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by nathan illsley (nillsley@comcast.net)

Rated:

Genre: Comedy User Review: NOT YET
RATED
A dark comedy following the intertwining lives of a friendly bank robber, the loose cannon detective investigating the case, and two stoners who attempt to extort him after witnessing the heist.

FADE IN:

INT. BLACK SCREEN - DAY

White writing fades in:

"hamartia [hah-mahr-tee-uh]

— noun
the error in judgement which leads to a character's downfall

Greek: a fault, tragic flaw, defect, or weakness in one's
character"

The writing pauses for a few seconds and then fades out.

INT. GLENN'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

GLENN KLOASE, a forthy something year old average looking
white guy walks into the kitchen holding a bowl of cereal.

He has a slightly neurotic personality, reminiscent of Woody
Allen or John Malkovich. He is wearing eye glasses, pajama
pants and a plain grey t-shirt.

Glenn takes a mouth full of cereal and puts the bowl down on
his kitchen table.

Next to the cereal is a black vest, a roll of red wire, an
old fashioned looking alarm clock, a role of duct tape, and
a few road flares.

Glenn whistles to himself.

He picks up the duct tape and pulls off a long strip, making
a loud noise.

INT. GRILLO’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY

ALAN GRILLO, a man in his mid thirties, stands in front of a
large mirror putting on a tie. He is tall, built, and is
wearing dress pants with a button down shirt tucked into
them.

GRILLO
What time is your shoot today?

FAITH
(from the bathroom)
Starts at noon.

GRILLO
What time are you coming back?

The tie is too short so he undoes it and starts over.

FAITH sticks her head out of the bathroom with a toothbrush
in her mouth. She is tall, slender, and has brown hair, and
is wearing jeans and a bra.

FAITH
Probably eight or so.

Grillo pauses for a moment.

GRILLO
You have an eight hour long photo
shoot?

He starts with his tie again.

FAITH
You know how these models are.
They take three hours in makeup
for ten minutes worth of still
pictures that just get
photoshopped anyways.

She pops back into the bathroom.

GRILLO
Alright... Well just call me when
you get the chance so I know if I
should make dinner of not.

FAITH
(from the bathroom)
I'll try but I don't know if I'll
have reception or not.

GRILLO
Why wouldn't you have reception?

FAITH
(from the bathroom)
Alan, I don't know, sometimes my
cell phone just has bad reception.

GRILLO
Have you thought of getting a new
one?

FAITH
(from the bathroom)
I don't need a new phone, I like
mine.

His tie is again too short so he removes it and starts over.

GRILLO
What's the point of having a phone
that only works sometimes?

FAITH
(from the bathroom)
If I wanted a new phone I'd get a
new phone. You don't think I could
figure that out?

GRILLO
Well if you could figure it out
why haven't you gotten a new one?

Faith quickly walks into the room, now dressed.

FAITH
(sarcastically)
I don't know. I must be stupid I
guess.

GRILLO
I never said that at all.

She walks up to him.

FAITH
You didn't need to did you?

She quickly walks out of the room.

Grillo's tie comes up short one more time. He pulls it off
and stares at himself in the mirror for a moment before
letting out a huge sigh.

GRILLO
(to himself)
Have a good shoot sweetie.

He tosses the tie on his bed and unbuttons the top of his
shirt.

INT. GYM - DAY

MORGAN FURLONG, a woman in her early thirties goes as fast
as she can on an elliptical machine.

She is wearing gym clothes and has a towel draped around her
neck. She is sweating her ass off.

INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY

Morgan stands in front of a mirror looking at herself for
several moments.

She turns to the side and inspects her body. She sucks in
her stomach for a moment and then releases.

She sighs negatively and looks disappointed.

EXT. STU AND FLOYD’S HOUSE - DAY

A huge white van with no rear windows is parked on the
street. Some smoke is coming out from the door.

INT. VAN - DAY

STU PITT and FLOYD SCOTT, both in their mid twenties, sit in
the back of the van in a couple of lawn chairs smoking pot.

There is smoke everywhere and they both have glazed looks on
their faces.

Stu looks like Adam Duritz from Counting Crows. Floyd has
long blonde hair down past his shoulders and resembles Brad
Pitt's stoner character from "True Romance."

They both talk like Jeff Spicoli from "Fast Times at
Ridgemont High."

STU
Did you hear that thunderstorm
last night man?

FLOYD
My fucking house was shaking man.
Shit was wild.

Floyd blows a smoke ring.

STU
What do you think wind is made of
anyways?

A beat.

FLOYD
Shit. I don't know. Maybe its like
when a cloud falls to Earth... or
something.

STU
You mean like the cloud falls and
pushes air around really fast?

FLOYD
That would totally explain thunder
too. It's because the clouds are
crashing down.

STU
Yeah, they're like smashing and
stuff.

FLOYD
That's freaking intense, man...

A beat.

The two look as if they had a moment of clarity.

FLOYD
So you wanna get breakfast?

STU
Yeah, let's get some breakfast.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

Grillo sits at his desk. There is so much clutter from
papers, folders, candy wrappers, and other junk that you
can't even see the wood.

He has a pen in his mouth and is looking through a folder.

JOHN SIMMONS, an huge African American detective walks up to
the desk.

SIMMONS
Heavy case load?

Grillo takes the pen out of his mouth and clicks it a couple
times.

GRILLO
Like always.

SIMMONS
What are you working on?

GRILLO
You know, to be honest I have no
idea. I'm doing one of those
things where I'm just kinda moving
my eyes around to different
sections of the paper without
actually reading anything.

SIMMONS
You ever think of taking a week
off? Look at you man, you're tired
as shit.

GRILLO
Simmons, I'm absolutely dead, but
that's what this job is right?

SIMMONS
You ever think that maybe you'd
get more shit done if you could
actually think straight?

GRILLO
I think I'm past the point of
thinking straight.

SIMMONS
You know a lot of serial killers
have said shit like that? That
sounded like an insanity defense.
You need to get your shit together
or else Rowan's gonna be all over
your ass.

GRILLO
I think Faith's having an affair.

A beat.

SIMMONS
Shit man, are you serious?

Grillo drops the pen on his desk.

GRILLO
I don't know. I don't even know
what to think.

SIMMONS
What happened?

GRILLO
She's just acting weird. She keeps
going on long ass photo shoots and
she's vague about where she's
going and she never calls anymore.

SIMMONS
You having problems in the
bedroom?

GRILLO
No actually, because we barely
have sex anymore.

Simmons leans in towards Grillo.

SIMMONS
You know, they got a pill for that
type of thing.

GRILLO
No... No, man, my cock works...
fine. I just mean she never wants
to do anything. And when we do
it's boring. It's like I'm doing
it with a corpse.

SIMMONS
Then step up your game man. Don't
just do missionary with the lights
off. Try something new.

GRILLO
I think you're missing the point.
It isn't that the sex is bad, it's
that there is no... I think she's
seeing someone else.

SIMMONS
Well I'll tell you what, you find
this mother fucker and I'll make
sure he never goes near her again.

GRILLO
Is that so?

SIMMONS
Hell yeah. You zap a man's nutsack
with a cattle prod, he won't mess
with you gain.

Simmons pats Grillo on the back and walks away.

GRILLO
Thanks for the help Simmons.

SIMMONS
Love you too, man.

INT. BREAKFAST PLACE - DAY

The restaurant is a typical diner. Glenn sits at a booth by
himself and has on a wig, a fake beard and mustache,
different eye glasses, and a brown jacket. He is reading a
newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee.

Occasionally he looks over the top of his paper to the bank
across the street.

Stu and Floyd enter the diner, giggling. They sit down two
booths away from Glenn, the booth between them vacant. Stu
is facing Glenn.

STU
What are you getting?

FLOYD
Pancakes, bro. What are you
getting?

STU
Pan fucking cakes, bro.

A young waitress, STACEY, approaches the table.

STACEY
Hey guys, can I start you off with
something to drink? Maybe milk or
OJ?

STU
Yeah, listen, we need, like, a
huge plate of pancakes.

FLOYD
Yeah.

A beat.

Stacey looks confused.

STACEY
Okay... Um, how many each?

STU
Just a ton is good.

FLOYD
Yeah.

A beat.

STACEY
You think, like, four each would
be good?

Stu laughs.

STU
That'll do.

FLOYD
Thank you Stacey.

She turns and walks away.

Glenn looks out the window at the bank again.

STU
I started watching that show
"Honey Boo Boo" last week. Have
you seen...

Stu notices Glenn.

STU
Holy shit, holy shit! Dude, do you
know who that is!?

Floyd turns around to look at Glenn.

FLOYD
Honey Boo Boo?

STU
No man! That's Vin fucking Diesel!

FLOYD
No shit!

10.

STU
Dude, I swear that's him.

Stacey comes back to the table with two plates of pancakes
and sets them down.

STU
Stacey, is that who I think it is?

He subtly points to Glenn. She looks over.

STACEY
Um, I don't know... Who do you
think it is?

STU
That is none other than the star
of masterpieces such as "XXX,"
"The Fast and the Furious," and
"The Pacifier." Vin Diesel.

A beat.

STACEY
The guy with the beard and the
mustache?

STU
Precisely.

STACEY
Um, I don't know.

STU
Rest assured, Stacey. That is the
master himself.

STACEY
Okay...

FLOYD
Thank you for the pancakes Stacey.
They look lovely.

They both laugh.

Stacey walks away in confusion.

STU
Dude, although these pancakes are
calling me to eat them, I cannot
do so until I confirm that XXX is
eating at the same establishment
(MORE)

11.

STU (cont'd)
as us.

FLOYD
Should we just go ask him?

STU
(yells)
Vin!

FLOYD
Dude, shut up.

STU
(yells)
Vin Diesel!

Glenn doesn't move at all.

FLOYD
That might not be him, man.

STU
I bet he's just keeping a low
profile so he doesn't have to sign
autographs. But that wont thwart
the mighty Stu.

Stu stands up and walks towards Glenn's booth. He approaches
Glenn.

STU
Excuse me, Mr. Diesel?

Glenn looks up, puzzled.

GLENN
What?

STU
I hate to bother you Mr. Diesel, I
just wanted to say that you're an
all-American badass action hero.

Glenn squints in confusion.

GLENN
What are you talking about?

STU
It's okay Mr. Diesel, I don't want
to bother you, I just wanted to
pay my respects.

12.

GLENN
I don't know what you're talking
about. My name's not Mr...
Diesel...

STU
It's okay dude. I know.

Stu winks and walks back to his table. Glenn shakes his head
in confusion and resumes reading his paper.

STU
After a closer facial inspection,
I have determined that that is
without a doubt Mr. Vin Diesel.

FLOYD
Dude, did he say any of his lines
for you?

STU
Nah, he played it all coy like he
didn't know what I was talking
about.

They both stuff their faces with pancakes.

FLOYD
Maybe it wasn't him man.

STU
As sure as the sky is blue, that
was him.

FLOYD
I'll bet you a pancake it wasn't.

STU
And how do you plan on confirming
the true identity of the gentleman
in question?

Glenn stands up from his table and walks towards the
bathroom.

FLOYD
Watch and learn man.

Floyd stands up and follows him to the bathroom.

He stands outside the door for a moment until Glenn walks
out.

13.

Floyd purposely bumps into Glenn and pickpockets his wallet.

FLOYD
Sorry bro, my bad.

GLENN
No worries.

INT. BREAKFAST PLACE - BATHROOM - DAY

Floyd stands in front of the mirror and removes Glenn's
license from the wallet.

FLOYD
Why, thank you... Glenn. You just
got me a free pancake.

Floyd looks into the mirror, grabs himself by the groin, and
sticks his tongue out.

FLOYD
Suck it Stu!

INT. BREAKFAST PLACE - DAY

Floyd walks up to Glenn's table and hands him back his
wallet.

FLOYD
I found this in the bathroom, sir.
I think it's yours.

GLENN
Oh... thank you.

FLOYD
That's why I'm here bro.

Glenn places the wallet back in his pocket and Floyd returns
to his own table.

FLOYD
You owe me a pancake, Poncho.

STU
No way, bro, where's the proof.

Floyd hands Stu Glenn's license that he took out of the
wallet.

14.

FLOYD
That is not Vin Diesel my
simpleminded friend.

Stu inspects the ID and looks upset.

STU
Shit, I really thought that was
him this time.

FLOYD
You owe me a pancake compadre.

STU
I was kind of counting on that to
be him so I ate all mine... and
the one of yours I thought you
were gonna owe me.

FLOYD
Goddammit dude, that's weak.

STU
Sorry bro.

A beat.

FLOYD
So, you wanna go smoke again?

STU
Probably, yeah.

EXT. BREAKFAST PLACE - DAY

Glen exits the breakfast place and throws his newspaper in a
trash barrel. He pauses for a brief moment and walks across
the street.

EXT. DAWE SAVINGS BANK - DAY

Glenn approaches the door to the bank, pauses for a moment,
takes a deep breath and walks inside.

INT. DAWE SAVINGS BANK - DAY

Glenn walks in and takes a look around.

There is no security guard and not too many people inside
the bank.

15.

He gets in line with only one person in front of him.

After a moment or two he gets called to the next teller,
ANNA.

ANNA
I can take you over here, sir.

Glenn walks over to her with a big smile on his face. He
speaks incredibly nicely and acts very friendly.

GLENN
Hi.

ANNA
How are you today?

GLENN
I'm very well, thank you.

A beat where Glenn just smiles.

ANNA
What can I do for you today?

GLENN
I'm gonna need to take out a
little bit of cash.

ANNA
Sure, do you have a withdrawal
slip?

Glenn sighs.

GLENN
No, I don't.

ANNA
Well... you need to fill one out.

GLENN
Anna is it? Anna, you seem like a
smart girl. I was hoping we could
do this a different way. See I
don't have... an "account" here...
per sey.

Glenn makes air quotes with his hands.

16.

ANNA
I'm... sorry sir, but you need to
have an account here to make a
withdrawal.

GLENN
Yeah, see, I was hoping there was
some way around that.

Glenn unzips his jacket a little, exposing the top of
several road flares and a couple pieces of wire.

Anna looks at it in horror.

Glenn smiles back.

ANNA
Fuck.

CUT TO:

EXT. DAWE SAVINGS BANK - DAY

Glenn exits the bank with a proud look on his face and walks
down an alley way on the street.

EXT. BRIDGE - DAY

Morgan leans on the railing of a large bridge over a river.

Cars go by every few seconds. Her eyes are red and she looks
like she has been crying for a while.

She sniffles several times.

She looks down and sees a rock near her feet. She kicks it
over the edge and watches it fall for a long time until it
lands in the river below.

She sniffles a couple more times and then tightly grasps the
railing. She sits on the ledge, swings her legs over the
railing, and slowly stands up on the other side.

She begins to cry again.

INT. GLENN’S CAR - DAY

Glenn, no longer wearing his facial prosthetics drives onto
the bridge. He is listening to upbeat jazz music.

17.

He hums along for a few moments until he sees Morgan
standing on the side of the bridge.

GLENN
Oh, dear Lord!

He slams on the brake and the car stops about ten feet past
where she is standing.

EXT. BRIDGE - DAY

Glenn gets out of his car and rushes towards Morgan. They
both speak incredibly nervously and jittery.

GLENN
What do you think you're doing!?

MORGAN
Don't come any closer!

She points one hand at him.

Glenn abruptly stops in his tracks.

When he speaks he frets and uses a great deal of hand
motions.

GLENN
Okay, I'm stopped... Can you at
least answer me though? I, I think
I should at least figure out what
you're doing.

MORGAN
I'm... just getting a better look
at the river.

GLENN
You know there's better ways to do
that? I mean you could use a boat,
or walk along the shore, or...

MORGAN
(interrupts)
Would you shut up!?

GLENN
Okay yeah, we could try that.

A beat.

18.

GLENN
So, what's you're name?

MORGAN
What?

GLENN
Your name, your name, what is it?

MORGAN
Morgan.

GLENN
Well, Morgan, it's very nice to
meet you. Strange circumstances,
yes, but still, it's a pleasure.

MORGAN
Right.

GLENN
I'm Glenn. Glenn Kloase.

MORGAN
Your name is Glenn Kloase? Like
the actress?

GLENN
Well, yes that is my name, but I
spell it K-L-O-A-S-E so it's a
little diffe - it doesn't really
matter, just call me Glenn.

Morgan laughs nervously to herself.

MORGAN
I saw 101 Dalmatians with my
little cousin... That movie was
awful.

GLENN
I don't recall seeing that one but
I can imagine it wasn't great. I'm
kind of a cinephile but I don't
really like remakes.

MORGAN
Can you just leave, Glenn.

GLENN
Well that's not really an option
now is it, Morgan?

19.

MORGAN
Why not? Just drive away.

GLENN
Because we're pretty much friends
now. I mean we're on a first name
basis and we talked about movies
and you know... If I leave then
all day tomorrow I'm gonna be on
the, uh, the Google searching for
you. You've put me in a very
awkward position here.

MORGAN
I didn't do anything to you! You
stopped the car not me.

GLENN
Well I don't mean to be sarcastic,
but if you didn't want people to
see you then you should have
picked a bridge that was a little
less public.

She shoots him and angry look.

MORGAN
Are you really giving a potential
suicide victim sass right now?

GLENN
I'm sorry, I guess I'm just
reacting strangely because of the
predicament we're in. I haven't
really had to deal with this type
of thing in the past. I mean,
friends in crisis yes, but
never...

MORGAN
(interrupts)
Can you just stop talking!

GLENN
Yeah, sure.

A beat.

GLENN
So where are you from?

MORGAN
Oh my God.

20.

GLENN
I'm sorry! Can, can you just come
back over the railing for my sake?
If you jump in front of me I'm
gonna be scarred for life and I'll
develop a stomach ulcer, and it's
- it's just better if you come
this way.

A beat.

MORGAN
I don't know what's better
anymore.

GLENN
Well how about you come back over
the railing and we'll talk about
it?

MORGAN
I really think you should just go
Glenn.

GLENN
I feel like this is that one scene
in Titanic right now... How about
this, I'll make you a deal. You
come talk to me about whatever's
going wrong and if it's really as
bad as you say it is, I'll drive
you back here and push you off the
edge myself? How about that, can
we do that instead?

Morgan laughs slightly and a moment passes.

CUT TO:

INT. GLENN’S CAR - DAY

Glenn and Morgan drive along in the car for a few moments
before speaking.

MORGAN
I'm sorry about all that.

GLENN
It's really okay, I didn't have
anything else to do today anyways.

21.

MORGAN
You know I was standing there for
two minutes before you got there?
Nobody stopped.

GLENN
Two minutes doesn't seem like that
long.

MORGAN
Trust me, it was.

A beat.

GLENN
So you wanna tell me what was
going on?

MORGAN
Not really.

GLENN
I thought we had a deal! You can't
just break a promise like that.

MORGAN
It's just that someone I cared
about turned out to be a different
person than I thought they were.

A beat.

GLENN
And?

MORGAN
And what?

GLENN
That's the whole story? You broke
up with someone so you wanted to
kill yourself?

MORGAN
I didn't just break up with
someone okay? I had put more into
it than anything else and then
they just changed... all of a
sudden. I've never felt this
betrayed before.

22.

GLENN
But that's part of life, you know?
Sometimes you have to learn the
hard way and then you're better
for it.

MORGAN
Do you just sit around watching
Dr. Phil all day?

GLENN
It's not on all day lo - you know
what I mean. It's the whole "what
doesn't kill us makes us stronger"
thing.

MORGAN
Glenn, I don't mean to sound like
a bitch, but have you ever dated
anyone before?

GLENN
What's that supposed to mean?

MORGAN
If you've ever been in a
relationship you'd know that all
that talk is complete bullshit.

GLENN
Of course I've dated before!

MORGAN
Glenn that stuff doesn't translate
to real relationships. When you
love someone, you put everything
you have into it and when they
shut you down... Just trust me,
listening to someone tell you that
you're better off when you're at
your weakest doesn't mean much.

A beat.

Glenn looks shut down.

MORGAN
But at the same time, jumping off
a bridge probably wouldn't have
helped either... Thanks for
stopping Glenn.

23.

GLENN
Any time... Well, I hope n - you
know what I mean.

She smiles slightly.

EXT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - DAY

Morgan lives in a traditional brick apartment building.

Glenn pulls up in front and stops the car.

INT. GLENN’S CAR - DAY

MORGAN
Thanks for the ride Glenn.

GLENN
Yeah, yeah, no problem... Are you
gonna be alright? I mean to be
alone?

MORGAN
Yeah, I'll be fine. That was dumb
before. I think I just wanted to
know that somebody would actually
stop for me.

GLENN
It's a good thing I was driving by
then.

MORGAN
Yeah... You wanna... grab some
coffee or something?

GLENN
Wh - right now?

MORGAN
Yeah... If you want to...

GLENN
Actually, right now isn't the best
time for me. I was actually kind
of in the middle of something...
when I saw you.

MORGAN
Yeah, of course, it's fine. That
was probably dumb anyways.

24.

She laughs nervously and opens the car door to get out.

GLENN
Wait hold on.

She stops.

Glenn reaches over and opens up his glovebox. Some random
trash falls out. He finds a pen and an old piece of paper
and writes down his phone number.

GLENN
This is probably the strangest way
I have ever met someone before,
but if you need anything at all
tonight I want you to call me,
okay?

MORGAN
You don't have to do that Glenn.

GLENN
I know I don't have to but what
could it hurt? I don't really have
anything to do later, I might as
well talk someone out of killing
themselves again.

She laughs a little.

MORGAN
I think that was kind of sweet...
on some level.

GLENN
Chivalry is not dead, right?

MORGAN
I hate that expression.

GLENN
Yeah, I don't know why I said that
really.

MORGAN
I know what you meant though... I
appreciate it.

A beat.

MORGAN
Alright, well, I'll see you
Glenn... Thanks... for everything.

25.

GLENN
Feel better Morgan.

She gets out of the car and walks into her apartment.

Glen puts his car into drive and begins to pull away.

GLENN
Why can't I just meet a girl at a
- a wine tasting or something?

INT. DAWE SAVINGS BANK - DAY

The bank is full of cops and crime scene tape is all over
the place. In the background, people are being interviewed
by officers and detectives.

Grillo stands talking to Anna, the teller who had previously
been robbed by Glenn. He has a notebook out and is jotting
things down as they speak.

Anna is fairly calm and doesn't seem too bright.

GRILLO
So walk me through this once more.
He comes up to the counter, he
threatens you, and...

Grillo motions for her to finish the sentence.

ANNA
No, no, he didn't threaten me
really.

GRILLO
Then what did he say?

ANNA
He was smiling the entire time and
he told me he didn't have an
account but he still needed to
make a withdrawal. And I told him
I couldn't really help him if he
didn't have an account... and then
he smiled a little more, and then
he unzipped his jacket a little
and I saw the top of a bomb that
he had strapped to his chest.

GRILLO
You're sure it was a bomb?

26.

ANNA
I don't know, I mean I've never
seen a bomb up close but it had
wires and a clock on it and it
looked like it does on TV.

GRILLO
What do you mean?

ANNA
It looked like sticks of dynamite
strapped to his chest with wires
coming out of it and, um... and a
clock attached to it... You know
like the kind they had on Looney
Toons with the roadrunner and the
coyote thing?

A beat.

Grillo looks confused.

GRILLO
So... he had a cartoon bomb
strapped to him?

ANNA
Well it just LOOKED like it does
in cartoons... it wasn't animated
or anything...

GRILLO
Well, yeah, I figured it wasn't
animated... because this is real
life... and that doesn't - never
mind. Um, so what he did say after
he showed you the... whatever?

Grillo points to his chest in reference to the "bomb."

ANNA
He just asked for the money and
told me not to press the red
button under the desk... I don't
know how he knew it was red
though. He must've been casing us
for years.

She looks sure.

GRILLO
Maybe he just assumed it was red?

27.

ANNA
Oh... maybe... Actually it might
not even be red... I've never
actually looked at the button...
It's kind of in a weird spot so
I'd have to lay down on the ground
to really look at it...

GRILLO
(interrupts)
Let's just stay on task here... if
we can.

ANNA
Yeah, for sure.

GRILLO
Okay, so he says not to press the
button and then he threatens to
blow you up.

ANNA
No, no, not at all. He actually
never mentioned the bomb. He just
kind of showed the top to me and
then asked for seventy five
thousand dollars... he was
actually really polite about it.

GRILLO
Polite.

ANNA
Yeah, he kept apologizing to me
and told me I was doing a great
job. He was actually being very
friendly... besides robbing the
bank.

GRILLO
And then you just gave him the
money?

ANNA
I mean I had to go get it from out
in the safe first. There's never
that much in the drawer.

Grillo again looks confused.

28.

GRILLO
So you went all the way back to
the safe and didn't tell anyone
the bank was being robbed?

ANNA
Well, I mean, the guy had a bomb
on him. I thought if he saw me
tell anyone he'd blow us all to
smithereens!

GRILLO
Right but...

ANNA
(interrupts)
SMITHEREENS!

Grillo points to his notebook.

GRILLO
Right, smithereens, got it. But
how did he smuggle that much money
out without anyone noticing?

ANNA
Actually movies make money seem
like it's a lot bigger than it is.
A stack of ten grand is only about
this thick.

She holds her fingers about half an inch apart from each
other.

Glen closes his eyes for second and collects his thoughts.

GLENN
Alright, so, I just wanna make
sure I have the whole story here.
This guy, a friendly guy, walks
into the bank, approaches you,
starts casual conversation, shows
you that he has a homemade Looney
Toons bomb strapped to his chest,
demands a bunch of money, you give
it to him, without telling anyone,
he says "thank you," and then just
walks out?

She thinks for a moment and nods.

ANNA
Yes. Pretty much, yeah.

29.

Grillo flips his notebook closed and puts it away.

GRILLO
Okay, great. You've been very...
Aright, you'll be hearing from us.

She looks pleased with herself and smiles. Grillo walks away
and approaches Simmons.

GRILLO
You get anything usable?

SIMMONS
Nobody even saw the dude. We're
still waiting on the security
footage so when we get that we'll
see what we can find. Probably
release it to the press too. See
if anybody recognizes the guy. How
about you?

GRILLO
I talked to the teller he robbed.
That was useless. She treated the
interview like it was an Abbot and
Costello routine.

SIMMONS
There's not much more to do here,
you might as well head back to the
station and start the paperwork.

GRILLO
I hate paperwork. You never see
them do paperwork on CSI... It's
not fair.

SIMMONS
I'll let you know when the footage
get's in, alright?

GRILLO
Alright, I'll see you back there.

EXT. DAWE SAVINGS BANK - DAY

Grillo exits the bank and takes his cell phone out of his
pocket. After dialing and putting the phone up to his ear,
the phone rings several times and then goes to Faith's
voicemail.

30.

FAITH
(voicemail)
Hi, it's Faith. Leave me a mess...

Grillo angrily hangs up the phone.

He dials again and the same thing happens.

FAITH
(voicemail)
Hi, it's Faith. Lea...

He hangs up again.

GRILLO
Ah! Goddammit, answer your phone!

A SKATER kid walks by holding his skateboard at his side
with his two friends. They're all in their early teens and
are dressed like punks.

SKATER
What's the matter bro? Your biddy
won't answer you?

His friends laugh in approval.

Grillo angrily shakes his head.

GRILLO
Not today kid.

SKATER
Ooooooooh, I'm really scared of
the guy with the relationship
problems.

Grillo smiles and laughs.

GRILLO
You know what, now this is
happening.

Grillo charges the kids, grabs the Skater's skateboard, and
smashes it against a telephone pole until it snaps in half.

GRILLO
Here's your skateboard you little
prick.

Grillo hands the board back to the paralyzed skater and his
friends who all look on in shock and horror.

31.

Grillo, pleased with himself, turns around and begins to
walk away. He notices five other officers in uniform looking
on in silence with their jaws dropped, and stops in his
tracks.

CUT TO:

INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY

Grillo sits at a large wooden desk, facing the CHIEF. The
chief is a middle aged man with a beard who seems to hate
his job.

GRILLO
They attacked me! They said they
were gonna beat me over the head
with the skateboard! And they
called me some pretty degrading
names, let me tell you. It was
petrifying and I just reacted.

A beat.

CHIEF
Officer Grillo, how many times has
this type of thing happened?

A beat.

GRILLO
If you're referring to the
incident with the midget... and
the PVC pipe, that case was
dropped for insufficient evidence.

CHIEF
Alan, you're a good cop... and a
great detective... But you are
slowly but surely becoming a
liability. The only reason those
kids didn't file a report this
morning is because they were
twelve... and because they were
shaking too much to write
anything... or to speak.

GRILLO
I know, I know. I'm sorry, I just
lost my temper. They just struck a
chord with me, it won't happen
again.

32.

CHIEF
I can't keep protecting you Alan.
I can't always be there to watch
out for you.

GRILLO
I'll be more careful from now on
Chief, I promise.

Grillo stands up, reaches across, and shakes the Chief's
hand.

CHIEF
You know the old saying, Alan.
People who live in glass houses...
uh, need to watch where they
shower - no that's not it. Um,
they need to... beware of dropping
heavy things? No, shit, that makes
no sense. Maybe...

GRILLO
I get the point Chief.

Grillo begins walking towards the door.

CHIEF
This is gonna bother me to no end
now. People who... they need to be
careful during thunderstorms?
Goddammit...

GRILLO
It's okay Chief.

CHIEF
I can't remember this fucking
adage. I'm gonna get it though.

GRILLO
Well, I'm gonna go start up that
paperwork.

CHIEF
Something to do with power lines
maybe?

GRILLO
I'll see you Chief.

Grillo exits and closes the door behind him.

33.

INT. STU AND FLOYD’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Stu and Floyd sit watching TV on a ratty old couch in a
living room clouded with smoke.

There's a coffee table in front of them covered with fast
food wrappers and empty soda bottles.

The rest of the room is very cluttered with magazines,
trash, toys, and clothes scattered all over the place.

Stu has the remote in his hand and it flipping through the
channels.

Floyd is peeling the stickers off of a mixed up Rubik's Cube
and placing them back on in the correct positions.

STU
The TV sucks man. There's nothing
on.

Floyd looks up from his project.

FLOYD
See if you can find Maury. I love
when Maury's like "You are NOT the
father" and then everybody freaks
out... you know?

STU
Yeah dude, Maury's my boy.

Floyd looks back down.

Stu keeps flipping though channels until he stops on the
news where a female ANCHOR is speaking.

ANCHOR
And breaking news coming from the
Dawes Savings Bank in East
Bridgewater. The police have just
released security footage of a
bank robbery from earlier in the
day.

Stu watches the report as Floyd continues to fiddle with the
Rubik's Cube.

ANCHOR
The suspect in question has yet to
be identified but authorities are
asking that civilians with any
information regarding his identity
or whereabouts contacts their
(MORE)

34.

ANCHOR (cont'd)
local police force immediately.

The news station plays grainy security footage of Glenn,
dressed in his disguise, approaching the counter in the bank
and speaking with the teller.

Stu's eyes open wide and his jaw drops.

STU
Dude, check it out!

Floyd looks up.

FLOYD
What?

STU
On TV man! That's fucking Vin
Diesel robbing a bank!

FLOYD
Oh cool, man, I don't think I've
ever seen this movie.

STU
It's not a movie man! It's on the
news!

FLOYD
Wait, but why would Vin Diesel
need to rob a bank? He's rich,
isn't he?

STU
No man! It's Vin Diesel from this
morning! The dude from the
breakfast place!

FLOYD
Oh yeah... You still owe me a
pancake for that shit, man.

STU
Dude pay attention, the guy we saw
this morning just robbed a bank!
We're witnesses!

Floyd gets ecstatic and gives Stu a huge high five.

FLOYD
Fuck yeah, dude! This kicks ass!

35.

A beat.

FLOYD
So what do we do now?

A beat.

STU
Dude, I have an idea.

FLOYD
You wanna smoke again?

STU
No man... Well yeah, but not right
now... I mean I have a plan. A
scheme if you will.

FLOYD
What is it?

STU
So the pretty news lady just said
that nobody knows who this dude is
right?

FLOYD
I'm following you so far.

STU
But we know who he is.

A beat.

FLOYD
Vin Diesel?

STU
No, man. I think you're forgetting
one crucial piece of information.

FLOYD
What?

Stu reaches in his pocket and removes Glenn's ID.

STU
You, my clever friend, took the ID
out of his pocket to prove to me
that it wasn't, in fact, screen
legend Vin Diesel. So now we're
the only people who know who he
is.

36.

FLOYD
Should we call the cops or
something?

STU
Although that is the morally
correct thing to do, I have a
better idea. We confront the
culprit and try to illicit a bribe
out of him.

FLOYD
So what you're saying is that we
ignore the authorities' orders and
take it upon ourself to use the
opportunity we're presented with
to acquire a cash settlement of
some sort?

STU
That is my suggestion, brother.

FLOYD
I don't know it seems kind of
wrong... but at the same time,
fuck it, the dude's a bank robber.
If anything we're doing the world
a service.

STU
Yeah, we should get an award or
something.

FLOYD
For sure.

STU
So tomorrow I say we do a
stakeout... I think that's what
they do in the movies, right?

FLOYD
Let Operation: Get Money... From
The... Bank Robber Guy commence.

STU
We'll see you bright and early
Mr...

Stu looks at the ID.

STU
... Glenn Kloase.

37.

FLOYD
His name is Glenn Kloase?

They both burst out laughing.

STU
Dude, I wonder if his parents
named him after the chick from 101
Dalmatians!

FLOYD
(in fake voice)
"Oh, man, that 101 Dalmatians
movie was so good, I'm gonna name
my son after it!"

STU
His parents must be so dumb, man.

FLOYD
Shit, that's good.

STU
Oh, man.

A beat.

They both stop laughing and sit in silence once again.

Floyd resumes peeling stickers off the Rubik's Cube and Stu
flicks through the channels again.

INT. GRILLO'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Grillo is preparing dinner. He stands near the stove and is
cooking something in a pan.

Faith enters the house through a door in the kitchen.

GRILLO
Hey. You're home a little earlier
than I thought you would be,
dinner's not quite ready.

FAITH
I'm gonna go change anyways.

She drops her bag down on a chair, walks up to Grillo and
gives him a kiss on the cheek.

He pauses for a moment.

38.

GRILLO
Did you smoke?

FAITH
What do you mean?

GRILLO
Did you just have a cigarette or
something? You kind of taste...
weird.

FAITH
What? No, it must have been from
the photo shoot.

GRILLO
What do you mean?

FAITH
I don't know, I mean we were using
smoke machines and all sorts of
things, I don't know. I'm gonna go
change before we eat.

She exits the room.

GRILLO
(to himself)
Didn't realize they used tobacco
in smoke machines.

INT. GRILLO’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Grillo and faith sit at the table in silence for a few
moments while they eat.

GRILLO
So tell me about the shoot today.
How'd it go?

FAITH
I mean it was pretty standard. It
wasn't anything too special.

GRILLO
What was it for again?

FAITH
Jeans.

GRILLO
What company though?

39.

FAITH
I can't even remember. Nothing big
though. All these companies just
kind of look the same after I've
been doing it this long.

GRILLO
Yeah... But you said you used a
smoke machine today. What exactly
did that have to do with jeans?

FAITH
Something to do with the model
being on top of a cloud because...
she was so happy... with the
jeans.

GRILLO
So you had to pretend she was on a
cloud?

FAITH
Yeah... I don't know where they
got the idea but I don't have any
say in that. I just point and
shoot.

GRILLO
Can I see some of the pictures you
took?

FAITH
What? Why?

GRILLO
I'm just curious about your work.
It sounds like kind of a cool
shoot.

FAITH
Oh... Well I'll have to show you
some other time. I left my camera
at the studio.

GRILLO
You always leave it there?

FAITH
I don't know Alan, sometimes I do,
sometimes I don't. What's with all
these questions tonight?

40.

GRILLO
Sorry, forget I asked.

They both resume eating their meal.

FAITH
(monotonously)
I like the chicken.

GRILLO
Thanks.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Glenn walks to his fridge, opens the freezer, and removes a
TV dinner. He drops it on his counter, removes the plastic
wrap off the top, places it in the microwave, and presses a
couple buttons on the timer.

The phone rings.

Glenn looks over to the phone, presses the start button on
the microwave, and walks over to the phone, answering it.

GLENN
Hello?

MORGAN
(on the phone)
Glenn?

GLENN
Yes?

MORGAN
(on the phone)
It's Morgan.

GLENN
Morgan...

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Morgan's living room is fairly dim lit and she is drinking a
glass of red wine and smoking a cigarette as she paces
around the room nervously.

MORGAN
From this morning? You stopped me
from jumping off a bridge?

41.

She laughs nervously.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
Of course I remember. You're
acting like that's a daily
occurrence for me.

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
I just didn't know if you
remembered my name or not.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
Yeah, no, I just have a huge
rolodex of people I've saved from
suicide.

Glenn puts a hand on his head, realizing how stupid he is.

MORGAN
(on the phone)
What?

GLENN
Oh, God, that was an awful joke,
I'm sorry. Trying to lighten the
mood or something, I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, I remember you, of
course. What's going on? Is
everything okay?

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
Yeah, yeah, don't worry,
everything's fine. I just wanted
to call you... and tell you
something... but I didn't realize
how awkward you'd be.

She laughs.

42.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
God, I know, I know. I didn't know
what else to say. I just panicked
and tried to make light...

The microwave timer beeps.

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Morgan sits down on her couch.

MORGAN
No, actually I kind of like it.
The way YOU act makes me feel
better about myself.

Morgan slaps her hand to her forehead.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Glenn holds the phone with his shoulder and removes the hot
TV dinner from the microwave, dropping it on the counter.

GLENN
Yeah, I tend to have that effect
on people. It's a gift.

EXT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

MORGAN
So the reason why I called you...
Okay this is going to sounds
crazy, and I know that... but I
think it's fate that we met.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
Fate?

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
Yeah you know, fate, destiny,
whatever you wanna call it.

43.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
So you think some kind of divine
intervention made us cross paths
today?

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
Don't make fun of me you ass. Just
hear me out... What do you think
it would have taken for you and me
to wind up on that bridge at the
same moment like that?

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
I don't know... intersecting
schedules?

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
I'm being serious! Think of all
the actions you've ever made.

GLENN
(on the phone)
That's too many things to
remember.

MORGAN
Just... think of how many actions
you've ever made in your life.
Everything from tying your shoes,
to stopping at a stop sign, to
taking a shower. Everything you've
ever done has taken up a certain
amount of time and all of those
actions led to the two of us being
on that bridge at the exact same
time. Do you really think that's a
coincidence?

44.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Glenn is leaning back on his countertop with his arms
crossed.

A beat.

GLENN
Kind of, yeah.

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
Well, I don't. It just can't be.
You literally saved my life today.
We didn't just walk past each
other on the sidewalk or bump into
each other in a McDonalds... We
crossed paths at the single most
crucial moment of my life... That
can't be a coincidence!

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
Okay, so say you're right. Say it
was fate... What's the point? Why
did you need to live?

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Morgan is taken back by Glenn's question.

MORGAN
What?

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
Oh God, I didn't mean it that way!
I'm sorry!

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
What do you mean Glenn?

45.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
I just mean if something brought
me to you to save your life, that
means there has to be some kind of
purpose for it right? Like are we
going to find the cure for cancer
or save a bus full of nuns or
what?

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
I don't know yet... but it has to
be something.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

A beat.

GLENN
So what do we do now?

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
I don't know yet... I'll tell you
what, tomorrow we're gonna get
coffee and figure this out.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Glen reacts with slightly frustrated body language.

GLENN
Shouldn't we just let the, uh, the
planets align... or, or let the
universe or something figure this
out?

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
No... We should get coffee and try
to learn more about each other to
figure out why we crossed paths...
unless you're too busy or you just
(MORE)

46.

MORGAN (cont'd)
don't care or something.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

GLENN
(begrudgingly)
Okay... Um, just give me a call in
the morning or something and we'll
meet up, okay?

MORGAN
(on the phone)
Okay.

GLENN
Alright, I'll talk to you.

MORGAN
(on the phone)
Bye Glenn.

GLENN
Wait, Morgan.

INT. MORGAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MORGAN
Yeah?

A beat.

GLENN
(on the phone)
Never mind, I can't - I was gonna
try to think of something cool to
say to end the conversation but -
just forget it, I ruined the exit,
never mind.

MORGAN
See you tomorrow Glenn.

GLENN
(on the phone)
Okay, bye.

She hangs up the phone and smiles.

47.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Glenn hangs up the phone and pauses for a moment before
picking up his TV dinner and walking out of frame.

INT. GRILLO’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Grillo and Faith lay in bed, not touching each other. Faith
is sound asleep but Grillo is wide awake.

He reaches over and taps on his alarm clock which
illuminates, revealing that it is 4:45 in the morning.

EXT. POLICE STATION - DAY

The next morning.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

A visibly exhausted Grillo is sitting at his desk reviewing
the bank security footage on a small television monitor.

Simmons walks up to the desk.

SIMMONS
How we making out on the tapes?

GRILLO
Literally just started maybe two
minutes ago.

SIMMONS
You need any help?

GRILLO
Pull up a chair, man.

A beat.

SIMMONS
That was really more of an empty
gesture than anything.

GRILLO
I thought it might be.

SIMMONS
Enjoy that shit, I'll catch you
later.

48.

Simmons walks away and Grillo goes back to watching the
footage.

He watches for several seconds until he appears to see
something serious. He pauses and rewinds the tape.

He freezes the frame and focuses in on a man and a woman
walking next to each other into the bank, completely
ignoring the robbery taking place.

Grillo looks closer and closer at the grainy footage of the
woman, who bares a very minimal resemblance to Faith.

GRILLO
Faith.

Grillo reaches into his drawer and removes a picture of
Faith in a frame. He places it up to the screen next to the
image of the woman in the bank. They don't look to be the
same person.

Grillo rubs his eyes several times and looks closer at both
images.

GRILLO
Mother fucker!

Grillo takes the picture frame and smashes it on the ground,
gets up, and stomps on it several times.

Everyone else in the station stops what they are doing and
stares at him.

GRILLO
Cheating! Fucking! Whore!

CUT TO:

INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY

Glenn and the chief sit identically to how they did during
their first encounter.

GRILLO
Okay, this one was my fault.

CHIEF
What did I say about the glass
houses Alan?

GRILLO
A lot of things... actually.

49.

CHIEF
Whatever's happening in your own
life... don't bring it here.

GRILLO
Never again, I promise chief.

CHIEF
If you can't master your rage,
your rage becomes your master...
and things involving masters sound
too much like either slavery or
kung fu, neither of which I
like... So make sure you sort
things out.

Grillo looks confused but then nods affirmatively.

GRILLO
You got it, chief.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY

Glenn is in bed asleep.

We hear a loud knocking at the front door.

Glenn sits up in bed, groggy from having been woken up. He
reaches over to his bedside table, and picks up an alarm
clock. It's 7 am.

He slams it back down and tries to go back to sleep for a
moment.

The doorbell rings over and over and over again rapidly.

Glenn shoots up out of bed.

GLENN
Give me a break.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - DOORWAY - DAY

Glenn walks towards the door. The bell continues ringing
until he gets a few feet away from the door. He opens the
door and Morgan is standing on his front steps jogging in
place in athletic gear.

MORGAN
Jesus, I didn't think you were
gonna answer!

50.

She walks inside.

GLENN
What are you doing here? It's
seven in the morning.

MORGAN
I was just going for a run and I
saw your car in the driveway. I
knew it was yours because of the
license plate. 567 MAF. Those are
my initials. Morgan Anne Furlong.
I told you.

GLENN
Fate?

MORGAN
Fate.

She walks past Glenn and starts walking towards the kitchen.

GLENN
Won't you come in?

He closes the door.

MORGAN
(from the kitchen)
By the way, I think I broke your
doorbell.

GLENN
Weird how that happens... when you
ring it for six minutes straight.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Glenn walks into the kitchen where Morgan is already in his
fridge.

GLENN
Can I offer you a...

She closes the door and stars drinking the bottle of water
she just took out.

GLENN
Nevermind... So what...

51.

MORGAN
(interrupts)
Hold on.

Morgan has two fingers on her throat, checking her pulse,
and timing it on her watch.

MORGAN
Okay, good pulse. Sorry, what were
you saying?

GLENN
I was gonna ask you why you're
here.

Morgan walks around the kitchen looking at everything,
constantly walking around.

MORGAN
I told you, I was running by and
saw your car. Is that a crime?

GLENN
No... but it's annoying.

MORGAN
This is a nice place you have here
Glenn.

GLENN
Designed it myself.

MORGAN
Did you really?

GLENN
No, I just don't really know how
to take compliments so I say
random things to avoid them.

MORGAN
You're one of the most awkward
people I've ever met Glenn, you
know that?

GLENN
That really means a lot from the
girl who just broke my doorbell
after she stumbled upon my house
at 7 am.

52.

MORGAN
Don't forget the attempted suicide
thing either.

GLENN
Why are you able to joke about
that?

MORGAN
So what do you do? For a living I
mean. This place looks expensive.

GLENN
I, uh, I dabble in a lot of
things.

MORGAN
Like what?

GLENN
Um, finance. Yeah, and I do some
banking occasionally.

MORGAN
There's a lot of money in that?

GLENN
Well... yeah, depending on how you
do it.

MORGAN
Do you have work today?

GLENN
What? No, I, uh, no, not today.

MORGAN
Why not?

GLENN
I don't work right now.

MORGAN
You retired?

GLENN
You could say that I guess. Semi
retirement. I only work when I
have to.

MORGAN
Doing banking?

53.

A beat.

GLENN
Right...

A beat.

MORGAN
Alright well I should probably get
back to my run.

GLENN
You just stopped by to wake me up,
break my doorbell, and then leave?

MORGAN
It's fate Glenn, I can't explain
why it happened.

GLENN
Well I can tell you why it
happened, you slammed my doorbell
400 times and that's just how
doorbells break.

She comically smiles and nods.

MORGAN
(whispers)
Fate.

INT. LIBRARY - DAY

Stu and Floyd are huddled around a computer in a small desk
cubby. There are a few other people in the library.

FLOYD
So what am I typing in?

STU
Um, "how to extort... someone."

Floyd types very slowly using only his index fingers.

FLOYD
"How... to... extort... someone."

He hits the return key.

Their eyes widen with the results.

54.

FLOYD
Wow, there's a lot of shit on this
shit.

He scrolls through the list.

STU
Wait, wait, try that one, dude.

Stu puts his finger on the screen.

Floyd clicks on the link and it opens a new window.

STU
Yeah yeah, "Extortion 101..." by
Stargate69.

FLOYD
I think this is a blog, man.

STU
Well yeah, I mean you're not gonna
find a, uh, a government, um,
website telling you how to extort
people... We gotta go off the grid
for this thing.

FLOYD
Yeah, that's probably true.

He scrolls through the page.

FLOYD
Okay so Stargate69 says that
extortion only works when we can
prove someone did something... And
we have to have... uh...
col-lat-aerial...
Coll-lat-ter-all. Oh, collateral!
Right... Do we have that?

STU
Yeah, man, we have his license.

FLOYD
Right man! Okay so we got step
one. It says step two is to
"request money from the guilty
party in exchange for your
silence."

STU
Then what?

55.

A beat.

FLOYD
That's it, man. It says we tell
him we know he did it and he'll
give us money or else we go to the
cops.

STU
There's only two steps to
extorting someone?

FLOYD
I guess so man.

A beat.

STU
Shit... This shit is easy... We
should do this shit more often,
man... shit.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

Grillo sits at his desk staring nervously at his computer
screen.

Google is up and his wife's name is typed into the search
bar. He moves to click "Enter" several times but keeps
stopping.

GRILLO
Fuck.

Grillo presses "Enter" and begins to scroll through the
results.

A few pages down he clicks a link.

The page opens in a new window and reveals a dating profile
for a woman named Faith Grillo but has no picture.

Grillo's face drops in anger.

He scrolls through her profile and looks at her "About Me"
section. it reads:

"Hey there! Just a cute gurl looking for some fun. I have a
husband at home so I don't want anything serious, but he
hasn't pleased me in years so I AM looking for something
wild, new, and casual ;) Get at me, send me some pics
showing me your stuff, are and maybe we can set something up

56.

if I like what I see! Stay sexy."

Grillo looks around to make sure nobody is watching him.

He scrolls over the "Reply to this user" button and clicks
it.

A new window opens up where Grillo starts typing a message.
It reads as follows:

"Hey there sexy! It seems like we're looking for the same
thing. I'm 35..."

Grillo stops for a moment and backspaces over "35." He
resumes typing again.

"... 25, tall, and built like a linebacker. Maybe we can
meet up sometime and I can show you what I'm packing down
below ;) Get at me baby."

He pauses and rereads what he wrote. He scrolls down further
and there is an option to "Add a Photo." He clicks the
button and a "select file" window shows up.

Grillo opens another window to Google, types something into
the search bar and hits enter. When the results come up he
looks away in horror at the results.

He clicks back to the previous page where he realizes he
only typed "sex guy." He adds a "y" to the end of "sex" and
hits enter once again.

He saves an image of a shirtless guy on the beach who is
built like a Roman statue.

He returns back to the "select file" page and selects the
picture he just saved. It uploads and he sends the entire
message to his wife.

He sits back in his chair, taking great pride in his
actions.

After a moment, his face drops to anger and confusion again.

GRILLO
Why am I proud of that?

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Glenn is sitting on his couch eating a sandwich that has
been overstuffed to the point where turkey is falling out of
both ends.

57.

The TV is on and he is watching The Fast and the Furious.

With the hand not grabbing the turkey sandwich, Glenn is
writing something on the table.

Occasionally he looks up at the TV.

The camera pans down to what he is writing. It is a check
for $35,000 made out to the Boys and Girls Club of America.

He signs the check and takes a huge bite of his sandwich,
making turkey fall all over the place.

INT. STU AND FLOYD’S HOUSE - DAY

Stu and Floyd sit on the couch smoking out of a pipe. Floyd
takes a huge hit and coughs uncontrollably.

FLOYD
What is this shit man?

STU
It's this new shit I got from
Raphael. They take Yellowstone
Groove and cross breed it with
Oriental Trading, creating what is
called the Lumumba Supreme, then
at the same time they cross breed
Moonraker's Alter-Ego with Clark's
Trading Post creating the Devil's
Tripod. Then they cross breed the
Devil's Tripod with the Lumumba
Supreme that I had previously
mentioned, in essence creating a
perfect storm of marijuana that is
affectionately called Harry Pot
Head and the Order of the
Clean-Dicks... and we my friend
are smoking those clean dicks
right now.

A beat.

FLOYD
The number of terms and idioms
that you just used from memory has
literally blown my mind.

STU
My knowledge knows now bounds my
friend.

58.

Stu and Floyd laughs and high five.

STU
Although the Clean-Dicks are
beckoning to me, we have more
pressing issues at hand.

FLOYD
Extortion?

STU
Extortion, my friend... and I
think we need to be clear-headed
for this conversation so if you
wouldn't mind, I think we should
put down the pipe for now.

FLOYD
No doubt.

Floyd places the pipe down on the side table.

STU
Thank you... for... respecting
what I asked of you.

FLOYD
Of course brother.

STU
Okay, so according to that website
we need to let the dude know that
we have some shit on him.

FLOYD
I follow.

STU
So how do we go about informing
the guilty party that we know of
his transgressions?

A beat.

FLOYD
I didn't follow that one.

STU
How do we tell Glenn we know he
robbed a bank?

59.

FLOYD
Oh, gotcha man. I don't know, can
we just tell him?

STU
I don't know if we want him
knowing our true identities yet.

FLOYD
Valid point... What if we call
him?

STU
I think that may be a viable
option.

FLOYD
Wait, dude! We can use that voice
distorter I got on Ebay!

STU
Oh! Shit yeah, man! That was such
an awesome purchase dude, I knew
it would come in handy!

They high five.

FLOYD
We kick ass at this shit, man! Get
the phonebook dude!

Stu grabs a phonebook that was being used to prop up one leg
of their coffee table, sending a few of the objects on the
table flying off as the table goes askew.

STU
All right, Glenn Kloase.
K-L-O-A-S-E.

He flips through the pages of the phonebook and moves his
index finger up and down the pages. Their excitement
decreases as time goes on.

STU
He's unlisted I think.

FLOYD
Well, this certainly is a monkey
wrench in our plan.

STU
I concur.

60.

They both sit back in disappointment.

A beat.

FLOYD
So... Can I pick up the pipe again
now?

STU
Yeah, I think we should do that
for a little... To regroup and
stuff.

Floyd picks up the pipe from the side table.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

Grillo stands outside of the interrogation room with
Simmons.

GRILLO
Who am I going at first?

Simmons looks through a folder.

SIMMONS
Abdrea Heinlen, eighty nine, was
in the bank during the time of the
robbery.

GRILLO
You really can't do these
interviews for me? Old people
never remember anything important.
They'll tell you literally
everything else about what
happened that day, but they don't
remember shit about the actual
question I ask them.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

Grillo sits at a table across from an older woman, ANDREA,
who is probably in her late eighties. He spreads several
papers and pictures on the table in front of him.

61.

GLENN
Okay, Mrs... Heinlen... What can
you tell me about the other day at
the bank?

ANDREA
Oh, I remember it very well, I'll
tell you that.

GRILLO
So just sta...

ANDREA
(interrupts)
How old are you?

GRILLO
Excuse me?

ANDREA
I have a daughter who's probably
about your age. She used to be
quite the singer let me tell you.

GRILLO
Mrs. Heinlen, can we...

ANDREA
(interrupts)
I always told her that she had a
gift for it, but she never
listened, and now...

GRILLO
Mrs. Heinlen?

ANDREA
... wouldn't you know it, she's
stuck in an office building as a
clerical assistant.

GRILLO
Can we please...

ANDREA
(interrupts)
I think I have a picture of in my
purse!

She opens her purse and reaches in. Grillo reaches across
and stops her.

62.

GRILLO
Andrea... We really need to stay
on topic here. I have a lot of
people to interview.

ANDREA
Well, why didn't you say so? How
can I help?

She smiles wide.

GRILLO
So I need you to think as hard as
you can and remember back to the
day at the bank. Can you do that
for me?

ANDREA
Oh, absolutely.

GRILLO
So take me through what happened
when you walked in. Everything you
saw that could be of any help to
us.

ANDREA
Oh, well...

Grillo gets ready to write down her notes.

ANDREA
I have to tell you, I wasn't
pleased with my service at all
that day. I asked my teller for my
check in twenty dollar bills and
wouldn't you know it, she gave me
tens!

Grillo drops his pen in frustration and sits back in his
chair.

ANDREA
You'd think that she'd be able to
understand something that simple!

CUT TO:

63.

INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

Grillo is sitting the same way as he was before but is now
interviewing MUMBLES, a middle aged man in suspenders with a
large beard.

Grillo slides a still photo of Glenn from the security
footage over to Mumbles.

GRILLO
Now, we believe this man is
responsible for the robbery. Do
you recognize this picture of him
from the security footage?

Mumbles speaks for about fifteen seconds straight, saying
inaudible and completely undecipherable words that don't
seem like any recognized language.

A beat. Grillo bites his tongue in confusion.

GRILLO
I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch
that.

Mumbles again speaks for a few seconds saying completely
unintelligible words.

Again Grillo pauses in confusion.

GRILLO
I don't mean to offend you... but
was that English?

Mumbles nods his head and again speaks in gibberish.

MUMBLES
Blanga.

GRILLO
Okay, well thanks for your help.

Mumbles begins rambling again until Grillo interrupts.
Mumbles continues speaking.

GRILLO
(interrupts)
Yeah, I got it, it's right...
here.

Grillo holds up his notepad and points to a bunch of
squiggly marks.

64.

INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

Grillo is again sitting the same way as he was before but is
now interviewing TYRONE, an African American man in his mid
thirties.

GRILLO
So what can you tell me about the
bank?

TYRONE
This shit is real typical right
here.

GRILLO
Excuse me?

TYRONE
Cause I'm black, I did it right?

GRILLO
No, I don't think you
understand...

TYRONE
(interrupts)
Oh, I don't understand? You know
you got some nerve motha fucka.

GRILLO
I...

TYRONE
(interrupts)
No, this is some bullshit up in
here. All I'm doing is sitting at
home watching TV and the police
call me and say I gotta come in
for questioning?

GRILLO
You're not being...

TYRONE
Questioning my black ass! Y'all
brought me in here so you can toss
some cuffs on me and put another
black man into the system. Ya'll
motha fuckas are racist as shit,
you know that?

65.

GRILLO
That's not what's happening right
now!

TYRONE
Don't tell me what the fuck is
happening! I know there's a bunch
of your cracka ass motha fuckas
standing on the other side of that
mirror taking bets on what the
angry black man's gonna do next!

GRILLO
That doesn't even make sense.

TYRONE
No shit, it don't make sense!
You'd think a black man would be
able to go into the bank without
getting accused of robbing the
motha fuckin' place.

GRILLO
Nobody's accusing you...

Tyrone slaps the folders and papers off the table.

TYRONE
(interrupts)
Fuck yourself motha fucka...
Goddamn cracka ass detective
comin' in here tellin' me my shit.

Tyrone crosses his arms and shakes his head in disgust.

GRILLO
Great, you've been very helpful.

TYRONE
I'm filing suit against your
racists asses... Goddamn crackas
trying to put me down.

INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

Grillo is again sitting in the same chair as before and is
going through some files and notes. He looks noticeably
tired and groggy. Across the table is JAMES, an average
looking man in his mid thirties.

66.

GRILLO
Okay... Um, James Patterson. What
can you...

Grillo looks up and makes eye contact with the man sitting
across from him and stops speaking in shock and anger.

Grillo quickly looks down at a still photo from the security
footage and focuses in on the man and woman he had
previously thought were Faith and her lover when he was
reviewing the security footage.

He looks back up at James, realizing that he is the man in
the photo.

He looks down and up several times quickly, his face getting
redder and redder after each cut.

JAMES
Are you okay?

Grillo jumps across the table, lunging at James.

INT. POLICE STATION - HALLWAY - DAY

Simmons and the Chief walk down the hallway towards the
interrogation room.

SIMMONS
We're not getting much so far,
Chief.

CHIEF
Just keep doing all you can and
we'll get the guy.

SIMMONS
The people at the bank didn't give
us shit to work with so hopefully
these interviews get us somewhere.

They walk past the interrogation room window.

Grillo slams James into the window with his fingers up his
nose, pulling back on his nostrils. James screams in pain.

CUT TO:

67.

INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY

Glenn and the chief sit the same as how they did during
their previous encounters.

CHIEF
Okay, this is getting ridiculous,
Alan.

GRILLO
This one... I, yeah, no, I don't
have an excuse for this one...
actually.

CHIEF
You realize I should fire you?

A beat.

GRILLO
I'd really prefer if you didn't...

CHIEF
If he had pressed charges our
entire station could come under
question. Do you have any idea
what kind of shit storm could have
rained down on us if he took this
to court?

GRILLO
I realize and I...

CHIEF
(interrupts)
A big, brown, diarrhea, shit
storm.

GRILLO
I know, and I...

CHIEF
You know why he's not pressing
charges?

A beat.

GRILLO
No?

Chief Rowan opens a notebook on his desk and puts on his
glasses.

68.

CHIEF
Because you told him, and I quote,
that you would "eat his
grandmother's heart" if he did.

The Chief closes the notebook and removes his glasses.

GRILLO
Yeah...

CHIEF
I'm gonna put it simply Alan. You
are on the thinnest ice possible
right now. If a leaf... were to
blow onto this ice it would crack
and make a, uh, a big crashing
noise... I have no other choice...
you're on probation as of right
now.

GRILLO
What does that entail?

CHIEF
I don't even know because I've
never had to do it before...I just
made it up... Just don't fuck up
again. I've threatened you before
but this time it's serious. One
more screw up and you're out...
Are we clear?

GRILLO
Yeah... We're clear. Thank you
Chief.

CHIEF
Alright, get out of here.

Grillo stands up and extends his hand to the Chief's. The
Chief looks at it and refuses.

CHIEF
No... I don't want to touch you
right now because you've upset me
so much... That's how serious this
is...

Grillo takes his hand back and leaves.

69.

INT. VAN - DAY

Stu and Floyd pull up several houses down from Glenn's house
and turn off the engine.

STU
So you know the plan, my brother?

FLOYD
Drop the note, knock on the door,
get rich.

Stu hands Floyd a note that is visibly crumpled up.

STU
Perfectly worded and ready for
action.

FLOYD
Allright, you stay here and be a
lookout.

STU
Lookout for what?

FLOYD
I don't know, man... I thought all
of these caper scenarios had
lookouts.

EXT. GLENN’S HOUSE - DAY

Floyd slowly creeps his way up to Glenn's front door.

He opens the screen door and sticks the note in. He turns
around, accidentally letting the screen door slam shut,
making a huge noise.

The noise startles him and he runs away from the house back
towards the van.

INT. VAN - DAY

Floyd jumps back into his seat, panting heavily.

STU
Nice work man.

FLOYD
Shit, I forgot to knock!

70.

STU
Don't sweat it compadre, I think
the loud slamming sound made by
the screen door took the place of
the aforementioned knocking.

FLOYD
Yeah?

STU
Shit, get down!

Stu points to Glenn's house and they both slouch down in
their seats.

EXT. GLENN’S HOUSE - DAY

Glenn opens his front door and looks around, confused.

He opens the screen door and steps out onto his front
stairs, again surveying the area. He looks down and see's
the crumpled letter that Floyd just left.

Glenn picks up the letter, unfolds it, and reads it.

STU
(narrating)
Dear Glenn Kloase, we know what
you did. Does the Dawes Savings
Bank ring any bells? It should
because while we were eating
pancakes, you were busy robbing
it. Didn't think we'd know about
your plan did you? Well think
again kimosabe, because now we
have begun with the upper hand.
Tomorrow, you will meet us in
McDonald's and provide us with
thirty five thousand dollars in
exchange for our silence. Be there
at noon... The McDonald's on
Arland Street... If you go to the
one on High Street we will not be
there. You have been warned about
our location. We will be sitting
in back eating chicken nuggets. Do
not be tardy. Yours Truly, Mr. X
and The Crow.

Glenn looks up from the note and surveys the area once more,
confused. He walks back inside and closes the door behind
him.

71.

INT. VAN - DAY

Stu and Floyd slide back up in their seats in excitement.

STU
He took the bait!

FLOYD
Shit yeah! I can't believe that
actually worked!

They high five but kind of miss.

STU
Great minds get great things, my
friend... and so do we!

FLOYD
This calls for a celebration.

STU
You thinking what I'm thinking?

FLOYD
We sir, are entitled to some Swiss
Mushroom Melt Burgers.

STU
Like the royalty we are soon to
be.

Stu turns on the van.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY

Morgan sits on the bed wearing a skirt and a bra.

The sheets on the bed are completely messed up and
disheveled.

Morgan picks up a shirt and begins to get dressed as she
speaks to someone else in the bathroom.

MORGAN
I'm really glad you called me this
morning. I've really been having a
rough time lately... I needed
something like this.

72.

A beat.

Morgan turns and looks towards the bathroom door, which is
closed.

MORGAN
I kept debating whether or not to
call you but I know you said we
had to be careful.

The bathroom door opens and Faith walks out.

She walks towards the dresser and fixes her hair in the
mirror. She doesn't seem to be paying much attention to
Morgan.

FAITH
I'm glad you showed up. Things
haven't been perfect at home
lately so I figured we could have
a little fun.

MORGAN
What's wrong?

FAITH
Nothing important.

MORGAN
You know you can always talk to
me?

FAITH
You're not a therapist, I think I
can manage.

A beat.

Morgan looks down, disappointed.

MORGAN
So, I was thinking, maybe you
could come over on Thursday
night... I'll make you dinner?

Faith stops doing her hair and looks at Morgan through the
mirror.

FAITH
I think you know that can't
happen.

73.

She goes back to messing with her hair and putting on
makeup.

MORGAN
Why do you keep doing this?

FAITH
Doing what?

MORGAN
You keep trying to avoid anything
serious.

FAITH
I'm not avoiding it. There's
nothing serious to avoid.

MORGAN
I can't believe you. I can't
believe you're still treating this
like it's nothing.

FAITH
Listen, Morgan, it's not
nothing... but it's not something
either.

MORGAN
This is insane.

Morgan looks like she could cry at any second.

FAITH
What do you expect from me? I'm
married. I have a husband, do you
understand that?

MORGAN
Why do you keep running from
this!?

FAITH
I'm not running from anything! I
know exactly who I am... sometimes
I just like to break away from the
norm.

MORGAN
How long has this been going on
now? Fifteen months? Sixteen? You
think there's nothing to that?

Faith sits on the bed next to Morgan.

74.

FAITH
Listen... You're a great girl...
and I have fun with you, I do,
but... this isn't me.

MORGAN
So this has all just been
frivolity? I've wasted my time
with you?

Faith sighs.

FAITH
I don't... I don't know what else
to say.

Morgan angrily gets up and grabs her purse, heading for the
door. She stops for a moment.

MORGAN
You know... I'm not some fucking
play thing you can just drag along
when you feel like it... Just
because your life's a complete
sham doesn't mean you have to make
mine one too.

Morgan storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

Grillo sits at the bar by himself. There are not many other
people there.

He takes a shot of whiskey and cringes a little.

He motions to the bartender, OWEN, a man in his mid
twenties.

GRILLO
Owen! One more.

OWEN
You're drinking like a champ
tonight. What's with you?

A beat.

GRILLO
You gonna pour it or not?

Owen pauses for a moment and then pours the shot.

75.

GRILLO
Danke.

Grillo takes the shot.

GRILLO
You married Owen?

OWEN
Nah, not yet. Girlfriend though.

GRILLO
And how's that going for you?

OWEN
It's good. It's nothing too
serious right now.

GRILLO
Can I let you in on a little
secret?

Grillo motions Owen to come closer so he can whisper in his
ear.

Owen leans in.

GRILLO
THEY'RE ALL WHORES!

The other patrons look at Grillo.

GRILLO
Oh, come on, don't tell me you're
all here because you're happily
married!

OWEN
You gotta quiet down a little,
man.

GRILLO
Owen, did you know that my wife...
who is supposed to honor me and
obey me in sickness, and in
health... and all that other
horseshit... she has an online
dating profile?

OWEN
Maybe it's from before you guys
met? Or maybe it's just a joke she
has with her friends or something.

76.

GRILLO
Owen, you naive little idiot... no
offense... But women who are
married don't put out ads asking
to get fucked... unless they want
to get fucked.

A beat.

OWEN
Buy you one?

Grillo drunkenly smirks.

GRILLO
Yeah you get what I'm saying,
don't you?

Owen starts pouring the shot but Grillo picks up the glass
mid pour and takes it, leaving Owen to spill a little on the
bar.

GRILLO
Whoopsies!

OWEN
Alright, listen man, I think you
probably had enough. Drinking more
isn't gonna help you right now.

GRILLO
How about one more?

OWEN
I can't do it, man.

GRILLO
How about two more then?

OWEN
How about I call you a cab
instead?

GRILLO
Oh fine.

Owen turns around and walks towards the phone.

As soon as his back is turned, Grillo grabs the bottle of
whiskey and runs out of the bar.

77.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Glenn sits on his couch drinking a glass of wine, rereading
the note Stu and Floyd left him.

His phone rings.

Glenn picks up the phone off a table next to him and answers
it.

GLENN
Yeah, hello?

Morgan cries on the other line for a few moments without
saying anything.

GLENN
Hello? Who is this?

MORGAN
(on the phone)
Hi Glenn.

GLENN
Morgan? What's going on, what's
wrong?

She sniffles.

MORGAN
(on the phone)
I did a stupid thing Glenn.

Glenn sits up, nervous.

GLENN
You're not at the bridge again are
you?

MORGAN
(on the phone)
No, nothing like that. I'm sorry.

GLENN
Jesus, you had my heart pounding.
You can't open a conversation like
that.

MORGAN
(on the phone)
I need help Glenn.

78.

GLENN
What's wrong, what happened?

MORGAN
(on the phone)
Can I come by? I don't want to be
alone right now.

Glenn looks at the note.

GLENN
Um... now's not the best time. I'm
kind of... trying to figure
something out.

MORGAN
(on the phone)
Please Glenn? I haven't done
anything yet but I'm desperate.

GLENN
Desperate?

MORGAN
(on the phone)
My head's spinning the way it was
on the bridge that day... Can I
please come by?

GLENN
Great, now that you've basically
threatened me with suicide, why
not?

MORGAN
(on the phone)
I just really need someone right
now... Weirdly enough your goofy
butt is the only person that I can
think of who might understand me.

A beat.

GLENN
(sarcastically)
You need a ride too?

MORGAN
(on the phone)
I'll be over in a couple minutes.

79.

GLENN
I don't have much to eat but I'll
make something.

MORGAN
(on the phone)
Glenn... Thank you...

A beat.

GLENN
You know you're lucky that I don't
have any other friends?

Morgan laughs.

MORGAN
(on the phone)
I'll be over soon.

GLENN
Yeah, yeah, I'll see you.

INT. PIZZA PLACE - NIGHT

Floyd and Stu sit in a booth at a small take out place with
a large pepperoni pizza in front of them.

STU
So, I had a couple of concerns
about our rendezvous in the
morning.

FLOYD
What were your concerns?

STU
So yesterday, I was doing a little
prep work, you know research if
you will. I was watching The
Departed and you know what I
realized?

FLOYD
What?

STU
I realized one, that Matt Damon
had a much better Boston accent in
Good Will Hunting, and two that
everyone doing things like this
has guns.

80.

FLOYD
So for the drop off... we should
use fake Boston accents and carry
guns?

STU
Well the gun situation was my main
take away for us... The accent
thing was more of a general
observation.

FLOYD
You know, Matt Damon is from
Boston too?

STU
I heard that he had the original
accent and then when he wen't to
Hollywood he had to get rid of it
so he could get more roles.

FLOYD
That must suck to just have to get
rid of something like that... It's
like losing a part of yourself.

STU
Yeah man that's sad... So wait,
should we bring guns or not?

FLOYD
Do we have any?

STU
I don't, do you?

FLOYD
I have, like, airsoft guns?

STU
I don't think those would work...
really.

FLOYD
Actually, I don't even know about
this whole gun thing. I mean you
saw what happens to Matt Damon at
the end.

STU
Yeah, he got shot in the fuckin'
face man.

81.

FLOYD
Brains and shit... splattered
everywhere.

STU
Yeah, I don't wanna get shot in
the face like that... I don't
think we should use guns.

They both pause and then resume eating.

FLOYD
I'm spending all my extortion
money on pizza, man, this shit is
good.

They both laugh and high five.

EXT. GRILLO’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Faith pulls in the driveway, gets out of her car, and walks
up to the front door. The house is in darkness.

INT. GRILLO’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The entire house is pitch black.

Faith enters the living room and flips on the lights,
illuminating the room.

She screams.

Grillo is sitting, rocking back and forth in a chair,
extremely drunk.

GRILLO
Hey there sweetie!

FAITH
Holy shit! Alan, you scared me!

GRILLO
How was your night baby baby?

FAITH
Fine... What the hell were you
doing sitting in the dark?

Grillo stands up.

82.

GRILLO
Seems like we both have a lot of
questions don't we?

FAITH
What are you talking about?

He gets in her face.

GRILLO
Blah, you know what I'm talking
about... This shroud of MYSTERY
that you seem to have around your
head!

FAITH
Oh my God, you smell like you
showered in whiskey.

He backs off and paces around the room.

GRILLO
Well, you know what they say, when
the cat's away... the mice will...
drink their weight in alcohol.

Grillo continues to circle around the room, staring at her,
occasionally bumping into things.

FAITH
You're making me nervous right
now.

GRILLO
Oh, am I? Why is that? Is it
because I'm being vague? Is it
because it seems like I'm hiding
something?

FAITH
You're not making any sense right
now.

GRILLO
Oh, let's just cut the bullshit
okay!? Let's just CUT, THE, BULL,
SHIT!

FAITH
What are you talking about?

83.

GRILLO
What am I talking about? What
could I ever be talking about? Oh,
I don't know, maybe the fact that
YOU'RE FUCKING SOMEONE!

FAITH
What the hell are you talking
about?

GRILLO
Don't even try to pretend like you
don't know what I'm saying. I saw
the internet! I know how to type
in your name and I know what
you're doing behind my back!

FAITH
I'm, I'm not doing anything.

GRILLO
YOU'RE GTTING STUFFED!

Grillo falls back and lands on a small table, breaking it.

Faith begins walking out of the room.

FAITH
I think you need to go to bed
Alan.

GRILLO
I think you need to stop letting
people stuff you!

He gets up and follows her.

INT. GRILLO’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

FAITH
If you don't calm down...

GRILLO
(interrupts)
You'll what!? You'll call the
police? Well guess what? I AM THE
POLICE!

FAITH
Get out right now Alan.

84.

GRILLO
Oh, with the, the uh, the threats.

FAITH
I'm leaving.

GRILLO
Oh, you are? Where are you going,
TO GET STUFFED AGAIN!?

FAITH
Yeah, that's right! I'm getting in
my car, and I'm driving somewhere
to get stuffed!

GRILLO
Only one problem with that baby...
You can't get in your car if I'm
already in the car!

Grillo bolts out of the kitchen in his drunken stupor and
heads towards the front door.

EXT. GRILLO’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Grillo runs out the front door towards Faith's car. He falls
hard on the front yard. He gets up and runs to the car. He
tugs on the door handle but it is locked and it wont open.

Faith slams and locks the door to the house.

Grillo hears the door slam and turns around. He smiles
sarcastically.

GRILLO
So you think you've won don't you!
Poor little Alan Grillo doesn't
have the keys to the car! Well
guess what bitch, I have a spare
set of keys right here!

Alan picks up a small lawn ornament and holds it
triumphantly in the air.

GRILLO
OPEN SESAME!

Alan throws the lawn ornament at the driver's side window.
The glass cracks slightly but doesn't come close to
smashing.

85.

GRILLO
Shit.

INT. COP CAR - NIGHT

A police officer is in his car driving down Alan's street.
From outside we hear some muffled yells and smashing noises.

GRILLO
(from outside)
Smash and burn motha fucka!

The cop car pulls up on Alan who is hooting and using a
pitchfork to try to smash the window to Faith's car.

GRILLO
(from outside)
Prepare for the wrath of Grillo!

EXT. GRILLO’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Grillo continues to stab the windows of the car, laughing
and yelling as he does.

Blue, red, and white police lights flash on him from behind.

Grillo stops smashing the car and yelling, turns around,
squints, and drops the pitchfork. The excitement fades from
his face.

GRILLO
(dejected)
Ohhhhhhh poop.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - DOORWAY - NIGHT

We hear a knock on the front door.

Glenn opens his front door. Morgan is standing on the
doorstep. Her eyes are red and she looks like she's been
crying.

GLENN
You actually knocked this time?

Morgan sniffles.

86.

MORGAN
I tried the doorbell... You
haven't fixed it since the last
time I was here.

GLENN
Well, come on in, I'm sure we can
find something else for you to
break.

She walks in.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Some time has passed.

Glenn and Morgan are both sitting at the table in the middle
of the kitchen with empty plates in front of them.

MORGAN
And then I left the motel...
called you... and here I am.

Glenn's mouth is wide open in disbelief at the story.

GLENN
YOU'RE A LESBIAN!?

MORGAN
Is that really that hard to
believe?

She removes a pack of cigarettes from her pocket.

GLENN
I - No, I just... Wow, you're a
lesbian.

MORGAN
It's really not that earth
shattering. Can I smoke?

GLENN
Yeah, once you leave... I just
never would have pegged you for...
a lesbian.

She puts the cigarettes away.

MORGAN
Why not?

87.

GLENN
I don't know, you just don't seem
the type is all... You don't fit
the profile.

Morgan shoots Glenn an angry look.

MORGAN
What exactly is the type?

Glenn looks nervous.

GLENN
I didn't mean...

MORGAN
(interrupts)
I know exactly what you mean. You
mean that you think all lesbians
are manly and butch and wears
baggy jeans and all that shit,
right!?

GLENN
No, no! I didn't mean that at all!
I - you - I just never - I did't -
oh crap, please - I...

Morgan stops the angry look and bursts out laughing at
Glenn.

MORGAN
You get rattled way too easily.

GLENN
Jesus, you almost gave me a heart
attack!

MORGAN
Oh, come on, that was kind of
funny!

GLENN
You know, you're really starting
to abuse this friendship? You -
you call me with some kind of back
handed suicide threat and then you
show up and I make you a nice
dinner...

MORGAN
(interrupts)
It was a Lean Cuisine!

88.

GLENN
So it was delicious AND healthy!
It doesn't matter, just don't play
games with me!

MORGAN
I'm sorry!

She gradually stops laughing.

MORGAN
You wanna know the messed up
thing?

GLENN
Besides the fact that you almost
just gave me a stroke?

MORGAN
Besides that... I've only known
you for a couple days... and I'm
happier around you than I am with
anyone else.

GLENN
Yeah?

A beat.

She smiles and nods.

MORGAN
Yeah.

GLENN
Well... I don't know, that's
really too bad for you then.

MORGAN
Shut up.

They both laugh.

A beat.

GLENN
So you're really a lesbian.

MORGAN
Hundred percent.

89.

GLENN
You know that actually makes me
really happy?

MORGAN
Yeah?

GLENN
Yeah, I mean, I've never really
had a platonic female friend. I -
I mean I've had friends that were
girls but they always either
always thought that I was too
goofy or they though that my
goofiness was some kind of awkward
pick up attempt or something.

MORGAN
Yeah, see I have no interest in
men at all so I never even thought
that you'd be hitting on me.

GLENN
Well good because you're not my
type anyways.

MORGAN
Oh yeah, why not?

GLENN
Besides that fact that you're a
lesbian?

MORGAN
Yeah, besides that.

GLENN
Well... You're absolutely insane.

MORGAN
I hate the fact that I like you.

GLENN
Yeah, I thought so.

Glenn walks out of the room.

MORGAN
Where are you going?

GLENN
(from another room)
To the bathroom!

90.

MORGAN
Fine!

Morgan stands up and looks around the kitchen. After a few
moments she sets her sights on a cookie jar.

She callously walks over and opens it, surprised by it's
contents.

She looks inside and removes a folded piece of paper. She
unfolds it and begins to read.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - BATHROOM - NIGHT

Glenn turns off the sink and wipes his wet hands on a towel.
He exits the bathroom and walks back towards the kitchen.

INT. GLENN’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Glen walks in.

GLENN
You know this whole...

He stops dead in his tracks when he sees Morgan with the
note. She looks stunned.

GLENN
Where did you get that?

MORGAN
Cookie jar.

GLENN
Why did you go in my cookie jar?

A beat.

MORGAN
I like cookies...

GLENN
That whole... note. That's just a
joke some of my friends are
playing on me.

MORGAN
I thought you don't have any
friends.

91.

GLENN
I lied, I have two friends... Mr.
X and... uh...

MORGAN
The Crow.

GLENN
Yeah... yeah, the Crow.

MORGAN
I can't believe that was you!

GLENN
Morgan it wasn't. This - this is
all just a big joke, I'm just a
regular guy! I don't rob banks!

Morgan paces around, excited.

MORGAN
It makes so much sense! That's why
you have money and that's why you
don't work and that's why you
don't tell me anything about
yourself! Ah, this is so cool!
You're a bank robber!

GLENN
No please don't believe that, I
don't rob banks - you think it's
cool?

MORGAN
Yes! That is so bad ass!

GLENN
I'm sorry... if I'm not quite
following what you're saying.

MORGAN
I saw all the news reports about
this thing! You just walked in and
walked out, nobody got hurt or
anything. I was so impressed, I
knew it wasn't a bad guy that
robbed that bank!

GLENN
I'm so confused right now it's not
even funny.

92.

MORGAN
Look... I don't expect you to
understand this... but my entire
life I've been surrounding myself
with bad people. Not murderers or
rapists or anything... but people
who have a very questionable set
of ethics. You... you're just a
regular guy... who happens to rob
banks. You may break the law...
but you're not a bad guy. It's not
like you're mugging people on the
streets... or stealing out of
someones pocket right?

GLENN
Right?

MORGAN
I know it's not... "right" in the
traditional sense but I mean...
you're just different. You don't
hurt people... After the shit I
went through tonight I think there
are a million greater evils than
someone like you.

A beat.

Glenn looks mesmerized.

GLENN
Okay, I think you just sold me on
fate.

INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY

The next morning.

Grillo sits across the from the Chief for a while in
silence.

Grillo looks awful, hungover, sad, and an all around mess.

Chief Rowan looks almost emotionless.

CHIEF
What did I tell you Alan?

GRILLO
Let me explain, please.

93.

CHIEF
I've had enough of these excuses.
I'm just too worn out for any more
this.

GRILLO
I was drunk... Chief, my wife's
having an affair.

CHIEF
I'm sorry to hear that... I really
am... but be that as it may you
went to far this time.

GRILLO
I know that, I do. I just snapped.
I lost it and I just lashed out.

CHIEF
Yes, I read the report. I'd say
you definitely did lash out...
When they found you you were
stabbing a car with a pitchfork...
like an angry villager or
something.

GRILLO
I'm sorry Chief.

CHIEF
Not this time... This time you can
stuff your sorries in a sack.

GRILLO
Yeah...

CHIEF
Clean out your desk Alan.

Grillo's face drops.

GRILLO
Wh - Chief...

CHIEF
You haven't left me any other
choices. I've given you chance
after chance after chance and you
keep fucking up! You got arrested
last night! For destroying a car
with a medieval farming tool! I
can't let that go. It'll be a PR
nightmare if I keep you on.

94.

GRILLO
Can't - can't we just brush it
under the rug? Just pretend it
didn't happen?

CHIEF
You know, that might've been a
possibility if you didn't do it in
the middle of a residential area.
One of your neighbors took a video
and uploaded it to Youtube. You're
a meme now... you can search it if
you want to.

GRILLO
No, no, we can't do this. I need
this job, please I'll never screw
up again. I, I'll get help? I'll
fix everything I promise.

A beat.

The Chief sighs and shakes his head.

CHIEF
I'm sorry... but the decisions
already been made. You're too much
of a liability. You're not acting
like a cop anymore.

Alan sits in disbelief.

CHIEF
I'm not making this public to
anyone else in the department yet.
All you're gonna do is quietly
clean out your desk and leave the
precinct. Tomorrow morning you
just wont come in. We'll tell
people you resigned for...
personal reasons.

A beat.

Alan looks off into the distance.

GRILLO
I'm sorry Alan but that's the best
I can do.

95.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

Alan sits down at his desk, still in disbelief.

He spaces out for a few seconds before Simmons approaches.
Simmons looks excited.

SIMMONS
We finally have a lead in the bank
case!

Grillo doesn't look up, still spacing out.

SIMMONS
Yo! You hear what I said?

Grillo jumps and looks up.

GRILLO
What?

SIMMONS
You look like shit man. You
alright?

GRILLO
Yeah... Yeah, sorry, what were you
saying?

SIMMONS
We finally got a lead in the bank
case. Looks like the guy who
robbed the place didn't actually
have a bomb on him. It was just
road flares that were strapped
together with duct tape. We found
it in a back alley.

GRILLO
Great... that's great.

SIMMONS
We're gonna contact some local
places and find out if anybody
bought flares recently. Not much
but it's something right?

GRILLO
Yeah.

96.

SIMMONS
You sure you're alright man? You
look like you just got hit by a
bus or something.

GRILLO
Yeah, no, I'm good. Let me know
what happens with the uh... the
flares.

SIMMONS
Get some sleep man, alright?

GRILLO
Yeah... yeah sleep is a good idea.

INT. MCDONALD’S - DAY

Glenn enters and walks to the seating area. He stops and
looks around.

With the exception of one or two families, the restaurant is
pretty much empty.

Stu and Floyd sit in a booth in the back of McDonald's. They
have a bunch of crumpled up wrappers and napkins in front of
them.

Glenn notices them and Stu makes an awkward nod, beckoning
him to join them.

Glenn slightly shakes his head to himself and walks over to
their booth.

GLENN
Are you Mr. X and The Crow?

FLOYD
No, man, my name's Floyd and...

Stu speaks slower and in a deeper voice than usual.

            STU
      (to Floyd)
Dude, shut up!
      (To Glenn)
Yes... We are them.

GLENN
Of course you are.

Glenn sits down.

97.

STU
So... We meet again, Glenn Kloase.

GLENN
Why are you talking like that?

STU
Whatever do you mean, Glenn
Kloase? This is how my voice
always sounds.

GLENN
(to Floyd)
What about you Floyd, are you
gonna use a fake voice too?

            FLOYD
      (quietly to Stu)
How does he know my name?
      (to Glenn)
How do you know my name?

GLENN
You just told me... When I first
came in.

FLOYD
(whispers to Floyd)
Dude, I think he's onto us.

STU
Let's just stay on task for right
now, Glenn Kloase.

GLENN
Perfect, let's do that.

STU
Now, in our letter we came to an
agreement on the terms of this
deal.

GLENN
No actually you seem to be
mistaken about whatever agreement
you think we made.

STU
We stated that you would pay us a
monetary sum in exchange for our
silence.

98.

GLENN
Yeah, I'm aware of that, I read
your letter... It was very poorly
worded by the way. You might want
to proofread next time.

STU
If you read our letter then surely
you know our terms and you have
complied.

GLENN
(to Stu)
Can I ask you something Mr. X?

FLOYD
I'M Mr. X.

GLENN
What?

STU
He's Mr. X, I'm The Crow.

GLENN
My apologies, it wont happen
again. But like I was saying, I
have a real question for you guys.

STU
Ask away, Glenn Kloase.

GLENN
Why would I ever give you any
money?

Stu and Floyd look at each other and then back at Glenn.

STU
Well... As we stated in our
original terms...

GLENN
(interrupts)
Yeah, yeah, I read your letter I
know what you requested of me, but
why would I actually pay you?

FLOYD
Because we know you robbed the
bank, dick!

99.

            STU
      (to Floyd)
Calm down, Mr. X, calm down.
      (to Glenn)
Because, Mr. Glenn Kloase... we
know what you did... and we have
proof.

GLENN
Oh you have proof?

STU
As sure as the sun will... rise,
we have the proof.

GLENN
What's your proof? If I may ask.

STU
Show him Mr. X.

Floyd removes Glenn's license from his pocket.

FLOYD
Look familiar?

GLENN
Of course it does, it's my
license.

STU
So now you know that we are
serious.

A beat.

Glenn looks confused.

GLENN
So you stole my license and
somehow you think that proves that
I robbed a bank? I'm honestly
confused, do you have anything
else or is that it?

Stu and FLoyd get flustered.

STU
We... acquired this identification
prior to your heist.

100.

GLENN
Okay so you stole it before the
bank robbery, what does that
prove? You haven't tied me to
anything yet.

Stu and Floyd exchange a few nervous glances.

STU
We know what you did... Glenn
Kloase. And we will go to the
authorities if...

FLOYD
(interrupts)
Just give us the money, man.

GLENN
No.

FLOYD
No?

GLENN
Nope, definitely not. I have
absolutely no reason to do that.

Glenn chuckles.

STU
Okay, okay wait a minute...

A beat.

STU
How about ten thousand dollars?