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Orlando & Elle
by orlando balla (orlandoballa@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:

What happens when a famous supermodel takes an interest in your average, ordinary guy and that average guy has something that the supermodel wants--badly.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


The City, Van Nuys, revealed. The sun, located at the 6
o'clock position, shines bright--through the altitudinous
palm trees, and right into the eyes of a YOUNG MAN.
The young man is ORLANDO, and he covers the two-lane,
concrete trail, on his vintage 80's Hutch Pro Star 20" BMX.
The trail is littered with dead palm leaves. Limbs from
heavy pine trees extend out and onto the bike trail, as dust
plumes of dirt are seen in the air from the pitter-patter of
joggers from the adjacent dirt jogging trail. A jogging
trail that is separated by a chain link fence.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
This is sunny California, my home.
I wouldn't trade living here for
anything. I wasn't born here,
though. I'm what the locals call a
Without hesitation, Orlando swerves to avoid hitting a
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
I'm originally from Rhode Island,
and the worst part about being
from Rhode Island is trying to
explain where the hell Rhode
Island is. Californians are not
very bright, man.
Orlando stands up, pedals three times and sits down on the
hard plastic seat.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Many come here for fame and
fortune. I came here to run
away--run away from the only thing
I ever wanted in my life.
Orlando meanders left -- then right -- then straight.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Funny how this thing called life
works. We often find ourselves
craving the things that we no
longer have.


Up ahead, in the distance, there is a BEARDED MAN holding a
sign that reads "I want to be in this movie". He goes
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
I love it when people think it's
so hard to make it in Hollywood.
They have the preconceived notion
that it takes years and years to
make it big. Many of them choose
to give up on their dreams, and go
back to their tiny little Podunk
towns they came from. They
probably end up crying, and blame
all their woes on someone else.
Look at me. I'm a very successful
movie writer. I have 6 films to
my credit, and I've only been here
for 2 years. People think it's
hard to make it. That's because
they don't know the steps. Step
one: One must pray.
Orlando is in his bed, in a disheveled apartment. He ogles
with glee at the ceiling.
God, I am at your mercy. I don't
talk to you much, but I need a
favor. Will you, please, make me
rich and famous? I'll do anything
you ask me to do. If you grant me
this one teeny-weeny wish I will
make a promise to go to church
every Sunday. I'll read the
Bible!. I'll even stop swearing,
and I'll give up lying to women to
get what I want. Please God, if
you're listening and I know you
are, give me a sign.
Orlando angles up, pedals eight times and covers the saddle.
Orlando clutch's a red 'kerchief that loosely dangles from
the side cargo pocket of his work trousers, and wipes the
sweat from his brow.


Orlando comes up on an attractive female (Hollywood type),
TITI, who sashays towards him. He casually stuffs his
'kerchief back in his cargo pocket.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Look, that's Titi. She prayed to
God for some really big boobs.
What she ended up with was some
big time actor husband, and a
fancy mansion in Malibu. I think
his name is Mel, or something.
They're divorced now, but she's
      (To Titi)
Hey baby. How's the little
babushka doing?
Orlando clamps down on right-side brake lever.
Babushka is very hungry.
You should find someone to feed
that little bitch!
Orlando stands up, pedals four times, crouches and pulls up
hard on handlebar--sits back down.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Babushka is Titi's dog. I love
dog's.Now the effects of prayer aren't
always that immediate. Things
didn't go so good the day after I
prayed to the Lord Almighty.
Orlando is bungling with a piece of machinery. His BOSS
peer's from a corner.
The boss takes in a deep breath, and barrels towards
Orlando. The boss displays a beet red look on his face.
Hey! Clear out your locker! You're
What?. You can't fire me!


I want you -- to get your stuff --
and get out of here. You're
Oh yeah, well--fuck you, and fuck
your job, asshole. Matter of
fact, you can suck my dick--bitch!
Orlando makes a right turn onto
A traffic light turns from yellow to red. A crosswalk sign
is blinking a hand -- in red -- "5...4...3...2...1".
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Yeah, my boss was pretty pissed
off that day. But who can blame
Orlando is at his work station when a Very ATTRACTIVE GIRL
walks by--smiling. Orlando smiles and follows her. Moments
later, Orlando exits a closet with a very attractive girl;
buttoning his pants.
Very attractive girl walks up to Orlando's boss
                       VERY ATTRACTIVE GIRL
Hi daddy.
Orlando displays an Eddie Murphy Buckwheat face.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
I didn't know she was the boss'
daughter! It was worth it,though.
Orlando is cut off by a car turning into a parking lot; he
crouches, pulls up hard on the handlebar, and bunny hops on
the hood of the car--denting it. The bike gracefully falls
five feet back down to the ground.
An ANGRY MAN can be heard in the background.


                       ANGRY MAN (O.S.)
You son of a bitch! Look at what
you did to my hood!
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
The next step to becoming rich and
famous is the look.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
The look can be anything from a
distinctive hair style, or
something as subtle as the shirt
you choose to wear. The important
thing is to be bold. Wait. Scratch
that. The key is to be unique.
You have to separate yourself from
every other blowjob that thinks
they're too cool for school. It
helps if you sort of look like a
celebrity too. I don't look like
a celebrity. For me, it's my
bike. I love my bike! It's a
vintage 1982, pre-serial number,
Hutch Pro Star BMX with twenty
inch wheels. Chicks totally dig
this thing. At least mine does.
A GUY is riding his 2003 Madone 5.9 race bike, dressed from
head to toe like Lance Armstrong--meandering between THREE
PEDESTRIANS walking the trail.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Look at that guy. What an
ass-hat, and a perfect example of
what not to look like. The bike
he's riding. It's a Madone. That
is the bike that Lance Armstrong
rode in the Tour de France, and he
is wearing the whole ensemble.
Geeze, Louise. He is so not Lance
Armstrong, and that is soooo not
unique--but It's typical.
A YOUNGER WOMAN is walking with an OLDER MAN. They are
holding hands, as if they are absurdly in love.
                       ORLANDO (V.O)
And look at them. Such a cute
couple, she's in her twenties and
he is like fifty-ish. But, you
wouldn't know it with all the
plastic surgery they underwent.


                       ORLANDO (cont'd)
I'm sure she must have done a
whole lot of praying, "Oh God,
please bring me my knight in
shining armor. Preferably forty
years older than me, and the owner
of a basketball, baseball or
football team." It's all good. I'm
sure they're both happy. It's a
relationship born out of
convenience. You have what I
want, and I have what you need.
It's totally indicative of the
many relationships that exist
today. Which leads me to the
third step of becoming rich and
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Merriam-Webster defines networking
as the exchange of information or
services among individuals,
groups, or institutions;
specifically for the cultivation
of productive relationships for
employment or business. And,
Balboa Park is the perfect place
for that. On any given day, the
chances of someone running into a
celebrity is very good.
MILA KUNIS is riding her beach surfer bike; looking cute
with her Jackie O. sunglasses, as she commands toward
                       ORLANDO (V.O)
Oh baby! That's the chick from the
now defunct hit Fox series "That
70's Show", and the voice of Meg
in the Fox animated series "Family
Guy". She also graces the pages
of Maxim, Marie Claire and appears
in a ton of movies. She's really
hot, too. Let me say hi
      (To Mila)
Shut up Meg!
                       MILA KUNIS
Fuck you weirdo!


                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Did I say she was hot? I think
she's single too. Earlier on, I
made the mistake of networking in
Venice Beach. That's not such a
good place for such an act. Part
of the problem is that it is too
crowded, and there are way too
many homeless people...who like to
pee...on the doorsteps of million
dollar homes
Back side of thousands of tourists fill the boardwalk.
Orlando is having trouble navigating through the people.
Orlando stops in front of a million dollar condo, looks both
ways and urinates in the bushes. A COP looks at Orlando
Orlando appears in front of a JUDGE; in a packed courthouse.
I sentence you to one hundred
hours of community service, and
one thousand dollars in fines.
The Judge slams a gavel.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
In addition to seeing a countless
number of celebrities the film
industry uses this park to film
movies. This is a great
opportunity for an up-and-comer to
network. I never go anywhere
without my bag. I have a script
for every genre. I have a
romantic comedy. I have a
thriller. I also have a horror
flick, suspense flick, action
flick and one of those totally
moronic movies that so many
producers love to freaking make.
But, there was this one time
things didn't go so good.


Orlando is slowly riding his vintage Hutch bmx, when he
spots an overturned late-model Honda Accord, resting on it's
He quickly speeds up to the car, stops and spots two people
inside, bleeding profusely.
Are you guys alright?
Orlando takes off his shirt (exposing his 6 pack abs), and
puts it on the DRIVER's head, and applies pressure.
What the fuck are you doing? I
don't remember this being in the
Orlando hears a VOICE shouting.
                       VOICE (O.S.)
      (Yelling at
Just what the fuck are you doing?
Who let this guy in the shot?
Orlando hawks over at the direction of the voice. He
notices cameras, film trucks, film crew of 40 people--Semi
My bad. (beat) Hey, you guys need
an extra? I'm registered with
Central Casting.
Orlando makes a turn, and rides into a parking lot. There
are FIFTY CARS. Orlando rides near a BMW 750, MERCEDES CLS
550, and a RED FERRARI
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
There is something that can be
learned from a person--just by the
car they drive. The general rule
of thumb is to spend a years
salary on a car. Take for
instance, the person that drives
this BMW 750. He's probably
pulling at least a hundred
thousand a year. The car is grey,


                       ORLANDO (cont'd)
so he more than likely voted for
Reagan, Bush and the other Bush.
Now, the black Mercedes CL 550 is
nice. He's probably pulling over
a hundred g's, as well. By the
way, I know it's a dude riding
these cars, because everyone knows
that women like to drive colorful
cars. Cars that say, "Hey, look
at me!"
Orlando opens his eyes at amazement, as he hovers over the
red Ferrari.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Oh Lord almighty! The guy driving
this shiny red Ferrari 430, loaded
with the V.I.P. package must be
the luckiest guy on earth. He has
got to be pulling at least two and
a half million a year. The car
costs two hundred and fifty grand,
but I personally know the guy who
owns this car. And, the dude isn't
a lucky guy for driving a Ferrari.
He's lucky for what's inside the
ELLE, world famous supermodel with long coarse blond hair,
piercing blue eyes, sculptured cheek bones, wearing a smile
that can make a grown man swoon -- is sitting in the
Ferrari--smiling and waving at Orlando.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
That is the sexy, funny, talented
and smart supermodel -- Elle. Look
at those dimples. Aren't they so
cute? Back off bitches -- she's
Orlando stops his bike in front of the Ferrari. Elle steps
Hi honey!
Elle grabs Orlando and passionately kisses him.
A black stretch limousine pulls up. The DRIVER takes
Orlando's Hutch bmx and puts it in the back seat of the


                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Isn't she the hottest girl in the
world? Yeah, I'm living the good
life. But, before this life I was
just your average, ordinary kind
of guy.
      (hugging Elle)
Wanna get something to eat? I'm
Elle gives Orlando a frisky stare.
Or..we can stay in.
                       ORLANDO (V.O.)
Sure, I know what you're thinking.
Just how in the hell can an
average, ordinary looking guy get
the hottest supermodel on the
planet? I often wonder the answer
to that question myself. The
answer to that question can be
found in step four.
A billboard reads "I want to be in this movie: Ba-Ba-Booey".
A black 1969 Camaro, with wide rear wheels and two white
parallel racing stripes sits in the cobblestone driveway.
The driveway adjacent to the meticulously manicured lawn of
the Neoeclectic home.
A 6,600 square foot bachelor's dream pad. The lower level
has a wide array of pinball machines, arcade games, and a
mahogany 9 foot slate pool table sits centered in the room.
A spiral staircase leads to the
DAN, wearing his Sunday's best, engages his cousin, STEVE,
in a friendly game of three card monte -- on an ornately
adorned table.


Dan displays three cards: Ace of hearts, King of clubs, and
another King of clubs.
The object of the game is to keep
your eye on the Ace of hearts, got
it? Alright here we go.
Dan exposes the Ace of hearts, as well as the other two.
Steve is transfixed.
Dan commits a series of shuffles in quick succession.
Where is it?
      (Pointing to
       middle card)
Dan flips over the middle card. It's the Ace of hearts.
So, I see you've played this
before. Double or nothing?
Steve displays a look of confidence.
Dan commits a series of shuffles in quick succession.
Alright tough guy.
Steve points to the card on the right.
Dan flips the card over revealing a King of clubs.
Oh! Better luck next time. (beat)
Pay up.
Steve reaches in his pocket and pulls out a crisp ONE
Thank you kindly, young chap.
Dan stands up, exposing his deliberately tattered jeans, and
makes his way to the CLOSET -- revealing his Chuck Taylor
Coverse Hi-tops.


Steve sparks a cigarette, and takes a seat on the white
leather sofa. He turns on the television -- quickly channel
What mood am I in?
Go with "Mr. Happy".
Dan grabs hold of the double hung, sliding doors of the
closet -- opening it. Inside there is an array of six
      (turning to Steve)
Hey, where's Doc?
My bad!
Steve reaches behind the sofa and pulls out a behemoth of a
water pipe labeled "DOC".
Dan angrily takes back the pipe, and stows it in its slot --
in the closet.
Dude, Orlando called. He went on
endlessly rambling about getting
fired, and some dude named Barry.
Barry is not a who. It is a what.
Orlando, Dan and Steve are at the cash register paying the
cover charge. The line behind them is rather long. THREE
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN walk by the register, smiling.
Techno music is blaring throughout the well-packed
nightclub. People socializing and dancing. A WEIRD GIRL
wears a shirt that reads, "I want to be in this movie".
Holy shit!! Did you see those


Settle down, Beavis. The night is
still young. First round of
drinks are on me.
Dan walks over to the BAR, and gets the BARTENDERS attention
Three beer's
The bartender acknowledges Dan with a nod.
      (to Orlando)
Alright, if you had your choice of
any girl in here to talk to, who
would it be?
Orlando scans the club from left to right. He stops three
fourths of the way.
You don't have the balls.
      (to Steve)
Just watch him.
Gentleman...let me show you how
it's done
      (whispers to Dan)
I get half the earnings, capeche?
Dan gives Orlando an under the hand high five.
      (to Steve)
Get ready to laugh
Orlando makes his way over to a group of FOUR GIRLS -- one
of which is SHEILA. The four girls are in a conversation,
and Orlando decides to cut in on it.
What problem is that?


Ladies, I couldn't help notice how
bored you looked, so I'm here to
cheer you up.
The Second, third and fourth girl leave, but Sheila stays
with Orlando
Steve watches with curious intent.
      (kissing Sheila's
I guess that leaves just the two
of us.
      (to Dan)
Dude, he is kissing her hand!
Dan has FIVE ATTRACTIVE WOMEN spellbound over his three card
monte trick.
Wait..it gets better
      (to Dan)
He better not screw it up
Bet you ten bucks he does
You're on!
Steve and Dan shake on the bet.

Dan signals to the bartender, while taking the girls money
in the three card monte bit.
Give me a shot of Cognac
Bartender acknowledges order with a nod.
Meanwhile, Orlando and Sheila are still talking.
So, do you come here often?
Actually, this is my first time.


You sure? I think I've seen you
here before.
Nah, but if you want to get
together some time; maybe you
should give me your number.
Have a pen?
Orlando pauses for 3 seconds..then rapidly pulls out a pen
from his back pocket and hands it to the girl.
Sheila grasps Orlando's hand and proceeds to write her phone
number on his palm. Orlando looks down at her feet--smiling,
from ear to ear.
Can I ask you a question?
Sure, sexy
Can I smell your feet?
Sheila looks at Orlando in shock. She stops writing, then
slaps Orlando in the face.
You're a fucking whack-job!
Sheila runs off. Orlando looks at his hand. It reads
Dan turns to Steve; with a smile, and his palms out.
Pay up bitch.
      (to self)
So close, and yet so far. But I'm
getting better
He's an idiot!
Orlando walks over to Dan and Steve.


      (to Orlando)
What the hell did you say to her?
I just asked her if I could...
...smell her feet, right?
Dan bursts out laughing.
Idiot! You're a fucking idiot! I
never saw anyone screw up such a
good thing. I mean, man, she was
totally hot--and into you!
Dan grabs a shot from the bartender, pays him and hands the
shot to Orlando.
Hey, I got your favorite drink.
Orlando smells the drink.
What is it?
Just drink it
This better not be Cognac.
Orlando swills down the shot, and displays a disgusted look
on his face
Dan and Steve -- laugh hysterically.
What are you guys laughing for?
It's not funny!
Oh, and smelling some hot chicks
feet isn't hysterical either,


Admit it. You love it?
Orlando's eyes appear bloodshot. He becomes slow to act.
It's actually not that bad.
Hey, I got you a gig. Eight
O'clock tomorrow morning at my
mother's real estate office.
The one off of Hopkins Hill Road?
Yeah, that's the one. And,
whatever you do, don't screw this
Dan directs Orlando and Steve's attention at the five
attractive women.
Come on, let me introduce you to
some ladies.
      (whispering in
       Orlando's ear)
Take your pick bro; they are
really easy.
The five attractive women catch Orlando's eye.
Orlando focuses his attention on the round outline shape of
an object in one of the girls front pocket.
Hey! Is that a condom in your
Dan and Steve slap their forehead with their palms.
The girls gravitate towards Orlando -- and the guys -- with
smiles on their faces.
Orlando is sprawled out on his bed, covered in
blankets--with his eyes closed. The sun enters the room;
which awakens him. He looks at the digital clock that
displays "7:38 a.m.", and springs out of bed.


Shit! First day of work, and I'm
going to be late! Dan's mom is so
going to kill me!
Orlando frantically runs around the room to find some
Great! I have no clue what I need
to wear.
Heads to the closet, grips the handle and slides it open.
Orlando proceeds to rapidly pull out a pink collared dress
shirt, red neck tie, black pin stripe slacks, and black
pointed-toe leather boots, throwing them on the bed. He
then proceeds to the
Orlando smells his armpits, and sprays several shots of
cologne--all over his body, and heads to the
A fully dressed Orlando is adjusting his neck-tie in the
mirror, and glances at clock that now reads "7:44 a.m."
Not bad. Sixteen minutes.
Clock now reads "7:45 a.m."
15 minutes.
Orlando, running, with keys in hand stops in front of a 1983
Mazda RX-7. He opens the door, jumps in.
Orlando is in the drivers seat. He steps on the gas pedal
three times, turns the key and pulls the choke. The car
fires up. He puts it in reverse, backs up, then puts the
car in first gear.


Reaches the end of the parking lot.

Looks both ways; makes a right hand turn.
A mile down the road, Orlando makes a left turn.

Orlando sees a sign that reads "95 South 2 miles ahead on

Looks at dashboard clock, "7:48 a.m."

He is stuck behind a slow driver, and grows impatient.
Come on...come on...
Looks in his side mirror, rear view, no cars.

Passes car on left, overtakes car, and gets back into lane.

Stops at a traffic light that is red.
Looks both ways, makes a right turn, then a U-turn, and a
right turn on the road he was on.
Makes a left turn onto Interstate 95 South
Clears the transition ramp, signals left, gets in the
far-left lane.

The analog Speedometer reads "100" mph.

Clock reads "7:53 a.m"
Sign up ahead that reads "Hopkins Hill Rd exit 6B 3/4 mile"
Orlando signals right, crosses two lanes of traffic cutting
off a car.

He takes the exit.

Looks in the rear view mirror.

Focuses his attention up front.

The car in front of him abruptly stops.

Orlando stomps on the brakes, grips the steering wheel with
locked elbows, and closes his eyes.


Stops within inches of the car in front of him.
A loud screeching sound grabs Orlando's attention. He looks
in the rear view mirror.
Oh Shit!
Orlando braces himself, closes his eyes.

A loud thud

Orlando's neck jolts back and forth.
Mother fucker!
Dashboard clock reads "7:59 a.m."

Orlando looks 100 feet away at a sign, located in an office
building that reads "Anderson Realty"
      (gripping neck)
Well, I almost made it.
Grips door handle, thrusts door open and steps out.
Orlando steps out of a wrecked 1983 Mazda RX-7, and
immediately heads towards the Silver late model MERCEDES
BENZ that crashed into him.
      (Knocking on
Hello! Look at what the hell you
did! Thanks to your stupid sorry
ass I'm going to miss work, and I
won't be able to pay my rent!
A very tall, and very attractive blond woman steps out of
the Mercedes. It's Elle.
Oh my God! You're so damn hot!


I am so sorry! Are you hurt? I
have the police on the way.
My neck hurts a little bit.
I can rub it for you; if it will
make you feel better?
Yes! Yes! Yes! That will make me
feel so much better! I can't
believe it. I'm 2 feet
from a supermodel!
Orlando quickly whisks Elle's hands, turns around and places
them on his shoulders.
What the hell are you doing in
Rhode Island, anyway?
      (rubbing Orlando's
I have a summer home in Bristol.
I had a job in Bristol, once.
Orlando displays a look of sheer and utter joy. It is
almost orgasmic in nature.
Oh, that feels so good. A little
lower. Did anybody ever tell you
that you have magic hands?
A POLICEMAN and TWO PARAMEDICS arrive at the scene.
No, I can't say that anyone has.
                       PARAMEDIC #1
Is anyone hurt?
      (turning to Elle)
You're that supermodel! Elle,


Yep. That's me. Elle.
                       PARAMEDIC #2
Elle! I'm one of your biggest
fans! You mind if I get a picture
of the two of us?
Uh, hello...hurt guy over here. I
think my neck is twisted.
Paramedic #2 reaches in his pocket, and he pulls out his
iPhone. Along with paramedic #1 they pose for a picture with
                       PARAMEDIC #1
      (to Orlando)
Dude, you mind taking a picture of
The paramedic (#2) hands Orlando his iPhone.
Sure -- why would I mind? I'm not
hurt or anything!! (beat) Say
The paramedics break out an ear to ear smile, grabbing each
of Elles arms. Elle has a statuesque pose, and displays a
come-hither-me stare.
You're that supermodel. How are
By now, a crowd is gathering. A MACHO MAN is across the
                       MACHO MAN
Hey, yo, Elle. I luvs ya, baby.
I'm flattered gentleman, but can
someone see to it that my friend
here has his needs attended to?
The patrolman opens his clipboard, and pulls out his gold
Cross Pen from his shirt pocket.


      (to Elle)
You mind if I get your autograph?
Ok, I'm walking myself to the
By now, the crowd -- from across the street -- has now
blanketed Elle. They all have there own favors. Orlando is
seen walking off, and down the street.
A NURSE walks into the room, with the single occupant --
Orlando. Her beauty provokes a smile out of him -- as he
lay on the bed.
How are you feeling, Mr.
I'm feeling pretty good actually.
Thanks for asking.
      (reading name tag)
Nurse Peters. Do you have a first
Nancy. I'm going to take your
blood pressure now, alright?
Nancy rolls up Orlando's sleeve, and she applies a cuff to
his arm. She then takes her stethoscope from around her
neck -- puts one end to her ear, and the other one to his
Baby, you can do whatever you
want. (beat) Do you like to go
out? I often go to Barry's on
Friday nights. You should try to
go there sometime.
I'm married with kids. Three to
be exact.
Orlando puts on a fake smile to mask his disappointment.


That's cool. You should still try
to go...with your husband.
Nancy undoes the cuff, and removes the stethoscope.
The Doctor will be in shortly.
Nancy smiles and quickly leaves the room.
Orlando gazes at the ceiling, then something on his left
side catches his attention. It is a MEAN-FACED GIRL on a
bed, in the next room.
What are you in for?
The mean-faced Teen Girl grabs the curtain and slings it
I don't like girls with braces,
Orlando digs in his pocket, and retrieves his cellphone. He
opens it and presses numbers on the keypad.
Dan is enjoying himself on a rubber flotation device in the
pool , when his cellphone rings. He looks at the number on
the screen, and rolls his eyes.
He hesitantly picks it up.
Dude, what's happening?
You forgetting something?


Yeah, about that. I was in a car
accident today, and I'm in the
hospital. And, you'll never
believe who rear-ended me.
Dude, my mother's pissed. She's
Yeah, yeah, yeah, think hot
What the fuck are you talking
Forget it, dude. You think you
can pick me up at the hospital?
Sorry man. I'm busy.
Don't give me that busy shit.
You're ass is in the pool. I know
I'm doing a birthday party at
Whatever man.
See, that's the problem with
America. Everybody wants
A CANOPY reads "Emergency Room", while the walls post "No
parking any time" and "Cars will be towed" signs.
A black, RANGE ROVER, with smoked-black windows parks in
front of the spots marked with the no parking signs.


Elle is applying lipstick -- looking in the rear view
mirror. She glances at the BLACK BAG on the passenger seat
that is slightly opened. Curiosity killed the cat.
What do we have here, Mr. Orlando.
She fully unzips the bag -- revealing -- six movie scripts.
The one that grabs her attention is "He & She written by
Orlando Remington"
What do we have here? A screen
She flips to the first page, and is immediately engaged. She
can't take her eyes off it. Several minutes later, it
appears that she is half way through the thick bound
Tears stream down her eyes, as she makes it to page 90.
You're so good, Mr. Remington.
A uniformed SECURITY GUARD approaches the vehicle --
knocking on the drivers side window.
Elle is glued to the pages of the script to realize the
guard knocking on the window, but on the fifth attempt she
rolls down the window.
                       SECURITY GUARD
Ma'am, you're parked in a no
parking zone. You're going to
have to move your car.
Just five more minutes, please.
                       SECURITY GUARD
Ma'am, this spot is reserved for
emergency vehicles only, and
you've already been parked here
for over an hour.
I'm picking up my friend.


                       SECURITY GUARD
Wait a second -- you're that girl.
You're that Playboy chick, aren't
Playboy? Good God no!
                       SECURITY GUARD
I like you. You can park here as
long as you want.
Thank you doll.
                       SECURITY GUARD
Hey, you think you...
Elle rolls up the window.
The character's, the depth, the
exposition; this story is just
perfect! I have to have it.
She reaches for her smartphone, and begins to dial.
      (on phone)
Garret, my dear, I have an amazing
project for us.
She starts the truck up, puts it in gear and speeds off.
A Pearlescent Metallic Yellow LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO whips
into the no parking zone, and it comes to a complete stop.
The drivers door slides up, revealing long legs and high
Elle slinks out of the car, wearing a leather black
mini-skirt, sheer black blouse with a black bra --
underneath and 6 inch stiletto heels.
She completes the look by donning her Nina Ricci sunglasses,
and lightly taps the door shut.
She approaches the dual glass sliding doors occupied, at
this time, by a bevy of fans holding out memorabilia. She
takes the time to sign each one as she enters the premises.


DOCTOR enters to see Orlando.
Good morning, Mr. Remington. How
are you feeling?
My neck is a bit stiff, but I feel
Your vitals check out. I went
over your x-rays, and they are
fine, as well. I'm going to write
you a prescription for something
that will offset your pain. You
should be feeling some minor
discomfort. That is common in
accidents of your type. If you
feel worse; feel free to call me.
I feel fine, doc.
Alright then. If you don't have
any questions; you're free to go.
Thanks doc.
Doctor exits to the
There is a long-legged woman -- Elle -- garnering attention
from the NURSES, ORDERLY's -- even causing the Doctor to do
a double-take -- as she sashays down the long hallway.
She stops at a nurses station, and approaches a PLUMP NURSE
who is reading a copy of "ELLE" with Elle on the cover.
Excuse me, I'm looking for Orlando
                       PLUMP NURSE
Oh-my-God! I'm such a huge fan.
You think...


Sure, give me the magazine.
The plump nurse, enthusiastically, hands Elle the magazine.
                       PLUMP NURSE
Can you make it out to Janice?
      (signing magazine)
Absolutely. Orlando?
                       PLUMP NURSE
Oh yeah. He's right behind you.
Orlando is sitting on the exam table, with his head down --
then -- Elle slinks in.
Hello darling. You ready to go
Orlando snaps at attention!
Elle! Oh my God. How did you know
I was here?
I smashed into you, silly.
I'm surprised you didn't show up
with your fan club.
They're in the hallway -- and --
outside. Come on, let's go.
Where are we going?
It's a surprise!
Elle clutches Orlando's hand, and she pulls him out of the
room into the


Oh! I hope you don't mind, but I
took the liberty of taking a few
things out of your car before they
towed it.
A CROWD of curious people line the halls -- equipped with
cell phone cameras.
The couple disappear around the corner, and into the
Elle carefully grips Orlando's hands -- just before the door
You ready?
For what?
Door opens, and they step onto the
FANS chanting "We love you Elle", as security tries their
best to put them at bay. All of this and Elle is in careful
command of the situation.
She smiles when possible, cautious when necessary and leads
Orlando to
There is a SEA OF PEOPLE -- mostly men -- gathered around
the Lamborghini.
Elle exits a sliding door, with Orlando in hand. Security
guards escort the two to the Lambo. Orlando stops in front
of the Lamborghini in awe. He is in love.
Holy shit! A Lambo!
Elle opens the door for Orlando. He climbs in, and she
closes the door. She rounds the car to the drivers side.
She opens the door, waves to the fans just before closing
the door.
The car speeds off -- carefully, as to not hit anyone.


Orlando sits atop a black bag on the passenger seat, and is
trying the best he could to deal with the events that just
The sea of fans line the car.
Do you get this everywhere you go?
Elle clears the hospital driveway, enters the road, shifts
into second -- then third.
Pretty much.
Orlando looks around the magnificent cabin of the
Lamborghini. He then diverts his attention to the stunning
Damn this is nice, but it's not
something I envision a supermodel
driving. Like, how in the hell
can you drive this thing with
those long heels of yours?
You like?
      (looking at Elle's
Oh, I like them.
It. I like it.
      (imitating Lloyd
I like it a lot.
Elle stops at a traffic light.
Don't kill me, but I read your
Elle points to the black bag. Orlando pulls the black bag
from his derrière.


This crap? Oh good lord.
The light turns green. Elle floors it -- shifting 1st --
2nd -- 3rd gear.
It is not crap. I am particularly
fond of "He and She".
Was it too confusing?
It's a story about Jimi's love for
Kelley, and Kelly's love for Jimi.
But, neither of them have the
strength to tell each other how
they feel so they spend twenty
years thinking about what could
have been, rather than what is
right now.
Alright, so it's not confusing.
I find it amazing how you were
able to tell two different stories
so succinctly. You should have
seen me. I was crying like a big
Orlando rummages through the bag.
Really? I wrote that -- something
like -- ten years ago. At last
count I had something like fifteen
rejection letters. I finally gave
      (turning to Elle)
Do you have any idea how hard it
is to make it in Hollywood?
Elle turns to Orlando and makes a swirling motion around her


My bad! I forgot that you're the
ultra-hot, super-swank, sexy
supermodel and I'm just the
average schmuck.
Elle approaches an intersection. She looks both ways and
proceeds straight.
I'll have you know that, from what
I read, you are very talented.
I've read many scripts, and
nothing affected me more than
How about Quantum Solstice?
Elle makes a right turn onto the I-195 East on-ramp.
I didn't read that one.
Let me see if I can remember...it
was so long ago. Oh, here we go,
"A death-row inmate is used by the
Federal Government as a guinea pig
in a time travel experiment." What
do you think?
I don't like it.
Yeah, me neither. I always make
it a point to carry a minimum of
six scripts. I have one for every
genre. There is the sci-fi.
There's the horror...
I loathe horror movies!
Me too..then there is the movie
that is written really cheesy for
the stupid movie executive.
That's funny. What's the name of
that one?


Uh...That's not important. The
important thing is that you like
it...he and she. All my friends
like that one, too.
The conflict, exposition, plot and
content was just -- just --
You want to see the rejection
letter I got on that?
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Orlando, once again, digs into his black bag. A few seconds
later he pulls out a letter.
      (reading from
"Though your screenplay was well
written and carefully thought out,
the agency does not have the level
of enthusiasm needed to be its
Those bastards!
Wait there's more
      (reading letter)
"At times, the dialog felt
contrived and was lacking depth."
--Here is the best part -- "The
tone of the overall story was too
childish. while the content was
very mature."--Ah, hello agent
lady..but the characters are
introduced at twelve years old!
Their loss!
Elle peers over at Orlando, and when he peers back she
quickly places her eyes on the road.


Have you ever come into contact
with an object, a thing, a woman
-- or -- man...
Sure darling, a woman...and become
completely enamored with it; Only
to realize that he/she is far from
Let me think about this for a
Nope, I have no idea what you're
talking about.
Orlando can't help but stare at her. He takes her face,
hair, outfit and displays his lack of confidence by putting
his head down when she looks back.
What was your inspiration, rather
who was your inspiration for Jimi?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Can we not talk about my script? I
want to talk about you. Ever date
a celebrity?
Of course.
How many cars do you have?
Many. My turn. Have you ever had
your heart broken?
All the time. The secret is to
keep moving. Have you?


The tabloids say that you're
dating Robert Downey Jr., any
truth to that?
That is just preposterous!
Besides, he's married.
What is the minimum amount of
money that a guy needs to have in
the bank for you to consider
That depends on how much money you
have in the bank?
What in the devil is rawrrr?
It's dinosaur speak for I love
Oh my goodness! That is
hysterical. How did you come up
with that?
It's all over the internet. I
usually type that to one of my
many hot babe friends on Twitter
and Facebook. They love it.
Believe it or not, but I often
think what it would be like to
just be normal. Sure, I might be
Very attractive!


...and I might drive a nice car...
Very nice car!
...but these things are all
materials. I want to be known for
something more than just my
      (turning to
I'm getting older you know.
Very..so not getting older.
She leans over to Orlando.
See!! Does it show? Can you see
the wrinkles over my brows?
Orlando stares at her neck, and sneaks a smell of her hair.
You're kidding right? Look at all
those guys that were all over you.
We could barely leave the
hospital with all those douches
swarming to get a piece of you.
That reminds me; how are you
feeling? Any pain?
Elle exits the Interstate via "exit 6". Makes a right --
then -- left.
No, I'm feeling good. You smell
so good, by the way.
Elle sides her neck to Orlando's nose.
His face is engulfed in Elle's long-flowing hair.
Imperial majesty.


So, you like the script?
Love it!
Love it enough to -- oh, I don't
know -- hang out with me?
Let me show you off to my friends?
Nothing wrong with showing off!
Kiss me?
Why not!
Elle jerks the wheel to the right -- pulling the car over --
to the shoulder, and stops.
She grasps the back of Orlando's head and pulls him in close
for a long and passionate kiss -- lasting for several,
several seconds.
Was it good?
Orlando is speechless.
Elle swings up the door.
Wanna drive?
Orlando sits stunned from what has just happened.


You're kidding, right? Me drive
this -- what -- two hundred fifty
thousand dollar car? You're out
of your damn mind!
Elle has one foot out the door.
Come on. Grow a set, will ya? It
will be fun.
Elle's yellow Lambo is pulled over, with the drivers door
open, and she is seen running over to the passenger side.
The passenger door swings up -- and -- open. A very
excited, and slightly confused Orlando steps out and climbs
into the drivers seat. Both doors close.
Orlando is in the drivers seat -- orienting himself. Elle
is in the passenger seat -- clutching his arm.
Have you ever driven an exotic car
Sure. I was a valet...once.
Orlando depresses the clutch, puts the car in gear, looks
into the side mirror, turns the steering wheel hard left and
guns it.
Feels good doesn't it? All that
horsepower between your legs. You
That was a sexual pun, wasn't it?
Oh! I get it now! You're trying to
be nice to me so I won't sue you
for the accident, aren't you?


I'm being nice to you, because you
are a nice person.
Elle stares at Orlando, smiling which grabs the attention of
I'm just thinking.
Elle continues to stare.
I have a snot hanging from my
nose, don't I?
Elle breaks out in laughter, and continues to stare.
What do you think of blond hair?
I love blondes.
No. On you. I'm thinking of a
There is nothing wrong with the
way I look.
Good God man. You need a look.
Just think of all the attractive
women you could get if you were to
set yourself apart from every
other blowjob who thought they
were too cool for school. You
want to be successful; you have to
be unique, and that starts with a
Blowjob? Too cool for school? Are
you stoned or something? I would
have never expected to hear those
words uttered from such a high
class babe.


You really think I'm high class?
Yeah, d'uh! You're so
unbelievably hot, too.
I respond very well to flattery,
but you might want to keep it to a
minimum when you're talking to
other women. Some women view men
who flatter too much as lacking
self-confidence, and a wee-bit
childish. Just like the way that
Jimi flattered Kelly. in the end,
he didn't get the girl.
Let me ask you a question. Do you
believe in God, or a higher power?
Where did that come from?
I don't know. I'm just thinking
about the events that transpired
that led us to this point.
I guess. I mean, there has to be
something behind this thing called
life -- right? But, on the
flip-side there's all these people
that go to bed at night with their
prayers unanswered. I mean, can
you picture me going home tonight,
and making a passionate plea to
the Lord almighty about being
rich and famous? As if, right?
What about fate? Free will?
Which one? Because, they both
mean two different things.


I believe in it.
I think it was fate that brought
us together. It's like all the
stars in the Universe were lined
Elle rests her head on Orlando's shoulders.
What about love?
What about it?
You believe in it?
Not really. Love is too
overrated. It is something that
should be called for what it
really is; the quest for sex.
I can't believe that you're not
into love!
Elle removes her head from Orlando's shoulders.
You can still put your head on my
shoulders..if you want?
Elle ignores the plea.
Have you ever met a person that
you just become so absorbed with;
holding them up to such a high
pedestal that you don't even care
about having sex with them? You
would just be happy being seen
holding their hands.


Elle springs up!
I got it! I got the perfect look
for you.
Elle settles back down, depressingly.
That reminds me; we need to get
you a new car.
What do you mean get me a new car?
I'm just going to fix the one I
It's totaled.
What do you mean it's totaled?
Angel said it was.
Who in the hell is Angel?
The tow truck guy. Totally cute,
You can't go by what a tow truck
guy says. My poor baby! I loved
my little RX!
Don't worry.
      (looking into
       Orlando's eyes)
I'll find you something to love
Orlando and Elle engage in a stare. Elle abruptly stops.
Let me call my friend.


Yellow Lambo driven by Orlando pulls into a VIP CUSTOMERS
parking spot. The Rhode Island license plate reads
"GOFORIT". The passenger door slides open. Elle steps out.
Elle greets a tall man, TERENCE, at the curb.
Elle! How are you doing?
      (hugging Terence)
Doing just fabulous, darling.
Orlando carefully steps out of the car. He makes his way to
Elle and Terence.
Terence, I would like you to meet
my friend that I spoke to you
      (to Orlando)
Nice to meet you...
      (shaking Terence's
Orlando. Orlando Remington.
Anything special you're looking
Orlando scans the car lot -- full of EXOTIC CARS. Porsche's,
Lamborghini's, Bentley's, Ferrari's.
You have any used 1983 Mazda
Not really. Let's step inside.


A yellow Lamborghini pulls up to a rustic cabin, by the
water. RI License plate "GOFORIT". It parks adjacent to a
black Range Rover, then a second Lamborghini pulls into the
driveway -- with temporary plates.
Both the drivers doors swing open. Orlando steps out of
one, and Elle the other.
Orlando, on the other hand, looks amazingly different.
He is meticulously groomed and manicured--sporting a ROLEX
SUBMARINER WATCH. Dressed in a Hugo Boss three-piece linen
suit, Berluti shoes, and blond hair.
See what a difference a look
I look like one of those dudes in
Duran Duran.
Care for a moonlight stroll on the
Orlando and Elle walk the beach, along the water line --
hand in hand. Elle clutches her 6 inch stiletto heels in
her left hand.
Where did you learn to write so
I don't know. It's probably from
years and years of watching
television. You just develop a
way of picking up on the formula.
What made you write such a well
thought out story?
I don't know. I guess it was born
out of sheer fantasy.


But, the dialog is very specific.
It is as if the writer had first
hand knowledge.
How many houses do you own?
I have a house in Sydney,
Australia. I have a small villa
in France.
Define small.
20,000 square feet.
Yeah, that's small -- continue.
I have my cabin here in Rhode
Island. I have a penthouse in New
York, and I have a house in
Malibu, California.
I hate California! Hate it, hate
it, hate it!
I love California! There are so
many things to do. You can surf,
go bike riding...
I hate bike riding.
You probably never went bike
Well, I hate it. There's
earthquakes, wild fires, no rain!
Stupid hippie, fruity people. Oh,
and the traffic!! I bet most
people in California are stupid


The traffic is not too pleasing.
Elle takes a seat on the sand, watching the ocean waves go
in and out. Orlando follows.
So what was the purpose of making
Jimi twelve years old?
Orlando ponders the question.
Twelve is the age when he is on
the border of becoming a man, and
it's at that point that they tend
to show off to others. It's also
close to fourteen.
You're so deep.
Yeah, well, ya gotta do whatchya
gotta do. Know what I mean?
So what year does this take place?
Wow, my career took off around
then. (beat) So, you were twelve
years old in 1984?
Elle springs up!
A-HA! I knew it! I knew it! You're
the real life Jimi, aren't you?
You have your crotch in my face.
Oh. Sorry.


Elle backs up a few inches.
Details buddy.
Fine! You want details? I'll give
you details, but you must give me
a hug first...and a kiss.
Elle sits down.
Fine. Then hug it is.
Elle hugs Orlando. He grips her hard. She visibly pry's
his hands off.
So there I was. It was the summer
of '84. My mother moved us to the
suburbs of Lincoln. It was...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me hear the
short version. I don't want to
get mugged.
Fade out. The end.
Fine you win. Please
continue...with your long and
drawn out story.
Women! Well, the -- short --
story is when I was twelve years
old I met Kelly. She was just the
most beautiful girl in the world.
Really great voice too. She would
always smile and wave to me. This
went on for a couple months. One
day, while we were having lunch,
she waved to me. I told the jock
next to me that I just wish she
would stop giving me all this
attention. The next day she
stopped, and the day after. And,
the day after that. The years


                       ORLANDO (cont'd)
went by, and we just ignored each
Elle's eyes water.
Have you ever tried to find her?
I found her on one of those social
networking sites. I know that she
is married, with kids.
Did you talk to her? Tell her how
you feel?
No, but by writing that screenplay
it helped me deal. There isn't a
day that goes by that I don't
think about her.
Not one day?
Except for today; for today I'm
thinking of you, and only you.
I want to be your Kelly!
Get the fuck out!
Rawrrr! (beat) What would you say
if I was to tell you that I want
to buy your script?
Oh, I don't know...
What do you mean you don't know?
This is your chance of a lifetime,
and you owe me for that shiny
yellow thing in the driveway.


And the Rolex, the Hugo Boss suit,
and "the look".
You will be compensated very
nicely, and I can see to it that
you can audition for the part of
Jimi. What do you think?
I don't know. I'll have to think
about it.
Do you have any idea how many
people would die to be in the
position you're in right now?
I don't care about money, never
have, never will.
Think of all the women you can
I don't want any women.
Besides, I'll come across all that
money and I'll turn out to be a
drug addict or something.
Ugh! I'm leaving!
Elle marches off!
Hey! Come back!
Orlando runs after her.
Can we talk?


If I sell, will you change it all
around? You know, add all the
stupid shit that executives like?
You have my word.
Would you blow me off after you
buy it?
Can I get another hug?
They both hug.
I don't have an agent.
I'll get you one.
I have no clue what it's worth.
I promise to compensate you
The door opens. Elle enters with Orlando in tow.
I wouldn't be that stupid, you
Elle opens the refrigerator. She takes out two apples and a
stalk of celery. Heads to the counter.
You would.
Elle opens the cupboard door, and pulls out a plate and a
jar of peanut butter. grabs a knife from a draw.


There is no such thing as being
Orlando plops on the couch.
If I had your money I would never
work again. Oh, and I wouldn't
live in a mansion, or mansions.
All I would want is to live in a
garage with 100 cars.
Elle dips a celery stalk in the jar of peanut butter, and
bites in to it.
Then what would you do with all
the money...Einstein?
Elle cuts into an apple and throws it in the trash, along
with the other one.
I would invest it.
So what you're saying is that you
want to turn your money into more
money that you will not use?
Elle reaches into the fridge and pulls out some grapes. She
rinses them, and proceeds to the couch.
In your opinion, how much money
signifies a rich person?
One million dollars!
Orlando lifts up, to make room for Elle to sit on the couch.
He lay on the couch gently resting his head on Elle's lap.
She is feeding him grapes.
A million dollars? How much will
you pay in taxes?


Thirty-three percent?
Thirty-three percent of one
million dollars is three hundred
thirty-three thousand dollars.
That leaves you with a whopping
six hundred sixty-seven thousand
dollars -- short of your million.
The average person makes five
hundred thousand in their
lifetime. Six hundred thousand is
plenty enough of money.
You just spent more than a third
of that money on a car.
No, you did!
Elle gazes into Orlando's eyes, and gives a quick stroke of
his long, curly hair.
So what's it gonna be, big boy?
Let me sleep on it, baby, baby,
let me sleep on it. I'll give you
an answer in the morning.
Elle plants a flirtatious slap on Orlando.
I don't need you reciting Meatloaf
Fine! You broke me down. Yes!
Do we need a contract?


I'll have my lawyer draw one up.
I'm so excited! Are you excited?
Orlando smiles and stares at Elle.
I'm the happiest guy on earth!
Elle gives Orlando a peck on the cheek and stands up.
I think I have the perfect person
to direct it!
Who do you have in mind?
Quentin Larelerino.
Orlando bursts out in laughter.
I'm sorry, but he's not someone
who is known for doing romantic
Orlando stares in awe of Elle.
He will turn your script into a
killer movie. You just watch!
I like to see you happy. You are
happy, right?
Elle runs to hug Orlando. They hug, and both look into each
others eyes --they-- back off.
So...where do we go from here?
Well, there is so much to do.
First thing in the morning I'm
going to call Quentin. Then, I'll
arrange a meeting. Wait, I have
to pay you first. Yeah, that's
it. I'll contact my lawyer, draw


                       ELLE (cont'd)
up some paperwork, pay you, then
I'll contact Quentin.
Orlando puts his head down.
I love this! This is exactly what
I need for my career. It will be
my third act. I'm sure to win an
Oscar. I can just see it now. An
appearance on Oprah, maybe my own
reality show! Wait, I'm too far
ahead of myself.
      (turning to
What's the matter?
Orlando tries hard to hide his look of sadness.
You look like you're mad, or
something. You're not having
second thoughts, are you?
No, no, no, besides it's too late
for that. I have a shiny new
Lamborghini in the driveway, a
Rolex on my wrist, a Simon LeBon
haircut, Don Johnson suit. Should
I keep going?
One day you're going to thank me
for all of this. It's all about
networking, and you can't be taken
seriously pitching a movie or show
to an industry executive looking
like Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Hey now, I resent that. What's
wrong with Dog the Bounty Hunter?
Besides, I already network.
Elle rests her elbows on the kitchen counter. They exchange


I had a really good day. Thanks.
I have to say that I had a
splendid time, as well. Who would
have known, huh?
I know. With you being way up
here, and me being way down here.
I have to take a shower.
Oh! ok.
Elle gingerly walks to the stairs.
Orlando takes notice. Enjoying every movement from her long
exposed legs.
She makes it half way up, and stops.
She engages Orlando with a smile -- then-- proceeds up the
Orlando sits on the couch -- nervously squirming.
Orlando is sprawled out -- on the couch -- sleeping.
Elle runs down the stairs, with wet hair.
I've got great news! (beat) Oh.
Elle happily gazes at Orlando, and gently strokes his hair.
She makes her way to the antique rocking chair, grabs a
throw and gently places it over Orlando's torso.
Good night.
She kisses her finger and places it on Orlando's cheek.


      (sleep talking)
I don't want to go to school,
Elle tries to contain her laughter.
She exits via the staircase.
Elle makes her way down the stairs to a sleeping Orlando --
on the couch.
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
What time is it?
It's time to wake up. We have a
busy day.
I need to...
...hurry and take a shower. I
have your clothes all laid out on
my bed. Let's go!
Just give me a minute.
Orlando stands up, is gripped with pain and lays back down.
I don't think I can make it. My
neck hurts.
I need you...
Orlando smiles.
...to help with the pitch.


Let's see how I feel after the
Orlando is in the passenger seat -- gripping his neck. Elle
is driving, and they are midway through a conversation
Mind over matter.
You have no idea how bad I'm
hurting right now.
My poor baby. I'll give you a
good rub down when we get on the
Plane? Where the hell are we
We're going to the meeting, silly.
Where is the meeting? And, don't
say California.
We're not going to California.
We're going to New York.
Elle makes a right hand turn onto a parking lot. The sign
reads "NORTHSTAR AVIATION". She parks.
What are we doing here?
This is where we're going to catch
the plane.
I know what this place is. I used
to work here.


So? I was fired. I'm too
embarrassed to show my face in
I'm shocked! You're embarrassed
to be seen with me.
Orlando realizes the situation he's in, which is to his
No I'm...wait a second. I'm with
Elle. Swimsuit model, actress,
super-model, Playboy...
I never did Playboy!
Scratch the Playboy, you did
everything else model. This will
be amazing! Ready?
Try not to rub it in too much.
You think...
Elle's black Range Rover pulls into a parking space. Both
the drivers door, and passenger door open.
Elle steps out looking fab.
Orlando steps out gripping his neck.
...you could give me a kiss, you
know. Make it look like we're
TWO LINE SERVICE TECHNICIANS join the couple, and grab their
bags. They take them inside.


Two Line Service Tech's walk down the hallway with Orlando
and Elle's bags.
Orlando is approached by his former boss, whose name tag on
his uniform reads DONALD.
Orlando, Orlando, Orlando I
thought I told you never to come
back here?
I'm here on business, with my
You're girlfriend? You couldn't
pull her in a million years.
      (to Elle)
Oh honey.
Elle turns around and heads towards the two.
      (to Orlando)
Is there something the matter,
buggy boo?
      (hugging Elle)
This man is being mean to me.
      (to Donald)
Hi. I'm Elle. Nice to meet you,
now leave my boyfriend alone. We
have a plane to catch.
      (gripping Orlando)
C'mon love. We must go now.
Orlando turns back to Donald and holds up a big L sign with
his hands to his forehead.
They make it into the luxurious


Whereby, TWO RECEPTIONISTS press a button that buzz the door
A Line Serve Tech holds the door open for the two, as they
make their way to
A PILOT, standing in front of a CHALLENGER 604, greet
Orlando and Elle.
                       PILOT #1
Good morning Elle. We have your
bags in the plane, and we're ready
when you are.
Thank you, and I'd like you to
meet my boyfriend Orlando.
                       PILOT #1
Very nice to meet you, Orlando.
Orlando and Elle enter the aircraft. Pilot #1 follows, and
closes the door behind him.
Elle and Orlando walk down the aisle.
Take a seat on the couch. I'm
going to rub that sore neck of
You would really do that for me?
Of course.
Orlando plops on the couch.
Elle takes off her sweat-suit jacket to reveal a sexy tank


She mounts Orlando, and sensually rubs his neck.
Somebody fucking kill me right
now. This is heaven.
Try not to enjoy it too much. We
have a lot to go over before the
What meeting?
I'm serious! Here are a few
ground rules. Don't try to be
funnier than Quentin. Don't flash
that shiny Rolex to him, either.
Keep the dialog short and sweet.
No long and drawn out stories.
That's his job.
I can't flash the Rolex?
No! Besides, that is the dumbest
thing that anyone can do. If
you're wearing a Rolex people will
notice. So, for the love of Pete,
don't flash it!
Alright, I got it. Man, this
feels so damn good. I love you
Elle reflects a non-reciprocal look on her face to Orlando's
love comment.
I have some oil. Take off your
Elle pulls out a bottle of massage oil from her purse.
I'm not taking off my shirt.
Just take it off.


      (taking off shirt)
Oh! I had no idea.
Do my six pack's
      (Austin Powers
Make you horny baby?
Get back on the couch.
Orlando lay on his stomach -- on the couch.
Elle mounts him, biting her lips. She applies lotion to his
back and neck.
Another useful tidbit of
information is to not kiss
Quentin's ass. Don't tell him how
great his movies are. He already
Fine. (beat) I just noticed
something. Since we've been
together your phone hasn't rang,
you haven't met with any friends
and you don't have a man.
You just having been paying
attention. I have plenty of
Sure you do.
PILOT #2 exits the cockpit and approaches Elle and Orlando.
                       PILOT #2
I hope I'm not interrupting..
...no, I'm done here.


                       PILOT #2
We're going to be landing soon, so
I need you both to take your
Elle dismounts off Orlando, and retreats to a seat.
Orlando sides up to Elle, making a childish attempt to kiss
her. She smiles, but politely brushes him off.
How long is this meeting going to
As long as it takes to get the
deal done.
I'm nervous.
Don't be. It'll be like shooting
fish in a barrel.
How is this guy? In person..
He has an ego, can be a flaming
narcissist, but he is really good
at what he does. He's had a six
film streak at success, and in
Hollywood that means he holds keys
to the castle. That's why it's
very important to not one-up him.
Just let him talk.
Alright, I'll just watch the pro
in action. You feel confident
about this?
Very, and you should too. It's
just a walk in the park.
QUENTIN, is seated in a directors chair motioning to several
ACTORS. He is also holding a bullhorn.


Elle and Orlando approach ON-SET SECURITY and they let them
on to the set. Elle rushes her way to Quentin, with Orlando
in tow.
Elle! So nice to see you, love!
They double cheek kiss.
And you must be Orlando. I heard
so many good things about you!
Hold on.
      (to actors)
Let's break for thirty people.
Really nice to finally meet you
to, Quentin.
Have a seat.
They take seats on extra folding canvas chairs.
Thanks again for taking the time
to meet with us. I know you're
such a busy man. How is the film
coming out, by the way?
It's a fucking bloody mess! I
don't have to tell you what's it
like to work with actors.
      (to Orlando)
You always have to stroke their
ego and shit. As if!
Yeah so, what do you think about
it? I have to say that when I
read it the first person I thought
of was you.
It's going to need some work.


...would you suggest? Perhaps,
some more twists?
Twists are always so fucking good.
I'm thinking of shooting this
shit out of sequence. Fucking
people watching this shit will be
so fucking confused they'll have
to watch the flick three fucking
times to comprehend it. (break)
You guys thirsty? I flew in some
spring water from Bolivia.
Orlando turns to Elle.
I'll be right back, but we have to
be quick. I have a flight to
catch to L.A.
Quentin runs off SHOUTING at the Actors.
I'm sorry. I forgot that you
wanted me to be quiet.
You're doing fine.
Quentin comes back with THREE BOTTLES OF BROWN WATER. He
hands one to each Orlando and Elle.
What the f...
      (turning to
Don't you just love Bolivian
mountain spring water, dear?
Just fabulous.


Quentin guzzles the bottle.
      (to Orlando)
Be a sport and get us some more
water, buddy.
Sure. Which way?
      (pointing behind
That a way.
      (imitating the
I'll be back.
Orlando exits.
Wildcat Elle, how the fuck are
you? Still up to your old tricks
I see.
I'm not the wildcat anymore. How
are you? Ready to get this thing
You know I'm not into the whole
romance genre.
And that is why this is perfect
for you. C'mon, you know you're
up for it.
I'm leaving for L.A. in ten
minutes on a four hour flight to
Los Angeles in my Gulfstream --
all alone. You think you could
convince me that this is the right
project for me? For us?
I know you. It's not going to
take that long. It never did.


Orlando makes his way back -- waterless.
It will.
They ran out of water.
That's alright. It tasted like
shit, anyway.
      (turning to Elle)
Let me wrap this shit up. I'll be
right back.
Quentin exits.
What's going on?
I'm going to Los Angeles with
Ok, let's go.
No, I'm going with Quentin. You
can stay at my house. I'll have
the plane fly you back.
Elle reaches in her purse for CAR KEYS -- hands a set to
Here's the keys to the Rover. I'll
be home in time for dinner.
A HELICOPTER lands sixty feet from the two.
Quentin enters.
The chariot awaits. You ready


      (whispering to
Am I going with you on the
      (whispering to
Yes. I think it's alright.
      (whispering to
Good, because I really don't feel
like walking.
A GULFSTREAM 5 is sitting on the tarmac with the APU
RUNNING. One PILOT stands by the cabin door.
A black SIKORSKY S-76C helicopter lands.
Helicopter taxis to the Gulfstream.
Quentin exits with Elle, while the blades are still turning.
Orlando exits -- lagging behind.
Quentin boards the aircraft, holding Elle's hands.
Elle turns to Orlando, blows him a kiss, and lips move "I'll
be home soon"
The doors on the Gulfstream close.
Orlando sulks his head.


The Challenger 604 pilot, from earlier, escorts Orlando to
the aircraft.
Is bustling with activity. A SHETLAND PONY, BEAR, CHIMP,
and a GOAT are running all over the house.
Dan is dressed as a Circus Ringmaster, gripping a princess
      (into phone)
Come on. Pick up.. Dude! It's
about time you pick up the phone.
Where the hell are you?
Orlando is clutching his cellphone.
I'm just hanging out at a
supermodel's house.
That's nice. I just stopped by
your apartment. There's an
eviction notice on the door.
I couldn't care less bro. You'll
never believe what happened to me.
I sold my script!
Which one?
He and she...Was that a Goat?
Long story. How much ?
We're still working out the deals
on the money, but I couldn't care
how much it goes for. You will
never guess in a million years who


                       ORLANDO (cont'd)
bought it.
How the hell did you know?
You guys are plastered everywhere
on tv...the internet. Nice car!
This is totally unbelievable.
Enjoy every moment of it, man.
What's she like in person?
She's just amazing. I'm just
thinking this is all a dream...I
think I'm in love man.
Now the real question is; is she
in love with you? Did you guys
"do it"?
I wish. But honestly I would just
be happy being her friend.
That is just plain stupid. You
know that, right? Because, there
is no such thing as being friends
with a person you're in love with.
I would make my move before you
get stuck in the "friend zone".
Once a man gets stuck in the
friend zone that means there will
never be any sex--ever.
Whatever! Dude, was that a
The wild animals at Dan's place are entangled in a fight.
WOMEN WEARING BIKINIS are trying to subdue them.


I have to call you back. Maybe we
can hit up Barry's tonight or
Orlando flips his phone shut.
Orlando attempts to get up off the couch.
He makes it up relatively easy, and peers out the window.
This is sheer madness! What the
hell are they doing?
He notices paparazzi in the bushes. He snaps the curtains
Elle is sipping from a crystal glass filled with Orange
Juice, vegging out on celery sticks. A tan FLIGHT PHONE is
in her hand.
Hi. How's your neck?
Orlando is on the phone -- looking out the window.
It's better. How's the meeting
Sounds like you're having fun.


Something like that. I had the
lawyers draw up the paperwork, and
you should be receiving a fax. All
you have to do is sign it, and fax
it back as soon as you can. Oh,
you will be really happy at the
amount of money coming your way,
I think I hear the fax going right
now. What time are you coming
Well, four hours to get there, and
another four hours back. I should
be home around seven or eight.
I'll have a surprise for you.
Before I forget, I have the
perfect guy for your agent. His
name is Garret. He's been with me
for years. I gave him your
contact info, so you should expect
a call soon.
Is he on the up and up?
Absolutely! Oh, I have a surprise
heading your way, as well. It
should arrive any minute now.
Oh, there's a bunch...
Hold that thought. I have a call
on the other line. Let me call
you right back, ok?
I'll be here...in your home...all
alone. Bye


There is a knock at the
He makes his way to open it.
Facing him is Sheila, the girl from Barry's nightclub. The
foot fetish girl with a long massage table along her right
side of her body.
Oh my God! It's you...
...the creep. I know.
I'm impressed. She made an
interesting choice this time.
Interesting choice?
Never mind. You think you can
help me with my table?
Sure, Come on in.
He helps her with her massage table.
Orlando is laying on the table receiving a massage from
Did you find the place alright?
Yeah, I come here all the time.
All the time?
Usually about four to five times a


Yep. That's pretty much all the
time. Well, Elle needs to be
Oh, I don't come here for Elle.
If you don't come here for Elle,
then who do you come here for?
People like you. More
specifically, the men she picks
up. And, whoa, there are a lot of
I call bullshit. Why are women
always jealous of other women?
Bullshit huh? Alright. Let me
guess how you two met. She rear
ended you.
How the hell...
She then drove you around in her
Lamborghini; then came up with a
clever way to let you drive it.
Something like "Hey, wanna
drive?". Then followed by a
make-out session, and the whole
spiel on Scientology.
It was actually God.
Wow. Maybe she really does love
you, but it looks like you didn't
escape the whole "look"
conversation. You need to find a
way to set yourself apart from
every other...


...blowjob who's too cool for
school. I knew she couldn't come
up with that on her own.
You think I'm bullshitting now?
Orlando gets up off the table.
How do you know about this? (beat)
Wow, my neck feels great!
I told you. I come here a lot,
and it's always the same story.
She teases them, takes what she
wants and she dumps them --
leaving them broken-hearted.
I don't believe it.
Get back on the table. I'm not
done, besides I'm getting paid.
Orlando get's back on the table.
That is one hell of a Rolex you
have on. A gift?
No, it wasn't a gift. I paid for
it from the money I'm getting for
the sale...of my...script.
Looks like she got what she
The circumstances might be the
same, but I'm different. She
likes me for my talent.
Look. From one Rhode Islander to
another just give up on her. Try
finding someone closer to your own
age and bank account.


Are we done yet?
All done.
He leaps up off the table.
Door is open, and Sheila is exiting with folded massage
table in her hand.
She looks at the Lamborghini in the driveway. She puts down
the table, and walks over to Orlando -- holding a business
      (handing Orlando
       business card)
Here's the rest of my phone
number. Call me sometime.
Thanks, but I'm just fine.
He places the card in his pocket.
As Sheila walks away.
Nice car.
Orlando closes the door, and looks shocked.
I'm not going to let some idiot
piss in my corn flakes. Let me
surprise Elle with dinner.
SUPER: 8:00 P.M.
Orlando has a rack of lamb on the elegantly set dinner
table. Crystal wine glasses, fine china and silverware
adorn. Orlando is lighting the sixth candle, four on the
table, and two on the counter.


Come on baby.
He hears a noise and runs to the window.
That's my girl.
He peers out the window to see that Elle is no where in
She'll be home soon. I can feel
A full candle burns.
A three quarter sized candle burns.
A half sized candle burns.
Orlando is half-asleep on the couch.
The phone rings four times, answering machine picks up.
                       ELLE (V.O.)
Hey Orlando. I won't be coming
home tonight...
Orlando wakes up, and runs to the phone.
                       ELLE (V.O.)
I'm going to stay in Los Angeles.
I ran into some friends. I'll see
you soon. Oh, I have a spare key
to the house and my cars in a lock
box in my room. The combination
is 3-6-2-4-3-6. That is also the
code for the alarm. Hope you're
not missing me too much! Bye.
An out of breath Orlando grips the phone receiver.
He drops the receiver, and falls to the floor -- gripping
his head.


Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! She was right. I
can't believe I'm such a fucking
He slowly makes his way up, visible tears stream down his
      (wiping tears)
What the fuck am I crying for? Ha!
I'm rich! I have a Lambo, nice
clothes, a ten thousand dollar
Rolex. The phone number of a
really cute obtainable chick.
What's the problem?
The yellow Lambo with the temporary plates starts up, turns
on it's lights and the top goes down. Then is put in
reverse, forward and drives off.
Orlando is perusing around. Reaches for the center console,
and pushes a button.
Dan, it's me bro. Where the hell
are you? I was thinking it could
be a good night for Barry's.
Dan is visibly making out with a scantily-clad girl on his
Orlando pulls up to a red traffic signal.
They smile, garnering Orlando's attention.
Hi ladies.


                       ATTRACTIVE GIRL #2
Nice car.
                       ATTRACTIVE GIRL #1
Yeah, nice car.
I know.
Light turns green.
Orlando waves to the ladies, and speeds off.
He reaches for the radio, and turns it on.
FIRST SONG: A power ballad about love that went wrong
He changes the station
SECOND SONG: A song dealing with the loneliness of losing a
loved one.
You got that right, man.
He changes the station.
THIRD SONG: Flaming Lips-Do you realize
"Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face Do
You Realize - we're floating in space -"
He begins to choke up.
A) Elle in silver Mercedes smiling
B) Orlando looking shocked to meet Elle
C) Elle, with a big bright smile, in the passenger seat.
D) Elle smiling with elbows on the kitchen counter.
E) Elle smiling walking up the stairs.


Orlando pulls into the parking lot of his apartment
Orlando walking in, as he turns on the lights.
Flies swarm around a half-empty pizza box.
He heads to the 'fridge -- opens it -- to moldy oranges.
There's nothing here for me
A sign in the distance reads "MORNING VIEW DRIVE".
The obscured view of the Mega-Mansion main residence through
a pair of white monogrammed iron gates with the letters
Orlando hammers away on the keyboard of his laptop, atop his
desk that is fit for a President -- or -- a member of
The room is filled with memorabilia that fits certain parts
of his personality.
HOWDY-DOODY sits in the corner, next to the 350 GALLON SHARK
Behind him -- on the wall -- is a 30 foot long by 5 foot
wide framed photo of the new Ferrari 458
He stops typing to take in the ocean view from his large bay
I need a name.


Orlando scans the room, and stops at his autographed picture
of Richard Petty next to his STP 43 car, holding up the
Winston Cup Trophy, wearing a King's Crown.
Orlando resumes hammering on the keyboard.
A tall woman with blond hair walks in the room.
What now?
The tall woman is Sheila -- from earlier.
      (walking towards
What? No hello, how was your day?
She makes an attempt to kiss him on the lips, but Orlando
turns away.
Can't you see that I'm busy?
I need another credit card.
What do you mean you need another
credit card. What happened to
your Express Card?
It was denied. I think it might
be over the limit.
There is no limit on the Express
Card. How many times did you try
to use it in one day?
I don't know.
More than five times?


Yeah. I think it was like twenty
Well, that's the problem right
there. If you use it more than
five times in a day to make large
purchases the credit card company
shuts it off.
So can I get another credit card?
So how am I going to survive in
Barbados without any money?
Call the credit card company, and
get the problem fixed!
Fine. Can I get the keys to the
How many times do I have to tell
                       ORLANDO & SHEILA
...you're not allowed to use the
Ferrari under any circumstances.
(beat) Ever!
So how am I suppose to get to the
Get Caesar to drive you.
I know you're gonna miss me.


Yes, very much. Bye. Have a
great trip. Take your time coming
back home.
Sheila exits.
As God is my witness I swear it's
all an act.
The phone rings twice. Orlando activates the speaker phone.
There is a FAMILIAR VOICE, on the other end.
                       FAMILIAR VOICE (V.O.)
Orlando! How is my favorite client
Garret! Am I your favorite client,
because I am your only client?
The voice is GARRET, his agent.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
You're my favorite, because you're
my favorite. Alright, enough of
the small talk. Get a pen and
paper; we have business to
Orlando stops typing and reaches for a steno book and pen on
his desk.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
I think I found a buyer for
Quantum Solstice.
How much?


                       GARRET (V.O.)
I'm trying to work them up to
three mill.
I'll be happy with two, and twenty
percent on the back end.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
I'm not sure they'll go for it,
but I'll give it a shot. I also
received a call today from the
BBC. They need a head writer for
a developing sitcom.
I don't do television.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
That's what I thought. I'll turn
them down. On the flip side we
have a strong green light on
You actually got someone
interested in that heap of shit?
What is wrong with people?
                       GARRET (V.O.)
You're on fire. All the hype
about He and She is making you one
very popular guy. Take it when
you can get it.
Is that your subtle way of getting
me to do the BBC TV show?
                       GARRET (V.O.)
You can do whatever you want, but
they have very deep pockets.
Fine, I'll think about it.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
I saw Elle the other night.
How is she?


                       GARRET (V.O.)
She asked for you.
I really don't care.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
You know I never get into your
personal business, but you should
talk to her.
What's there to say to someone who
ripped out your heart and stomped
on it? I'll pass on that.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
She was looking really good, and
I'm pretty sure she's single.
She's single, huh? I don't care.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
Does that mean you're sticking
with Sheila?
Don't even get me going with her.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
Then I won't. How about the
I'm not going.
                       GARRET (V.O.)
You're missing out on a good
chance to network.
Again with the networking
bullshit. Enough with that crap
                       GARRET (V.O.)
How are you making out on the
latest project?
I just finished the second act,
rounding my way to the third. I
can have it to you by next week.


                       ORLANDO (cont'd)
(beat) So, you think she's single?
                       GARRET (V.O.)
She really misses you. I can
email you her phone number if you
I have it. When is the premiere?
                       GARRET (V.O.)
Who's her date?
                       GARRET (V.O.)
She's going by herself.
She's looking hot?
                       GARRET (V.O.)
I hate you, man!
                       GARRET (V.O.)
Same here. Hey, I got a call on
the other line. I have to let you
Take care buddy. Oh, make me some
Orlando lifts up the headset, and quickly lets it go.
Where was I? Screw it. Time for
a bike ride.
The lot is fairly empty. A middle-aged man, Garret, is
stretching alongside a black RANGE ROVER HSE.
A RED BENTLEY pulls into the lot. Garret flags the driver.


The Bentley, with dark tinted windows parks next to Garret.
Elle steps out of the car, wearing a silk sweat suit,
ball-cap, sunglasses and no make-up.
      (pointing to car)
Don't you boys know that real
women drive colorful cars? Ready
to burn some fat?
Let's go.
They head towards the
Visible sweat protruding from each others forehead, as well
as their shirts.
Elle is wearing her sweat jacket wrapped around her waist
exposing her black sport bra.
You're walking faster than usual.
I can barely keep up.
I tend to walk faster when I'm
What are you scared about?
What's not to be scared about? I
have a movie that is set to
premiere in eight hours. I've
been living the past six months on
three hours of sleep. My finances
are in shambles, and my love life
is in the toilet.


You have nothing to worry about.
The movie will be a big success.
Have you seen the reviews? They're
panning the shit out of it!
I can give you a list of movies
that were box office success' that
had bad reviews.
I have practically every single
bit of money I have into this
You know what they say; the bigger
the risk the higher the reward.
You're not doing much to soothe
I talked to Orlando the other day.
Elle stops walking.
He was on edge too.
Elle continues to walk -- faster. Garret in tow.
I don't care about him anymore.
He said the same thing about you.
She stops dead in her tracks.
You lie!


It's true. When I asked him if he
was going to the premiere he said
She continues to walk, even faster than before. Garret
struggles to keep up.
How can he not attend the first
movie he ever wrote and sold?
Fucking asshole. I can't believe
I was ever attracted to him.
Up ahead, in the distance, there is a male riding a vintage
Hutch prostar BMX -- heading towards Elle and Garret.
Sounds to me like you're in love.
What if I told you he was here,
and he was heading in our
Not funny!
Wasn't meant to be funny. Look.
Elle looks up, and spots Orlando. She quickly turns around.
      (grabbing Garret)
Oh my God! I can't see him.
Garret turns his back to Orlando.
What's the matter? I thought you
didn't care?
I'm not wearing any fucking
make-up. Did he pass yet?
Orlando passes them -- quickly.


They continue to walk in the same direction.
Fine. I love him. You happy now?
Are you?
How can I get him back?
He'll show up at the premiere, and
when he does just be yourself.
He thinks I'm a lady of the night,
doesn't he?
Sheila did a good job of
convincing him of that.
Stupid bitch. That story was not
true...partially true.
You want my advice? Deny her
version of the story. The fact is
that he loves you, and you love
He loves me?
Sure. And, without you he has
developed a temper. He isn't the
same happy go-lucky kind of guy.
They make their way back to the
Garret opens the door to his truck and grabs a towel. One
for Elle, too.


Thanks. So what are your plans
for tonight? Wanna be my date for
the premiere?
Titi and I are going to Lisa's
dance recital.
How is she doing?
She's happier now, but it was
pretty rough. I'd say the past
year or so.
Tell her and the little babushka I
said hi.
Will do.
Thanks for the talk, as well. Wish
me luck!
Garret takes one step into the truck.
You'll be fine.
Garret starts the truck and exits.
Elle stretches, sees Orlando on his bike, and leaps into her
car -- ducking.
A RED CARPET lay perpendicular to the sidewalk.
ROWS AND ROWS of LIMOUSINES drop their precious cargo of
WELL DRESSED, A-LIST CELEBRITIES, where they are met by an
ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER who conducts an interview.
Elle exits a limo, walks on to the red carpet and is


                       ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER
Elle! Elle! Do you have a minute?
Elle politely, and so elegantly, walks over to the
Entertainment Reporter.
How are you? I love the show.
                       ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER
Are you excited?
Extremely, and a slight bit
                       ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER
What made you come out of
retirement for a project like
this, He and She?
I just absolutely fell in love
with the story. The story, by the
way, was written by a very young
and talented writer by the name of
Orlando Remington, and this story
was based on his life experience.
It was just a no-brainer to go all
out on this.
Quentin enters, and sides up to Elle. His arm on her
shoulders. She appears slightly uncomfortable.
                       ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER
And here is the director right
here. What was it like to work
with him?
Quentin is just truly fabulous! I
was lucky on two fronts, finding
the screenplay and finding a great
Quentin takes the reporters attention, Elle sneaks off.


Orlando is waxing his RED FERRARI 458, that is next to his,
FERRARI 360, which is next to his FERRARI TESTAROSA, which
is next to his FERRARI 308, which is next to his FERRARI
The second row contains: '71 PLYMOUTH CUDA (PLUM CRAZY
The front row of cars: '68 SHELBY GT MUSTANG (ELEANOR), '85
Orlando casually glances at the PENNZOIL SIGN CLOCK that
reads "8:00p.m"
He drops his rag, to the ground and takes a seat on the work
What am I going to do?
He stands up, takes a deep breath, and...
Fuck it!
A DOOR opens, Orlando steps out wearing a TUXEDO.
He makes his way to the covered car, and pulls the cover
off. It is the yellow Lamborghini that Elle bought him.
The door slides open, he peers at the clock that reads "8:35
p.m." and he climbs in the car. HEADLIGHTS flick ON.
Elle is digging through her purse and pulls out a pack of
LIGHT CIGARETTES, and a LIGHTER. She looks both ways and
lights one.
Her face is lit up with glee, as she takes the first drag.
Oh, how I've missed you.


A DOOR behind her OPENS. Orlando comes out, and stands
behind her.
      (talking to
I know you love me, don't you?
Elle turns around -- STARTLED!
Oh my God! You scared the shit out
of me!!
If you'll excuse me, I have to go
back in.
Elle makes her way to the door. Orlando stops her, with an
I don't want you to go without
first telling you how I feel.
You made it clear to me, remember?
Oh wait, you weren't man enough to
tell me. You just left -- without
a word!
I'm not here to fight with you.
I'm here to...
Orlando attempts to kiss Elle, but is rejected.
I guess Sheila was right. You
never cared for me. I was just a
You have some nerve. Do you have
any idea what the fuck I did for
you? huh? Everything you own;
you own as a result of all the
shit I did for you! And, now you


                       ELLE (cont'd)
want to somehow throw this in my
face. Insinuating that I'm a
I love you.
You don't love anyone but
yourself, and that big fucking
mansion in Malibu. Don't think I
don't know. I know everything.