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Learning Them Right
by Brandon & Gerald Young (young1bd@gmail.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED

This is our original sitcom pilot.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



LEARNING THEM RIGHT

FADE IN:

INT. COLD OPEN - OUTSIDE OF PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Two Caucasian men in their early 30s (MIKE and ROB) are
shown. Both are dressed in shirt and tie with nice pants and
shoes. Mike is clean cut, wholesome, handsome, but exudes
an aura of shyness. Rob is moderately overweight, rough
around the edges, crass, but carries a cocksure attitude.
His appearance and outfit are not ironed, while Mike's are.
They're waiting outside for the principal to meet Mike.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Thanks for getting me this
substitute teaching gig, brutha.
                                                            
                       ROB
No problem. And, why do you
insist on still saying "brutha"
like Desmond from Lost?
                                                            
                       MIKE
Whatever. You're the one that's
convinced the island is Jack
waking up from a dream inside of a
snow globe after he shot the
mirror. You can't just combine
three classic television endings.
                                                            
                       ROB
How's that stand-up comedy career
coming along anyway?
                                                            
                       MIKE
About as well as that ketchup
stain on your shirt.
                                                            
Rob looks down and Mike then flips his finger up flicking
Rob's nose.
                                                            
                       ROB
Going old school on that one.
Touché, brutha.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT I - HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
An attractive, African-American, youthful-looking, 60-65
year-old woman (PRINCIPAL CARVER) walks out of her spacious
office. She is witty with a spunky attitude. Mike and Rob

2.

acknowledge her presence. The three of them begin heading to
Mike's new classroom, which is at the end of the hall.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
Michael, I hope you enjoy your
tenure here at Thomas Jefferson
Middle School.
                                                            
                       MIKE
I hope so, too, Principal Carver.
And, please, call me Mike. I bet
I'll love it here. However; Rob
did mention that it can be a
little rough to learn them right.
                                                            
Mike looks directly into the camera and smiles a cheesy grin
to "break down the fourth wall,": as he's just said part of
the show title. He then shakes his head "no" to acknowledge
that this little trick has been done countless times on
shows already.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
Rob has had some challenges in the
past, but the past is called the
past for a reason. Even if Rob
isn't bright enough to learn from
it. Oh, and please, call me
Sandra.
                                                            
                       MIKE
I will do, Sandra.
                                                            
                       ROB
Sandy is right, Mikey. It has
been pretty challenging thus far.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
Rob, you still call me Principal
Carver!
                                                            
                       ROB
Yes, Principal Carver.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
Mike, just remember, these kids
are used to Mrs. Sweet, so don't
let them push you around.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Aren't they just sixth graders?
I'm like a giant to them.
                                                            

3.

                       SANDRA
These children are little devils.
                                                            
                       MIKE
It can't be that bad. Can it?
                                                            
                       SANDRA
Do you remember when you were in
sixth grade?
                                                            
                       MIKE
Of course. When I was in sixth
grade I did what I wanted. I know
all about being a little devil;
passing crazily-folded notes
around, tight-rolling my jeans,
seeing how far I could jump off
the swings. I was quite the
little hoodlum.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
Um, yeah, you sound wild. Look,
I'm not going to sugar coat
things, Mike; they are a tough
bunch to keep track of.
                                                            
                       ROB
Why do you think Nancy Sweet is in
the hospital? They made things
really sour for her. They gave her
a nervous breakdown causing her to
lose it. She tried to kick the
wall down. She ended up with a
broken leg.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
That's still Mrs. Sweet to you,
Rob.
                                                            
                       ROB
Yes, Sandy. Principal Sandy. I
mean, Principal Carver.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Rob, I thought you said she had
walking pneumonia. Only you
referred to it as a running
pneumonia.
                                                            

4.

                       SANDRA
Rule one: "There are children in
this school smarter than Rob.
Never listen to him." Didn't you
go to college with him?
                                                            
                       MIKE
Yeah, rule one then was "Don't be
roommates with Rob."
                                                            
The three finally make it to Mike's classroom.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
Mike, you'll be fine. Rob,
shouldn't you be in your classroom
right now?
                                                            
                       ROB
Well, there's a lot of things I
shouldn't be doing in my life.
Yet, here I am at T.J.M.S.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
Easy, wiseacre. Just for that I'm
giving you detention for the week.
                                                            
                       ROB
Ah, come on! I just had it 2 weeks
ago!
                                                            
                       SANDRA
Care to make it the next two as
well?
                                                            
                       ROB
Nah, I've seen The Breakfast Club.
I know how this goes. I'm good.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
I wouldn't say good. Barely
adequate is more like it. You will
be there!
                                                            
Sandra turns to walk away while humming "Don't You (Forget
About Me)." Rob looks at Mike and shakes his head. A
beautiful 30 year-old female (MADELINE "MADDY" STALLWORTH)
hurriedly walks past the two to a classroom across from
Mike's. Maddy is stunningly gorgeous, care-free, and appears
to be part Hispanic and part Caucasian. Mike's face shows
that he is smitten.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Who is that?
                                                            

5.

                       ROB
That is Madeline Stallworth, but
feel free to call her Maddy.
Actually, don't bother calling her
because I have dibs.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Don't you still have dibs on my
sophomore year girlfriend,
Darlene?
                                                            
                       ROB
I also had dibs on that last piece
of pizza we had in the fridge our
Junior year, but that didn't stop
you. I even put a note on it,
calling it.
                                                            
                       MIKE
You literally wrote, "Calling it."
I took that to mean you were
calling that thing you were
dating, that you thought you were
keeping secret from us.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (covers face in
       shame)
You saw her?
                                                            
                       MIKE
How could I not? She was the
biggest thing on campus.
                                                            
                       ROB
The past is called the past for a
reason, Big Mike. Break a
leg...but not like Mrs. Sweet did.
                                                            
                       MIKE
      (shaking his head)
Whatever.
                                                            
Mike opens the door to his classroom and walks in.
                                                            
 
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
                                                            
There is a rustling inside the classroom that is filled with
middle-schoolers. As the door opens, the children begin to
settle down awaiting who will enter inside. The door opens
with the new teacher walking in alone with an excited smile

6.

on his face. Mike heads over to the whiteboard and begins
writing "Mr. Young" on the board.
                                                            
                       MIKE
      (addressing the
       class)
Hey, class, as you can tell, I am
not Mrs. Sweet. Though it would
probably be pretty awkward if I
were.
                                                            
An overweight, unkempt, Caucasian child (BEAR) in the back
row wearing a brown shirt raises his hand. Bear is one of
the least educated children in the class.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Yes, back row, brown shirt wearing
kid?
                                                            
                       BEAR
Why would that be awkward, mister?
                                                            
                       MIKE
I'll explain that to you in about
seven years. My name is Mr.
Young, but you can call me Mr.
Young.
                                                            
A pretty, blonde Caucasian girl (KASSY) in the middle of the
class raises her hand in an attempt to gain Mr. Young's
attention. Kassy is the class clown and she loves
attention.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Yes, girl with her hand up?
                                                            
                       KASSY
Mr. Young, my name is Kassy Smith
and I was wondering if you had a
girlfriend?
                                                            
A couple of girls sitting next to Kassy giggle at her
question. Mike has a blank look on his face.
                                                            
                       MIKE
I am currently single at the
moment. Now that that is out of
the way, are there any questions
that are pertinent to US History?
                                                            
A nerdy-looking Asian boy with glasses (NORMAN) in the front
row raises his hand. Mike calls on him. Norman is far and
away the brightest child in the class and he knows it.
                                                            

7.

                       MIKE
You in the front? Tell me your
name first, please.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Norman Fillmore, sir.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Okay, Norman?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Mr. Old, you'll have to forgive
Kassy, she's sort of the class
clown of the group.
                                                            
Kassy objects.
                                                            
                       KASSY
Shut up, Dorkman!!!
                                                            
Norman turns his attention to Kassy in retaliation.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
You shut up, Crabby Kassy!
                                                            
Kassy sticks her tongue out at Norman.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Children, please behave. Norman,
my name is Mr. Young. And don't
think you're the first person to
ever call me Mr. Old.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
I'm sorry, Mr. Mid-Life Crisis.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Okay, I'm giving you originality
points on that one. Are there any
other questions before I get this
class started?
                                                            
Bear raises his hand again.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Yes, kid in the back with the
brown shirt again...What is your
name?
                                                            
                       BEAR
My name is Bear, sir.
                                                            

8.

                       MIKE
Bear?
                                                            
Kassy interjects.
                                                            
                       KASSY
That's because he's fat and he
sleeps a lot.
                                                            
The class giggles as Bear defends himself.
                                                            
                       BEAR
Shut your yapper, Kassy! No, Mr.
Young, my real name is Brian
Johnson, Jr. My parents' favorite
show was BJ and the Bear. He
always called me Bear, and my mom,
BJ.
                                                            
                       MIKE
      (nervously)
Uh, thank you for elaborating,
Bear.
                                                            
                       BEAR
You're welcome, Mr. Young.
                                                            
                       MIKE
So what's your question?
                                                            
                       BEAR
You see, on Fridays at the end of
each month, Mrs. Sweet used to
bring in goodies, like chocolate,
chips and cookies. Sometimes even
chocolate chip cookies. Will you
be doing the same?
                                                            
                       MIKE
I'm going to have to look into
that.
                                                            
                       BEAR
      (disheartened)
Okay, sir.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Does anyone know where Mrs. Sweet
left off so we can finally get
started with class?
                                                            
Kassy raises her hand.
                                                            

9.

                       MIKE
Yes, Kassy? Would you like to
tell us where she left off?
                                                            
                       KASSY
No. (Pause) Mrs. Sweet told my
mom that you and Mr. Cook were
college buddies and he's helping
you out by getting you this
substitute teacher position. Is
that true?
                                                            
                       MIKE
I would like to think my years of
dedication to our education system
is what got me the job, but I
guess Rob...I mean Mr. Cook, did
have a little bit to do with it.
                                                            
                       KASSY
I asked Mr. Cook about it and he
said you were a failed comedian
who wasn't funny at all and that's
why you're here now.
                                                            
                       MIKE
That's really funny coming from a
guy with his last name.
                                                            
                       KASSY
Yeah, he said that. He then told
us to get you to tell us a joke so
we can see for ourselves. Mr.
Young, could you please tell us a
joke?
                                                            
The other students assist in egging Mike on to tell them a
joke. Mike finally gives in.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Okay, okay, just settle down. I'll
tell you one joke and that's it. I
find a lot of things odd in this
world. There are some numbers
that I find odd, like one, three,
five, seven and nine.
                                                            
The classroom goes dead silent as they all look at each
other. Mike tries to explain the joke.
                                                            
                       MIKE
You see, one, three, five, seven
and nine are all odd numbers. Get
it? I find things odd like those
            (MORE)

10.

                       MIKE (cont'd)
odd numbers? You see, it's a play
on...
                                                            
Norman interrupts before Mike can finish explaining his
joke.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Oh, we got it, Mr. Over-the-Hill.
It just wasn't that funny. I
guess Mr. Cook was speaking the
truth.
                                                            
There is an awkward silence before Bear raises his hand yet
again.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Bear?
                                                            
                       BEAR
May I go use the bathroom?
                                                            
                       MIKE
Sure.
                                                            
Mike sees a giant wood block that has "HALL PASS" engraved
on it. He hands the pass to Bear. Bear exits the
classroom. Upon the door closing, Kassy speaks out about
Bear.
                                                            
                       KASSY
You know he's just going to his
locker to eat some junk food he
has crammed in there.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
His mom doesn't let him eat those
things, Kassy. She gives him
apples.
                                                            
                       KASSY
He just bullies the fifth graders
for their snacks. It's a
well-known fact, Noron. He had so
many snack cakes last week that
7-11 asked him to open a franchise
within the school.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Alright, that's enough. I'm sure
he just went to use the restroom.
                                                            

11.

There is a knock on the door and then it opens. Maddy comes
in with a smile on her face. She has Bear with her. Bear
has cream from a snack cake smeared all over his face. Bear
is embarrassed while Mike is shocked and a little
embarrassed himself as he doesn't know what to say to Maddy.
                                                            
                       MADDY
I believe this one belongs to you.
                                                            
                       MIKE
      (dumbfounded)
I...uh...well...uhh...Thanks.
                                                            
                       MADDY
No problem. Next time, make sure
they really have to go before you
just go throwing out your hall
passes.
                                                            
                       MIKE
I'll be sure to...uh...do that.
                                                            
Maddy sets the hall pass down on Mike's desk as Bear
embarrassingly stumbles back to his desk, wiping the cream
off his face with his shirt sleeve. Maddy gives Mike a
"look" and a smile as she exits his classroom.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Bear, I thought you said you had
to go to the bathroom?
                                                            
                       BEAR
Oh yeah, that's where I was going
until I suddenly got your joke
right around the same time I was
passing my locker. I wanted to
share your joke with the snack
cake I had in there. He didn't
think it was too funny so I
defended your honor by eating him.
                                                            
                       MIKE
So you're a regular hero?
                                                            
                       BEAR
I guess I am. Glad you could see
it that way.
                                                            
                       KASSY
Bear, you're probably thinking
about a hero sandwich right now,
aren't you?
                                                            

12.

                       BEAR
Keep your mouth shut, Blabby
Kassy.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Yeah, Kassy!
                                                            
                       KASSY
Don't tell me what to do, Boreman!
                                                            
Kassy, Norman and Bear start bickering intensely. The rest
of the class follows suit and erupts in noise. A confused
and bewildered Mike doesn't know what to do so he just
stands straight and looks out the window and sees an
American flag waving on top of its pole. He then stands
straight and starts saying the "Pledge of Allegiance" to
himself loudly. Soon other children catch on and do
likewise until all of the children are reciting the pledge.
Upon finishing, Mike turns his attention back to the class.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Once again, my name is Mr. Young
and I'm here to teach you a little
about the history of the United
States of America.
                                                            
 
INT. TEACHERS' LOUNGE - DAY
                                                            
Mike is pouring himself a cup of coffee in the teachers'
lounge as Maddy walks by to pour a cup as well. Mike pours
it for her.
                                                            
                       MADDY
Thank you. So I see they stuck you
with the hellions of the school?
Did you fair well?
                                                            
                       MIKE
Aside from the locker incident, I
don't think I did too poorly. I'm
Mike, by the way.
                                                            
Mike extends his hand as Maddy accepts and extends her hand
in return.
                                                            
                       MADDY
Hello, Mike By The Way, I'm
Madeline Stallworth, but everyone
calls me Maddy.
                                                            

13.

                       MIKE
Hi, Madeline Stallworth, But
Everyone Calls Me Maddy.
                                                            
                       MADDY
Rob told me you used to be a
comedian. Why'd you give up on
your dream? I'm gonna wager it's
because you steal jokes.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Ouch! No, I only steal jokes to
flirt with the beautiful teacher
of the school. Comedy wasn't
paying the bills.
                                                            
                       MADDY
      (sarcastically)
So you decided to become a
substitute teacher and use
terrible pickup lines?
                                                            
                       MIKE
      (flushed)
Yeah, I probably should have stuck
with comedy.
                                                            
                       MADDY
Rob says you perform occasionally
at The Slide. Let me know the
next time you perform. I may just
have to come by and check you out.
                                                            
                       MIKE
I'll probably be there tonight for
their open mic night to try out
some new material. You just may
have to come by.
                                                            
                       MADDY
Tonight? Sorry, but I think I
have some papers to grade.
                                                            
                       MIKE
I see.
                                                            
                       MADDY
I'll take a rain check though.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Sounds good. I'll have to learn
how to make it rain on you then.
Wait, that came out wrong.
                                                            

14.

                       MADDY
Now I see why you gave up on big
time comedy. I'll see you around,
Mike By The Way.
                                                            
                       MIKE
See you later, Madeline
Stallworth, But Everyone Calls Me
Maddy.
                                                            
Maddy exits as Rob and an elderly, pint-sized, out-spoken,
African-American teacher (ART) enters to a downtrodden Mike.
Art and Rob grab their lunches and bring them to a table in
the break room. Mike does likewise and takes a seat, shaking
off what he thinks was a blown shot with Maddy.
                                                            
                       ART
So you're the new Mrs. Sweet, huh?
                                                            
                       MIKE
It appears that way.
                                                            
                       ART
      (laughing to
       himself)
I wouldn't get too comfortable.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Pardon?
                                                            
                       ROB
Relax, it's just Art. Let me
introduce you two. Mike, this is
George Jefferson. George
Jefferson, this is Mike.
                                                            
Art and Mike shake hands.
                                                            
                       ART
Arthur Jones; nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       ROB
Art's been teaching here, for
what, 100 years now? He also runs
some dry cleaners on the side.
                                                            
                       ART
I hate you, Rob. It's only been
39 years.
                                                            
                       MIKE
39 years? Wow, that's really
impressive.
                                                            

15.

                       ROB
No kidding. I mean 39 years ago,
they just invented the wheel.
Retire already, would you?
                                                            
Rob holds his sandwich up and takes a bite.
                                                            
                       ART
I'll retire when you start
learning how to eat right.
                                                            
Art points at Rob's shirt.
                                                            
                       ART
You've got some mustard on your
tie.
                                                            
Rob looks down. Art flicks Rob's nose a la Mike in the cold
open.
                                                            
                       ROB
You got me this time, George
Jefferson. Next time, Gadget!
I'll get you next time!
                                                            
                       ART
Just finish your sandwich. I have
some kids that need someone to
learn them right.
                                                            
Art looks directly into the camera, "breaking down the
fourth wall" himself, giving the audience a nice smirk.
                                                            
                       ART
Obviously, you couldn't do the
job, so they need me to finish up.
                                                            
                       ROB
This is normally where I'd say
something about your wife, but I
never thought Weezie was all that
hot.
                                                            
Art gets up from his seat.
                                                            
                       ART
Since it's time to get movin' on
up I'll let that slide. It was
nice meeting you, new guy.
                                                            
                       MIKE
It was nice meeting you, too? I
think?
                                                            

16.

Art exits the teachers' lounge.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Pretty strange guy, but I like his
style.
                                                            
                       ROB
He's pretty gruff on the outside,
but he's really a good guy inside.
He's always buying kids lunches
and things like that.
                                                            
                       MIKE
He doesn't own a bicycle shop and
like to take pictures does he?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (spoken fast like
       Arnold Drummond)
Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Mike?
                                                            
                       MIKE
Anyway, who would eat a lunch
giving to them by that guy?
                                                            
                       ROB
Everyday the children eat lunches
giving to them by the lunch lady.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Valid point, my friend.
                                                            
 
INT. ACT II - CLASSROOM - DAY
                                                            
Mike is standing in front of his class talking about US
History.
                                                            
                       MIKE
It seems that you were last
talking about Abraham Lincoln.
Norman, can you tell me what year
Lincoln became president?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
That's easy, Mr. Young. Abraham
Lincoln became the 16th president
of the United States of America in
1861.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Did you just call me "Mr. Young?"
                                                            

17.

                       KASSY
Should he have called you Mrs.
Young?
                                                            
The class erupts in laughter.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
No, I was actually referring to
Mr. Carl Jung, the Swiss
psychiatrist that founded
analytical psychology.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Um, thanks? Now, is it a
coincidence that Lincoln's
secretary was named Kennedy and
Kennedy's secretary was named
Lincoln? Maybe? But probably the
scariest coincidence between the
two is that the names of both
assassins each have 15 letters in
them. John Wilkes Booth and Lee
Harvey Oswald.
                                                            
Norman raises his hand.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Yes, Norman?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Kassy Megan Smith has 15 letters
in it, too.
                                                            
                       KASSY
Shut up, Snoreman!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
I'm just stating the facts.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Back to Lincoln. Does it confuse
anyone else that President's Day
is mostly known for furniture
sales? I think Lincoln once said,
"Not only have I freed the slaves,
but I've also freed your wallets!
No payments and no interest until
1865!"
                                                            
The class once again stares unamused and befuddled.
                                                            

18.

                       BEAR
Mr. Young, are you trying new
material on us?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Lincoln didn't say that, but he
did say, "Four score and seven
years ago..." Four score is
eighty years, as a score is twenty
years. Four times twenty is
eighty.
                                                            
                       KASSY
Know it all.
                                                            
                       MIKE
There is nothing wrong with having
knowledge. Kassy, what major event
happened during Lincoln's
presidency?
                                                            
                       KASSY
Mr. Jones was born?
                                                            
The children all giggle.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Though you may actually be right
on that, that isn't what I am
looking for. Bear, do you know?
                                                            
Bear is licking something off his hands and not really
paying attention.
                                                            
                       BEAR
Huh? Oh, I was born in 1999.
                                                            
                       MIKE
No, Bear. I asked what major
event happened during Abraham
Lincoln's presidency?
                                                            
                       BEAR
Was the Twinkie invented?
                                                            
The children giggle again in unison.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Actually, the Twinkie was invented
in 1930. The answer I was looking
for was the Civil War. The Civil
War was fought between the
northern states and the southern
states over the right to abolish
            (MORE)

19.

                       MIKE (cont'd)
slavery.
                                                            
                       BEAR
If it was called the "Civil" War
then why were they fighting?
                                                            
                       MIKE
Aha! That's what I want you to
tell me.
                                                            
Mike looks up at the clock and notices the bell will be
ringing shortly. The class notices as well and begin
gathering their belongings in an effort to exit the
classroom as quickly as possible.
                                                            
                       MIKE
For tomorrow, I want you all to
write a one-page paper explaining
why the Civil War was fought.
                                                            
Upon finishing his sentence, the bell rings. The students
all jump out of their seats and exit the room.
                                                            
                       MIKE
I'll see you all tomorrow. And
don't forget to turn in that...
                                                            
All the kids have left.
                                                            
                       MIKE
...paper.
                                                            
 
INT. THE SLIDE - NIGHT
                                                            
Mike and Rob take a seat at the bar. A large, burly
Hispanic man (BARTENDER) working behind the bar is cleaning
a glass when he walks up to the guys to take their order.
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
What'll it be, fellas?
                                                            
                       ROB
I'll take a brew.
                                                            
                       MIKE
And I'll have a rum and cola minus
the rum.
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
One beer and one cola coming up.
                                                            

20.

The bartender prepares their drinks.
                                                            
                       ROB
I never understood why you didn't
drink.
                                                            
                       MIKE
I'm allergic to alcohol.
                                                            
                       ROB
Allergic?
                                                            
                       MIKE
Yeah, it makes me dizzy and ill
the next morning.
                                                            
A guy is on the stage and is overheard telling a joke. Rob
shakes his head and starts talking to Mike again.
                                                            
                       ROB
The only thing I'm allergic to is
some of the guys that get up on
that stage. I'm pretty sure I
heard that joke on the Cosby Show
back in 1988.
                                                            
                       MIKE
He was kind of jamming on the one
up there.
                                                            
The bartender comes back with two drinks in his hand. He
gives them to the guys.
                                                            
                       BARTENDER
That'll be $7.50.
                                                            
                       ROB
Mike, pay the man.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Aren't you the full-time teacher
and I the substitute?
                                                            
                       ROB
Well, I need you to substitute me
paying for this beer with you
paying for this beer. Besides, I
need money for a date I'm sure to
have next weekend.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Big girl from Junior year back in
town?
                                                            

21.

                       ROB
You should save that one for when
you go on stage.
                                                            
The bartender puts his hands on his hips waiting for someone
to fork over some money. Mike takes notice and reaches for
his wallet. He pulls out some money and hands it to the
bartender.
                                                            
                       MIKE
Keep the change.
                                                            
The bartender nods his head and steps away from Mike and
Rob.
                                                            
                       MIKE
So, you told the kids I was
unfunny, huh?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (quickly changing
       the subject)
Hey, how about that Maddy? She and
I dated a few times, but I'm kind
of over her. You know, that whole
dating in the work place thing?
It's not all it's cracked up to
be.
                                                            
                       MIKE
      (sarcastically)
Right.
                                                            
                       ROB
How about you? Are you ready to
get back on that horse again?
                                                            
                       MIKE
It's been a few years since Erin
and I broke up and I think I'm
ready to test the waters. So
what's your take on her?
                                                            
                       ROB
I mean, Erin was alright and all.
Oh, you mean Maddy? Dude, she's
hot!
                                                            
                       MIKE
I know that. I also know that by
the end of this school year, Miss
Madeline Stallworth will have gone
on one date with me.
                                                            

22.

                       ROB
Try not to sound that creepy on
the stage, man. I think you're up
next.
                                                            
The emcee comes on stage to introduce Mike to the mic.
                                                            
                       EMCEE
It's been awhile since our next
open-micer has slid down the
Slide. He has come back home to
bless us with his presence. Please
welcome back, Mike Young!
                                                            
                       ROB
Break another leg, Mike.
                                                            
                       MIKE
You got it, brutha.
                                                            
Mike gets out of his seat and makes his way to the stage.
                                                            
                       MIKE
I find a lot of things odd in this
world. There are some numbers
that I find odd...
                                                            
 
INT. TAG - LOCKERS - DAY
                                                            
Bear is alone in the hallway next to his locker. He looks
around to make sure there is no one around him. He opens
his locker to find it stuffed completely with all different
kinds of snack cakes. Bear looks around again and then back
into his locker, throws his hands up in victory.
                                                            
                       BEAR
Oh, sweet Heaven!
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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