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The Adventures Of Omar Jones
by Rod Glover (rodnee5566@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED



This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



THE ADVENTURES OF OMAR JONES

FADE IN:

INT. THE WAKE UP - DAY
                                                            
BUSY OFFICE AT 9AM EVERYONE IS RUNNING AROUND AT A HECTIC
PACE A LOUD VOICE IS HEARD OVER ALL THE CHATTER, COFFEE
DRINKING AND BAGEL EATING.
                                                            
                       AL
Omar I need for you to wrap that
shit up in 2 seconds!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Uh maybe if the backend would help
out and stop eating all the god
damn food and answer an email I
COULD GET OFF THE PHONE!
                                                            
Pan over to Omar standing by window looking outside at
traffic below.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Sorry about that Hi my name is
Omar. Thats me over there working
my ass off for slave wages. Look
at me answering call after call
,supporting a bunch of slobs that
make twice as much as I do. How
did all this begin? Shit I don't
know but what I will give you is a
glimse into a couple of days of my
life while I hunt for a engagement
ring for my dearest Fancy.
                                                            
Omar leaves infront of window and begins to walks around
office while he continues to talk he is knocking shit over
and co-workers dont know why its happening.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Woke up today at 5am just stared
at the ceiling wondering why I'm
alive. You ever think to yourself
why you gotta be what you are?
Well I do every fuckn day! I mean
what the fuck man why couldn't I
have been one of those assholes
that have a great fuckn job making
a kajillion dollars a year and why
couldn't it be me, the dumb ass
with the freakn Lotus Notes
problem.Nope had to take that
            (MORE)

2.

                       (OMAR) NARRATOR (cont'd)
computer class when it was offered
to me in the sixth grade! When
normal kids where outside playing
with their GI Joes I was at home
writing script.I digress you
assholes paid to see a movie. So
lets do it!
                                                            
ICE CUBE: TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY
                                                            
Cut to Omar laying in bed staring at ceiling also tryn to
get Fancy to make out.
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (sleepy voice)
Omar Stop staring at the ceiling
and go walk the dog.
                                                            
 
INT. WALK THE DOG! - DAY
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
That's my girlfriend. She deserves
so much more than me.What happened
to me, I was a fuckn rockstar with
rockstar abbs and shit!
Now imm….
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (sleep voice)
Get up and walk the dog.Stop,get
off me,no lovn for you and make me
something to eat.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
My girlfriend, what a beaut love
her to death but she waits for
special occasions to share her
lovebox with me. Great
gal isn't she?
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (lazy sleep voice)
Ok I'm up.
                                                            
Omar crawls out of bed , onto his feet,farts, puts on dirty
jeans a tee shirt, parker no socks and muddy boots he grabs
his keys then stumbles down the hallway to the dog.Omar
grabs the leash, gives the dog the finger and summons the
dog to come.
                                                            

3.

                       FANCY
Did you make me something to eat!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Do you smell anything!?
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (joking)
All I smell is your ass, you
smelly bastard!
                                                            
Omar is fuckn with the dog before he goes to walk him. Plays
fetch the sock. The dog just looks at him like he's crazy.
Dog gives him the look, motherfucker I got to take a shit!
Narrates while playn with the dog.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
When I was in high school I had
this girlfriend, hot bitch ,big
ass tits nice, round ass and one
of the best girls in high school.I
worked at Macys and my mom bought
everything I wanted thought life
would never change. Went off to
college, guys used my
ex-girlfriend for a fuckn
trampoline and I had to start
using my own money. Nobody told me
I would have to baby sit father
times dog. Dogs so old!
                                                            
                       FANCY
Omar did you walk the freakn dog
yet?!Because if he pees in here
one more time I'm cleaning it up
with your jacket.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Aww baby come on don't be like
that.
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (laughing)
                                                            
Omar makes his way outside to walk the dog.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Ok dog walking something done
since the beginning of time,
people get paid to walk dogs isn't
that amazing. I wonder how much.
Dude I would never walk dogs for a
living this shit sucks cock!It's
cold out here fuckn dog is so old
            (MORE)

4.

                       (OMAR) NARRATOR (cont'd)
he can't smell anymore but he
continues to try to find a place
to pinch a loaf. If I was a dog I
would just fuckn shit anywhere.I
wouldn't waste time smelling the
fuckn ground before I take a shit.
Why do they fuckn do that anyway
never understood that.
                                                            
Fancy sticks her head out the window and looks down to the
street to see where Omar is. Fancy has cream on her face
with curlers in her hair she looks a mess.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Omar what's taking you so long?!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Maybe if you would put this old
fucker down and get a new dog this
wouldn't take so long now get back
inside before you fall out the
window.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Ah there you go Champ. Worse part
of this is now having to pick it
up, dude this is the fuckn high
light of my day man!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Good boy! Good Boy! who's a good
boy ok get off my leg. Stop
humpping my leg, get the fuck off
of me!
                                                            
Omar punches dog in the ribbs, old lady across the street
sees him do it.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok move along old lady from across
the way, nothing to see here, just
a man walking his dog. I said move
along grandma or I'll let him
loose and he'll go were no man has
gone since 1910, you get the
picture!
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Callin the cops! You aren't
suppose to treat animals like
that!
                                                            

5.

                       OMAR
Why don't you go back in the house
and shut the fuck up old lady from
across the way.And why are you
walking a cat? Big ass cat, what
do you feed that thing, dogs? All
you do is cause trouble. It's 6am
and you causing trouble already.
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Why don't you go back inside,
don't you tell me what to do you
punk bitch, I'll bitch slap the
taste out of your mouth and set
this cat lose to terrorize your
ass!
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'll fight an old lady, don't
sleep!
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
You better send your ugly flat
chested girlfriend down here to
fight your battles cause I'll go
Billy Blanks on your ass!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Oh you want me to come over there,
I ain't got time to be fuckn with
you old lady from across the way.
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Thats what? I thought so! Punk
bitch!
                                                            
Omar starts to make his way back up stairs when he stops to
remanice about back when he was a kid dealing with the old
lady from across the way.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
When I was a kid the old lady from
across the way lived in this big
scary appartment building. The
neighborhood kids would be scared
of the old bitch but she gave out
candy and it wasnt even holloween.
So we would go up to her
appartment building and ring her
bell and wait for her to come
downstairs with the candy.
                                                            

6.

                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Ok theres enough to go around for
all dont push stop shuving each
other!
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Get out my way I want some candy
too! Give me some candy old lady!
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Where are your manners young man,
and from the sites of you I dont
think you need any candy. You need
some Jenny Craig. (kids start to
laugh)
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Im telling my momma you called me
fat!
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Ok ok I'll give you some candy but
you gonna have to wait here I got
to go back upstairs and get some
more candy for your fat ass!
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
What did you say?!
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
I said I'll be right back. Can I
leave my cat Baby with you, isnt
she pretty?
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
I aint watchn no sabortooth tiger,
that cat looks hungry and im not
gonna be its dinner!
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Well no candy for your fat ass
then, come on Baby lets go
upstairs.
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Ok I'll watch her, I want some of
that candy and dont take to long.
                                                            
The old Lady from across the way goes up stairs to get the
candy but she is taking a long time and Fat Omar is getting
impatient so he ties the cat to a tree and goes upstairs to
see what's taking the old lady so long.
                                                            

7.

                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Old Lady where are you these
stairs are old and stinkiy, dirty
panty draws in the hallway, illl!
what the hell is that! Uhhh thats
cat shit! Old lady from across the
way where are you!?
                                                            
Fat Omar sees an open door with a greenish purplish light
coming out of it so he goes to investigate.
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Old lady from across the
wayyeeeeee are you in here? I'm
coming in oh my goodness what the
fuck is goin on in here, Old lady
from across the way you dont throw
your garbage out and why you got a
bat in a cage over there and what
the fuck are you doing with a pet
monkey and this place stinks,
monkey shit everywhere and what
the fuck is that you got a dead
body in a plasticbag I'm gettin
the fuck out of here!
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
I told you to stay down stairs!
Who told your fatass to come up
here?! Get back here,get back
here!!!!!!!!!
                                                            
Fat Omar runs down stairs and all the way home to tell his
mother what he saw
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Mom! Mom! Mom! Dead body, plastic
bag old lady from across the way!
                                                            
                       MRS. JONES
What?! Slow down catch your
breath.
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Mom I was outside with the other
kids and old lady from across the
way was giving out candy...
                                                            
                       MRS. JONES
Didnt I tell you not to take candy
from that old lady. She crazy and
she stinks. Did she have any
babyruth cause you know thats my
            (MORE)

8.

                       MRS. JONES (cont'd)
favorite mamma love some babyruth!
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Mom there's a dead body in a
plastic bag! I saw it! So I ran
out and she chased me with a big
spoon. I think she wanted to cook
me!
                                                            
                       MRS. JONES
You sure you saw a dead body cause
I'm gonna call the cops if thats
what you saw.
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
That's what I saw and it stinks in
there, monkeys and bats and a
whole lot of garbage piled up to
the ceiling mom.
                                                            
                       MRS. JONES
Come on Omar she has monkeys and
bats? I'm calling The cops.
                                                            
Omars mom calls the cops.The cops come and investigate the
appartment.
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
The bag is over there officers
under all that shit! You can see a
leg sticking out!
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Thats a bag filled with plastic
dolls you ungreatful fatass!
                                                            
                       POLICE OFFICER JIM
All right there's no need for name
calling old lady from across the
way. Son she's right its just a
bag of dolls. And old lady from
across the way there is a law
against hording you're gonna have
to clean this shithouse up. Dont
let me come back and see this
place like this again.
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Yes officer I will clean this
place up. Where is my cat?
                                                            

9.

                       POLICE OFFICER JIM
What cat?
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Uhhhhhh I tied her to the tree
downstair.
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
                                                            
The cop,old lady and fat Omar run down stairs. The cat
chewed through the leash and is missing.
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
We have to find her!
                                                            
                       POLICE OFFICER JIM
Calm down, its just a cat no harm
will come to her we will find her.
                                                            
                       YOUNG FAT OMAR
Officer Jim you dont understand
this is no ordinary cat.
                                                            
                                         ALIEN MUSIC
                                                            
                       POLICE OFFICER JIM
What do you mean kid what kind of
cat are we talking.. yelppp!
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Mountain lion sabortooth tiger cat
called Baby jumps out of the tree
onto officer Jim and tries to drag
him to a nearby park to eat him.
                                                            
                                         ALIEN MUSIC GETS
LOUDER.
                                                            
                       POLICE OFFICER JIM
Help get this animal off of me! It
wants to eat me!
                                                            
                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
She doesnt want to eat you she
just wants to play! Play with her
officer Jim! Playeeeeeee with her!
                                                            
                       POLICE OFFICER JIM
Get this thing off of me or I'm
gonna shoot it!
                                                            

10.

                       OLD LADY FROM ACROSS THE WAY
OH OK. BABY COME!
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
The mountain lion sabortooth tiger
cat lets officer Jim go and
gallops back to its owner.
                                                            
Omar walks back to his appartment door shakes his head and
smiles, then opens the door and runs up the stairs with
Champ.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Fancy! Fancy you up!? He had a
great one today you should have
seen it and it only took 15
minutes this time.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Mental note to self add more
laxative to dogs food, mix in a
little corn in there also, stupid
dog always tries to eat his own
shit after he drops a load. We
could save money on dog food for a
month that way.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Fancy! Oh there you are.
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (jokingly loving
       voice.)
Yeah here I am get your ass ready
for work I'm out of here and don't
be late you remember what
your boss said, no more lates.
                                                            
Omar and Fancy kiss and hug goodbye and Fancy is out the
door.
                                                            
 
INT. THE A TRAIN - DAY
                                                            
Omar eats old pizza for breakfast, takes a shower, gets
dressed and is out the door. Runs down the street, down the
subway stairs, through the turnstyle and just makes the
train.
                                                            

11.

                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Ah the train what a way to warm up
your day. Great today I get to sit
next to smelly Norman, dude can
talk your ear off.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Omar did you get a chance to check
out my new website?
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Norman builds websites for a
number of companies he's pretty
good at it but the dude
smells really bad.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Whats up Norman Uh.. no didn't
get to check it out.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude you really need to check this
new site out before it goes live,
its for an adult toy company, I
made it so all the toys move
around in realtime its awesome!
Here take a look I got a snap shot
of the page on my ipad.
                                                            
The train jerks and Norman drops Ipad in fat ugly ladies lap
Fat ulgy lady takes one look at whats on Ipad, smiles and
starts rubbing her nipples Omar sees what the FUL is doing
and throws up in his mouth.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Excuse me I think that's mine.
                                                            
                       FUL
It's ok baby anytime!I like sites
like that. Gets me all hot and
bothered, in a good way you know.
In the summer time when its hot
and sticky I like to wear little
skimpy outfits and run around my
appartment like I was Madonna or
something. Like a virgin touched
for the very first time like a
vireergin... you know like a
virgin! You know if you wanna go
out sometime you can ask me I wont
turn you down I'm available.
                                                            

12.

                       NORMAN
Ok.. what do I say to that.
Ummm... you have nice nipples?
                                                            
Omar looks at Norman to say dude dont do it with his eyes.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Norman this is my stop I'll talk
to you later, see ya!
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
If he does it to that grizzly
bitch I'm gonna talk about that
shit for 25 years. Bring it up to
him at opportune times I'll even
tell his kids when he has some.
Fuckn lump.
                                                            
 
INT. OFFICE SPACE.... NOT! - DAY
                                                            
                       AL
Omar you're late!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Duchebag says what!
                                                            
                       AL
What did you say Omar?!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (Laughing under
       his breath)
Oh nothing Al. Dude my dog took 15
minutes to shit this morning.
                                                            
                       CAROL
Can you say go to the bathroom
there are ladies present.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok sorry Carol. I didn't know dogs
went to the bathroom.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Carol is an I.T girl nuff said on
that. Why aren't I.T girls hot?
Carol is a fuckn Wildebeest you
know like those fuckn things in
the Lion King? She is always
running off to H.R to tell on
someone, what a fuckn lump? Last
years x-mas party she got drunk
and was humping a fern plant in
            (MORE)

13.

                       (OMAR) NARRATOR (cont'd)
conference room 5.The next morning
she was filing a complaint that
Stanley, some really hairy dude
sexually molested her. Lucky we
have video footage on the incident
and picked up all the action,lets
go to the video tape!
                                                            
Video tape of Carol humping Fern Plant.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Yeah freaky didn't think people
could do that with a tree.Poor
tree, might need some type of
therapy or tree support group.
                                                            
                       AL
Omar you have 12 tickets assigned
to you I want all of them taken
care of by the end of the day.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok Al, I haven't logged into my
computer yet as soon as I do that
I'll start working on those
tickets.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Oh did I tell you, I work for this
cool advertising firm. Bitches
walkin around next to nothing!
Did I just say bitches, dude
that's awesome I'm like Ice Cube
or some shit. There something
about the word bitch it's so
hardcore, me and my bitches!
Hahahaha! Gonna get my money!
bitch betta have my money!
                                                            
                                         ICE CUBES JACKN FOR
BEATS
                                                            
                       AL
Omar what are you doing!?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Oh bout to call one of these
users.
                                                            
                       AL
Well get on it!
                                                            

14.

Omar logs into computer, and makes first call hoping no one
answers.
                                                            
                       OMAR
May I speak with Raul Tafni?
                                                            
                       RAUL TAFNI
Who is calling? (In Indian Acent)
                                                            
                       OMAR
Oh this is Omar Jones from Tech
Support calling about ticket#
3421987 concerning an email issue.
                                                            
                       RAUL TAFNI
Oh yes I talked to one of your
techs last week about my email
problems that have been going on
for 2 weeks and you haven't fixed
them and also I have problem with
my printer I bought that printer 7
years ago and it never worked
right also my pdf files wont
convert into excel documents can
you help me with my blackberry,
you have to help me with that I
talked to the folks over at
blackberry and they say that this
isn't their problem also I need a
new docking station for my laptop
and I think that's it…… (20
seconds of silence) hello are you
there? Hello can you help me?
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Thinkn to myself, this dude must
be crazy if he thinks I'm gonna be
able to help him with all this
shit in 12 minutes. Oh did I tell
you, that's how long my calls are
to last.Not really paying
attention to Raul I hear a call
coming in on the other line it's
Norman calling with some crazy
shit that he wants me to get into.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Raul can you hold on please, I
have another call coming in.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Omar Jones speaking, how may I
help you?
                                                            

15.

                       NORMAN
Dude you gotta meet me for lunch I
got some crazy shit to talk to you
about.
                                                            
                       OMAR
No I can't loan you any money.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Come on Omar do you really think I
need your money?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok I'll meet you. I gotta finish
taking this call I have on hold,
later.
                                                            
Transfers back to call with Raul.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Sorry about that Raul I think I
can help you with your million
problems.
                                                            
                       RAUL TAFNI
Million problems? You are not
trying to be funny because I am
not laughing I will go to your
boss and let him know you are
trying to make joke out of my
problems!
                                                            
                       OMAR
No sir I will help you right away.
                                                            
                       RAUL TAFNI
You should be thankful that you
have job people in my country
would die to have this job!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (Mumbing
       obcenities.)
                                                            
                       RAUL TAFNI
What did you say?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Oh nothing sir right away. So you
click on ……. And I hope you have a
nice rest of your day.
Lunch time
bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                            

16.

Omar goes to meet Norman at Chipolte.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Norman what is so important that
you couldn't wait until after work
to smell up the train and tell
me.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Well you remember that adult
website I created for that
Austrian company?
                                                            
                       OMAR
yeah I remember.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Well they have this new technology
that they want me to try out it's
kinda crazy but cool at the same
time.
                                                            
                       OMAR
What the fuck is it my smellgesty?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude stop with the names im fuckn
sensitive about my odor and there
is nothing I can do about it, doc
says it's a gland thing.
                                                            
Cut to doctors office.
                                                            
                       DR. TILMAN
      (German accent)
Son you smell! And it isn't a
gland problem you need to wash
your ass that's what you need to
do!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok enough about the gland smell
thing Norman what is so important
that you had to leave your
junkyard smell fest job to funkafy
the whole lower westside and bless
me with your odoriferess presence.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok hold onto your nads faggot I
get to test a virtual pornsite.
                                                            

17.

                       OMAR
Ok whats so great about that there
are tons of them.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude this is different you can be
at home laying in bed and say to
yourself, self I want to jack
off, but I don't want to have to
clean myself up or actually have
to get out of bed afterwards.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok what else is so cool about this
adventure ride!?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude it's real women not some
stupid virtual hand puppet whore
that says the same shit to
you everytime you enter.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok how much is this shit site
gonna cost dude?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
It's free for me and 1 guest.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Oh so you think I'm gonna do this
shit with you?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude its awesome check it out all
you got to do is put this head
gear on.
                                                            
Norman opens laptop up and shows Omar the specs of the site
and the cool head gear that comes with it.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Hmm seems cool not all fagorish
like previous attempts to make
this type of science a reality.
Ok I'm in when do we start
testing?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Next week we start. So you're in
right?
                                                            

18.

                       NORMAN
Don't back out on me at the last
minute homo!
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'm not gonna back out. Oh
one thing though Norman try
washing your ass before you start
meeting these women.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude these women don't care how I
smell and another thing they can't
smell me I'm like a
Fuckn Greek god with tiger fuckn
blood!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Well wash the tiger blood stains
off your Greek ass before you
start your virtual fuckn.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Fuck you asshole you should be
kissing my stinkn ass for this
once in a lifetime opportunity to
meet hot chicks without being ball
busted by your nagging girlfriend.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Shit speaking of the old ball
bustomatic, I have to go ring
shopping!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
For what?
                                                            
                       OMAR
This is the year we're suppose to
get married, nothing that I wanna
do but I promised and this is a
promise I cant go back on.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Well do you love her?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Yeah I love her in a kinda weird
way though. You know how you love
to not wash your ass or even
look at soap and water? Well
that's how I love Fancy. Don't get
me wrong she is a great girl and
awesome in the bed and all. But I
            (MORE)

19.

                       OMAR (cont'd)
want to give her a good life you
know, not like it is now.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
You're gay!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Man I'm serious! You coming with
me? I'm going right after work.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Coming with you where?
                                                            
                       OMAR
What have I been talking about for
the last 10 minutes you fuckn
stink weed! The jewelry store!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Naw can't go, gotta finish up this
website I'm working on for this
pharma company . Drugs dude
fuckn drugs! I'm gonna make the
drugs talk to each other in this
one all the anti depressions are
gonna party with the Viagra and
make a baby or some shit like
that. It'll be cool.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Yeah you do that. See you later.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Fuck my life dude this guy sucks
and he's my only friend.
                                                            
Omar goes back to work, decides he will wait for the weekend
to buy the ring.Omar then fucks off untill it's time to go
and then heads home.
                                                            
 
INT. THE WARMING OF A HOME - NIGHT
                                                            
Omar races up the stairs so he can beat Fancy home and play
Madden.Dude loves Madden!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Fancy you home! Fancy you in!
Great! Madden here I come!
                                                            
Playing Madden Fancy walks in.
                                                            

20.

                       FANCY
Get your feet off the table!
Playing games again, well that's
about to stop remember we
got a party to go to tonight.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Aww fuck that shitty home warming
party for your girlfriend I'm not
going to that homo feast filled
with gaydom!Guys bumping into you
on purpose saying oh sorry, sorry
woppsie did I do that, let me
clean that up for you. Fuck no I
aint going!
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (sweet sexy voice)
If you go Omar I'll do that thing
you like so much.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Will you put ice cream on it, you
know I like how that feels when
you put ice cream on it.
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (pouty voice)
Only if you come with me tonight.
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'm there! What time do we got to
be at this thing?
                                                            
                       FANCY
Well I was gonna just drop my
stuff down here and we would be
out.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Can I invite Norman?
                                                            
                       FANCY
No I don't think it would be
appropriate if your stinky friend
came. He smells so bad.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Yeah well I don't like your
friends either. That dude Dan is
always watching my ass and bumping
into me, what the fuck is that all
about?
                                                            

21.

                       FANCY
He likes you and wants to get to
know you better.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Yeah I know what he wants to get
to know better. Dude why do I have
to mingle with him anyway, he
talks all close and his breath is
hot and smells like bandaids and
shit!
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (laughing)
He's a male nurse and its part of
his job.
                                                            
                       OMAR
It's part of his job for his
breath to smell like fuckn
bandaids?! How the fuck does he
take bandages off? With his
tongue?!
                                                            
                       FANCY
Ok Omar watch your mouth he is one
of my closest friends.
                                                            
                       OMAR
How we getting there?
                                                            
                       FANCY
I was thinkn we would take a train
there and a cab home.
                                                            
                       OMAR
That sounds like a plan. You ready
cause im just about to be done
droppin this woop ass on this 13
year old!
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Why is everyone of these kids on
madden some fucked up name like
little_gangsta99_yo_moms_a_bitch__dont_quit_i'll_beat_the_shit_out
you2011? Never understood that.
                                                            
                       FANCY
You ready?!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Where's my keys you know I can't
leave without my keys, you seen my
ipod cause I don't want to listen
            (MORE)

22.

                       OMAR (cont'd)
to anything your friends got to
say!
                                                            
                       FANCY
No ipod Omar.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok but can we do the ice cream
thing before we leave?
                                                            
                       FANCY
No Omar.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Well maybe without the ice cream.
                                                            
                       FANCY
No Omar.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Is your mother gonna be at this
one, you know how she doesn't like
me.
                                                            
                       FANCY
No Omar.
                                                            
                       OMAR
My back hurts I think my siatica.
is acting up.
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (stern)
If you don't come with me right
this minute you can kiss any acts
of sexual pleasure goodbye!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Fuck, you act like I didn't want
to go, I'm coming, wasn't like I
wasn't coming.
                                                            
Tracey Abrams good friend of Fancy is having a house warming
party, Dan thinks her home is his home and answers the door.
                                                            
                       DAN
Darling how are you? And you
brought your man he is so
handsome, more everytime I see
him. How are you Omar?
                                                            

23.

Dan puts hand out for Omar to kiss it, Omar slapps him on
the side and says...
                                                            
                       OMAR
Whats up dude?! Yeah right on and
all that shit.
                                                            
                       DAN
Oh yes, I'm fine let me take your
coats.
                                                            
Dan tries to feel Omar up, Omar jumps out of the way Fancy
has no idea what is going on she is looking the other way,
Omar punches Dan in the stomach and slowly lowers
him to the ground and steps over him and the coats Omar
points to Fancy and says…
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'll take that drink now.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Can you get it yourself, I need to
find Tracey.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Fuckn bitch!
                                                            
(music is loud people are talking)
                                                            
                       FANCY
What did you say?
                                                            
                       OMAR
I said my jacket makes me itch,
love you!
                                                            
Fancy finds Tracey in the kitchen getting finger food ready.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Hi Tracey your party is great
musics a little loud but other
than that its wonderful.
                                                            
                       TRACEY
Thanks, have you seen Dan?
                                                            
                       FANCY
Why?
                                                            

24.

                       TRACEY
Because he is suppose to be
keeping an eye out for the guests
coats and monitoring the music
level.
                                                            
                       FANCY
I'll look for him or I'll ask Omar
to look for him later. So talk to
me tell me how London went.
                                                            
                       TRACEY
Well it went fine all the way up
until the night before I was to
come back to the states. I met
this guy and we hooked up but now
I'm all itchy and smelly.. you
know down there.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Lets go to the bathroom. I got to
see this.
                                                            
                       TRACEY
Ok but you promise you wont laugh?
                                                            
                       FANCY
Have I ever before?
                                                            
Fancy and Tracey maneuver though the crowded party, party
goers stop Tracey to congradulate her on the new place and
the party, all she wants to do is get to the bathroom and
show Fancy her problem.
                                                            
Fancy and Tracey finally get to the bathroom and close the
door. Tracey pulls her pants down and a little
dirty midget pops out with puss bumps and pimples all over
him screaming at the top of his lungs you
gotta get rid of me! … But you cant! Take your ass to the
doctor, get some of the 800 mg shit! That will wipe me out!
                                                            
                       FANCY
Tracey this is bad you need some
anti-biotics girl.
                                                            
                       TRACEY
It itches so bad it feels like I
have a little midget in my pants!
                                                            
Dirty midgets looks directly into camera.
                                                            

25.

                                         (THERE GOES THE
NEIGHBORHOOD IS
PLAYING (DJ))
ICECUBE
                                                            
                       TRACEY
Dan turn the music down!
                                                            
Dan is still knocked out people are walking over him and
steping on his nuts ( he smiles once or twice)
                                                            
                       OMAR
Can you turn the music down
please!!!!!!!!!! Please turn the
music down I have an announcement
to make!
                                                            
                       TRACEY
We better go down stairs I think
your man has something to say!
                                                            
                       FANCY
You know something and didn't tell
me I'm going to kill you!
                                                            
                       TRACEY
What are friends for?
                                                            
                       OMAR
All of you know me! Some of you
longer than others.
                                                            
Dan finally awakens from his slumber, licks his lips after
Omar says some longer than others, Omar
looks at Dan and throws up in his mouth.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Anyway I'm here tonight to share
with you..
                                                            
                       FANCY
Omar, what are you doing!?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Please Fancy let me finish, sit
down.
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (smiling)
Ok then.
                                                            

26.

                       OMAR
Like I was saying before I was
interrupted I would like to share
with you a very special moment in
Fancy and my life.
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (Omar gets down on
       one knee.)
Fancy will you marry me?
                                                            
Dan is crying and rubbing his nipples.
                                                            
                       PAM
How can you ask her to marry you
with no ring!?
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Pam is a very annoying woman she
has a hunch back and a mustache.
Some people say that they wrote
the part about Large Marge in Pee
Wee's Great Adventure with her in
mind. She is an incubus that must
be stopped at all costs!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Pam how are you? Been to any good
barber shops lately? You know they
can help you with that dirt thing
you have on your lip region. They
have tools that will pluck those
suckers right on out.
                                                            
Pam growles at Omar
                                                            
                       PAM
Buy her a ring, buy her a ring,
buy her a ring!
                                                            
Pam tries to start a chant of buy her a ring but she is cut
off by a wild animal conservationist, that shoots her in the
neck with a traqualizer gun.
                                                            
                       DR. MONROE
      (Australian accent)
We got her! Hurry now.Quickly!
Quickly! Get her to the truck!
                                                            
Little Pigmies speaking pigmie language amoungst themselves.
                                                            
The party stops for a couple of seconds everyone looks at
Pam laying on the ground and the little pigmies tying her up

27.

to load her into a truck waiting outside. Then the party
begins again like nothing happened.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Yes I will marry you!
                                                            
Big hug and kiss and all that stuff!
                                                            
After the big hug and kiss fest everyone surrounds the
couple congradulating them and welwishing. A few hours later
Omar and Fancy leave the party and head home in a cab.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Omar I didn't see Dan that much at
the party did you?
                                                            
                       OMAR
No I think he got held up in the
corner with some dude that was in
Pippin and was a stand in for
Rent. You know how they are about
their musicals and shit. So whats
up with the ice cream favors.
                                                            
                       FANCY
You will have to wait till we get
home for your treat. I'm gonna
thank you in a very special way,
you deserve it and to surprize me
like you did I'm gonna give you a
double dip tonight!
                                                            
                       OMAR
See now thats what I'm talkn
about. Double Dippn!
                                                            
Omar and Fancy get home and make their way to the bedroom.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Now baby I want this to be a
special night, I want you to be on
top.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Whats so special about that, I'll
be doing all the work.
                                                            
                       OMAR
I wanna share all my good love
thats all.
                                                            

28.

                       FANCY
So what you are saying is that you
are to tired to be on top and you
want me to do the rabbit leg
thing.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Well not in so many words. Come on
now baby dont be like that you
know I love you and want whats
best for both of us in our time of
need.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Ok Omar, just remember its both
our time of need and Im gonna want
you to do something for me later.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Im way ahead of you. So uh are you
gonna do that thing I like?
                                                            
                       FANCY
I would have if you didnt eat all
the damn ice cream just get over
here.
                                                            
End scene
                                                            
 
INT. RING DINGALINGS! - DAY
                                                            
The next day Omar sets out on a quest to buy the ring. He
doesn't want to go by himself so he gives Norman a call to
see if he will come along for the ride.
                                                            
Omar calling Norman
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Uh hello...
                                                            
                       OMAR
Wake the fuck up stinkasorus!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
No………….. my crotchall region hurts
so bad dude.
                                                            
                       OMAR
What the fuck did you do!?
                                                            

29.

                       NORMAN
I think it's side effects from the
site. That site is awesome man.It
needs some tweeking though
I don't think my crotch is suppose
to hurt this much.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude get up wash your… well just
get up, you gotta come out with
me.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Where we going?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Today I got to go purchase the
ring.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Oh yeah you asked her to marry
you. What'd she say?
                                                            
                       OMAR
What the fuck do you think she
said you fuckn moron. Why the fuck
would I be buying a ring Gaylord!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Just get out of bed and meet me on
47th and Broadway in an hour.
                                                            
The boys meet up and wind up in this expensive jewelry
store.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
So how much you gonna spend playa?
                                                            
                       OMAR
I was thinkin like 500 bucks that
should get me about 4 carrots
right?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude that would have got you 4
carrots in 1812! What the fuck you
smoking?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude I don't know what I'm doin.
Maybe I should call this shit off.
                                                            

30.

                       NORMAN
No dude you can't call this off we
got a bachelor party to go to!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Oh no, I'm not letn you set me up
with none of your hoes!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Chillout man we don't have to go
anywhere or pay any money or buy
any drinks.It's all in the head
gear man.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Are you talkn bought your
pornsite? Dude I'm not fuckn with
that shit, your groin area is all
fucked up! Hell Naww!if Fancy
found out she would kill me!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
I can get you a good ring for
cheap.
                                                            
                       OMAR
How cheap we talkn?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
I can get you 4 carrots like you
want for lets say 3000 dollars.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Kiss What?
                                                            
                       OMAR
That's my whole life savings man!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Don't worry about it, my brother
will do us this favor trust me he
owes me one.
                                                            
                       OMAR
So what do I have to do?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Just come with me to the site and
have the bachelor party. The
pretty ladies are waiting.
                                                            
Chris the jeweler comes over to Norman and Omar to sell them
a ring.
                                                            

31.

                       CHRIS THE JEWELER
How can I help you boys today?
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'm getting married and I was
looking for a ring for my
girfriend.
                                                            
                       CHRIS THE JEWELER
Ok is there any particular ring
that you like?
                                                            
                       OMAR
I like that one right there.
                                                            
                       CHRIS THE JEWELER
You have good taste.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Now this is what I'm talkn about
Norman,can your bro do better than
this stinky?
                                                            
                       OMAR
How much is this?
                                                            
                       OMAR
That one right there is 50,000.00
dollars
                                                            
                       OMAR
50k what?! For that price I better
be mining that shit myself lets
get out of here Norman.
                                                            
                       OMAR
What am I going to do now?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Lets go see my Brother he can help
you.
                                                            
Omar and Norman go see Saul, Normans brother.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Saul is a short balding man that
smells just as bad as Norman but
he covers the stench with Bruit By
FABERGE.That shit you can get in
any supermarket. His whole house
smells like Bruit. Sauls wife is
about 6 ft tall bleach blonde hair
and she stinks too. She doesn't
stink because she always stunk but
            (MORE)

32.

                       (OMAR) NARRATOR (cont'd)
because Sauls smellicus rubbed off
on her.She has a nose ring and
tattoos all over her body.They
live in Long Island with their 2
kids and three dogs.The kids don't
give 2 fucks about their parents
in fact they curse them out all
the time.
                                                            
 
INT. MEET THE GREENS - DAY
                                                            
                       JAIME
      (Jamie has OCD)
Dad where the fuck are the keys to
the BMW I wanna get the fuck out
of this smelly hell hole! Hi uncle
Norman dad's downstairs in the
basement. Dad where are the fuckn
keys you old piece of shit I wanna
go!What the fuck are you deaf!
Don't make me come down there!
Uncle Norman can you help me with
this fagore! Can you get your
brother to first give me the damn
keys and secondly to wash his
funky ass I'm tired of telling my
friends that my dad burns old
magazines in the basement to help
save the fuckn enviorment!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude who is that?!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
That's my brothers son Jamie.
                                                            
Jaime over heard Omar question Norman about who he is and
tears into him lets watch it's awsome.
                                                            
                       JAIME
      (Crazy OCD voice)
Dude what did you say? Who the
fuck are you and why are you in my
house!? I'm gonna call the fuckn
cops, Uncle Norman there is a
strange man in the house askn
questions. Dude did you hear
me,who the fuck are you and why
are you in my house. Get the fuck
out or I'll call the cops! Dad
where are the fuckn keys! What the
fuck man, you still here what's
            (MORE)

33.

                       JAIME (cont'd)
your name fagore? Why are you
staring at me is there a pussy on
my face cause last time I looked
there wasn't,you fuckn like to
look at little boys don't you, you
get off on that shit.
                                                            
                       JAIME
      (said in a calm
       voice)
Uncle Norman I got striaght A's
like you told me to, are you gonna
help me get into Princeton?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Uh.. yeah Jaime keep up the good
work.
                                                            
                       JAIME
      (said in a calm
       voice)
Get your friend something to drink
I gotta go down stairs and kill my
father. See I told you not to make
me come down here, Uncle Norman is
here with some faggot that likes
boys. Get your ass up stairs and
be a fuckn host for a change and
get off the damn computer you
fuckn pedofile!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude what is up with your nephew?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
He's a little high strung.
                                                            
                       MICHELLE
Norman I didn't know you were
coming over.How are you? Get your
friend something to drink Sauls
downstairs. I'll be back I have to
walk the dogs.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Michelle is Normans sister inlaw.
She has tattoos and shit all over
her body. It's nasty scary. She
has a tattoo of elephants fucking,
who gets a tattoo of elephants
fucking on their body, dude it's
nasty. Just when I thought this
nightmare of a family couldn't get
            (MORE)

34.

                       (OMAR) NARRATOR (cont'd)
any worse his niece appears.
                                                            
                       MONICA
Uncle Norman I missed you so much.
When was the last time we saw each
other.I love you Uncle Norman.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Ok I'm gonna go to hell for this
but I don't care. Monica is a
special needs child….. ok she's
fuckn retarded she druels all over
the place,picks her noise and eats
it, plays with her vagina in
public and talks to herself on
random occasions.
                                                            
                       MONICA
Ok but if you say it one more time
I'm going to have to spank you and
tell your parents.You have been
very naughty. Bad little boy.
Uncle Norman can you help me with
Taylor he has been bad he shit on
himself and needs to be changed.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Taylor is invisible so changing
him will be no problem. Oh did I
mention Monica is HOT! I'm going
straight to hell!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok maybe later baby we came to see
daddy we can play later?
                                                            
                       MONICA
No now Uncle Norman he needs to be
changed NOW!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok where are the pampers.
                                                            
                       MONICA
Over there.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
She points in my direction and
starts to walk towards me ok don't
come any closer please no.,
she reaches down between my legs
and starts to massage my cock and
my balls I jump back and say
            (MORE)

35.

                       (OMAR) NARRATOR (cont'd)
whowww no pampers over her my
lady!
                                                            
                       MONICA
See I found them.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
She turns and walks away with the
invisible pampers then turns back
to me and smiles and giggles. What
the fuck just happened! I got felt
up by a hot retard!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
All done!
                                                            
                       MONICA
Thx Uncle Norman!
                                                            
Saul finally makes his way upstairs from the basement.
                                                            
                       SAUL
Norman! how are you little
brother!? Who's your friend? I
don't have to call the cops do I?
Just joking Im Saul and you are?
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'm Omar. I'm a good friend of
your brother he said you could
help me with getting a wedding
ring.
                                                            
                       SAUL
Well how much do you want to
spend?
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (reluctant to say)
Well I have 3k.
                                                            
                       SAUL
I can get you a nice ring for
that.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Come on Saul all he has is 3k,
remember you owe me one.
                                                            
                       SAUL
I don't remember shit!
                                                            

36.

                       NORMAN
Ok do you want me to get Michelle
in here to refresh your memory,
the special fruit in the
compromising place …
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Saul had to get fruit taken out of
his asshole at the hospital, 3
lemons and a banana, Norman drove
him to the hospital.
                                                            
Pan over to Saul in emergency room getting fruit taken out
of his ass.
                                                            
                       SAUL
So you want a ring Omar well you
come to the right place I can get
you any ring you want and price is
no object.I got rings
                                                            
Norman and Omar get the ring and they take the train back to
the city.Durring train ride Omar and Norman talk about
hiding the ring.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Norman can I trust you to hold the
ring until Im ready to give it to
Fancy. I want to do it in a
special way, you know dinner, and
shit.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
No problem I can do that for you.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Just don't funkafy it.It's a ring
there is no need for it to stink.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
You know Omar I did you a favor
and you still can't stop with the
stinky this and that.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Well if you didn't…. ok I'll stop
but wash your ass more and maybe I
wouldn't say it.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok I'll see you tomorrow this is
my stop.
                                                            

37.

                       OMAR
Smell you later,just kidding thx
man!
                                                            
 
INT. JOANNE TRAINING DAY - DAY
                                                            
It's Monday and time to get back to work, Omar and Norman on
the train going to work annoying fat ugly lady is coming on
to Norman.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude I'm stoked that I could get
that ring for Fancy now I don't
have to worry about that shit
anymore.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude don't forget our deal!
                                                            
                       OMAR
What deal?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
We're having a cool bachelor party
on the site
                                                            
                       OMAR
Hell no!!!!!!!!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude if you don't do this I'll get
my brother to charge you full
price on the ring and we will sue
you and take all your money fuckn
pussy, I want this party dude
don't make me threatn you, you are
my best bud I wanna see you happy
plus its free!
                                                            
                       FUL
Hi boys.
                                                            
                       OMAR
She's talkn to you Norman.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
No she isn't.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Yes she is, she's always talking
to you and hinting to you how she
wants you to take her out.
                                                            

38.

                       FUL
I said hi boys!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Uh... hi lady.
                                                            
                       FUL
I'm sorry to be easdropping but
didn't I here you talking about a
bachelor party?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Uh no.
                                                            
                       FUL
You don't have to lie to me about
it.I just want you to know that's
my line of work and I will do a
party for you that you will never
forget.
                                                            
Omar throws up all over Norman.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (Sickly voice)
Sorry dude I got to get off this
train, she is so fat and ugly I
can't take this any more, the
fishnet stockings and the nasty
push-up bra, dude!
                                                            
Omar throws up again this time all over an old midget.
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (Sickly voice)
Sorry man I loved your work in the
Wizard of Oz.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude are you ok!
                                                            
The train doors open, Omar jumps out and runs all the way to
work.
                                                            
                       FUL
Whats wrong with him?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
He's allergic to fat ugliness.
                                                            

39.

                       FUL
I've been meaning to ask you,
whats that colone that you wear it
has a tangy aroma to it.
                                                            
Norman looks directly into the camera
                                                            
Omar gets to work bent over holding his stomach, nausious
from the train ride to work.
                                                            
                       AL
Omar? What the hell happened to
you, you look like shit and wew!,
you smell like shit too, go wash
yourself up and get to work!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Oh you don't want to to know, it
was horifing, it was getting dark
and the walls were closing in on
me, this giant blob of a woman
told me she did bachelor parties
for a living and I almost fainted.
                                                            
                       CAROL
Whats wrong with that ? lots of
guys like that type of woman. When
I was a young girl
                                                            
Omar covers his mouth when she starts to talk.
                                                            
                       CAROL
living alone in the big city, I
used to wait tables at this go go
bar on the eastside.They would let
us dance sometimes for tips, I
would get a couple of drinks in me
and away I would go, sometimes I
would get lucky.
                                                            
Omar runs out of office toward the bathroom with
hand over mouth and one over his butt.
                                                            
                       CAROL
Whats wrong with him?
                                                            
Omar comes back to office after serveral minutes in the
bathroom, still in pain from stomach cramps and breathing
hard.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Carol thank you for that trip down
memory lane but next time can you
warn us before you start telling
            (MORE)

40.

                       OMAR (cont'd)
us.
                                                            
                       CAROL
What are you talking about, I have
pictures also would you like to
see?
                                                            
                       OMAR
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                            
                       AL
Ok back to work we have a
migration later on this month and
we all have to be ready for it.
                                                            
Omar slides back to his desk and begins his day.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Tech support Omar speaking.
                                                            
                       JOANNE
Hi this is Joanne Training.
                                                            
                                         STAR TREK GREEN
BITCH ALURING MUSIC
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Joanne Training, office slut.
Always tries to get me in
compromising positions, huge tits
and a banging body , but her
breath stinks of coffee and cigs.
                                                            
                       OMAR
How may I help you?
                                                            
                       JOANNE
Well I have a problem with my
cd-player.
                                                            
                       OMAR
What seems to be the problem with
the cd-player?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Well it seems like I got something
stuck in it and it wont come out.
It's making a grinding noise.Can
you come by and check it out for
me? You know where my office is.
                                                            

41.

                       OMAR
Well I can send a tech over to
take a look at it.
                                                            
                       JOANNE
NO! I WANT YOU TO DO IT.
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (unwilling.)
Ok I'll be right up.
                                                            
                       JOANNE
Can you bring all the tools you
will need to fix the problem I
don't want you to have to leave
and cum back if you know what I
mean.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Joanne are you sure this isn't a
problem that you couldn't fix
yourself.
                                                            
                       JOANNE
Are you accusing me of lying!?
                                                            
                       OMAR
No.
                                                            
                       JOANNE
I think I need to speak to Al.
                                                            
                       OMAR
No you don't need to speak to Al
I'll be right up.
                                                            
                       JOANNE
That's what I thought, I mean how
long will it take you to get here.
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'll be right up.
                                                            
Joanne goes to the bathroom to ready herself, picking her
noise, farting, digging in her pussy and smelling it to make
sure it's fresh.
                                                            
Omar gets to the office and no one is there, he's happy… he
turns to leave and Joanne is right in his face with her
coffee, cig breath.
                                                            

42.

                       JOANNE
I've been preparing myself I mean
waiting for you, what took you so
long?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Joanne you are right down the hall
from the tech dept.What seems to
be the issue?
                                                            
                       JOANNE
I seem to have gotten something
stuck in the cd- player can you
reach down in there and pull it
out for mama?
                                                            
Omar takes cover off of computer and there is a 10 inch
dildo inside of the computer.
                                                            
                       OMAR
I think I found the problem
Joanne, it seems as though you
dropped your 10 inch dildo in the
computer.
                                                            
Omar turns to show Joanne the dildo and she is half naked
spread eagle on her desk fingers in her mouth, moaning and
cohersing Omar to come over and use the dildo on her.
                                                            
                                         MORE GREEN BITCH
STAR TREK MUSIC
                                                            
                       JOANNE
Get over here Omar and show me how
tech savy you are! I'm so horny
right now I need you to replicate
my pussy!
                                                            
                       OMAR
JOANNE CONTROL YOURSELF AND PLEASE
PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON !
                                                            
                       JOANNE
I can't control myself when I'm
around you Omar give me what I
want and you can keep your
job!
                                                            
                       OMAR
OHH.. OK go in the bathroom and
freshn up and I will be out here
waiting for you.
                                                            

43.

                       OMAR
You think I'm stupid!? You will
run out and tell, I can't have
that Omar, I need you inside of
me, you and that dildo!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Umm... ok bend over and close your
eyes.
                                                            
                       OMAR
That's what I'm talkn about, kinky
devil you are. (in Yoda voice)
                                                            
Omar slowly backs out of the office leaving the office door
open everyone walking by stops to look at Joanne bent over
waiting to receive the dildo.
                                                            
                       JOANNE
Come on don't make mama wait me so
horny! ( in Asian voice)
                                                            
Al comes up to Joanne's office to see what's taking Omar so
long.
                                                            
                       AL
Joanne what are you doing!
                                                            
                       JOANNE
Why are you here where is Omar we
were going over the specs of my
computer.
                                                            
                       AL
      (laughing at the
       same time)
I see.
                                                            
                       JOANNE
      (Ecohing through
       the whole
       building.)
Im going to get you for this Omar
JONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                            
Back at Omars desk Al finds Omar ducked down behind some
boxes in his cubicle.
                                                            
                       AL
Omar what did you do to Joanne?
                                                            

44.

                       OMAR
      (whispering voice)
Al that woman is crazy she tried
to make me do things to her and
her breath, have you ever smelled
her breath, oh my god it could
knock a buzzard off a shit wagon!
                                                            
                       AL
      (laughing)
Ok Omar take the rest of day off
you earned it!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Oh thanks I'm out of here
WOOOWHOO!
                                                            
Omar makes his way down stairs to the ground floor, in front
of the building and decides to take a cab.
                                                            
                       OMAR
This has been one hectic day I'm
taking a cab home.
                                                            
Omar hails cab.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Can you take me to 73rd and
Amsterdam?
                                                            
                       CAB DRIVER
      (Pakastani Accent)
Ok no problem.
                                                            
Cabby drives Omar home.Has cabby change radio station to rap
station.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Thanks have a safe night, you cool
as shit Okmed!
                                                            
                       CAB DRIVER
You too my friend! Bitch Betta
have my money my friend!
                                                            
Omar bounces out of cab with a big smile on his face because
he got off work early. Then he remebers he lives in a 5
story walk up on the fith floor. Suddenly that bounce in his
step and smile have been wiped away, he starts is journey up
to the appartment.
                                                            

45.

Omar finally gets to the appartment door tired from the walk
up, puts his key in the door,farts,opens the door and calls
out to Fancy.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Fancy you home Fancy!
                                                            
 
INT. WE WERE JUST HANGN OUT - NIGHT
                                                            
                       OMAR
Madden time!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok lets see I'll play this guy.
                                                            
                       XMAN54
Dude didn't I kick your ass
yesterday!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Fuck you bitch ass, shut up and
play!
                                                            
                       XMAN54
Ok if you want another ass kickin
I'm willing to shell one out.
                                                            
Fancy gets home and has groceries in her hand, needs help
putting them away.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Get off that thing and help me
with these bags.
                                                            
                       XMAN54
AH YOUR GIRLFRIEND SAVED YOUR PUNK
ASS FROM AN ASS STOMPN!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Get a life butt muncher.
                                                            
Omar turns off game to help Fancy with bags of groceries.
                                                            
                       FANCY
I'm going out with the girls
tonight so I hope you have
something to do.
                                                            
                       OMAR
No I was just gonna hang out here
play some vids.
                                                            

46.

                       OMAR
      (In a sweet voice)
Well you are welcome to come with
me if you want.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Is Dan gonna be there?
                                                            
                       FANCY
Yeah.Why?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Uh... I think I'll sit this one
out.
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'll call up Norman see what he is
up to.
                                                            
Omar leaves kitchen and calls Norman. Phone rings on Normans
end.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
What's up!?
                                                            
                       OMAR
What are you doing tonight?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Nothing.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Wanna hang?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
I'm there!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok meet me at Peters on Columbus I
don't wanna stray to far from home
tonight.
                                                            
Norman gets to Peters before Omar, finds a spot at the bar
flirts with beautiful women already there but they get a
whiff of his masculine blend and they run for cover.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
You aint all that anyway, seen
better faces at a chineese
funeral!
                                                            
Omar enters Peters, sees Norman yealing at hot girls.
                                                            

47.

                       OMAR
Cool it man before you get thrown
out of here!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Naw man they think their all that
cause their beautiful!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Umm... they are all that Norman.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok are we gonna get shit faced or
what I wanna get drunk man.
                                                            
                       OMAR
What's the occasion?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude we are going on some Star
Trek shit, where no man has gone
before, isn't it exciting?!
                                                            
                       OMAR
what'd you mean?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Man we are going on a quest for
the holy grail man!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok whatever man, I can't
understand you sometimes.
Sometimes I think you are smelling
your own funk and getting high off
that shit man.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
You got weed?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Weed?Who the fuck is talking about
weed?!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Well if you got some don't be
stingy man lets smoke that shit!
                                                            
                       OMAR
I don't have any weed man can you
stay on track!
                                                            

48.

                       NORMAN
Ok im all hyper and shit,I need a
drink lets do some shots.
                                                            
Norman and Omar get smashed, drink after drink shot after
shot.
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunk words
       slured.)
Norman you are the bestest of
bested friends man, you are a
wonderful man , you helpt me get a

ring for my babygirl and I will
neva forgive you… I mean forget
that shit!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunk voice)
Aw man don't worry about that its
cool I'd do that a million times
over for you, you're my best
bud man.
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunkn voice)
Thx man, I mean you digent have to
help me, but you did and I'm
thankful for that, we gotta
travel on the train everyday next
to wild animals that are fat and
strip for money and you never
complain. I call you smelly fuckn
bastard to your face and you never
complain, is something burning man
cause something smells bad, but
anyway you are the man whoa! I
love you man. Lets get some
weed!!!!!! I
want to get…….. HIGHHHHHHHHHHH!
                                                            
Norman smells his underarms
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
Dude don't you think you had
enough.
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunk voice)
No man lets get high and go on
that site man whoa!!!!!!!!!
                                                            

49.

                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
Ok dude but lets get another drink
then get high then go back to my
place and go on the site
whoa!!!!!!!!!!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunkn voice)
Are you gonna take a bath man? You
need to take a bath man!? You
smell like the zoo in July
what the fuck man,
                                                            
Omar starts crying.
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunkn crying
       voice)
Why can't you smell good man! You
stink like shit and piss and
all that…. Yeah! You need to
shower or something what the fuck
man ok?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
OK I'LL TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE WE
GET ON THE SITE! YOUR FUCKN WITH
MY HIGH MAN!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunkn voice)
And put some colone on too. Somze
good stuff not tha cheap shit your
grandmother gave you last year.
What the fuck was that shit
anyway? That shit smells like my
balls after I fuck Fancy, man boy
do you stink whoa!!!!!!!!!!! I'm
gonna put out an all points
bulletin for you to take a bath
man! I'm gonna pay some little
jaapanese girls to wash your ass
out for you. I'm gonna run you
through a carwash man! Whoa!!!!!!!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
Are you finished?
                                                            

50.

                       OMAR
      (drunkn voice)
Do you still stink? Hell naw I'm
not finished!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunkn voice)
I'm gonna…. aw fuck it I forgot
what I was gonna say lets get some
weed man!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
That's a good idea.
                                                            
 
INT. CARNEY THE WEED DUDE - NIGHT
                                                            
Omar and Norman stagger back to 73rd and Amsterdam to meet
up with the weed dude. The weed dudes name is Carny, Omar
has known this guy since high school, he thinks he's
Jamaican.
                                                            
                       OMAR
What's up Carny!?
                                                            
                       CARNEY
Omar wha-ya dealin mon!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunkn voice)
Carny shut the fuck up man you're
a Jewish kid from Canarsie cut the
Jamaican accent shit!
                                                            
                       CARNEY
Fuck you mon I'm Jamaican! Whose
your frowzy friend imm smell bhad
nuh mon!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunkn voice)
That's Norman he's my good friend
he's cool.
                                                            
                       CARNEY
Normon you eva urd of dem soap an
waatah!?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
Shut the fuck up fake ass Bob
Marley and sell us the weed!
                                                            

51.

                       CARNEY
I don't know Omar your friend is
very troublesome. He call me fake
Bob Marley! Me nah like dis
name nuh mon, it urt mi feelins
mon, you know on da inside nuh
mon.It eavy on mi mind mon! I don
tink im gonna be able to sell yu
nuh weed tonight!
                                                            
Omar tries to sobber up so they can get the weed.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Come on Carney cut the shit.
                                                            
                       CARNEY
      (said in normal
       jewish white guy
       voice)
Ok but your friend has to say
sorry, this is my living you know
only you and a couple of other
people know its me.
.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Everyone knows Carney they just
don't say anything.
                                                            
                       CARNEY
Well fuck you no weed then!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
Come on Omar we can get it some
place else.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Fuck that I'm not going all the
way up town , Carney sell us the
weed!
                                                            
                       CARNEY
Not until your friend says sorry!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
Ok Bob I mean Carney sorry now
give me a 50 bag.
                                                            
Carney sells them a 50 bag and disaapears into the park.
                                                            

52.

                       OMAR
Lets go back to my apt. man we're
close.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Fuck that you don't have an
elevator and I'm drunk im not
gonna fall down a 5 floor walk
up, we'll take a cab to my place.
Besides we can go on the site
after we smoke the weed and drink
more.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok Smelly Rosen!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Enough with the names!
                                                            
Omar and Norman make it back to Normans apt.
                                                            
 
INT. WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE - NIGHT
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude sit down make yourself
comfortable I gotta take a shit.
There's some beers in the fridge
get me one!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Cool!
                                                            
Omar starts going through Norman's shit, his mail porn
subcriptions, cable, phone bill, calls to hook up hot
lines, then he stubbles across his answering machine.
                                                            
                       (OMAR) NARRATOR
Answering machine "beep", then the
voice that I will never forget its
FUL, "HEY BABY SURE HAD A
NICE TIME THE OTHER NIGHT WOULD
LOVE TO GET TOGETHER AGAIN AND SEE
WHAT POPS UP!
DON'T FORGET TO WEAR THAT COLONE
YOU KNOW IT DRIVES ME CRAZY CHOA.
                                                            
Norman hears the answering machine go off and walks in
slowly with head down.
                                                            

53.

                       NORMAN
Dude she followed me home and
forced her way into my apt. what
was I suppose to do?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude you gotta girlfriend
hahahahaha!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude she's not my girlfriend she
helps me with my special needs
that's all fuck her lets get
wasted and go on the site.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Norman you got to role this shit
im to drunk.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Give it to me , I'll role that
shit, see this is how you role.
                                                            
Norman is spitting all over the joint as he roles it spit is
flying out of his mouth everywhere.At one point he puts the
whole joint in his mouth to get all his saliva on it.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Stop licking it all up you're
getting your spital all over it I
don't want your funk disease just
role the shit!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Hey you wanna look at the ring
some more?!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunk and high)
Yeah bring it out I didn't really
look at it that much bring that
bitch out so a playa can take a
better look see.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok check this shit out dude!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (High voice)
That shit is big as fuck, Fancy is
gonna fuck the shit out of me when
she sees that shit.I can't wait
for her to have it so I can get
            (MORE)

54.

                       OMAR (cont'd)
some of that fast time pussay!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (high voice)
What are you talking about dude
once you get married you don't get
pussy dude, that shit stops.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Then I must be married now cause
she don't give me any pussy now so
marriage will be a walk in the
park.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Here you want anymore of this
cause im high as a motherfucker!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (high voice)
Yeah give me that shit I'll finish
it off!
                                                            
Norman and Omar are extremely high and drunk.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Aint nothing but a Gee thang baby!
                                                            
                       OMAR
This is some good shit man you
know I was thinkn why don't you
marry that fat bitch from the
train we could have a double
wedding. Do you have to get a dog
license along with a marriage
license if you marry that grizzly
bitch?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
I'm not getting married no time
soon Omar. That lady from the
train isn't that bad maybe I'll
invite her to the wedding.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok you can invite her but you got
to tie her up outside can't have
no horses in the church.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok man you funny as shit when you
get drunk man!
                                                            

55.

                       OMAR
Where's my helmet and give me that
ring I wanna wear it!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Here but don't lose it.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
I'm gonna put my helmet on first
then I'll help you with yours.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
I'm gonna lay on the couch you can
sit up in the chair.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Hold still you drunk bastard I got
to get this helmet on right,
remember don't take it off, it's
gonna be weird at first when you
get it on but remember you are
still sitting in the chair in my
living room.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Just strap me in dude I'm ready to
partayyyyyyyyy!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
That's what I'm sayn
WHOAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                            
Norman and Omar begin the transformation from reality to
virtual.
                                                            
                       OMAR

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRMAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude chill that's just the
transition from reality to virtual
it will only last a minute!!!!!!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude the room is meltinggggggg!
And for some reason my cock is
getting hard!
                                                            

56.

                       NORMAN
That's the site running tests on
your body, if your cock doesn't
get hard they don't let you in
just hold on fagot!!!!!!!!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Do they run a smell test because
they should!!!!!!!!!!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude shut the fuck up!
                                                            
After a couple of minutes Norman and Omar arrive in what is
called the Choice Room, where you can make your selection on
how you want to party.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude what a ride, shit I would pay
just to do the ride man,love that
shit!!!!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
It's great isn't it. I think
that's how my groan area got
fucked up.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Who cares wheres the
bitches!!!!!!!!!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Come over here dude this is where
you choose what type of action you
want. I'm gonna get a cougar bitch
with big ass tits that likes to
spank naughty boys, see you back
here in 2 hours, what are you
going for?
                                                            
                       OMAR
What's this stuffed animal shit?!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Oh you don't want that, people get
dressed up like stuffed animals
then they fuck, dude that's for
people that are mentally fucked,
you don't want that shit, suits
are hot and its hard to get it on
with the girls.
                                                            

57.

                       OMAR
How would you know?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (said in a liars
       voice)
I…… I heard……. I read about it
online
                                                            
                       NORMAN
So what are you gonna get into?
                                                            
                       OMAR
You run along I haven't figured
out what I want yet.
                                                            
Norman hooks up with some 70 year troll
                                                            
                       OMAR
Norman, Norman where'd you go,
fuck! Ok fuck it I'm gonna try
this stuffed animal shit fuck it.
                                                            
 
INT. BUNNY LOVE - NIGHT
                                                            
Omar puts on bunnie outfit and walks into The Bunnie Bar
when his eyes locked onto a female bunnie.
                                                            
                                         HUMPTY DANCE MUSIC
STARTS TO PLAY BY
THE DIGITAL
UNDERGROUND
                                                            
                       OMAR
Hi my name is O….
                                                            
                       SHARIE
No names silly lets see what you
got under that costume(bunnie girl
giggles) Oh aren't we a big
bunnie! Lets go into my bunny hole
so we can snuggle!
                                                            
                       OMAR
OK!
                                                            
                       SHARIE
I like to grind a lot, do you? but
before we do anything I got some
carrots and lettuce do you
want some?
                                                            

58.

                       OMAR
Sure!
                                                            
                       SHARIE
Do you have a lighter or matches?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Yeah I got a lighter. For what?
                                                            
                       SHARIE
How do you think we are going to
light the lettuce dumby? Lol
you're silly (giggle)
                                                            
                       OMAR
Yeah I'm silly!
                                                            
                       SHARIE
Ok you hit it first you only need
one pull cause this is virtual so
the high will be magnified so be
careful.
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (high voice)
Don't worry I been smoking weed
since I could crawl.
                                                            
                       SHARIE
Ok don't say I didn't warn you,
(giggle)
                                                            
Omar takes a big pull on the lettuce joint.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Now that's some good lettuce. I'm
so high, you look just like Janet
Jackson!
                                                            
                       SHARIE
Oh thank you, lets lay down I want
to get more comfortable with you.
                                                            
                       OMAR
You are so beautiful and soft your
fur is glowing like my little
pony! I just want to pat your head
and rub your fur I love you so
much my little pony!
                                                            
Omar leans into kiss Sharie and their bunnie ears get in the

way
                                                            

59.

                       OMAR
Will you marry me my little pony
bunnie!?
                                                            
                       SHARIE
Why yes my bunnie king I will
marry you!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok I have the ring right hear hold
out your paw!
                                                            
                       SHARIE
Oh it's beautiful, I'm going to
put it down here next to my basket
of eggs.
                                                            
                       OMAR
NO! You gotta put it on your
finger!
                                                            
                       OMAR
      (drunk and high)
Put it on your finger Fancy.That's
right on your finger.
                                                            
                       SHARIE
Im a bunny I don't have fingers.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Then turn around I'll put it on
your tail.
                                                            
                       SHARIE
      (giggle)
Ok
                                                            
Omar bends over to put the ring on the bunnies tail and
trips over a virtual tree stump hits his head on a bottle of
henessy and knocks himself out. 20 minutes later he wakes up
in the chair in Norman's livingroom.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude what a ride man. I love this
thing they are going to get so
rich off this shit.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude they are already rich, get
the fuck out of my apartment ,I'm
sleepy I'll see you on the train
tomorrow.
                                                            

60.

                       OMAR
Thanks man, you were right this
shit shit is awesome!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (laughing)
Get the fuck out already!
                                                            
                       OMAR
My mouth is so dry, I need water.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Oh that's a side effect it will
ware off in a few hours, see you
on the train in the morning.
                                                            
                       OMAR
See ya.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Aw fuck its 4am Fancy is gonna
kill me!
                                                            
Omar jumps into a cab and has the driver book it home, pays
extra for him to drive fast.
                                                            
Omar sneaks into app. Lays down on bed next to Fancy, Fancy
wakes up
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (sleepy voice)
Where were you until 4am?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Oh sorry I was hangn out with
Norman, he was showing me this new
website.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Well you should have called, there
was an emergency with Dan.
                                                            
                       OMAR
What happened to Dan?
                                                            
                       FANCY
Well he never met up with us last
night so we got worried he always
calls if he isn't going to show
up, get the hint Omar.
                                                            

61.

                       FANCY
So when he didn't call we got
worried.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok Fancy I'm not one of your
girfriends get to the point.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Turns out he was in the hospital.
                                                            
                       OMAR
What happened to him?
                                                            
                       FANCY
Nothing happened to him it was who
he was with, some dude got fruit…
                                                            
Cut to Saul and Dan getting together and using fruit on each
other. Then cut to hospital Saul getting fruit removed in
emergency room.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok TMI don't need to get a visual
on that type of action going to
sleep now good night baby.
                                                            
 
INT. DROP THE CURTAIN - DAY
                                                            
                       FANCY
      (soft sleepy voice)
Get up Omar and walk the dog.
                                                            
                       OMAR
ok, ok ,ok
                                                            
                       FANCY
I'm running late so I'll call you
when I get to work.
                                                            
Omar walks dog, showers and makes b-lines to train
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude I'm so tired my mouth was dry
until 7am. Oh one thing I meant to
ask you last night. I gave
the ring back to you last night
right?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
What ring?
                                                            

62.

                       OMAR
The wedding ring idiot! The
wedding ring I gave you to hold
for me!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
It's in my bedroom in my safe.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude you don't remember me askn to
see it and we played with it and I
wore it on the site too
man!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude I don't remember any of that
shit! What the fuck are you talkin
about!?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Dude I remember now I gave the
ring to some bunnie on the
website!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Omar did you dress up like a
stuffed animal? I told you that
shit is for the mental people on
the site they're fucked up man
stay away from them hahahaha! You
dressed up like a bunnie!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Stop kidding around man I lost the
ring cause I don't have it!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
It's imposible for you to have
lost the ring on the site.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Why?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Cause the site isn't real man its
virtual you cant bring a real
substance into a virtual world and
expect it to stay there. That ring
is somewhere in my appartment we
got to look for it.
                                                            
                       OMAR
You sure?
                                                            

63.

                       NORMAN
It's the laws of physics plus it
would make a borring ending to
this movie, if we would have to
go back on the site find the ring,
fight evil monsters , get the ring
back just in time for you to
marry Fancy.
                                                            
Norman showing clip to Omar and a studio audiance how the
movie would look like with monsters and shit in it.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Lets look at what something like
that would actually look like,
you see the monsters don't even
look real dude it fucks up the
direction of the movie!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok well after work I'm coming over
we gotta find that ring!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
No problem we'll find it.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok this is my stop, check you
later.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Don't worry we'll find it!
                                                            
Omar gets to work, but doesn't really work much just watches
clock for 5:30pm to come, Joanne calls him a couple of times
and ignores the call because he knows what she wants.
                                                            
                                         5:30PM
                                                            
Omar dashes out of the office slaps slackerTom the security
guard in the face while leaving,runs past Joanne's office
she sees him and gives chase knowing full well she wont
catch him, raising her fist in the air, Omar turns around
and gives her the finger as the elevator doors close.
                                                            
Omar gets off on the ground floor and books it to the train.
                                                            
Omar gets off at Normans stop and runs to his apartment.
Rings buzzer but Norman doesn't answer. Omar thinks to
himself must of beat him here. I'll call Fancy and tell her
where I am.
                                                            

64.

                       OMAR
Come on pick up.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Hey, Omar how are you baby?
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'd be doing a whole lot better if
Norman was here.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Whats wrong?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Nothing just waiting for Norman to
get home.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Something is up. Tell me.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Nothing is up baby I'm just
waiting for Norman to get home so
we can go over some work stuff.
                                                            
                       FANCY
Ok, don't let me find out the hard
way like Dan.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Baby it's not that type of party
trust me, I gotta go Norman is
here. I love you.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Whats up bud!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Don't what's up me! This shit is
all your fault! I should have
bought a ring from a real jewler
and this wouldn't have happened.
Following you on all your antics,
look where its gotten me!
                                                            
                       OMAR
Chillout Omar we'll find the ring
then you can go off and get
married to Fancy and live
happily ever after.
                                                            
                       OMAR
You don't sound so happy for me.
                                                            

65.

                       OMAR
Dude I'm happy for you, but when
you get married I'll be alone and
I wont have any friends, dude you
are the only one that can stand
being next to me.
                                                            
                       OMAR
I'm sorry Norman but I love Fancy
and we gotta get married and we
gotta find that ring!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok dude lets find the ring! I'm
siked for this shit now. That gay
speech you just gave about your
undying love for Fancy gave me a
boner in my pants that has
inspired me to look for your ring!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok when was the last time you saw
the ring?
                                                            
                       OMAR
Well you took it out of the case
and gave it to me. I really don't
remember what I did with it until
I gave it to that bunnie girl.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Dude that shit is so funny you
dressed up like a rabbit, dude
when we go back for your bachelor
party don't dress up like a rabbit
again, unless that's the shit you
are into lol
                                                            
                       OMAR
Ok Norman I will remember that for
next time, but right now we gotta
find the ring.
                                                            
Omar and Norman search for the ring during the process they
drink and smoke more weed.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
I'm gonna invite Connie over to
help us look for the ring.
                                                            

66.

                       OMAR
      (drunkn voice)
Who the fuck is Connie!?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
You know the girl from the train.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Awwww HELL NAWWWW! You to won't
help me look, you'll wind up in
the bedroom licking dirt off of
each other, no she aint coming
over!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
      (drunkn voice)
I'm calling her now! Connie I got
a situation can you come over for
a bit, yeah, sure bring her
with you, see you soon.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Whats that all about?
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Connie's coming over and she is
bringing her friend with her.
                                                            
Norman and Omar continue to look for ring with no luck,
buzzer goes off
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Who is it?
                                                            
                       CONNIE
I'm hear!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Ok, come on up!
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Omar the girls are coming up don't
be an asshole, be nice they're
gonna help us find your
girlfriends ring.
                                                            
                       CONNIE
      (in her sweetest
       FUL voice)
Hi Norman
                                                            

67.

                       NORMAN
Hi Connie, you wanna beer, get one
for yourself and your friend,
what's your friends name.
                                                            
                       CONNIE
Oh that's Sharie she does parties
with me sometimes.
                                                            
Omar looks at Sharie to say how do you do and they knew just
at that instance who each other were, humpty dance music
starts.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Sharie how are you long time no
see.
                                                            
                       SHARIE
Nice to meet you Omar! (winking at
him to shut him up)
                                                            
                       SHARIE
So Norman what's the emergency,
Connie said that we have to help
you.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
Oh me and Omar got wasted last
night and lost his girlfriends
engagement ring,his girlfriends
gonna kill him.
                                                            
                       SHARIE
      (sad voice)
Oh is that so.
                                                            
                       OMAR
Yes it would be great if you guys
could help us find it.
                                                            
                       CONNIE
No problem as long as you guys
feed us later.
                                                            
                       NORMAN
That will be no problem.
                                                            
                       SHARIE
      (sounding sad)
We don't have to look for it
because I found it.
                                                            

68.

                       OMAR
Where was it!?
                                                            
                       SHARIE
Right over here next to this
basket of eggs.
                                                            
The end
                                                            
Icecubes check yourself before you wreck yourself
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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