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Last Man on Earth (Short Film)
by Brandon Young (young1bd@gmail.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ****
A ladies man makes a wish that might just come a little too true.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


We are in a credit union. Four tellers, two male (SCOTT and
BOB) and two female (JENNIFER and JULIE), are all currently
waiting on members. There is no one standing in line. One
of the male tellers, Scott, is finishing waiting on an
elderly woman (MRS. THOMAS).
There you go Mrs. Thomas. You
have yourself a very pleasant day.
                       MRS. THOMAS
Thank you, young man. You do the
same. And may I say that you are
just the most charming young man
I've met in quite some time. I
bet all the young ladies just
swoon over you.
I wouldn't go that far Mrs.
Thomas, but thank you for the nice
                       MRS. THOMAS
Anytime, young man. Good day to
Goodbye, Mrs. Thomas.
As Mrs. Thomas steps away from Scott's station, a female
teller, Julie, finishes with one of her members as well.
Julie's member steps away just seconds after Scott's. Julie,
who is two windows down from Scott, turns to Scott and
begins a conversation.
So Scott, what are you doing this
weekend? Remember, we are closed
on Monday. It's Memorial Day.
Three-day weekend!
What? Oh, I think I'm just going
to lay low this weekend Julie.


Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
Especially, after last weekend,
Huh? Yeah, yeah, after last
I was thinking about going to see
that new Stallone movie. Do you
think it will be good?
As Julie finishes her sentence, an attractive young woman
(AKEMI) walks into the credit union. Scott pays little
attention to Julie's statement because his eye has been
caught by this woman.
I can help you over here.
The young lady steps forward to Scott's window. Julie shys
away from Scott and lets him do his job.
Hi there. How can I help you
I'd like to withdraw $100 from my
savings please.
That's simple enough. Can I get
your account number and picture id
The young lady pulls her driver's license out of her purse
and hands it to Scott.
Akemi? That's an interesting
name. What does it mean?
It's Japanese for bright and
I'd like to say it definitely
suits you.


Scott pauses for a moment and glances into Akemi's eyes for
a brief moment. A big smile comes over Akemi's face after
they lock eyes. Scott smiles back in return.
Thank you.
And your account number please.
It's 8155630.
That's one of our newer account
numbers. You must have just
opened your account recently.
That's why I haven't seen you in
here before.
I actually just moved to the area
a few weeks ago.
How do you like it here so far?
So far it's been pretty good. I
just wish I knew more people.
Well, you always have a friend
here if you need it.
I might just have to remember
Scott starts inputting Akemi's information into his
computer. Scott reaches into his till and pulls out five
twenty dollar bills. As he does this, a receipt prints out
of the printer that is next to him. Scott takes the receipt
and places it in front of Akemi.
I just need you to sign on the
line for me please.
Akemi takes a pen that was resting on the counter and signs
her name. Scott flips the receipt so that it faces him. He
then begins counting out the $100.


Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty and
one hundred. Okay, bright and
beautiful, you have yourself a
great weekend.
Thank you. I will try.
Akemi turns away from the counter. After taking two steps
back, she turns around and goes back to Scott's window.
I've never done this before. Well,
at least not at a credit union
before. But, can I give you my
phone number?
Akemi takes the pen that is on Scott's counter and tears off
a small piece of her receipt. She writes down her number
and gives it to Scott.
I actually think this is against
our policy, but since you are new
to the area, I guess I'll just
have to risk it.
It will definitely be worth it.
Akemi walks away and exits the credit union. The male
teller sitting next to Scott on his right, Bob, has
witnessed the majority of the event as did Julie. Bob is
finishing with a member of his own as Julie tries to resume
the conversation she was having with Scott.
So that new Stallone movie is
supposed to be really good. I'm
probably going tonight.
Huh? Oh, Stallone, yeah, he's
alright, I guess. I may go check
it out tomorrow night or
Well, if you don't have anyone to
go with I'd love for us to...


Bob has just finished with his member when he directs
Scott's attention away from Julie and interrupts her
mid-sentence. Julie is visibly hurt.
Dude, that's like the second
number you've gotten this week.
Try third.
Oh, that's all? Anyways, how does
Taco Bell sound for lunch?
That sounds good. My girl,
Jennifer, should be back from her
break in a bit to cover for us.
Your girl? How many times has she
rejected you?
Let's just say I'm feeling pretty
lucky about today.
And why do you think today is
luckier than any other day that
you've asked her?
Because she is ready to crack. You
see, if I ask her out enough, she
is bound to say yes at least once.
Either that, or she'll send you a
little love letter in the form of
a restraining order.
Jennifer walks up from the back. She sits at the window
next to Scott on his left. She unlocks her till as Scott
strikes up a conversation.
Well, hello there Jennifer. How
was your lunch?


Shut it, Scott. I know you and
Bob want to get going on your
man-date together; so quit talking
to me and get out of here.
Jennifer, why are you so stressed?
Here, let Uncle Scotty come and
release some of that tension.
Bob, can you get him out of here
Come on, Uncle, we've got to get
you some food before you take your
pills. How is that Viagra going
for you by the way?
It's going well.
See you in an hour, Jen.
Bye, Jen.
Bye, Bob.
I said bye, too, Jennifer.
Bye, Bob.
Ouch, another blow to the old ego.
Scott and Bob exit the credit union.
Scott and Bob get their food from the counter and sit down
in a booth that is next to one of Taco Bell's windows.
I have a question for you.


Fire away.
Do you think gay people's favorite
candy is Skittles? You know?
"TASTE" the rainbow?
Bob chuckles a little.
That's the dumbest thing I have
ever heard.
And yet, you still laughed.
That, I did, my friend. That, I
There is a pause in communication as the two of them begin
I have a feeling that tonight is
going to be my night.
I don't know Scott. She may press
charges on you.
And why do you say that?
Because you've been borderline
stalking her for like six months
Bob, stalking is someone who keeps
old love notes from a girl...that
were written to other guys.
When are you going to give up on


You see, my good man, she is but
another challenge for me to
overcome. Besides, hard to get
girls are worth the wait.
I don't recall you having to wait
for that many girls in the five
years I've known you. Why don't
you just call that girl you got
the number from today and ask her
out tonight?
Because tonight is the night that
Jennifer and I have our first
Scott, she hasn't said "Yes" to
you before; what makes you think
she will say "Yes" to you now?
Let's just call it intuition.
Just don't come crying to me when
your intuition says no again.
When have I ever come crying to
Last Friday, when she said no.
That wasn't crying.
There were tears.
They were tears of laughter. I
was laughing because Jen has no
idea what she has gotten herself
Oh, is that right?


Of course that's right. Now
finish your taco, we've only got
about fifteen minutes left.
They eat a little bit more before Scott begins talking
What are you doing for lunch
Sheesh, fatty, we haven't even
finished today's meal. Besides,
hopefully, I will be making lunch
in bed for Jennifer.
So when that falls through, how do
you feel about trying out that new
chicken place down the street?
What's that place called?
I think it's called Cockles.
I'm always into trying new things.
I'm going to remember you said
Is 1:00 pm good for you?
One o'clock it is.
Scott and Bob finish their meals and put their empty trays
away after throwing away their trash. They head for the
doors and walk outside.
It is a warm, sunny spring day. Bob, and Scott have just
started walking toward Bob's car. As Bob pulls his keys out
of his pocket, a quarter falls out onto the parking lot.


Scott sees the quarter fall and picks it up. He holds it up
so Bob can see his findings.
See, I told you today was going to
be a lucky day for me.
Real lucky. That just fell out of
my pocket.
Yeah, lucky for me it didn't fall
out of my pocket.
Bob lifts his head up and drops it back down. He then
unlocks his door and gets in. Scott waits for Bob to unlock
his door, but Bob turns the car on instead. Bob begins to
back up as Scott starts banging on the door so Bob can let
him in.
Real mature, Bob.
Bob pulls forward and unlocks Scott's door. Scott opens the
door and sits down in Bob's car.
I just wanted to prove to you that
today wasn't so lucky of a day for
What are you talking about? I was
lucky that you were stupid enough
to let me back in.
After Scott says this, he smacks Bob on his arm.
Back to work we go, boy!
Scott and Bob enter back inside the credit union. There are
three female tellers on the line. Bob and Scott's windows
are currently open. Scott and Bob go to their windows and
unlock their tills. Jennifer has concluded business with a


member that she had been waiting on. Scott looks at her and
smiles. Currently, there are no members waiting in line.
What are you smiling about,
Well, quit it. It's starting to
annoy me. You may want to get
ready for the three o'clock Friday
rush. It's about that time.
Oh, I'm ready for it alright.
After that is said, eight members walk through the door. All
five tellers are ready for them, waiting in anticipation.
Scott motions to Bob as a cute girl (MELODY) is the first to
enter. She has Scott's name written all over her. Jennifer
attempts to get her business.
Hello, I can help you over here.
The cute girl walks to Scott's window instead.
That's okay, I want Scott to wait
on me. Hi, Scotty.
Jennifer waits on the member next in line after her.
Oh, hi, Mel.
So are you ready for another
fantastic weekend?
I'm not sure yet.
Last weekend was great, wasn't it?
From what I remember, I think it


You were so funny. I couldn't
stop laughing. Do you remember
when you did that handstand and
nearly fell on the table?
Yeah, then Bob tried doing one and
he nearly sprained his hand.
Bob is counting out money to his member when he catches wind
of Scott's comment and glances over. Jennifer, on Scott's
left has also finished with one of her members. She has
noticed Scott's conversation and becomes quickly annoyed
with him. More people are entering the credit union. There
is now a line of six people waiting to be served. Scott
continues chatting with Melody.
That was kind of funny. So what
are your big plans for this
After last weekend, I was thinking
of just laying low. I may go to a
movie or something tomorrow night.
I heard there was a new Stallone
movie out that was supposed to be
pretty good.
Julie hears Scott's comment and glances over at Scott for a
brief moment.
I heard that was supposed to be
good. You probably already have a
date for it don't you Scott?
Not at the moment, but I will
definitely keep you in mind.
You're so nice Scott.
I try my best. So, how can I help
you today?


I just need to get out some money
for the weekend. I think I just
need to withdraw $50. My account
number is 4517730.
That's simple enough.
Scott begins typing in Melody's information. Then he
continues chatting some more. Jennifer has now finished up
with another member. She continually glances over at Scott
and has become frustrated with him. There is still a line
of four members as another goes to Jennifer's window.
So what are your plans for the
weekend, Mel?
Tonight is 'Girls Night Out.' Me,
Jill, Stace, Megan, Shannon and
Ashley are going to Chippendale's.
Nice. There's nothing better than
a bunch of drunk women going to
see half-naked dudes dancing and
dropping their manhood all over
the place.
So it will be pretty much similar
to what you did last week.
Well, that's different.
How so?
Because I have a much better body
than them.
Scott flexes his right bicep, lifts it to his face and
kisses it. Melody giggles a little at Scott's motion.
Jennifer looks over and is now utterly ticked off at Scott.
The line has finally started dwindling down and the rush is
nearly over. Scott finally pulls the receipt off the
printer and passes it to Melody.


Okay, Mel, I just need you to sign
the receipt for me please.
As Melody signs the receipt, Scott takes $50, two twenties
and a ten, out of his till. Melody passes the receipt back
to Scott and Scott begins counting the money out to Melody.
20, 40, and 50. There you go
Melody takes out a twenty-dollar bill and a ten-dollar bill
and slides it back to Scott.
Can I get about thirty of it in
ones please?
I should have thought about that
in the first place. Please
forgive me.
Scott takes the thirty dollars, places it in his till and
takes out a wad of ones. Scott counts them to himself and
hands them over to Melody. She takes them and place them in
her wallet.
Thanks, Scott. You have to be the
best teller they have here.
Jennifer looks over at Scott in disgust after "overhearing"
Melody's comment.
I'm only this good to our special
Scott, you're so sweet. Okay, I
have to get going now. I hope you
have a good weekend.
You too, Mel.
You should go out and have some
fun tonight.
Jennifer has now finished with the last person in line.


I think I'll let you and the
ladies have all the fun tonight
with those guys.
You know we will.
Alright, bye, Mel.
Bye, Scott.
Melody waves bye as she walks away and out of the credit
union. Scott waves bye back. He now looks over to
I don't even want to hear anything
from you right now.
Why not?
Do you even have to ask?
What? I was just waiting on a
friend. Why are you jealous?
While you were waiting on your
"friend," who is pretty annoying I
may add, the rest of us were busy
waiting on everyone else. Scott,
you're so inconsiderate. It's
always about Scott, Scott, Scott.
You aren't the best thing to
happen to this planet. You most
definitely aren't the best teller
here, that's for sure. And I
honestly have no idea how you even
got hired here in the first place.
Someone must have fallen for that
fake charm of yours somewhere down
the road. I do know one thing
though; I, and any other woman
with half a mind for that matter,
will never fall for it.


Scott interrupts. By now, all the other tellers have taken
notice of their conversation.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where is all of
this coming from?
Scott, you just don't get it, do
you? You need to grow up.
So, I'll take that as a "No" to a
movie tonight?
Scott, I wouldn't go out with you
if you were the LAST MAN ON EARTH!
Scott stands in shock at what he has just heard. He pauses
for a moment, thinking of something he can say to come back
from the verbal beating he has just taken. A gentleman
walks in the door and Scott quickly draws his attention to
the member to get away from the situation.
I can help you over here, sir.
Jennifer turns her attention away from Scott. Julie turns
her attention away from the situation and begins counting
her till . Bob, after overhearing what had happened, also
begins to count his till. The entire credit union turns
silent except for Scott who is waiting on his member.
The last member has left the credit union and the tellers
have all begun balancing their tills. Scott hasn't spoken
to Jennifer since the incident. In fact, Scott has pretty
much not spoken to anyone except for members since the
incident. Scott counts his till and jots his numbers on his
balancing sheet. Bob is doing likewise, but glances over to
Scott repeatedly. Bob finally breaks the silence and speaks
to Scott quietly.
We should go out for a drink or
something tonight.


That's alright. I think I'm just
going to lay low at my place and
watch some tv or something.
That's cool. I completely
understand. But if you do decide
to go out, give me a call.
I'll be sure to do that.
Do you want a ride home?
No, I think I'm just going to
walk. I could use the fresh air.
Scott and Bob finish counting their tills in silence.
Jennifer completely ignores Scott. Julie, on the other
hand, continually glances over at Scott while she counts her
till. Scott glances up at Julie and locks eyes. Julie
shakes her head and resumes counting her till.
Jennifer is the first one out of the door and walks directly
to her car. Scott and Bob come out next. Scott walks with
Bob to his car. Julie comes out next. Bob gets in his car,
turns his engine on, and rolls his window down.
Hey, don't let her get under your
skin. It's not the end of the
I know, I know, she's just a girl.
There's other dolphins in the
ocean. And all that other jazz.
Alright, brother, I'll catch up to
you later. Don't forget, lunch
tomorrow at that new place at one.


You got it; see you there.
Bob drives off. Scott begins walking when Julie comes up to
him and starts chatting.
Are you walking home too?
Yeah, I have to get some things
off my mind.
Do you want some company?
That's okay, Julie. I think I
just want to be alone right now.
I understand. I hope you have a
good weekend Scott.
You too, Julie.
Julie picks up her pace and begins walking past Scott. They
are both heading in the same direction. Scott walks at a
slower pace. On his way home, he comes across a wishing
well. Scott stops at the well. He pulls out the quarter
that fell out of Bob's pocket. He looks at it and says to
Not even if you were the LAST MAN
ON EARTH?! I'll show her.
Scott ponders his wish for a moment. He finally makes up
his mind and says his wish out loud.
I wish I was the last man on
After making his wish, Scott flips the quarter into the
well. He laughs a little, shaking his head, then continues
on his way home.


Scott is shown sitting on his recliner with a beer in hand.
There are five other beer bottles sitting on the stand next
to his recliner. The clock on his wall says 2:14. He is
watching a movie; "Swingers" to be exact. It is at the
scene where Mike has gotten Nicky's phone number and is in
his apartment calling her numerous times.
Mikey, what are you doing? Don't
do that man. You know you have to
wait two days. Sue and Trent just
told you that. I hate when you
call her. You know she's not
going to return your call, yet you
insist on calling her repeatedly.
You've got to play it cool.
Scott takes another sip of his beer and begins dozing off in
his recliner. After a struggle to stay awake, Scott finally
loses the hard-fought battle and passes out in his chair
with the movie still playing.
Scott steps outside his apartment and looks around. He
notices there are a lot more women outside than normal.
Scott begins walking to his meeting point. As Scott walks,
he still hasn't seen a man in sight, only women. These
women are even glancing at him. Scott catches many of the
women that are walking in groups of two or more whispering
to each other. Scott thinks nothing of it. He just figures
that all the men are probably still hung over from the night
before. Scott continues on his walk until he reaches his
destination. The name of the restaurant is "Cockles." There
is an enormous sign with the name of the restaurant standing
next to an enormous rooster. Scott opens the door to the
restaurant and enters.
After entering, Scott finally sees a man and breathes a
small sigh of relief. He realizes he isn't crazy. The
restaurant is decorated very fashionable for a fast food
place. The restaurant is very bright, with all colors of
the rainbow being represented. Scott grabs a seat and waits
for Bob to show up. While he waits, Scott glances up at the
menu. There is a line of about three people, all of which
are men. In fact, there aren't any women in the entire
restaurant. Bob finally arrives.


Hey, big fella, feeling any better
I think I'm doing a little better
today. I had a few drinks alone
last night to relax and unwind.
Next time, be sure to give me a
call when you need to relax and
have a few.
Yeah, I'll be sure to do that.
So are you ready to order?
I've looked at the menu a little
bit and I'm pretty sure I'm ready.
Great, I'm famished.
Famished? Okay, I guess I can go
with that.
Scott and Bob get in line. There are a couple of servers on
the line who are working rapidly to get people through. Bob
and Scott are finally at the order window. The gentleman
(STEPHEN) working the window has a name tag that reads
Stephen. Scott is first to order his meal.
Hi, Steve, I'd like a number three
The name is Stephen, not Steve.
I'm sorry?
      (pointing to his
       name tag)
My name is Stephen, not Steve.


Okay, Stephen, may I please have a
number three?
Yes, you may. That will be $5.25.
Scott pulls out a ten-dollar bill from his wallet and hands
it to Stephen. Stephen gets Scott's change and his receipt
and hands it to him.
Thank you, Stephen.
You're welcome.
Scott steps to the side and Bob steps up next to order.
Stephen, you're going to have to
forgive my friend; he's a little
I pretty much figured that out
Stephen, can you get me a number
six, up-sized please?
Ooh, you like things bigger, don't
Bob glances downward and then raises his head back up to
face Stephen.
My whole life.
Stephen's eyes become enlarged as he quickly rings up Bob's
total. Stephen then reads out the total to him.
That's going to be $6.78.
Bob gives him a ten-spot as well. Stephen accepts it and
gives Bob his change. After Bob receives his change,
Stephen winks at him. Scott catches this, but keeps his
mouth shut. Scott gets his meal as soon as it comes out. He


walks over to the soda fountain and pours some soda into his
cup. He then takes a seat at a booth next to one of the
windows and waits for Bob to sit down. Bob finishes pouring
his drink and sits down next to Scott.
Was he just hitting on you?
I think he was. I guess if you've
got it, you've got it.
Uh, yeah, I guess so.
Scott digs into his meal as does Bob.
This new place has some pretty
good food.
Would you expect anything less?
I guess not. So what are the
plans for tonight?
I actually have a date for
So who's the lucky chosen one?
Well, the chosen one's name is
Sounds hot.
Kym sure is.
Scott continues eating his meal. He scans the entire
restaurant once again and still doesn't notice any females
in sight.
Do you notice anything different
about this place?


What do you mean?
I mean look around. Do you notice
anything out of the ordinary?
No, I see a bunch of people eating
food at a restaurant. Nothing out
of the ordinary there.
You don't find it odd that there
aren't any women in here?
Not at all. They are probably all
out there doing what we should be
doing...shopping. After we finish
here, let's go to the mall.
I don't see why not. I don't have
anything else to do today.
Besides, you need to look good for
Kym. Anything's better than those
rags you're wearing right now.
Now I know you're not telling me
anything about fashion sense. Who
bought you that nice shirt you're
wearing right now?
Alright, I'll give you that one.
I thought so.
The guys finish their meal and toss their trash in the
garbage. As Bob walks out the door, Stephen catches his eye
and waves bye to him. Scott looks over at Stephen as well,
but gets a dirty look from him. Scott brushes it off and
walks out with Bob.
Scott and Bob walk to Bob's car in the Cockles parking lot.
Scott notices a rainbow sticker on Bob's car and comments on


Dude, what's up with the rainbow?
Kym thought it would be funny last
night to put it on there.
I think Kym might have my kind of
In a weird way, that's one of the
things on Kym that I'm most
attracted to.
Get out of here, freak.
They both laugh and get in Bob's car.
Scott and Bob are walking through the mall. There are
stores designated for both men and women everywhere. There
are men and women walking throughout the mall. While
walking, Scott pauses, looking at one of the stores inside
the mall, and comments to Bob.
Isn't this where Victoria's Secret
was just last weekend?
Who's secret?
Victoria's Secret. You know,
women's underwear?
Why would you care about women's
Because they belong to
women's...you know...under-areas.
Scott, grow up. What planet are
you from?


It's called earth. Maybe you
forgot about it.
Bob shrugs as they continue to walk. A beautiful girl
(MORGAN) passes by them. Walking in front of her is a man,
but they are clearly not together. She catches Scott's eye
as Scott catches hers. She continues walking while Scott
turns to Bob.
Did you see that?
That is one fine piece of ass if I
must say so myself. Probably,
taken though.
I didn't see a ring, but probably
has a boyfriend anyway.
Bob stops as they walk by a flashy, upscale men's clothing
store. The name of the store is "Flamboyant."
This is the place?
This place looks new also.
Yeah, I think they just opened up
Scott and Bob enter "Flamboyant."
They walk two steps before being encountered by a salesman
Hello, gentlemen. Welcome to
Flamboyant. My name is Brendan,
and I am here to serve you in any
which way you deem necessary.


Well, Brendan, thank you. We are
just looking right now, but you
definitely will be the first
person I look to for help.
Brendan hands Bob and Scott a small plastic whistle.
Honey, just blow this and I'll
come a'runnin'.
You got it...(looking at Brendan's
name tag) Brendan.
Brendan takes a few steps away from the two. Bob places the
whistle in his mouth and blows just a little bit. Brendan
turns back around and walks back to them.
I was just testing it.
You little devil you. You two
have fun shopping.
Brendan walks away once more. Bob starts walking over to
where some nice shirts are and begins browsing through them.
He takes one shirt off the rack and puts it over the front
of his body.He places it back. Bob does this a few more
times and then goes back to the first shirt he picked up.
This is the one. I'll take it.
That was the first shirt you
picked up. It seemed like you
didn't like it when you first
looked at it.
Things change, Scott. I just
realized what pants this shirt
would go perfect with. And this
is the one.
Bob blows the whistle as Brendan makes his way over,
noticing the shirt Bob chose.
Excellent selection, sir.


Thank you.
I'll ring you up right over there.
Brendan points to a register nearby. They walk over to the
register where Brendan rings Bob up.
Will that be cash or credit today?
Credit please.
Bob pulls out a credit card and gives it to Brendan. Brendan
runs the card, wich comes up approved, and hands the receipt
to Bob for him to sign.
I just need your signature right
there on the dotted line.
Bob signs on the dotted line and passes the receipt back to
And thank you for your soul. Ha
ha, just a little signature humor.
I'm just teasing you.
Bob chuckles a little. Scott rolls his eyes at the bad
I hope to see you two lovebirds
soon at Flamboyant.
      (rolling his eyes)
Yeah, you too.
Bob and Scott walk off.
Lovebirds? That guy's pretty
funny. Why do people always think
we're dating?


I don't know. I guess we'd just
make a good couple.
The same pretty girl that caught Scott's eye earlier walks
by. Scott has an idea.
I'll prove that I'm still single.
I'm going to get that girl's phone
Why would you get a girl's phone
Because that's what I do. What's
gotten into you lately, anyway?
      (mumbling to
Not you.
What was that?
Oh, noth...
Before Bob can finish, Scott walks over to the young woman
who is waiting in line at a pretzel shop.
Scott sidles up behind the young woman. He is slightly to
her left. She is carrying an average-sized bag in her right
So what kind of pretzel are you
going to get?
I was just curious as to what type
of pretzel you were getting. It
may influence my decision.


Uh, I think I am going to get a
cinnamon pretzel today.
That does sound very tempting. I
think you have me sold.
Morgan steps forward to the cashier (PRETZEL CASHIER).
I'll have a cinnamon pretzel.
Scott steps forward a little. He has some cash in his hand.
Make that two. On me.
                       PRETZEL CASHIER
Okay, two cinnamon pretzels. That
will be $4.96.
Scott hands the cashier a five-dollar bill.
Why, thank you.
The cashier hands Scott his chnage. Morgan takes a seat at
a nearby table. Scott stands by her at the table.
Do you mind if I sit down and chat
with you?
No, I don't mind at all.
Scott takes a seat. He extends his hand for Morgan to
My name is Scott.
Morgan accepts the invitation and shakes Scott's hand
Hello, Scott, I'm Morgan.
Morgan is such a pretty name.


Thank you. I've seemed to grow
fond of it myself.
I find it odd that a pretty woman
like yourself is all alone
shopping at the mall.
My friends didn't feel like coming
out today, so I thought I'd treat
myself to some new shoes.
Morgan points to the bag that she was carrying.
I see, I see.
You're not from around here are
Why do you say that?
Because most men around here
aren't this nice to women.
I've lived here my whole life.
Besides, I'm not like most men.
I'll prove it to you tonight over
Morgan's eyes light up. She digs into her purse; she finds
a pen and a small notepad. She writes down some information
and hands it to Scott.
Come over around 7:00. I'll make
dinner, you bring the dessert.
Scott takes the paper from Morgan and places it gently in
his pocket.
I'll be there at 6:50, with
dessert in hand.


Even better.
Scott takes his pretzel and walks back over to Bob.
Tonight is going to be great for
both of us, I can just tell.
You sure have been acting rather
odd lately.
Hey, we're getting lucky tonight,
I sure hope so.
Bob and Scott exit the mall.
Thanks for walking me to my door.
Next time, I think I can handle it
on my own.
I was just trying to be polite.
Okay? Let's meet up again
tomorrow at "Cockles." They had
some pretty good food. Is Noon
good for you tomorrow?
Nooner sounds great to me.
Oh, and good luck tonight.
Bob gives Scott a hug and kisses him on the cheek. Scott is
in utter shock.


Thanks; I'm going to need it.
Scott opens the door to his apartment and walks in.
Scott, holding some whipped cream, rings the doorbell.
Morgan comes out wearing some lingerie. She pulls Scott in
her apartment, begins kissing him, and slowly closes the
It's the next morning. Scott has just stepped out of
Morgan's apartment. He takes two steps, but Morgan comes
out with only a robe on and begins kissing Scott again.
Scott kisses her back as he begins stepping backward. A
small crowd of women have gathered and witness what is going
on. Scott finally breaks loose and picks up his pace. The
women congregate and begin whispering to one another. Scott
walks even faster on his way out.
Scott is walking on the sidewalk. One brave girl comes up
to him and hands him a piece of paper and walks off. He
opens it and finds the girl has written an address down with
4:00 on it. Before Scott can say anything to the girl, she
walks away. Another girl comes up to him and hands him a
piece of paper as well. This time, the paper has another
address on it with 4:30 on it. And once again, before Scott
can say anything the girl leaves. Three girls then come up
to him, all giggling with big smiles on their faces and hand
him three pieces of paper. Each paper contains a little bit
of information on it. The first piece has four numbers on
it. The next piece has a street name. And the third piece
has 5:00-6:00 on it. The farther Scott walks, the more
pieces of paper he collects. Scott sees Jennifer walking in
his direction. He stops dead in his tracks as Jennifer
walks right up to him. She kisses him on the cheek and
slides him a piece of paper. She starts walking off when
Scott yells out to her.
Jennifer, wait!
Scott starts running over to her. He catches up to her. She
finally stops for him.


So are you over what happened the
other day?
I forgot about that a long time
ago. I just know I want to be
with you tonight.
For six hours. From midnight to
six in the morning.
I'll be there at midnight sharp.
I sure hope so.
Jennifer romantically kisses Scott on the lips, then walks
away again. Scott stands still in amazement. He finally
regains his composure and continues on his way. Scott runs
into Julie.
Hi, Julie.
Julie turns away from Scott and walks off. Scott shrugs his
shoulders and walks some more. He sees Mrs. Thomas on his
Hello, Mrs. Thomas.
                       MRS. THOMAS
Hiiiii, Scott.
Mrs. Thomas hands Scott a piece of paper. As she walks
away, she pinches Scott on his butt.
                       MRS. THOMAS
See you at three, Scotty.


Scott is startled. He shakes it off and continues on his
journey. More and more women come up to him trying to give
him their information. As Scott gets closer to "Cockles"
the women finally start backing off.
Scott walks in and, once again, there are no women in sight.
Bob is waiting for him inside. He's talking to Stephen
when Scott walks up to him. Scott overhears their
You don't deserve that slut.
I know I deserve better than that.
Scott interupts.
You don't deserve what?
Oh, it's him again.
I'll tell you later. Let's just
get some food.
Scott glances over the menu and makes his decision.
Okay, Stephen, I'll have a number
one today. Can I get cheese on
that please?
It already comes with cheese.
      (snapping back)
I'm sorry. Can I get extra cheese
      (rolling his eyes)
I guess so.
Stephen rings Scott up.


$4.94 please.
Scott hands him a five-dollar bill
Keep the change.
Awe, gee, thanks. You're so nice.
Stephen's demeanor changes as he looks over to Bob.
And for you, Bobby?
Actually, I'll have the same.
I'll be sure to give you extra,
extra cheese.
Thank you, Stephen.
Bob hands Stephen a ten-dollar bill. Stephen takes out
Bob's change. He then takes a pen out and writes something
down on the five-dollar bill that Bob will eventually be
getting back. Stephen gives Bob his change with a big grin
on his face. Bob looks at the money and sees that Stephen
has written his phone number on it. Bob takes the money and
gently places it in his wallet. Bob then winks at Stephen
and smiles.
Anything to brighten up your day,
Scott and Bob gather their food and have a seat at the same
booth they sat in the day before.
There's something about that
Stephen guy that I just don't
Stephen's not a bad guy. He's
just a little rough around the


Enough about him. Some weird
stuff has happened to me today.
Like what?
So I walked out of that Morgan
chick's apartment to come here
after having the best night of sex
in my life last night and...
Bob interupts.
Wait, you had sex with her?
Uh, yeah. It was like she hadn't
been with a man in a really,
REALLY, long time. So anyways, I
start walking and all of these
women just start handing me their
addresses with times on them.
Scott pulls out a wad of small pieces of paper and sets them
on the table.
I don't know what is going on
around here, but I think I am
going to be one busy man tonight.
Check this one out.
Scott reaches in his wallet and pulls out the paper that
Jennifer gave him.
I even got Jennifer's address and
it says 12:00-6:00 on it. That's
six hours with the woman of my
dreams on it. I knew the other
day was just a fluke and that she
really wanted me. She must have
seen all those other girls hand me
their information and must have
gotten jealous.
Bob seems disinterested as he nibbles on his food.
That's good for you.


Fine, I'll change the subject. So
what happened with Kym last night?
Kym? Kym decided to try and bring
another man into the situation.
That just doesn't fly with me.
Stephen was right. Kym is a slut.
Are you alright?
I'm fine, now that Stephen gave me
his number.
Why would you want Stephen's
number? He's gay, you know.
That's why I want it.
Did that Kym girl make you turn
Kym girl? Kym's a man, honey.
Kym's a what? Whoa! Dude! Wait
just one minute here. Bro, are
you gay?
Scott, look around you. We're all
Scott starts looking around the restaurant and doesn't see a
woman in sight. In fact, he sees only men; many of which
are holding hands and sitting next to one another. He
finally comes to the realization that every man in the
building...even the world is gay.
So...So am I gay, too?


Actually, you're the only one that
isn't. What's wrong with you?
You've known this for years.
And that would explain the women.
Yes, that would explain the women.
So what does all of this mean?
It means you have a busy day on
your hands.
And it also means that my best
friend is gay.
Yes, it also means that your best
friend is gay.
So then that means that my gay
best friend kissed me yesterday.
Yes, that means that your gay best
friend kissed you yesterday and
you liked it.
Scott puts down the rest of his food.
I think I'm ready to go now.
You have a busy night on your
hands. You should probably go
home and get ready. You don't
want to keep all those "WOMEN"
Scott gets up. Bob stays seated.
Aren't you coming?


I think I'm going to wait for
Stephen. He gets a lunch break in
a few minutes.
Uh...You have fun with that.
Scott puts his tray away and heads toward the door. He sees
Stephen who gives him another dirty look. Scott shakes his
head and walks out the door.
We see a montage of Scott walking into various women's
doorways. Each of them have smiles on their faces. They
all drag Scott inside. After each new visit, Scott looks
more and more disheveled, used and abused.
Scott finally comes to Jennifer's doorway. He looks
horrible, but still finds the will to knock on the door.
Jennifer comes out. She is wearing a robe. She grabs him
by the hand and escorts him inside.
Jennifer throws Scott on her bed and slowly walks backward.
I'm going to slip into something
I'll be here.
Jennifer walks into the bathroom. Scott is stuck on the
bed. His eyes begin closing. He struggles to stay awake.
Eventually, he succumbs to his adversary and falls asleep.
Jennifer steps out of the bathroom wearing some kinky
Ready or not, here I co...
Jennifer notices Scott passed out on the bed.


That son of a...Oh well. what he
doesn't know won't hurt me,
She walks over to Scott seductively as he is passed out.
It's the next morning and Scott is starting to wake up. He
lifts his head up and glimpses over and sees Jennifer
cuddling next to him. He looks under the covers to see that
the two of them are naked. He slowly gets out of the bed
with a bed sheet wrapped around his body. He begins
gathering his clothes that are scattered on the floor, He
slowly puts his clothes on in an attempt not to wake
Jennifer. He opens the door, but the creaking of the door
wakes Jennifer. Jennifer jumps up and yells to Scott.
I'm not through with you yet
Scott! Get back over here!
Jennifer gets up and grabs her robe. This gives Scott time
to start running out of the house. Jennifer starts chasing
after him.
Scott starts running. There is a large gathering of women
standing outside of Jennifer's house all wanting a piece of
Scott. As Scott runs by them, they grab at him trying to
slow him down. They are not successful though, as he runs
past them, unscathed. The women all start chasing after
him, but Scott is too fast for them. Jennifer leads the mob
as Mrs. Thomas trails the pack. Scott is going through
alleys trying to escape the vicious gang. Scott continues
dodging them until he finally climbs a fence that leads him
to Bob's apartment complex.
Scott barges into Bob's apartment. He sees Bob and Stephen
kissing on the couch. They are under a blanket. Bob and
Stephen are startled and sit back in shock. As soon as
Scott sees this, he turns back around and heads right back
out the door.


Scott bangs on Bob's door, looking down both ends of the
hallway for any females. There is no response. Scott bangs
on the door again. Finally, the door opens. Stephen is in
the doorway wearing nothing, but a towel and a scowl on his
face. Scott shakes his head in disgust. He realizes Julie
lives two doors down from Bob. He goes to her door and
knocks on it loudly. Julie comes out, sees Scott, and slams
the door in his face. Scott bangs on the door again. Julie
comes out and starts to slam the door again. Scott wedges
his foot so the door can't close.
Julie, wait! I need your help.
Julie opens the door.
Alright, come in.
Scott enters Julie's apartment.
Thank you, Julie. I didn't know
where to go. These women are all
chasing after me.
What women?
Every "WOMEN."
Sure...Have a seat. Make yourself
at home. Mi casa es su casa.
Scott sits down on her couch.
Do you want anything to drink?
Some wine? A beer? A soda?
I'll take a soda.


You're such a jerk.
Julie heads to her kitchen as Scott sits surprised at what
Julie said. He shrugs it off and starts rummaging through
the magazines that are on Julie's coffee table. Julie comes
out with two glasses in hand. She hands one to Scott who
takes it and sips on it immediately.
Julie, that is the second time in
as many days that you have called
me an jerk. What did I do to you?
Like you don't know.
Honestly, I don't know. Please,
tell me what I did.
We were supposed to go to the
Sylvester Stallone movie and you
never showed up. That's what you
did wrong.
I never said I'd do anything with
you. You never asked me to go.
You just told me that's what you
were probably going to do.
You always try turning everything
back around on me. That's what
you do best.
Julie, I honestly have no clue
what you're talking about.
And to think, I was going to have
sex with you. I'm glad I didn't.
You think you have it so easy
being the last one don't you.
Being the last what? Wait...You
were going to do what with me?


The last man.
What are you talking about? There
are plenty of men out there.
Scott, have you forgotten what
happened. Do you not remember?
Remember what?
Your wish.
How did you know about my wish?
      (eyes wide open)
Scott, I know everything about
You what?!
Oh, get over yourself. I stopped
to tie my shoes and I heard you
make that wish. Well, it came
true. Aren't you happy?
But my wish didn't come true. I
wished I was the last man on
earth. Clearly, I'm not.
Technically, you are.
How so?
Do you see any other "STRAIGHT"
guys out there?
Bob was straight until recently.


Are you serious? You're telling
me a guy with that kind of fashion
sense is straight?
I guess I just didn't see it. I
mean he's been with women before.
When was the last time you saw him
with a woman?
Scott pauses and thinks about it for a moment.
What's going on around here?
You're the one who asked for it.
What am I going to do now?
You're going to have to deal with
it. You can't stay here, that's
for sure. I can't stand to even
see you right now.
Julie, please, I need your help.
I'll do anything. I'll even...you
know...have se...
Don't flatter yourself. You had
your shot.
Julie, I'm sorry for whatever I
did. You have to believe me, I
don't know what's going on around
You really don't know, do you?
Honestly, I don't.


Okay, you can stay here for a
little while, but if they find out
you're here, I'll have to hand you
to them.
Thank you. I appreciate it. I
owe you bigtime.
You do owe me.
Julie exits for a minute. Scott continues sipping on his
beverage. He grabs the remote control that was sitting on
Julie's coffee table. He leans back on the couch, rests his
feet up on her coffee table, and turns the television on
using the remote control. "Rocky V" is on the TV screen.
Scott notices that the DVD player is on. He looks at over
at her DVD collection and notices that all the movies are
Sylvester Stallone movies. Julie enters back in. She is
wearing the same outfit that Sylvester Stallone wore in
Rambo. Scott sees her and is immediately creeped out. He
gets up from the couch and walks backward slowly.
      (laughing lightly)
You must...uh...really...uh...like
Sylvester Stallone.
And that's why I'm so mad, Scott.
You see, I wanted to share my love
for Sly with you and you didn't
appreciate him like he should be
      (almost at the
But I said I was probably going to
But you didn't go. You were too
busy having sex with women.
I don't want to hear about your


Why did you even let me in here?
Why didn't you just let me stay
outside and get torn limb from
limb by those women? Just a
minute ago you weren't going to
let me in.
There are certain rules that I had
to follow, Scott. I couldn't just
let you in. You had to really want
to come in on your own volition.
You see, Scott, I made a wish,
      (reaching for the
       door handle)
What are you talking about?
After you left the fountain, I
made a wish. I wished that you
would share my love of Sylvester
Stallone with me.
Scott tries to open the door, but it's locked. Scott looks
for the lock to door, but can't find it. Julie slowly walks
toward him.
Oh, you can't get out, Scotty.
You'll never get out, Scotty.
Scott starts yanking on the door handle, trying to escape as
Julie presses him up against the door and whispers into his
It's just you, me and the Italian
Stallion forever.
Julie starts nibbling on Scott's ear as he starts whimpering
in fear and breaking down into tears.


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From Brandon & Gerald Young Date 10/1/2010 ****
Good, but It's no Ghetto Man. ~Your Bro

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