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Orlando & Elle
by Orlando Balla (orlandoballa@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***1/2
Average guy gets discovered by Steven Spielberg and hooks up with supermodel Elle MacPherson in a truly unbelievable story that will leave one falling in love with the main characters


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
YOUNG MALE (MID TWENTIES), ORLANDO REMINGTON, is in bed
staring at the ceiling. He is having a tender moment with
the Lord Almighty.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
God, I am at your mercy. I don't
talk to you much, but I need a
favor. Will you, please, make me
rich and famous? I'll do anything
you ask me to do. If you grant me
this one teeny-weeny wish I will
make a promise to go to church
every Sunday....I'll read the
Bible!...I'll even stop swearing,
and I'll give up lying to women to
get what I want. Please, God, if
you're listening, and I know you
are, give me a sign
                                                            
 
INT. FACTORY - DAY
                                                            
Loud Manufacturing facility. Orlando can be seen bungling
with a piece of machinery. Orlando's BOSS is looking from a
corner. He has a look on his face that he has seen enough.
He proceeds toward Orlando, with a beet red look on his
face.
                                                            
                       BOSS
      (Yelling at
       Orlando)
Hey! Clear out your locker! You're
fired!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to boss)
What?..you can't fire me!
                                                            
                       BOSS
      (to Orlando)
I want you..to get your stuff..and
get out of here. You are fired!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Boss)
Oh yeah, well...fuck you, and fuck
your job..asshole...matter of
fact, you can suck my dick..bitch!
            (MORE)

2.

                       ORLANDO (cont'd)
I QUIT!
                                                            
 
INT. ORLANDO'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
KITCHEN-
                                                            
Orlando walks into the apartment, and slams the door shut.

He throws his jacket on the couch, and heads for the fridge.


He grabs a beer, and twists the cap.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
At least you won't let me down.
                                                            
He chugs the beer, stops then lets out a burp.

The phone rings.

He runs to the phone, grabs it, and speaks into the
receiver.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Hello
                                                            
On the other end of the phone is orlando's long time friend,
DAN
                                                            
INTERCUT: PHONE CONVERSATION
                                                            
                       DAN
Yeaaahhhhhh! What's going on?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Hey Dan, you're never gonna
believe what happened to my ass
today.
                                                            
                       DAN
Let me guess...you had sex with
Elle McPherson?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Ha Ha..not yet anyway
                                                            
                       DAN
What happened, man.
                                                            

3.

                       ORLANDO
I was fired, bro
                                                            
                       DAN
Again?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What do you mean..again?
                                                            
                       DAN
What is this..like the 5th time
this month?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
NO! It's...Well, I don't know, but
it's not the fifth time..
                                                            
                       DAN
I think this calls for a
celebration! What do you think?
..Barry's night?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Dude, I just got fired from my
fucking job. What's in there
worth celebrating? Idiot.
                                                            
                       DAN
Take a shower and get ready. I'll
be over in a couple hours to pick
your sorry ass up.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Alright. I'll see ya later
                                                            
                       DAN
Yeah, later jerky
                                                            
Orlando hangs up the phone
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What am I going to
wear?...great...I have nothing to
wear..
                                                            
ONE HOUR LATER

There is a knock at the door. Orlando is in his room. He
throws on a T-Shirt and jeans. He exits his bedroom and
runs to open the door.

DOOR OPENS and Dan and his cousin STEVE are at the door with
a case of beer.
                                                            

4.

                       DAN
Surprise!! We got the beer
                                                            
Dan hands a case of beer to orlando
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What's up, fellas? Come in
                                                            
Dan and Steve enter the house. Orlando walks to the fridge
and puts the beer in it
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
You're not going to go out wearing
that, are you?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Steve)
What's wrong with what I have on?
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
I don't know..maybe it's because
you look like a slob
                                                            
Steve turns to Dan and laughs. Orlando looks at both of
them and shakes his head
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Steve)
Shut up and drink a beer
                                                            
Dan walks over to the living room. He takes a seat across
from Steve. Orlando takes a seat.
                                                            
                       DAN
Hey Orlando, tell my cousin what
happened to you today.
                                                            
Dan turns to Steve and smiles
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh yeah..I was fired
                                                            
                       STEVE
Again! What happened?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Steve)
I was caught having sex with the
boss' daughter.
                                                            

5.

                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
YOU HAD SEX WITH DIANNE!!!???
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Steve)
Hey..How was I suppose to know her
father was the boss?
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
You idiot!! I told you to stay
away from her!
(turns to Dan)
Dan, this girl loves to get people
fired, let me tell you.
(turns to Orlando)
Orlando, I told you when I got you
the job to stay away from her!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Steve)
I thought you were talking about
the other one...Bethany
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
No,no,no, Bethany is the good
one...ugly one, but the good one.
                                                            
                       DAN
I don't want to hear anymore of
this. If you ask me, you both
sound like you're full of shit.
                                                            
                       STEVE
What are we gonna do, anyway?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
We, my friend, are going to
Barry's
                                                            
                       STEVE
Who is Barry?
                                                            
                       DAN
Barry's is not a who, but rather
an it.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
It is one of the greatest night
clubs around!...You have to see
the women that show up there. you
thought that the women were hot
            (MORE)

6.

                       ORLANDO (cont'd)
when we went on that spring break
trip to Florida? Well, the chicks
that go to Barry's are hot..real
hot!
                                                            
                       STEVE
Alright, you convinced me, let's
go!
                                                            
                       DAN
Relax..it's only 8 o'clock. We
have plenty of time
                                                            
                       STEVE
Well, we shouldn't get there too
late
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Relax, it doesn't get pumping 'til
at least 11 11:30
                                                            
                       STEVE
Well, we should leave at ten
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Did any of you guys see the
lottery numbers?
                                                            
                       STEVE
What? You think you won?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Maybe..you never know unless you
play, right?
                                                            
                       DAN
Shut up man, you're never gonna be
rich. You'll be working for the
rest of your life.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Not me
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (turning to Dan)
Yeah, because he'll be getting
fired
                                                            
Dan and Steve laugh
                                                            
                       DAN
What time is it?
                                                            
 

7.

INT. BARRY'S NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
                                                            
Orlando, Dan and Steve are at the cash register paying the
cover charge. The DJ is spinning the best in dance music.
THREE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN walk by the register. They smile at
the three guys
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
It's time to par-tay
                                                            
                       STEVE
Holy shit!! Did you see those
three?
                                                            
                       DAN
First round of drinks are on me.
What do you guys want?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'll have a beer
                                                            
                       STEVE
Make it two
                                                            
Dan walks over to the BAR, and gets the BARTENDERS attention
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to bartender)
Three beer's
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
      (nodding)
coming up
                                                            
Bartender hands Dan the beer's and Dan hands them to the
guys
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Orlando)
Alright, if you had your choice of
any girl in here to talk to, who
would it be?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (scanning the club)
...them!
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
You don't have the balls
                                                            

8.

                       DAN
      (to Steve)
Watch him
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Gentleman...let me show you how
it's done
                                                            
Orlando makes his way over to a group of FOUR GIRLS. They
are in a conversation, and Orlando decides to cut in on it
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Ladies, the solution to your
problem has arrived.
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Steve)
Get ready to laugh
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
      (flirty smile)
What problem is that?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to First girl)
Well, I couldn't help notice how
bored you girls looked...so..I'm
here to cheer you up.
                                                            
                       THIRD GIRL
Why don't you get lost?
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
      (to Third Girl)
Actually, he is kinda cute
                                                            
                       THIRD GIRL
      (to First girl)
Whatever!!
                                                            
Third girl motions to the other girls to leave
                                                            
                       THIRD GIRL
Come on girls, let's go
                                                            
Second, third and fourth girl leave, but first girl stays
with Orlando
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
      (to other girls)
I'll catch up with you later on
                                                            

9.

                       THIRD GIRL
      (cocky)
Suit yourself
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (kissing first
       girls hand)
I guess that leaves just the two
of us
                                                            
Steve and Dan watch in amazement
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Dan)
Dude, he is kissing her hand!
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Steve)
Wait..it gets better
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Dan)
He better not screw it up
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Steve)
Actually, that is the best part! I
bet you ten bucks he does
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Dan)
You're on!
                                                            
Steve and Dan shake on the bet. Dan walks up to the
bartender
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to bartender)
Give me a shot of Cognac
                                                            
Bartender acknowledges Dan's order
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
      (to Orlando)
So, do you come here often?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to First girl)
No..actually it is hard to get
out..with my work and all.
                                                            

10.

                       FIRST GIRL
      (to Orlando)
Oh yeah? What do you do?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to First girl)
I'm a record producer
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
      (to Orlando)
Really?...how exciting.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to First girl)
Well, you know what would be even
more exciting?..you giving me your
phone number.
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
      (to Orlando)
Have a pen?
                                                            
Orlando pauses for 3 seconds..then rapidly pulls out a pen
from his back pocket and hands it to the girl
                                                            
First Girl grabs Orlando's hand and proceeds to write her
phone number on the palm of his hand. Orlando looks down at
First Girl's feet.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (smiling)
Can I ask you a question?
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
      (writing on
       Orlando's hand)
Sure sexy
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to First girl)
Can I smell your feet?
                                                            
First Girl looks at Orlando in shock. She stops writing, and
slaps him in the face.
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
      (to Orlando)
You're one sick and twisted
pervert!
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Steve)
Pay up, bitch
                                                            

11.

First Girl runs off. Orlando looks at his had and it reads
555-23
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to self)
So close..and yet so far. But I'm
getting better
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Dan)
He's an idiot!
                                                            
Orlando walks over to Dan and Steve
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
What the hell did you say to her?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Steve)
I just asked her....if I could..if
I could smell her feet
                                                            
Dan bursts out in a laugh
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
IDIOT!! You are a fucking idiot!!
I never saw anyone screw up such a
good thing. I mean, man, she was
totally hot. And she was into
you!!
                                                            
                       DAN
      (Handing orlando a
       shot)
Hey, I got your favorite drink.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (smelling drink)
What is it?
                                                            
                       DAN
Just drink it.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Who cares anyway...it's all about
getting drunk
                                                            
Orlando swills down the shot, and has a disgusted look on
his face
                                                            

12.

                       ORLANDO
Cognac!!
                                                            
Dan and Steve are laughing hysterically
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What are you guys laughing for?
It's not funny!
                                                            
                       STEVE
Oh, and smelling some chicks feet
is not hysterical either, right?
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Orlando)
Admit it. You love it?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Dan)
ahhh..it's not that bad
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Orlando)
You better not puke in my car
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Dan)
Dude, I never puke
                                                            
 
INT. DAN'S CAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Car is moving. Orlando is sitting in the back and is clearly
intoxicated.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Dan)
Pull over!
                                                            
Dan pulls over to the side of the barely traveled road.
Orlando rapidly swings open the rear door and pukes onto the
pavement.
                                                            
                       DAN
      (shaking head)
Oh man
                                                            
 
INT. ORLANDO'S BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
Orlando is sprawled out on his bed. The phone rings two
times and wakes up Orlando.
                                                            

13.

                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
hello...yes, this is
                                                            
On the other line is DIANE NICHOLS
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS (O.S.)
This is Diane Nichols with Casting
Call Services. Are you still
interested in the roll of an extra
in the new Steven Spielberg movie?
                                                            
Orlando springs up from the bed.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yes!! Sure!! When do I start?
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS (O.S.)
There is a wardrobe fitting at 3pm
today. Can you make it?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah..sure..I'll be there
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS (O.S.)
Alright, Mr Remington. Wardrobe
fitting will be held in our office
in Newport. Please arrive 30
minutes early for your
appointment.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yes!! I will..oh, will Mr
Spielberg be there, you think?
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS (O.S.)
Yes, he should be there.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Thank you so very much!! I will
not let you down!
                                                            
Orlando hangs up the phone and is excited
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
YIPPEE!! I'm going to be famous!!
Thank you God for listening...now,
where is that movie script?
                                                            
Orlando is frantically running around his bedroom looking
for something.

He goes in draws, closets, under the bed.

14.


He heads to the nightstand and pulls out a movie script with
the words "written by Orlando Remington" visible
                                                            
The phone rings again. Orlando picks up phone and he grips
receiver.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Hello!
                                                            
INTERCUT: PHONE CONVERSATION
                                                            
                       DAN
Yeahhhh, how are you feeling?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Dude, you're never gonna believe
what just happened!
                                                            
                       DAN
What? That you were sober last
night?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
ha ha very funny, not. Dude, I
just got a call from a casting
agent to be an extra in a Steven
Spielberg movie!!
                                                            
                       DAN
Who's Steven Spielberg?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You gotta be fucking kidding me,
right?
(beat)
He's probably one of the greatest
Hollywood movie directors--of all
time!
                                                            
                       DAN
How did you pull that off?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I went to a casting call a few
weeks ago. I had no idea they
would ever call me!
                                                            
                       DAN
So what's the part? A stone cold
drunk? Ha!
                                                            

15.

                       ORLANDO
Funny..No, it's just an extra, but
I'm going to find a way to hand
him a movie script I have been
working on.
                                                            
                       DAN
      (laughing)
You? A movie writer? Ha! Well, you
sure are full of stories.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Whatever...look, I gotta go. I
have to be there for three.
                                                            
                       DAN
Yeah...get me an autograph
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
ha ha chuckle chuckle ha ha.
                                                            
                       DAN
Later, Chissel
                                                            
Dan and Orlando both hang up their phones.
                                                            
END INTERCUT
                                                            
 
INT. CASTING OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
50 or so people are in the office. They can be seen wearing
18th Century garb. Orlando scans the room for Spielberg.
Spielberg can be seen in a corner room speaking with a dozen
or so people. Orlando walks up to the front desk.
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS
      (to Orlando)
Can I have your name?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah..Orlando Remington.
o-r-l-a-n-d-o Remington.
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS
Alright sir, if you just take a
seat we will have someone call
your name in a few moments
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (pointing)
Is that Steven Spielberg over
there?
                                                            

16.

                       DIANE NICHOLS
Have a seat and we will be with
you, sir
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to casting agent)
You think there is anyway I can
meet with him?
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS
      (to Orlando)
Sir, Mr Spielberg is quite busy at
the moment. If you can please
take a seat..thank-you
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to casting agent)
Sure...oh! Where's the bathroom?
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS
      (to Orlando)
Down the hall and to your left
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Thank you, and I'm sorry for being
such a pain in the butt. I'm
nervous, that's all.
                                                            
The casting agent walks off. Orlando looks in the direction
of Spielberg. Then, he looks to see if anyone is paying
attention. He walks towards Spielbergs office, and stands
right in front of him
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Spielberg)
Good afternoon sir. My name is
Orlando and...
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
      (cutting off)
Wardrobe fitting is on the other
side, son
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Spielberg)
I know sir, but I am one of your
biggest fans and I have something
that you might be interested in
(hands Spielberg his movie script)
Here is a script that I wrote. I
know that you are a family man,
and it is a good family movie.
                                                            

17.

The casting agent sees Orlando in the office and rushes in,
along with TWO SECURITY GUARDS
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS
      (to Orlando)
What, might I ask, are you
doing???
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to casting agent)
Actually, I am speaking to Mr
Spielberg until you rudely
interrupted.
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS
      (to Orlando)
Get out! We will no longer be
needing your services! Security,
escort this man out.
                                                            
TWO SECURITY GUARDS can be seen escorting Orlando out, by
the arms.
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS
      (to mr Spielberg)
Sorry, Mr Spielberg. That will
never happen again
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
      (to casting agent)
Not a problem. Sometimes you have
to grab what you want n life.
                                                            
Casting agent eyes the script in Spielbergs hand.
                                                            
                       DIANE NICHOLS
      (looking at script)
Would you like me to discard that
for you, Mr Spielberg?
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
      (to casting agent)
Actually, I'll make an attempt to
read it.
                                                            
 
EXT. CASTING OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Orlando can be seen moping to his car.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to self)
I have to stop being such an
idiot, and focus on getting a real
            (MORE)

18.

                       ORLANDO (cont'd)
job. And, a real car.
                                                            
Orlando gets in his car and starts it up. He looks across
the street. There is a GIRL, in her TWENTIES. Her name
will later be revealed as SHEILA
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (looking at girl)
Damn, I want to get with that
                                                            
Orlando looks at himself in the mirror, fixes his hair,
shuts off the car and say's "she's worthy". Steps out of
the car and runs towards the girl.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to girl)
Hi, I couldn't help but notice how
beautiful you are. My name is
Orlando, what's yours?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
      (smiling)
Sheila. Nice to meet you Orlando,
but I'm late for an appointment.
                                                            
Sheila is walking briskly and Orlando is pursuing her.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
That's cool, can I escort you?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
No thanks. I'm almost there.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Well, can I at least get your
number?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
I live with my parents, and I'm
not allowed to receive calls after
10.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
It is clearly not my intent to
call you that late. (beat) So, how
about it?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
How about if you give me your
number?
                                                            

19.

                       ORLANDO
Sure! You have a pen?
                                                            
Sheila stops in front of a building. Orlando looks up and
realizes it is the same building of the casting agent.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Let me guess. You are cast in a
Steven Spielberg movie as an
extra..right?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
      (surprised)
Yeah! How did you know?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (sarcastically)
Oh..I don't know..maybe because I
am all knowing..ha. (beat) Well,
I'll see ya around sometime.
Sorry, to take up your time
                                                            
                       SHEILA
I'll see ya around
                                                            
Sheila enters building
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to self)
Yeah, Hopefully very soon
                                                            
 
INT. ORLANDO'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
The front door swings open, and Orlando walks in. The phone
rings, and Orlando walks to the phone looking smug. He is
seen dragging his feet. He picks up the phone, thinking it's
Spielberg.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (excited)
Hello
                                                            
                       DAN
hey, I got you a job!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (excited)
Where?
                                                            
                       DAN
At my mother's real estate office
                                                            

20.

                       ORLANDO
      (sad again)
Doing what?
                                                            
                       DAN
Answering the phone and stuff
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
That sounds easy, when do I start?
                                                            
                       DAN
You can start right now, if you
want. My mother needs someone
ASAP, because all the agent's are
out showing houses. And the
receptionist left due to an
emergency. (break) You up for it?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Why don't you do it?
                                                            
                       DAN
Because I'm not the one who needs
a job! So, are you going to do it
or what?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (reluctantly)
Yeah, I'll do it.
                                                            
                       DAN
Dude, this is an easy job...don't
screw it up!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
who me?
                                                            
                       DAN
Yeah you! If you screw this up
I'll never hang with your sorry
ass again..understand?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Don't worry buddy. I'll have
everything under control.
After-all, I am a new person. The
old me has left the building with
Elvis.
                                                            
 

21.

INT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Dan's MOTHER, MRS ANDERSON, is going over details with
Orlando.
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
Alright Orlando, this is the
phone. All I want you to do is
answer it and take messages.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
That's it? You need me to do
anything else? I mean..answering
phones seems to easy.
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
It is very important to answer the
phone in a pleasant voice.
Character means everything in this
business.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Don't worry Mrs Anderson. I am
the most pleasant person you have
ever met.
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
I know you are, dear, but I have a
lot of celebrity clients and some
of them have attitudes. So, don't
talk back.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
No problem. I got this thing
covered.
                                                            
Mrs. Anderson opens a draw and pulls out a set of key's.
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
Alright, I'm running a bit late.
Here are the keys. Lock up at
8..and not earlier.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
No problem.
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
I have to go. I left a number
where I can be reached. See you
later.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Bye Mrs Anderson. Good luck
                                                            

22.

Mrs Anderson exits the door. Orlando see's her out and
waves bye to her. Then walks back into the office.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Alright. Time to Par-tay
                                                            
Phone rings. Orlando answers
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Hello Anderson Realty. Orlando
speaking, how may I help you?
                                                            
MAN, is on the phone with Orlando
                                                            
                       MAN
Yes, I need to speak to Gail
Anderson
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Mrs Anderson is at a showing right
now. Can I take a message?
                                                            
                       MAN
Yes, I saw a nice ranch with my
wife the other day and would like
to make an offer on the property.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
yeah yeah..what is your name?
                                                            
                       MAN
Alec
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Do you have a last name, Alec?
                                                            
                       MAN
Baldwin. Alec Baldwin.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Ahhh..Thee Alec Baldwin?
                                                            
                       MAN
Yes. Can you have Gail return my
call? As soon as possible too. I
would like to close this deal as
soon as possible.
                                                            

23.

                       ORLANDO
Alright. I will give her the
message that the great Alec
Baldwin called on the ranch that
he saw with his wife.
                                                            
                       MAN
That will greatly be appreciated
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Hey, you wouldn't happen to know
Steven Spielberg..would you?
                                                            
                       MAN
I'm Alec Baldwin, I know everyone
from Kings to Queens to the
President of the United States.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Well, maybe you can help me out. I
handed him a movie script and
wanted to know if you can get him
to read it? Oh, there is an
awesome part in it for you.
                                                            
                       MAN
You know what?..Tell Gail the deal
is off. I can't be hounded like
this.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Hello..hello...Mr Baldwin??
                                                            
Alec Baldwin hung up the phone on Orlando. Orlando can be
seen putting down the phone
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Your movies suck..anyway.
                                                            
The door can be seen slowly opening. The back of a woman
can be seen. She has long blond hair and is very tall.
REVEAL ELLE MAC PHERSON
                                                            
Orlando turns around and is shocked by who is standing in
front of him.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh my God!! You're..you're
you're..
                                                            

24.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Elle Mac Pherson. Who was that on
the phone? He sounded really
really mad.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh..no one that you would know.
So, what brings you here? I mean
how can I help you?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Is Jacques around?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (star struck)
Ah...ah..I think he is out showing
a house, but maybe I can help you?
                                                            
Elle looks to Orlando and flashes her puppy dog eyes, which
makes Orlando melt
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Darn..he was suppose to show me
that house that I fell in love
with.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Tell me which house you want, and
I can show you it...if you like.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Well, it was a small cottage..in
the woods..far away from anyone,
and it had a really big pool. I
love to sunbath, and I'm so shy.
                                                            
Orlando is trying everything in his power to keep cool.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Well, I have keys...I can show you
                                                            
Elle flashes a seductive smile towards Orlando, and proceeds
to swirl his tie with her fingers
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Are you an agent?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Sure I am
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
That's funny, because I never have
seen you here before.
                                                            

25.

                       ORLANDO
      (thinking)
Well...that's because I
transferred. Yep,I transferred...
                                                            
Elle gets closer to Orlando. Her lips almost touch his.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Really? Where were you transferred
from?
                                                            
Orlando is sweating
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Ah..from Beverly Hills. I was an
agent to the stars..and well, you
know how celebrities are...They
have attitudes.
                                                            
Elle pushes off Orlando, and steps back a few feet. She is
playing it straight
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Yeah, I can relate. So, you ready
to show me what you got..or what?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah, let me go in the back to get
the keys. Don't-go-anywhere..I'll
be right back.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Don't worry..I'll be right here
                                                            
Orlando casually walks to the back room. When he arrives
there he starts to excitingly get freaked out. It is like
he hit the lottery.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to self)
Holy shit!! Elle mother fucking
MacPherson!! I'm going to take the
girl of every man's dreams to a
house that I have no clue where it
is!! For the love of God..get a
grip man. This is the shit that
dreams are made of!
                                                            
Orlando peaks out to see Elle. She can be seen looking in a
mirror and dolling herself up.
                                                            
After 30 seconds or so, he emerges from the back with keys
in hand
                                                            

26.

                       ORLANDO
Well, good news, I have the keys!
Let's go.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (under breath)
Wait 'til my friends here this
                                                            
Orlando and Elle exit the main door of the office
                                                            
 
EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Orlando is locking the door to the real estate office. Elle
wraps her arms around him, signalling him to hurry up
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
Ready?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Yeah, are we going in your car?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO (vo)
      (to self)
Shit! I can't drive around a
supermodel in my piece of shit
Mazda
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
Actually, my car is in the shop.
Ferrari's are so unreliable. Can
we go in yours?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (pointing to '83
       Mazda)
Who's car is that?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Beats me. I wouldn't be caught
dead in that.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Well, i think it's cute
                                                            
Orlando approaches a car that his similar to his. it is
Elle's car, and they both get in it.
                                                            
 

27.

INT. AN EMPTY HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Mrs Anderson is showing a house to a COUPLE. MR and MRS
COLEMAN
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
      (to couple)
So, Mr and mrs Coleman what do you
think? Should we sign the papers
now or later?
                                                            
                       MRS COLEMAN
It's exactly what we are looking
for, but we need some time to
think it over.
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
Fine, feel free to walk around the
house some more. I need to make a
phone call. If you suddenly
decide on something I will be
right here, or you can feel free
to call my office
                                                            
Mrs Anderson reaches in her purse for a business card and
hands it to the young couple
                                                            
                       MR COLEMAN
Thank you, and thank you for all
your help.
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
I hope to hear from you soon
                                                            
The Coleman's exit. Mrs Anderson reaches for her cellphone
and begins to dial the number to the office. The answering
machine picks up.
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
ORLANDO!!!
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S CAR - NIGHT
                                                            
The day has turned into dusk, and Orlando and Elle are
having a nice converstaion
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Do you mind if I ask you a
personal question?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
No, go right ahead
                                                            

28.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
What is your ethnicity?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
It's a long story. I just usually
check "other"
                                                            
Elle makes a right turn up a long and twisting driveway.
They arrive to a really big mansion.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Here we are.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Whoa! I thought you said this
place was small?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (smiling)
It is..silly
                                                            
 
EXT. MANSION - NIGHT
                                                            
Orlando and Elle are at the front door. Orlando is fumbling
with keys, trying to find the right one. Elle is just
smiling at him. After trying all the keys on his key chain,
he can't open the door.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I think the door is stuck
                                                            
Elle reaches in her pocket and pulls out a set of keys.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Let me try.
                                                            
Elle inserts a key into the door and unlocks it.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
How did you do that?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
magic
                                                            
They both enter the mansion
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S MANSION - NIGHT
                                                            
Elle walks in, drops the keys and her purse on an end table.
She takes off her sweater..exposing a tank top underneath.
Walks over to the radio and turns it on to a classical music

29.

station. Orlando has no clue what to make of it. It is
just too good to be true, and he thinks he is dreaming
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Care for some wine? You are old
enough..aren't you?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Well, I'm working. (beat) sure,
why not
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Make yourself comfortable
                                                            
Orlando walks into the living room, and takes a seat on the
couch. A few seconds later Elle walks in holding two
glasses of wine. She hands one to Orlando
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You're not a very good actor
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Who are you kidding? I'm great!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Sure you are
                                                            
Elle takes a seat next to Orlando, and he moves away. Elle
moves closer
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You think I'm the biggest loser,
don't you?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Losers don't get to ride in my
car, get invited to my house and
drink my 100 dollar a bottle wine.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh, I get it!! You're one of those
serial killing supermodels..huh!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
No silly..I just want to be your
friend.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
yeah..right...Elle MacPherson
wants to be my friend
                                                            

30.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Why do you have to be so down on
yourself?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Look at me..I'm a failure in
everything I do. I can't hold
down a job...and as you know I
can't tell the truth..to save my
life. I always wanted to be a
famous actor. I want to be the
guy who drives the Ferrari.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You do drive the Ferrari..it's in
the shop, remember?
                                                            
They both chuckle
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Ha ha very funny
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Look..if you want to be famous
then just do it!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah, that is sure easy for you to
say
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Are you implying that I didn't
have to work hard for what I have?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
God no..What I am trying to say
is..well, since you put it that
way I don't really know what I'm
trying to say
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
What is the one thing, besides
drinking wine with me, that you
really like to do?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I like to surf.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
No silly. What is your passion?
What is the thing that you want to
do the most, and get paid for it?
                                                            

31.

                       ORLANDO
Well, I think I really like to
write.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Think?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Know! I know that I like to write
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Then write a novel, or a pilot, or
a cookbook. Do what you like to
do!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I actually wrote a movie script.
As a matter of fact, I gave Steven
Spielberg a copy of it yesterday.
He probably threw it away
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Nonsense! He is the nicest
person, and if he likes it he will
give you a call!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I really love to write. It's
funny, because I have a hard time
trying to talk to people. But, it
is so easy to put my thoughts on
paper. Besides..
                                                            
The phone can be heard ringing
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Hold that thought
                                                            
Elle runs to the phone and answers it
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone)
Hello...yes Mrs Anderson
                                                            
Orlando has a shocked look on his face. He springs from the
couch and runs towards Elle. Elle motions him to sit down
and reassures him. Orlando listens in on one side of the
earpiece.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON (cont)
      (on phone)
Yes, as a matter of fact he is
right here.
                                                            

32.

                       ORLANDO
That's it..I'm dead!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone)
Yes, Orlando was so nice to show
me the property, and I will take
it. Yes, your agent Orlando is a
charming person. I will have my
accountant contact you in the
morning.
                                                            
Elle hands phone to Orlando
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to orlando)
She wants to talk to you
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Hey, Mrs Anderson..how are you
this great evening?.
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
What the hell did you do? How did
you do it!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Oh, you're too kind Mrs Anderson
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
I want to see you first thing in
the morning!!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yep, sure thing..ok you take care
now..I gotta run..bye
                                                            
Orlando hangs up the phone
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
That sweet and gracious woman..
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Well, I have to call it a night. I
have an early shoot in the
morning, but I have a little
surprise for you
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Surprise? What kind of surprise?
                                                            

33.

Elle displays an ear to ear smile
                                                            
 
INT. DAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Dan and Steve are doing the usual thing--drinking beer's and
talking trash
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Dan)
You hear from Orlando?
                                                            
                       DAN
He's working at my mom's office
                                                            
                       STEVE
Oh shit! Watch out.
                                                            
                       DAN
I don't think my mom is going to
fire him. All he has to do is to
answer the phone. How hard is
that?
                                                            
                       STEVE
Bet you 10 bucks he gets fired
                                                            
                       DAN
You already owe me 10
                                                            
                       STEVE
Fine..double or nothing
                                                            
Mrs Anderson storms in the house excited!
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
Dan! You have some real idiots for
friends!! You ever ask me to hook
one of your friends with a job
again, I will kick your ass
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Dan)
Pay up bitch!
                                                            
                       DAN
How did he screw up...this time?
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
He actually didn't screwup..I mean
he lied to a customer, but we all
do that. He just sold one of my
million dollar listing's to Elle
            (MORE)

34.

                       MRS ANDERSON (cont'd)
MacPherson!!
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Steve)
You were saying?
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S GARAGE - NIGHT
                                                            
Elle leads Orlando into her garage to unveil his surprise.
There is a car with a car cover over it. The bottom of the
cover shows to be a red car underneath it.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You know, when you said you had a
surprise for me I didn't have a
garage in mind
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
I'm never here, and I never get to
enjoy some of my toys...and since
your Ferrari is in the shop, maybe
you could enjoy mine.
                                                            
Elle takes the car cover off the car to expose a shiny red
1981 Ferrari 308
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Whoa! That's a '81 Ferrari 308
GTSI Quatrovolvo
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
What do you think? Is this
something that you would be caught
dead in?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'm speechless
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
It's yours. take it, all it does
is collect dust
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Why are you so nice to me?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Because I want to be. Now, go
take it for a ride and show off to
your friends
                                                            
Orlando jumps in the car and grips the steering wheel.
                                                            

35.

                       ORLANDO
This is so beautiful. Well, not
as beautiful as you..of course
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Have fun, and feel free to call me
anytime
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (sad)
You mean, this is it? No more of
us hanging out? Because if that's
the case you can keep the car
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (smiling)
Call me
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
When I become famous I will not
forget you
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Sure you won't
                                                            
 
INT. DAN'S HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Dan is hanging with Steve. They look like they are ready to
step out of the house
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Steve)
Where did that clown go, anyway?
It's not like he has a life, or
anything like that.
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Dan)
Or friends. Come on, let's go
                                                            
 
EXT. DAN'S DRIVEWAY - DAY
                                                            
Dan and Steve step out of the house and are walking down the
driveway to the street--slowly--while talking trash about
Orlando
                                                            
                       DAN
I'm sick of this kid...He just
gets on my nerves
                                                            

36.

                       STEVE
Yeah, and he's a fucking liar!
                                                            
                       DAN
You noticed that too!
                                                            
                       STEVE
Of course, dude. I mean all these
girls that he claims to have slept
with..or talked to..I mean, have
you ever seen him with a girl?
                                                            
                       DAN
Tell me about it..you think he's
gay?
                                                            
                       STEVE
No..just a fucking liar
                                                            
                       DAN
Dude, why do we even hang around
his ass?
                                                            
                       STEVE
Well, we need someone to laugh
at..right?
                                                            
                       DAN
You got that right!
                                                            
Dan and Steve high five each other at the end of the
driveway. They hear a very nice sounding car and both turn
their heads up the street to see what it is. It is Orlando
driving down the street in his shiny red Ferrari. He comes
to a screeching stop in front of Dan and Steve.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What do you guys think?
                                                            
                       DAN
Holy shit! Where did you steal
this thing?
                                                            
Steve has a look of jealousy on his face, and decides to
find a way out
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
Nice car bro.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Steve)
You wanna ride, or what?
                                                            

37.

                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
Actually, I got to go. I'll see
you guys around
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Steve)
You need a ride?
                                                            
                       STEVE
Nah, I'm all set. later guys
                                                            
Steve EXITS
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Orlando)
Screw him anyway..this car is a
two seater
                                                            
Dan hops into the passenger seat like a fat kid in a candy
store. Orlando peels out, and leaves Steve in a dust cloud
                                                            
 
INT. FERRARI - DAY
                                                            
Orlando driving and Dan in the passenger seat
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Dan)
My friend..you are driving in the
best automobile ever made. Oh,
and how do the "Rich, Corinthian
leather" seats feel on your fat
ass?
                                                            
                       DAN
Who's car is this?...really?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Dude, if I told you, you would
never believe me.
                                                            
                       DAN
You're not a liar..how did you get
this car? (beat) Look..did you
just see that hot girl look at
us!? Look, there's another..and
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
another and another and another..I
know. I have been driving this
car all night. I slept in it too.
This is the answer to my lack of
            (MORE)

38.

                       ORLANDO (cont'd)
babes problem
                                                            
                       DAN
Pull over
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What for?
                                                            
                       DAN
The chicks man...how are we to
pick them up if we don't talk to
them?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You'll do the talking?
                                                            
                       DAN
Fuck yeah...pull over. I want that
one!
                                                            
Orlando spins the car around in a U-Turn and pulls over to a
couple of hot girls
                                                            
                       DAN
What up ladies?
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
Wow, is this your car?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yes it is
                                                            
Orlando looks over to the second girl. He recognizes her as
Sheila..the girl he talked to the other day after the
casting call
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to second girl)
Hey..I remember you. You're
Sheila..from the other day..right?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Yeah, hi..I didn't remember you
driving this car, though...How
have you been?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'm doing good. How about you?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Well, your future wife is doing
really good
                                                            

39.

                       ORLANDO
You remembered!
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Of course I did!
                                                            
                       DAN
You girls wanna go for a ride?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Sure
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
Sure
                                                            
                       DAN
Hop in
                                                            
                       FIRST GIRL
But, there is no room
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Sit on their lap, stoopid
                                                            
The two girls hop in the car and awkwardly sit on Dan and
Orlando's lap
                                                            
 
EXT. GRASSY FIELD - DAY
                                                            
Dan and the first girl are laying on the grass, rolling
around and getting frisky. Orlando and Sheila are sitting
on a big rock. Dan and the girl look at each other and
exchange a long kiss
                                                            
                       SHEILA
      (to Orlando)
Look at those two
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Sheila)
Yeah, they're going at it pretty
heavy
                                                            
                       SHEILA
      (to Orlando)
So gross!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Sheila)
What? You jealous?
                                                            

40.

                       SHEILA
No! (beat) What do you look for in
a girl?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I don't know. Someone that I can
cuddle up with. I look for a girl
that I can be upfront and honest
with. I just haven't been able to
find the "one", but I'm still
looking
                                                            
Sheila starts laughing hysterically, Dan notices and stops
making out with the girl. He turns to Orlando and Sheila
for a comment
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Orlando and
       Sheila)
Keep it down over there! We're
trying to make out!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Sheila)
What are you laughing for!?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
For starters..you're a guy, and
guys don't cuddle. And guys don't
look for the "one"...more like the
one right now.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Sheila)
I'm dead serious. I'm looking for
the one. I don't have room in my
life for a slut. I have my
priorities, and lofty goals.
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Yeah, it seems like you're doing
alright for yourself
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
There is always room to do better.
(beat) I really want to be an
actor or writer, and I want to get
out of this hell hole of a State.
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Hey, I love Rhode Island. There
is so much to do here, and summers
are wonderful
                                                            

41.

                       ORLANDO
Do you want to get married?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
      (shocked)
What? We're not even going out!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (flustered)
No...not marry me..Do you want to
get married..in the future?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Oh...Of course I do. What girl
doesn't want to get married?
                                                            
Sheila makes an attempt to hug Orlando. He welcomes her
advance and they embrace.
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Is this what you want?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You tell me?
                                                            
                       SHEILA
Did you bring some protection?
                                                            
 
INT. ORLANDO'S BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
Orlando is sound asleep in his bed--shirtless, and tangled
up in two blankets. The alarm radio goes off and he reaches
to shut it off. Music stops and a radio announcer comes on
                                                            
                       RADIO ANNOUNCER
Rise and shine campers. It's 6:30
and here are your morning
headlines. Topping our news,
talks are under way for the first
ever world peace summit in Turkey.
It is reported that the President
is close to getting both sides to
signing a deal. In local news,
Steven Spielberg has just wrapped
up shooting his new picture, that
was entirely filmed right here in
Rhode Island. The film is set to
be released in the fall, titled
"Collosal Endeavors" Starring
Samuel Jackson and Elle
MacPherson. The
                                                            

42.

Orlando opens his eyes!
                                                            
                       RADIO ANNOUNCER (cont)
movie will undoubtedly be a
smashing success. For 94 HJY
news, this is Ken Fang.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Elle?..Elle is in the movie?
but...
                                                            
The phone rings. Orlando jumps out of bed to pick it up. It
is revealed that it's Steven Spielberg on the other line
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone with
       Steven Spielberg)
hello...you're putting me
on..right? Dan..Steve..this isn't
funny
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
      (on phone with
       Orlando)
No, I am not putting you on. This
is Steven Spielberg
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone with
       Steven Spielberg)
I'm having a dream..right?
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
      (chuckling)
No, I'm afraid not. I am calling
to tell you that I went over your
script, and I'm impressed.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Are you serious?
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
Yes I am, but keep in mind that it
needs some work. But there is a
story in there. I'm leaving for
Los Angeles and would love it if
we can get together and talk.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah, sure (beat) pen? Sure I have
a pen
                                                            

43.

Orlando runs around the room looking for a pen. He finds
one on the nightstand, and finds an overdue utility bill to
write on
                                                            
                       ORLANDO (cont)
Ok, yep..uh huh 1135 or 1153? Ok
1135. I'm so excited Mr
Spielberg. I promise I won't let
you down. I owe you big time!
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
Ha! You don't owe me a thing--yet.
I have to say that I like the
story, but the plot is a tad bit
outrageous.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah, I know..it is a wee bit
outrageous..but I can change it if
you want?
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
I'll see you in a few days,
Orlando
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Sure..see you then..bye
                                                            
Orlando hangs up the phone and is running around the room,
playing air guitar and chanting
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (Singing)
I'm going to Hollywood..I'm going
to Hollywood..gonna make a
movie...with..shit, what rhymes
with Spielberg? (beat) What am I
going to wear?
                                                            
 
EXT. DAN'S DRIVEWAY - DAY
                                                            
Dan is outside washing his car. Orlando pulls up in the
Ferrari. The radio is blaring loudly--playing a Jimi
Hendrix tune. Orlando pulls in the driveway
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Dan)
While you're at it, you can wash
my car.
                                                            
                       DAN
What's going on?
                                                            

44.

                       ORLANDO
Your mother isn't home, is she?
                                                            
Mrs. Anderson runs out of the house
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (under breath)
Oh Shit
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
      (to Orlando)
Are you coming in to work today? I
have a surprise for you
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Mrs Anderson)
Surprise? for me? You mean I'm not
in trouble?
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
Trouble? non sense, suga. Well, I
hate to spoil the surprise, but oh
well..what the heck. What do you
think about getting your real
estate license?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Well...that is really great but..
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Orlando)
Did my mother tell you that Elle
stopped by with one huge mother
fucking check?
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON
      (to Dan)
Watch your mouth! You know you're
not allowed to curse, and as long
as your living under my roof!
                                                            
Mrs. Anderson turns to Orlando
                                                            
                       MRS ANDERSON (cont)
      (to Orlando)
So, what do you say? Come work for
me
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Actually..I can't. I just got the
opportunity of a lifetime. I got a
call from Steven Spielberg today
and I'm leaving for Hollywood
                                                            

45.

                       MRS ANDERSON
Good for you, doll..but, Hollywood
isn't for nice people like you.
They will eat you up, besides you
have a knack for Real Estate..and
you have people skills.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Well, I'll call you if this plan
fails, but i have to take a
chance. The window of opportunity
is only open for a short time.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Dan)
What's the matter dude? You're
quiet. Aren't you happy for me?
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Orlando)
Sure bro
                                                            
Mrs Anderson exits to the inside of the house
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Dan)
Dude, so what's up with your girl?
You guys were going at it pretty
heavy!
                                                            
Dan shoves Orlando
                                                            
                       DAN
Why do you gotta bust my balls?
You got the car. You got some
fucking supermodel..although, I
have no fucking idea how you got
her. Does she know you're a
fucking liar? huh? Does she know
that you're a fucking piece of
shit?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Dude, what the fuck is your
problem? I thought we were
friends?
                                                            
                       DAN
Fuck you, fuck your car and fuck
yourself in Hollywood. You're just
a fucking nigger. Get the fuck out
of my house
                                                            

46.

Dan slams a wet sponge on the ground and walks up the
driveway to his house. Upon approaching the door he slams
it..popping out the screen. Orlando is standing there in
disbelief. He grabs the garden hose and proceeds to wash
off the soap from Dan's car. A phone can be heard ringing
inside the Ferrari. Orlando drops the hose and heads for
the car, jumping in, starting it up, putting the car in
reverse and picking up the phone
                                                            
 
INT. FERRARI - DAY
                                                            
Orlando is on the car phone with Elle
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Hello
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone with
       Orlando)
I heard, and congratulations!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Thanks, and why didn't you tell
me!?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone with
       Orlando)
You didn't ask! So, are you happy?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
I don't know what to think
anymore.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone with
       Orlando)
Stop this nonsense. You got what
you want, now go and get it
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
I know, but I just got into a
fight with Dan..He just snapped at
me for no reason at all
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone with
       orlando)
Jealously can do it. Believe me,
I know. So, when are you coming to
            (MORE)

47.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON (cont'd)
L.A.?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Well, I might as well leave
tonight.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone with
       Orlando)
You have a place to stay?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
You know..good question. I
haven't thought of that
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone with
       Orlando)
Good! You're staying with me
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
What? I don't know if I can take
all the supermodel's going in and
out of your place.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone)
Don't be silly! I'll see you when
you get here.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Elle, can I ask you a question?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone with
       Orlando)
Sure
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Is there anything going on with
you and Letterman?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone)
God! I wish!
                                                            

48.

                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
I'm just asking because I don't
want my butt to get kicked in
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone)
Oh please! Hurry up, I need
someone to apply some suntan
lotion on my back
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
yeah yeah yeah. Ciao baby
                                                            
Orlando hangs up the phone, and has a smile from ear to ear
on his face. He upshifts the car and takes off!
                                                            
 
EXT. LAX - DAY
                                                            
Orlando steps off the plane, makes his way to the baggage
carousel. Then he heads to the main door to get a Taxi, but
sees a man in a chauffeurs outfit holding a sign that reads
ORLANDO REMINGTON. He approaches the LIMO DRIVER
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'm Orlando
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
Good afternoon. I will be your
driver. May I help you with your
bags sir?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
No..I got 'em...thanks
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
If you will follow me sir, I'll
take you to the car
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Where are we going, anyway?
                                                            
 
INT. LIMO - DAY
                                                            
Orlando is sitting comfortably in the back seat. He is
excited and starts to go through draws and the cooler. He
catches something at the corner of his eye. He turns and
sees a weirdo freek out the window of the car. He starts to
laugh
                                                            

49.

                       ORLANDO
      (To Limo Driver)
Do all the people look like freaks
here?
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
      (to Orlando)
Some people are, but not most.
(beat) Is this your first time
here, sir?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yes, this is my first time in
California
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
What took you so long? I think you
will love it here. Los Angeles is
full of diversity and there is
always something to do..not to
mention the sunny weather..and las
chicas
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I would've been here earlier, but
I was afraid that everybody in
California was gay. I'm not
saying that gay people are bad or
anything. I'm just..
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
      (to Orlando)
I'm not gay, sir. Me gusta las
chicas
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I can't believe I said that. It's
not like me to say stuff like
that. I mean, well, I swear a lot
but that's because..Oh, I don't
know.
                                                            
The driver turns right and stops in front of a driveway. He
rolls down the window and speaks into an intercom
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
Mr. Orlando Remington is here
                                                            
A buzzer sounds, gate opens and a very big mansion is
exposed. Orlando is looking in amazement. The driver
proceeds up the 1/4 mile long driveway
                                                            

50.

                       ORLANDO
      (To Limo Driver)
Man, do all the houses look like
this?
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
Only if you're filthy rich
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'd say
                                                            
The driver reaches the front of the huge mansion.
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
We're here, sir
                                                            
The Driver steps out of the car and opens the door for
Orlando.
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
We are here, sir. Hope you enjoy
the sites
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
This is Elle's house, isn't it?
                                                            
                       LIMO DRIVER
That is correct sir
                                                            
Orlando walks up to the door. He pulls a can of Binaca from
his jacket..gives a couple squirts in his mouth, turns the
door know and lets himself in.
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S LA MANSION - DAY
                                                            
Orlando walks in, drops his jacket to the floor.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (shouting)
Honey, I'm home! Lock up the kids
                                                            
Orlando looks around the house, and he can't find anyone.
However, he looks outside the window into the back yard. He
sees some activity from the enormous pool.
                                                            
 
EXT. ELLE'S POOL - DAY
                                                            
There is a man floating on a rubber tube, wearing a cowboy
hat. Orlando looks at the guy and realizes it's PAULY SHORE
                                                            

51.

                       ORLANDO
      (to Pauly)
You're Pauly Shore!
                                                            
                       PAULY SHORE
Hey bud-dy
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Hey wea-e-sel
                                                            
                       PAULY SHORE
Don't mind me. I'm just
recuperating.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
From what?
                                                            
                       PAULY SHORE
From one of my many cancelled tv
shows. Hey, it's what we do.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Why don't you try getting a
job..dude?
                                                            
                       PAULY SHORE
You know how hard it is to get a
job around here?..I'm type casted,
bro.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
whateva
                                                            
                       PAULY SHORE
I'll have you know, I'm not the
dumbass I play in the movies. I
have feelings you know, and I am
smart too.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
So, how do you know Elle anyway?
                                                            
                       PAULY SHORE
Elle?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah..Elle..you know Elle
MacPherson..smoking hot supermodel
who likes to make friends with
simpletons and give them a Ferrari
and a break in showbiz?? That Elle
                                                            

52.

                       PAULY SHORE
Ohhhhhhh. (break) Yeah, I don't
know Elle
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Then what the hell are you doing
in her house?
                                                            
                       PAULY SHORE
No dude..This isn't her house
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
If this isn't Elle's house, then
whos is it?
                                                            
                       PAULY SHORE
      (pointing)
That guys
                                                            
Robert Downey Jr enters, shirtless sipping a mixed drink
from an umbrella glass
                                                            
                       ROBERT DOWNEY JR
      (to Orlando)
Who are you, and what are you
doing in my house?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Your house? I was told this was
Elle's house
                                                            
                       ROBERT DOWNEY JR
You mean this isn't my house?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I don't think so buddy.
                                                            
                       ROBERT DOWNEY JR
Shit! I did it again. Come on
Pauly..let's go
                                                            
                       PAULY SHORE
Do we have to?
                                                            
                       ROBERT DOWNEY JR
Yeah, you can play with all the
rubber duckies you want at my
house (beat) just as soon as I
find it
                                                            
Robert Downey Jr and Pauly Shore exit
                                                            

53.

                       ORLANDO
I can't believe I just met the
Ironman!
                                                            
Elle walks in, wearing a purple one piece swimsuit and silk
robe
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Hello darling. How was the trip?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Do you know that Pauly Shore and
Robert Downey Jr were here hanging
around in your pool?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
They're always here. Hey, you want
to go to a party?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You have two strangers in this
huge house and you don't care?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Relax. They are harmless. So, you
want to go to the party with moi?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Any celebrities?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
of course
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I need something to wear
                                                            
 
INT. HOLLYWOOD PARTY - NIGHT
                                                            
Orlando and Elle enter the party. All the A list celebs are
there.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
Look! That's Sandra Bullock!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Go and introduce yourself. She's
single you know
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah, but what would she want with
a normal guy?
                                                            

54.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
She's all alone. Look, she looks
uncomfortable. Go make your move
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Maybe later, but right now I want
to dance. Will you dance with me?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
I would love to
                                                            
They begin to dance to Whitney Houston's "I wanna dance with
somebody". They are a hit, and curious celebs start to ask
who the guy is with Elle. JENNIFER ANISTON AND COURTNEY COX
are looking at Orlando and Elle
                                                            
                       JENNIFER ANISTON
      (To Courtney Cox)
Who is that guy with Elle?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY COX
      (to Jennifer
       Aniston)
I don't know, but he is sexy
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
Why is everyone looking at us?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Orlando)
Because, you are dancing with me!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
No, it's because I'm dancing with
you
                                                            
Music changes to a slow song, "Lady in red". Elle looks over
to Sandra and grabs Orlando close and starts to slowdance
with him. Grinding him.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What are you doing?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
We mustn't disappoint our fans
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Ok, but be gentle...I'm sensitive
                                                            
They both laugh

FIVE MINUTES LATER

55.


Song is over. They exit the dance floor
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
You thirsty?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (smiling)
Very!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'll get us something to drink
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Just get me a bottled water
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Alright. One bottled water coming
up
                                                            
Orlando makes his way over to the bar. SANDRA BULLOCK is
seated, looking uncomfortable. The BARTENDER is Isaac from
the "Love Boat"
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
      (to Orlando)
What'll you have?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
A bottled water and a Rolling Rock
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
Sorry, but we don't carry Rolling
Rock
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Then a Heineken
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
Coming right up
                                                            
Sandra Bullock immediately looks at Orlando and smiles when
she hears him order a Rolling Rock
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (to Orlando)
I can't believe it! Those are my
two favorite beers!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Mine too!
                                                            

56.

                       SANDRA BULLOCK
I'm Sandra
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh lord, I know who you are. I'm
such a really big fan. (beat) Oh,
my name is Orlando, Orlando
Remington
                                                            
Sandra can't contain her smile
                                                            
MEANWHILE

Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox can be seen in the
background, looking at Orlando
                                                            
                       COURTNEY COX
      (to Jennifer
       Aniston)
He doesn't waste any time
                                                            
                       JENNIFER ANISTON
      (To Courtney Cox)
I know! First Elle, now Sandra.
Who does he think he is?
                                                            
back at the bar
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (to Orlando)
I'm surprised. You don't have a
pitch.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (confused)
Pitch?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
You don't know what a pitch is?
How long have you been in L.A.?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
3 hours
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Wow! Alright..a pitch. Any time
you're at a party, and you're
introduced to someone important
you have to give them a pitch.
Watch--it goes something like
this..ready? alright. Hi I'm
Sandra Bullock, movie star that
speacializes in both high action
and romantic pictures. My special
            (MORE)

57.

                       SANDRA BULLOCK (cont'd)
strengths include my ability to
work well with other actors,
especially hard to work types. I'm
also passionate about acting and
have starred in several
movies.--Now that is a pitch
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You're not serious, are you?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
No. I just wanted to have you tell
me your story. Cheers
                                                            
Sandra taps Orlando's beer bottle.

Elle walks over to the two
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
Oh Elle. I'd like to introduce you
to Sandra. Sandra this is Elle.
OH! She is a supermodel that
specializes in magazine covers and
runways, and charity cases. Can't
forget charity cases
                                                            
Sandra laughs
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Sandra)
Nice to meet you, Sandra. I'm a
big fan of your work
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Me too! We should do something
together
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Well, I just wanted to check up on
my "man". I'll leave you two
alone
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Oh! You don't have to go
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
It's alright. I see someone that I
know.
                                                            

58.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (whispering to
       Orlando)
Go get her tiger
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (to Orlando)
So, a..
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
She's just a friend
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
i didn't..ah..I'm so embarrassed.
                                                            
Sandra turns red
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Don't be. As a matter of fact, I
wanted to talk to you the minute I
walked in
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Why didn't you??
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I figured..that maybe..you might
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
be taken? Nope. I'm single!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You can complete my sentence..wow
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
So, Mr Orlando...what do you do?
                                                            
MEANWHILE

Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox are talking to Elle
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Jenn and
       Courtney)
He is a brilliant screenwriter. He
was discovered by Steven Spielberg
                                                            
                       COURTNEY COX
Really
                                                            
                       JENNIFER ANISTON
I wonder if he has a part for
me..us in one of his screenplays
                                                            

59.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You should ask him
                                                            
                       JENNIFER ANISTON
Oh, I don't want to bother him. He
seems to busy. You mind?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
I'll tell you what. I'll give you
his number, and you can call him
                                                            
                       COURTNEY COX
can I have his number too? For
work reasons..just work.
Networking
                                                            
Back at the bar
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Sandra)
Yeah, so I handed Steven Spielberg
my script and I felt like just a
f-ing loser. I mean--he is
Spielberg, right? Well, he called
me. He said that he liked my work
and flew me over here. We're
suppose to meet tomorrow.
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
That is so cool. You don't here
stories like that anymore. What
is this world coming to?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Well, it was really nice to talk
to you, Sandra. But, I have to
find Elle. Maybe, I will see you
around?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Definitely
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Alrighty then...I guess I'll see
you around
                                                            
Orlando waves good bye to Sandra. He turns away and starts
to leave..then
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (to Orlando)
Hey! Aren't you going to ask for
my number?
                                                            

60.

                       ORLANDO
You know..I was going to..but i
didn't want to bother you
                                                            
MEANWHILE

All the big stars are huddled around Elle. Elle is at the
tail end of a story. The celebs laugh. Orlando walks up to
Elle
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Orlando)
Orlando..darling. Everyone this
is orlando
                                                            
A MAN approaches Orlando and talks to him
                                                            
                       MAN
Thee Orlando? I've seen all your
work. You are totally fab. You
are an acting genius!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'm actually a writer, and I'm not
that famous..not yet anyways
                                                            
                       MAN
That's right. Well, you are still
fab darling. Gotta run, see ya on
the flipside
                                                            
Man exits
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Orlando)
Had enough fun?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yep...
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Wanna go home?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yep!
                                                            
Jennifer Aniston is eavesdropping on Orlando and Elle's
conversation.
                                                            
                       JENNIFER ANISTON
      (to Orlando)
Don't leave just yet. We have a
lot to talk about. have a seat
                                                            

61.

                       COURTNEY COX
      (to Orlando)
We want to know all about you
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Sorry ladies, but I have an early
meeting. It was nice meeting you
                                                            
Elle grabs Orlando by the arms and they walk off.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
What was that all about?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
I think they liked you!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
but, they don't even know me!!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Yes they do
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Elle!
                                                            
They approach the foyer and stop.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Orlando)
On the count of 3 we're going to
run as fast as we can towards the
door.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Why run?
                                                            
Elle grabs Orlando's hand
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
1...2...3
                                                            
They make a run towards the door. Elle grabs hold of the
door knob and opens the door to paparazzi..a mob of
paparazzi
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh My God!
                                                            
They make their way through the mob and into a limo
                                                            
 

62.

INT. LIMO - NIGHT
                                                            
Orlando and Elle get into the limo fighting off the
paparazzi. the car is surrounded by flashing lights.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Are they always like this? What am
i saying..of course they are
always like this!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Get used to it. You are on your
way
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Now I know the meaning of what
it's like to be attacked by sharks
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S MANSION - NIGHT
                                                            
Orlando and Elle walk into the house from the party.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Orlando)
I need to take a shower and go to
bed
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah, me too. Hey. I have an
idea..Why don't we conserve
water..
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Nice try. You get the downstairs
bathroom. Goodnight
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Goodnight
                                                            
Elle walks up the stairs
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Hey Elle, can you tuck me in?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (smiling)
Good night
                                                            
THREE HOURS LATER. Orlando is in bed, sound asleep. He
hears a faint noise and wakes up.
                                                            

63.

                       ORLANDO
Elle?
                                                            
Orlando gets out of bed and heads to the window where he
thinks the noise is coming from. He sees a man with a
camera hiding in the bushes. He is snapping pictures of the
residence. Orlando frantically runs around to find Elle. He
walks out into the hall. He opens a few doors trying to
find Elle's bedroom. He opens a door and hears her snoring.
He walks in and sees that she is sleeping in the nude.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (Holding crotch)
Whoa! not now woody..not now
                                                            
Elle wakes up
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Orlando?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
Elle, there is a guy with a camera
in the bushes!!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
What time is it?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
...seven
                                                            
Elle gets out of bed. She is nude. Orlando has the look of
love
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
What's the matter? Never saw a
naked woman before?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I never saw YOU naked before!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
get over it! Take me to this guy
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Follow me
                                                            
Orlando leads Elle to his bedroom, takes her to the window
and points to the guy
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (pointing)
There he is
                                                            

64.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Wanna have a little fun with this
guy?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What do you ha..
                                                            
Elle turns on the lights, rips off Orlando's pajama top,
grabs him by the back of the head and passionately kisses
him--while in the nude.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
There! So, how was it? Everything
you expected?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Do me a favor..pinch me
                                                            
Elle squeezes Orlando's crotch
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (high pitched
       voice)
Ok, this is not a dream
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Get dressed, you're going to be
late
                                                            
Elle walks out
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
Elle is doing her hair with a curling iron, and Orlando
walks in wearing a very nice black suit
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Orlando)
Look at you! Quite the devilishly
handsome man.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
It's not me...it's Armani
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You nervous?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Not really. Why? Should I be?
                                                            

65.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
I'll let you in on a little
secret. I used to be very nervous
before every gig or shoot.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Why? I mean..you're the hottest
girl in the world!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Beauty is in the mind of the
beholder...and I often feel
bloated
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Could I ask you a question?
                                                            
Elle puts down curling iron
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You look like you have some bad
news or something. Here take a
seat
                                                            
Orlando sits on the bed next to Elle
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Why me? I mean..why are you so
nice to me? You're, by far, the
most attractive woman in the
world. You're talented,
successful...can get anyone ..so,
why are you so nice to me?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Why not?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
No..seriously. If I didn't say
thank you..I am very
thankful..but, you're really doing
a number on me..on my heart. I
think I'm in..I think I'm in...
                                                            
Elle puts her finger on his lips, and gives him a peck on
the cheek
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
shhh... The car should be here.
We'll talk later
                                                            
 

66.

INT. SPIELBERG'S PROD OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Orlando walks in and approaches the ASSISTANT at the front
desk
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Assistant)
Hello. My name is Orlando and I
have an appointment to see Mr.
Spielberg
                                                            
                       ASSISTANT
Sure. Mr. Spielberg is waiting
for you. Have a seat, he should be
here shortly
                                                            
Assistant reaches for the phone
                                                            
                       ASSISTANT
      (on phone)
There is an Orlando here to see
you
                                                            
The Assistant hangs up the phone and signals Orlando
                                                            
                       ASSISTANT
      (to Orlando)
He will see you now. Just walk
through the double doors and his
office is on the right
                                                            
Orlando walks through the set of double doors, and
immediately sees Steven Spielberg. he is on the phone, he
sees Orlando walk in and hangs up. He walks up to orlando
and greets him
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
      (shaking Orlando's
       hand)
Good to see you again, Orlando.
have a seat. Would you like a
coffee, drink, water?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
ah..yeah sure. I'll take a coffee
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
How do you take it?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Cream and 3 sugars
                                                            

67.

                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
      (on phone)
Karen. I need 2 coffee's one black
no sugar and one with cream and 3
sugars
                                                            
Spielberg hangs up the phone
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
      (cont)
I don''t want you to think I'm
brushing you off. I'm at the tail
end of a project, so I apologize
if I cut you off for the
phone--Now--Are you excited?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Absolutely. And thank you so very
much for giving me this great
opportunity. I also understand
that you're a busy guy.
                                                            
Spielberg pulls out script from top drawer and holds it
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
Alright, I gave it a brief read
over. And, I like it. In fact,
I'm thinking of making it into a
sitcom. And, I have some
prospective buyers.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Really? Great, so what do you need
from me?
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
I made a few corrections. Look
through it and send me the second
draft. I'll need it ASAP. We
only have a couple weeks until
pilot season
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Sure, I can have it to you
tomorrow if you want.
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
That would be good, but take a
couple days. I really want a good
script, and you have a lot of
talent. Now, I can forward the
details to your agent if you want
                                                            

68.

                       ORLANDO
Ah..I will tell him.
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
Very well, then. So..see you in a
couple days?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yes sir
                                                            
                       STEVEN SPIELBERG
Feel free to call me Steven
                                                            
Orlando stands up and shakes hands with Steven
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Thank you Steven for everything
                                                            
Orlando walks out of the office into the reception area,
waves good bye to the receptionist and heads to the door.
Before he exits he gets on the cellphone
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on cellphone)
Hey....I need an agent!
                                                            
Orlando hangs up cellphone and walks out the door
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET - DAY
                                                            
Orlando is walking down the street looking at a piece of
paper, then looking at the buildings. He stops at a
building and walks inside. The building has the words
"Devlin Talent Agency" written on the door
                                                            
 
INT. DEVLIN TALENT AGENCY - DAY
                                                            
There are 5 people in the office. They are fighting with
the receptionist to get a meeting with the agent. Orlando
approaches the desk and the receptionist.
                                                            
                       RECEPTIONIST
I'm sorry, but Mr Devlin is not
available at the moment.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
My name is Orlando. I was told
to...
                                                            

69.

                       RECEPTIONIST
      (to Orlando)
Yes, Mr Devlin will see you
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Thank you
                                                            
The 5 people are fighting and shouting with the
receptionist. Orlando walks over them, and to the door. He
knocks and a voice says to enter. Orlando walks into Mr.
MARTY DEVLIN's office. He is one of the top celebrity
agents in Hollywood
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
Orlando! I heard such good things
about you. Have a seat. Care for
some Cappuccino?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
No, I'm all set
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
You sure? 'cause I got this
machine sent to me from my buddy
George Clooney while he was in
Italy. He has an amazing Villa
there, you know.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'm all set, really
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
Suit yourself. Alright, let's get
down to business. A friend of
Elle's is a friend of mine, and
let me tell ya...I've made her so
much money over the years. And,
that is what I'm gonna do to you.
As your agent, it's gonna be you
against the world..kid. We're
gonna get a tv show, movie, your
face plastered on the side of a
bus..cereal boxes. The skies the
limit. You're good looking (beat)
care for a breath mint?
                                                            
Hands Orlando some Altoids
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'm all set. You seem pretty
confident. You think this whole
"fame" and money thing is gonna
happen?
                                                            

70.

                       MARVIN DEVLIN
I don't think it...I know it.

(reaches for newspaper)

Look at this shit. Did you see
this shit yet?
                                                            
Newspaper has a picture of Elle and Orlando in a steamy
embrace and kiss
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
      (reading from
       paper)
"Elle MacPherson in passionate
liplock with new boytoy" You and
Elle in a steamy embrace..this
shit is golden. We're gonna make
some money off of this shit. This
stuff doesn't just fall into your
lap without exploiting it...know
what I mean?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Dude, that was done as a gag. Elle
and I caught a photog in the
bushes. It was just fun
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
Come on kid, you think anyone is
gonna believe that? Besides, that
does not sell newspapers.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
2 days in L.A. and I already made
the tabloids
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
Hell yeah you did! Alright, so
tell me what your plans are
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I don't get it. What do you mean?
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
Do I have to spell it out for you?
What are your dreams, aspirations,
goals in life?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh! Well, I just want to be a
writer. Maybe be an actor and
later on a director
                                                            

71.

                       MARVIN DEVLIN
Oh! That reminds me of a
joke..What do you call an out of
work actor?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Ah..
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
a Director!!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I don't get it.
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
I don't get it either. I heard it
at a party, and everyone was
laughing. Maybe I missed a few
words. I'm not a comedian. I'm
an agent.
                                                            
Marvin gets handed an envelope from a bike messenger
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
Oh oh oh. Can this be..what I
think it is...
                                                            
Marvin opens up the envelope and pulls out a check. He
briefly looks at it and slides it over to Orlando
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
You know what I love about this
job? Money!! Lot's and lot's of
money!! Take a look and tell me
what you think
                                                            
Orlando is holding the check with his eyeballs bulging and
jaw dropping
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I think someone made a
mistake....I have never seen a
check with all those zero's in it.
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
You think that's big? That is
nothing. Screenwriters get 50
thousand to 150 thousand for a
script. Actors..they get that per
hour. Let's get this deal done
and we'll get you an acting gig.
                                                            

72.

                       ORLANDO
You think?
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
I don't think anything kid...I
know. You're gonna be the next
big thing. I'm gonna get your ass
on Oprah's couch!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh..I love that bitch
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
And, that bitch is gonna love you!
So, welcome to Hollywood kid.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I know this might come off as a
girl thing, but I feel like going
shopping
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
You go out and have some fun. Buy
anything and everything, the money
will be flowing
                                                            
Orlando gets up and shakes Marvin's hand. Marvin hands him
a cigar, and orlando exits
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S MANSION - DAY
                                                            
Orlando walks in and Elle is laying by the pool
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh, Lucy..I'm home!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
I'm in the pool
                                                            
He makes his way over to the pool
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
You in the mood for shopping?
                                                            
 
EXT. RODEO DRIVE - DAY
                                                            
Orlando and Elle can be seen exiting a store holding several
bags
                                                            

73.

                       ORLANDO
      (turning to Elle)
There's one more stop
                                                            
 
INT. TIFFANY'S JEWELERS - DAY
                                                            
Orlando and Elle walk in, and they are greeted by a sales
associate
                                                            
                       SALES ASSOCIATE
Good afternoon, you two.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Good afternoon..we would like to
buy everything in the store. ha!
Actually, I am looking for a gift
for a very special lady
                                                            
                       SALES ASSOCIATE
Anything special?..necklace,
broach, tennis
bracelet..engagement ring?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (turning to Elle)
What do women like?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Diamonds! diamonds! diamonds! Me?
Now, I prefer necklaces
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Sales
       Associate)
You heard the lady. Take me to
your necklaces! ha!
                                                            
The sales associate walks over to the other end of the store
where there are several high priced necklaces. Orlando and
Elle are in front of the case and Elle see's something she
likes. Orlando is quick to notice
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
You see something you like?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Moi? Don't get any ideas. I am
happy with the jewelry I have
                                                            
Orlando points to the necklace that he caught Elle looking
at
                                                            

74.

                       ORLANDO
      (to Sales
       Associate)
Can I see that one?
                                                            
                       SALES ASSOCIATE
You have great taste. We just got
that in this morning. It would
make the perfect gift
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Hmm..I don't know. I'm not good
at picking out jewelry. (turning
to Elle) Try it on. I need to see
what it looks like
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Don't be silly. I'm not going to
try it on. That thing looks
awfully expensive!
                                                            
Orlando takes hold of the necklace and places it on Elle's
neck, careful to make sure her hair doesn't get caught in
the clasp. He then grabs a mirror and places it in front of
Elle. She is close to tears when she sees it on her
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You like it?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
It's so beautiful
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
There is something I have been
meaning to tell you. I was a
complete failure before I met you.
I was pretty much fired from
every job I had. I didn't have
any friends that cared for me, and
women...But, you came along. I
still don't have a clue why you
wanted to be my friend..or give me
a fancy car. But, thank you.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
...and, I can see Russia from my
house.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (laughing)
What's that suppose to mean!
                                                            

75.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Fairy tales and pixy dust!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Sales
       Associate)
I'll take the necklace
                                                            
The sales associate discreetly shows Orlando the
pricetag....it reads $47,590. Orlando doesn't even flinch,
instead he reaches in his back pocket for his wallet and
pulls out his credit card
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You hungry? My treat
                                                            
 
INT. SPAGO - NIGHT
                                                            
Orlando and Elle are sitting in a dimly-lit romantic booth.
There are so many celebrities around. Michael Douglas,
Charlie Sheen, Alec Baldwin.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
You know..I can get used to being
rich
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Well, you keep spending your money
like that you won't
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Nothing but the best for you!
                                                            
Sandra Bullock walks in
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Look, your girl just walked in
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (Turning)
Where
                                                            
Sandra waves and makes her way over
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Hey guys!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Hey!
                                                            

76.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Hi. Have a seat
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (to Elle)
Oh my! I do love that necklace!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (smiling)
Thank you. Orlando bought it for
me
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (to Orlando)
Well, look at you (beat) You guys
see the front page of the
Enquirer? You're both plastered
all over it
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yeah, yeah. It was all her idea
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Orlando)
You liked it
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
So Sandra. What's going on?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Oh..not much..just wondering why
my phone hasn't rang in a few
days..you know anything about
that..buster! (smiles)
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Look..isn't that Ellen?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
She comes in all the time. Let me
go and say hi
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
We should see more of each other
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
You have my number..call me
                                                            
Sandra exits. Elle looks at Orlando
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
What?
                                                            

77.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
I think she likes you...
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What!? Come on..
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Didn't your mother ever tell you
not to argue with a woman? We
know things..you know
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You're wrong on this, besides I
have my eyes on another woman
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Oh really? Do tell, Playboy
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You have any plans for tonight?
                                                            
Orlando displays a flirtatious smile
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Don't laugh...but, I have a date
                                                            
Orlando loses smile, then quickly tries to pretend like he
is happy
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Great..I'm so happy for you.
Anybody famous?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Maybe..
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Tell me!
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
A proper woman doesn't kiss and
tell
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Please tell me you didn't kiss
him.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
No! What's that look for? You look
all sad. Jealous?
                                                            

78.

                       ORLANDO
No..I just miss the Ferrari. I'm
getting the car shipped over here.
Should be here any day soon
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
That's nice..really it is. I am
happy for you..and your car..your
teeny weeny car
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You know that I wanted to be the
guy who took you out on a date.
Take you out so I can show you off
to everyone, but it's ok. I'll go
out by myself...I'll be fine.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Hell-oo. You poor baby. You're
not too bright are you? What do
you call this? I consider this a
date.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You do??
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Yes! Now I must use the ladies
room and you can take care of the
bill :)
                                                            
Elle get's up, kisses Orlando on the cheek and heads to the
Ladies room
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S MANSION - NIGHT
                                                            
Orlando is on the couch eating popcorn and watching
television. Elle walks down the grand staircase wearing an
amazing black dress with the necklace that Orlando gave her
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
How do I look?
                                                            
Orlando has a look of amazement on his face.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Wow! You look like a
supermodel...wait..you are a
supermodel, well you know what I
mean
                                                            

79.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
So, I take it that you like?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You look really good and all, but
do you have to be that revealing?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
What's wrong with my dress!?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Well..your boobs look like they
are ready to pop out, and you know
the old saying..Why give out the
milk when you can have the
cow..Something like that
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You're calling me a cow???????? I
hate you!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I love you too. Just be home
before midnight
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Don't wait up for me. I'll be
dancing..I really love to dance
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Can you at least put on a jacket?
I don't want you to catch a cold
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You're jealous!! I love it. Come
over here and give me a kiss
                                                            
Elle runs over to Orlando and kisses him on the cheek
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Damn! You smell so good
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Bye bye
                                                            
Elle walks out the door. A few seconds later Orlando looks
out the window to see Elle get into her car
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I still can't believe this shit is
happening to me. This is the
perfect dream life
                                                            

80.

The phone rings. Orlando slowly walks over to it and picks
it up
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Hello
                                                            
Sandra Bullock is on the phone
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (on phone)
Orlando?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Yeah, who's this?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (on phone)
It's Sandra..Sandra Bullock.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Hey Sandra. How are you?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (on phone)
I hope you don't mind me calling
you.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
I don't mind, but how did you get
Elle's number?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (on phone)
You don't know? We know every
single persons phone number in
Hollywood
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Cool!
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
That..was..a joke
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Yeah, I knew that. I meant to
laugh
                                                            

81.

                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (on phone)
There is actually a reason I
called, and I'm glad you answered
the phone. I was wondering..I
have this premiere to go to and my
date cancelled..so I was wond...
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Oh my God!! I would love to go
with you!
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (on phone)
You sure? You don't have to go
with me if you don't want to..or
if Elle doesn't want you too.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
I would be honored to go, and Elle
and I are just friends
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (on phone)
Don't get mad, but you think you
can be ready in an hour?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Absolutely!
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (on phone)
Great, I will send a car for you
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Great! I'll see you then
                                                            
Orlando hangs up the phone and jumps around, all over the
room chanting "She likes me, she likes me, she likes me"
THIRTY MINUTES LATER
the doorbell rings. He quickly runs down the stairs to
answer the door. He is dressed in a tuxedo. The person at
the door is a CAR HAULER with Orlando's Ferrari
                                                            
                       CAR HAULER
      (to Orlando)
I have a delivery for Orlando
Remington
                                                            

82.

Orlando looks at his Ferrari in the driveway. He runs over
it and kisses it. He then starts to talk to it
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (Talking to
       Ferrari)
Oh baby..daddy missed you. How
was my baby? Did Mr. Car Guy take
good care of you?
                                                            
                       CAR HAULER
      (to Orlando)
Hey buddy, I need you to sign for
the car
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to car hauler)
Sure
                                                            
Orlando grabs a clipboard from the car hauler and signs it
                                                            
                       CAR HAULER
Nice house you have here. You
famous or something?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Thanks, but it's my friends house.
                                                            
Orlando hands the clipboard back to the car hauler
                                                            
                       CAR HAULER
Thanks Kato..you have a great
night
                                                            
Car hauler exits
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (under breath)
Kato? Who the hell is Kato?
                                                            
Orlando walks over to the Ferrari one more time, rubs the
hood and SURPRISE Dan and Steve pop out of the car and hell
"SURPRISE"
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What the hell are you guys doing
here!?
                                                            
                       DAN
We had to make sure you weren't
full of shit
                                                            

83.

                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
Look at you Mr. big time, flashy
dresser. Those shoes must have
cost a fortune
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (To Dan and Steve)
This isn't funny. I have a date
any minute now
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Orlando)
You, at least, gonna show us the
house?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Sure, you can come in..but only
for a few minutes
                                                            
They walk into Elle's house
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
Anybody we know?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Steve)
huh?
                                                            
                       STEVE
      (to Orlando)
The date? You dating anybody we
might know?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I guess you can say that
                                                            
                       DAN
      (to Orlando)
Look at Mr. fancy pants over here.
Good for you, bro. I'm happy for
you. You got a nice car, fancy
digs and you're too big for us
already.
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I don't want to be rude, but my
date will be here any minute
                                                            
                       DAN
What? You're kicking us out bro?
                                                            

84.

                       STEVE
      (to Dan)
Fuck this punk. I told you it was
a bad idea. Let's get the fuck
out of here. It's clear that he
is too good for us.
                                                            
Orlando reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of money
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Dan)
Look, here is 500 bucks. Go to a
club, hit the scene and take the
Ferrari
                                                            
                       DAN
We don't want your money bro. We
just came here to apologize, but
it seems we were right. You're a
fucking prick. Let's get out of
here Steve
                                                            
Dan and Steve walk down the driveway. A limo pulls up into
the driveway to pick up Orlando. Orlando looks at the
Ferrari, looks at the garage. Runs into the car and parks
it in the garage. Sandra steps out of the limo and greets
orlando
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (to Orlando)
You look so great!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Sandra)
As do you, my dear
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
      (to Orlando)
Who were those guys walking down
the driveway?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I'll tell you later
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Alright, let's go! You excited?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Very! Oh, let me leave Elle a note
before we go. Be right back
                                                            
 

85.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD MOVIE PREMIERE - NIGHT
                                                            
There are several A list celebs attending a Hollywood movie
premiere. Sandra Bullock is the main star of the film. The
red carpet is out, and Entertainment Tonight is interviewing
celebs as they step on to the red carpet. Orlando and
Sandra step out of the limo. Sandra strikes a pose to the
hundreds of paparazzi that are snapping photos. Orlando is
trying not to look awkward.
                                                            
                       ET REPORTER
Sandra! Sandra! sandra!
                                                            
Sandra stops over to chat with the ET Reporter
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Hi E.T.!
                                                            
                       ET REPORTER
      (to Sandra)
Sandra, how do you rate this
picture? Better than "The
Blindside"?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
That's what we're hoping. No,
seriously..they are two completely
different pictures. I just hope
people will come out and see it. I
have to say, that I snook a peek
at it last month and I was blown
away
                                                            
                       ET REPORTER
      (to Sandra)
We can't help but notice your
date. Who is he?
                                                            
                       SANDRA BULLOCK
Well, E.T...if you must really
know, this is a hot stud I picked
up when I was in Costa Rica.
yep..no, actually he is going to
be the next "big thing'. He just
wrote a movie for Steven
Spielberg..oh heck, just ask him
                                                            
                       ET REPORTER
      (to Orlando)
Ok..who are you?
                                                            

86.

                       ORLANDO
Me llamo es Orlando. Just
kidding. Actually, my name is
Orlando and Sandra is great
                                                            
                       ET REPORTER
      (rolling eyes)
Alright, well there you have it
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S MANSION - NIGHT
                                                            
Elle is wearing a mud mask on her face, eating sliced
cucumbers watching Entertainment Tonight. She sees
headlights from the window. She runs over to it, and peeks
out. She sees Orlando step out of the limo with Sandra.
Elle makes a funny face, then she sees Orlando kiss Sandra
for a few minutes. She then runs to the couch. The door
opens and Orlando walks in
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
Hey! What are you doing home so
early?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
My date was a disaster! How was
your night?
                                                            
Orlando runs over to Elle, and lays across her lap, looking
up at her
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
What a night! What a night! It was
fan-tastic! I went with Sandra to
a fancy premiere...got a little
drunk..
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
That's nice..
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
nice? nice? Whatever..I think
you're jealous
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
NO!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh my God! You are soooo jealous!
Jealous jealous jealous
                                                            

87.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Oh please..(beat) Can I ask you a
question?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Shoot
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
How come you don't make a pass at
me?
                                                            
Orlando springs up from Elle's lap
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
You serious? I'm always making a
pass at you. Am I?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Don't you find me attractive?
                                                            
Orlando is trying not to laugh at Elle's mud mask face
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Of course I do. You are the
prettiest girl in the world, and
that's the problem. You have no
idea what you do to me, but I have
way too much respect for you.
Honestly, it would kill me to see
you date a guy and fall in
love..but, I know that if I was to
be lucky enough to date you it
won't work. I'm not sure I could
live like that--without you in my
life.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
I wish there were more men like
you. This guy couldn't keep his
hands off of me. It's like I'm
just an object. People think that
just because I am a former model
that gives them the right to treat
me like I'm some kind of idiot. I
happen to be smart you know!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Don't forget caring, talented,
beautiful..
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
keep going
                                                            

88.

                       ORLANDO
Well, take it for what it's worth,
but I think you are the bestest,
and I would give anything to be
the guy to date you
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
That's what I like about you. I
like hanging out with you, and I
understand now why you don't hit
on me. I feel the same way
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (smiling)
But..you think that someday..you
know if we can't take the tension
anymore...we can do it?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Ha! Oh hey, your friends stopped
by earlier
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Oh..them. What did they have to
say?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
They just asked if you were
around, but if you ask me I think
they were trying to find a way to
spend the night
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Alright, you asked me a question
now it's my turn
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Alright
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
When you made it, did your friends
think you were too good for them?
Or, did they want to hang around
with you just for your money?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Hmmm.. I honestly can't remember,
but I was a total dork growing up.
When I made it I was focused, and
I was very young. I didn't really
have time to make friends, and the
friends I had were pretty
successful. My best advice to you
is to not let people take
            (MORE)

89.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON (cont'd)
advantage of you...you'll be fine
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Thanks! Well, I'm tired. I'm off
to bed
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Yeah, me too
                                                            
 
INT. ELLE'S BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
Orlando walks in to Elle's room holding a breakfast tray.
Elle is snoring real loud, passed out sleeping
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Wake up! Rise and shine!
                                                            
Elle opens her eyes
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Ugh! What time is it?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
It's 3 o'clock
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
In the afternoon?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Afternoon? Of course the
afternoon! We went to bed at 5 am.
look, I made you breakfast
                                                            
Elle sits up on the bed, and Orlando hands her the tray
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You are so sweet!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I cooked you some eggs, bacon and
sausage
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Awe, that's sweet but I don't eat
meat
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I thought you would say that, so I
brought some grapefruit
                                                            

90.

                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
You didn't have to go to the
trouble. We could have just gone
out for food
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
There is nothing I wouldn't do for
my little girl
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Did I ever tell you how much I
love you?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
No, I can just read it in your
eyes..ha!
                                                            
The phone rings
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Can you get that?
                                                            
Orlando heads to the phone, and he picks it up. It is
Marvin (his agent) on the line
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
Hello
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
      (on phone)
I have been trying to get a hold
of you all day!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Marvin?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (whispering to
       Orlando)
Who is it?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (moving lips)
It's my agent, Marvin
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
You are never going to believe
what I just did for you!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (on phone)
What did you do for me Marvin?
                                                            

91.

                       MARVIN DEVLIN
      (on phone)
I got you a spot on the Late Show
with David Letterman!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (turning to Elle)
Letterman? Cool, when?
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
Tomorrow night. You're a big hit
with Lettermen. apparently he is
jealous of you and Elle making the
tabloids
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Great! Who should I call to make
travel arrangements?
                                                            
                       MARVIN DEVLIN
Don't worry about a thing. Just
show up at the American ticket
counter at LAX and your ticket
will be at the counter
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Alrighty then. Thanks for the
gig. I'll talk to you
later..yep..uh huh..bye
                                                            
Orlando hangs up the phone
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
You wanna go to New York with me?
                                                            
 
INT. LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN - NIGHT
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
My first guest is the most famous,
non-famous person to make the
news. Well, let's just let him
explain it when he comes out.
Please welcome Orlando Remington
                                                            
Audience applause, Orlando walks out. He shakes David's
hand, David whispers in his ear, and Orlando takes a seat in
the chair. David sits down as well.
                                                            

92.

                       DAVID LETTERMAN
      (to Orlando)
Alright, What's the deal? Who are
you?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (smiling)
I don't know
                                                            
Audience laughs
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Actually Dave..I'm just a guy from
Rhode Island
(One audience member claps)
Oh, and apparently the other
person from Rhode Island is here
too
                                                            
Audience laughs
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
Oh, Rhode Island..Now correct me
if I'm wrong but it's the biggest
little State in the union?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Yes
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
So, who did you meet first..Steven
Spielberg or Elle MacPherson?
                                                            
Audience laughs
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (thinking)
Ummm...It was..Oh, Steven
Spielberg!
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
And did you make out with him too?
                                                            
David displays the National Enquirer edition with Orlando
and Elle in a steamy embrace. Audience laughs
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Ouch!
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
Uh..Somebody got some splaining to
do
                                                            

93.

                       ORLANDO
It was just a joke
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
Yeah..uh..Hey, wanna do something
funny? Oh, I have an idea..why
don't you drop your clothes and we
can make out in front of the
paprazzi
                                                            
Audience erupts in hysterical laughter
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
I wanna be in on that joke
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
So, what is your relationship with
Elle?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
We are just friends
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
Uhm..I'm having a hard time
believing that
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
If you want we can get her out
here? She is backstage, and I'm
sure she would love to talk to you
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
      (turning to
       producer)
Do we have time to get her out
here?
Ladies and gentleman please
welcome Elle MacPherson
                                                            
Audience applause, Elle walks out waving, greets Dave with a
kiss on cheek...THEN, she sits on Orlando's lap and gives
him a 15 second kiss. When they are done kissing, Orlando
is left with lipstick on his lips
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
Just friends, huh?
                                                            
Audience laughs
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Dave)
I missed you Dave
                                                            

94.

                       DAVID LETTERMAN
Sure, it looks like you did. Now,
how did you two meet?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (to Orlando)
Do you want to tell them, Pookie
wookie?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
You can tell them
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Hmm..where to begin. Well, I was
in Rhode Island filming a movie
that is set for release in the
fall and I was looking to buy a
house. Orlando was the real
estate agent who sold me the
house.
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
You fell in love with a real
estate agent??? I'm a talk show
host..for the love of God
                                                            
Audience laughs
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Wait! Let me finish!
                                                            
Audience woo's
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Actually I was blown away when I
was handed this movie script from
Steven Spielberg. I read it, and
just went "Wow" I looked to find
out who wrote it and it was
Orlando. So, I was dying to meet
him...and here we are
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
No..really
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Really
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Really!
                                                            

95.

                       DAVID LETTERMAN
Alright, let me see if I have this
straight. A plain ol' normal guy
from Rhode Island meets a very
beautiful and talented Supermodel
and gets a film deal from Steven
Spielberg and makes out with Elle
in her multi-million dollar
mansion? Am I missing anything?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
No. That is pretty much it
                                                            
Elle runs her fingers all over Orlando's hair
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
That sounds like a good story..a
little unbelievable, but a good
story. So, what is the movie
you're working on?..if you don't
mind me asking?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Well, it is about an everyday
normal guy--from Rhode Island--who
shacks up with a Supermodel, and
gets a film deal by none other
than Steven Spielberg...sound
familiar?
                                                            
                       DAVID LETTERMAN
Orlando and Elle everyone. We'll
be right back with stupid pet
tricks
                                                            
 
EXT. 53RD AND BROADWAY - NIGHT
                                                            
Outside of The Late Show with David Letterman studio.
Orlando and Elle exit out the side door to a flood of fans
and paparazzi. They jump into a waiting limo to take them
to the airport. They are seen holding hands
                                                            
 
INT. LIMO - NIGHT
                                                            
Orlando and Elle jump into the limo from their appearance on
the Late Show with David Letterman. There is a bottle of
champagne waiting for them. Orlando pops open the bottle
and pours a glass for Elle. He holds up a glass and makes a
toast
                                                            

96.

                       ORLANDO
      (to Elle)
I'd like to make a toast to the
greatest girl, and to the greatest
friendship that anyone could ask
for
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Cheers
                                                            
Orlando and Elle tap their champagne glasses and drink down
the glass. Elle's cell phone rings. She answers
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
      (on phone)
Hello..hey, how are you?..great.
I'm not doing anything..France!
Fine..when? How much?..I'll be
there! Good bye..rather bon soir
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
Who was that?
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
My agent!I have a gig as a judge
for a modeling reality show in
France. The pay is amazing!
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
France? Cool
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Come with me! Please!! Please
please please! We can have so much
fun. Shopping, hanging out at the
beach. Will you?
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I can't...I have a ton of
re-write's to do, and it has to be
perfect.
                                                            
                       ELLE MAC PHERSON
Do the rewrite's in France
                                                            
                       ORLANDO
I can't..too many
distractions.(beat)
You look really pretty
                                         &n