
sure to see who's sales number is on the box. It's number 24
- Joe's number also. A third customer comes up and sets 3
boxes on the counter. All have #24 written on them. Anne
shakes her head.
      (to herself)
Well I'll be damned.
                                         CUT TO:
Anne walks up on the shoe stage and sees Joe bouncing from
one customer to the next. He sees her, and runs over.
      (out of breath)
Hey, how we doing?
You're doing great! You just
passed $1,000!
Joe wipes the sweat off his brow.


Holy shit, what time is it?
One o'clock. I was gonna run out
and grab some lunch. You want
Geez, I don't even know. I've been
running around like crazy. Just
grab me anything. Thanks! Hurry
back, I'm gonna need all the help
I can get!
Joe hustles back to his customers and Anne walks away.
                                         CUT TO:
Pon walks out onto the shoe stage to start his shift. Joe
hustles over to him.
Yo, Pon, buddy. What's the good
I don't know. What do you mean?
What time do you work till
I'm closing, so like 10pm or so.
How would you like to leave around
But I just got here?
I know dude, but I need your help
man. I'm going for a gold foot
today and there's no way I'm gonna
do it by four o'clock. Will you
help me out? Buddy?
Oh, well... Alright. Cuz we're
friends and stuff.


You know it buddy!
Joe slaps Pon a high-five / hand-shake hybrid move. Then
runs off.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe runs up behind Ryan as he's about to walk into his
Yo, Ryan!
Ryan turns around to see Joe sweating and out of breath.
Joe, what the hell is wrong with
you? Massive hangover?
No dude. Hey, my boy Pon needs to
take off early today, so I told
him I'd close up for him tonight.
Yea, right. You're gonna work open
to close? Have you even worked a
full shift since you've been here?
Dude! Give me a break here!
That's fine whatever.
                                         CUT TO:
Maddy walks into the cashier's station and taps Anne on the
You are relieved. Now go enjoy
your Saturday night. I'll be
thinking about how much fun you're
having... While I'm fucking
Actually, I was going to see if
you wanted me to work your shift


Are you kidding? You're going to
give up your Saturday night?
What's the catch?
Nothing Maddy, I had plans tonight
but they fell through, so I sadly
have nothing better to do.
Maddy gets excited. She gives Anne an unexpected hug
I'll pay you back I swear! Love
ya. Bye!
Anne waves Maddy off and then stretches her arms, and twists
her body nonchalantly , smiles when she sees that Joe is
still working too. She claps her hands together, and does a
little hop back into the registers to finish out an open to
close day with the biggest smile.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe carries 2 boxes of shoes up to the cashier's station.
He's curious as to why Anne is still behind the counter.
Here you go buddy. You sure you
don't want to grab 10 more pairs
and get that 13th pair free?
                       CUSTOMER GUY 2
No, I think I'm good. Thanks.
Hello, I'll take you right here.
Joe plops his elbows down on the counter and holds his head
up with his hands. Breathes out deeply. Anne finishes
ringing up the customer.
Thanks again, have a great
Anne walks over to Joe and puts her hands on the counter and
rests her chin on them. Staring into Joe's eyes.


You're almost there! That was just
over $1,800!
What time is is?
Eight-thirty. You've got thirty
minutes to go.
Joe drops his head to the counter. Bangs his forehead
lightly a few times.
I don't get how Cory can do this
on a regular basis. Maybe I needed
a bong hit today?.
I don't think that works for
anyone but Cory. Hey, don't give
up, you can still do this!
You just want a free dinner don't
What can I say, you got me. That's
why I picked up Maddy's shift,
just to make sure you buy me
dinner! HA!
Oh yea, why are you still here?
I just wanted to share the moment
with you. I mean, Joe White, Mr.
Leave Early, getting a gold foot -
I just had to see that!
Well, it looks like I might come
up short. This place is dead now.
In the distance, Joe hears the front door chyme. He looks at
Anne, nods his head and takes off.
Joe runs to the front of the store to see Theresa the cougar
and her 4 teenage sons with her. At first he's horrified,
but he shrugs it off.


Good evening everyone. My name's
Joe, how can I assist you?
Theresa's jaw drops. She's flustered, embarrassed.
Ummmm... Hi, uh hello. My, my boys
here need uh.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here
and say... Shoes?
                       THERESA'S SON 1
Jordans. I want Jordans.
                       THERESA'S SON 2
Me too!
You have come to the right place
guys, we just got a new shipment
of Air Jordans in this morning, so
we've got every color in every
size. Let's do this thing!
                                         CUT TO:
Anne bags up the four boxes of shoes for Theresa and her
sons and they walk away. Theresa looks back and winks at
Thanks again Joe.
No problem, have a great night!
Do you know her?
No, not really. So, where are we
at? That was enough right!?!
Anne calculates some numbers on her register. Then looks at
Joe with a smile.
Two thousand, two hundred and
twenty three dollars and 76 cents!


Joe runs around and into the cashier's station and gives
Anne a huge hug, lifting her off the ground. He puts her
down. Looks into her eyes deeply.
      (out of breath)
Holy shit...
Joe then collapses onto the ground, breathing heavy. He
looks up at Anne.
So where you wanna go for dinner?
                                         CUT TO:
Cory, Elaine, Paul, Jamal and a few others are sitting on
the wrap around couch in Cory's apartment. Talking about the
Yo, Cor-dog, you'll never believe
what happened yesterday.
Cory acknowledges, but can't speak as he's holding in a
massive bong hit. He motions for Paul to tell him.
Joe got a Gold Foot!
Cory exhales an assload of smoke.
For real? Good for Joe... Good for
Joe. I told him how, I honestly
didn't think he'd even try. Oh
well, I wouldn't get used to it if
I were him! Know what I mean?
Fo Sho!
So where is Joe tonight?


He's taking Anne out to dinner for
helping him yesterday.
Like a date? Alright!
Unfortunately for Anne, no. Joe
seems completely blind to her
infatuation with him.
You mean because Anne's madly in
love with him and he's the only
one that doesn't know?
She is???
Duh! Seriously, every time he
walks by you'd think it was Luke
Perry or some shit!
That's it! No more 90210 comments
for the rest of the decade!
                                         CUT TO:
Joe and Anne sit across from each other. Anne is especially
dolled up - more make-up than normal and has a nice upscale
dress on. Joe is wearing a t-shirt and jeans with a hat on
I'm gonna try and order a drink.
What? Do you have a fake ID or
Just trust me.
Joe just shakes his head and signals her to keep quiet as
the waitress walks up to the table.


Hello, welcome to Don Pablo's. My
name is Rachel. Can I get you two
started with something to drink.
How are these Pabloritas?
Ummm. They're good I guess. If you
like margaritas.
Most definitely. 27oz too, that's
a beast. I'll take one.
Can I see your ID please?
I will have a Diet Coke.
The waitress shakes her head, she's not amused.
And for you?
Diet coke is fine for me. Thank
                                         CUT TO:
Joe & Anne are about half way done with their meals.
So I wonder what Cory thought when
he heard about your gold foot.
Don't know. I hope he's not
Why would he be pissed?
Oh I don't know, because he told
me is secret and the very next day
I put it into action and made it


I doubt he'll be pissed. I'm not
sure I've ever seen Cory pissed.
Maybe because he's high as a kite
all the time!
Isn't it just baffling that booze
is legal and pot is not? Just
imagine if Cory was an alcoholic
instead of a pothead? And he just
drank whiskey all day? He'd
probably kill people driving to
work, lose his temper, get in
fights and everyone would hate
Yea, instead he drives 5 miles
under the speed limit, laughs off
everything, never been in a fight
and everyone loves him!
Do the math on this... Legalize
                                         CUT TO:
So I've told you all about my
"situation with girls" but you've
never told me anything about you
and the boys?
Not much to tell really.
What are you talking about? You
probably had your pick of guys in
high school?
Umm, yea. Not really. I was
"friends" with a lot of guys, but
I only ever got asked out by guys
I wasn't into.
So did you have a boyfriend at


I was on and off with this guy
named Jeff during sophomore and
junior years. But that was nothing
What about any of the guys at
work? You got a crush on anyone?
Have you seen the guys at work?
Hey! I'm one of the guys at work!
Okay, but other than you, there's
definitely no one I'd have any
iterest in dating.
Wow, that's quite the compliment
for me! Suck on it Cory!
Yea, Cory, I'd kinda like to have
a boyfriend who's sober every once
in a while!
Ouch, strike one for Joe!
Oh shut up, you know what I mean.
You're fine.
Too bad we're like brother and
sister then - we'd be perfect! But
I ain't into the incest thing. Ha!
Ha,ha. Yea... Incest...
                                         CUT TO:


Elaine, Cory, Paul watch on as Anne enters the room, hair
still in place, make up still looking fresh. Elaine has just
lit another cigarette for the evening, but sets it down in
the toilet shaped ash tray. Anne's eyes begin to tear up.
Beer me please!
Elaine pops up and hands Anne a beer.
How was dinner? Did it go okay?
Sure, as well as a "family meal"
can go. He actually referred to me
as his sister, or insinuated this,
creeped me out! What does a girl
have to do?
Anne takes her beer and walks past everyone to go outside on
the patio. She stares out to watch a cop car chase down a
guy on foot running through the streets of campus.
Mike, Cory's roommate, 6'2", lanky, shaggy hair and a
freshly growing in beard, walks onto the patio. He is
wearing a pair of khaki shorts, a worn out ADIDAS green
shirt. Shaking his head, and rubbing his eyes he comes up
behind Anne.
Hey Anne, Dinner didn't go too
well huh?
No, What gave it away? The tears
or the fact that I'm here already?
Nah, I overheard Elaine earlier
talking about the dinner and you
thinking it was a date, and Joe
being a clueless douchebag.
      (cutting Mike off)
No he's not. I just got so excited
about tonight and just assumed it
was a date, even though it was
never implied. If anything, I'm
the douche.


Mike takes a step to the side and rests his elbows on the
You my friend are not a douche.
And Joe, I don't really know him,
but he's got to have a screw
loose, because you look damn hot
Thanks, I think I'm going to
change. Feeling a bit out of place
in these heels. Good thing I have
my emergency overnight bag here!
So excuse me...
Anne steps away, Mike grabs her shoulder.
Don't change, just because Joe
doesn't appreciate it, don't mean
the rest of us won't.
Yeah? Okay.
I'm just saying... Joe's not the
only guy out there girl. You just
wait and see...
      (cutting Mike off)
Right, more fish in the sea. It
will happen when it happens. Shit
I hear all the time from my mom
and dad. Heard it before, I got
Anne glances down at her now empty beer bottle and waves it
in the air making sure there's nothing left to sip. Taking
that one last sip...
Well thanks for letting me vent,
you shouldn't have had to listen
to me...that's Elaine's job! We
should probably go back inside. I
need another drink.


Yeah, sure. Hell, if you're
drinking more then maybe I will
stay up. Drunk Anne is fun.
Not when Drunk Anne is pissed.
Anne and Mike start laughing as he opens the door to the
living room and follows Anne back inside.
                                         CUT TO:
Anne, Jamal, Cory, Paul, and others sit around the "Shoe
Stage" floor as Ryan and Bubba start the "morning
Well good morning everyone! We all
psyched to be here or what???
Everyone remains silent...
Well, I'm sure you're all aware
Ryan is interrupted by Joe running in the front doors...
      (in the
Hold up, hold up! Gotta clock in!
Oh geez...
And now you all see what can get
you fired here!
Joe runs up in the middle of the seated group and collapses
on the ground.
      (looking up at
Sorry dude. Rough night!


Well Joe, everyone else made it on
Dude! I hit snooze ONCE! And then
I woke up 2 hours later! What the
Joe, calm down...
That's what happens when you sleep
through the snooze dude! It's what
happens when you wake up still
That's why I'm going to invent a
new alarm clock...
Joe has everyone's attention now... He sits up on the floor.
The problem with the "snooze"
button is just that! It let's you
snooze! FUCK THAT!
Joe pops on his feet. Ryan starts to stop him, but Bubba
just motions to let him go.
Seriously people... I'm talking
about an alarm clock that doesn't
give you a choice!
      (to Anne - sitting)
Oh boy, I can't wait to hear
I'm talking about a life-sized
robotic cop that jumps out of your
closet right at 6am, holding a gun
to your face and screams: "GET THE


Ryan stutters over what to say, Bubba giggles, and everyone
on the floor cracks up.
And here's the best part! The
robotic cop actually has a fully
loaded gun! And you know it! So
guess what peeps?
Everyone remains silent.
You're getting the FUCK out of bed
on the first scream!
Joe collapses back to the floor. Everyone laughs.
Joe... That was hilarious, but
MASSIVELY inappropriate! Now
please, can we get back to our
meeting. Bubba?
Moonlight Madness! That's what we
were going to talk about!
      (still sitting)
Hell to the yea! Money baby!
Some of you were here last year,
some of you weren't. Moonlight
Madness is a straight shift for
EVERYONE from 8am till 4am. It's a
beast, but we've got some killer
incentives this year...
Bob the owner, has decided to up
the ante this year. Each of you
has the opportunity to earn
consecutive Gold Feet in the same
      (still sitting)
Cha-ching bitches!


That is, you sell $4,000, you get
$400. You sell $6,000, you get
$600. You sell, $5,000, you get
$400, but it counts toward your
silver feet.
And there's one last piece. And
Cory, just shut up about it. The
top salesperson for the day gets a
bonus. Straight from Corporate.
Joe takes notice and sits up...
The top salesperson gets $1,000
from JFF corporate. That's in
addition to whatever they get in
Gold Feet.
      (to himself)
Holy fucknuts...
Keg party at Cor-Dog's the next
day peeps!!! Whassup!!!
                                         CUT TO:
Anne enters the back stock room, with a sign overhead
reading" Remember, There are customers out front right now"
and sees Joe carrying 4 orange Nike boxes
Hey Anne! what's up?
Fine. Your shift just start? I'm
stuck closing again!


Nope, Ryan finally gave me a night
off. I've been here since 8! Late
of course.
Of course! Well, I gotta clock in
and get out to the registers so
Maddy can take a break, she's
about to lose it.
Hey, everything okay? You seem
I'm fine, just not in the mood
today. Am I ever? Just counting
down the days till school starts.
No shit! Alright, gotta get back
to it.
Anne walks over to the clock in station as Joe walks through
the swinging doors. Anne takes a deep breath.
      (to herself)
Damn it Anne, why is it so hard to
NOT like that guy?
                                         CUT TO:
Anne is closing out her register, running the daily reports
when Ryan approaches her
Hey Anne, you got a sec?
Of course, everything okay? I
promise I didn't lose any receipts
tonight, I double clipped the
stack and read through them
      (cutting Anne off)
No, you are doing really well with
closing lately that's why I've put


                       RYAN (cont'd)
you on an extra closing shift the
last few weeks, hope you don't
mind. I actually want to talk to
you about add on sales when there
isn't a number on a box...
Just remember to "rotate" through
the reps, and not give them all to
a certain guy, who we all know you
dig quite a bit.
Oh geez, is it really that
Ummmmm.. Yes. My advice?
Stop giving him so much attention.
That's when he'll take notice.
Because Joe likes the attention.
Sometimes a little too much!
Ignore him a bit, and it'll drive
him nuts!
Anne laughs and goes back to finishing closing up the
register area for the night.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe walks toward the stock room, Paul catches up with him.
Yo' Joe, what up dog?
Paul my man, what it is brotha?
Joe and Paul slap a five/handshake. Continue walking into
the stock room.
So, how was the "date" last night?


You mean with Anne? That wasn't a
date dude, we're just friends. I
told her if she helped me get that
Gold Foot the other day, I was
taking her to dinner. She deserved
it! But dude, I tried to order a
margarita and just got DENIED
immediately from the waitress! Ha!
Paul stares at Joe with a more serious face for a moment.
So how did she look?
The waitress? I don't know, cute I
Paul jokingly slaps the back of Joe's head!
Not the waitress dipshit! Anne!
Oh... Actually, she looked pretty
fuckin' hot dude. She cleans up
So I'll ask you again. How did the
"date" go???
Joe is speechless. He stares at nothing and ponders the
Wait, Anne and me?
Paul nods his head.
                                         CUT TO:
Anne is finishing getting ready for work, JFF shirt, jean
skirt, and putting on some lip gloss in the mirror.
No extra attention, no extra
sales... And make up. He'll go


Anne laughs to herself.
                                         CUT TO:
Anne pulls into the parking lot in a Green Volkswagen Jetta,
with a missing hubcap. Joe pulls up at the same time in the
Ford Probe, radio blaring even though the windows are up.
They get out at the same time.
Hey Anne.
Your ears ringing there champ?
Just singing to some Matchbox
Great band, they played at Ludlows
earlier this spring. I think they
will make it big, I'd put money on
Wow, you know your music huh?
Yep, gotta get inside, we're both
late today.
Joe opens the Store door for Anne and follows her in.
                                         CUT TO:
Anne and Joe clock in together.
So you and me closing tonight?!
Usually results in some good clean
Maybe. Gotta train a new girl. So
I'll be pretty busy...


Make sure you teach her how to
write the number 24 on unmarked
Ummmm... We'll see.
Joe looks confused. Anne turns to leave the stock room and
doesn't look back.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe walks up and flops his elbows down on the counter in
front of Anne.
Wow, busy day huh? I feel like we
haven't even had a chance to say
I know, crazy busy. Plus training
the new girl, just no time today.
Well, you're going over to Cory's
tonight right? We can hang out
We'll see. Oh shit, new girl needs
help. Yippy!
Anne hustles by Joe, he watches her walk away.
Oookay. I'll see ya later then.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe walks out of the stock room and onto the main floor.
Jessey is being helped by Cory. Joe walks up and interrupts
Hey Cory, you mind if I take this
one. She's an old friend.


No problem Joe-dog, no problem.
Pleasure meeting you miss.
Joe gives Jessey a smile. Her eyes open wide and she gives
him a big hug.
Oh my god Joey! How have you been?
I've been good. And it's just
"Joe" now. I found "Joey" sounded
too much like "Joy" when I said it
wasted! Not good.
They both giggle a bit.
So... Summer job?
Nope, I decided to skip college
and go straight RETAIL! I'm told
that within 3-5 years, I could
make assistant manager!
Jessey laughs, slaps Joe on the shoulder.
It's good to see you.
I'm sure it is, I do have my
doctorate in awesomeness. So you
can call me Dr. Awesome. Or Dr.
Joseph Awesome if you're feeling
You're such a goof... Still. What
time do you get off?
That depends on how fast you
stroke... KIDDING! I'll be out of
her around 9 or so.
You should come over and hang out.
We need to catch up! My mom's
outta town.


Jessey winks at Joe. He raises his eyebrows and tilts his
                                         CUT TO:
Joe runs up behind Paul in the stock room.
Dude, this is so fucked up! The
girl that completely crushed me
back in the day, just fucking came
onto me and wants me to meet her
at her mom's house after work...
And her mom's out of town!
Uhhhh... Why are you excited about
this? If she crushed you, fuck her
Exactly! I'm totally gonna fuck
Joe, what about our little
chit-chat about Anne?
I don't know man, I gotta say, I
think you might be all wrong about
that. She kinda acted like a bitch
to me today? It was weird, but I
definitely wasn't getting a vibe
from her - that's fo' sho!
Joe, seriously...
Paul - fuck it! I'm Audi 5,000!
See you tomorrow!
Paul watches as Joe runs off, shaking his head.
                                         CUT TO:
The door bell rings, Jessey opens the door to see Joe
standing there in his work "uniform": Hat on backwards, JFF
t-shirt, jeans and sneakers.


Well come in, how are you!
I'm good. Man, I haven't been here
in forever! Everything looks the
You want a glass of wine?
I'd rather have a beer?
Wine's all we got?
Wine it is!
Joe follows Jessey into the kitchen. She opens the fridge,
and pours two large glasses from a box of Franzia White
I hope you don't mind, but I'm
going to want another one.
Joe chugs the entire glass in about 5 seconds.
You a little nervous or something?
Not at all. Just pour some more...
                                         CUT TO:
Jessey is in the kitchen, she's stumbling. She starts to
pour another glass of wine, but the box is empty. She lifts
it out of of the fridge and shakes it.
We're out of wine! Wow, that's 5
liters... Holy fuck!
Joe walks into the kitchen. He stares into her eyes. They
kiss passionately. He lifts one of her legs up, and they
both fall over.
                                         CUT TO:


Joe wakes up in bed with Jessey. She's out still. He looks
around the room. Just as he remembers it from when he was
15. He looks down at Jessey, then grins. Then slowly gets
out of bed naked, picks up his boxers and puts them on, and
starts getting dressed.
      (half asleep)
Where are you going?
Oh hey babe, I gotta run. I open
at the foot this morning. Last
night was fun though.
Joe leans down and gives her a quick kiss on the forehead
and walks out of the room...
                                         CUT TO:
Joe backs the car out of Jessey's drive way. He stares one
last time at the house.
HOL-LEE SHIT! Same girl, same bed,
same fucking house. Like being a
virgin all over again.
Joe stares at the house. Shakes his head in disbelief.
Joe drops the clutch and peels out down the street.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe is looking a bit rough. Paul walks up to him before the
store opens.
So? How was the hook up with the


Well, we drank a 5 liter box of
wine and then I fucked her... And
then I woke up this morning and
looked at her... And...
And what?
I don't know. It was just weird.
Crazy and weird. I mean, it was
the same bed, same girl, that I
lost my virginity to!
Anne walks in to clock in.
Hey guys! Whassup?
Whassup to you my favorite lady?
Paul walks over and gives her a hug and then walks onto the
Hey Joe, you look rough this
morning! I thought you were coming
over to Cory's last night?
Yea, I feel rough. And slightly
like a complete dirt-bag!
What? Why, what happened?
Joe looks deep into Anne's eyes. He can see that Paul was
right about her feelings.
Fuck me... I can't tell you.
What? Of course you can! It's me,
No, not this time Anne... Not this


Joe walks past Anne onto the floor. Anne stands there with a
dumbfounded look.
                                         CUT TO:
Anne grabs Paul after she's finished with a customer.
Hey, what happened to Joe last
night? He's acting all kinds of
Ah geez man! I don't need to get
in the middle of this... I'll just
say he had a run in with an ex.
What do you mean a "run in"? They
rob a bank or something?
Anne, I love you. But if Joe wants
to tell you about it, he will.
Paul looks at Anne, nods and walks away. Anne again is
                                         CUT TO:
Joe is coming out of the restroom and Anne is waiting for
him, holding 2 Subway sacks with a foot-long in one hand and
a 6" in the other.
You about ready for lunch?
Joe nods with a smile.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe and Anne sit at the snack bar, eating their Subway.
I don't want to sound weird but...
You were kind of a bitch
yesterday? What gives?
Well, maybe you deserved it!


Deserved it? What did I do!
They pause. Anne looks into Joe's eyes.
So tell me what's going on with
Anne, I don't know... Not really
something I feel like sharing...
Jessey walks up behind Joe and taps him on the shoulder.
Anne looks on curiously. Joe turns around and is shocked to
see Jessey.
Heeeeyyyy, whassup? What are you
doing here?
I just wanted to see you, that's
Joe looks at Anne with an open jaw... Back at Jessey.
Well... Ummmm... I'm working so, I
don't know.
      (to Anne)
Could you give us a moment?
Anne gives Joe a look, like "What the fuck is happening?"
Joe nods back. Anne gets up and walks away.
So who's she?
I don't know, a friend. What the
fuck do you want Jess?
I don't know, I've just been
thinking about last night and
What about it???


It's just crazy ya know you and me
ending up together?
Jessey starts putting her hands on Joe, he pushes them away
and pushes her back.
Whoa! Hold on a sec Jess. We
didn't end up together - we
shacked up last night because we
drank 5 liters of wine!
But it was special wasn't it?
Jessey, are you fucking kidding
me? I would have fucked a goat
after that!
But, last night, I thought...
You thought what??? That we'd
magically be a thing again!?!? Are
you fucking nuts! You just don't
get it at all do you?
Get what, what do you mean???
That you damaged me Jess. Bad. And
it sucked. And I'm fucking over it
now, and whatever last night was,
wasn't shit to me! You will never
be shit to me!
Jessey starts to tear up, and turns and runs out of the
store. Joe shakes his head and turns toward the stock room.
Anne is standing in his way. Their eyes meet. She shakes her
head at him and walks the other way...
                                         CUT TO:


Everyone is exiting the store. Commotion all around as
everyone is talking about the big pre-party before Moonlight
Madness. Anne is unlocking her car, Joe runs up behind her
and grabs her shoulder.
Hey, can I talk to you?
About what? Me being a bitch for
not talking to you yesterday, or
you yelling at some girl about the
thing you refused to talk to me
about even when others already
knew about it?
Joe looks confused.
Go ahead, talk...
I never said you were a bitch,
just kinda acting like one... You
and I are usually so cool with
each other, so I didn't know what
was up with you. I really like us
being cool ya know?
Go on...
About that girl, Jessey, that I
yelled at. Its a really long story
and I just don't want to get into
it right now. I really just want
to forget about it. We can talk
about it another time if you want.
But the bottom line is, I'm over
Okay, that's cool. But I hope you
know that you can talk to be about
anything, any time... You're like
totally my favorite person to ever
get hired in this hell-hole... So


                       ANNE (cont'd)
I guess, I'm cool with it all.
Joe's nods with a grin. Anne gets in her car Joe walks
around his and gets in, still nodding with a grin. He rolls
down his passenger window
Hey! Good talk, I'll see you over
at Cory's. Should be an epic
Yeah, got a change of clothes in
the car. There's only so much I
can take with the "uniform." Gotta
get out of this t-shirt!
Can I help? I'm good with my
Really Joe? You were doing so
well... I think I got it. Anyways,
I'm sure what's her name has a
shirt and more that she'd want
your help taking off.
Joe bights his lip and bobs his head.
Too soon? Guess I should've seen
that coming! I won't stay and
watch then, see you over there.
Joe pulls away and Anne's car is alone in the parking lot.
Joe watches Anne in his rear-view mirror and sees her shirt
come off, exposing her bra. His eyebrows raise. He makes an
adjustment in his pants before shifting gears and driving
                                         CUT TO:
The apartment packed, music pumping, kegs flowing, bongs lit
up everywhere. Anne walks in and finds Elaine and Cory on
the couch. Elaine's legs stretched across his lap, Mike is
sitting awkwardly next to Cory, stands up when he sees Anne
approaching. They walk out on the balcony together.


So you're late, what gives? I feel
like I don't know anyone at this
party... And I live here!
I'm 5 minutes late? I had to
change in my car. Get that
disgusting T-shirt off me! So
what's up?
Not too much girl, been working
like crazy at the record store. A
couple a dudes quit, so I'm
bankin' the extra hours.
That's cool. You ever heard of
Freddy Jones Band?
Maybe, not sure. I'll check
though, I get hook ups on free
tickets all the time. I'll hook
you up for sure.
Anne gives him an excited hug.
Really? Oh my god, that would be
the best ever! Thank you, thank
you! I will definitely take you up
on that! I'll take free tickets to
just about any concert though!
You got it.
And in return I can hook you up
with my STELLAR 10% employee
discount! Or just a high five and
a hug?
      (raising an eye
I'll just take the high five and
the hug. 10% ain't enough to get
me in the foot!


Joe watches from the kitchen as Anne & Mike high five and
hug. They seem to be flirting with each other. Joe chugs
what's left in his red plastic cup.
      (to himself)
Fuck it.
Joe guzzles a 2nd beer, fills up and starts to walk out to
the balcony.
Joe-dog! Yo! 5 feet of the cloudy
goodness awaits you!
Cory is on the couch, laid back, holding the top of the 5
foot bong, motioning it toward Joe. Joe pauses for a moment,
looks out at Anne. Their eyes meet for a second, then she
continues talking with Mike.
      (back at Cory)
Light it up bitch!
That's what I'm talking about!!!
                                         CUT TO:
Joe sits deep in the couch. He is surrounded by people, but
is all alone. His eyes are open wide and bloodshot, just
staring at whatever is in front of him.

Anne comes out of the kitchen with 2 fresh beers, walks over
to Joe, plops down beside him.
Fresh beer?
Joe looks up at Anne as if he didn't even realize she had
sat down.
Hey you... Yes, beer is good. Cold
beer is better!
Joe leans forward to set his nearly empty cup on the table,
next to the bong and toilet shaped ash tray. He groans as he
does it, as if it's a hard task! Then flops back into the

Anne hands him the beer.


Thanks... Cheers!
They "clink" the plastic cups, then take a sip together.
Hey Anne... I'm sorry for calling
you a bitch.
Oh whatever, you said I was
"acting like one" anyway?!?
Well, I shouldn't have. You're
definitely my favorite
co-worker... Man, doesn't that
sound way grown up? "CO-WORKER"...
Joe cracks up at himself. Anne shakes her head and giggles
at him.
Thanks for the first part, the
favorite thing.
For real. You are. Definitely!
You're pretty awesome really. I
mean it. Seriously, for real.
Thanks, I think I got it.
Remember what I told you about the
getting my heart broke way back in
high school?
Of course I do. I think I may have
a photographic memory of
everything you've ever said to
Joe pauses, gives Anne a curious look.
Whoa! I've had a few too many
beers I think!


Anne takes huge swig from her cup. Joe does the same.
Anywho! That's who that girl was
today, and last night, or
Really? Now its starting to make a
little more sense.
What's so crazy about it is... I
can't tell you how many times I
dreamed of that happening... That
one day she would come back to me
and want me back and all that
And now?
I don't know. I don't even fucking
like her anymore?! I'm really just
kinda disgusted with myself. I
feel like a fucking dirt-bag.
I don't think you're a dirt-bag. I
think you're sweet. You have a big
heart, and she fucked with it. So
fuck her!
FUCK YEA!!! I love it! Right on
They cheers their cups again and both take a big drink.
I don't think I've ever told you
You're really kinda cute you know
Anne blushes, she's embarrassed.


Oh shut up, really? You mean that?
Hell yea I do. And you're about
the coolest chick I've ever met...
Anne lays into the couch so she is eye to eye with Joe. They
gaze at each other. Joe winks at her...
Come here for a second.
Anne leans forward and Joe puts his hand around the side of
her head and pulls her in for a kiss.

Paul walks in from the balcony and sees Joe and Anne
kissing. He grins and nods his head. He snaps his fingers at
Cory, who is playing cards with Elaine and 2 others.
Cor-dog! Check this out.
Cory and Elaine both walk over to Paul.
Get a room you two!
Anne and Joe stop kissing. Anne looks up at Cory, Paul and
Elaine. Joe passes out.
Wow Anne, you must be a killer
kisser! I think Joe's dead!
Cory, Elaine and Paul all crack up laughing. Anne looks down
at Joe, who is out cold.
You better remember this.
                                         CUT TO:
Anne and Elaine are huddled around the registers. They both
look rough, sleep deprived, and pale.


This day will never end. Fuck
everyone who had today off!
So do you want to talk about it?
You've been quiet all day.
Not really! It just sucks
because... You know.
No, I don't know. Please tell me.
That's just not how I saw my
"first kiss" with Joe going ya
know? I was wasted and he... Well,
he's probably still passed out!
I'm sorry babe, it does suck. But
I'm really glad you weren't all
giddy about it today... Because it
really wasn't too cool.
Oh I know trust me. I'm a
romantic, and that, well...
Wasn't! Whatever, not gonna dwell
on it.
Good! Remember the first time Cory
kissed me? I think he had just got
done banging another chick! Not my
classiest moment, but I'm young,
he's hot, and we have insane sex!
Oh god Elaine! Seriously? I'm
going to barf... I'm going to barf
on you!
Anne and Elaine are laughing as they start the closing
process when the phone rings..


Thank you for calling Just For
Feet, where your 13th pair is
free, how may I help you?
Oh, hey Anne, it's Joe. Didn't
know you were working tonight?
Yep, I'm here! Elaine and I hate
you for having the day off today.
How you feeling?
Like death... A long, slow,
torturous death. I don't know what
I did last night, but my internal
organs HATE me for it! How you
doing today?
Been better! This has been the
LONGEST day ever. Its straight to
bed for me tonight.
Was that an invite? Just kidding,
oh god, I think I'm going to get
sick again...
Ouch! I didn't get sick at least.
Hey, can you check my schedule for
tomorrow? My mind is completely
blank today!
Yeah, says here 2-10pm, you're on
your own though, I finally have a
day off before the big Moonlight
Frickin' Madness sale!
That's cool. I guess I'll see you
then, then. Enjoy your day off. Oh
fuck, I gotta go!


Anne hangs up the phone and turns to Elaine laughing
hysterically, almost can't catch her breath.
Oh... My... God... Elaine! That
was Joe and not only has he been
puking his guts out all day, but
he doesn't have a clue what
happened last night!
And you're happy about this...
Because if he doesn't remember it,
then it never really happened, and
I can still look forward to a real
first kiss!
You are such a DORK! A hopeless
romantic dork...
I know!
                                         CUT TO:
Joe enters the store, back to his upbeat, happy self. Walks
into the break room to see Paul and Maddy looking at a stack
of pictures.
Whassup, whass-goin-on,
Not much, just checking out the
pictures from C-dog's the other
night. Awesome time!
Awesome! At least what I remember
of it! I can't believe I checked
out so early, hope you guys don't
hold that over me for years to
come...it won't happen again!


Paul looks at Maddy with a grin...
No worries man. Take a look at
these, they might refresh your
memory a bit.
Joe starts flipping through the pictures. Paul and Maddy
look on in anticipation
What the fuck is this... Really?
Ha, he must have found it! You
dog, Joe!
Joe looks at a picture of him kissing Anne's chin, with his
mouth wide open and his eyes shut. Anne seems to have a
confused look in her eyes.
Fuck me! I kissed Anne?! Like
that!? Fuuuuuuck meeee...
Maddy and Paul both laugh out loud at Joe's expense.
Wait, you don't remember it at
all! It got better dude, you guys
were going at it for a while! Oh
fuck man, she's going to flip out
if you don't remember!
I remember talking to her on the
couch... Kind of. But that's it
really. Fuck!
So Joe, I'm surprised you're not
more into fat chicks.
Joe shakes his head, looks at Paul. Paul shrugs his
Since you dig chins so much! HA!


Paul slaps Maddy a huge high-five. Joe lowers his head and
walks away.
                                         CUT TO:
Joe sits across a fancy set table from his parents. There
are flowers as a centerpiece and a bottle of red wine
sitting in the middle. All 3 have a glass in front of them.
Well, I'm so glad we were able to
go out for a nice dinner one last
time before you go back off to
school. I feel like we haven't got
to spend much time with you at all
this summer!
Yea, just working so much ya know.
And trying to see my friends as
much as I can. And I've actually
made quite a few friends from work
You saving any money? Remember
what we talked about Joe.
Oh shush Jim! So out of all these
cool people you work with, what
about a girl? You talking to
anyone special?
Ohhh, I don't know, maybe a
little. There's this one girl,
Anne, who's pretty cool.
Okay, okay! Tell us about Anne!
What's she like? Is she in
college? Is she pretty? What's
she look like?


Whoa mom, chill! She's cute,
she's cool. We're really more just
friends than anything else right
now but... Oh and she's gonna be a
Freshmen at Toledo this year.
Oooh, I'm getting goosebumps!
Toledo is right next to BG!
Joe grins big in response.
Yea, I know… And Dad, I've
actually saved quite a bit so far.
I think I've got about $1,500 in
my account. And I'm hoping to
double it by the end of the week.
Double it? How in the hell are you
gonna do that?
Well, because I've become the 2nd
best salesperson there and on
Saturday, I'm going go after the
number one spot.
Well, being #2 is good too Joey.
Again, how do you plan on doubling
your money?
Saturday is Moonlight Madness, and
we're all working from 8am till
4am... For every $2,000 I sell, I
get $200. Should sell at least
$6,000 on the day. PLUS! If I can
be #1 on the day, I get another
$1,000! BOOM!
You're so into it! I love it! It's
so nice to see you get so
motivated by something like this.
Now, if you could just do the same
with your school work next year...


Trust me mom. You guys taking away
my "free ride" to party at school
was probably the best thing you
could have done...
Jim and Ginny look at each other in disbelief. Then look
back at Joe, intrigued.
I was cake-walking through my
summer job, leaving early... There
were some days I actually set a
goal not to sell anything!
Joey! Uh?
Hold on. Then we had out talk, and
I got more serious. And the first
goal I had was to sell $2,000 in a
day, and I did it. Then I
realized, I can do just about
anything. And now I'm going for
number one on Saturday, and
whoever wants to get in my way can
fuck off! Oops, sorry.
Jim nods in agreement. Staring into the eyes of his son.
I tell you what. You win that
$1,000. I don't care if you're a
close 2nd, that don't count. You
win, and I'll throw in another
What? Why would you do that? You
don't need to do that Dad.
Because I want you to win. I want
you to prove to yourself that you
can do whatever you set out to do.
What you're motivated to do. I'm
just adding to the motivation.
Because like I said, you get
nothing for 2nd place.
The waitress walks by.


Excuse me Sarah. We'll have
another bottle please. Thanks.
Jim looks at Joe and winks. Joe nods back with a big smile.
Oooh, this is just sooo exciting!
                                         CUT TO:
Anne and her parents, Karen and Rodger, sit at a nicely set
table in the same restaurant.
Uh huh, I am so excited for school
in a few weeks. Thanks for taking
me out tonight to celebrate! Oh
Karen immediately checks her shirt for a stain.
Oh no, did i splatter again, or
did you get spaghetti sauce on you
again? That's why it's called a
napkin, cover your lap please!
No Mom, Joe is here! Looking good
too. Geez, I don't think I've ever
seen in not wearing a T-shirt!