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Sitcom Jesus (Short)
by Gerald Young (gyoung1977@gmail.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review:

This is a three minute short about a conversation I have with Jesus.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


GERALD YOUNG (34), a Caucasian male with hair and eyes of
brown, is kneeling bedside. His hands are clasped as he
looks up to a poster of JESUS.
Hey, dude. How's it going?
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Things are good... Dude.
Gerald looks confused and checks under the rug.
                       JESUS (V.O.)
I'm up here, moron.
Jesus wouldn't call me a moron.
                       JESUS (V.O.)
The Hell I wouldn't.
Whoa! He... Ugh... You definitely
wouldn't say that.
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Just get to the point and ask me
to make you a sitcom writer.
How did you know I was going to
ask that?
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Because I'm omniscient.
OK, Mr. Know It All, what does
"omniscient" mean?
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Don't be a smart ass, Gerald.
You made me this way.
                       JESUS (V.O.)


Say, is it true that you're also
the Holy Ghost?
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Gerald puts his hand over his heart and feigns fright.
Wow! I guess you are. So, can I be
a sitcom writer now?
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Sorry, but I'm not some three wish
granting genie.
The Hell you're not.
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Watch your mouth!
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Sorry, I picked that trait up from
the majority of my followers.
Ha! Are you drunk tonight, Jesus?
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Not as drunk as you.
Ya got me.
                       JESUS (V.O.)
I tell you what. I don't usually
do this, but since I made you
funny and believe in you, I
Whoa, wait! You believe in me?
Aren't I the one that's supposed
to believe in you?


                       JESUS (V.O.)
Yes, and yes. Also, please don't
ever interrupt me again. I'm the
Lord for Christ's sake.
Did you really just use your own
name in vain?
                       JESUS (V.O.)
It's my world, pal. You're just
paying rent. By the way, you're
last check bounced.
There must have been a mix up with
the bank or something. So how do I
become a sitcom writer?
                       JESUS (V.O.)
See that remote control?
Gerald looks at a remote control that's placed on an end
Uh, yeah. I'm not blind.
                       JESUS (V.O.)
Keep pressing your luck and you
will be. Anyway, all you have to
do is point it towards the
television and turn it on. After
that you'll be writing for the
funniest sitcom ever created.
Your dad already wrote that one.
                       JESUS (V.O.)
True. And be thankful that it's
not on hiatus.
Gerald grabs the remote and aims it at the TV.
So, just press this little button
right here and...
His forearm flexor flares as he presses the power button.


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