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Time of the Phoenix: Sacrifice and Glory
by Gregory Morgan (morgan.gregory61@yahoo.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Science Fiction/Fantasy   User Review: ***

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



Filled with the most luscious, emerald green scenery. The
planet bears trees with many heights. Giant birds take over
the sky, but below they share their air with the Phoenixan
The species have features of a human being with distinguish
methodical stripes similar to that of a tiger. The tails
were long with a rattle on the end. Males wore bald heads
while females grew their hair out long, but all of them wore
togas with their skin of a peachy color.
Two male Phoenixans were arriving in front of JAMARIZ's
Jamariz's Palace was constructed by the finest and strongest
rocks of Yarona, mostly in neutral hues.
The large, tall stone doors opened up as the two Phoenixans
walked up the flight of stairs.
They entered and kneel before Jamariz.
Jamariz stood up from his throne with his hooded toga and
the two Phoenixes rose up to their feet.
Have the Phoenixes found their
riders yet?
                       PHOENIXAN #1
We predict they'll be arriving at
their spots soon.
How long?
                       PHOENIXAN #2
Within three days, but there's
only one problem.


What? What is it?
                       PHOENIXAN #2
The Fire Phoenix...well...
                       PHOENIXAN #1
The Phoenix took a totally
different direction, Emperor.
The two Phoenixans thought Jamariz would get upset.
                       PHOENIXAN #2
We apologize greatly for this
news, but she's heading to Earth.
Dont be! This is great news!
Both Phoenixans looked at each other in surprise.
                       PHOENIXAN #1
I'm sorry, my Emperor, but how is
this news appealing to you?
                       PHOENIXAN #2
Yes, how? She's heading toward a
planet similiar to ours.
                       PHOENIXAN #1
I thought the Phoenix rider had to
be native of here.
Says who?
                       PHOENIXAN #2
I always thought that to.


      (turns away)
Not necessarily. I know of things
that I cant speak of to you.
Secret facts told to me by our
dear God. Spread the word of an
upcoming ceremony. There will be a
special guest arriving soon.
Yes Emperor!
The Phoenixans kneel to Jamariz and headed back out the
      (to himself)
Finally. Its coming true.
The classroom is filled with teenagers on a hot last day of
school. Students yell and throw paper as the teacher sits at
his desk not giving a care.
ALI, a 16-year-old with short, black hair. 5-foot-10 inches
with a athletic built stature. His eyes fixed on the digital
clock above the dry eraser board.
He and along with other classmates count down the seconds on
the clock, which was presently at 3:29pm
Five, four, three, two, one!
The bell sounds off and students ran out hollering and
yelling to the nearest exits.
Ali stood proudly, taking in the hot Summer breeze.
Ready to hop onto his bike, another young man jogs to his
direction yelling.


GREG, 17-years-old with a low cut, about Ali's height, but
stocky in appearance.
Wait! Hold up!
Hey, whats up man? I thought you
wasnt coming on the last day.
I thought the same thing until mom
woke me up with her nagging.
I see your mom doesn't play with
the education thing.
      (mocking mom)
Get up Greg. Everyday has to
Wow. I couldnt live with you.
I'm like come on. Teachers don't
even care when June comes around,
but whatever, its over. Seem like
you were in a hurry.
The usual....work.
Oh, I forgot. Your a work man now.
I don't wanna hold you up, so take
Greg hands Ali a ticket.
Oh, the Downtown Fireworks.


Yep. Me and a few others from here
are going. You should come, that's
if you dont have to work.
I know right.
Seats are first come first serve.
We're going to arrive early as
possible to get close to the
I'll let you know before the time
Sweet. Call me when you get off.
Sure thing
Ali raced to work as usual, trying to make it at his 4:00pm
Just arriving, his chest felt like it was on fire, but he
figured it was just minor heartburn.
He passed through the foyer doors of hid workplace and it
wasn't busy like he thought.
Interrupting his view of the main dining room, was a new
busboy. That was highly odd considering he was the evening
He went straight to the manager's office to get directly to
the point.
Ali knocked on the door a couple of times before JOE, the
General Manager open it.


Mr. Rayshouny! Come in sir and
close the door.
Am I off today or what?
I was going to call you,but you're
here already...um.
What? Whats wrong?
      (still hesitating)
Myself and along with the other
managers....decided to let you
What do you mean let go?
Your work ethic is not what we
expected, so we decided to hire
another busboy to take your spot.
Ali didn't say another word, he walked out the office in
complete silence with a frustrated frown on his face and did
say bye to anyone on his way out.
He rode his bike to Greg's street that was only a few blocks
from his.
He was riding up Greg's street that was only a few blocks
from his.


Luckily he saw him sitting on the pavement of the driveway,
in which Greg was in his own world.
      (yelling intently)
Hey! Whatcha doing?
Greg jumped in fright, being knocked out of focus from Ali's
      (holding chest)
Jeez! What are you trying to do,
scare the nerves out out of me.
Ali found it hilarious, still laughing at Greg.
      (cont. holding
That's not funny, I could of
caught a heartattack!
Oh my God. No you wont.
I thought you had to work tonight?
      (shaking head)
I did. Until I got fired.
What did you do?
Nothing. I just wasn't good
enough, I guess.
Sorry. Thank God you don't have


Ali began to rub his chest in a weird motion. This time it
felt worse.
You okay over there?
      (rubbing chest)
I'm fine. I been getting this
crazy warm feeling in my chest
lately. I going home.
Alright dude, get better.
If I don't call you tonight, I'll
call in the moorning.
Ali thought he might be coming down with something, but his
particular symptoms he was experiencing was different from
that of a common cold.
He decided to finally get out of bed and take a aspirin,
just to see if it would help his chest.
He got back into bed, looking forward to sleep.
It wasn't long before he started having a dream about fire.
Immediately his head risen from his pillow and was sweating
effusively, panting like he just got through running.
Looking at the night sky, he knew he wasn't sleep for long.


Ali enjoyed a glass of cold water to cool down, trying to
sleep now seemed impossible, even though it was still early.
He watched the moon and thought about life and his
accomplishments so far. In the process he bobbed his head to
his earphones.
Without warning Ali's mother, STEPHENE pulled up to the
backyard toward the garage.
Stephene was a couple inched taller than Ali, long black
hair tied into a ponytail. She wore a sundress and open toe
She spots Ali in the days, unaware of her presence,
continuously bobbing his head to his tunes.
Hey you.
Hi ma. How's grandma doing?
Br now, for the moment She'll be
out the hospital tomorrow morning.
That's good
Off work early, huh?
Something like that...I got fired
His mother came onto the deck, knowing how upset Ali was and
kissed his forehand.


I'm sorry baby. Don't give, just
try again. There other things out
there in this world. Your
talented, you just have to find
that one thing your good at, okay.
Thanks ma.
She entered through the deck door with a light yawn.
Ali eventually fell asleep under the glistening stars and
the glowing crescent moon. Earphones blasting with music.
His mother already asleep.
Getting ready to go in, Ali spots a large, flying object
passing the moon and it seem it was taking direction toward
the backyard.
      (shockingly to
What in the world?
The closer the object got, the better Ali could make out
what it was.
It was the biggest and most odd looking bird ever witnessed
by his eyes. All he could do was stare as it sped toward
Earth like a meteorite.
Ali stood up and took more notice of its appearance.
The wingspan of the bird as it hovered over the backyard
grass was much larger than a commercial aircraft. It looked
like an eagle, but much, much bigger.
Already landed on the surface, the bird spread its wings and
held the position.


      (in awe)
Wow. What are you?
The bird was of the warmest colors in existence.
It's large, hooked beak and feet bleed a rose red. Plumage
and the tail was of gold, yellow and red. Four longer
feather dragged about from it's tail. Tips of the wings were
red, plus the neck and chest shined a bright yellowish
orange. Finally it's head resides a crown of golden
feathers, spiked up like a mohawk.
Ali could have swore the bird said something.
It's your time now.
The bird's autumn yellow eyes leered at Ali, still on the
It song lovely tunes and began to spin around as it
levitating and it's wings still spreaded in the position.
It spun and spun until it spun itself in ashes, looking like
cycling dirt in the air.
A long ribbon of ash, several feet in length form a nest of
ashes in the tree of the backyard.
Getting up into the tree, Ali's eyes captured a dark grayish
egg, bigger than an Ostrich egg.
Right before Ali got into his bedroom good, the temperature
of the egg burnt his right wrist, leaving a permanent mark.
He fell asleep with the egg hidden under his pillow.
Again he started to have that weird dream of fire and the
warmth feeling in his chest was still there, but more


The darkest side of Yarona. Dark cloud fill the night sky.
Creepiest of the creatures stalk the atmosphere. Land
plentiful of died trees, naked of leaves and home of many
DE'SAH, Lord of the gargoyles and the southern half of the
He stand about looking out from his bedroom balcony with his
long, slick tail. The rest of the body resembles that of a
reptile, but stood upright with wings of a bat.
Approaching his palace was one of his finest gargoyle
guards; TY.
Ty waited for the door to open as De'Sah stood at his throne
for some news.
He entered and immediately bowed his head in respect.
So! What did you find out?!
Nothing much, just...
Nothing much? What do you mean
nothing much?
Spit it out!
The great three Phoenixes found
their riders. They should be
making their way back to North
Yarona in less than 36 hours or


                       TY (cont'd)
Of course! I know that! What about
Yeah, about that. She had other
plans else where....planet Earth
if you will, my Lord.
De'Sah looked at Ty with a disgusted frown.
Are you okay? You seemed bothered
by something.
De'Sah grabbed Ty by the neck.
Bothered! Of course I'm bothered!
What is she doing on Earth?!
Answer me that?!
I dont know.
You dont know?!
Im sorry...
De'Sah squeezed tighter.
      (cont. choking)
I can find out.


No. I cant count on you anymore.
Leave me now.
Yes, my Lord.
Ty, without any hesitation flew stormed out the palace with
the quickness.
      (to himself)
Planet Earth huh? We need to see
what she's up to.
Ali laid there stretched out comfortably and the egg still
under his pillow.
There was a few knocks at his bedroom door.
Ali! Ali! I need you to watch the
There was a few more knocks.
Ali! Come on now! Wakey, wakey!
I wont be gone too long. I'm going
shopping for my vacation. I made
breakfast already, just pop it in
the mic.


All right ma.
Ali was getting up, getting his day started.
He had breakfast, stretch, took a shower and put on clean
He sat on his bed with his eyes fixed to the news.
                       FEMALE TV REPORTER
Good morning. If your just tuning
in; citizens of Time County
reportedly saw a flying object in
the sky last night and no it
wasn't a UFO. Listen to what an
older couple had to say about the
                       OLD MAN
I have no idea what that was. I
saw what looked like a bird's
wings and tail. I couldn't see the
colors, it was too far in the sky.
                       OLD WOMAN
I seen the colors with my own
eyes. I don't know about him.It
was beautiful. I saw reds and
yellows. I think I saw an orange
or two in there as well.
                       FEMALE TV REPORTER
Keep watching. We'll keep you
posted with other eye witnesses.
While Ali was watching, ASHIRA could overhear the
What are they talking about; a


Ali thought he was just hearing things, so he just ignored
the miscellaneous voice.
      (to himself)
Im tired.
He attempted to lay down, until he heard the voice again,
forgetting Ashira was under his pillow. He thought he was
going crazy.
Hey, can you get me from under
here. Its getting kind of stuffy.
Ali jumped in shock, right before he could lay down on the
Get me from under here, will you.
Um, okay!
He grabbed Ashira from under the pillow and looked at the
egg with a confused look on his face.
Oh my. Thank you so much.
How are you talking right now?
Your just a egg.
Not just an egg Mr. Rayshouny, but
a Phoenix.


A Phoenix? You mean the bird?
Yes, its only three of us left.
Wait! But birds dont talk!
On my planet they do.
Is it in our solar system?
No way I'm from Yarona, its
thousands of light years away, its
in a whole different solar system.
Ali had never heard of a planet by such name.
How do you know my name, but don't
know yours?
I have my ways...and by the way,
name's Ashira.
Nice to meet up, Ashira.
Likewise, Mr. Rayshouny


ZAMIRA, queen of the Phoenixans reside in the ceremonial
grounds of the forest, where many small houses are present.
She to wears a hooded toga, the same grayish color as
She enters in one of the a houses, all made of light wood
made from the surrounding trees in the forest. Jamariz was
already inside.
Has she landed yet?
She already did, not too long ago.
You think he's it?
Yes, I really feel confident about
I hope your right this time. The
people waited so long for him.
True, what about you? I want to
know what you think.
I think that he's it. One thing
that bothers me is what others
here might think of his arrival.
What are you talking about?
He's from Earth, you know that


Earth? No wonder it was hard for
me to detect her movements. She's
way out there. Are you certain?
100% certain
The prophecy makes more sense now.
It's all coming together now.
Which part though?
Where it says, "the foreign rider
will show us the way to victory."
Right. Because we always us to
think it was a Phoenixan from
another clan that the prophecy was
referring to.
      (to herself)
Could the prophet really be on
Ali arrived over Greg's house with a backpack on. Greg was
in his pajamas making sandwiches.
Say man, you watched the news this
morning or evening at all?
I caught a few stories during the
evening when it came on.


      (waiting on an
Anything interesting or cool?
      (eating sandwich)
Not really...just some freakish
bird people thought they saw....I
think its a hoax.
Uhm. Right.
      (eating sandwich)
Did you see it? What do you think
it is?
Ali took off the backpack and attempted to grab Ashira out,
but stopped.
What if I told you that, that
freakish bird in the sky last
night was real. Would you believe
      (finishing off
That's hard to say for me.
Everyone is entitled to their know
Ali takes a deep breath and finally pulls out Ashira as Greg
got a glass of water from the refrigerator. By the time he
turned around he saw Ashira in Ali's hand.
      (holding up Ashira)
What do you think of my opinion
Greg was in shock as he almost choked off his water.


Jeez! What is that?!
A bird's egg.
Whoa! It talks! Did you just hear
Sure did.
Sure did.
      (pointing rapidly)
What is that?! What is that?! What
is that?!
Shhh! Its the bird!
      (violent whisper)
You sure its not one of its eggs.
No! It's hard to explain, but I'm
sure it's the same thing.
You have to take that egg to a
zookeeper or something. You don't
even know what it is!
Excuse me! It!


She's not a it, she's a Phoenix
bird to be exact.
You have to do something. You got
to do something. Whatever it is,
it cant stay here.
Greg gently started pushing Ali toward the door with Ashira
in hand.
Whatever, okay! Brother, bro, best
friend, I love you. That cant stay
here. Good night.
Okay, I hear you, but...
      (shuts door in Ali
No buts, nighty night.
Stephene was dancing around in the living in a dress she
bought for her cruise.
Ali snickered at her as she twirled around in a funny
So, how's all going?
Greg's mom and I are leaving
together from here to meet the
other ladies at the airport.
Greg's mom should be here in a
hour, then we'll be on our way.


I take it you don't need help
Nope. Mama's good. All my things
are packed and loaded in the car.
And mom, Greg and I will be fine.
We'll make sure the house is in
good hands.
I hope so. I don't want any
There wont be. I promise.
Ali was talking with Ashira and could hear his mother just
getting up from her short nap.
A Phoenix huh? I always thought
that exist only in myth.
No sir, not me. I'm as real as
they come. Not to mention my two
other brothers, you'll meet them
soon. There use to be more of us.
What happen?
I rather not say. Sometimes I hate
thinking about it.


Sorry, well can I ask why your
here and not at home? I know you
want to see your brothers.
That's what I was about to get to.
There's something you and I have
to do together....
There were two familiar voices Ali could hear from
      (from downstairs)
Ali, Greg's here.
Ashira hold on one minute.
He shoved Ashira under his pillow and went downstairs.
Hey, just dont leave me here.
Greg was sitting on the sofa with his duffel bag in his lap.
Ali joined him while Ms. Morgan and his mother babbled
loudly in the dining room.
Did you do it?
No. I cant, I cant do it.
What? What do you mean you cant?


I just cant. I've grown too
attached to her. We have this
bond. Its....its crazy man. I just
cant get rid of her.
Greg looked at Ali in a disturbed frown.
Why are you looking at me like
A bond? Are you serious right now?
A bond?
Greg and Ali's mother were in the the car and they exchanged
hugs and kisses.
Okay fellas, we're off.
                       MS. MORGAN
We'll call you as soon as we get
on the ship.
Their mothers pulled off slowly, but surely.
No girls!
                       MS. MORGAN
And no parties!


      (shouting back)
Okay mom.
They sat on the porch, bored out of their minds for a bit.
What now?
Im thinking the park?
Lets do it. Let me get Ashira.
Oh come on! Would you forget about
that friggin egg for one minute.
Nope. Not on my watch.
They arrived at the park. Ali brought his backpack with
Ashira inside; he puts it on a nearby bench.
It was quite a few people there playing on the court and
families enjoying themselves.
Ali and Greg ended up just shooting around for fun.
      (thinking out loud)
Hope their having fun.
Are you kidding me? I hope my mom
doesn't come back.


Don't say that. Just be glad we
atleast have a break from them.
I hear you there.
After two hours of shooting around, they notice the clouds
It was only them at the park, everyone else seem to have
gone awhile ago.
      (looking at the
Was it suppose to rain tonight or
Your asking the wrong person.
Without an hint it began to sprinkle with a little thunder
and lightning scrambling about in the sky.
Lets go before it gets worse than
what it is.
Ali grabbed his backpack and it was glowing, which caught
both of their attention.
Dude whats with your bag?
Ali sat the backpack on the bench and took Ashira out. It
was Ashira's shell glowing.
Ashira, whats the matter. Your
freaking me out here with the


Um! Ali and Greg, you must go back
Yeah, like I'm really going to
listen to an egg.
But why?
No time to explain! Just go! Now!
Ali, lets get out of here, so your
bird brain friend can stop
Greg was attempting too lead to way and Ali followed behind
as he put Ashira back into the backpack.
Greg stopped dead in his tracks and Ali nearly bumped into
him, before he could figure out why he stopped.
They stared, frozen in their footsteps at a gargoyle.
Go! Go! Run!
They darted into the woods that was connected to the park.
Greg and Ali ran as fast as they could, but the creature was
tailing them and eventually lost it.
They stopped to catch their breath.
      (panting and
What was that?!


      (panting and
I should be asking you that! You
seen it first and didn't say
We have to keep moving. We cant
stay here.
What?! Why?! What was that?!
The gargoyle reappeared about 100ft behind them.
It charged at them with a disgusting growl as they stood
frozen once again, hearts pounding furiously, not knowing
what to do.
      (in a hurry)
Greg, grab hold of Ali.
He grabbed a fist full of Ali's shirt without ant back talk.
The gargoyle plunged in attack mode.
Before they knew it, they disappeared in a burst of flames
as their faces paused in terror.
Greg and Ali found themselves in the middle of what seemed
like nowhere; definitely not on Earth, but somewhere similar
because of the scenery.
They looked around in amazement, hearing various volumes of
tweets and squawks exchange across the sky.
Not too far from them was a massive palace, made of many
large boulders and stones. It was sky scrapper-tall,
touching the clouds itself.


Ali, take me out.
What? What is this place? Where
are we?
      (taking Ashira out)
Ashira, is this Yarona?
      (finally out)
Yes. Home sweet home.
No, no, no. I want to go back
Sorry. No can do. It'll be too
dangerous, plus I don't want havoc
ruining your planet. It reminds me
too much of home.
Speaking of havoc. What was that
thing chasing us?
Yes, the gargoyles. Our arch enemy
for many millenniums. I see they
haven't gave up. Let's move
further to the palace shall we.
They walked until they reached a stone bridge, which was
connected to the palace.


Before they can step foot on it, a gust of wind blew pass
their bodies nearly knocking them off their feet.
A giant snow white DOVE landed. It was just as big as a two
small vehicles, if not bigger.
Greg hid behind Ali like a frightened child.
Chosen one. We've waited so long
for your arrival. Welcome.
The Dove bowed in respects to Ali like a king.
Can I assist you and your friend
to the palace.
Ali noticed how close the bridge was leading to the palace.
No thank you. We can walk.
Is the chosen one sure of this?
Um, yes.
No problem. Hope the chosen one
has a good rest of the day.
Thank you.
Your welcome.
The Dove swooped away, flicking dust through the air, as Ali
guarded his face with his arm.
What was that all about? Jesus.
What is with you and these weird
current events all of a sudden?


There not weird. There signs.
Signs! If you haven't notice while
you were cramped up in that shell,
we were chased through the woods
by a freakish monster.
Yeah, and if it wasn't for me, you
guys wouldn't be here.
Greg she's right, okay. We really
have to thank her. We probably
would of been dead already.
I can't believe your siding with a
friggin' egg right now.
Call me an egg one more time and
I'll blow--
Ashira! Greg! Come on! Quit it!
Your friend started it.
Doesn't matter. Inside we go.
In the process of crossing the stone bridge, they could see
that the palace was surrounded by a overwhelming body of
water that circled around the palace.


They came face too face with a giant stone door. It was
giant beyond imagination, looking like a entrance way for a
Look at the markings on the door.
That's the Phoenixan language.
What does it all say?
I know what it says. This isn't
the first time I been here, you
Ashira began reading.
Emperor Jamariz welcomes you. You
may enter, only if your desire and
possess the power.
What does it mean by "the power?"
The power you and I share as one.
Place your hand on the door and
rub it from left to right one time
across the symbols.
The symbols on the door glowed and a few inches at a time,
the door opened outward.
They walked in slowly, but cautiously.


Jamariz rose up from his throne with his hood on. Face not
Your a little early aren't you? I
wasn't expecting you until a day
      (whispering in a
Bow your heads you two!
Ali and Greg bowed almost into a rush.
No need to bow, for I should be
bowing to you.
Ali looked toward Jamariz with a confused look on his face.
Jamariz walked from his throne to Ali, revealing his face
from the hood.
Greg again stood behind Ali frightened as Jamariz got closer
and closer.
      (inspecting Ashira)
You two have a very strong
Connection? What connection?
Yeah. The power you and Ashira
I dont understand.


I figure you were going to say
that. Follow me.
There was a circular wall made of stone, probably with a
perimeter of more than 200 feet filled with symbols that of
the palace door.
This is incredible.
This wall consists of writings,
drawings and thoughts.
Of who, if i may ask?
The Phoenixans' ancestors. It's a
praying ground for us, but I
brought you here for another
Jamariz walked over to a different section of the wall and
they follow behind him.
These ones look like drawings.
Not just drawings, but a story. A
story of a great foreign warrior,
that will come one day to our
This warrior must have a name


      (pointing to wall)
It is. See, that's Ashira and you
next to her. Then you riding on
her back.
No, that's highly impossible.
      (pointing at Ali)
It's you.
But why me? And how do you know if
this isn't anybody else? I mean,
there other Alis on Earth besides
True. Many Phoenixans waited
thousands of years for your
arrival. Some would give their
lives up just to shake your hand
right now. The connection doesn't
Nope. I don't believe it. Sorry,
but you have the wrong dude.
Its true. You have to believe
Even though Ali knew nothing of this world, he thought what
Jamariz was saying was somewhat true. He could feel the
connection he spoke of.
Well, that's the hardest part,
because I don't. okay Ashira let's
hit it...


I believe him.
You do?
Yes I do. I don't know how, but I
do. I can feel it.
Ali was outside his assigned wooden house, Greg and Ashira
were on the inside.
He stares at the moon just as he does on Earth, but he's
thinking about everything that has happened so far.
Not wanting to think about it too much, he walks over to a
section of the forest where three stone platforms stood out
the ground adjacent to one another.
Each platform had a different symbol, but one stoke out, for
it matches the burnt mark Ali had on his wrist.
Maybe it meant something important; he thought to himself as
he closely inspected it.
The mark started to glow and gave off that familiar warmth,
which he too felt in his chest.
Ali reacted in slight pain, he was use to it.
In the trees he spotted a jet black dragon. Wings of a bat
with a long neck and claws in modern length to its size.
Jumping off the dragon's back was Ty, who stood hidden
within the trees.
Ali, come here.


Ali seen that it was a gargoyle, but was comfortable enough
to know that it wasn't going to attack.
I have terrible news, you should
be aware of.
Wait, so, that was you chasing me
not too long ago.
Not me sir, it was a different
gargoyle. We're all not as mean as
you think we are.
He sure was in a desperate pursuit
of something.
You. They want you.
      (from the house)
      (getting closer)
Hey man!
      (jumping on dragon)
You and Ashira. They're coming.
You have to be prepared or you
wont make it.
Who? Who's coming?
In a hurry, Ty flew away into the darkness.


What are you doing over here? Your
egg is acting weird, you need to
come and check it out.
They raced to the house.
Ali looked toward the bed and saw that Ashira was glowing.
Ashira whats wrong? Why is your
shell glowing?
I'm ready to hatch.
Hatch? Now?
Oh God.
      (walking in)
Not now Ali. Its just a
Ali and Greg quickly took notice of her appearance.
      (gently grabbing
May I see her please?
      (walking out)
Follow me please.


Zamira took them over to the three platforms, where Ali was
She sat Ashira on the stone platform with the identical
symbol on Ali's wrist.
      (to herself)
Connection is strong.
Excuse me miss--
Um, Zamira. What exactly are
talking about?
The fire connection you two have
is out of the norm. It's nothing
like I ever seen.
Is that bad? Because someone said
the same thing.
You mean my mate Jamariz.
You mean your married?
I wouldn't say it like that. Its
more like queen and king.
Zamira puts her hand on Ali's shoulder and looked at him
with such warmth.
Ashira will be fine here, she
needs her sleep just as you do.
It's a big day tomorrow.


                       ZAMIRA (cont'd)
Especially for you and her.
De'Sah sits at his throne motionless, quiet, waiting and
A gargoyle guard walked in and kneels before De'Sah, but it
wasn't Ty.
You called my Lord.
Today is the ceremony and I need
you, since I cant count on no one
else really. There has been a
change of plans.
I thought the objective was to get
the boy and Ashira.
No. That wont do anything. We have
to hit them hard and bring them to
us, then get the boy and Ashira.
What did you have in mind?
Their deity.
Im sorry? What?
We get the feather. That should
get their blood boiling.
The gargoyle looked at De'Sah with nervousness in his eyes.


Yes sir.
Ali was awakened by this dream of fire, followed bya toga
being thrown on his chest.
He looked around and notice Greg was nowhere in sight.
Change, their waiting on you.
You'll see! Hurry!
In a hurry, Ali put his toga on and came outside for a big
Scattered across the ground, there was many Phoenixans.
Others hung out in the trees staring at him.
A sudden cheer burst out into the air, almost like they were
congratulating him. He looked at them speechless.
He spots Greg also in his toga.
I'm really not liking this dress
code here. It sucks.
Your telling me.
Greg and Ali walked toward the three stone platforms where
the other Phoenixans were at. Jamariz and Zamira were also
there, in which they turned spotting Ali and Greg.


Het, you finally made it.
      (noticing the
Very nice.
Two Doves touched down on the surface.
Meet the other Phoenixan riders.
ALICIA, a female Phoenixan, tall in appearance and petite,
hopped gently off the Dove with an egg in one hand.
IDREAS was a cocky Phoenixan, he to jumping off with an egg
in hand.
Alicia and Idreas waled toward Ali's direction.
This is Alicia and Idreas. They'll
be joining you in the hatching
      (greeting with a
       bear hug)
Heard a lot about you, welcome,
      (nodding head)


      (putting Ali down)
Sorry Ali and Emperor. I got a
little excited.
Alicia giggled at Idreas's overwhelming excitement.
      (taking the eggs)
I'll have those, thank you.
Zamira placed the eggs on the last two platforms
The hatching doesn't start for
await. Show Ali around.
Dont get lost.
Silence broke through the forest from a distant yelling.
Everyone seen a Phoenixan speed across the sky on a Dove and
landed hard.
Emperor...Queen. A gargoyle was
just spotted leaving Iris's grave
sight. It took the feather.
No, no, no! Please no!
I tried to go after it, but it put
up a fight.
There were a few out burst of cries and Phoenixans in awe.
Ali could feel the sadness in the atmosphere.


Even though they can't do anything
with it, we still have to get it
We just can't run to their
territory, they'll be expecting
that, plus we have to keep a
watchful eye out for Ali and
      (announcing to
Everyone carry on, the hatching
ceremony will still continue
Ali stood with a confused look on his face.
The gargoyle raced furiously to De'Sah's palace, he entered
panting and a bit bruised up.
De'Sah saw in his hand, the feather of Iris with the colors
of the rainbow.
From the throne, he stormed to the gargoyle guard.
Well, well, well. I knew I can
rely on someone.
De'Sah grabbed the feather from the gargoyle.
Such bright colors.
It wasn't easy to get. I had minor


      (looking at
I never said it was going to be
easy. I just needed somebody I can
count on. The only thing I need to
do now is unlock its power.
The only thing is, how?
Every Phoenixan played around, cracked jokes and ate fruit
native of their planet.
Ali sat with Greg, Alicia and Idreas. Greg was stuffing his
face with the fruit.
So, what happens after the
Basically, developing your element
and mastering it.
Its not just that. You need to
develop the spiritual bond. Its
not power that rules over
      (flexing muscles)
I can't tell.
Ali and Greg chuckled under their breath. Alicia shook her
head in disagreement.


Jamariz walked behind the platforms as the Phoenixans
gathered around.
Whats happening now?
      (grabbing Idreas
       and Ali's hand)
It's beginning. Come on.
Zamira followed behind them to join Jamariz. Ali, Alicia and
Idreas stood next to their assigned egg.
Welcome fellow Phoenixans from all
over and special guest. Today is a
blessed day. A day of amazement
and honor of our Phoenix riders
and the last ancient beast of
The Phoenixans started vibrating their tails in a waving
motion, making a rattling sound.
The moon shined bright in the night sky over the grounds of
the Guardian's Forest. The rattling was continuing as the
riders stood patiently.
Hatching first was Idreas Phoenix, BREEZI. Within the first
split of the egg, a gust of wind pushed toward the crowd, in
seconds revealing a Phoenix of white and grey plumage.
Hello everyone. Nice ti see you
again. You too Idreas.
Welcome! The wind Phoenix!
Next is Alicia's Phoenix, HYDRO. Ali could feel moisture in
the air that thickened.


A string of water shot from the crack of the egg, then
gently broke in half. A beautiful aqua blue Phoenix was in
focus,, shaking excess water from its plumage.
About time. I was packed in there.
What's going on everyone? Hey
Queen and Emperor.
Everyone! The water Phoenix!
Knowingly; Ali knew he was definitely next, but he didn't
know what to expect.
      (to himself)
Okay Ashira, lets make this
Ali stared at Ashira as he immediately felt the familiar
warmth in his chest and wrist intensify.
He began to see images of fire flash before his eyes, almost
like her was in a spiritual state. They didn't stop, they
came one after another.
Sweat ran down is face as he continued to be in his unusual
state of mind.
Ashira's shell cracked, then caught on fire in a matter of
minutes, followed by a high pitch screech.
Forming from the fire were wings, followed by the rest of
the body, also of fire, giving a image of a bird.
Finally turning into her normal form was Ashira in a firey
plumage of red, orange and yellow hues.
      (opening eyes)
Ali, nice to see you. Emperor,
Queen, it's a honest to be hear


Ashira looked over at her brother; Hydro and Breezi.
      (cheerful tone)
Ashira, your beautiful.
What do you expect? Im a lady.
Finally, last, but not least, The
fire Phoenix.
The crowd cheered wildly.
Zamira sits thinking, staring at the moon. Jamariz sits next
to her.
Don't worry about the feather,
we're getting it back soon. We're
have to stay under the radar for
We can't stay too low, there's no
telling what those savages are
trying to do to his feather.
They can't do too much...not
without Ali in the picture; well
atleast they dont know that.


What do you mean?
Did you ever wonder why Iris chose
this particular clan to hold the
feather in the first place?
Zamira looked at Jamariz for an answer.
You never stopped to think that he
knew Ali would arrive here? It's
more than just a coincidence.
He knows.
He knows.
      (to herself)
It's true then, it has to be.
How do you know all this gibberish
is true?
Because it is, but in my eyes
things are coming together.
Ashira was sleep in her nest on the floor until she
overheard Ali and Greg's conversation.


Before the drawings and your
birth, there have been stories if
your coming. Many Phoenixans
believe it, while other thing
Let's just say some Phoenixans
don't like the idea of a
non-Phoenixan being the "chosen
Oh, how conveient!
Yeah, that sucks.
Im only delivering you the truth.
Whatever, I'm going to bed.
Goodnight you two.
Night dude.
You should do the same, you need
the rest.
Right, training. The other
informed me of that already.
Yep. It's not that bad once you
get use to it.


Hope your right.
Goodnight Ali.
Why isn't it working?!
I dont know my Lord.
Your suppose to be the smart one!
I know my Lord, but--
Make it work!
I cant. I don't possess the
necessary skills to do so. I'm
      (in Ty's face)
These Phoenixan know something.
There was a short pause.
      (in Ty's face)
Wait. Its that kid, isn't it?
I would assume so.


Interesting, I wonder.
Ali was training harder than ever. He's much stronger and
knowledgeable of Yarona, also grown attached to Ashira at a
massive level and almost mastered the fire element.
Greg helped with his training as he threw small logs at Ali
and one by one Ali reduced them to fragments with fireball
after fireball. Wood chips flew everywhere.
Hey watch it fire bug. You gotta
be careful. This isn't a war zone
you know.
Oops! Sorry!
While Ashira was out and about, Alicia and Idreas arrived on
their Phoenixes.
      (getting off
Not bad.
You caught on quick for someone
who's not for here.
      (under breath)
I'm learning so much being here.
The outside reminds me of home.
Yeah, its alright.


I love it. Although it was more
beautiful than this. More
Phoenixes roamed the skies.
A horn sounds off; coming from the palace.
      (hopping on Breezi)
Uh-oh. Somethings up. Boss man
needs us.
As usual.
      (hopping on Hydro)
Beat you there, Ali.
Not if I cant help it.
Ali signals for Ashira with a whistle.
Ashira comes from out of nowhere, just as big as she was
when he first met her that day in his backyard. Ali and Greg
hopped on her back, swooping the ground and into the air.
Ali and Greg was just behind Idreas and Alicia, walking
through the entrance way.
Jamariz stood in front of his throne with a decent amount of
Phoenixans gathered around him, in which Ali and Greg joined
the crowd.
As we all know, the feather was
stolen by a intruder that we all
are familiar with. Our enemies for


                       JAMARIZ (cont'd)
many millenniums.
What do they plan to do with it?
I don't know, but De'Sah cant do
too much with it. I mean, we don't
even know what the feather's
capabilities are.
      (tightens fist)
We're not going to sit and let him
figure it out, are we Emperor?
I think not, that's why as of
today we go and get what's our. No
more waiting. We waited long
The Phoenixans cheers.
But, just remember to keep a
watchful eye out for each other.
Your coming, right Emperor?
Oh no. I'm much too old for
fighting. I had my days as a
But we're going to need your
strength and guidance.


      (pointing to Ali)
Not this time, you have more than
The crowd split and everyone saw he was talking about Ali.
Its a reason why he's here, he's
all you need. Believe me.
      (behind the crowd)
And don't forget me now. I want to
kick some gargoyle butt.
Lead the way my queen.
I guess this where we depart.
Only this time your leading. You
always wanted to. I'll keep watch
over the palace with the others. I
have enough backup to be
I hope so.
      (takes necklace
Ali. I want you to have this.
What is it?


My father gave this to me. Its for
whenever you want to call for
help. No matter where you are, you
will be heard.
Alright, thanks. We wont let you
I know you wont and good luck to
you all.
Jamariz flew away on his Dove, not looking back.
Zamira yelled an order in Phoenixan, leading the way. Ali,
Alicia, Idreas and including several other Phoenixans on
their Doves followed her in the skies.
De'Sah sits in his chair admiring the large, long colorful
      (staring at
This....this is the answer to all
our worries. The rainbow feather
of Iris; the Phoenix God.
Its a little too pretty for our
That maybe the case, but I seen
first hand of what Iris is capable
of doing. Just imagine what power
this single feather holds.
what about the power? Did you
unlock it yet?


The feather immediately rose from De'Sah's hand, glowing
with such beautiful light.
Did you do that?
No I didn't, but I know who
De'Sah, in a hurry, roared and within moments gargoyles
entered into his palace ready for battle.
We have a rider and a Phoenix to
capture, so don't mess this up.
Now go.
All the gargoyles roared and stormed out on their dragons.
Its dark and creepy as the moonlight shines lightly in the
atmosphere, only giving a little light on ground level. All
three Phoenixes and Doves were in the sky as the riders were
on ground patrol.
You think we can get a little
light or what?
Whats wrong? Scared?
I'm not scared, I just cant see.
Its obvious.
Of course. You're not native here.


We have our ways of seeing in the
dark. It doesn't bother us at all.
Dont worry Greg, I can fix it.
Ali formed a modernly luminous sized fireball above the palm
of his hand.
      (looking toward
Much better, Somebody's cares.
Hm, impressive.
Nothing like a little training,
you know.
Zamira continued to lead the way, stopping in her trees,
causing Greg to bump into one of the Phoenixans.
Jeez! Walk up, will you!
Shh. Wait. Stop here.
Zamira signal her hand to quiet everyone down. The Phoenixes
and Doves circled above them.
She points in the direction in front of her. There was a
small army of gargoyles and their dragons.
They all hid and kneel behind a bunch of trees and boulders.


Its not that many.
      (panic wildly)
Man, its too many! Do you see
that?! Im not going, Im not going!
Calm down, calm down. What's the
plan Zamira?
Well, it looks like their guarding
the outer skirts of De'Sah's
territory, which means they know
we were coming.
How do you know that?
Gargoyles don't guard unless they
are sure they're expecting
something or someone. We have to
sneak around them. Just follow my
      (to himself)
In this case, It'll be us.
Oh my God. We're going to die.
They slowly and quietly tried to make their way around the
gargoyles, but Greg messed around and tripped causing a bit
of a bump.
There was a small pause, but the gargoyles spotted them.
Everyone, run now!


Everyone ran as fast as they could, but it was too late.
They were surrounded by gargoyles and dragons.
Everyone was in defense mode, except for Greg, who stood
behind Ali.
Stand your ground everyone.
The gargoyles and dragon charged at them with force.
Coming just in time were the Phoenixes and the Doves. The
battle was on.
Idreas was more than ready.
Yes! Let's dance!
They all worked together; fighting off the beast, they were
tough, but they were putting up a good fight.
It seem more and more were coming as the elements of fire,
water and wind clashed everywhere.
      (tossing fireballs)
They wont stop coming. I don't
think I can hold them off.
Yes you can. Dont give up on me.
Ali was getting frustrated with every passing minute, these
gargoyles weren't giving up anytime soon.
His frustration and anger built up to a dangerous level. His
wrist and chest felt like they were on fire.
Within a blink of an eye, gargoyle after gargoyle was being
blown to ashes by his fireballs.
Everybody around him sensed the intensity from him and began
to worry, especially Ashira, who continued to battle
countless amounts of dragons.


Ali, your body cant handle all of
that. Be careful.
I'll be fine.
Some enough everyone stopped fighting, with all eyes on Ali,
looking like a human torch and the gargoyles stared, choked
with fear.
Before the gargoyles and dragons could escape, Ali released
a deadly shock wave of fire into the air destroying the
remainder of the gargoyles and dragons.
Ali collapsed from exhaustion. On the ground, he could hear
everyone crying out to him as their voices faded away.
They walked cautiously across De'Ssah's bridge, trying not
to look down at the body of water that was below them, which
surrounded the palace.
Ali was falling in and out of consciousness, while over
Zamira's shoulder.
An army of gargoyles on their dragons shot out from behind
the palace, all blocking the front of the palace including
the door.
The Phoenixes and Doves took action.
My queen, I'll clear the way. Get
Ali into the palace.


Ashira took fire form and swept the gargoyles and dragons
away from the door, allowing Zamira to get to the door.
The doors surprisingly opened and coming through them was
Lord De'Sah, which Zamira didn't expect at all. Her face was
in shock.
Well, well, well. The famous
prophet didn't make it huh? That's
too bad.
      (attacking De'Sah)
Give us the feather.
De'Sah tossed Idreas like a rag doll, halfway back to the
Idreas jumped back up, ran toward De'Sah shooting a massive
gust of wind from his hand.
De'Sah dodged it, giving Idreas a quick kick to the chest
that tossed him back to the middle of the bridge.
      (revealing feather)
You mean this feather? What are
you waiting for?
Zamira put Ali down as Alicia approached her, wanting to
help out and Idreas was getting up again ready to do so as
They went after the feather to the best of their abilities,
even though it was tough, they didn't give up.
Looking outside through one of the palace windows, Ty saw
the Dove dropping out the sky one by one; only the Phoenixes
were left. They fought the dragons to the death with help
from the Phoenixans that were left.
Zamira, Alicia and Idreas fought in exhaustion, they tried
to get the feather, but it was impossible.


In a sneak attack, Ty comes speeding behind De'Sah tackling
him, ripping the feather from his hand. De'Sah and Ty
crashes hard into the ground.
Ty and De'Sah began to scuffle over the feather.
      (scuffling and
Idiot! What are you doing?!
      (scuffling and
You dont deserve it! Its theirs!
      (scuffling and
Its mine and don't you forget you
belong to me to!
      (scuffling and
Not if I have anything to do with
it! You heartless monster!
The others noticed Ty was on the Phoenixan side and decided
to help him out.
In the mist of everything, Zamira ended up with the feather
as the other continued to hold him off. She then runs over
to Ali. He was still out of it.
Zamira forces the feather into Ali's hand, hoping for a
Ali found himself talking to a voice, but didn't know
exactly where he was at the moment.


So brave. You have it in you, I'll
give you that.
Have what?
What De'Sah is seeking of you?
Who are you and how do you know so
You know that feather?
Yeah, what of it?
I'm the rightful owner of
it...well was.
Ali was speechless.
Correct you are.
But aren't you dead?
That maybe the case, But that
doesn't stop me from connecting
with my people and you of course.
What do you want from me?


I don't want everything. What I
need is for you to believe that
your here for a reason. Believe
that you have a purpose out of
Iris appeared in his spirit form. He pecked Ali softly with
his beak on his forehead.
Please, dont let him win again.
Iris fades away.
Ali woke up with a sudden rush of energy flowing through his
veins, but it felt good to him.
Zamira admired his change, looking at him with a amused look
on her face.
Around his body was a vivid rainbow glow of fire. He hovered
above the bridge with confidence while everyone face was in
amusement; the fighting stopped.
De'Sah pushed everyone out of his way from who he was
scuffling with. He and Ali was now face to face. Ali still
had the feather in his hand, gripping it firmly.
Good. About time you woke up from
your little nap.
You need to leave these people
alone, you caused so much havoc.


Hm. I like you, you get straight
to the point, but under one
Me and you partner up and you show
me how to harness the feather's
Lets said not a chance. These
people are like family. I cant do
      (frown wildly)
Fine, if you want to play it that
De'Sah signal his gargoyles to attack Ali.
Ali brightened his glow, burning the gargoyles causing them
to flee.
This is the last time. Can you
promise me you'll leave these
people alone
Or what? You think that little
glow is going to scare me?
De'Sah makes a move.


Be scared of this...
Before his claw could connect to Ali, Ashira knocked his
hand away with a fireball.
Dont touch him.
Ashira your weak, you need to
I'll be okay Ali
      (looks at Ashira)
Rotten bird.
De'Sah makes his first move on Ali, with a sword he created
from dark energy, Ali dodged with the quickness.
He continued, but Ali dodged every attack, increasing
De'Sah's rage.
Their battle seemed to last forever as everybody else
watched as flashes of darkness and different colors of fire
scan back and forward across the sky.
He's fast.
Look at him, he's so bright.
I know.


      (to herself)
The prophecy is true: The chosen
one will posses powers resembling
Iris. Speed and colors of the
The Phoenixes and Doves flew to the other end of the bridge
where everyone else was.
Ali and De'Sah stopped. De'Sah is panting hard.
This is ridiculous. Its
impossible. How are you moving
this fast?
Its over. Give up now, I'll be
nice enough to spare you.
No, we're not done yet.
What? Your drained, there's no use
to moving on.
Its not over until I say so.
De'Sah takes a desperate charge at Ali.
As De'Sah raised his sword, the feather in Ali's hand turned
to a sword, clear in appearance, but flashed with different
Before you knew it, De'Sah took a stab to the gut.


Their eyes leered at each other as they held their current
No. Your just a kid....just a kid.
Light rules everything.
De'Sah's body melted into the wind into a black powder
Ali looked over levitating in the air at his friends with a
smirk of accomplishment on his face.
Its over. Let's go home.
Alright Ali.
Suddenly Ali felt a blow of wind behind him as he tried to
move toward his friends.
Behind you!
Again it was De'Sah in the form of the black, powdery
substance, but only to see him in the shape of a giant bat
with red eyes.
Leaving so soon. It was getting
De'Sah smacked Ali out the way with his wing, but Ashira
caught him.
I got you.
How is he still alive?


I don't know. Somehow he's able to
survive in his lowest stage.
I hate you pesty birds. I wish you
all would die.
De'Sah shot a large beam of dark energy at Ashira. Ashira
changed to her element form and shoots a flamethrower of
fire, as Ali did to.
Hang in there Ali, I got your
Right behind you boss.
Breezi and Idreas helped out with their powerful gusts of
wind, pushing De'Sah's beam toward his direction.
It wasn't enough, he pushes with his beam even harder.
Its no use. Give up. Just hand
over the feather.
Don't give up guys. Keep at it.
Let's give them a boost Hydro.
Alicia and Hydro joined in with their large pressurized
pumps of water.
He pushes his beam to a point where the riders, Ali and even
the Phoenixes started to strain.
Greg and the Phoenixans looked up at them in hopes of a
successful outcome.


Ali felt he was too strong and continued to strain. inn the
mist of the battle he heard Iris in his head.
Don't let him win, use what I gave
Ali could feel a boost of energy generating in his body to
the sword.
Ashira and Ali's fire was growing larger and started to
change in a array of colors.
De'Sah began to get smothered with his own energy. including
the other forms of energy being thrown at him.
      (voice fading)
What?! No! No!
All together they overpowered De'Sah's beam and
disintegrated him with all their powers combined into one.
A sudden scream echoed in the sky, finally putting Lord
De'Sah to rest.
There was a short moment of silence.
Ali exhaled deeply and fainted,, falling in mid-air. Ashira
caught him with her back.
Ali was in the bed, he could here a voice fading in and out
as he seeks consciousness.
Ali, Ali. Man you okay?
He opened his eyes to a blur, but seconds later his vision
cleared up completely.
Are you with me?


Ali shook his head.
Dude, you were out of there. I
thought you'll never get up.
How long was I out for?
Almost twelve hours, right after
you and the others blew ugly away.
      (thinking out loud)
You have enough energy to get up?
Yep, thank God.
Come one. I want to show you
Walking outside there was probably every Phoenixan
imaginable. There was hollers and roars echoing . Phoenixes
and Doves flew around and screeched in joy.
They met up with Jamariz, who was at the end of the stairs
There was silence.
I want to thank you for
everything. No one has ever done
what you have done today. The
nightmare is over. I commend you
for your glorious efforts and


                       JAMARIZ (cont'd)
Thank you, thank you so much.
      (refers to Ali
I see you met Iris.
      (touching forehand)
      (revealing feather)
Speaking of which, this belongs to
Ali attempts to take it.
I cant take that.
No, I insist. You deserve it, you
know the power better than anyone
here. Protect it and us it well,
for he is watching.
      (taking feather)
They shook hands as the crowd celebrated in excitement. Ali
sees his fellow Phoenixans waving and hollering with the
Ashira sits on the ledge of the balcony and Ali stands next
to her.


Ashira, you know what I was
Spill it.
The reason for Iris picking me. I
mean, honestly, I feel lucky.
Well, as long as I can remember;
he was always full of faith. He
never thought negatively about any
situation, no matter the
Do you think it more than me
being, you know, "the one?"
He only knows the answer to that
question. Eventually you will find
out way before I will.
You think so?
I know so, but enough with that,
lets go somewhere.
Why not? I need the fresh air.
Ali attempted to get on Ashira's back, but she flies away
leaving him.
Not on me, you can fly now,


Oh, is that how you want to do
Ali jets off behind Ashira into the sunset.


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From vito jennette Date 1/5/2011 ****
Really, really powerful story. I don't think I found any mistakes, and your handle on the format is awesome. Getting this script done in a brisk 72 pages is quite a feat, and you didn't leave much out. I feel like this would have been some thing I would have read in middle school, and I don't think you left anything out. Great adaptation. Very good script that could really be a great concept to film! A director would have a blast with this very imaginative story.

From Matt Taylor Date 1/5/2011 **
Hello Greg. First off, nice original story. Very pretty imagery, and the way you describe the characters I can see them in my head. Nice descriptions. Overall, not a bad screenplay. There were a lot of grammar issues I did notice and it made it a little difficult to read, and I had to re-read a little to make sure I understood. I personally felt the way the beings from other worlds spoke to each other a little too much like Earths. Kind of took me out of the idea they were on another world. Also the climax was really confusing. I did like the way Ali matures through the piece and the way you developed the characters. Overall, not bad. I wish you the best. If you have time, please feel free to review my piece, "The White House." Good luck.

From Christopher Date 1/3/2011 **1/2
I wanted to like it, I really did. But there are a lot of grammar errors, and it's too short for a script. It's a good start, but I'd work on it a bit to make it better.

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