Home Screenwriting Products Screenwriter Community Screenwriting Store
ScriptBuddy - Screenwriting Software for the Web

Screenwriter Community

Back to List of Published Screenplays
View/Leave Feedback

E-Match.com
by Eric Nifong (nifonge@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
Based on a true story. Scott Woods is struggling trying to move past his ex-girlfriend and the death of his good high school friend. He begins to try out the internet dating sites. One crazy date after another, Scott works to find his true love with the help of his friends.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. POTTS RESTAURANT & BAR - DAY
                                                            
SCOTT a mid-20's thin guy, walks into the bar. He strolls
around looking for someone, gives up and sits at the bar and
quickly orders drink. A tall skinny girl with very short
blond hair walks up to Scott.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Hi, Scott?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hi, are you Robin?
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Yeah, you didn't recongize me?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm sorry you look a little
different than the profile
picture.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
I've gotten a hair cut since I put
that up. It's a little shorter.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I can see that, are you going for
the swimmer, runner, the
recovering cancer patient look?
                                                            
                       ROBIN
No silly. I take it you don't
recognize at all, we went to high
school together! I couldn't
believe it when I saw your
profile, I just had to email you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh, yeah. I thought I had maybe
recognized you. I'm sorry I'm
terrible with names and faces
these days.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
God, you look exactly the same as
you did in high school. I had a
little crush on you but you
wouldn't have never known that.
                                                            

2.

                       SCOTT
Really? I didn't even think
anyone noticed me in high school.
So what do you for work?
                                                            
                       ROBIN
I'm an English teacher, at a small
high school north of town. What
do you do?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I just got promoted into sales at
an internet company.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Good for you! We should celebrate,
how about a shot?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Definitely. To be honest, I'm a
little nervous, I've never done
one of these INTERNET dates
before.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
You're nervous? Well we can fix
that. First round is one me.
                                                            
Robin and Scott in a montage take shot after shot both
becoming increasingly more drunk and affectionate to each
other.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (drunk)
I can't believe that, can you
believe that?
                                                            
                       ROBIN
      (drunk)
What a bitch! I can't believe she
would do that to you! I'd kick
her ass.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (drunk)
No no its cool, I'm over it. She's
got her own things get over. Dude,
those shots hit like a brick wall.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
      (drunk)
Don't call me dude, I'm not a
dude, do I look like a dude? How
could you let me, let you, get me
            (MORE)

3.

                       ROBIN (cont'd)
drunk on our first date? I know
your type.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (drunk)
What? You're the one kept singing
that stupid shots song. And now
look at you, me, I'm drunker than
a Jihad at an airport. Say Emily,
Robin sorry, wanna get out of
here?
                                                            
                       ROBIN
      (drunk)
You like totally read my mind. You
want me to go grab a taxi?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (drunk)
That would be fantastic.
                                                            
Scott and Robin exit the bar to the parking lot. Robin is
leaning on Scott for stability. They pass two parked cop
cars.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (drunk)
I'm good to drive, I only live
like 3, 6, 7 blocks away.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
      (drunk)
No no I'll get us a cab.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (drunk)
Robin, I'm good, I've been way
worse plus I'm right around the
corner and, and I got a redbull in
the car.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
      (drunk)
Ok, walk that white line, touching
your nose singing your favorite
Kesha song.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (drunk)
No way! Kesha sucks, her face
reminds me of a Puggle. Walking
that line in front of the cops,
probably not the best thing to do
            (MORE)

4.

                       SCOTT (cont'd)
outside a bar. Besides I couldn't
do that sober. Now, you, get in
the car.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
      (drunk)
Forceful, I like that. I got
another area you can be forceful
with.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (drunk)
I don't get it.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
      (drunk)
Just get in the car.
                                                            
Scott and Robin get in Scott's car and go back to his
townhouse.
                                                            
 
INT. SCOTT'S TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Scott and Robin walk in through garage door to the kitchen,
were Robin throws Scott against the wall pinning him into a
heated make-out session.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Do me right here!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Shhhh, no we can't, I have
roommates. Let's just go to my
bed, it's comfortable, I promise.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
You're no fun.
                                                            
Robin grabs Scott's hand and they both hurry upstairs to
Scott's room. Alex, Scott's dog a beagle, runs up and
knocks Scott in the leg. The dog then runs underneath the
bed.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
I want it hard.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ok, one sec, let me grab a condom.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
No! Don't worry I'm on the pill.
                                                            

5.

                       SCOTT
Yeah, it's sort of been a while so
it will just help me, you know,
last a bit longer.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Do me Scottie! Please I need you.
I want you inside me.
                                                            
Robin throws her legs over Scott at the edge of the bed. Her
legs pull Scott into her, Scott tentatively grabs her legs
and begins to softly thrust.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Harder! Harder! Be more
aggressive!
                                                            
Scott stops looks confused then tries to thrust a little
harder.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Harder! Damnit Scott harder!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Like how? Any harder I'll break
you!
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Grab me, grab my throat, pin me
down!
                                                            
Scott slows down a little again. Scott remains clutching
Robin's legs .
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Oh fuck it. Stop, just stop it!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Why? What's wrong?
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Nothing, just finish already, then
get off me.
                                                            
Scott slows down to a stop, pauses, looks at the very drunk
woman lying on his bed, looks around and fakes an orgasim.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh, oh, oh, I just went. That
was, incredible?
                                                            
Robin begins to cry as she crawls under the sheets. Scott
throws up his hands in disbelief, grabs some basketball

6.

shorts, puts them on and crawls into bed far away from
Robin.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Good night.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
      (crying)
I can't believe you. Why can't
you be more, assertive, why can't
you just stick up for yourself?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm sorry, wait what?
                                                            
                       ROBIN
      (crying)
You just let people run all over
you. You need to stick up for
yourself.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What the fuck are you talking
about?
You are wasted.
Get some sleep, you'll feel
better.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
No I'm not! I'm going to go, I
need to leave.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You are in no condition to drive.
Just stay here, and we'll talk
about this in the morning?
                                                            
Robin passes out, Scott eyes wide open watches her, he is
mouthing curse words then passes out a few minutes later.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
Scott wakes up rolls over and sees Robin wide awake staring
at him. He is obviously a little startled then he looks at
him with a degree of disappointment.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Morning cuteness.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Umm, good morning? How are you
feeling?
                                                            

7.

                       ROBIN
Not bad. A little tired but no
huge hangover. I drink a lot by
the way, so this is nothing. One
time I woke up in this guy's house
downtown covered in beer with like
three other really hot guys.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (interrupting)
Gross, no more stories.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
So how about a little good morning
sex?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Wait, do you remember anything
from last night?
                                                            
                       ROBIN
No not really. I tend to
blackout. Why, I didn't do
anything crazy did I?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh no, crazy no. Just a crazy
night. Lots of crazy things
happened, but, no you were cool.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Are you sure? I've been told that
I can become, sort of aggresive.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You're like maybe a hundred
pounds, I'm not afraid of you,
sort of.
                                                            
Scott sits up in bed and stretches. Robin turns over, throws
the covers over her butt into Scott.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Here you go big boy, lets get this
day started right.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Why do you have the covers over
you, I can't really see you or see
what I'm doing. You know you have
a fantastic body right?
                                                            

8.

                       ROBIN
Sorry I'm a little self-conscience
of my body. That and I used to be
a cutter, I don't like people to
see my scars.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh, god, ok.
                                                            
Scott looks down at her and checks for any noticeable scars.
He begins to drop his basketball shorts and pulls the covers
around his waist.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Ok wait.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I haven't done anything yet.
                                                            
Scott pauses. Robin nods her head as to proceed. Scott
rolls his eyes and connects back to her butt.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Ok I'm good. No wait, stop, just
one sec.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Are you alright?
                                                            
Robin throws off the covers and quickly heads to the
bathroom. Robin begins to loudly puke. Scott picks up his
phone.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hi I need to get a cab to my
house, as soon as possible.
                                                            
Robin stumbles out of the bathroom with toilet paper in her
hand wiping her mouth. She gets back into bed. She leans
in to kiss Scott.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Ok, now I'm ready.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hey Robin, I just remembered I got
to go to the airport to pick up,
my mom. I got a taxi for you
though, they should be here to
take you back to your car in a
bit.
                                                            

9.

                       ROBIN
Oh. Ok. That's cool, probably a
good thing I need to get home and
see my daughter.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You have a kid!?
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Yeah, maybe the next time we get
together I'll let you meet her.
She could use a real man in her
life, and I could use a little
more of man myself. Besides you
seem like you'd be a good dad. So
next weekend?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah I don't know maybe. I'll
text you.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
So that's a no huh. Ok, I get it,
so sleep with me then shit on me.
God Scott I thought you were
special! I have a daughter for
god sakes!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No there was no shitting, you're
just really really really not my
type. Sorry, I'm sure there's
someone out there better for you
than me.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
Don't try to be nice, you don't
get to be nice. And you don't get
to call me, text me, or facebook
me ever.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That shouldn't be an issue.
                                                            
                       ROBIN
By the way the sex was awful.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Tell me about it, never knew I
could fake it. And by the way,
crazy alcoholic cutter, with a kid
should be put on your online
profile. Just a suggestion.
                                                            

10.

                       ROBIN
Fuck you.
                                                            
Robin grabs her bags and leaves out Scott's bedroom door.
Scott watches her stumble out to the cab then they pull
away. Scott falls back on to his bed and stares at the
ceiling and the dog. The dog buries his face under the bed
sheets. Scott's cell phone rings.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (on cell phone)
Hello.
Hey what's up?
What do you fucking mean?
When did this happen?
Oh my god, I can't believe it, I
just talked to her a couple days
ago.
Fuck, this can't be happening
dude.
                                                            
Scott visibly upset drops his cell phone to the floor. He
puts his face into his hands.
                                                            
 
INT. SEAFOOD RESTAURANT - NIGHT
                                                            
A couple SARAH and RAYMOND are eating dinner on a date. A
waiter drops off two glasses of wine. The two toast to each
other.
                                                            
                       SARAH
What's your favorite type of
music?
                                                            
                       RAYMOND
I like a lot of the local stuff.
JazzMeNot, ParkHill Drive,
AndesDrop.
                                                            
                       SARAH
Oh my god, I went to high school
with the lead singer of ParkHill
Drive! I love them!
                                                            
                       RAYMOND
I think I just caught that couple
staring at us. You think people
can tell?
                                                            

11.

                       SARAH
      (Laughing)
Probably, first dates are the
worst. But I'm having fun so far.
                                                            
                       RAYMOND
Me too, I hope you like this
place. The food is awful but the
drinks are excellent.
                                                            
 
EXT. SEAFOOD RESTAURANT ENTRANCE - NIGHT
                                                            
Sarah and Raymond are by the entrance. Sarah kisses Raymond
on the cheek, then turns to a Taxi.
                                                            
                       RAYMOND
I can't wait to see you again.
I had such a great night.
                                                            
                       SARAH
I can't wait to either.
You know, it doesn't have to end
here.
                                                            
                       RAYMOND
Really? Are you sure? Thank you
god for E-Match.com.
                                                            
                       SARAH
We can talk about how much we love
E-Match over breakfast, now get in
here.
                                                            
The two get into the taxi together and taxi drives around
the corner. LEE BROWN, a stocky 30 year old, walks into
view.
                                                            
                       LEE
CUT!
Did we get that right this time?
                                                            
GRANT PATTERSON, a tall slender guy mid-20s, a camera crew,
and Scott walk into view.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I think we got it. Don't you
think they should kiss before they
get into the taxi?
                                                            

12.

                       LEE
That's not a bad idea! Can we set
that shot up again? Glad you're a
part of the team here Grant!
                                                            
The camera crew walks back into their original positions.
The taxi pulls back around with Raymond and Sarah.
                                                            
                       LEE
One more time kids, this time kiss
before you get in the car?
                                                            
SCOTT walks onto the set and hands GRANT a cup of steaming
coffee.
                                                            
                       GRANT
What did you think of the dialoge?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
So gay.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Shut the fuck up, really?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Dude that was as cheesy as the
rest of those god awful
commericals.
                                                            
                       GRANT
What?! That was realistic. And
you can't say that's gay, it's
offensive, apparently.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Offensive? To who? It's not like I
said it was faggotity.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Apparently it's offensive to gay
people.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ray? Is calling the script gay
offensive to you?
                                                            
                       RAYMOND
How did you say it?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
The dialog that Grant wrote is
extremely gay.
                                                            

13.

                       RAYMOND
It's offensive.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Shut the front door! Really? What
about saying something is
retarded, Sarah?
                                                            
                       SARAH
Fuck off Scott.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
She wants me.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Oh definitely. Sorry about
Meredith dude. You going to
funeral tomorrow?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah. I'm still a little in
shock.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I know, its a shame, she was such
a sweetheart. Oh how did the
first internet date go?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
She was fucking insane. Never
have I ever believed that I could
be afraid of a hundred pound
woman, but get a few drinks in
her, and its facing a roided out
pitbull.
                                                            
                       GRANT
What happened? She not a good
drunk?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
She basically had me rape her,
then she started crying and
screaming at me about how I don't
stick up for myself, keep in mind
this is the first time I've seen
this girl since high school. I
had to fake an orgasim.
                                                            
                       GRANT
You faked an orgasm? It was that
bad?
                                                            

14.

                       SCOTT
It was like having sex with a big
wad of cold angry gum. So the
next morning she doesn't remember
a thing, wants to do it again,
then proceeds to almost puke in my
bed. She doesn't, thank god. I
then basically kick her out. Oh
and she also has a kid.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Wow you picked a winner my friend.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hey she picked me. Needless to
say I won't be calling her again.
                                                            
                       GRANT
That's insane. Are you going to
tell Ryan about the date? You need
to come over tonight and tell
Lindsey that story.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Nope, but I am going over to
Ryan's after this. I wrote her
something.
                                                            
                       GRANT
How many times is she going to
dump you before stop writing these
pity fuck poems?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
They work dude! Besides we talked
last night and worked on some
things. It's different now.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Is this because of the date you
just had? You can't just go
running back to her when something
doesn't go right.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
She does it to me! Besides the
internet thing is weird. Yes it
helps me find a dates, since I'm
worthless out there in the real
world. But why do that when I
already have somebody that gets me
and I have a history with?
                                                            

15.

                       GRANT
So when you're over there, be sure
to pick up your balls. I believe
they're in a jar beside her bed
labeled not useful possibly
cancerous.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Funny guy, we got a funny guy
here! Right here!
                                                            
                       LEE
Is there a problem Woods? I hear
you don't care for the script?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No sir. Not a thing, the
commerical is looking great.
                                                            
                       LEE
Good. All right places everyone.
                                                            
The crew and actors gather back and setup up for another
shot of the taxi scene.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
How the hell can someone that's
three years younger than me be my
boss?
                                                            
                       GRANT
Ambition, intelligence, and
actually caring about the work he
does, that would be the most
obvious of reasons.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hey now! I care, I just don't
try. Besides the fact that he's
Ryan's ex, makes it hard to want
to work all. It's like punch in
balls just to hear is white man
eurkle voice.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I have no idea how you get through
a work day knowing that.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm like God's hacky-sack.
Alright, I'm going to hit the old
dusty trail. I'll catch you later.
                                                            

16.

                       GRANT
May the force be with you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That was out of place, you should
put that into the script.
                                                            
Grant grins then flips Scott off. Grant turns back to the
commercial production with the crew.
                                                            
 
EXT. RYAN'S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
                                                            
Scott walks up to the front entrance of the ghetto red brick
apartment building and rings the buzzer.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Hello?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It's me.
                                                            
The door buzzes a couple of RYAN's neighbors are arguing to
each other from outside to the third floor. The woman on
the third floor is throwing cooking items at the man
outside.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
RYAN opens the front door and Scott comes into her apartment
and sits down on the couch. RYAN walks back to her bedroom.
                                                            
                       RYAN (OS)
How did the commerical go?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Not bad, considering it has the
quality of a student youtube
project.
                                                            
                       RYAN (OS)
That bad? Was Lee OCDing?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yes, I don't know why he just
didn't hire an actual director to
do this. It's going to look like
shit compared to our competitors
who by the way, use real people.
                                                            
                       RYAN (OS)
You know Lee.
                                                            

17.

                       SCOTT
I know he's your friend still and
everything but the guy has zero
business since.

Beat.

I'm sorry I didn't really mean
that. He's a good guy I guess.
                                                            
                       RYAN (OS)
Never mind him. How are you
holding up?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm fine. I hate having this pity
party everyone is trying to give
me. It's not like we were dating
or anything. I mean were just
really good friends.
                                                            
                       RYAN (OS)
Yeah since high school. And She
was your first crush. I don't
know what I would do if someone I
know from high school, like Lee,
got killed. You know it's ok to
feel sad Scott.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I get it, but I feel bad more for
her roommates, her mom and dad and
her little brother. I just think
I shouldn't get to grieve as much
as they do. We just talked and
that was it.
                                                            
                       RYAN (OS)
You going to need to express the
loss sometime Scott. Lord knows I
was jealous of her, she was
beautiful, sweet, and I know she
liked you. I always figured you'd
leave me for her someday.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (whispering)
I wish I did.
                                                            
                       RYAN (OS)
What did you say?
                                                            

18.

                       SCOTT
I didn't say anything.
                                                            
                       RYAN
I heard you had a date.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What!?
                                                            
                       RYAN
It's ok Scott. I'm not mad or
anything. Why are you trying to
meet people online?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I know I should have told you. I
given up on the whole bar scene,
not mention I'm not exactly
brushing off the ladies at the
club. Online just felt like the
next best place.
                                                            
                       RYAN
I'm not judging you. I just found
it interesting, I couldn't just
imagine you jumping online to go
out and date.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah well I came back to you. What
are doing back there?
                                                            
Ryan slowly comes out of her room with tears in her eyes.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What's the matter sweetheart?
Look, the date didn't mean
anything. It was horrific
actually.
                                                            
                       RYAN
What? No, it's not that.
                                                            
Ryan holds up a pregnancy test.
                                                            
                       RYAN
I'm pregnant.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Wait what? Are you sure?
                                                            

19.

                       RYAN
Yes, this is the third test I've
taken today. I don't know what
I'm going to do Scott. I can't
have a kid right now, I can't even
take care my cat!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That would explain the litter box
smell. Ok, look everything will
be ok, I'm here for you. We'll
take care of this.
                                                            
                       RYAN
No! No you can't.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yes I can. I know we're not like
officially together or anything
but that's not going to stop me
from loving you and helping you
out. A child for us is not the end
of the world. Maybe if I read you
this poem I wrote might help.
                                                            
                       RYAN
No poems Scott! It's not yours.
It's Lee's.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh. Oh God. Well I guess it
couldn't be mine since we haven't
done it in like 2 months. Lee's?
Seriously? Like my boss your ex
Lee? When did that happen?
                                                            
                       RYAN
It was a couple of weeks ago. We
were just hanging out and then he
started to spend the night a
couple times.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I thought you said you wanted to
be single to figure things out
between us?
                                                            
                       RYAN
I did! I do, I mean he and I just
were seeing what's there.
                                                            

20.

                       SCOTT
But he's your ex Ryan. Shouldn't
you already know what's there? I
really hate to ask this, but did
this happen when we were dating
again?
                                                            
                       RYAN
No! Technically not, it happened
like that Monday after? I think?
Besides you're technically my ex
and I keep seeing you!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
So Monday following the Sunday
that you broke up with me again?
The next day? I feel gross.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Scott, I'm so sorry, I meant to
tell you the other night about
Lee. I just needed the right
timing.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Getting pregnant by Lee seems like
a great way to tell me.
                                                            
                       RYAN
If I could take back this whole
fuck-up I would! I just don't
want to hurt you. I don't want to
lose you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm sorry I don't mean to freak
out, I still love you.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Please don't say that.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Fine. Don't worry about me, I'll
be ok. I'm supposed to be helping
you now. What do you want to do?
                                                            
                       RYAN
I'm going to have to tell him,
then go to plan parenthood, I
guess.
                                                            

21.

                       SCOTT
Are you sure that's what you want
to do? I would take some time and
think about it.
                                                            
                       RYAN
If this was ever to happen in
college or even now, I've already
had my mind made up.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Just be sure about this. If he
doesn't want to help or go with
you, you let me know, ok?
                                                            
                       RYAN
I will. Scott? Are we ok?
Truthful if this was yours I would
probably be keeping it.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ok, that's an interesting thing to
say right now. Yeah, no we're
fine, I just got to go and have a
couple hundred drinks or
something.
                                                            
                       RYAN
I wish I could join you on that.
Go home, I'll be fine. Lee, I'm
sure will help. Thank you Scott,
I don't know where I'd be with out
you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I have no idea where I'd be
without you honestly.
                                                            
 
INT. SCOTT'S TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
JOE and his wife ERICKA are sitting on the couch watching
TV. Scott's Beagle Alex runs jumps into Scott hitting him
in the balls.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Alex down! Damnit dog, my stomach
already is killing me.
                                                            
                       JOE
So how did it go?
                                                            

22.

                       SCOTT
Well you should see the commercial
up on the website tomorrow if they
get it edited in time.
                                                            
                       JOE
I don't care about that, how did
the talk go with Ryan? You know
you left you're poem on the
kitchen table.
                                                            
                       ERICKA
It was so sweet. You're a really
good writer.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah, that. So I found out she's
pregnant.
                                                            
                       ERICKA
Holy shit you're going to be a
daddy?
                                                            
                       JOE
I don't know if I'm ready to be an
uncle dude.
                                                            
                       ERICKA
How would you be an uncle? You're
not related to Scott.
                                                            
                       JOE
I know, but he's like a brother to
me.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well then no worries my brotha
from another mother, it's not
mine.
                                                            
                       JOE
What!? Are you kidding me? You
two were just dating like two
weeks ago.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It's Lee's.
                                                            
                       JOE
Your boss?
                                                            
                       ERICKA
Her ex?
                                                            

23.

                       SCOTT
Yes and yes. I need a drink or
something.
                                                            
                       ERICKA
What is she going to do?
                                                            
                       JOE
Fuck her, what are you going to
do?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Be supportive I guess? I mean
she's going to need someone there
to help right?
                                                            
Joe gets up from the couch and goes to the kitchen.
                                                            
                       ERICKA
I can't believe that happened!
                                                            
                       JOE (OS)
I can!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I just need to be there for her
you know?
                                                            
Joe gives Scott a beer then smacks him across the face.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Dude!
                                                            
                       ERICKA
Joe! What was that for!?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah what the hell man?
                                                            
                       JOE
Scott, she slept with another guy,
again, when you two were together,
again.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
We were on a break.
                                                            
                       JOE
Do you even listen to yourself?
How many times just before or just
after you're on a break does she
hook up with someone?
                                                            

24.

                       SCOTT
It's not like she's cheating on
me.
                                                            
                       JOE
It's still fucked up! She tells
you she loves you then goes and
sleeps with other guys, that's got
to be wrong on some level!
                                                            
                       ERICKA
It is a little messed up. You're
her backup when all these other
guys fall through.
                                                            
                       JOE
What have I been saying since
college?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I can do better.
                                                            
                       JOE
You're an attractive guy. Some
video game and self-esteem issues
aside, but a good guy! I wouldn't
do you, but I know some guys that
would!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Thanks, I think?
                                                            
                       ERICKA
I'd do you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What?
                                                            
                       JOE
What?
                                                            
                       ERICKA
Nevermind forget it.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Remember just roommates you two.
Do I need to sleep with my door
locked tonight?
                                                            
                       JOE
What we're saying is you need to
get out there. You need to go
forget her and date other people.
                                                            

25.

                       SCOTT
I did and she was nuts!
                                                            
                       JOE
Yes, yes she was. But that's just
one girl. Look I'm sure there is
another Meredith type out there,
you just have to keep looking. By
the way I can't go to the funeral
tomorrow, something at work came
up.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Dude. I don't want to go by
myself. Everyone is going to
crying and stuff, I don't do well
around other emotional people.
                                                            
                       JOE
Sorry man.
                                                            
                       ERICKA
I'd go but I have class.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It's fine. Maybe its best I go by
myself. It's going to take a lot
to believe its even real. Alright
good night guys.
                                                            
                       JOE
Good night.
                                                            
Scott heads up stairs to his room.
                                                            
                       ERICKA
Poor guy, just can't catch a
break.
                                                            
                       JOE
It'll turn around. He's a pretty
resilient guy. No where to go but
up.
                                                            
                       ERICKA
Assuming this is bottom right?
                                                            
                       JOE
Anything worse would be the
apocolpyse.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            

26.

Scott climbs the stairs to his room, lays out his work
clothes for tomorrow and climbs into bed. Alex jumps into
bed with Scott and puts his paw and head on Scott's
shoulder.
                                                            
 
INT. CHURCH - DAY
                                                            
Scott walks slowly into the church. Scott follows a sign
pointing to the chapel and Scott sneaks into the back as the
funeral begins. He see LINDSEY and sits down next her. She
gives him a half hug and wipes the tears from her eyes.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Thanks for coming.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Oh course. She was my friend too.
Grant sends his sympathies and he
wishes he was here.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No worries.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
You look completely out of it.
How are you holding up?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm good. Is it bad to think I
just want this to be over with?
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
I guess not. It's ok to feel
emotional or eve cry, I promise I
won't tell Grant.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm not worried about that. If it
happens it happens. I'm too
drained out to do anything like
that right now.
                                                            
PASTOR LORIE, an elderly hippieish pastor, comes up to the
mic in front of Meredith's urn and dozens of arrangements of
flowers.
                                                            
                       PASTOR LORIE
Let us begin. Meredith Robinson
is a beautiful, intelligent,
vibrant young woman, who to the
very least lived life to the
fullest. She is loved by so many
and she touched so many lives. Her
            (MORE)

27.

                       PASTOR LORIE (cont'd)
parents did such a wonderful job
raising a true angel, who will be
missed by everyone. I never had
the distinct pleasure of knowing
Meredith personally, but from
listening and reading about her
actions and goodwill, I know I my
life would have been personally
better having known her.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
People are walking out of the church, some are hugging
Meredith's parents. Scott walks down the step out to the
parking lot with Lindsey.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
What did you think?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It was good. They did a great
job. Her friend's eulogy and her
mom's speach was really touching.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Are you sure you want to go back
to work? I'm sure Grant can cover
for you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'll be ok, the sooner I can focus
on something else the better.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Ok, if you need anything, please
call us. You know Grant and I
would do anything for you, you're
like family to us.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Thanks Lindsey.
                                                            
Scott hugs Lindsey, waves to a few people leaving the
church. Scott walks slowly to his car to the adjacent
parking lot. He gets into us car, turns it on, but then
puts his head against the steering wheel closes his eyes as
tears roll down his cheek.
                                                            
 

28.

INT. E-MATCH.COM OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
Scott and Grant are filling up their cups with coffee in the
break room.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I've been here 3 hours and haven't
spoken to her.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Do you know what she's going to
do?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Returning it to sender I guess.
She's going to be wreck.
                                                            
                       GRANT
You're a better man the me. If I
had been dating someone and she
got pregnant during a break? I
probably would take care of
situation before the STD ridden
nurses at planned parent could.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Dude.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I'm just messing with you. But I'm
really not.
                                                            
Scott and Grant stop talking as Ryan swings into the
breakroom. She heads over to the water cooler to fill up
her water bottle.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I'll catch you later Woods.
Ryan, good to see you again.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Ok, hi Grant.
                                                            
Grant leaves the break room.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Is everything ok?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What are you talking about? Sure
thing, just getting some afternoon
coffee. Who needs those sugary
energy drinks, am I right?
                                                            

29.

                       RYAN
You haven't told anyone have you?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Nope. Not a thing.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Ok cause I haven't even told Lee
yet.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What? That might be one of things
you tell someone right away like
hey there's a numb feeling in my
left arm or there's blood gushing
out my right ear and could someone
please call 911.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Stop joking around. I'm getting to
it. It's not exactly a great
water cooler topic to bring it up.
Why haven't you responded to any
of emails or IMs?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well I was out this morning. I
mean I don't think I saw any of
your emails. Must have gone to
junk mail or something I'll check
them when I get back.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Jesus, Scott, you're not a very
good liar. Forget it, I'll talk
to you later.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Wait, why are you mad at me?
                                                            
Ryan walks away angry. Scott walks out of the breakroom back
down the hallway to his cube. Grant finds Scott.
                                                            
                       GRANT
You need to get back online.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No way. I don't know if I can
handle any more womanly drama
right now.
                                                            

30.

                       GRANT
I know, but lets face the facts,
you need to date, you're not going
to meet anyone here or at the
bars. What's the next option?
Online buddy.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Are you out of your damn mind?
There are too many weirdos and
desperate people, like me online.
I already found one last weekend.
The scoreboard reads Internet,
one, Scott, zero.
                                                            
                       GRANT
So what? Women are all crazy, you
just need to figure out what the
level of crazy you can handle.
Seriously you have nothing to lose
and everything to gain. A good
woman could be the best thing to
get your mind of off Ryan, work,
or even Meredith.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I don't know man.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Just think about it. You're a big
boy, but while you're sulking,
your ex and that.
                                                            
Grant points over to Lee giving Ryan a neck massage at her
desk.
                                                            
                       GRANT (cont'd)
will be slowly forgetting and
moving on from you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
As always thanks for the,
encouragement. I'll think about.
If I continue this I'm using
love-match not ours, can't have it
getting out that would use this
crap to get dates.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Your secret is safe with me.
Besides why would I care which
site your on, you're the one in
sales.
                                                            

31.

Grant walks out of Scott's cube. Scott stares at his blank
Love-Match profile screen. Ryan is loudly giggling at her
desk, Scott begins to type.
                                                            
 
INT. BAKER STREET BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Scott meets up Joe and Ericka and a couple of her nursing
school friends MONICA and Aura at the a table.
                                                            
                       JOE
There he is! Scott this Monica
and Aura.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hi nice to meet you guys.
                                                            
                       AURA
Hi Scott. So you work the E-MATCH
company? I bet you hear about
some crazy dating things there.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah no, its actually really
boring. Nothing really crazy
happens there honestly. So you
guys are friends with Ericka?
                                                            
                       AURA
Yeah we know her from nursing
school. We just thought we'd come
up here to hang out and meet her
roommate.
                                                            
                       JOE
You hear that Scott, they came all
this way to meet little old you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm honored ladies. Well I need
to grab a beer, Joe will you join
me please?
                                                            
Scott wraps his arm over Joe's neck and should as they both
head over to the bar.
                                                            
                       JOE
So what's up dude? What do you
think?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What do I think? Well I'm pretty
sure Tonka truck over there could
do some serious damage if on top
            (MORE)

32.

                       SCOTT (cont'd)
of me and Hora.
                                                            
                       JOE
Aura.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Not in important. But what could
be important is that wedding ring
she has on.
                                                            
                       JOE
Oh that, she's getting divorced or
seperated, whatever. Come on man,
you got to work with what's there.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I appreciate it dude. But I'm
think I'm going to keep at the
internet dating thing.
                                                            
                       JOE
Seriously? I can't believe you'd
even considering it after that
last basket case. Do you have
your phone? I want to see your
profile.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ok but its not fully done yet.
                                                            
Scott hands Joe his phone.
                                                            
                       JOE
Dude get rid of the pic of you and
Ryan as your screen saver.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hey if we get back together I want
it seem as if we never broke up.
                                                            
                       JOE
What if we get back together? You
seriously sound like the biggest
pussy in world. How am I still
friends with you?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Because I know all your secrets.
                                                            
                       JOE
What secrets?
                                                            

33.

                       SCOTT
I don't know, but as soon as I
find them out, then I shall be all
powerful in this friendship. I'll
have hand.
                                                            
                       JOE
Good luck with that. Look if
you're going to stick with the
internet, then by all means, but
please don't go running back to
Ryan at the first wink she gives
you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I can't promise anything. I'm
going to head home, it's been a
long ass day.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm really trying to slowly
distance myself from her. It's
not easy being three cubes away.
                                                            
                       JOE
You know who could help you forget
about all your troubles? One of
those two fine women over there.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'd rather put my face into Rosie
O'Donnells crotch after she just
got done playing a game of soccer.
I'll see you later man.
                                                            
Scott and Joe finish their beers and Scott leaves. Joe
joins Ericka, Aura, and Monica.
                                                            
                       ERICKA
Where did Scott go?
                                                            
                       JOE
I'll explain later.
                                                            
                       AURA
Ah too bad he was cute. He looked
like he was 16 though.
                                                            
                       MONICA
Not really my type, I like a
little bigger maybe a little
bulkier.
                                                            

34.

                       JOE
That's what she said.
                                                            
 
INT. SCOTT'S TOWNHOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Scott is sitting on his couch writing on a note card. Joe
walks in.
                                                            
                       JOE
What's up? Whatcha doing?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Taking a break from Halo. Sick of
the racist pre-teen rants on
there. Besides I need to write a
list of date questions.
                                                            
                       JOE
Date questions? Why are you doing
that?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
For one, I hate dating, secondly
I'm trying to date sober so I'm
coming up with 25 questions to ask
so there is never that awkward
pause. I hate that.
                                                            
                       JOE
It doesn't matter, those pauses
will come, especially after you're
married. You just end up staring
at each other hoping something
interesting will be said. But
then you realize those 25
questions or so have turned into
like a couple hundred and they've
been answered over and over again.
You almost start to pray for her
to develop a mental disease, you
know, just to mix things up.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Is there a problem with the
wonderful wife?
                                                            
                       JOE
She's gone.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I thought she only has class
everyother night?
                                                            

35.

                       JOE
No I mean she gone, back to her
parents. We have broken up.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What the fuck!? When did this
happen?
                                                            
                       JOE
Yesterday, I found out she cheated
on me. So I ended it. You know
me, I can't deal with that.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Just like that! Dude, I'm so,
sorry. I really don't even know
what to say? What did she say?
                                                            
                       JOE
Basically, I cheated on you, will
we be able to work it out? And I
said no you know how I feel out
cheating.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Are you all right? You want to go
grab a beer or something?
                                                            
                       JOE
Sure. You drive.
                                                            
Scott grabs his coat and leaves out with Joe.
                                                            
 
INT. BAKER STREET BAR - DAY
                                                            
Joe and Scott are sitting at a table drinking beer. An
attractive waitress smiles at Joe.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
So what are you going to do?
                                                            
                       JOE
I don't know, go move in with my
brother, and just, move on.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I guess this would be a bad time
to ask when she was going to give
me the rent check. I know you
guys were only married for a
couple years, but you're not even
going to try and go after her?
                                                            

36.

                       JOE
I'm tired of going after her. In
the three years nothing was ever
good enough. She always wanted
more. In a sad way, I'm kind of
releived.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I don't how you're holding it
together so well. I'd be a
freaking wreck.
                                                            
                       JOE
You want to know the kicker? She
got pregnant too. How stupid are
you to cheat but not even use a
condom.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
This story just keeps getting
worse. I can't believe she did
that, I mean I did not think she
was the type at all. She was like
your perfect stereotype for the
wall-flower girl.
                                                            
                       JOE
I know, but I figured something
was going, she was getting
distant. Fucking women, I don't
how you deal with it, especially
with Ryan giving you all sorts of
drama almost every other week.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
She never actually cheated when
she was with me, that I know of.
She was, is, my first love. Most
people are able to get over those
in high school. Here I am, 27,
and haven't been with a girl for
longer than 6 months.
                                                            
                       JOE
I'm sure you'll find some one,
normal, as I know I will. You
can't let those types hold you
back. I know it sucks to think
about now, but Meredith seemingly
liked you. I'm sure there's
someone else like her out there.
                                                            

37.

                       SCOTT
She was a one in million. Can't
do anything about that now though.
                                                            
                       JOE
Except for keep dating, maybe even
move on. That's what I plan on
doing. I even have a date this
weekend.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Jesus dude, you've been single not
even twenty-four hours, how did
you pull that off?
                                                            
                       JOE
I'm just myself, free to spread my
wings, and apparently I'm
perceived as cuddley.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Cuddly, well you do look like
giant mexican bear.
                                                            
                       JOE
I'll take it. And you need to get
back online.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I am but when you said it out loud
it just sounds so weird.
                                                            
                       JOE
Yes it is, but it's a good thing.
I think this has been the most
eventful week ever for the both of
us.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
And how did we come here to talk
about women and you're the one
giving me advice?
                                                            
                       JOE
Wise like grasshopper. Besides
I've had far more experience, now
with my practice marriage and all.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Is that what you're calling it?
                                                            
                       JOE
Yep.
                                                            

38.

                       SCOTT
I don't know what I would do
without your years of wisdom, even
though I'm older.
                                                            
                       JOE
Me neither.
                                                            
 
INT. SEAFOOD RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Scott is sitting at a table in a busy seafood restaurant
with a young blond woman named MEGAN.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
So you're in grad school? What
are you studying?
                                                            
                       MEGAN
I'm going for my masters in
Russian Politics. It's really
interesting, except I'll be over
100 thousand in student loan debt
when I'm done.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Holy shit that's a lot of money.
What kind of job are looking to
get after you graduate?
                                                            
                       MEGAN
I think I want to try and work for
the United Nations.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That would be really cool.
                                                            
                       MEGAN
But I think I'd really like to be
a high school teacher. Maybe
teach civics or history. I'll
probably never be able to pay off
that loan debt, but you know what
they say, if you love what you do
you'll never work a day in your
life.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
And be really poor. Love doesn't
pay those bills.
                                                            

39.

                       MEGAN
Fine, I'll just marry a really
wealthy man, because I'm naturally
a princess. Just kidding, I need
to take my insulin shot real
quick.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh ok, I'll watch your stuff.
                                                            
Megan pulls out a small hand-held case, rolls up her shirt
and puts a small flab of skin on the table. She gives
herself a shot. Scott looks shocked and grossed out.
                                                            
                       MEGAN
I hope needles don't bother you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No but using them in the open or
in say a restaurant on a first
date might.
                                                            
                       MEGAN
I'm sorry, what?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh nothing, I'm just going to go
and get the check.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
In the same seafood restaurant on another date, Scott is
sitting with a young brunette woman named STEPHANIE.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What do you like to do to relax?
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
I like to go hiking, and
occasionally stay home and watch a
movie or two. What do you like to
do?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well to you the truth, I'm not a
big lets go out and explore the
wilderness type thing. But I do
enjoy movies.
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
Ok, are you a democrat or
republican?
                                                            

40.

                       SCOTT
Wow you're going to ask that on
the first date? That's like
asking the details of losing your
virginity.
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
Oh come on, it's important to me
to know.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Is there an option C?
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
You mean like the tea party?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh god no, I was thinking more
like none of the above. I guess
I'm socially liberal but fiscally
conservative, so whatever that
makes me.
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
So you're pro-choice?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I believe it's a woman's right to
choose what's best. I don't
believe God, or especially the
government should say one way or
another.
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
I'm very pro-life, but I won't
hold that against you since you're
a man.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What does that mean?
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
Nothing. Scott can I just be
honest with you?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That's usually a good way to start
off any relationship.
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
Good, I just want to get something
off my chest. I just got out of a
7 year relationship and I just
moved in with my parents. Is that
            (MORE)

41.

                       STEPHANIE (cont'd)
bad?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That's cool. I mean I just got of
a bad relationship too a couple
months ago. The parents thing is
fine, it can be like we're in high
school again. So when did you and
you're boyfriend break up?
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
I was going to break up with him
after this date. Just wanted to
make sure.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You haven't broke up with him yet?
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
Well no. I needed to make sure I
had a back up, just in case. That
would just be crazy not to right?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
So isn't this cheating then?
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
If you play you're cards right it
could be. Come on, don't you know
the number reason people get in
with the internet dating scene is
to cheat on their spouse? I mean
you work for the freaking company.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I did not know that. But I think
I just got a new question to ask
next time on a date.
                                                            
                       STEPHANIE
Oh yeah, what's that?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Are you single and not an
opportunistic whore?
                                                            
 
INT. SCOTT'S TOWNHOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Scott is sitting on the couch texting and Joe is playing
video games.
                                                            

42.

                       SCOTT
Oh god. Ok this girl has texted
me like 13 times in the past 45
minutes. Should I be concerned?
                                                            
                       JOE
Dude that's a good thing. That
usually means she likes you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Or she's insane.
                                                            
                       JOE
How many times have you gone out
with this one?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
This will be the first time night.
                                                            
                       JOE
Oh. Ok yeah there could be some
issues. When and where are you
guys going to meet?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Tonight, just at the bar. She's a
flight attendent.
                                                            
                       JOE
I heard those girls are freaky.
Not puke in your bed, shoot up
with insulin at dinner freaky but
you know, a good time freaky.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hate you. Why do you have to
remember stuff?
                                                            
                       JOE
So you will learn.
                                                            
Scott's phone vibrates from another text.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah, this probably going to be a
one and done.
                                                            
                       JOE
What is this girl saying to you
that she can't just wait until
tonight?
                                                            

43.

                       SCOTT
Well, that she's excited to meet
me. She asking all the standard
issue first date questions, like
what's favorite color, food, shit
like that. She's taking away all
my planned material.
                                                            
                       JOE
You can't think of anything else
to do or say on a first date?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Joe! You know I'm a virgin. I
like to keep everything
sophisticated on the first date.
                                                            
                       JOE
Right. That's worked out so well
for you.
                                                            
Scott's phone buzzes again from another text.
                                                            
                       JOE
Seriously, I can't wait to hear
about this one.
                                                            
 
INT. BAKER STREET BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Scott and a young short redheaded woman, LUCIE, are sitting
at the bar drinking beers.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Come on pussy! This was my 5th
beer!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ok ok, I don't want to get too
drunk and have you take advantage
of me.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Why wouldn't you want me to take
advantage of you? Don't you think
I'm hot?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh I was just thinking of my poor
performance skills under these
drinking conditions.
                                                            

44.

                       LUCIE
Worried about your performance
skills are we? Well all I think
you need is a little, confidence.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Confidence I have, coordination
not so much.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
So what, you're just going to try
poking holes in my stomach?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Wouldn't be the first time. I'll
find a hole at some point. Does
the belly button count?
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Freaky, I like that.
                                                            
Lucie leans over to Scott and gently kisses his neck and
ear.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Fantastic. Now I can't stand up,
and I really have to pee.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
You're too cute. Just show it
off, know body will care.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That family over eating with their
two point five kids might care.
Maybe if I walk over to the
bathroom like my back hurts.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Well hurry up and go. Meet me
outside and we'll walk back to my
place. I'm just a couple of
blocks down.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You're ready to leave already?
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Yeah they called last call like 30
minutes ago.
                                                            

45.

                       SCOTT
Oh well, I guess, I'm drunk then.
Or hard of hearing, or both.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Would you hurry up and go pee?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Sounds like a plan. Ok, baseball,
chairs, grandma in her bra.
                                                            
Scott walks over to the bathroom hutched over.
                                                            
 
EXT. LUCIE'S NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT
                                                            
Scott and Lucie are walking through a suburban neighborhood
through the dark.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
This is a really nice
neighborhood.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Are you surprised?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
A little bit. When you pass by
two gun stores, three pawn shops,
and a dozen liquor stores, I tend
to worry a little.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Diversity Scott, besides now you
know what neighborhood to stop by
when the Apocalypse happens. All
the guns and booze you'll ever
need!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That is probably the smartest
thing I've heard all day.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Well here we are.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Wow, nice!
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Thanks! Now wait here, I got a
little surprise for you.
                                                            

46.

                       SCOTT
A surprise? Is it money?
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Just wait here drunky, I'll tell
you when to come in.
                                                            
Scott sits down on the front porch swing. Scott does a
quick sniff test of us breathe and arm-pits. Lucie, peers
through the front door signaling Scott to come in.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
Scott walks through the front door, there is candelit table
with dishes set out, no food. Lucie is standing and the
edge of the living room in a sexy nighty.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh my.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Do you like it?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm drunk, you're going to need to
stand closer for me to see.
                                                            
Lucie walks over to Scott and puts her arms around his neck
looking up at him.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Ok big boy, you have a choice to
make. You can either have option
one the couch to sleep on, option
two which is some left over pizza,
or option three.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Option three is you?
                                                            
                       LUCIE
You win! How did you know?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well you know, I am smart cause
I've been know to read. Thanks
Reading Rainbow!
                                                            
                       LUCIE
You talk a lot more when you're
drunk. You're actually quite
interesting. Now follow me to
claim your prize.
                                                            

47.

Lucie takes Scott's hand and leads him to her bed room. She
throws him on the bed.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I swear I get man handled more and
more by women.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
I'm going to make you my bitch
tonight.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm down. Lucie right?
                                                            
                       LUCIE
      (moaning)
Oh Scott.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I just want to avoid any
confusion.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
Ok stop talking.
                                                            
Lucie crawls under the covers. They begin to make out.
Lucie takes Scott's hand and puts it down below the covers
to her crotch. Scott has a concentrated look on his face as
he works on Lucie. Lucie moans to an orgasm, Scott stops
and tries to climb on top of Lucie, she denies him.
                                                            
                       LUCIE
One second, let me, gather myself.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh sure, no problem.
                                                            
Scott kisses her shoulders and neck, Lucie passes out and
begins to snore loudly into Scott's ear.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Lucie, Lucie? Fantastic.
                                                            
Scott gets up in the dark bedroom and makes his way to
bathroom. He flips on the light walks to the mirror, pulls
his hand up to face and reacts to shock as it's covered in
blood.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (quietly)
What the fuck!? Is this? Oh my
god, oh my god.
                                                            

48.

Scott feverishly throws his hands under the sink and scrubs
down with lots of soap. He washes off, walks back into the
bedroom and grabs his clothes and leaves the house.
                                                            
 
INT. E-MATCH.COM OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Scott walks into the entrance of the office building. He
gets to his cube, throws his jacket to floor, then softly
lays his head ontop of his keyboard. His phone rings and he
ignores it. Grant knocks on his cube wall.
                                                            
                       GRANT
What's the point of having a phone
if you're not going to answer it?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Shut up.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I kinda of want to hear about the
date again. It doesn't even seem
real or possible.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It was all too real.
                                                            
                       GRANT
You didn't go down on her did you?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No, no, no, my god, I can't even
fathom what would have happened if
I did that.
                                                            
                       GRANT
You would have gotten your red
wings my friend. How did she not
know? How did you not know?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It was dark! And I was drunk. She
was the one that put my hand down
there, I thought I was going to
laid.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Dude, I would say I'm sorry but
this is just, too you. This could
not happen to anyone but you. Have
you talked to her since?
                                                            

49.

                       SCOTT
No. She texted me the next
morning, asking me where I was. I
didn't respond.
                                                            
                       GRANT
She probably woke up and looked at
her bed and wondered if someone
got murdered.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I can't keep doing this. Maybe
the church is accepting
applications for a young man given
up on women.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Why do 10 year old boys seem
appealing?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
At least they won't bleed on me,
shoot up in restaurant, or try and
puke in your bed during sex.
                                                            
                       GRANT
So you've had a few bad dates, get
over it. You know how many women
I went through until I figured out
Lindsey was the one? That girl is
not just going to fall into your
lap. Pun intended.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Nice. I like what you did there.
                                                            
                       GRANT
My point is not every woman out
there is going to shit on your
heart, or give you the best day
after story ever to tell to all
your friends.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Why is everyone pushing me to find
this woman? I mean what if I just
want to take some time off?
                                                            
                       GRANT
You could do that. But the last
time you tried that, you fell
right back to her. It's like she
smells your desperation.
                                                            

50.

Ryan knocks on Scott's cube and joins in with Grant.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Speak of the devil.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Hey Scott, Grant.
                                                            
                       GRANT
So were parents just confused on
what the differences between the
penis and the vagina looked like
before the named you?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Not now.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Just because your dad has a penis
big enough to have your mom shoot
you out her asshole doesn't mean
you should live up to your
pre-determined name.
                                                            
                       GRANT
What?
                                                            
                       RYAN
You're an asshole.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Ahh, I get it. Clever girl.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Anyways, Scott can we go to lunch.
I want to talk to you.
                                                            
Grant is waving at Scott "no" in the background.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I guess.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Cool, thanks. Come and get me when
you're ready to go to lunch.
                                                            
Ryan walks away from Scott's cube.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Dude it's a trap. She knows your
desperate, like blood in the
water, or blood on your hand.
                                                            

51.

                       SCOTT
What could she possibly say or do
right now that could trap me into
anything worse? Seriously?
                                                            
                       GRANT
Ok. I warned you. I want a full
report when you get back. And I
really do need that sales report
when you get back too.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You still work here?
                                                            
                       GRANT
Barely.
                                                            
 
INT. POTTS RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Scott and Ryan are sitting at a table in the middle of the
restaurant.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
God I come here a lot.
                                                            
                       RYAN
So how's the internet dating
going?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well, I would tell you great, but
you know too me well.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Yeah that vein on the side of your
head has been showing up a lot
more lately. So what's the
problem?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well I don't want to gross you
out, especially here. Most of them
are literally insane.
                                                            
                       RYAN
They can't all be that bad.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Let's see, I've dated a cutter, a
raging alcoholic, a bleeder, I'm
sure a couple of meth addicts.
                                                            

52.

                       RYAN
I think you're being too dramatic.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No unfortunately not. They're
real, they're all so very, very
real.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Well how long are you going to
continue to do the internet thing?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
My memebership is up. I don't
want to pay again, just to have
these experiences all over.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Sorry Scott, they all can't be as
awesome as me. Kidding of course.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What did you want to talk about?
                                                            
                       RYAN
Just to see how you're holding up.
It feels like forever since we
talked last.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
How are things going with Lee?
                                                            
                       RYAN
They're ok. He's doing what he
should be doing given the
situtation.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
How are you doing then?
                                                            
                       RYAN
That's what I wanted to talk to
you about. I don't want to get
back together, per say, but I've
thinking about maybe just seeing
if we can work on the little
things.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Really? I don't know, Ryan, you
always seem to know when I'm most
vulnerable. You know that? What
about Lee?
                                                            

53.

                       RYAN
Lee and I were never together, I
just needed him to help me get
through the pregnancy thing. He
knows that and that was his
responsibility. I couldn't drag
you through that, though you would
have probably been more helpful.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Don't get me wrong Ryan, I'm
excited to try and work on things
again. I mean we've been through
a lot. But I can't help but feel
like I've been here before and I
want to make sure this is
different.
                                                            
                       RYAN
I completely agree. I can't
promise anything though. I'm not
goint to say this is going to lead
to full blown relationship or
anything. We can just see what
happens.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I know. I know I can be better. I
know I need to more emotionally
available and everthing.
                                                            
                       RYAN
No Scott, you do fine, in fact
maybe sometimes you're too
emotional involved with me. You
don't always have to wear your
heart on your sleeve.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That's particularly hard to do
when you're constantly trying to
win you over 100 other guys.
                                                            
                       RYAN
What 100 guys? You shouldn't have
to try and win me over, just, for
once be yourself. If that means
less emotional outbursts and
jealousy, we might actually get
along longer than a single week.
                                                            

54.

                       SCOTT
Do you want to maybe get together
tonight and just talk?
                                                            
                       RYAN
That sounds ok. You want to come
over after dinner?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Its a date then.
                                                            
 
INT. RYAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Ryan is drinking a glass of wine on the couch, Scott is in
the kitchen walking out with a tv dinner.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You would think that after getting
this new sales position I'd be
able to afford to eat better.
                                                            
                       RYAN
I know, right? I still can't grow
out of the after college meals.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Look I know I didn't tell you
everything that was going on
before, and I'm going to try to be
more truthful with you too.
                                                            
                       RYAN
You get just so riled up. Then
it's like you become a completely
different person.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I know. It's just when, I see you
with other guys, just conversing,
I just get so down. It seems like
they all purposely trying to take
you away from me. I just get so
stressed out then I just lose it.
Everything just seems so far away,
in a daze almost, next thing I
know, you're gone.
                                                            
                       RYAN
You have to be more trusting of me
Scott. Yeah I have flirtatious
personality, but that doesn't mean
I'm not going to hook up with
every guy I meet. If I'm with
            (MORE)

55.

                       RYAN (cont'd)
you, I'm with only you, but if
were not together, then you or I
are free to be with whoever we
want, right?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah, but let's face it, you have
an easier time meeting guys then I
do.
                                                            
                       RYAN
You meet plenty of women! Look at
how many dates you've been on in
past couple of months. And
Meredith?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
With the help of internet. Besides
Meredith was more of a friend than
anything else.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Well I'm sure the internet will
bring you more happiness than just
video games or porn.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh it does for everyone else, all
the cheating husbands and wives
that are there are having plenty
of fun.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Do you feel better?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah I'm glad we talked. This was
good. I can't lose you to one of
those losers that seem to find
you.
                                                            
                       RYAN
They do have some sort of weird
attachment to me. You know you
can talk to me about anything
right? I mean we've always been
able to work shit out. It hasn't
always been easy with me, I get
that, but I'm always listen and do
what I can to keep you around.
                                                            

56.

                       SCOTT
I know.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Ok good. Now I have to go get
ready. I'm meeting a friend out
for drinks tonight. You remember
Mark? He's back in town and I
told him I'd hang out for a drink
or two.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh. Yeah. Him. Why is he back
here?
                                                            
                       RYAN
Jesus Scott, don't sound so
excited.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well I mean when you weren't with
me in college, he was sort of your
fuck buddy.
                                                            
                       RYAN
That was a long time ago. We're
just going out for a few drinks
and maybe playing some pool.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Sounds like fun. Be safe. You
want to hang out over the weekend
some?
                                                            
                       RYAN
Sure, tomorrow I'm going to see my
parents but I'll give you a call
later.
                                                            
Scott heads to the door, Ryan kisses him goodnight. Scott
smiles and walks down the stairwell in a very upbeat mood.
                                                            
 
INT. SCOTT'S TOWNHOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Scott comes in the front door and is greeted by the dog. Joe
comes down the stairs.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Sorry dude, didn't mean to wake
you.
                                                            

57.

                       JOE
I'm just going down here to get a
drink of water.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Gotcha, I mean I guess the sun is
still out and it's a Friday. No
reason you should be in bed.
                                                            
                       JOE
Where have you been out to?
Another date?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh, yeah, just this one chick
nothing special though.
                                                            
                       JOE
What was her name?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Um, Amber?
                                                            
                       JOE
Amber huh? Red-head? You got a
thing for red-heads don't you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No I don't.
                                                            
                       JOE
Didn't you see an Amber a couple
of weeks ago? It wasn't the same
one was it?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Nope.
                                                            
                       JOE
Ok what's going on? I can tell
when you lie to me dude.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What are you my wife? I went out
on a date.
                                                            
                       JOE
I've known you for eleven years,
you always look to your left
everytime you lie.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You're out of your mind!
                                                            

58.

                       JOE
See! You did it again!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Shit, I need new, less familar
friends. Or at least a new way to
lie. Ok I went and talked with
Ryan tonight. We just talked,
just to see if there's anything
left.
                                                            
                       JOE
You guys didn't hookup or
anything?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No, I mean we kind of sort of
kissed. Nothing else.
                                                            
Joe puts down his glass of water, walks over to Scott. Scott
covers his face and Joe slaps Scott in the balls.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Fuck! Dude!
                                                            
                       JOE
I'm surprised you even felt that.
Seeing as how she still has your
balls. Dude same trap, the same
exact thing that's happened like
100 times and you're being pulled
right back in it.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It's different. We're going to
take it slow. Ah, my stomach
hurts.
                                                            
                       JOE
Now if you'll excuse me I'm going
back to my room where a hot naked
woman lies waiting to be fucked
again. See unlike you, I've moved
on.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I know! I know. She just has
this hold over me, I can't seem to
shake it. Wait who's up there?
                                                            
                       JOE
Never mind that! Last time,
Scott. Pull your shit together
and until then I don't want to
            (MORE)

59.

                       JOE (cont'd)
hear her name mentioned in this
house or in my presence. Cool?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Fine.
                                                            
Joe takes his glass of water back up stair. Scott still
hunched over gathers himself. Scott and notices his wallet
is missing. Scott calls Ryan and leaves a message.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hey it's me, I think I left my
wallet at your place. I'll just
come by tomorrow and pick it up
with my spare key.
                                                            
Scott goes and lays down in his bed. He pulls out a picture
of him and Ryan out from his nightstand. He stares at until
he falls asleep.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
The next morning Scott is heading down stair. He sees Joe
kissing a blond girl goodbye at the front door. She leaves
and Joe turns to Scott.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Wow. Nice dude. She's hot.
                                                            
                       JOE
I think so.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You're all about the blondes.
                                                            
                       JOE
I know what I like. Sorry about
smacking you in nuts last night.
You deserved it, but just wanted
to say sorry. It's just that
woman gets me all hot under the
collar and not in the good Las
Vegas way.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
We're cool. Can't say I blame
you.
                                                            
                       JOE
Where you out to?
                                                            

60.

                       SCOTT
Um, she who can not be named has
my wallet, so I need to go pick it
up. You want to go?
                                                            
                       JOE
No I'll pass and it's she who will
not be named.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Whatever, I never read the books.
                                                            
                       JOE
How could you have not read the
books? Alright, get the fuck out
of here before I smack you in the
face this time.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm going.
                                                            
Scott punches Joe in the chest and quickly darts out the
front door.
                                                            
                       JOE
Fucker. I know where you live!
                                                            
 
INT. RYAN'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Scott uses his spare key, walks around then enters the
bedroom. Scott picks up his wallet and sees Ryan's diary.
Scott picks up the diary and reads the last entry.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
      (reading)
Mark came over last night. It was
good to see him again, brought
back some old feelings, he stayed
the night and we totally...
                                                            
Scott quickly closes the diary and puts it down on the
nightstand.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You got to be fucking kidding me.
                                                            
Scott leaves Ryan's apartment and heads down to his car.
Scott dry heaves a couple of times before his finally gets
into his car and peels out of the parking lot.
                                                            
 

61.

INT. SCOTT'S TOWNHOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Scott is laying in his bed wide awake. Joe knocks on the
door and Scott throws the sheets back over his head.
                                                            
                       JOE
Not going to work today either?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Nope.
                                                            
                       JOE
Alright, I know I'm going to
regret asking, but what happened?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Nothing.
                                                            
                       JOE
You know eventually they're going
to put out a missing persons
report for you if you don't, you
know, actually come out of your
room. Then you know I'm going to
get blamed, hispanic male living
with a white guy in a nice house?
I'll get deported faster than
Paris Hilton in Africa. Besides
I'm sure the dog would like to go
outside or be fed.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
True. Ok, so you know last
weekend I went over to the whore's
house to get my phone. I found
out she slept with someone the
night I went over to work things
out with her. I mean I know we
aren't together or anything.
                                                            
                       JOE
I knew I would regret asking.
Seriously again? She's done this
to you more than I can count now
dude. It doesn't matter if she was
with you or not, she pulled you
along, then digs at your heart
with a wooden spoon.
                                                            

62.

                       SCOTT
Fuck. I hate this shit. I hate
her. I hate that job and having
to see her. I really hate how I
can't say anything to her either.
                                                            
                       JOE
Why not?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Cause, I sort of read part of her
diary.
                                                            
                       JOE
Idiot! You know we're not
supposed to read that damn thing!
It's like the book of horrors.
You'll see shit in there that will
haunt your dreams for years.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Seriously, I will never ever do
that again, ever. It's like the
words were bleeding off the pages.
Written in blood by satan herself.
                                                            
                       JOE
So are you going to get up and go
to work or do I need to call your
mom?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No! No, no I'm up. I'll go.
                                                            
                       JOE
Ok good. If I even sense that
you're talking to Ryan, I will
call your mom and tell her
everything.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Bastard. Ok deal. Why do you
have my mom's phone number?
                                                            
                       JOE
Wouldn't you like to know.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It's cool. I got your mom's.
                                                            
                       JOE
What!?
                                                            

63.

                       SCOTT
What? She's a good cook.
                                                            
Joe leaves Scott's room. Scott prepares for work.
                                                            
 
INT. E-MATCH.COM OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Scott sneaks into his cube. Grant walks into Scott's cube
from behind.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Where the fuck have you been?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Were you worried?
                                                            
                       GRANT
A little. I thought you got a new
job and you left me here by
myself.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Unfortunately not. Just needed
some time away.
                                                            
                       GRANT
No worries. I covered for you.
Told everyone you're facial herpes
broke out again.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Gross. Seriously what did you
say?
                                                            
                       GRANT
No that's what I told them.
Figured it would gross them out
enough so they wouldn't come back
with too many questions.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Nice work, actually.
                                                            
                       GRANT
So I know dude.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Know what?
                                                            
                       GRANT
The Ryan thing.
                                                            

64.

                       SCOTT
Joe! Do guys just like get
together every night and talk
about me?
                                                            
                       GRANT
Wow someone is full of himself. No
he just texted me what happened.
Besides I needed to know if you
were ever coming back in here.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Fine.
                                                            
                       GRANT
It is what is dude. I can't
believe you even came back here at
all. I mean working just twenty
feet away from the woman that
stabbed you in the back again.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah I know.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I mean, I'd take ditch digging job
before coming back here before
staring at the back of her big
head and perfect big ass again.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Why does it have to be perfect?
                                                            
                       GRANT
Because your God hates you. Here
I did you a favor.
                                                            
Grant hands over a piece of paper to Scott.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What is it?
                                                            
                       GRANT
It's a free two day pass to our
site. I'd say give it one more
shot. Then it will be whatever.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Man, I don't know. Right now I
just want to punch anyone with a
set of tits and a vagina.
                                                            

65.

                       GRANT
You don't have to use it right
away. Actually just within this
week, which you've missed most of,
so yeah you need use it real soon.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
They're going to be the death of
me.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Don't worry about getting her
back. I took some, used toilet
paper from this morning and wiped
down her keyboard and mouse this
morning. Can anyone say pink-eye?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You did what?
                                                            
                       GRANT
Oh yeah, and those spicy brats did
not treat me well this morning.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh my god, that's, awesome. I
don't know what I would do with
out you.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I don't know either, though I'm
pretty sure it would end up on the
national news.
                                                            
Grant leaves Scott's cube. Ryan peers over to Scott and
waves. Scott rolls his eyes. Ryan turns to her keyboard
starts to type then awkwardly sniffs her hands. Scott
chuckles then looks over Grant's free-trial card.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
Scott is working watching the clock, it reads 5pm. Ryan
comes over to Scott's desk.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Hey, we're going out for happy
hour. You want to come?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh no thanks. I need to finish
these reports before I leave.
                                                            

66.

                       RYAN
Ok. Is everything alright? I
don't think I've ever seen you
work so hard, or stay past four.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm good. I'm fine. I'll just
see you Monday?
                                                            
                       RYAN
Ok. I'll try and see you over the
weekend if I can.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That's awesome, just give me a
call. Have a good fun time
tonight.
                                                            
Ryan leaves and Grant comes over.
                                                            
                       GRANT
You're still here?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
God that was painful. All I want
to do is scream and puke every
time I talk to her.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Did you use the trial?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Got a date here in about thirty
minutes.
                                                            
                       GRANT
You going dressed like that?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Fuck it. I don't have time to go
home and change.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Awesome, what's her name?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Leslie. I've actually seen her
profile before, so I was really
hoping she'd email me back.
                                                            

67.

                       GRANT
Well sir, good luck. It will be
nice to see you come in Monday
with a smile for once.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm just going to go and have fun
regardless.
                                                            
Scott grabs his coat and heads out with Grant.
                                                            
 
INT. POTT'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT
                                                            
Scott walks into the entrance of Potts and a young brunette
sitting in the waiting section stands up.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
You're late.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What? I'm only five, ten, fifteen
minutes, wow, that's pretty damn
late. Sorry, work and traffic
sucked today.
                                                            
Scott and LESLIE are led to a table.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Why are you so dressed up? Do you
have to wear that everyday?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah for the most part. I feel
like a tool and punching myself.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
No, it looks good. You look very
adult.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Thanks. You look good yourself.
Your profile picture does not do
you justice.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So you're saying I look ugly on my
profile? Is that what you're
saying?
                                                            

68.

                       SCOTT
No, no, no, I'm saying that you
look even better in person than
online.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
I'm just messing with you. It's
just my sense of humor.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh ok, good, I'm not going to lie,
I was little worried there. So
what do you do for work?
                                                            
                       LESLIE
I work retail, women's clothing.
I'm a visual manager and I hate
it.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I have no idea what that is. And
I hate my job as well.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So how long have been on E-Match?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I actually work there.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Really? So do you get discounts
or free memeberships?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Negative. The company actually
hates people, and occasionally
sacrifice babies on Fridays. I
don't participate, but I hear its
catered quiet nicely.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Sounds like an interesting place.
I work with whole bunch of idiot
kids. It's like running a
nursery. How has your experience
been online thus far?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Not good, not good at all thus
far. If only I could tell you the
stories. So what do you do for
fun?
                                                            

69.

                       LESLIE
Well, I like going to movies,
sci-fi mostly. I hate scary
movies. Hanging out drinking beer
laid back kind of stuff. Don't
make fun of me, but I play World
of Warcraft and the Sims too.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Do you realize you just said like
the three most perfect answers to
that question, that I've heard.
Are you real? Do you like to hike
and that outdoor stuff?
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Yes I'm real! And no hiking is not
exactly something I enjoy. How
many of these dates have you been
on?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Enough. But I'll leave those
stories out there until we don't
have anything left to talk about
and you don't find me interesting
anymore.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So you're already assuming you
have another date with me don't
you?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Um, maybe. Wait, that's the sense
of humor striking again.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Yes, I am funny believe it or not.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That would have been funny if I
weren't incredibly nervous.
                                                            
Both Scott and Leslie laugh a little. Leslie reaches out
and holds Scott's hand across the table.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
Leslie and Scott are walking outside to the parking lot.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Well this is me.
                                                            

70.

                       SCOTT
I don't want this to come off the
wrong way, but this is first,
first date that I've been on in a
long time I'm not carrying the
date home. Or she's not carrying
me home.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Wouldn't that be a good thing to
have a drunken chick to take home?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah, no. It never quite works
out the way it does in the movies.
So I'm just saying, this is nice.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Good. Cause I'm not like that,
you're going to have to work to
get to me. What are you doing
tomorrow?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Nothing, you want to hang out
tomorrow?
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Yeah, unless you don't want to.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No, I mean sure. Pick you at
around lunch?
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Just give me a call. Good night
Scott.
                                                            
Leslie hugs Scott and kisses him on the cheek. Scott leaves
to his car.
                                                            
 
EXT. LESLIE'S APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY
                                                            
Scott pulls up in his car, Leslie meets him and hops into
the car.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So what do you have in store for
me today?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Mini-golf?
                                                            

71.

                       LESLIE
Awesome! I'm totally going to
kick your ass.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Whatever! I'm the white Tiger
Woods, except without all the
baggage and sluts.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
We'll just have to see about that.
                                                            
Scott and Leslie head out to play mini-golf. Montage of
Leslie draining putt after putt. Then they turn in their
clubs to the attendant. On the first hole Leslie hits a
hole in one.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ok seriously?
                                                            
                       LESLIE
What? I've played a lot.
                                                            
On each hole Scott struggles more and more while Leslie is
hitting two and three putt games. They get to the last
hole, Scott finally wins a hole.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I would celebrate but that was
just in embarassing.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Don't be upset. I like winning.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Upset would being beaten by one or
two shots, humiliation would be me
just getting beat by over ten
strokes.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So now what?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
We can go back to my place and you
can meet my roommate and dog.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So soon? Do you think your
roommate is ready to meet me?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Probably.
                                                            

72.

                       LESLIE
Oh thanks.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It's not like it's my mom, even
though he may act like her
sometimes.
                                                            
Scott and Leslie hand in their clubs. Scott buys Leslie ice
cream as they head out to the car.
                                                            
 
INT. SCOTT'S TOWNHOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Scott and Leslie go into Scott's home and see Joe watching
TV.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hey Joe. This is Leslie, Leslie
this my roommate and subsequent
best friend Joe.
                                                            
                       JOE
Hi, nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Nice to meet you to.
                                                            
                       JOE
Wow he must really like you. It
took him like three months before
I met his ridiculous ex.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Really? Well I am pretty
impressive. Seriously though I'm
excited to meet you, Scott talks
very highly of you.
                                                            
                       JOE
Ahhhh he's so cute.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ahhhh, ok gross.
                                                            
Scott's dog Alex, runs down the stairs and jumps to Leslie.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Alex down! Sorry, he's a jumper.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
No, it's fine. Cute dog. Alex
right?
                                                            

73.

                       SCOTT
Yep.
                                                            
                       JOE
So what have you guys been up
today?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Played a little mini-golf.
                                                            
                       JOE
Fun.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Yeah I whooped his ass too.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hey I wanted to be nice. You
know, let you know win?
                                                            
                       JOE
Whatever dude! You think he sucks
at that, you should see him bowl.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Shutup! I am not skilled in the
ways of carnival games.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Bowling its not a carnival game.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Sure it is, am sure it came from
ski-ball or something.
                                                            
                       JOE
You're an idiot. Well it was nice
to meet you Leslie, I'm out to go
see a couple friends for drinks
and dancing.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You mean to see your girlfriend?
                                                            
                       JOE
No. I don't have one of those.
I'm just looking to have fun not
get married.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Interesting philosophy.
                                                            

74.

                       JOE
It's worked so far. Leslie,
hopefully I'll get to see you
again.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm sure you will, assuming I
don't screw it up.
                                                            
                       JOE
Yeah don't do that.
                                                            
Joe leaves.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Well we should be going back. I
got to work early tomorrow.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ok let me go change. I'm pretty
sweaty between being nervous and
that it being hundred degrees out
there.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Very sexy.
                                                            
 
INT. LESLIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Leslie and Scott walk into Leslie's small apartment.
Leslie's dog Roxie greets Scott.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Your dog could totally kick my
dog's ass.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
No. She's as dainty as a flower.
So welcome to the ghetto! I have
a lovely Hispanic family below my
with about eight different kids
playing at all hours of the night.
An excellent white trash couple
above that argue then make up with
some very angry but brief sex.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Sounds like my kind of place.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Do you want anything to drink?
                                                            

75.

                       SCOTT
I'm ok. Thank you though.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So tell me about your ex.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
My ex? You mean Ryan?
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Yeah I figured we might as well
air all of this out right now. I
know I what too.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ok. You go first.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Alright. So I got with ex about
five years ago in college. After
we graduated we moved to Texas.
Things were ok for awhile, but he
traveled a lot. Then I slowly
found out how bad a drunk he was.
He would constantly berate me when
he got wasted, he was never
physical, but his anger was not a
fun thing to deal with. I didn't
want to break up with him there,
so I waited.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You would have been trapped there.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Yeah I wasn't a fan really of
Texas, of course we lived out in
the middle of nowhere too. But he
got a different job and we moved
here. I gave it a chance for a
month but he didn't change. I
broke up with him and had to deal
with tirade after tirade for
another couple of weeks until I
found a place to live. It was
absolutely horrible.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I can only imagine. Do you still
talk to him?
                                                            

76.

                       LESLIE
No. Definitely not. He's not the
type of person who can break up
with someone and remain friends
and with the things he called me,
I'm not interested in ever having
to deal with him again. So that's
my story. What's the deal with
Ryan?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Right, so, she and I met in
college. She broke up with her
boyfriend of seven years, who is
now a boss of mine, and we got
together a couple weeks later. It
was good for the first six months
or so, but then her ex Lee, crept
back into the picture.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Don't you work with Ryan too?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah, it's terrible triangle. We
exchanged the whole I love you's,
my first time saying it actually,
but only to have her take it all
back.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Ouch, why she'd do that?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
She said she was still in love
with Lee and that she has confused
her feelings for me for him. So
after that and for the next five
years we did the whole off and on
thing. She did some questionable
things, and I wasn't always a good
person to her either.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Did you ever cheat on her?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No, sometimes I wish did
vendictively, but I never did.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Did she?
                                                            

77.

                       SCOTT
Sort of, I mean there were times
when she was seeing someone else
the same thing was trying to work
things out with me. The sad thing
is I haven't really ever got a
chance to be angry at her. Just
to call her out on her bullshit. I
mean she's actually a really cool
person, crazy, but someone easy to
become friends with.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Do you think you're over her?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I think I've been mentally done
with her for about year now. I'm
just constantly reminded that
she's there, everyday when I go
into work.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
That's hard. Do you guys talk
even still?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I try not too. It's just awkward,
and I hate awkward conversations
especially at work.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Well, I'm glad you're over her.
And I'm even happier that you got
online to meet me.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I wish I had met you earlier.
You're my living proof that not
all women suck. Or that not all
online women are crazy.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Everything happens for a reason,
and most of the time we have to go
through an incredible amount of
shit to get what we finally want
and need.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That was really profound, and hot.
                                                            
Scott leans over to kiss Leslie in slow and passionate kiss.
                                                            

78.

                       LESLIE
You're a good kisser.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No way? Seriously?
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Well I'm sure I helped too.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Probably, 60/40.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Whatever! Good night Scott. I
can't wait to see you again.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Good night Leslie. I will
definitely give you a call this
week.
                                                            
Scott leaves Leslie's apartment. Giddy he skips down the
stairs and out past a couple of thugs and homeless pushing
shopping cars.
                                                            
 
INT. SCOTT'S TOWNHOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Scott is sitting at his desk on the computer. Joe pops in
with the same blond woman and then leaves. Scott just
smiles and shakes his head. Scott is typing a message to
Meredith.
                                                            
                       SCOTT (VO)
Dear Meredith, it feels like
forever since we talked. I wanted
write you to let you know that I
think I've finally found someone
special. I've been seeing her for
a couple of months now, and I
can't seem to find to anything
wrong with her, is it bad that I
even think I have to look for
something like that? I wish you
could meet her you two are lot a
like and would get along probably
too well. I've just about all but
gotten over Ryan, I know, it's
about damn time. I wish I had
just taken your advice sooner. You
always did know what was best, but
as usual I was too dumb to
understand. I just wanted to take
a time out and write you to update
            (MORE)

79.

                       SCOTT (cont'd)
you. I'll write to you again
soon. We all miss you.
                                                            
Scott presses the send button. Looks down at Alex and rubs
his big ears and smiles.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Would you like a new mommy? I
know you would you like one almost
as much as I do. I mean, a
girlfriend, not a mom for me, I
already have one of those.
Nevermind, you're such a good boy.
                                                            
 
INT. GRANT & LINDSEY'S CONDO - NIGHT
                                                            
Lindsey, Grant, Scott, and Leslie are gathered around
playing a board game in the living room.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Its so nice to finally meet you.
Scott has told us so much about
you.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Hopefully nothing but good things.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well, I haven't mentioned your on
the FBI most wanted and that you
kill puppies, but other than that
nothing but good things.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Oh shut up Scott. No, he says
he's extremely happy.
                                                            
                       GRANT
All things considered you're like
the biggest step up I've seen a
single person take from their ex.
It's like jumping from a two to a
nine.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Thanks Grant, but why am I not a
ten?
                                                            

80.

                       GRANT
Well I have to leave that number
reserved for my wonderful and
beautiful wife to be.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ahhhh gross.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Seriously, where did that come
from?
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So what was Ryan like? Scott
doesn't always give me the full
picture.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh let's not and say we did.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Why not? Besides you talk about
her enough.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I try not to. Just she seems to
be brought everywhere I go.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Well you do have to see her almost
everyday.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Ryan is a nice girl, she just
wasn't the person for Scott. She
just was, what's the word.
                                                            
                       GRANT
A whore, retarded, satan's last
ditch effort?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Dude come on now, she wasn't that
bad all the time, I wouldn't made
it years with her if that was the
case.
                                                            
                       GRANT
You don't need to stick up for
her.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Why do you that?
                                                            

81.

                       SCOTT
I don't know, I just don't see any
point in trying to bash someone
I'm over.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Ok, let's change the subject.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
That would be fantastic.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Sorry, I don't mean to harp on
her, she just did not treat you
well at all. It's not she was
Meredith or someone.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Who's Meredith?
                                                            
                       GRANT
Dude you haven't told her?
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Told me what Scott?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
This is turning out to be a
wonderful night, no offense.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Meredith was one of Scott and my
friends from highschool. She was
just a really good friend to all
of us.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So do you have feelings for her
still?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No, look I'll explain it later, I
promise.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Great, another Ryan to hear about.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Not exactly.
                                                            

82.

                       LINDSEY
Well look at this way, if it
wasn't for Ryan you would never
joined E-Match and found Leslie.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I guess that's true. She wasn't
the sole reason I got onto E-Match
or the whole internet dating thing
all together.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Yeah you still haven't told me
really the reason behind actually
joining. I mean it took my mom
pushing me constantly to try it
out. I'm glad she did, but it's
definitely not something I would
have done without her insistance.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
It doesn't really matter,
especially now, I mean I joined,
I'm extremely happy I did. And
honestly I'm extremely happy I
found you and I don't have date
anymore.
                                                            
                       GRANT
Yeah dating sucks.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
Ah you two are so cute. I'm so
happy for you guys.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I'm kind of sad you're not going
to have any more crazy dating
stories to tell me. Those made my
week.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not
really.
                                                            
                       GRANT
I'm just messing with you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well I think I need to take her
back.
                                                            

83.

                       LESLIE
Yeah I got to work early tomorrow.
It was so nice to meet you guys
finally.
                                                            
                       GRANT
It was great to finally meet you.
                                                            
                       LINDSEY
I know! We're so happy that you
guys could come over. We need to
this more often.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Sweet, old person date night.
                                                            
                       GRANT
You're the old one here.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Whatever.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Good-night you guys!
                                                            
Scott and Leslie leave to Scott's car.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
I didn't mean to start anything,
but you do talk about her a lot.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I really don't. I don't mean to
anyway. When something or someone
angers me her name just clicks in
my head. I hate it more than
anybody.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
I've noticed. So you going to
tell me about this Meredith girl?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Right, as Ryan tends to anger me
when she's brought up, Meredith
used to make me depressed. At
least she used to. She was
someone who lived down the street
from me in high school and we just
got along really well. We didn't
really speak until after college
and we started to email each other
back and forth. Between work,
after college craziness, and
            (MORE)

84.

                       SCOTT (cont'd)
relationship issues, we both had a
lot in common.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So you never actually dated her?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No. I mean I wanted to, but she
lived on the otherside of the
country.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
So? I mean is that the only
reason you didn't go after her?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well that, and she's not alive
anymore.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Oh. Oh god, I'm so sorry Scott. I
didn't know.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No I know. It's fine, I guess I
needed to talk about her
eventually anyway. She was the
one that gave me the confidence
that were other women out there
outside of Ryan that were, normal
and caring. Like you.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
When did all this happen?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
A couple of months ago. I don't
really talk about it much. But
beyond anyone I actually think
about from my past, she's the one
that has given the most hope, the
strength to go out and find you.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Can I ask why you speak so freely
about past relationships but never
really about me?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I say nice things about you all
the time actually.
                                                            

85.

                       LESLIE
Not to me. People talk all the
time about how you adored Ryan but
when you're with me you never tell
me anything.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I know I need and want to say
adoring things about you. Look I
don't know exactly what she took
from me. The feelings I had for
her were often thrown back in my
face. It's hard to for me to come
out and just say things, like you
are beautiful, I'm extremely happy
to be with you.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
I get it, I do Scott. But I'm an
open and emotional person. I just
need to hear that you're happy, or
that you find me beautiful
sometimes. I also want you to be
open with me, I mean Meredith was
obviously an important person to
you, it's ok to talk to me about
those types of things. You
haven't exactly scared me off, and
I promise you opening up won't do
it either.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You are without a doubt the most
important woman in my life. The
most caring, interesting, and
beautiful woman I have ever been
with. There is nothing in the
world I want to do more than
please you and make you happy, but
please understand I am not
perfect, but my intentions to you
always will be. You make me
extremely happy.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Wow. That was beautiful.
                                                            
Scott pulls up to his townhouse and lets Leslie out to her
car.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
      (cont'd)
I'm happy too Scott. But if we're
going to continue this, we're
            (MORE)

86.

                       LESLIE (cont'd)
going to have to really work at
communication. I believe we're
two very different people when it
comes to that.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I'm sorry.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Stop saying you're fucking sorry!
There is nothing to feel sorry
about ok? God what did this ex of
yours do to you? Just think about
it. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Good night Scott.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Good night Leslie. Have a good
day at work tomorrow.
                                                            
Leslie gets into her car and drives off. Scott goes inside
his townhouse.
                                                            
 
INT. SCOTT'S TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Scott comes into the house. Joe and a young blond woman are
sitting on the couch watching tv.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Fuck.
                                                            
                       JOE
Problem?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Sort of, Leslie and I kind sort of
had our first argument. Of course
it was about Ryan.
                                                            
                       JOE
Ah the perfect couple finally has
some drama. I'm sure it will be
fine. Scott this is Lara, Lara
this is my best friend Scott.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Sorry about all that. Nice to
meet you.
                                                            

87.

                       LARA
No worries. I've heard all about
the ex. Nice to meet you finally.
                                                            
A thunder storm moves in. Just as Scott is about to sit
down the front door swings open and Ryan enters.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What the hell?
                                                            
                       JOE
How did she get in here?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah how did you unlock the door?
                                                            
                       RYAN
You gave me a key dumbass.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Shit, that's where that key went.
                                                            
                       JOE
Hey Lara want to help with
something up stairs? Leave these
two alone. Scott, I'd recommend
getting that key back.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You guys can stay. Whatever she's
got to say she can say it in front
of everyone.
                                                            
                       JOE
Oh no thank you. I don't want to
be any part of this. I'll get the
shotgun for you just in case
though.
                                                            
Joe and Lara ahead up stairs. Ryan takes a seat on the
couch. Scott is still standing.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
So what do I owe the pleasure of
you coming over unannounced at
this late hour?
                                                            
                       RYAN
I'll pay you two thousand dollars
for me take Alex. If this is how
its going to be, then I want the
dog.
                                                            

88.

                       SCOTT
Two thousand?
                                                            
Scott looks at Alex as he is licking Ryan's wet leg.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
No, no, no. You can't just come in
here and ask for that. This isn't
like a divorce, because as I
recall, we were never together!
                                                            
                       RYAN
Then what? Then what Scott? We've
been together for far too long for
you to just up and leave me high
and dry without even a chance to
say good bye.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Of all the nights you have to come
over. Look I probably should have
said this awhile back and I'm
sorry I didn't.

Beat.

Fuck you. Fuck you Ryan Anderson.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Did that feel good? Was that nice
to finally get that out of your
system.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Oh I'm not done. I know you slept
with your old college fuck buddy
that night I came over. Your
vagina is like Walmart open 24-7
and welcomes only the best
dirtbags in town. I tried, I tried
for a very long time to stick up
for you, to convince myself that I
loved you and that you loved me.
                                                            
                       RYAN
But I do love you! We can go back
to the way it was, just you and
me.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
And like every other guy you meet!
You have been without a doubt my
greatest learning experience when
it comes to women, but you are
            (MORE)

89.

                       SCOTT (cont'd)
also my greatest mistake. The
fact that you've never believed
you were wrong to do all those
things over the years. I didn't
want to listen to Joe, Grant,
Meredith, hell even my mom about
you. I gave you everything! But
now, I finally understand, I
finally get how someone who
actually cares, about me, can
actually exist and not turn around
and blow every other fucking guy
they meet!
                                                            
                       RYAN
I care Scott! I do! Who was
there for you when you almost
dropped out of college? Who was
there for you when you wanted to
quit work? Who was there for you
when you had your panic attack?
Me, I was there for you through
all your shit. I put up with your
jealousy, your paranoia, your just
plain stupidity. Don't you dare
say I don't care, but if that's
what it takes to make you feel
better, then by all means believe
it. No one else would have dealt
with it.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
She did.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Who?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Meredith did. She always knew
what to say, whenever you left,
she knew how to pull me away from
the edge.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Oh well then you should go and be
with her, oh wait, you can't. Fine
Meredith was better than me. I
said it.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Now I finally have someone I can I
say I love. Someone I finally
believe that I can spend the rest
            (MORE)

90.

                       SCOTT (cont'd)
of life with. You've never seen
me stand up for myself, but I'm
taking back my balls tonight.
Don't ever call me, don't ever
email me, and when you think of
me, be sure to use your left hand
because I nothing but a stranger
to you from now on. Good-bye Ryan
Anderson.
                                                            
                       RYAN
Really? That's what you're
leaving me with? Fine if that's
what you want minute man.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Good one. Please leave that key,
I have someone else who deserves
it a whole lot more than you.
                                                            
Ryan pushes the dog away. Wipes the tears from her eyes and
leaves the key on coffee table. She slams the door on the
way out. Joe and Lara immediately run down the stairs.
                                                            
                       JOE
Holy shit!
                                                            
Scott bear hugs Joe and kisses Lara on the forehead.
                                                            
                       JOE
What was that?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
For being my hero and Lara, it is
so very awesome to meet you.
                                                            
                       JOE
I think Stella here got his groove
back.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I have never felt better in my
entire life. I feel like going
outside and singing in the rain,
if I wasn't so damn afraid of
lightning.
                                                            
                       LARA
Scott, I don't even know you, but
that was amazing. I think its
every persons dream to tell their
ex off like that.
                                                            

91.

                       SCOTT
You guys heard all of that?
                                                            
                       JOE
Yeah, we were just sitting at the
top the stairs. I just wanted to
make sure she didn't do anything
crazy.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Thank you both. Now if you excuse
me I have a phone call to make.
                                                            
Scott pulls out his cell phone and dials.
                                                            
                       JOE
Who are you calling?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Hello? Lesile?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
Leslie is in her bed.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Hey Scott. I'm glad you called.
I'm sorry about that stuff
tonight.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Leslie I love you. I've loved you
from the first second you told me
I was late on our first date.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
I love you too Scott.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Ok, cool, I mean great! Well
that's all I wanted to say. Good
night, I'll call you tomorrow.
                                                            
                       LESLIE
Ok. Good night Scott.
                                                            
Scott and Leslie hang up their phones. Scott sits down on
the couch in sigh of relief and begins to pet Alex.
                                                            
                       JOE
Yay happy endings!
                                                            
 

92.

EXT. MOUNTAIN PARK - DAY
                                                            
MEREDITH and Scott are sitting on a park bench. A puppy
Alex is running around with a puppy black lab across a park
field.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Holy balls its cold.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
This was your idea.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Why didn't you stop me again?
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
Oh the puppies are having a blast.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
How's the family?
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
You are far too easy to read.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
What? That was an honest
question. Asking about a female's
family shows that I have an
in-depth interest in her everyday
life. Like asking how work went or
did you have fun with your friends
that night.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
Ok I'll bite. They like it a lot
when I visit. I wish I got a
chance to do it more often. Don't
ask about how a woman's day was,
it's too general of a question. Be
more specific.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I miss these little talks. I wish
got to do this more when we were
younger.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
You were too busy going after
cheerleaders to pay attention to
me.
                                                            

93.

                       SCOTT
God don't remind me. You were too
busy going after the smart kids to
pay attention to me.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
You were smart.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Meredith come on.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
Ok you were, bright. You had the
art of sounding a lot smarter to
everyone else.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I don't know if I can do this. How
do I know if I'm ready?
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
You've always been ready. A
little push out the door might
have helped.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Would you have ever done it?
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
Nope. I'm just kidding, I've
heard of a lot people getting
together because of the internet.
Did you know one in five
relationships start that way now?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
So work has informed me of that
statistical anomaly. Would have
it have been weird to come across
each other online?
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
Yeah it would have. Scott, it
would have never worked between
us. Not because we aren't
compatible but simply because our
paths just never crossed at the
right time.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I know. I try not think of it that
way anymore. A relationship would
have just screwed everything up.
But maybe, maybe in another life
            (MORE)

94.

                       SCOTT (cont'd)
we can have that chance again.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
The person you have is special.
She will always be beautiful,
loving, and of course very patient
in order to deal with you. Like
me!
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I will never let her go.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
She will be better than you can
ever imagine. Just don't screw it
up ok?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Well you know me. I'll try.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
Oh who couldn't love that baby
face of yours?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Shut up. What am I going to do
without you?
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
You'll do fine. You'll move past
me, and when you're with her,
that's all you'll ever think
about. You've already forgotten
about Ryan haven't you?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Yeah I guess. Her name being
brought up still boils my blood. I
definitely don't miss her, and my
life has certainly gone up hill
since we split.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
See what did I tell you?
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I know, I should have listened to
you and everyone else.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
You should have just listened to
me. Just kidding, everyone has
good intentions for you Scott,
            (MORE)

95.

                       MEREDITH (cont'd)
don't shut them out. But to your
defense, we could have never seen
what she would have become with
you.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Any other wonderful words of
advice before my face goes
completely numb?
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
Um yes, start a savings plan. Lord
knows you can't get your money
straight. Saving plans are sexy.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I feel like I should be writing
this stuff down. So enough about
me, how are you doing?
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
Well I'm just fantastic. I have
no more worries. Just me and the
puppy.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
Thanks. For everything. I never
really got a chance to that.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
What are friends for. You would
have done the exact same me.
Remember she loves you more than
you'll ever know. More than most
people will ever get to a chance
feel. Be thankful for that.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
You would have loved to meet her.
She's a lot like you.
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
She's better and you know that.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
She is just who I was meant to be
with. You'll always be missed
Meredith. So you want to do this
again some time?
                                                            

96.

                       MEREDITH
Can't silly. Remember I'm not
alive?
                                                            
Scott and Meredith call in the puppies and start walking
through the snow down the hill.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I can still have these dreams
again with you right?
                                                            
                       MEREDITH
As long as you keep it PG. I
don't trust your imagination.
                                                            
                       SCOTT
I have beautiful wife to dream
about now, besides the internet
has killed my imagination.
                                                            
Scott gets up as the snow starts to come down harder.
Meredith gathers the two dogs as they both walk down the
snowy hill together.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
Feedback
From Frank D. Antonacci Date 9/26/2011 ***
Good premise and plot. Dialog needs some work, though. For a smart sophisticated comedy, the dialogue seems a liitle too simple. Overall, an enjoyable read !


Back to Top of Page
Leave Feedback
You must be logged in to leave feedback.
Home    My Account    Products    Screenwriter Community    Screenwriter's Corner    Help
Forgot Your Password?    Privacy Policy    Copyright 2018, ScriptBuddy LLC.    Email help@scriptbuddy.com