Screenwriter Community |
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by Emma Massick (emmamassick@yahoo.com)
Rated:
Genre: Comedy
User Review:
Short 2 page screenplay for video production 101 class. story isnt finished, it just needed to be one scene from out story. I welcome any feedback and/or tips! let me know what i am doing wrong/right! Thanks!
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
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FADE IN:
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INT. DORM ROOM - DAY |
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NOAH
(sitting on his
bed)
Hey Isaac, have you gotten your
November care package from your
parents yet? the one they sent for
October was so awesome! I wish my
parents sent me monthly care
packages! |
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ISAAC
(Sitting on his
own bed, looks
annoyed)
No I haven't alright Noah? you
asked me like ten minutes ago!
dont you think you would have seen
it come in? You're always snooping
into my stuff. come on man get a
life. |
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NOAH
(looks offended)
well, its just your parents
mentioned that there would be
something for out whole dorm in
your next box, so i cant help but
wonder what could be in it! you
always get such cool things |
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ISAAC
(Noah)
whatever man. i gotta get to work.
im working a double shift today.
cha chingg! hey if my box does
come, dont snoop alright? |
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NOAH
(sarcastically)
yeah sure i wont open your
precious box, whatever |
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Isaac gets up and leaves for work, taking car keys and
backpack |
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2.
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INT. DORM HALL, MAILROOM - DAY |
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Noah walks in, theres another boy there, the guy who
controls the mail for the hall. |
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NOAH
(trying to look
into the mail
boxes)
Hey Greg uhh has any mail for
Isaac come today? he um sent me in
here to uhh check his mailbox... |
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Greg, looking very high and mighty, rolls his eyes and
adjusts "Offical Mail Organizer" pin that is on his jacket. |
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MAIL GUY (Greg)
look, Noah. all the guys in the
dorm call you Nosy Noah, you know
that right? I dont believe you for
a second, you're just trying to
snoop around isaacs stuff again. |
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NOAH
(looks suprised)
im not snooping! im just trying to
look out for a frie... |
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interuppted by an actual mail carrier who comes in
struggling with a large box |
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MAILMAN
(Reading label)
I have a delivery here for
a....Isaac Wilson? |
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Noah looks longingly at the box, and opens his mouth to say
something, but Greg is the first to speak up |
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MAIL GUY
(with a snooty
glance at noah)
Isaac isn't here right now, but
ill hold it for him in my SECURE
office. thanks |
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INT. STORE WHERE ISAAC WORKS - AFTERNOON |
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FADE OUT. |
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Feedback |
From Nick Hanks |
Date 1/30/2013 |
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Not funny. I was waiting to laugh, try your hand at drama first, it's much easier to make someone cry than it is to make someone laugh, you really gotta be a pro to master comic timing, Jerry Seinfeld was making a little over a million dollars an episode at one point, comedy is where the big boys come to play, read some scripts by Joel and Ethan Coen, so funny, they really know comic timing so well. |
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