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I'm Still Waiting
by Alexander Ramirez (Alram1988@aol.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ****
SHORT FILM. A fed-up restaurant worker embraces violent fantasies in order to get through his endless shifts.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



INT. RICKY'S BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
An irritating alarm clock buzzes like a swarm of electronic
hornets. RICKY (aged 22) stirs from his slumber and swats at
the clock until he smashes the cacophony to an abrupt halt.
                                                            
He lies back on his mussed bedding and stares mournfully at
the ceiling.
                                                            
                       RICKY
I don't wanna go to work.
                                                            
QUICK CUTS of Ricky preparing for work:
                                                            
- He dons a pair of eyeglasses.
                                                            
- He buttons up a white dress shirt.
                                                            
- He rolls a lint remover over his black apron and slacks.
                                                            
- He ties a pair of no-slip restaurant sneakers.
                                                            
- He pushes up the slipknot of a tie tight around his neck.
                                                            
- His hand snatches keys from a coffee table.
                                                            
 
EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY
                                                            
Ricky power-walks down the pathway. A YOUNG WOMAN carrying
laundry approaches from the opposite direction.
                                                            
                       YOUNG WOMAN
Ricky, you already go back in?
This early? Just quit!
                                                            
                       RICKY
I can't.
                                                            
 
INT. RICKY'S SEDAN (MOVING) - DAY
                                                            
Ricky psyches himself up, bobbing his head to the radio and
mouthing along with the lyrics as he drives.
                                                            
 
INT. BAR & GRILL - BAR AREA - DAY
                                                            
Small. Family owned. Tacky. A few patrons litter the area.
Ricky pushes through the front entrance and strikes toward
the back.
                                                            

2.

                       BARTENDER
Hey, Ricky!
                                                            
Ricky stops dead in his tracks and does a slow burn toward
the smug BARTENDER (40).
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
Hey, Lina wants to see you in the
office when you get a second. I
told you.
                                                            
                       RICKY
You told me what?
                                                            
The bartender shrugs.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Really? You told on me?
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
Hey, I'm not gonna argue. Don't
make me argue. She just said to
send you in.
                                                            
                       RICKY
You're not gonna argue because you
don't have an argument. There's
nothing wrong with how I set up.
It's my way. I'm the busser.
                                                            
The bartender shuffles over to Ricky at the end of the bar,
leans in, whispers:
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
Hey! There are customers. I'm not
gonna argue, she just wants to see
you. Be professional.
                                                            
Ricky stands and leers at the bartender as he walks back
down the bar, nose in the air, to serve a new set of
customers who've just hopped on the stools.
                                                            
                       MALE CUSTOMER (O.C.)
Excuse me, boss.
                                                            
Ricky turns to a genial, middle-aged MALE CUSTOMER with a
ridiculous ponytail. The man drops his fat hand on Ricky's
shoulder and smiles.
                                                            
                       MALE CUSTOMER
If I were a bathroom, where would
I be?
                                                            

3.

The male customer guffaws at his own joke. Ricky snaps out
of his moody stare and lets loose the most sarcastic belt of
laughter he can muster.
                                                            
The male customer doesn't catch on that he's being mocked
and continues to howl mirthfully.
                                                            
BEGIN FANTASY
                                                            
Ricky - without his glasses on - whips out a DESERT EAGLE
and literally blows the male customer's brains out of his
skull. Blood and matter splash into Ricky's face.
                                                            
END FANTASY
                                                            
Ricky still has his glasses on in reality. He speaks in a
phony restaurant voice when addressing customers:
                                                            
                       RICKY
Past the bar, take a left.
                                                            
                       MALE CUSTOMER
Oh, there, now I see the sign.
Thank you, boss!
                                                            
                       RICKY
Yes, my pleasure, sir. Right in
front of your face. And that was a
good one! Good joke...
                                                            
The male customer is off to the restroom. Ricky's fake
restaurant personality disappears.
                                                            
 
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
COOKS are busy on the grill. Ricky says hello to them in
SPANISH. The cute hostess, MIA (22), is in the area.
                                                            
                       MIA
'Sup, dude. Ready for another
exciting day?
                                                            
Ricky clocks in at a bank of computers, collecting his time
slip as the machine spits it out. He shakes his head at Mia.
                                                            
                       RICKY
I have to go see Lina in the
office right now.
      (motions toward
       the bar)
I think he bitched me out.
                                                            

4.

                       MIA
Are you serious? For your
settings? What a fag! They always
look nice!
                                                            
Ricky shrugs.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Maybe she'll fire me.
                                                            
                       MIA
Well, that would be looking at the
bright side. But don't leave me
yet. Justin's been getting on my
nerves already. He came up --
                                                            
JUSTIN (29), a waiter, enters the kitchen.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
What's up, Rick?
                                                            
Ricky nods to Justin in acknowledgment. Mia locks eyes with
Ricky and traps an embarrassed laugh in her throat.
                                                            
                       RICKY
All right, Mia. I'm gonna go get
fired now.
                                                            
 
INT. LINA'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Cramped. More like a closet than an office. Lina (55) sits
at the computer desk cradling a well-tended Pomeranian. She
speaks with a heavy Eastern European accent. Her curvy
daughter AMANDA (25) hovers behind her, chewing gum loudly.
                                                            
Ricky stands in the doorway.
                                                            
                       LINA
Ricky, we have to cut hours down a
little bit. Just for now.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Mine?
                                                            
                       LINA
Starting next week, you don't come
in Fridays. Just to see what it's
like. Sorry. Just for a little
while, OK?
                                                            

5.

                       RICKY
Lina, Friday's the busiest day.
That's when I make the most tips.
If I lose Friday, then I'm down to
two days a week. I had five days
back when I first started.
                                                            
                       LINA
We need to do it. I'm sorry, but
it was Ed's decision. I'm just
telling you, so don't argue.
                                                            
BEGIN FANTASY
                                                            
Ricky's glasses are inexplicably gone again. Lina and Amanda
can't hear what he is saying.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Fuck Ed, that coward can't ever
tell us anything to our faces
himself.
                                                            
                       LINA
Ed knows what he's doing.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Ed cheats on you every weekend. He
takes all the barflies out on his
boat and bangs the fat bitches.
                                                            
                       LINA
Amanda's not going to be working
as many hours here either.
                                                            
                       RICKY
I fucked Amanda last year. On a
slow night, we went out into the
dry storage shed, and I found out
your daughter's a squirter.
                                                            
                       LINA
If you don't like it, you know
you're all replacable.
                                                            
                       RICKY
You could never replace me. I
break my fucking back here.
                                                            
                       LINA
So, it's just gonna be until we
figure things out.
                                                            

6.

                       RICKY
I've been working here for three
fucking years...
                                                            
                       LINA
OK?
                                                            
                       RICKY
And I still haven't been promoted
to server.
                                                            
                       LINA
OK.
                                                            
                       RICKY
I'm still waiting to wait tables.
                                                            
Ricky explodes toward Lina, snatches the Pomeranian out of
her arms, and beats the tiny dog to death against the wall.
Blood and fur and tiny rib bones fly.
                                                            
END FANTASY
                                                            
Ricky's glasses are on. He hangs his head.
                                                            
                       RICKY
All right, Lina.
                                                            
 
INT. DISHWASHING AREA - DAY
                                                            
Ricky steps away from the office. Mia approaches him with a
red bucket.
                                                            
                       MIA
Fired?
                                                            
Ricky shakes his head.
                                                            
                       MIA
Good! Could you change the water
and towels, please? I was gonna do
it for you, but I have people
waiting up front.
                                                            
He accepts the bucket.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Of course, Mia.
                                                            
Mia jogs away. Ricky looks back at the closed office door. A
devilish smirk spreads across his face.
                                                            
 

7.

INT. WALK-IN REFRIGERATOR - DAY
                                                            
Ricky steals two long-neck beers off the shelf.
                                                            
 
EXT. SECLUDED STORAGE AREA - DAY
                                                            
Ricky refills the bucket with blue solution from the spigot
as he finishes the first beer.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Oh, yes I am.
                                                            
He cracks open the second beer and kills it in one mighty
swig.
                                                            
 
INT. DINING FLOOR - DAY
                                                            
An elderly FEMALE CUSTOMER waves Ricky over to her booth. As
Ricky approaches, he sees that she is dining with the
ponytailed male customer.
                                                            
                       MALE CUSTOMER
      (shit-eating grin)
Hey there, boss.
                                                            
BEGIN FANTASY
                                                            
Ricky - no glasses - pulls out his desert eagle and blows
the male customer's face off. Wet ponytail hairs and
shredded flesh smack against the wall.
                                                            
END FANTASY
                                                            
Ricky - glasses back on - reapplies his fake restaurant
voice:
                                                            
                       RICKY
Hello, what can I do?
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER
This steak sandwich is too red.
                                                            
                       MALE CUSTOMER
Could you just have them throw
that back on for a second, boss?
                                                            
BEGIN FANTASY
                                                            
Ricky - no glasses - pulls the trigger of his desert eagle.
Liquid ropes of blood launch into the air like money shots.
                                                            

8.

END FANTASY
                                                            
Ricky's glasses are on.
                                                            
                       RICKY
No problem, boss! Sorry about
that. Here, let me take it back
for you, ma'am. It'll just be a
second. How would you like it
cooked, then? Medium?
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER
No, I asked for rare.
                                                            
Ricky considers the redness of the piece of steak.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Well, that's rare there. Medium
rare, then?
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER
No, rare. I just didn't want it
quite that red in the middle.
                                                            
Ricky forces an insincere smile.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Oh, I see. Back in a flash.
                                                            
Ricky strikes away with the steak.
                                                            
                       MALE CUSTOMER
Thanks again, boss!
                                                            
 
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Ricky slides the plate across the cook's station.
                                                            
                       RICKY
She wants it cooked medium now.
                                                            
The steak is slapped back down on the grill.
                                                            
 
INT. DINING FLOOR - DAY
                                                            
Ricky collects dirty cups and utensils from a vacated table
and balances them on his tray.
                                                            
 

9.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
The steak is peeled off the grill.
                                                            
 
INT. DINING FLOOR - DAY
                                                            
Ricky sets the steak before the elderly female customer in
the booth.
                                                            
                       RICKY
How's that?
                                                            
The female customer shoves her finger in the piece of meat.
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER
There's still a lot of blood...
                                                            
                       RICKY
Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, back on the
grill?
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER
No, no, I'll just - no, I need to
eat something before I starve. I
guess I'll just have to make do
with this.
                                                            
                       RICKY
If there's anything else I can do
for --
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER
Actually, I don't think I can sit
here anymore. This air
conditioning vent is blowing right
down on us in this booth.
                                                            
                       MALE CUSTOMER
We could move somewhere else.
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER
Yes, it's freezing. My sweater
isn't helping at all.
                                                            
BEGIN FANTASY
                                                            
Ricky's glasses DO NOT disappear.
                                                            
                       RICKY
You're not freezing you old,
dried-up whore. That's just the
cold embrace of death coming for
you because you've outlived your
            (MORE)

10.

                       RICKY (cont'd)
welcome on earth.
                                                            
Ricky grabs the steak and slams it in the female customer's
face. He reaches for his imaginary desert eagle and points
his fingers at the male customer in the shape of a gun.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Bang!
                                                            
END FANTASY
                                                            
The steak slides down the female customer's face. The male
customer stares bug-eyed at Ricky's posed fingers. Justin,
Lina, and every other customer peppering the dining room
freeze in astonishment.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Oh, shit.
                                                            
                       MALE CUSTOMER
What the hell is going on here?!
Are you out of your mind?!
                                                            
The female customer begins to weep; Lina rushes over to
console her. The male customer hops out of his seat.
                                                            
                       RICKY
I'm sorry. I...
                                                            
                       MALE CUSTOMER
      (to Ricky)
What's your name, young man!
What's your name!
      (to Lina)
I want his job for this!
                                                            
At those words, Ricky suddenly perks up. He actually manages
a sincere smile.
                                                            
                       LINA
      (to male customer)
Of course!
      (to Ricky)
Get out of here. What's wrong with
you? You're a disgusting person!
                                                            
Ricky is visibly offended by Lina's declaration. He stands
his ground.
                                                            
                       RICKY
Disgusting? You don't know me.
                                                            

11.

                       MALE CUSTOMER
Just get out of here before I do
something about it.
                                                            
                       RICKY
What are you gonna do? Hit me with
your ponytail? I'd think you were
a cock-sucker if it wasn't so
obvious that you're here on a date
with your grandmother. I don't
care how many Steven Seagal movies
you've seen: You can't whoop my
ass.
                                                            
The male customer stumbles over a retort.
                                                            
                       RICKY (cont'd)
      (to the female
       customer)
Yeah, you, old bitch. I'm sorry I
threw steak in your face on
accident. You're still an old
bitch.
                                                            
All eyes are on Ricky. He turns to Lina.
                                                            
                       RICKY (cont'd)
Lina, maybe your restaurant would
run smoother if you respected your
employees. Stop illegally fixing
our overtime hours in the
computer. You're rich, bitch.
Paying us a little time-and-a-half
isn't going to make it so that you
can't afford to get your dog's
asshole bleached anymore, so
relax. Also, if your husband
wasn't fucking all the old
alcoholic skanks in the bar and
your daughter wasn't fucking all
the men you hire, that would help,
too.
                                                            
Ricky throws a "thumbs-up" and a wink at Justin. Justin
smirks proudly, then catches himself and shakes his head.
                                                            
                       RICKY
You other customers in here, most
of you are regulars and pretty
cool. Justin, dude, you need to
get off Mia's nuts, and let me get
at her... I'm not waiting for shit
ever again.
                                                            

12.

Ricky turns away, slides his glasses off, and glides coolly
down the hallway toward the bar area.
                                                            
Cooks emerge from the kitchen to give Ricky high-fives as he
passes. Amanda emerges from the dishwashing area and Ricky
smacks her on the ass as he struts by.
                                                            
 
INT. BAR AREA - DAY
                                                            
The bartender leers at Ricky as he enters, shaking his head
in disapproval. Ricky stalks up to the bartender and
launches a compact right cross, instantaneously rendering
him unconscious.
                                                            
Ricky redirects his momentum from the punch and gracefully
spins toward Mia, who's stationed at the hostess stand. He
wraps her in a picturesque embrace and kisses her
passionately.
                                                            
He continues out the front entrance, pulling loose the tie -
the noose - around his neck. He blasts through the double
doors of the restaurant, letting a deluge of sunlight rush
in behind him.
                                                            
 
INT. RICKY'S BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
The irritating alarm clock EXPLODES again and again as Ricky
hammers away at it with a Louisville Slugger.
                                                            


THE END


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From Sean Date 7/28/2010 ****
Great script. You really know how to drag in a reader. You made me laugh a bunch of times throughout, and that's a good thing, cause you really have to tell a good joke or doing something really funny to make me laugh. Keep up the good work!

From Miguel Perez Date 7/18/2010 ****
Yo this is awesome I want more dude. This was funny as hell.

From Roman Monroe Date 7/9/2010 ****
Great little script! You can definitely produce this one on your own in virtually any restaurant. Well done, I enjoy a wicked sense of humor.


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