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by Bill (allpro290@yahoo.com)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Teen Movies   User Review:

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



Camera: Closeup of PROFESSOR'S dull, bored, expressionless

Cut to: close up of backlit professor as he looks out the
classroom windows. Slowly zoom out to wide angle of
squirming students in classroom.

Last class of the week. History Professor standing at the
window, oblivious of his students squirmings as they wait
for the freedom bell to ring.
Camera: close up of Joanie's face.
Tick-tock, tick-tock... Looks like
another boring weekend spent at
school while all my friends and
enemies are lucky enough to escape
campus. Stomach growls.
Camera: Wide angle classroom with backlit professor.

Bell RINGS. The impatient bell waiting students clear the
room in seconds leaving the Professor looking out the
window, still oblivious to any action in the room.
The dining hall is nearly empty other than the few foreign
and scholarship students.

Camera: wide angle showing nearly empty dining room. Zoom
in on Joanie's expressionless face.

Joanie finishes her measly portion of cheese soufflé and
heads back to her room still hungry.

Camera: follow Joanie out into hall. Scene ends when
Joanie's stomach growls.

Stomach growls


It is a sleety rainy day. Joanie tries to concentrate on
homework as Mack the Knife PLAYS repeatly from the floor

Camera montage: Joanie cleans her room, tries to read,
looks out the window and finally settles at sitting at the
desk looking at the picture her boyfriend PAUL.
                       JOANIE (eyes closed)
Camera montage: Paul and Joanie's life together. The
closeness she has experienced with Paul so far. Paul and
Joanie making love for the first time. Graduation from
college. Their wedding. Children. Grand children.
Joanie is writing Paul a letter when science whiz slash
thief Crosley appears at the open door.

Camera: up to director and cinematographer
How are you doing?
Crosley walks in the room, nosily looking around at the
                       JOANIE (CONT'D)
      (somewhat cold)
Excuse me! How can I help you?
You know Garcia, right?
Ya, I'm pretty sure.
She's the rich loose one who hangs
out with Hidalgo and those other
guys. She's very pretty. All the
guys want her.


Yep, that's her.
Well her stud muffin stepfather is
in town for a business meeting and
has come to take Garcia and a few
of her friends out to dinner.
What about Hidalgo and the rest of
They are all in Maryland shopping
for polo ponies. Can you believe
      (in disbelief)
Well, do you want to come?
I don't know.
Come on!
But I don't even know her!
So what neither do I! She asked
me to come at lunch. Her
stepfather is young and very sexy!
Well that's fine for you, what
about me?
She told me I could bring someone
else along.
Oh great, sounds like a recipe for
a really memorable evening.


Do you have something better to do
You make a good point.
Camera: pan following the girls into the limo.

Joanie and Crosley meet the limo at the headmaster's house.
The DRIVER opens the back door and the young women jump in
sitting across from Garcia and Rock.

The driver closes the door.
Camera: wide angle from one seat to the other depending on
who is speaking.
Garcia's clothes are disheveled and she looks mad sitting
next to her extremely handsome stepfather.

The driver proceeds into traffic.

Mack the Knife starts to PLAY in the backgound.
      (angrily in
Mil dólares no es suficiente para
hacerlo a través del mes!
Necesitaré al menos dos veces!

Translation: One thousand dollars
is not nearly enough to make it
through the month! I'll need at
least twice that!
      (just as angrily)
No merecen ningún dinero

Translation: You don't deserve
any additional money.
Rock makes a hatchet motion with his hand.


                       ROCK (cont)
Si usted no tenga cuidado que
cortará su subsidio al mínimo!

Translation: If you don't be
careful I will cut your allowance
to the minimum!
Rock makes a hatchet motion with his hand again.
                       ROCK (cont)
      (fake smile)
Olah! My name is Rock, where would
you lovely young ladies like to
eat tonight?
Anywhere is fine with me.
Rock looks at Crosley.
It depends on what you want.
There's a French place in Newbury,
an Ital...
No, it depends on what you ladies
want. I am not so hungry right
Sitting in the limo as far away from Rock as possible,
Garcia continues to look mad and refrains from the
There's also a smorgasbord if you
Rock looks at Garcia.


                       GARCIA (frowning)
Es una escandinava comida servida
tipo buffet con varios platos de
diversos alimentos sobre una mesa,
originarios de Suecia.

Translation: It is a Scandinavian
meal served buffet-style with
multiple dishes of various foods
on a table, originating in Sweden.
Joanie is embarrassed by Crosley's smorgasbord suggestion.
      (looking at
Do you like smorgasbords?
Oh ya.
      (looking at Joanie)
How about you?
Joanie nods yes.
I love smorgasbord! It is all you
can eat you know.
I bet it is. Smorgasbord.
Rock laughed and clapped his hands.
                       ROCK (cont)
Smagasbord it is then! Too bad I
lost my appetite!
Crosley gives directions to the driver.
      (to Garcia)
What are their names?


      (nodding at the
       two young women)
This is Tiffany Crosley and Joanie
Turning to the window, Garcia is still mad and doesn't offer
any more information.
Joanie wonders why Garcia is so mad. Why does she look so
Again, my name is Rock Hardsten.

Let's see, Joanie, Tiffany,
Tiffany, Joanie. No, no, how
      (pointing to
La Blanca
      (pointing to
La Negro
      (Rock points to
Olah! I am Rock.
      (over doing it a
      (suggestively to
Rock sits back, adjusts his pants, his groin, his body but
can't seem to get comfortable.
Rock restlessly continues to change position, stirring up
the air with his scent.
Rock's scent causes the hairs on Joanie's arms stand up and
her whole body shiver.
Camera: Bird's eye view following limo.


The limo pulls into the parking lot of Larz Schwantzen's
Schmorgasbord and parks.
Rock Joanie, and Crosley are standing in the parking lot at
the back door of the limo. Rock can't pursuade Garcia, who
is still mad about something, to leave the limo.
      (throws up his
Lo que estropea un bambino
ninfómana! Ok, let's go.
Crosley and Joanie follow Rock, his scent, and his sway
toward the restaurant entrance.
Rock holds the door for Crosley and Joanie as they walk into
the huge barn style restaurant.
The restaurant crowd sounds like a WATERFALL.

Rock greets the hostess just inside the restaurant door.
Olah! my name is Rock. Do we seat
Yes sir. Take any open seat you
can find.
Rock, Joanie, and Crosley start walking toward the dining
room picnic tables.

The kitchen is at one end of the barn and the rest of the
interior is filled with picnic tables except in the center
where there is great table heaped with every kind of food
you can imagine.

There are people everywhere. Customers seated, standing,
walking back and forth from the food and drink area or
bathrooms. Restaurant employees are busy doing their jobs.
Joanie notices women, young and old, checking Rock out as
they walk by. She gives them a stern look and acts like she
is closer to Rock than she really is.


The three settle on an empty picnic table.
We were lucky to get a private
table. Most the time we have to
share with other customers.
Rock takes off his jacket and sits down at the table.
      (to Crosley and
Go grab something to eat, I'll
wait here.
As both young women head towards the food table, Joanie
looks back to see Rock lighting a cigarette.
      (to Joanie)
You are kind of quiet tonight. You
pissed off about something?
The girls grab plates and silverware and start to fill their
                       CROSLEY (cont.)
So, what's up?
Maybe I'm just quiet, Crosley, you
ever think of that?
Crosley spears a chunk of meat.
When he called you La Negro, that
didn't mean he thought you were
black. He was describing your
dark hair color as opposed to my
blond hair.
Jesus Crosley! What a racist
thing to say. Didn't you think I
had that one figured out? Give me
a little credit please!
No, really, tell me how you really


Both young women move around the table of food, stabbing
portions as desired.
You speak Spanish?
Un poco. Actually more like un
What is Garcia so mad about?
I don't know, something about
Like what?
That's all I could get. They were
talking so fast. I almost don't
want to know the whole story. Did
you notice how Garcia looked when
we first got into the limo?
She looked like she didn't have
time to tuck her clothes in! I
wonder what they were doing in the
limo before we arrived...
The girls smile at each other salaciously and head back to
the table with their plates piled higher than intended.
Rock is smoking a cigarette as he looks around the barn.
He takes a long drag off the cigarette and blows the smoke
towards the rafters.
Joanie and Crosley sit across from Rock and start eating.
Rock watches the girls for a while.
His cell phone RINGS.
Olah! This is Rock. How can I
help you? Oh, oh,ok, I'll call
you back.
Rock turns his attention to Crosley.


So, La Blanco. Are you from New
Nope, I'm from Virginia.
Rock smashes out his cigarette
I just came from New York and I
can tell you that is one crazy
town. Just incredible. Listen to
this. I am in a taxicab right?
And we are stopped in a traffic
jam. I notice the lady in the cab
next to me staring my way. She
has a provacative look on her face
and she raises her eye brow in a
questioning way like this.
Rock makes a sexy "you wanna?" expression on his face.
                       ROCK (cont)
So I try to ignore her but the
next thing I know she jumps into
my cab. She says "I want to marry
you." I said "That's nice but I'd
have to discuss it with my wife
first." She said "I don't care
about your wife or my husband."

I can't help but laugh. "You
think that is funny?" she asks.
Then she starts telling me of all
the ways she would love to rock my

I started reaching into my jacket
pocket for a smoke when she
quickly jumped out of the cab and
jumped back into her own.

She must have thought I was
reaching for my phone or maybe a
weapon. I don't know, but she
stayed in her taxi and didn't look
my way again.
Rock notices Crosley and Joanie have stopped eating to
listen to his story.


                       ROCK (cont'd)
Go ahead, eat.
A handsome muscular waiter is slicing some roast beef at the
food table. Crosley raises her eyebrows and motions towards
him. The waiter was an excellent specimen but Joanie's
infatuations focus on Garcia's young step father.
Crosley and Joanie walk back up to the food table to get a
closer look at the stud waiter.
They walk back to their table after filing their plates
      (to Joanie)
I'm always hungry.
Ya, me too.
Camera: miscellaneous
Crosley and Joanie sit back down and start eating again.
Rock is looking around the barn while smoking another
cigarette. He is nodding, smiling, and using other
non-verbal communication as he checks women and they check
him back.
Crosley and Joanie tried to eat with as much finesse and
class as they could muster which wasn't a lot.
The customers around them seem to have a few things in
common. They were all overweight and semed to be over
protective of their food as if they haven't eaten in a long
There was a steady crowd ROAR in the air like that of a
Rock displays a pleased epression as he scans the vast
dining room. He didn't look like he fit in with this crowd
yet he was completely comfortable.

Rock's cell phone RINGS.
Olah! This is Rock. How can I
help you?
The conversation is short. Rock hangs up without saying
good bye.


      (looking at
Do you have a boyfriend La Blanco?
Well ah, nope. Not any more. We
broke up.
      (looking at Joanie)
How about you?
Joanie nods yes
                       ROCK (cont)
Ha! La Negro has a boyfriend. So
what is his name?
      (stretching the
Paaauuul Ok, let's hear about
Just one syllable "Paul".
Rock smiles as Joanie tells him everything.
In an attempt to impress, Joanie tells Rock how they met,
what he looks like, what their plans for the future are, and
the extents of their passion.

The more Joanie confides, the more wolfishly he smiles and
the more his eyse laugh at her.

As Joanie talks with Rock she gets a feeling he really isn't
listening at all.

Joanie stops talking to Rock and starts reading his mind.
Rock telling her: OK La Negro, go
ahead and talk about your little
boyfriend but we know what you
really want, don't we? You want
to suck on my tongue as I do to
you those things you want your
boyfriend to do. That's what you


                       JOANIE (cont'd)
really want eh?
Crosley interrupts Joanie's fantasy thoughts.
Rock looks at Crosley.

Crosley nods towards the door.

Camera: extreme long-shot to close-up full body of Garcia.

Garcia is standing there with her arms crossed and a look of
fury on her face. When Rock looks at her she turns and
walks out the door.

Rocks eyes go flat. He sits for a moment reaching for
another smoke but then stands up.
We go.
The three get up and walk out of the restaurant replacing
the WATERFALL sound for the sound of TRAFFIC.
Joanie, Crosley, and Rock walk back to the limo where Garcia
is waiting.

They get in and drive off.

Camera: bird's eye follows the car out of the parking lot.
Camera: wide angles

Mack the Knife PLAYS in the background.

Rock is lost in thought.

Garcia is still mad.

The drive back to campus was quiet until Garcia leaned over
and started whispering to Rock.

Rock listens but says nothing.


The limo pulls up to and stops at the dormatory.
The driver gets out and opens the back door of the limo.

Garcia looks at Rock with puppy dog eyes.

Rock pulls out and opens his wallet.

After leafing through the bills for a while he pulls one out
and hands it to Garcia.
This is boolsheet!
With a mad expression Garcia sits back into the seat.

Rock offers the $100 bill to Joanie.

Joanie takes the bill.

Rock pulls another $100 bill from his wallet and offers it
to Crosley.

Croslet snaps the bill up with no hesitation.

Rock smiles at Joanie and Crosley.
Good night. It was a pleasure
meeting you.
      (looking at Garcia)
Good night, good night.
The three young ladies get out of the limo and start

There is the faint sound of TRAFFIC in the background.

Joanie slows down and turns to look back.
      (to Joanie)
Keep walking.
Garcia yells something in Spanish as the driver closes the


Joanie turns back towards Crosley and they both quickend
their pace.
                       CROSLEY (whisper)
I don't believe it. A hundred
Crosley and Joanie walk in the dorm door.
                       CROSLEY (yelling)
A hundred bucks! A hundred
                       DORMY 1 (pissed)
Shut the hell up!
All right, all right.
Fuuuucccckkkk yooouuu!
Crosley and Joanie laughed and banged into each other all
the way to Joanie's door.
Do you believe it?
Joanie shakes her head.
                       CROSLEY (cont)
No, really now, listen.
Crosley puts her hands on Joanie's shoulders and looks into
her eyes.
                       CROSLEY (cont)
Do you fucking believe it?
Well neither do I. I don't
fucking believe it. I didn't
think a girl could make this kind
of money with her clothes on!
Crosley and Joanie talk and laugh a while longer.
I'm tired, I've got to get to bed.


Ya me too, good night.
Good night.
Joanie walks into her room.
Joanie took the brand new bill out of her pocket and started
looking at it for a while.
                       JOANIE (thinking)
A 100 bucks is a lot of money. I
don't think I've ever had $100 at
one time before.
Joanie tapes the $100 bill to page 100 in a book called
Profiles in Courage.

Joanie cleans up and goes to bed where she tosses and turns
until she sits up, turns her reading light on, and starts
looking at the picture Paul had given her.

She closes her eyes and renews all the promises she made to
Camera: through the sheer window curtain

Joanie and Paul are making love for the fifth time when Paul
suddenly gets out of bed and starts to put his clothes back
      (to Paul)
What's wrong?
      (no response)
Come on, what's wrong?
Paul is tying his shoes.
You don't love me.
Joanie is surprised to hear Paul say this. Not so much
because he said it but because it was true. At this moment


Joanie realizes she does not love Paul.

Cut back to Joanie's room.
There's a soft KNOCK at the door.
Camera: Shadow effect. Crosly stands in the doorway with
half her body slightly lit by the dull light of the hallway
and the other half of her body in the darkness of Joanie's
Crosley steps into the room wearing a sexy blue nightgown
that shimmered in the dim light.
Have you got any antacids or Pepto
No, I wish I did.
You too, huh?
Crosley sits on the other bed.
                       CROSLEY (cont'd)
Do you feel as bad as I do?
I don't know, how bad do you feel?
I am seriously dying. I think
there was something wrong with the
Come on, you ate everything but
the barn.
So did you.
That's right and you don't hear me
complaining about it.


Crosley moans and rocks back and forth on the bed.

Joanie sits up.
Are you OK, Crosley?
I guess.
You want me to call the nurse?
Oh God. No, that's all right.
Crossley rocks back and forth.
Is it OK if I just stay here for a
Sure, make yourself at home.
Forget it, sorry I asked.
Crosley makes no attempt to leave.
Joanie is confused. On one hand she feels sorry for Crosley
because she is in pain, on the other hand she doesn't care
because of the rumor she's heard. In an effort to be fair
she asks.
Can I ask your question Crosley?
You just did.
I heard you got busted stealing.
Is that true?
You bitch.
Crosley looks down at the floor somewhat embarrassed.


                       CROSLEY (cont)
If you want the 411 just ask
anybody. I'm sure everybody
I heard about it, I just don't
know the truth.
You wanna know the truth? You
wanna know the truth? You can't
handle the truth! Nobody can!
      (raising her head)
It is ironic. I stole Robinson's
overcoat, and was caught returning

Don't bull shit me, you knew.
No, really I didn't.
Are you originally from this
planet? Look, the long and the
short of it is, Robinson had this
really nice camel hair coat. I
loved it, I had to have it, I
ripped it off and stashed it in my
gym locker. Robinson was
devastated that she had lost her
coat. She never stopped looking
for that damn coat. I was ridden
with guilt. Robinson caught me
when I was putting the coat back
in her closet.
Crossley winces in pain, leans forward then backward.
You're lucky she didn't call the
cops or have you were kicked out
of school.
At this point I really don't care
one way or the other. The dean
got all sentimental and choked up
because I was busted putting the
coat back.
I don't know what it was about
that coat but I had to have it.


                       CROSLEY (cont'd)
You know what I mean?
I do.
Shut the front door!
Crosley gets comfortable on the bed.
                       CROSLEY (cont'd)
Wouldn't it be funny if the only
reason Garcia invited me to dinner
was to make her stepfather mad?
What are you talking about?
Like she wanted to punish him for
some reason and I'm the
punishment. She may have heard
I'm the biggest slut in this
school and who ever I brought
would have to be a slut too!
      (starting to laugh)
You're an idiot!
      (starting to laugh)
Stranger things have happened.
Both Crosley and Joanie start laughing.
Don't make me laugh! My stomachs
going to explode if I don't piss
myself first!
Their laughter and moaning subsides to quiet thought.
La Negro?


Any idea what you're gonna do with
that hundred bucks?
No idea. What are you thinking La
I'm thinking about buying a "man".
Ya, I haven't felt the warmth of a
man's naked body in a long time.
In fact, I'm still a virgin.
I thought you said you were the
biggest slut in this school?
So I exaggerate sometimes. How
about you? How far have you gone?
Paul and I have chosen this summer
for this momentous event.
Camera: close up on Joanie.
Joanie is thinking of Crosley's idea, "Buy a man". In an
effort to justify this cheat against Paul she tells herself
she will have all the experience needed to take care of
Paul's needs without making a fool of herself. Besides 3
months is a long time to wait. Anyway, she doesn't want to
buy a man. She just wants to rent one for a couple hours.
What Paul doesn't know won't hurt him.
I like your idea Crosley. Say
"bye-bye" to our innocence.


Joanie and Crosley stayed up late discussing how they would
go about finding a couple gigolos. They both agreed they
would start in the "Personals" section of the Saturday
Camera: Joanie is backlit by the window.

Crosley wakes up to Joanie looking through the personal adds
in the newspaper.
This sounds like a good one.
"Healthy young men ready to escort
women to the party, banquet, or to
just keep you company. Reasonable
hourly rates. Please call
Give them a call.
Camera: closeup of Joanie's face.

Joanie calls the number.
Hola, this is Rock...
                                         FADE OUT


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