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Block Balla's
by jerlon turner (jerlonturner@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:

Adventures of a group of friends from the ghetto.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


We find SKINNY P, DEEZAM, MURDA and WHITE MIKE,(a bunch of
unemployed slackers in their early 30's) sitting down
watching televison, smoking, drinking and talking, and boy
can these guys talk, talk and do more talking, and when
theres a bottle going around and they're felling "nice",
they get philosophical, and become some of the great
scholars of the world, with solutions to all its ills; like
drugs, war, the homless and AIDS.
                       SKINNY P
No fucking way is xbox better then
PS3! thats like comparing a
fucking scooter to a skateboard...
Graphics alone make PS3 better
then that peice of shit xbox.
MURDA passes SKINNY P a blunt.
                       SKINNY P
--somebody tell this stupid nigga
                       WHITE MIKE
My shit is the Wii!
                       SKINNY P
The Wii? How old are you again?
                       WHITE MIKE
28, I don't see how thats got to
do with anything.
                       SKINNY P
Cause the Wii is for lttle fat
fuck kids, addicted to redbull
facebook and...Cheeseburgers!


Telephone rings, SKINNY P gets up and goes to answer the
phone, still smoking his blunt.
                       SKINNY P
Yo P, its SMELLS, yo Im locked up
b, I need your help!
                       SKINNY P
      (drags words out
       already knowing
       the answer)
Who is thiiiissssss?
Stop playing nigga, its SMELLS!
                       SKINNY P
Yo this nigga SMELLS on the phone
talking bout he locked up.
SKINNY P laughing, puts the phone on speaker and walks
toward WHITE MIKE, DEEZAM and MURDA, who all turn and pay
attention to what SMELLS is saying on the phone.
                       SKINNY P
What the fuck happend?
I was with MELVIN and ED last
night on Smedly...
A rusted out '86 Lincoln with a bumper sticker that reads:
Fuck the Police. Rattles down an unwelcoming city shreet. In
it: Three black men in their late 20's, ED, MELVIN and
SMELLS. MELVIN is driving, ED is in the passanger seat and


SMELLS rides in the back, the three are just cruising around
town with no precise destination.
The whole label, all the artist,
niggas aint ready for big chain
records, we a motherfucking
MELVIN takes a sip of the plastic cup of brandy he's holding
in one hand as the other hand grips the wheel.
Nigga my crib gonna be paper
stacked up to the ceiling, blow
ED who is riding in the passenger seat looks back at SMELLS,
and the two exchange a look, signaling to each other that
MELVIN is drunk and babbeling nonsense.
Whats the plan tho ya'll? I ain't
got gas to be riding around with
you two clowns all day.
They stop at a red light, ED openingly snorts a "little
something", while SMELLS pulls a bottle of brandy out of a
brown paper bag and notices that the bottle is nearly empty,
he pour the rest of the brandy into his plastic cup in the
cup holder.
And we're out of liquor.
What! Yo, MEL stop at the liquor
store on Smedley asap.
You got liquor money, nigga?


Nah, but we scramble something up
when we get there.
What the fuck does that mean "we
scramble something up when we get
That means we think of something
when we get there (brief pause),
boom highdea, we can just rob
somebody when we get there.
My nigga, I aint robbing nobody
just to buy some damn liquor.
Whatttt ? since when ? iight, well
what about the thrill, you forgot
about that, right ?
Nah, man Im good on that.
Wait, lets think about this shit
for a second MEL I think ED is on
to something... I can't front, I
aint rob nobody in a few weeks and
I miss the excitement, beside I
still wanna drink.
      (Shaking head side
       to side)
Fuck it let's do it!
SMELLS smiles while ED enthusiatically rubs his hands
together, and nods his head in satisfaction.


Alright, how yall wan't to do this
strong arm style, armed, gun,
knife, what?
                       SKINNY P
Can't ever go wrong with the
classics, how about little "old
lady purse snatch" action?
Ehhhhh i don't know, you know with
mothers day around the corner and
all that.
                       SKINNY P
Yeah your right, all right lets
see, uuugggghhhhhhh boom I got it
why not just knock two birds out
with one stone and...
MELVIN, ED and SMELLS all in unison.
                       SKINNY P
Rob the liquor store!
Rob the liquor store!
Rob the liquor store!
MELVIN suddenly slams on the brakes, turns his head and
looks at SKINNY P sitting in the back seat and gives him a
blank stare for about three seconds.
Your a fucking genius, black
Thats how we roll baby!


MELVIN and SMELLS, exchange high fives, then MELVIN starts
moving the car again.
                       SKINNY P
All we need is a gun.
I got one at my crib, lets go over
there real quick and pick it up.
ED, MELVIN and SMELLS walk into the house, which is
extremely messy and cluttered with trash
Ok first of all, Kobe did not rape
that girl and-- (interupted)
ED is interrupted by MELVIN'S MOM ( A fat, overbearing,
self-centered,vain black woman in her early 50's) who is
sitting down on a couch, smoking a blunt and watching
television. As MELVIN, ED and SMELLS enter the house her
attention turns away from the televison and on to them.
                       MELVIN'S MOM
Uh-uh MELVIN, who these niggas you
bringing up in my house? all hours
of the night, fucking with my
My fault mom, but you know
Reginald and Edward
MELVIN, ED and SMELLS all walk pass MELVIN'S MOM, who has a
look of disdain on her face as she watches them walk past to
enter MELVIN'S room.
How, you doing ma'?


                       MELVIN'S MOM
Get out the way of the damn tv
As they enter Melvin's room, MELVIN shuts the door behind
them, before anyone has a chance to say anything the hear
MELVIN'S MOM shouting from the other room.
                       MELVIN'S MOM
Stop making so much damn noise in
ED and SMELLS look at each other with a look of disbelief,
while MELVIN bows his head in disgrace.
let's just get the gun and get out
of here.
MELVIN begins to search for the gun all over the room, in
the closet, under the mattress, in the hamper, but he can't
find it.
I can't find the fucking gun!
MELVIN checking in places he's already searched and still
can't find the gun. MELVIN open's up his room door and
shouts out to his mother in the next room.
Ma' you seen my gun?
                       MELVIN'S MOM
Fuck you nigga, get out my damn


MELVIN slams the door.
When was the last time you had it?
When me and this nigga, ED went
roach hunting at WILLIE crib like
two days ago.
What the fuck is roach hunting?
matter fact fuck it, I don't even
want to know, but you probaly left
it over there.
Nah, I remember having it and
putting it down somewhere, when I
got home that night.
SMELLS sits down in a chair, which has a pile of choltes on
it, as he sits down a loud bang goes off, and a bullet hits
the wall.
                       SKINNY P
What the fuck!(jumps to his feet)
Myyyyyy nigggggaaaa! you found it,
good shit.
MELVIN'S MOM shouts from the living room
                       MELVIN'S MOM
What the fuck ya'll doing in
ED, MELVIN and SMELLS are up close on the liquor store
window peaking through, looking at the clerk, who is unaware
that she is being spyed om, inside she is counting money,
and talking on a phone.


Yo they got some bitch inside, and
she looks mad familiar!
So whats that got to do with
All right ya'll niggas ready?
Wait, we're not wearing masks?
Fuck, I knew we forgot something.
                       SKINNY P
Alright, think, think, think,
think... Boom we go across the
shreet to that store over
there,(points to the store)get a
couple of paper bags and pop some
eye holes in the shits and we're
be good to go.
ED, MELVIN and SMELLS bust through the door of the
convenience store.
                       STORE CLERK
What can get for you gentelmen
(heavy Middle eastern accent)
Whats up man let me have three
brown paper bags.
Clerk grabs three brown paper bags and hands them to SMELLS.


                       STORE CLERK
That'll be 75 cents please.
What? 75 cents, for three peices
of paper? get the fuck out of
                       STORE CLERK
Sir, 75 cents
Fuck you, you got damn jew im
taking these shits.
MELVIN, ED and SMELLS all start walking to the door to exit.
                       STORE CLERK
I am not a jew, I am an Arab
MELVIN, ED and SMELLS all stop in there tracks and turn
back, facing the STORE CLERK, and slowly begin walking to
him .
Hold on... Did you say that your
an arab? (brief pause) Oooooo
shit, ya'll some gangsta ass
niggas, son!
MELVIN, ED and SMELLS all extremely happy and smiling as if
they have found a "long lost brother" embrace the STORE
CLERK giving him high fives and patting him on his head.
Where you from my nigga,
                       STORE CLERK
No, no I am from Pakiistan.


We'll alright, my nigga Islam,
we're still not paying for the
paper bags, but you a ill nigga.
ED, SMELLS and MELVIN all embrace the STORE CLERK once more,
then they walk out the door and cross the shreet, back to
the front of the liquor store.
SMELLS hands ED and MELVIN their brown paper bag masks.
Shit, we should have had Islam,
poke some eye holes in the bags
for us!
Nigga, just use your fingers.
MELVIN pops two eye holes in his bag and puts the bag on his
How do I look?
Like a dick
ED, and SMELLS pop eye holes in their bags and put them on
their heads.
Standing in front of the Liquor store, all wearing paper
bags on their heads, MELVIN pulls the pistol from his waist.
All right ya'll lets do this,
wait! I forgot to tell ya'll that
shot that went off at my crib was
my last bullet.


So you mean to tell me that, that
gun doesn't have any bullets in
SMELLS points to the gun MELVIN is holding.
What the fuck man, this bitch
probaly has an uzi back there with
her, and we got a rusty peice of
shit gun with no bullets in it, we
mine as well run in there with are
dicks in our hand.
Relax man!when she see's us bust
in there like Jesse James and his
niggas, she gonna freeze up, and
give us all the money and liquor
we need!
you think so?
ED, SMELLS and MELVIN all bust through the door of the
liquor store, all wearing brown paper bag masks, MELVIN is
leading with gun in hand, marching toward the liquor store
attendent as he rushes towards her, he slips on a crack in
the floor and the gun flies out his hand and bounces on the
counter a few times then lands directly in the LIQUOR STORE
ATTENDENT'S hand, who turns the gun around and aims it point
blank in MELVIN'S face.
                       LIQUOR STORE ATTENDENT


MELVIN turns his head and looks at SMELLS and ED who are
both looking back at him for a moment, then punches the
LIQUOR STORE ATTENDENT in the face knocking her unconscious,
MELVIN then leaps the counter, opens and emptys the cash
register, then points to the liquor on the shelfs.
I got the money, get the booze!
MELVIN looks sown at the LIQUOR STORE ATTENDENT, who is
still unconsious and grabs the gun laying next to her, as
he's doing this he notices that the LIQOUR STORE ATTENDENT,
is a nice looking lady, he then lloks over the counter and
see's ED and MELVIN busy grabbing as many bottles of liquor
as they can, and are paying him no attention, he then
figures why not "cop a free feel" she won't mind, he then
grabs her breast chuckling to himself.
MELVIN'S '86 Lincoln rattles down a non-descript city
shreet, in it MELVIN, ED and SMELLS are all drinking from
big bottles of liquor.
Whewwwwww! that's how you do it,
ED, MELVIN and SMELLS all give each other high five's
Yo, what the fuck is that shit you
drinking SMELLS?
SMELLS turns the bottle he's holding around so he can read
the label.
I don't even know some shit called
(struggles with pronunciation)


What the hell is that?
I don't know, but I like to switch
it up sometimes, it's a big jungle
out there, baby you can't stay in
the same one tree forever
ED, SMELLS and MELVIN all start laughting
Yo, MEL how much bread, we make?
I don't yet, I ain't count it yet.
Let's go to your crib and count
that shit.
Nigga Im not walking in my crib
with all this liquor, you know my
moms is a drunk hoe, beside I
ain't cutting that bitch in on the
Iight so lets go to my crib.
I'd like to celebrate the birth of
the holy man, by having a drink
inhis honor.
All three take huge gulps from the bottles there holding.


ED and MELVIN are sitting down at a table counting the money
from the liquor store robbery, while SMELLS is standing up
with a bottle of barcardi 151 in one hand and a zippo in the
other attempting to ball fire balls.
Three seventy four, three seventy
five, three seventy six. Three
hundred and seventy six american
Thats it!
Yeah, man the eco system is all
fucked up. Iight three seventy six
divided by three equuuuuuuuuuuaals
(doing the math in his head) one
twenty five each, yo SMELLS Im
taking that eight dollars that you
owe me for that bootleg porno
video I gave you bread for out
your cut.
SMELLS places the lighter and bottle of barcardi down on a
My nigga, you can't be serious
Scrap, you said you were gonna
gimme back the bread the next day,
that was in May... its October now
my nigga.
SMELLS gives ED an outlandish look for a few seconds.
Just give me my fucking money!
ED hands SMELLS and MELVIN both their shares of the money,
then reaches behind his chair and pulls out a huge bong and


a pouch of weed, he then puts some weed in the bong and
lights up a bowl.
Yo I can't stop thinking about
that chick at the liquor store
b(exhales smoke) she looked mad
You probally fucked her, or robbed
her (brief pause) or fucked her
and robbed her a while back and
forgot about her... you know that
Nah, I woulda remembered that ass,
if I smashed that.
ED passes the bong to SMELLS, who lights up a bowl, while
MELVIN takes a sip from a huge bottle of vodka he's
Fuck that hoe!
Speaking of hoes, lets call some
up, and spend some of this money
we made!
Nah man, my girl coming over on in
a few, so I ain't saying yall
gotta go home, but ya'll gotta get
the fuck outta here!
Yeah, I feel you Im bout to go to
the crib and do the same thing.
ya'll niggas is pussy, man.


ED, SMELLS and MELVIN all get up and walk to the front door,
ED opens the door.
Yo, holla at me tomorrow, or
something ya'll.
ED gives MELVIN and SMELLS both high-five's as they exit.
Iight, my nigga.
Peace g'z.
As MELVIN and SMELLS walk up the door, which ED is holding
open, they see two police officers helping a woman into her
apartment, across the hall, who just happens to be the
LIQUOR STORE ATTENDENT, the officers and the woman all turn
around and look at ED, SMELLS and MELVIN who are looking
back at them with flabbergasted expresions on their faces.
                       LIQUOR STORE ATTENDENT
Ahhh, thats them. (pointing at ED,
BACK TO: SKINNY P'S apartment.
                       SKINNY P
Wait I don't get it... How did
they know it was ya'll?
ED, SMELLS and MELVIN are standing in front of the liquor
store putting brown paper bags on their heads, while
standing in direct sight of the liquor store's surveillance
camera, that they're compelety oblivious of.


on the speaker phone, all began laughing hysterically at the
story he has just told them.
                       SKINNY P
So what you want, me to do?
Yo I need, you to go see my uncle
and, get him to come down here and
bail me out.
                       SKINNY P
Who UNCLE WILLIE? hell no, last
time I went to that nigga crib I
had to walk home barefoot in the
FLASH BACK: A large crowd parties in UNCLE WILLIE'S house,
all in the center of the room drinking,huddled in a circle
in the middle are SKINNP P and UNCLE WILLIE placing bets on
a dice game they are playing. SKINNY P has the dice in his
hand and is about to roll them.
                       SKINNY P
What's the bet?
                       UNCLE WILLIE
Four hundred mother fucker!
SKINNY P counts his money. While UNCLE WILLIE who is visibly
drunk, with one eye wide open and his other nearly closed
with a cigerette in one hand and a beer in the other, stares
at him with a look of destestation.
                       UNCLE WILLIE
Four hundred motherfucker!


                       SKINNY P
Relax shithead before you stroke
out... I don't got four hundred. I
got three fifty.
                       UNCLE WILLIE
We'll put those damn NIKE shoes
that you got on your feet up,
SKINNY P never backs down from a challenge, and looks at
UNCLE WILLIE as if he can't beieve that he would dare
challange him. As he continues to shake the dice in his
                       SKINNY P
You must have lost your mind, Dick
Cheany! that's a bet!
SKINNY P throws the dice.
SKINNY P trembling marches through the snowy shreet
BACK TO SKINNY P apartment.
                       SKINNY P
Iight man, I got you, Ima swing
over there now.
SKINNY P, along with DEEZAM, WHITE MIKE and MURDA stand in
front of UNCLE WILLIES HOUSE knocking and ringing the door
bell waiting for him to answer the door.
                       WHITE MIKE
What the fuck man, didn't call
this dude right before we left
your crib.


                       SKINNY P
Yeah, he said he was here.
SKINNY P goes in his pocket and takes out his cell phone to
call UNCLE WILLIE, just as he is dialing the number, UNCLE
WILLIE ( A big, fat, bald, sloppy glutton in his early 60's)
open's the door, wearing just a towel around his waist, a
pair of eyeglasses and the NIKES he won from SKINNY P.
                       UNCLE WILLIE
Get in here shitbags!
SKINNY P, MURDA, WHITE MIKE and DEEZAM all walk in the
                       UNCLE WILLIE
What the fuck! did all you mother
fuckers have to come? ... Alright,
what my peice of shit nephew do
this time?
                       SKINNY P
I don't know, he didn't tell me.
                       UNCLE WILLIE
I swear this little fuck, gets
into some shit at least once a
month, what the fuck?, look at me
62 years never been arrested, no
crimanl records, no parking
tickets, nothing, and this fuck
goes to jail every five fucking
WILLIE down a hall, into his living room were he flops down
on the couch, exposing a large portion of his upper thigh,
MURDA, WHITE MIKE and DEEZAM all turn their heads in
disgust, but before SKINNY P can do the same he notices that
UNCLE WILLIE is wearing the Nike's won from him in the dice
game, and his face goes from a look of disgust to a look of
scorn. UNCLE WILLIE pop's open a beer.


                       SKINNY P
What the fuck are you doing? why
are'nt you dressed, I called you
an hour ago.
                       UNCLE WILLIE
Ehhhh... I got caught up in this
basketball game on t.v, and lost
track of time
UNCLE WILLIE sips from his beer, as MURDA, WHITE MIKE and
SKINNY P'S attention goes from him to the t.v. Announcer "
and Walt Frazier passes the ball GERVIN."
                       WHITE MIKE
Dude, this game is from like 1975!
                       SKINNY P
What the fuck WILLIE?
In walks CHERRY, UNCLE WILLIE'S girlfriend, (A Black crack
fiend prostitute in her mid-thrites. Due to the side effects
of crack she is constanly scracting, has bloodshot eyes, can
barely talk straight and has a weird smell.) wearing nothing
but the towel she just wrapped around her head, and grabs a
pack of cigerettes of the coffee table, takes one out and
lights it up.
What's up ya'll (incoherently)
SKINNY P, ED, WHITE MIKE and DEEZAM all say whats up to
                       UNCLE WILLIE
Hey, any one you niggas wanna fuck
CHERRY ? She's gotta sweet pussy.
I'd fuck her but my dick stopped
working. I'll give you ten bucks,
but I gotta watch.
SKINNY P, DEEZAM, MURDA and WHITE MIKE all glance over at
CHERRY who is standing there twinking smoking a cigerette
talking to herself and all nod their heads no, in disgust.


                       SKINNY P
Nobody, wants to fuck your crack
gobblin WILLIE, put some choltes
on and lets get the fuck out here!
Phewww, yo what the fuck is that
smell? (faning his nose, with his
Nigga you don't like the smell get
the fuck out!(mumbling
CHERRY picks up a bottle of vodak lying by her feet and
swigs of it. SKINNY P, DEEZAM, MURDA and WHITE MIKE stare at
      (pointing at
What the fuck did that bitch just
                       WHITE MIKE
I don't fucking know.
UNCLE WILLIE stands up, and grabs a pair of sweat pants and
a t- shrit that are laying on the couch, and starts putting
them on.
                       UNCLE WILLIE
That's right you tell'em poodle!
                       UNCLE WILLIE
How much is his bail?
                       SKINNY P
He didn't say, but it's probaly a
couple hundred bucks each.
                       UNCLE WILLIE
Wait... What the fuck do you mean


                       SKINNY P
O yeah, I forgot to metion he's
with ED and MELVIN.
                       UNCLE WILLIE
What the fuck, and they expect me
to bail them out to right?
(sighs)Yous got any reefer?
                       SKINNY P
Yeah, in the car now can we go
standing at one of the clerks window, dicussing how much
SMELL'S, ED and MELVIN'S bail is going to be.
                       COURT CLERK
Twenty-five hundred a piece sir,
which comes to seventy-five
hundred dallor sir?
                       UNCLE WILLIE
Does that come with a peice of
ass?... you must be out your mind
seventy-five hundred dolloars what
the fuck did those idiots do rape
a fucking baby?
UNCLE WILLIE looks at SKINNY P and the others.
                       UNCLE WILLIE
I damn sure ain't paying no
seventy-five hundred dallors to
get these dumb fucks out of jail.
I'll pay SMELLS bail that's it
only because he's my damn nephew,
ED and MELVIN those two
cocksuckers can rott in hell for
all I care. I'm done.


                       SKINNY P
Come on UNCLE WILLIE, you gotta
bail all of them out, your there
last hope!
                       UNCLE WILLIE
I don't give a shit, you tell
those niggas that they better call
their momma's! I ain't a got damn
                       SKINNY P
Alright WILLIE slow down slow
down, lets think about this for a
second, Ok what will it take for
you to bail them out?
Behind a door we hear CHERRY moaning in pleasure inside the
room are SMELLS, ED and MELVIN taking turns having sex with
her, as UNCLE WILLIE videotapes them having sex.


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