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Field Staff
by David Nelson (d.nelson.10@hotmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED

A rookie insurance adjuster battles chaos and corruption when he is accidentally promoted to the field staff.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

EXT. FOUR SEASONS HOTEL - NIGHT
                                                            
Light rain falls on a line of cars waiting to valet park at
the main entrance.

JACK ROGERS, mid 50's, checks himself out in his rear view
mirror. He flashes a dazzling white SMILE, picks out a piece
of lettuce, then smooths down his rather tall salt and
pepper hairdo.

After taking a ticket from the valet, Jack saunters through
the front doors.
                                                            
 
INT. FOUR SEASON BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Jack sits at the bar checking out the scene. He spots a
50'ish WOMAN stuffed into a tight white pantsuit. He winks
at her and flashes his blinding teeth. The woman grins back
and strolls over.
                                                            
                       JACK
Well hello there. Are you Angel?
                                                            
                       BAR WOMAN
      (flirty)
I wish I was.
                                                            
Jack flashes the teeth again, then takes a large comb out of
his suit jacket and runs it through his giant hair.
                                                            
                       JACK
Maybe we can work something out
after my little meeting here. An
hour?
                                                            
                       BAR WOMAN
I'll try and stick around, Farmer.
                                                            
                       JACK
Uh, Farmer?
                                                            
The woman nods towards Jack's unzipped FLY.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (big grin)
Oops, almost let Trigger out of
the barn.
                                                            

2.

                       BAR WOMAN
See you later, cowboy.
                                                            
Jack watches the woman's ASS swing as she leaves the bar.
While he stares, BUTCH KNICKS appears next to him. KNICKS,
big, bald, strains the seams of his suit.
                                                            
                       BUTCH
You Rogers?
                                                            
Jack, startled, turns to face the giant.
                                                            
                       JACK
Yeah.
                                                            
                       BUTCH
Follow me.
                                                            
                       JACK
You with Merlino?
                                                            
                       BUTCH
Come on, bring your drink.
                                                            
                       JACK
Drink?
                                                            
Jack and Butch both eye a massive DRINK being set down by
the bartender overflowing with flowers, umbrellas, fruit and
a straw. Jack is clearly embarrassed by the thing.
                                                            
                       JACK
Oh, right.
                                                            
 
INT. FOUR SEASONS HALLWAY - NIGHT
                                                            
Butch leads Jack down a long hotel hallway. Butch carries
Jack's drink while Jack squirts breath spray in his mouth.
They arrive at room 69.
                                                            
                       JACK
69, nice!
                                                            
Butch stares at Jack.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (nervous)
How do I look? OK?
                                                            
Butch furrows his brow, not sure what to make of Jack.
                                                            

3.

                       JACK
And I didn't think this job could
get any better.
      (looks at Butch)
Drink, my over sized friend!
                                                            
Butch hands Jack the obnoxious drink, then turns and walks
away. Jack adjusts his suit, takes deep a breath and knocks
on the door.

After a moment, a young Asian woman in a see through robe
answers.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (whispering)
Lordy, lordy, God HAS blessed me
with an angel.
                                                            
The woman smiles as Jack walks in the room. After glancing
both ways down the hall, she puts the "Do Not Disturb" SIGN
on the handle and shuts the door.
                                                            
 
INT. ROOM 69 - NIGHT
                                                            
Light from the bathroom spills out into the otherwise dark
hotel room.

The Asian woman sits straddled on top of Jack on the bed
running her hands through his massive black chest hair.

Jack opens her robe revealing a set of over-sized breasts.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (grouping her
       breasts)
Made in China!
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
      (Asian accent)
You like?
                                                            
                       JACK
I like, I like!
                                                            
The woman sees Jack's ROLEX.
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
That's a nice watch, Mr.
                                                            
                       JACK
Nothing but the best!
                                                            

4.

She eyes the IPHONE on the table.
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
Nice phone, too.
                                                            
                       JACK
Why deny yourself.
                                                            
The woman slides down and starts unzipping Jack's pants.
                                                            
                       JACK
Woo hoo, Trigger is ready for a
ride!
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
You spent your money pretty big,
mister.
                                                            
                       JACK
Business is good.
                                                            
The woman pulls off Jack's pants to reveal his white briefs.
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
      (no accent now)
Classic whites?
                                                            
                       JACK
Oh yeah, since kindergarten!
                                                            
The woman suddenly stands up and ties her robe.
                                                            
                       JACK
Hey, hey, we were just getting
going here!
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
      (accent back)
I need to run to the little girls
room. You get ready for big fun,
OK?
                                                            
                       JACK
Oh, oh yeah. OK. Big fun, big fun!
Hurry now!
                                                            
After the woman goes to the bathroom, Jack leaps off the
bed, throws the covers back, climbs in, covers up and tosses
off his tightie whities.
                                                            
                       JACK
Don't take too long, I don't want
my rocket to flare out!
                                                            

5.

The DOOR to the bathroom opens and the light goes out. The
silhouette of the woman walks over next to the bed.
                                                            
                       JACK
Oh, darkness, extra kinky!
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
      (American accent)
Jack Rogers, you have violated the
terms of our agreement.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (startled)
What the hell?
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
You had to flash the money didn't
you. You couldn't just go with the
program.
                                                            
Jack, scared, tries to grab his underwear at the end of the
bed.
                                                            
                       JACK
This is not what I was promised,
by some very important people.
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
Those people sent me here tonight.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (scared)
What the fuck for?
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
To close a file.
                                                            
Silenced gun shots flash the room outlining the woman now
dressed in all black. Two head WOUNDS appear on Jack's
forehead.

The woman stares at Jack for a moment,then puts his stained
underwear over his head. Satisfied, she picks up the hotel
phone.
                                                            
                       FRONT DESK (OS)
Front Desk, can I help you?
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
      (on the phone)
This is Mrs. Dickerson in room 69.
I think I saw a rat in my bed.
Could you send housekeeping up
            (MORE)

6.

                       ASIAN ASSASSIN (cont'd)
please.
                                                            
                       FRONT DESK (OS)
Of course, right away, ma'am.
                                                            
                       ASIAN ASSASSIN
      (on the phone)
Thank you.
                                                            
The woman takes one more look at Jack, then turns and leaves
the room.
                                                            
 
EXT. FOUR SEASONS - NIGHT
                                                            
As the assassin, bar woman and Butch walk away from the
hotel, police cars with sirens BLARING race by. All three
share SMILES as they pick up the pace.
                                                            
 
INT. STUDIO APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
FEET stick out from the covers of a double bed. Next to the
bed is a clock radio with a car on top. The radio clicks on
along with the car's headlights.
                                                            
                       RADIO
      (announcer)
Good morning Seattle, it's a
beautiful fall day. Today's word
for the day is Service! So lets
get out there and help someone!
Before jumping in, remember to
think about that someone special,
that someone that will make your
day a little brighter.
                                                            
As the radio continues to give encouragement and advice,
LANE JETTE sits up in bed. Lane, late 20's, light brown hair
and thin, puts his hair perfectly back in place with a sweep
of his hand.
                                                            
                       RADIO
      (announcer)
Looks like old sol is going to be
with us for the next few days, so
keep that sweater in the closet
for just a while longer!
                                                            
Wearing perfectly creased white boxers, Lane walks over and
opens his closet doors. Inside to the left are shelves with
neatly folded sweaters over perfectly lined up SHOES.

7.


Lane smiles as he hears the radio and looks over to the
right where several matching white and blue short sleeve
dress shirts hang at attention.

After a moments contemplation, he selects one of the white
shirts. Scanning the rest of the contents, he grabs a pair
of blue pants, black shiny shoes, a folded tee shirt, socks
and underwear.
                                                            
STUDIO KITCHEN
                                                            
                       RADIO
      (announcer)
As promised all last week, show up
at any city transfer drop off
today and get a free 100% recycled
his and hers bath set!
                                                            
Lane sits at his little fifties era chrome table eating half
a grapefruit while he reviews a Christian Science Monitor
newspaper.

He finishes his meal, throws the rind in the trash and heads
out the door, past two framed certificates hanging on the
wall. One for "Eagle Scout of the Year 1997" and the other
for "Greater Seattle Ethics Champion 2011."
                                                            
 
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
Lane stands on the street curb checking his watch and
looking down the street. After a moment, a large black
pickup truck pulls up in a cloud of exhaust.

The truck has mud and dirt everywhere. Loud music blares
from inside the cab. Lane sighs and opens to the door to
greet ROB CIARELLI.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (looking down)
Morning, Lane!
                                                            
Ciarelli, early 30's, five o'clock shadow and chubby, grins
out at Lane. His chin is covered with red sauce from the
breakfast burrito in his hand.

The interior of the truck is just as dirty as the outside. A
basset hound takes up the middle of the seat.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (weary)
Morning, Rob.
                                                            

8.

Lane reluctantly climbs into the truck. He pushes the DOG
over a bit to make room. The SEAT covered with door HAIR.

As he sits, Lane's FEET rest on a stack of Penthouse
magazines next to a roll of toilet paper on the passenger
seat floor.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (looking at his
       feet)
Jesus, Rob!
                                                            
                       ROB
Oops, just a little reading
material during the slow times.
You know how it is, buddy.
                                                            
Rob slaps Lane on the knee as he pulls the truck out into
traffic. The DOG shuffles a bit then rests his head on
Lane's lap, his long tongue hanging on Lane's crotch.

Lane frowns, but leaves the dog in place.
                                                            
 
INT. ROB'S TRUCK - DAY
                                                            
Lane turns down the Wang Chung song blaring from the truck
stereo while Rob eats his burrito. He also lets the dog take
a couple bites.
                                                            
                       ROB
What the hell, Lane!
                                                            
                       LANE
I'm trying not to go deaf before
I'm 30, Rob!
                                                            
                       ROB
That's Jack Hue's solo! Johnson
loves it!
                                                            
Rob pets the dog's head, which pushes down further into
Lane's crotch. Lane squirms as Johnson groans.
                                                            
                       LANE
Why did you name him Johnson
again?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (sucking down a
       Slurpee)
What can I say? I love petting
Johnson every day!
                                                            

9.

Both men chuckle as the truck continues down the busy
Seattle street.
                                                            
 
EXT. WHEATLAND PROPERTY AND CASUALTY BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
Rob parks his truck in a space reserved for "Field Staff."
Both men get out and start walking towards the front doors
of the two story building.

As Lane pats his hair into place, Rob struggles to pull his
pants up and tuck in his shirt. His stained TIE hangs
loosely from his unbutton shirt.
                                                            
                       ROB
Been looking into that all meat
weight control system, you know,
the one approved by NASA.
                                                            
                       LANE
All meat, huh?
                                                            
As they walk in, Rob drops the last piece of his breakfast
burrito. He bends over to pick it up, revealing a little too
much of his white underwear and back side.
                                                            
                       ROB
Oh yeah, high protein, low carbs.
I think this is the one that's
gonna get me over this little
hump.
                                                            
Rob stands back up, blows on the remains of his food and
throws the last piece in his mouth.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (trailing Rob into
       the building)
It's definitely working, buddy.
                                                            
 
INT. WHEATLAND PROPERTY AND CASUALTY BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
The two men walk into a large open office area. A sign on
the wall reads "Claims Department." Dozens of cubicles cover
the floor space to a back wall lined with offices. Each
office has a window that looks back onto the floor.

Several staffers are gathered in front of the office in the
far right corner of the room.

DORIS MYERS, late 60's, tight gray bun, sits at a large well
organized desk next to the entrance. Lane and Rob both stop

10.

next to Doris' desk when they see the group in the back of
the office.
                                                            
                       LANE
Doris, what's up back at Jack's
office?
                                                            
Doris give both men disapproving looks, especially Rob, who
is trying to knot up his tie.
                                                            
                       DORIS
I'm sure I don't know.
                                                            
                       ROB
Come on honey, spill. You know
every time somebody farts in this
office.
                                                            
                       DORIS
      (shocked)
Why, I never!
                                                            
                       ROB
Well maybe you should.
                                                            
Rob starts to walk away with Lane in tow towards the group.
Lane whispers back to Doris.
                                                            
                       ROB
Sorry, D.
                                                            
Doris straightens her jacket, pats the bun, then picks up a
RINGING phone.
                                                            
JACK'S OFFICE
                                                            
Lane and Rob approach the crowd. Standing on her toes trying
to see in office is the very hot and not so smart AMBER
KNIGHT. Amber, early 20's, with long blond hair and an amble
chest, looks back as the two men approach. She smiles at
Lane and frowns at Rob.
                                                            
                       AMBER
Hi Lane.
                                                            
                       LANE
What's going on?
                                                            
Amber looks around, then lowers her voice.
                                                            
                       AMBER
Somethings happened to Jack
Rogers, something big!
                                                            

11.

                       LANE
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       AMBER
The police showed up this morning
and sealed his office. A detective
is in there now with Rich Arnold
and Gavin Blake.
                                                            
                       ROB
The office manager and field staff
supervisor?
                                                            
Amber ignores Rob and keeps her focus on Lane.
                                                            
                       AMBER
They have been in there over an
hour!
                                                            
After Amber turns back and tries to see in Jack's office,
Rob stares at her chest pushing in and out from her rapid
breathing. Lane notices Rob and smacks him on the ear.
                                                            
                       ROB
What the fuck!
                                                            
The entire crowd turns and looks at Rob, pauses, then looks
back at the office. Lane grins.
                                                            
                       LANE
Good one, buddy.
                                                            
The two men stare at each other until Jack's door opens and
RICH ARNOLD, late 50's, black, bald, and GAVIN BLAKE, early
60's, tall, hunched, hooded eyes, both exit.

Gavin cuts through the crowd and leaves while Rich clears
his throat for attention.
                                                            
                       RICH
Good morning everyone. Obviously
this is not a normal day here at
Wheatland. There will be more
information later on what is
happening. In 30 minutes, I need
to see all the office claims staff
in the conference room. Now
please, go back to your desks and
carry on. I will see some of you
shortly.
                                                            
ROB AND LANE'S DESK
                                                            

12.

Rob and Lane sit facing each other from their respective
desks. Lane's desk is spotless. His outbox has a couple
files in it and his in-box is empty. A coffee cup on a
coaster and a framed PICTURE of his mother complete the
layout.

Rob's desk is the complete opposite. He has a box of half
eaten powdered donuts, a stack of newspapers and magazines,
several power drink and diet drink cans and a magic eight
ball spread over his desk.

Next to his computer monitor is a signed PHOTO of Wang
Chung. Both Rob and Lane have headsets on. Lane's phone
RINGS.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (answers the phone)
Good Morning, Lane Jette, how can
I help you?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on his phone)
So what do you think is up?
                                                            
Lane looks up at Rob. Rob has powdered sugar around his
mouth and a little on the tip of his nose.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (whispers, on the
       phone)
Hard to tell. You always hear the
rumors about the field staff.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
I don't buy that crap. Those guys
are salt of the earth, good family
men.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Since when do you know so much
about them?
                                                            
Lane looks up as Rob works to rub a stain off his tie.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
Oh, been hanging with some of the
boys.
                                                            

13.

                       LANE
      (on the phone)
The boys?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
Yeah, a little hunting, a little
drinking, a little skirting, you
know, hanging.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Wonderful.
                                                            
Lane's computer SCREEN shows a new email has arrived. He
clicks on IN-BOX which shows only one message.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Oh, gotta go, a lot of work here.
                                                            
Lane punches the disconnect button on his phone to read his
new email. Rob takes his headphones off and clicks his
In-box BUTTON.

A warning MESSAGE appears on his monitor "Memory full. Inbox
exceeds 750 messages, Please delete unneeded messages."

Lane looks both ways, then clicks the ICON for "Delete All".
The list of messages disappears. Rob grins, then starts
gathering up his newspaper, over-sized coffee MUG, DONUTS,
sports magazines and an IPOD.

Lane notices Rob's production.
                                                            
                       LANE
Where are you going? We have that
all hands meeting in 5 minutes.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (arms full)
Just a quick stop in the men's
room, 2 minutes!
                                                            
Rob hustles away leaving Lane shaking his head.
                                                            
RESTROOMS
                                                            
When Rob gets to the rest rooms, he finds a cone holding the
men's room door open with another one right inside the door.
He pushes in to find an ancient Asian woman mopping the
floor.


14.

He looks around in a panic, turns to leave, then eyes the
cone inside the door. He grabs the cone under his arm, picks
it up and leave the room.

Looking both ways, he cautiously opens the woman's room
door, looks inside, places the cone between the door jam and
door and goes in.
                                                            
 
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Lane follows several other staffers into a large conference
room. Rich sits at the head of the table, arranging some
papers. As everyone takes their seats, Rich looks around the
room.
                                                            
                       RICH
Where's Rob?
                                                            
Everyone looks around the room, then settles their gazes on
Lane.
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, I think I saw him heading
toward the men's room. Be right
back.
                                                            
Lane gets up and leaves the room as Rich frowns.
                                                            
 
INT. WOMEN'S RESTROOM - DAY
                                                            
Rob sits in a short back chair reading his paper. Behind the
chair is a handsome young blond haired male masseuse rubbing
his shoulders.

Next the chair on the sink counter are several lit candles
and a platter of donuts. A towel attendant waits next to the
sink. A large T.V. built into the wall runs the Oprah show.
                                                            
                       ROB
I can't believe the set up in
here. No wonder there's always a
line to get in. Christ, we're
lucky to get enough toilet paper
to do a proper job.
                                                            
Outside the rest rooms, Lane approaches and see both rooms
with cones holding the doors open. He puts his head in the
men's room.
                                                            

15.

                       LANE
Rob? Rob! Come on, everyone is
waiting, hurry up!
                                                            
Lane hears Rob LAUGH. He looks towards the women's room,
goes over and stands in front of the door.
                                                            
                       LANE
Rob? Are you in there? Rob?
                                                            
Rob suddenly bursts out of the room with tissue stuck on his
collar. He pushes past Lane, almost knocking him over.
                                                            
                       ROB
Let's go, buddy, got a meeting to
get to.
                                                            
Lane rolls his eyes and follows Rob down the hall.
                                                            
 
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Rob sits next to Amber at the crowded conference table. Rich
clears his throat to address the group.
                                                            
                       RICH
Thank you for all getting here
more or less on time.
      (casts a look
       toward Rob)
Now down to business.
                                                            
Rob raises his hand.
                                                            
                       ROB
Will there be any treats or
healthy snacks for this meeting?
                                                            
Lane kicks Rob's FOOT under the table.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (loud)
What did I say?
                                                            
                       RICH
No Rob. Come on people, we need to
get to business. So, obviously
everyone saw the commotion in Jack
Rogers office this morning.
                                                            
                       AMBER
Yes, yes!
                                                            

16.

Everyone looks over at Amber. Rob's EYES focus on her
panting CHEST. She has missed a button and a little too much
cleavage peeks out. After a beat, all eyes are back on Rich.
                                                            
                       RICH
Unfortunately I am the bearer of
bad news. Jack Rogers was found
dead, murdered, at the Four
Seasons Hotel yesterday evening.
                                                            
Immediately the room erupts in chaos, people yell at each
other, Rob tries to hug a crying Amber. Through all the
commotion, Lane continues to makes notes in a leather
binder. Rich tries to bring order back to the room.
                                                            
                       RICH
Please, please, everyone! Please,
we need to focus on the task at
hand.
      (looks around the
       room)
OK. Thank you. As upsetting as
this is, we need to focus on our
customers.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (under his breath)
Right.
                                                            
                       RICH
What was that?
                                                            
                       ROB
Nothing.
                                                            
                       RICH
As you know, Jack was a senior
member of the field staff. Well,
now there is an opening that we
really weren't ready for. For
those of you who have been here a
while, you know there hasn't been
an open spot on the field staff
for at least 10 years. These are
very sought after positions.
                                                            
Lane and Rob both sit up waiting for the job announcement.
                                                            
                       RICH
After meeting with Gavin Blake, we
have decided, after much debate,
to promote from the inside claims
staff for this position.
                                                            

17.

Both Rob and Lane grin while nodding their HEADS.
                                                            
                       RICH
So, if any of you would like
interview for this position,
please come see me today. The
sooner the better. Alright, that's
it for now. Funeral information
will be forthcoming. Let's get
back to it. Thank you, everyone.
                                                            
The group all stand and start to leave. Amber rushes over to
Lane.
                                                            
                       AMBER
      (excited)
Are you going to interview for the
field staff job?
                                                            
                       LANE
Maybe.
                                                            
                       AMBER
You have got to be the most
qualified. No one here has your
experience and organizational
skills!
                                                            
Rob eases in between Lane and Amber and puts his arms around
both of them.
                                                            
                       ROB
I think you should go for it,
Amber. The field staff could use
some young blood.
                                                            
Amber stops and stares at Rob. Lane also stops and turns to
look at him.
                                                            
                       AMBER
Do you really think I could do it
Rob? I mean, well, I am pretty
good with people, you know, one on
one when I meet them. People do
tend to warm to me. Oh, this is so
exciting! What do you think, Lane?
I don't want to get in your way.
                                                            
Lane gives Rob a long stare, then looks back to Amber.
                                                            
                       LANE
I think if any of us want to
advance our claims adjuster
careers, the field staff job would
            (MORE)

18.

                       LANE (cont'd)
be an excellent place to do so.
I've got to get back to my desk, I
got a new theft loss I have to get
to. You coming, Rob?
                                                            
                       ROB
Uh, ya sure, I'll be right there.
                                                            
Lane looks at his watch and heads out of the conference
room. Amber and Rob are the only people remaining. Rob leans
against the open door eying Amber.
                                                            
                       ROB
You know Amber, there's no reason
you shouldn't get a shot at that
job. If you want, I can put in a
word for you with Gavin.
                                                            
                       AMBER
Oh could you, Rob. I would love to
be in the field and out of my
cubical!
                                                            
                       ROB
We can talk about it at lunch if
you want to.
                                                            
                       AMBER
      (hesitates)
Uh, let me get back to you on that
one, Rob. I gotta get back to
work. Thanks for the words of
encouragement.
                                                            
Amber eases past Rob out of the conference room. Rob grins
and follows her back to the claims floor.
                                                            
 
INT. RICH ARNOLD'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Rich sits at a cluttered desk rubbing his head. Gavin stands
looking out the window with his back to Rich.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
I don't like it, Rich, I don't
like it at all!
                                                            
                       RICH
This is my decision, Gavin. I
appreciate the input, but
promoting from within is the right
thing to do.
                                                            

19.

Gavin turns from the window and gives Rich a hard stare.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
None of those kids have a fucking
clue what we do in the real world.
This isn't stolen T.V.s and blown
down fences. I need someone to hit
the ground running!
                                                            
Rich stands up and gets nose to nose with Gavin.
                                                            
                       RICH
Then I guess you better be ready
to train them up, cause this is
the way it's gonna be, got it!
                                                            
Both men stare at each of a moment, then Gavin turns to open
the door.
                                                            
                       RICH
Interviews start this afternoon,
Gavin. I expect you see you here!
                                                            
After hesitating a moment, Gavin throws the door open and
marches across the office, leaving out the entrance by
Doris. As he walks by, he whispers to her.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
No calls, D, I'll be back soon.
                                                            
 
INT. CLAIMS FLOOR - DAY
                                                            
Lane sits at his spotless desk talking into his headset. At
the same time, Rob leans back in his chair, staring at the
ceiling while talking on his headset.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Yes, Ms Bedingfield, your policy
will cover the contents of your
stolen purse ...Oh ...uh ...yes,
even those ...items. Yes, the
batteries too. You had ten
thousand dollars in cash stolen as
well. Just won in Vegas? Well, uh,
the policy only covers two hundred
dollars in stolen money.
                                                            
Lane pulls the headset off and holds it away from his head
as Ms. Bedingfield screams obscenities about insurance
companies. Lane puts the set back on.
                                                            

20.

                       LANE
Thank you for your input. I will
certainly pass it on to our senior
management. Have a nice day,
ma'am.
                                                            
Ms. Bedingfield continues to swear up a storm from the
headset as Lane removes the set and pushes the disconnect
BUTTON. Lane blows air from his puffed cheeks and looks over
to a grinning Rob, who is also wrapping up his call.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
Sure thing, sweetheart, we can
take care of that T.V. Your front
door and living room were torn up
by the dastardly criminals? I'll
have to assign someone from the
field staff to inspect that
damage. I'll do that right away.
Of course ...why thank you
...O.K...good bye.
                                                            
Rob hangs up his headset and looks over to Lane.
                                                            
                       ROB
Little trouble on that purse
claim, buddy?
                                                            
                       LANE
This woman pays sixty three
dollars a year for a basic policy
and wants me to pay for ten
thousand dollars in cash she
supposedly had stolen from her
purse while she was in Vegas!
                                                            
                       ROB
So?
                                                            
                       LANE
      (worked up)
SO? SO?
                                                            
                       ROB
Come on, lets go. My turn to pick
out the lunch spot.
                                                            
Lane frowns at Rob, then gets up and follows him out of the
claims department.
                                                            
 

21.

EXT. SECOND AVENUE - DAY
                                                            
Rob and Lane walk down a busy Seattle street. Lane rambles
on talking while Rob stops at a newspaper stand machine.
                                                            
                       LANE
I have got to get that field staff
job! I can't take any more of
these bogus theft claims! People
think because they make a claim,
they have won the lottery.
                                                            
Rob bumps the newspaper stand and pulls the door open. He
grabs two papers and hands one to Lane. They start walking
again.
                                                            
                       ROB
You think being part of the field
staff is any better?
                                                            
                       LANE
At least then you can actually see
the damage, versus someone pulling
crap right out of the sky!
                                                            
                       ROB
You're too uptight. Christ, it's
not like it's your money. You need
to lighten up. Come on, I've got
just the ticket for you.
                                                            
Both men continue walking down the street. Rob looks around
while Lane reads the paper. Suddenly Rob stops and grabs
Lane by the elbow.
                                                            
                       ROB
We're here, come on.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (looks up,
       concerned)
Where are we? Rob?
                                                            
 
EXT. TRINITY ARMS APARTMENTS - DAY
                                                            
Gavin Blake stands in a small parking lot next to GINO
MERLINO looking up at a complete remodel taking place on a
non-descript 4 story apartment building.

Merlino is Italian, early sixties, short, with a bad black
hair dye job. Construction equipment and several workmen
move back and forth on the site.
                                                            

22.

                       GINO
      (watching the work)
I don't see why the hell this is
my problem, Gavin.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
It was your bright idea to have
Jack removed. Now I'm being forced
to bring in a trainee, a fucking
rookie!
                                                            
                       GINO
      (glances over at
       Gavin)
Maybe I can work a better deal
with the new guy.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
You don't get it, do you? Some of
these newbies are real Boy Scouts.
This could be a serious problem
for us!
                                                            
Gino turns and gives Gavin a long look.
                                                            
                       GINO
Problem for us? You insurance
guys, you're all alike. You think
you're the only game in town, huh,
Gavin. I've been bidding on some
of that airport work. Won't be
long before I'll be done with the
lot of you.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Good luck with that, Gino. And
good luck with all that fucking
government over site you love so
much.
                                                            
Both men stare at each other again, then Gino reaches into
his jacket, pulls out a bulging white envelope and hands it
to Gavin. Gavin weighs the envelope in his hand, then turns
and walks away.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
See you around, Gino.
                                                            
 
INT. BUTTERFACES DANCE CLUB - DAY
                                                            
House music thumps while Rob stares at a full figured
topless DANCER gyrating on a stage.

23.


On the table in front of him are two PLATES of mini hot dogs
and fries. Rob grabs a hot dog and stuffs it in his mouth.

At the same time the dancer turns around and bends over to
look in Rob's face. The woman is frightening to look at,
with a thin mustache, hooked nose and one eye covered with a
black patch.

Rob winks at her and slips a five dollar BILL in her eye
patch string.

At the same time, Lane comes out from the men's room,
crosses the club floor filled with men sitting at tables and
takes his seat next to Rob.

He looks with disgust down at the food, then up at the girl.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (yelling over the
       music)
You promised never to bring me
here again!
                                                            
                       ROB
      (still staring at
       the dancer)
Come on buddy, look at this
spread. They got a new chef. No
where else you can get this kind
of quality for four bucks!
                                                            
Another dancer struts up next to the first one and starts
shaking her huge breasts in Lane's face.

Lane stares wide eyed at the woman's hideous face, then his
cell phone RINGS. He grabs the phone and runs back toward
the entrance.
                                                            
BUTTERFACES CASHIER COUNTER
                                                            
Lane stands away from the counter talking on his cell phone
while Rob pays the dwarf cashier woman. Lane closes his
phone as Rob walks up to him.
                                                            
                       ROB
All set. What's up?
                                                            
                       LANE
That was Amber. Rich Arnold has
scheduled you, me and Amber for
interviews this afternoon. This is
it, pal, our chance to get out of
            (MORE)

24.

                       LANE (cont'd)
the cubicles.
                                                            
The men leave the club and walk down the sidewalk.
                                                            
 
EXT. SEATTLE STREET - DAY
                                                            
                       ROB
You really think any of us have a
chance at that job? Those guys
deal with pretty big stuff,
apartment fires, bridge collapses.
Hell, last year Gavin himself
handled that big chemical plant
explosion claim. How the hell do
you do stuff like that?
                                                            
                       LANE
They train you, Rob. You just have
to pay attention. I know that's a
big challenge for you.
                                                            
 
EXT. WHEATLAND BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
Rob rolls his eyes at Lane as they arrive at the building.
Lane opens the door for Rob and they both go in.
                                                            
 
INT. WHEATLAND BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
Walking toward the claims department, Lane stops and puts
his hand on his stomach.
                                                            
                       ROB
Problem with the corn dogs?
                                                            
                       LANE
Just a little stressed about the
interview.
                                                            
                       ROB
The nervous shits. Yeah, I used to
get those too, till I started
drinking in the morning. Now, it's
all good.
                                                            
 
INT. MEN'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Lane opens the toilet stall door and slowly walks over to
the sink. Sweat shines on his face and his hair droops. He

25.

stands over one of the sinks taking deep breaths as he
stares at himself in the mirror.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (to the mirror)
Get yourself together you wimp.
It's just an interview. You can do
it.
                                                            
As he dabs his face with a towel, the other stall door
behind him BANGS open and Gavin Blake walks up and takes a
place at the sink next to Lane.

They stare at each other a moment in the mirror as Gavin
slowly washes his hands.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (nervous)
Hello, Mr. Blake.
                                                            
Gavin continues to stare at Lane.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (sweating again)
Guess I'll be seeing you later
huh? At the interview I mean.
                                                            
With no response from Gavin, Lane turns to leave. Suddenly,
Gavin cuts in front of Lane, moves to the door and throws
the LOCK. He turns back to Lane and gets in his face.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
      (menacing)
Let me give you some advice kid.
I'd take a pass on trying to get
on with the field staff.
                                                            
                       LANE
Why?
                                                            
                       GAVIN
You don't have a fucking clue do
you? Handling stolen jewelry and
purse claims ain't gonna get you
very far out on the street.
Understand?
                                                            
                       LANE
      (scared)
But, but, Rich encouraged us to
apply. It seems the right move for
my career.
                                                            

26.

Gavin pushes Lane against the wall and moves to within an
inch of his face.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
      (seething)
Your career. Are you kidding me?
Right now you just better worry
about getting home in one piece,
you hear me.
                                                            
Lane swallows hard as Gavin steps back. After staring at
Lane a beat, he throws the lock back and pulls the door
open.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
      (pointing)
Don't go forgetting our little
discussion here.
                                                            
Lane nods his sweaty head, then Gavin is gone. When the door
closes, Lane bends over and takes several deep breaths.
Grabbing at his stomach, he starts undoing his belt and runs
back over to the stall.
                                                            
 
INT. RICH ARNOLD'S OUTER OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Amber and Rob both sit in chairs outside the closed door of
Rich's office. Both stare into space. Next to them is an
empty chair. While Amber struggles with a missed button on
her blouse, Lane walks up.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (and Amber
       together)
You're late, Lane.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (sweating)
I'm not interviewing.
                                                            
                       ROB
What?
                                                            
                       AMBER
Why?
                                                            
                       LANE
I'm just not, OK? Please let Rich
know.
      (rubs his stomach)
I gotta go, please just tell him.
Thanks.
                                                            

27.

Lane turns to leave, but Rob stands and grabs his arm.
                                                            
                       ROB
You O.K., buddy?
                                                            
                       LANE
Yeah, yeah sure.
                                                            
Rob stares at Lane for a second, then lets go of his arm.
Lane starts to leave.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (to Lane's back)
Remember, we've got dinner tonight
at my ma's house, don't be late.
                                                            
Hearing this, Lane stops, hangs and shakes his head, then
keeps walking. Behind Rob, Rich's door opens and Rich
signals for Amber to come in.
                                                            
 
EXT. MA CIARELLI'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane parks his late 1980's Plymouth Horizon next to Rob's
truck in front a dark red two story Victorian home. The
front yard is over-landscaped and contains numerous spouting
fountains. Opera music blares from the windows.

Lane gets out of his car with a bouquet of flowers, walks to
the door and rings the bell. Immediately the music stops and
the front door swings open.

ROMA CIARELLI, very short, late 60's with streaked black
hair, beams at Lane as she steps aside to let him enter.
                                                            
                       LANE
Good evening Mrs. C. My, my, my,
you look younger every time I see
you.
      (hands her the
       flowers, sniffs
       the air)
And something definitely smells
good in here.
                                                            
 
INT. CIARELLI HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Mrs. Ciarelli takes the flowers and a hold of Lane's arm and
leads him into a large living room. The room is stuffed with
large European furniture, old framed photographs and lit
candles.
                                                            

28.

                       ROMA
Oh Lane, you are such a charmer,
really! Why hasn't some lucky
young lady caught you yet?
                                                            
                       LANE
Just haven't found the right one
yet, I guess.
                                                            
                       ROMA
You and Rob, such playboys! Well,
I need to go check on dinner. You
make yourself at home.
                                                            
As Mrs. Ciarelli goes into the kitchen, Rob walks in chewing
on a long baguette.
                                                            
                       ROB
Hey, boyo! Feeling better?
                                                            
                       LANE
      (grinning)
Things have passed, yes.
                                                            
Lane takes a seat on the large couch and grabs a handful of
chips from a bowl on the coffee table.
                                                            
                       LANE
Well?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (big mouth full of
       bread)
Well what?
                                                            
                       LANE
Come on, Rob. Don't play dumb. Did
you get the job?
                                                            
Rob walks over to a wine decanter and pours himself a tall
glass.
                                                            
                       ROB
That's a complicated question. One
that I intend to answer in full,
while we eat.
                                                            
Lane's face shows his frustration at Rob as the door bell
RINGS.
                                                            
                       ROMA (os)
That will be Mary Grace. Rob, can
you get that?
                                                            

29.

                       LANE
Mary Grace?
                                                            
                       ROB
You remember Mary Grace, skinny
girl from the block. Moved to New
York when we were in middle
school. Well, she's back. A big
time lawyer now, doing some sort
of government work.
                                                            
Lane pats his hair into place and stands up to greet Mary
Grace. Rob leaves to answer the door. Lane listens while
Mary Grace comes in.
                                                            
                       ROB (os)
Well hello, little girl. Look at
you, all grown up! Come on in,
please.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE (os)
Good old Rob. Still the handsome
charmer, I see!
                                                            
Rob and MARY GRACE ANTOLINA walk back into the living room.
Mary Grace, breathtakingly beautiful, is late twenties,
long black hair and olive skin. She wears a long black coat
and high heels.
                                                            
                       ROB
Lane, you remember Mary Grace
don't you? She was a couple years
behind us in school, Lane?
                                                            
                       LANE
      (dumbstruck)
Uh? Yeah? Uh? Hi, Lane Jette.
      (holds his hand
       out)
Nice to meet you.
                                                            
Rob and Mary Grace both stare at Lane, then bust out
laughing. Lane turns red and returns to the couch.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (still laughing)
I'm sorry, Lane. It's just that
you have known me my entire life.
What's with the formalities? It's
still just me, the little girl who
was always following you around.
                                                            

30.

                       LANE
      (recovering)
Oh, sure, yeah, I know. Just
haven't seen you in awhile, that's
all. So, uh, how's it going? Mrs.
C says you're a lawyer now.
                                                            
                       ROMA (os)
OK kids, lets eat!
                                                            
DINING ROOM
                                                            
Lane, Rob and Mary Grace all sit around a circular dining
table. Overflowing platters and dishes of various pastas
cover every inch of space.

Mrs. C. puts a bottle of red wine next to each place setting
and takes her seat.

There is still an empty seat at the table. On the wall
behind the table is a large cross.
                                                            
                       ROMA
OK, let's all join hands and offer
the Almighty our blessing.
                                                            
Everyone holds hands, with Lane taking Mary Grace's. She
gives Lane a dazzling smile, then bows her head.
                                                            
                       ROMA
      (a beat, strong
       loud voice)
Dear almighty God in heaven. We
thank you for those who have come
to share in your bountiful
harvest. We hope your kingdom
awaits us as we do your work here
on earth. May you forgive us our
many, many sins...
                                                            
Rob looks over at Lane and winks.
                                                            
                       ROMA
... and continue to allow us to
follow your example during our
brief time in the mortal life. For
all our faults, we ask your
blessing. Amen!
                                                            
Everyone says a rousing "Amen!" and start to dish up.
                                                            

31.

                       MARY GRACE
That was beautiful, Mrs. C. I
really miss the family meal. It
seems there is never enough time
these days.
                                                            
                       ROMA
      (looks over at
       Lane)
What you need to do is find a good
man to cook for. A family to love
would give you a whole new
perspective, dear.
                                                            
Roma grins as Lane shakes his head at her obvious
matchmaking plot. Rob continues to pile food on his plate.
                                                            
                       ROB
Don't know why anyone would need
more than what I got right here,
Ma.
                                                            
                       ROMA
      (shaking her head)
That's why I'll be dead before I'm
a grandmother!
                                                            
Everyone chuckles, then Mary Grace starts unbuttoning her
coat.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Is there a place I can put my
coat?
                                                            
Rob jumps up and gets behind Mary Grace's chair.
                                                            
                       ROB
Oh sorry, here, let me help you.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Such a gentleman!
                                                            
Lane continues to watch Mary as Rob helps her out of her
coat.

His jaw drops as she reveals a set of rather large breasts
stretching against the buttons of her v-neck sweater.

Roma also notices the straining sweater.
                                                            

32.

                       ROMA
      (startled)
Oh my! Well. What a lovely
sweater, Mary.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (touches her
       breast)
Oh this, why thank you. I actually
made this myself. I'd love to put
one together for you if you'd
like.
                                                            
Rob sits back down after hanging up the coat, drains his
glass of wine, then stuff a fork full of pasta in his mouth.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (mouth full)
So, Mary, tell us all about
yourself.
                                                            
Just as Mary tries to talk, the front door BANGS open.
Everyone looks towards the sound. After a moment, PALMA
CIARELLI walks in, banging a large tuba on the wall.

Palma, 15, short, skinny, wears a marching band outfit
complete with feathered cap.
                                                            
                       PALMA
Sorry I'm late, fucking tuba got
stuck on the bus again. So, what
did I miss?
                                                            
LIVING ROOM-LATER
                                                            
Rob, Roma and Palma sit on the couch. Lane and Mary Grace
are wedged into a small love seat. All have martini's except
Palma.
                                                            
                       PALMA
So I tell this shithead, HEY, you
think just cause I have a pussy I
can't carry this fucking tuba. He
says "No", so I hand him the damn
thing, then I kick him in the
balls. Bet he wished he had a
pussy then!
                                                            
As Palma rambles on, Lane keeps trying to puts some space
between himself and Mary Grace. Roma, clearly embarrassed,
has her head down with her hand over her face. Rob chases an
olive around in his drink with his tongue.
                                                            

33.

                       PALMA
So anyways, HEY, why the hell
isn't anyone else talking. Jesus,
I feel like I've had to carry the
conversation all fucking night.
What's up with you, Bobby?
                                                            
Palma slaps Rob on the back of his head causing him to break
his martini glass with his nose and give him a nose bleed.
Rob jumps up and grabs his nose.
                                                            
                       ROB
Oh Christ, Jesus, Palma!
                                                            
Rob rushes out of the room, bleeding profusely, with Roma
right behind him. Palma shrugs her shoulders, then gets up
from the couch.
                                                            
                       PALMA
Well, it was great meeting you
two. I gotta go change. On-line
date you know. Love those Nigerian
guys. See you later!
                                                            
Rob and Mary Grace watch her leave, then sit in silence,
both uncomfortable sitting so close after everyone has left.
                                                            
                       LANE
Palma sure has a lot to say, huh?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Uh, yeah, all dinner long. We
couldn't get a word in.
                                                            
                       LANE
Yeah.
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace continue to sit, looking around the
room, up at the ceiling, anywhere but at each other.
                                                            
                       LANE
So you became a lawyer. How do you
like that?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
We get to do some pretty neat
stuff. Right now I'm working on a
white collar crime task force.
                                                            
This interests Lane. He turns and looks at Mary Grace.
                                                            
                       LANE
That sounds pretty cool.
                                                            

34.

                       MARY GRACE
It is, really. The local attorney
general has brought in a number of
us to investigate some local ...uh
...
      (she hesitates)
concerns ...regarding some
questionable business practices.
                                                            
Lane notices her uneasiness.
                                                            
                       LANE
Hey, I understand you can't talk
about what you do. I'm in the
insurance business myself. We
definitely have to keep some
pretty strange secrets.
                                                            
Mary Grace smiles her relief at Lane's understanding and
puts her hand on his leg, giving it a little squeeze.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I'm really glad to hear that. Some
guys get turned off when I can't
spill my guts to them. They think
I'm some kind of bitch or
something.
                                                            
They smile at each other.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (pats the hair)
Well, I'm not just any guy.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I can see that. So, I haven't
really been back here in a while.
What do you say about showing a
girl the town?
                                                            
As Lane stares at this beautiful woman asking him out, Rob
comes back sporting a swollen nose and blackening eyes. He
stops when he sees Lane and Mary Grace on the couch with
Mary's hand still on Lane's leg.
                                                            
                       ROB
Whoa, hey, sorry. Just seeing if
old Laney there can give me a ride
home. So what do you say, buddy?
                                                            
Lane looks at Mary again and she mouths "Call Me." Lane
smiles, nods his head and gets up.
                                                            

35.

                       LANE
Sure, pal, lets go.
      (looks back at
       Mary Grace)
Mary, it was very nice to see you
again. I'll be in touch shortly.
                                                            
Lane looks back to Rob, as he squeezes blood out of his
nose.
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S CAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane drives while Rob checks out his face in the passenger
vanity mirror.
                                                            
                       LANE
So what do you think I should do?
                                                            
                       ROB
Are you kidding me? Did you get a
look at her? You've got to nail
her, fast, before she figures out
what a loser you are!
                                                            
                       LANE
Why do I even bother with you.
Come on, she's a class act. I
can't come on like some dog in
heat. I need some advice here!
                                                            
                       ROB
Alright, look, you need to build
yourself up to her. She's a
fucking government lawyer for
Christ's sake. Tell her about you
being employee of the month and
stuff. Let her happen to see those
stupid Citizen of the Year plaques
you have. She'll eat that stuff
up!
                                                            
                       LANE
You think?
                                                            
                       ROB
Hell yeah. And you can tell her
about your big promotion to the
field staff!
                                                            
Lane slams on the brakes, skidding to a halt on a deserted
street. Rob slams his face into the dashboard, causing
another blood gusher from his nose.
                                                            

36.

                       ROB
Fuck!
                                                            
                       LANE
What promotion! What are you
talking about, Rob?
                                                            
Rob tries to stop the blood with the bottom of his shirt.
His ample white hairy belly on full display.
                                                            
                       ROB
I tried to tell you at dinner, but
Palma wouldn't shut up. You got
the job, buddy, you and me, we're
both in!
                                                            
 
INT. ROB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane paces in Rob's kitchen as Rob works on his nose. A huge
Wang Chung poster covers the wall.
                                                            
                       LANE
How did this happen? I told you I
didn't want the job.
                                                            
                       ROB
I know, but after Amber and I
interviewed, Gavin Blake called me
in and offered me the job. I
couldn't believe it. I mean, I
gotta tell you, I didn't think I
came off all that well in the
interview. Anyway, he says "You're
the kind of guy that would fit in
on the field staff." I was so
excited, I accepted on the spot.
                                                            
                       LANE
So how did I get in?
                                                            
Rob has large wads of tissue hanging out of each nostril as
he presses a beer can against his forehead.
                                                            
                       ROB
So I get back to my desk and start
to thinking, Jesus, I really think
I might be over my head here.
Then, just as I'm thinking I may
go tell Gavin I want to
reconsider, my phone rings, it's
Rich Arnold. He says he wants to
see me. So OK, I go into his
office and there's Gavin again,
            (MORE)

37.

                       ROB (cont'd)
only he don't look too happy. Then
Rich tells me that given that Jack
Rogers was a senior guy and
everything, he's thinking he wants
to put two guys in Jack's spot.
Then he asks me what I think about
you.
                                                            
                       LANE
Oh God.
                                                            
                       ROB
Yeah, so I'm thinking, well, you
do kinda pretty much cover my
desk, you know, when I'm, well,
busy with other projects.
                                                            
                       LANE
Like sleeping in your car, taking
2 hour lunches and flirting with
anything in a skirt.
                                                            
                       ROB
Right. So I tell Rich, hell yeah,
Lane is an outstanding employee.
Organized, detailed, great memory,
by the book and so forth.
                                                            
                       LANE
And?
                                                            
                       ROB
And he says, yeah, that's what I
thought. So then he says, after
talking it over with Gavin, they
have agreed to promote you too! He
asked me to give you the good
news, and, well, here we are.
                                                            
                       LANE
Gavin didn't say anything during
this meeting?
                                                            
                       ROB
The only thing he did ask was
where you lived. Something to do
with what territory you would be
covering. I will say he didn't
look all too happy. Looked like he
had some bad clams or something.
But anyway, you're in! Training
starts tomorrow first thing. Isn't
this great? Now we can be working
            (MORE)

38.

                       ROB (cont'd)
together just like before, only on
the field staff.
                                                            
Rob stares as Lane pulls his perfect hair in all directions.
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh yeah, great. Look, I gotta get
going. If we are starting training
tomorrow, I better get a good
nights sleep.
      (turns and walks
       out)
See you tomorrow, Rob.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (questioning)
Yeah, see ya.
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S CAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane shakes his head back and forth as he drives home. A
Wang Chung song softly plays on the RADIO.
                                                            
                       LANE
You're dead. You're dead. You're
dead. OK. OK. OK Lane. You can do
this. He told you not to apply and
you didn't. It's not your fault.
Everything will be alright.
                                                            
As Lane rambles on, the flood of headlights fills his car.
He looks in his rear view mirror and is blinded by two
headlights closing in fast.

His EYES go wide and he pushes down on the gas PEDAL. The
headlights fall back, then rush up again. Lane panics and
slams the PEDAL to the floor. He glances at his SPEEDOMETER,
which is struggling to get past 55 miles per hour.

The headlights continue to push him. Lane looks ahead and
sees his apartment building parking lot. He slams on his
brakes and slides the car into an open spot.

The CEMENT TRUCK following him bounces to a stop blocking
the spot where Lane parked. Lane jumps out of the car and
looks back at the driver, Butch Knicks, as he hustles into
his apartment.

Once inside, Lane peeks through the blinds at the dark
idling truck. After a moment, the truck slowly pulls away.
Lane falls to the floor hugging his knees to his chest.
                                                            
 

39.

INT. LANE'S APARTMENT-NEXT DAY - DAY
                                                            
A phone RINGS as Lane lays curled up sleeping next to the
living room window.

He stirs at the sound and slowly stands up, his cloths badly
wrinkled from sleeping on the floor and his hair sprouting
in all directions.

He pads over and answers the phone.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Uh? Hello?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE (os)
      (on the phone)
Good Morning, Lane, it's Mary
Grace. I was just going to leave a
message. I thought you would be at
work by now.
                                                            
Lane looks at his WATCH. It's 8:42am. Lane panics and runs
to his closet.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Oh, uh, had a couple things to do
here this morning first. What's
up, Mary?
                                                            
Lane struggles to change his clothes while talking on the
phone. He trips on his pants while trying to pull them over
his shoes.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE (os)
      (on the phone)
I was hoping we might be able to
get together on Friday night? You
know, so you could show me around.
                                                            
Lane, breathing hard now, works to get his hair back in
place.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE (os)
      (on the phone)
Hello? Lane, are you all right?
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Yeah, yeah, I'm great. That sounds
good, Mary. I'll call you later
today. I gotta go now, though.
            (MORE)

40.

                       LANE (cont'd)
First day on the new job. Bye.
                                                            
APARTMENT PARKING LOT
                                                            
Lane turns off the phone before Mary can respond and runs
out his front door. Fighting his tie, he stops dead in his
tracks.

Lane's car has been completely buried in cement. The only
thing showing is his antenna with a Jack in the Box BALL
with a smiling face. The car has orange CONES surrounding it
and a sign touting "Another Quality Job by Merlino
Construction."

Lane's eyes go wide, then he looks all around, and starts
running down the street after a receding BUS.
                                                            
 
INT. WHEATLAND CLAIMS DEPARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane rushes in, stops next to Doris, and scans the claims
floor. Doris eyes him suspiciously.
                                                            
                       DORIS
Can I help you?
                                                            
                       LANE
Where does the field staff meet?
                                                            
                       DORIS
Why do you need to know that?
                                                            
                       LANE
Come on Doris. I'm on the field
staff now. I need to get to a
meeting!
                                                            
Doris scowls at Lane over her half moon cheaters, then
reaches into her desk and hands him a floor map. He grabs
it, quickly scans the directions and runs off.
                                                            
FIELD STAFF OFFICES
                                                            
Lane arrives sweaty and panting at a non-descript metal
door. There is no doorknob but there is a eye hole.

Lane looks at the door, then pushes a door bell BUTTON.
After a moment, the eye hole slides open and an EYEBALL
looks out. The eye hole slides shut again and the door
opens.

Gavin Blake stands in the door staring at Lane.
                                                            

41.

                       GAVIN
Yes?
                                                            
                       LANE
Good morning Mr. Blake. Sorry I'm
late. I, uh, had car trouble.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Why the fuck are you here?
                                                            
                       LANE
Rob Ciarelli said to be here this
morning to start my training. You
know, for the field staff
position?
                                                            
Gavin grunts and opens the door for Lane to enter. He
squeezes by Gavin and walks into a large open room.

Lane stares in awe at the pinball machines, pool table,
popcorn stand, full bar and leather furniture. A regular
boys club.

In the middle of the room is a large conference room type
table covered with food. Seated around the table are MOTT
DIETRICH, JUNIOR BIGGINS, and Rob.

Mott and Junior are both late 50's, with bulging stomachs,
straining sport coats and thinning hairdo's. All the men eye
Lane with disdain while Rob greets Lane with a big smile.

Rob's nose is still swollen and his eyes are black. Gavin
walks over and takes a seat at the head of the table, then
looks over to Lane.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
You gonna just stand there with
your head up your ass or you gonna
join us?
                                                            
                       LANE
Of course, sorry.
                                                            
Lane hustles over towards the table, then notices there are
no empty seats.

He quickly looks over the room, spots a ceramic elephant
with a raised truck, picks it up, moves it next to Rob and
sits down with the raised trunk between his legs.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Are we ready yet?
                                                            

42.

                       LANE
Yes sir. Ready.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
So as you all know, Jack Rogers
was brutally murdered for unknown
reasons while staying at the Four
Seasons.
                                                            
Gavin eyes Mott and Junior while he makes this statement.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
To fill his spot, I'd like to give
a warm welcome to his replacement,
Rob Ciarelli. Rob, welcome.
                                                            
Everyone gives a little applause.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Most of you already know Rob from
the company picnics, some of the
field staff after parties and of
course late nights at Butterfaces!
                                                            
Mott, Junior and Gavin all nod and smile while Lane looks at
Rob with amazed astonishment.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Rob, or is it Bob?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (grinning)
Not if you value your balls!
                                                            
Everyone chuckles, including Gavin.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Fair enough. ROB will be
completing his field training with
Mott.
      (Mott grins and
       slaps Rob on the
       back)
I've arranged for you two to see a
wide variety of claims to give Rob
a true sense of the dangers and
excitement of field work.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (quietly)
Outstanding.
                                                            

43.

                       GAVIN
OK, everyone else has their
assignments for the day. That's
it, lets get out there.
                                                            
The men all start to get up. Lane quickly grabs the elephant
trunk and starts to stand, then the truck breaks off with a
loud CRACK.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
What the hell did you do to my
pachyderm?
                                                            
Lane scrambles to try and repair the damage, which is
impossible. He finally stands up, trunk in hand and looks to
Gavin.
                                                            
                       LANE
I'm so sorry sir, it just broke.
It was an accident! I'll replace
it, I promise.
                                                            
Gavin groans and turns to leave. Lane rushes over to him.
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, Gavin, Mr. Blake. Who is going
to be my trainer?
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Jesus Christ.
      (he looks at the
       men leaving)
Junior, take?
                                                            
                       LANE
Lane.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Take the new guy out and train him
up. Be sure he also gets a FULL
understanding of what type of
claims we deal with. Understand?
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
Completely. Come on, rookie, let's
get to it.
                                                            
 
EXT. WHEATLAND BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
Lane tries to keep up as Junior strides over to a new
Cadillac XLR Convertible and jumps in. Lane gets in the
passenger seat and buckles up.

44.


Junior reaches into the back and hands Lane a large three
ring binder, then starts the car and drives off.
                                                            
 
INT. JUNIOR'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Lane struggles to open the giant binder as Junior fires up a
huge cigar. Smoke swirls around Lane's head.
                                                            
                       LANE
What is this binder?
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
Training manual, first of 10.
Better know it by tomorrow, kid.
Can't pass probation period
without knowing those books.
                                                            
                       LANE
Probation period?
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
30 days. Perform or you're out.
Got it?
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, sure.
                                                            
Lane leafs through hundreds of pages as Junior pulls up to a
stop sign. Next to them is a new Jaguar convertible.

Wang Chung blasts from the stereo as Mott and Rob both smoke
huge cigars in the Jag. Rob looks over and spots Lane.
                                                            
                       ROB
Laney! Lane, is this living or
what! We got three stops today!
Let's meet tonight to debrief.
                                                            
Lane stares at Rob as the light turns green. The Jag tears
off in a cloud of cigar smoke. Junior tears off after them,
sending Lane's binder flying out to the street, exploding in
a shower of papers.
                                                            
                       LANE
My binder!
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
Should be more careful, kid.
                                                            
 

45.

INT. JUNIOR'S CAR-LATER SAME MORNING - DAY
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
So anyway, usually people who buy
insurance only have one or two
claims their entire lives. They
use it when they really need it
and we get to help them. That's
about 90 percent of all insureds.
The remaining 10 percent is where
most of our work comes from. These
people are typically idiots.
Uneducated morons who couldn't
spell insurance much less read a
policy. They'll turn in claims for
anything. Dog shits on the carpet,
turn in a claim, 100 year old
plumbing fails, turn in a claim,
rotted fence falls over, turn in a
claim.
                                                            
                       LANE
But the policy doesn't cover any
of those claims. What do you do?
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
I'll tell you what you do. You go
out, look at their shitty houses
and crappy claims, smile and tell
them they're out of fucking luck
cause the policy ain't gonna pay
them, that's what you tell 'em.
                                                            
                       LANE
Right there, to the customers
face? Isn't that, you know, hard
to do?
                                                            
Junior grins at this as he pulls up to a dilapidated single
wide mobile home. The yard is full of tractor engines,
dismantled cars and broken toys. A trail leads through the
tall grass to a rickety porch scabbed onto the siding.
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
Damn right it is. Welcome to the
field staff. Now, Mrs. Anderson
here has made a claim for some
type of smell coming from her
house. Go on in there, take some
pictures, then deny her claim.
                                                            
                       LANE
You're not coming?
                                                            

46.

Junior leans back and starts to sleep.
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
I'll be right here if you run into
trouble. Get along now, prompt
customer service and all.
                                                            
Lane stares at Junior, sighs, grabs a camera from the back
seat, gets out and starts walking towards the porch. Junior
opens one eye, grins and goes back to sleep.
                                                            
 
INT. MOTT'S JAGUAR-SAME TIME - DAY
                                                            
Mott turns down the blasting Wang Chung song as they pull
through a set of ornate gates and drive down a long
driveway. Rob stares in awe at the opulence.

The car stops in front a mansion complete with stone
GARGOYLES and cupid FOUNTAINS.
                                                            
                       LANE
Amazing.
                                                            
                       MOTT
OK, so here's the story. Mrs.
Karlock here has turned in a claim
for damage to her pool fence.
We'll go in, interview her and
take a few pictures, then I'll
prepare an estimate to pay her
claim. You just relax and watch
how we do this, got it?
                                                            
                       ROB
Got it.
                                                            
 
INT. ANDERSON TRAILER - DAY
                                                            
Lane stands on the porch and gently knocks. Immediately the
door swings out and smacks him in the face. He stumbles,
then steps around the door to meet MRS. ANDERSON.

Anderson is at least 70 years old with a tatter house coat
and butchered gray hair. An extra long cigarette hangs from
her droopy lower lip. Several teeth are missing.
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
What the hell do you want? I ain't
looking to join the God damned
Morman church, so get the fuck off
my property! You hear me, boy?
                                                            

47.

                       LANE
Uh, yes ma'am. Actually, my name
is Lane Jette. I'm a field claims
adjuster for Wheatland Property
and Casualty. I'm here to
investigate your claim.
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
      (eyes Lane
       suspiciously)
I don't like this, don't like it
one bit!
                                                            
                       LANE
Ma'am, if you'll just let me get a
quick look, we'll see what we can
do for you, OK?
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
Well fine then. Let's get this
over with. I'm damn busy today,
damn busy!
                                                            
 
INT. ANDERSON MOBILE HOME - DAY
                                                            
Mrs. Anderson leads Lane into the living room. The room is a
complete hovel. Laundry is piled everywhere, a huge console
T.V. flickers in the corner. Four bald cats start rubbing
against Lane's leg.

Mrs. Anderson leads Lane through an equally disgusting
kitchen. Dishes fill the sink. All the counter space is
jammed with pots and pans and used food. The window shade
over the sink is half pulled off.
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
As you can see, I take great pride
in my housekeeping. I could tell
you where everything is in here.
But dammit, this smell is driving
me crazy. You people have got to
do something about it!
                                                            
She leads Lane into the master bedroom, complete with a huge
water bed covered with a David Hasselhoff spread. Lane
recoils at a smell in the room, covering his nose.

Laundry, a broken Nordic track machine and magazines litter
the room. Behind an ironing board against the back wall is a
door.
                                                            

48.

                       MRS. ANDERSON
Here we are. Go to work.
                                                            
 
EXT. KARLOCK ESTATE - DAY
                                                            
An elderly butler leads Mott and Rob out through the patio
doors and onto an enormous pool deck. Mott carries a large
black case.

Laying on her stomach, topless, is MRS. KARLOCK. Karlock is
mid thirties, long blond hair with a full figure. The men
continue on to Mrs. Karlock as the butler retreats.
                                                            
                       MOTT
Hello, Mrs. Karlock?
                                                            
Mrs. Karlock slowly turns her head and stares at the men.
She sits up and stretches, exposing her fabulous breasts.
Feigning modesty, she covers up with her hands.
                                                            
                       MRS. KARLOCK
Oops, excuse my outfit. You are so
prompt, I didn't have time to
change.
                                                            
                       MOTT
      (and Rob together)
That's not a problem, ma'am.
                                                            
Mrs. Karlock grabs a mess half shirt next to her lounger and
puts it on. The fishnet fabric barely contains her breasts
while still leaving nothing to the imagination.
                                                            
                       MOTT
We're from the insurance company,
Mrs. Karlock. Here to check out
your fence.
                                                            
                       MRS. KARLOCK
That's right. Please, follow me,
gentlemen.
                                                            
The men fall in line behind her as she sashays past the end
of the pool to a small metal fence. In the corner is a metal
gate off its hinges.
                                                            
                       MRS. KARLOCK
I just noticed this the other day
and panicked. Mr. Karlock likes
things in ship shape and this
would certainly upset him.
      (looks at Rob)
I guess I'm just a little
            (MORE)

49.

                       MRS. KARLOCK (cont'd)
unhinged.
                                                            
                       MOTT
We can certainly help you with
this, ma'am. Just give me a
second.
                                                            
With both Rob and Mrs. Karlock looking on, Mott opens his
case and gets out a small blow torch. He sparks up the flame
and solders the hinge back in place.

Mrs. Karlock snuggles up to Rob as they both watch. Mott
finishes the welding, pulls a can of black spray paint out
and touches up his work. The gate is repaired.

Mrs. Karlock giggles and presses her chest against a
grinning Rob. Mott smiles and packs up his case.
                                                            
                       MRS. KARLOCK
Oh my, you are wonderful. It looks
brand new! How can I ever repay
you two?
                                                            
                       MOTT
It's our pleasure ma'am. If you
wouldn't mind, could you just sign
this comment card.
      (hands her a card
       and pen)
It would certainly help us out.
Our names are on the back.
                                                            
                       MRS. KARLOCK
      (signs and hands
       the card back)
Absolutely! Would you gentlemen
like a drink before you go. It's
the least I could do after all
your hard work.
                                                            
                       MOTT
Maybe one for the road, if you
don't mind.
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
Why of course. Please follow me.
                                                            
Mott and Lane follow her across the deck and into the house.
The men high five each other behind her back.
                                                            
 

50.

INT. ANDERSON MOBILE HOME - DAY
                                                            
Lane slowly walks around the room scanning the floor. Mrs.
Anderson is right behind him. The CATS have arrived and run
through a cat DOOR in the door behind the ironing board.

Lane notices the cats go through and walks towards the door.
As he get closer, he pulls a handkerchief from his pocket
and covers his nose.
                                                            
                       LANE
The smell seems to be coming from
over by this door.
                                                            
Mrs. Anderson leans against Lane as he stops next to the
ironing board. Several burned out candles cover the top.
                                                            
                       LANE
What's behind this door?
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
You can't go in there, that's
Cal's room!
                                                            
                       LANE
Cal?
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
My husband, you twit. That's his
private room, you know, for
watching T.V., solving problems,
thinking. You know, his hole!
                                                            
                       LANE
When's the last time you saw Cal?
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
      (suspicious)
Why?
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, no reason. So, ma'am, I don't
see any damage here that could be
causing this smell. What exactly
do you want us to do for you?
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
Get rid of this damn stench. What
the hell am I paying eighteen
dollars a month to you people
for?!
                                                            

51.

                       LANE
Ma'am, I think the smell may be
coming from Cal's hole. If you
want us to help you, I'm going to
need to take a look.
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
He don't like to be disturbed.
                                                            
                       LANE
Ma'am?
                                                            
Mrs. Anderson eyes Lane for a moment, then slips by him,
moves the ironing board and bangs on the door.
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
CAL! CAL!, wake up, we're coming
in!
                                                            
Mrs. Anderson pulls the door open and looks in. Both her and
Lane recoil at the smell. She reaches inside and turns on
the light.

Laying face down in the middle of the floor in only his
white underwear is four hundred pound Cal Anderson, dead.

The cats are chewing on the fat rolls on his back. A T.V.
flickers in the corner showing porn. Flies cover the blood
next to his mouth.

Lane takes one look, vomits and runs back into the bedroom.
Mrs. Anderson frowns, turns and moves back next to Lane.
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
Well?
                                                            
Lane stares at her, eyes wide.
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
The smell?
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, well, uh, I think I've got
some bad news for you.
                                                            
 
EXT. ANDERSON MOBILE HOME - DAY
                                                            
Junior sits in the running Cadillac ready to go when the
front door of the mobile flies open.

Lane leaps through the door, over the porch and rolls

52.

through the tall grass. Right behind him is Mrs. Anderson
with a huge butcher knife.
                                                            
                       MRS. ANDERSON
I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A
BITCH! GET YOUR ASS OFF OF MY
PROPERTY! NO ONE TELLS ME HOW TO
KEEP MY HOUSE!
                                                            
Lane gets up and scampers into the car as Junior races away
down the street. Running his hand through his hair, Lane
puts the doo back in place.
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
So, how'ed it go?
                                                            
                       LANE
That woman tried to kill me! Just
because I told her we wouldn't pay
her claim.
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
Is that so?
                                                            
                       LANE
Her husband's been dead in there
for five days and all she wanted
to know was if we were going to
replace her carpet!
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
What'd you tell her?
                                                            
                       LANE
I said the policy didn't cover
loss by contaminants.
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
She didn't care for that, huh?
                                                            
                       LANE
No.
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
Amazing. Well, better get it
together. We're off to our next
appointment. Can't keep the
customers waiting.
                                                            
Lane stares wide eyed at Junior as he guns the engine and
races the car down the street.
                                                            
 

53.

INT. MOTT'S JAGUAR - DAY
                                                            
Rob and Mott both gulp down Bud Lights as they bomb down the
freeway. Wang Chung again blasts away from the car STEREO.
                                                            
                       MOTT
You did good kid, real good.
                                                            
                       ROB
I can't believe that's what you
guys do. Is it always like that?
                                                            
                       MOTT
Usually. Sometimes something big
comes in, like a fire or
explosion. But mostly, it's small
stuff like that.
      (grins at Rob)
So what do you think?
                                                            
                       ROB
I think it's totally awesome. So
what's next?
                                                            
Mott smiles and points to the next exit sign on the freeway,
"University of Washington-Sorority Housing."
                                                            
                       ROB
No way!
                                                            
SERIES OF SHOTS

-Mott and Rob stand in a communal shower. Mott repairs a
missing shower tile while Rob talks to several female
co-ed's in University of Washington towels. Mott gets one of
the girls to sign the comment card.
                                                            
-Lane is mauled by a pack of dogs outside another mobile
home while the owner, a good old boy with a huge gut and
shot gun, and Junior, both with 40 ounce beers, look on.
                                                            
-Mott and Rob pull up to Sugars Topless Adult Club. Inside
the club, Mott uses a power screwdriver from his case to
secure a brass dance pole while Rob and several topless
strippers look on. Once Mott finishes, two dancers try out
the pole, then force Rob to give it a try while Mott gets
the comment car signed.
                                                            
-Rob walks out through tattered blanket acting as a door in
yet another mobile home onto a wood deck extending over a
deep ravine.

A four hundred pound woman with curlers and an enormous

54.

stomach puts her cigarette in her mouth and points to the
other side of the deck. Rob gingerly walks towards the far
side of the deck, testing each step with his foot.

On his last step, the deck collapses. he falls through the
rotted wood, hits the ravine and tumbles hundreds of feet
down through sticker bushes.

Later, he climbs, scratched and bloody, back into Junior's
car. Junior grins as they drive off into the sunset.
                                                            
 
INT. FIELD STAFF OFFICES - NIGHT
                                                            
A bloody and battered Lane walks into the field staff
offices. He weaves over to a couch and collapses. Rob sits
at the bar with a cocktail watching ESPN. Seeing Lane, he
gets up and goes over, cocktail in hand.
                                                            
                       ROB
Whoa! Tough day, buddy?
                                                            
                       LANE
      (face to the
       cushion)
Go away.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (sits on the couch)
What the hell happened?
                                                            
                       LANE
I hate you.
                                                            
                       ROB
Come on, pal. Let's get out of
here and get a drink.
                                                            
                       LANE
Please die.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (gets off the
       couch)
Just need to drop off Mott's claim
reports with Doris. Meet you at
the truck.
                                                            
Rob walks off and leaves through the metal door. Lane
groans, stands up, and leave through a back door.
                                                            
 

55.

INT. CLAIMS DEPARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Rob walks through the semi dark claims department. Everyone
is gone for the day. He stops at Doris' desk and spots the
field staff IN-BOX behind her desk. He goes around and sees
several other REPORTS in the box.

He glances down at the reports in his hand. He looks at the
first page, the ESTIMATE SHEET. Below the heading it reads
PATRICIA KARLOCK with an address underneath. There is a
REPAIRS section which reads "Repair Custom Wrought Iron Pool
Fence and Gate. 35 hours x $100.00 per hour." At the bottom
is a TOTAL $3500.00. CIRCLED in red is written "Direct Pay
Alliance Fencing per Signed Work Authorization."

Rob furrows his brow, then looks at the next report. The
heading reads, "Sugars Entertainment Inc." The REPAIRS
section reads, "Replace Nine Foot Brass Dancing Pole- 12
hours labor @ $75.00 per hour = $900.00, Materials
$2400.00." At the bottom is a total $3300.00. CIRCLED in red
is written "Direct Pay Campolini Specialty Design per Signed
Work Authorization."

Rob quickly scans the final estimate. The heading reads
"Delta Delta Delta Sorority Inc. The REPAIRS section read
"Replace Tile Shower Enclosure 75 hours X $125.00 hours =
$9375.00. Materials $5,500.00." The TOTAL at the bottom
equals $14,875.00. Again circled in red is written "Direct
Pay Merlino Construction per Signed Work Authorization."

Rob continues to frown as he slowly places the paperwork in
the in-box, turns, and walks out of the building.
                                                            
 
INT. THREE BUCKS BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane and Rob sit at the bar. A sparse crowd occupies the
tables behind them. An old grizzled bartender leans against
the far end of the bar watching T.V. Lane downs a SHOT and
places the glass next to four others. Rob nurses a small
beer.
                                                            
                       ROB
Better take it easy, pal.
                                                            
                       LANE
I can't do this job, Rob, no way.
                                                            
                       LANE
Sure you can. You just had a bad
first day.
                                                            

56.

                       ROB
My boss hates me, why I don't
know. My trainer won't train me. I
haven't even looked at the manuals
I'm supposed to know and I'm
covered in scratches and bruises.
                                                            
                       ROB
A slight hiccup.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (glares at Rob)
I met a lady today whose bare ass
husband was dead on the floor with
her cats chewing his fat roll. You
know what she cared about, getting
her fucking carpet replaced!
                                                            
                       ROB
Could happen.
                                                            
                       LANE
I was mauled by a pack of crazy
dogs!
                                                            
                       ROB
Just a little bad luck.
                                                            
                       ROB
I fell a thousand feet down an
abyss!
                                                            
                       ROB
That could leave a mark. But look,
you survived. They threw
everything they had at you and
you're still standing. Don't let
them break you, Lane. This is your
dream job, you can't blow it now.
Besides, I need you.
                                                            
                       LANE
I can't do it.
                                                            
                       ROB
You can.
                                                            
They stare at each other, then Lane downs his next shot. As
he slams the glass down, he falls off his stool. The
bartender signals for Rob to leave. Rob nods.
                                                            

57.

                       ROB
Come on, buddy, I'll take you
home. Big day tomorrow, big golf
tournament.
                                                            
Lane leans on Rob with his arm around Rob's shoulder as they
walk out of the bar.
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
Golf tournament?
                                                            
 
EXT. LANE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane slams Rob's truck door and stumbles past his cemented
car as Rob roars away. He struggles at his door with his
keys, gets the door open and goes inside.
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
What the hell?
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Morning finds Lane sleeping on the floor next to his front
door again. The sound of a jack hammer rumbles through his
apartment. He slowly stirs, screams, then covers his ears to
defend against the noise.

As the jack hammering continues, a phone RINGS. Lane sits up
and looks around for his telephone. Scanning the room, he
grabs his head, fighting the hangover.

After a moment, he gets up, sighs, and looks over his head.
Everything in his apartment is now attached to the ceiling.
Nothing remains on the floor.

Lane stumbles to the kitchen and sees the ringing PHONE
attached to a table that is suspended over his head.

He opens a couple drawers to use as a ladder, climbs up, and
pulls the glued receiver off the base. He sits on the
counter top and puts the phone to his ear.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Uh, hello?
                                                            
                       RICH (os)
      (on the phone)
Lane, is that you? It's Rich
Arnold.
                                                            

58.

                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Yeah.
                                                            
                       RICH (os)
      (on the phone)
We have an emergency claim you
need to see this morning. A tree
took out part of a house. Can you
get there?
                                                            
Lane looks towards the street while the jack hammer ROARS,
followed by a car alarm going off.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
I think so.
                                                            
                       RICH (os)
      (on the phone)
Great. We're, uh, all at a golf
tournament, and you're the only
field guy available. Give Doris a
call for all the details. Thanks
Lane, you are really helping us
out.
                                                            
Lane nods his head and grins as he stands to hang up the
phone. When he tries to pull the receiver away from his
face, it doesn't move. The phone is now stuck to his face.

He fights it while standing on the counter, then launches
himself off the counter, hits his head on the suspended
refrigerator and falls to the floor.
                                                            
 
EXT. LANE'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Lane's now battered and dented car shimmy's down the street.
Several PEDESTRIANS shoot him a look.
                                                            
 
INT. LANES CAR - DAY
                                                            
Lane struggles with his tie while he checks out his bruised
and blotchy face in the rear view mirror. As he consults a
map, his cell phone RINGS.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Hello?
                                                            
 

59.

INT. HEALTH CLUB - DAY
                                                            
Mary Grace, in tight sweats, works the treadmill.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (on the phone)
Hi Lane, it's Mary Grace. Is this
a good time?
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
      (on the phone)
Uh, sure, Mary.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (on the phone)
So I was just checking to see if
we are still on for tonight?
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Lanes checks his bruises in the mirror.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Uh, yeah, sure Mary, great! So,
uh, when should I pick you up?
                                                            
 
INT. HEALTH CLUB - DAY
                                                            
Mary performs various provocative stretches in front of a
full wall mirror. Several MEN reflected in the mirror check
her out.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (on the phone)
How about six o'clock. I'm staying
at the Westin.
                                                            
 
INT. LANES CAR - DAY
                                                            
Lane pulls up to a large brick home. A huge tree has sliced
the house in half. A tree crew works cutting the tree up. A
fire truck and firemen hustle to secure the site. Lane
stares in awe at the devastation.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Sounds great, Mary, I'll see you
then.
                                                            

60.

Lane closes the phone, takes a deep breath, grabs his
briefcase, opens the door, and marches into the scene.
                                                            
 
INT. CULLER HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Lane stands in the rubble that is JOLENE CULLER'S bedroom.
Culler, mid 30's, thin, large chest, strawberry hair,
snuggles at Lane's elbow. Together they review some
paperwork.
                                                            
                       LANE
As you see here, Ms. Culler, your
policy will pay for you to stay at
a hotel until your bedroom repairs
are complete.
                                                            
                       JOLENE
      (flirty)
Will you come, at the hotel?
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, if you have any issues come up
during the repairs, I'd be happy
to meet with you to discuss them.
                                                            
Lane slowly tries to separate himself from Jolene. She
continues to hang on his arm as he moves towards the bedroom
door.
                                                            
                       LANE
So anyway, you have the names I
gave you for several qualified
contractors. Are there any other
question you have at this time?
                                                            
                       JOLENE
Do I pay you or the contractor? I
can't quite remember from my last
claim how it works?
                                                            
Lane gives her a confused look.
                                                            
                       JOLENE
You know, the retention fee.
                                                            
                       LANE
Retention fee?
                                                            
                       JOLENE
The last guy showed me the
section, you know, in my policy.
If I want preferred status with my
adjuster and one of your
            (MORE)

61.

                       JOLENE (cont'd)
contractors, I could pay a
retention fee.
      (thinks a beat)
Wait, I remember how it worked!
The fee was added to my claim
payment, then I would get billed
later. That's what it was! Let's
do that, just add it to my
payment.
                                                            
Lane stares at her a moment, turns, and walks out of the
room.
                                                            
 
EXT. WHEATLAND BUILDING - NIGHT
                                                            
Dusk approaches as Lane pulls his wrecked car into a field
staff slot. Parked next to him is a brand new Lexus
convertible. Lane admires the Lexus then hustles inside.
                                                            
 
INT. CLAIMS DEPARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane walks through a deserted semi lit claims department to
his desk. A CLOCK on the wall reads 5:15. He throws his
briefcase down with a BANG. Instantly he hears a SCREAM,
then a MOAN.

Lane looks around and spots the top of a FERN shaking behind
a row of low file cabinets. He tip toes over. Just as he
reaches the cabinets, Amber's head pops up from the other
side. Her face flush and hair tousled.

A second later Rob's head appears, his hair pulled in all
directions. A large bra hangs around his neck. Lane stares.
                                                            
                       ROB
Oh hey, buddy.
                                                            
Amber spots Lane and quickly ducks down.
                                                            
                       AMBER (os)
      (whispers)
Oh my God!
                                                            
Lane grins.
                                                            
                       LANE
So what's happening here, Rob?
                                                            

62.

                       ROB
I was just giving Amber some
insights into our new field staff
duties.
                                                            
                       LANE
I see. That so, Amber?
                                                            
                       AMBER (os)
Yes Lane.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (smirk)
Alright then. Well, I've got some
work at my desk to get to. You two
have a nice evening now, ya hear.
                                                            
Lane walks off back to his desk. Rob stands up all the way,
his pants down around his knees. Amber half stands trying to
cover her breasts. She grabs her bra from around Rob's neck,
accidentally pulling Rob into her ample chest.
                                                            
                       ROB
Whoa!
                                                            
                       AMBER
Dammit, Rob, hand it over!
                                                            
She gives the bra another hard yank, throwing Rob to the
ground as the bra comes free. Amber kicks Rob while he's
down, then stomps off.
                                                            
LANE'S DESK
                                                            
Lane pulls a file from another cabinet and walks back to his
desk. While he scans the file, Rob wanders up tucking in his
shirt.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (still looking at
       the file)
You gonna explain that one?
                                                            
                       ROB
What? Amber?
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, yeah!
                                                            
                       ROB
No big deal. She was our fourth in
the tournament today.
                                                            

63.

                       LANE
Amber golfs?
                                                            
                       ROB
Not to save her life.
                                                            
Lane gives Rob a sideways glance, doubting Rob's bullshit
story.
                                                            
                       ROB
Alright. I asked her to go. Said
it would be good exposure for her
and all with the field guys.
                                                            
                       LANE
You're unbelievable!
                                                            
                       ROB
Almost got to the promised land,
until you wandered in here, dumb
shit. What the hell are you doing
here, anyway?
                                                            
                       LANE
      (points to the
       file)
Take a look at this estimate.
                                                            
Rob frowns, then looks at the file. He runs his finger down
a page labeled ESTIMATE. The last entry reads "RETENTION FEE
$750.00." Rob looks back to Lane, puzzled.
                                                            
                       LANE
I don't know what it is either?
What I do know is that there are
two check requests in here. One to
my customer, Ms. Culler for the
amount of the bid and a second one
payable to Foresite Contractors
for $750.00. Only thing is,
there's no signed work
authorization, no direct pay
notice, no nothing.
                                                            
                       ROB
So?
                                                            
                       LANE
Wait a minute, let me show you
something else.
                                                            

64.

Lane rummages through his briefcase while Rob uses his own
spit to try and plaster his hair down. Lanes notices this
move.
                                                            
                       LANE
Are you fucking kidding me?
                                                            
                       ROB
What, cats do it?
                                                            
                       LANE
OK, here we go. Take a look at
these comment cards.
      (hands the card to
       Rob)
These cards are printed on carbon
paper. When someone signs it,
there are two copies of the
signature. Only look here.
      (Rob get in close)
On the second page, there's an
additional section right above the
signature transfer. See what it
says there.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (squinting)
Uh, something about rights, or
releases, or, uh?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (grabs the card)
Jesus! By permission of the
undersigned, Wheatland Property
and Casualty Company is authorized
to pay direct the contractor of
record.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (bewildered)
How about that.
                                                            
                       LANE
Are you really that dumb?
                                                            
                       ROB
Well?
                                                            
                       LANE
Rob, these field guys are stealing
from the company, don't you get
it?
                                                            

65.

                       ROB
Now that I think about it, I did
see Mott submit three claims for
direct payments to contractors
totalling over forty thousand
dollars.
                                                            
                       LANE
Were they legit claims, with real
damage?
                                                            
 
EXT. WHEATLAND BUILDING - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane and Rob walk out towards Lane's car. The parking area
is lit by overhead streetlights. The Lexus shines next to
Lane's battered Plymouth.
                                                            
                       LANE
So you're telling me there was no
damage at all, at any of your
claims?
                                                            
                       ROB
Oh, there was damage.
                                                            
                       LANE
Right, but Mott fixed everything
using his little black bag, then
had the customers sign the comment
card.
                                                            
                       ROB
That's it.
                                                            
While Lane considers this information, Rob veers off and
heads towards the Lexus.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (stops and stares)
What do you think you're doing?
                                                            
                       ROB
What?
                                                            
                       LANE
That sweet ride, what's up with
that?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (playing it cool)
Oh, this little number, it's mine.
                                                            

66.

                       LANE
Bull, come on, is that your uncles
or something?
                                                            
                       ROB
This is mine, buddy, I won it
today at the golf tournament.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (walks over to the
       car)
No way.
                                                            
                       ROB
Million to one shot, Lane, you
wouldn't believe it!
                                                            
Lane looks at Rob, puzzled.
                                                            
                       ROB
You know those par three holes,
get a hole in one, win a big
prize.
                                                            
                       LANE
Yeah?
                                                            
                       ROB
I nailed it, 185 yards. Right in
the hole, on the fly, whole place
went wild.
                                                            
                       LANE
I can't believe it! Who sponsored
the hole?
                                                            
                       ROB
Uh..let me think? It was a
contractor. Megoto? Members?
Merlino? Yeah, that's it, Merlino
Contractors. Great guys. I think
the owner actually is the one who
gave me the keys.
                                                            
                       LANE
Amazing. A brand new Lexus.
                                                            
                       ROB
The amazing part is I'm not the
first person to do it. Practically
every guy on the field staff has
won a car. Even Gavin snagged a
Mercedes.
      (gets in the car)
            (MORE)

67.

                       ROB (cont'd)
Better get going, buddy, you don't
want to be late for your date.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (looks at his
       watch)
Oh crap! Yeah, see ya.
                                                            
 
EXT. WESTIN HOTEL - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane pulls the battered Horizon up to the valet. The VALET
sighs, slowly walks around, wrenches the driver's door open,
lets Lane out and hands him a ticket.
                                                            
                       LANE
Keep it close, I'll be right back.
                                                            
Lane hustles up stairs while the valet pulls the car away. A
second after Lane goes in, a CRASH of metal causes several
other people at the entrance to stare towards the noise.
                                                            
 
INT. HOTEL - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane runs through the lobby as he checks his watch. He stops
at the elevators, impatiently tapping his foot as he stares
at the slow moving floor indicator.

The doors finally open and Lane tries to go in, but is
blocked by several huge Italian men in dark suits exiting.
After they clear, he gets in and hits the button for the
ninth floor.
                                                            
 
INT. ROOM 969 - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane sprints down the hall and stops at the door. He takes a
deep breath, puts the hair back in place and knocks.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE (os)
Yes?
                                                            
                       LANE
It's Lane, Lane Jette.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE (os)
Lane?
                                                            

68.

                       LANE
Yes, Lane, I'm really sorry I'm
late. Some... stuff... came up at
work. Can I come in?
                                                            
Lane hears a chain being removed, then the door cracks open
a little. Lane peeks through the crack.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE (os)
Come on in, Lane, I'll be just a
minute. Make yourself at home.
                                                            
Lane pushes the door open. Soft MUSIC plays on the radio. He
walks into the dimly lit room.

On his left is the bathroom entrance, the door slightly
ajar. Lane spies Mary Grace reflected in the mirror wearing
a revealing robe, putting on mascara. As she leans closer to
the mirror, the robe slips open giving Lane a shot at her
breasts.

Lane quickly moves further into the room.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
There's some scotch next to the
ice bucket, help yourself.
                                                            
Lane finds the scotch and pours two glasses. Next to the ice
bucket is a briefcase. Lane spots a FILE in the case with
"WHEATLAND" written on the front.

After taking a quick look back towards the bathroom, Lane
opens the file. Inside are several black and white
surveillance PHOTOGRAPHS of Mott Dietrick, Junior Biggins,
Gavin Blake and Gino Merlino.

Behind Lane, Mary Grace walks out of the bathroom in a
striking little black dress.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
What are you doing in my
briefcase, Lane?
                                                            
Lane quickly closes the briefcase lid, turns around and
grabs the two scotches.
                                                            
                       LANE
I, uh, well, I dropped an ice cube
in there. I was trying to pick it
up.
                                                            
Mary Grace eyes Lane suspiciously, walks over, slugs down
her scotch and picks up her purse.
                                                            

69.

                       MARY GRACE
Come on, James Bond, let's go.
                                                            
 
EXT. WESTIN HOTEL - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane holds the hotel door open for Mary Grace while she
messes with her hair. The same valet stares at Mary, then
over to Lane, in awe at Lane's date. Lane hands the valet
his ticket.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I got stuck at work too, so no
worries.
                                                            
                       LANE
Where would you like to go?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I kind of have a hankering for
Icelandic food.
                                                            
                       LANE
You like Icelandic food too?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (big smile)
I do.
                                                            
                       LANE
I know just the place.
      (Lane's car
       arrives)
Here we go.
                                                            
The valet opens the passenger door and slides out. Lane
hustles down the stairs to his car and holds the door for
Mary.

After she's in, he runs around to his side and stops. The
entire drivers side is smashed in. Lane tries to pull open
the door, but the handle comes off.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
You coming, Lane?
                                                            
Lane runs back over to the passenger side.
                                                            
                       LANE
My, uh, door is stuck.
      (gestures to his
       seat)
Do you mind?
                                                            

70.

Mary Grace nods her approval and leans back a little. Lane
hesitates, then climbs in over the top of Mary, at one point
straddling her.

Finally, he gets into his seat and drives away. As the car
recedes down the street, Gavin Blake steps out from behind a
post. Staring at Lane's car, he pulls a cell phone from his
pocket and makes a call.
                                                            
 
INT. ICELANDIC RESTAURANT - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace share a private booth. Seafaring
trinkets cover the walls and ceiling. Two huge beer pitchers
fill the table.
                                                            
                       WAITRESS
Here's your appetizer. Enjoy.
                                                            
The waitress sets a butcher knife, forks, and a large tray
with a squid carcass dripping blood onto the table.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (and Mary together)
NICE!
                                                            
Both dig in with gusto, hacking up the squid and stuffing
tentacles in their mouths.
                                                            
ICELANDIC RESTAURANT LATER
                                                            
The waitress puts down two more pitchers of dark beer and
picks up the now empty squid platter.
                                                            
                       WAITRESS
You're en-trees will be ready in a
minute.
                                                            
                       LANE
Thank you.
                                                            
Lane fills both their steins with beer.
                                                            
                       LANE
So you were saying?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
When I saw you looking in my
briefcase, I knew you had figured
out what I was working on.
                                                            

71.

                       LANE
I wasn't trying to snoop, honest.
The file was right next to the
scotch.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
The fact is, Lane, I wanted you to
see it. I'm tired of trying hide
what I'm doing from you.
                                                            
                       LANE
I understand I guess. I mean,
well, I think we like each other,
Mary.
      (Mary blushes)
And if we want this to go
anywhere, we need to be honest
with each other.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (grabs Lane's hand)
Oh Lane, I'm so happy to hear you
say that!
                                                            
                       LANE
The problem I see though, is how
can I work with the very people
you have been sent to investigate.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
You haven't done anything wrong,
Lane, you're not part of this.
                                                            
                       LANE
I just hope your bosses see it
that way when the hammer comes
down, you know?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I'm not really sure when that will
be. The truth is, I don't have
much yet. However these field
staff guys and contractors are
scamming the company, I haven't
been able to crack it.
                                                            
                       LANE
You know, I may have something
that could...
                                                            
Lane gets cut off as the waitress returns and puts a plate
with a sharks fin in front of Mary and a stuffed sheep's
head, complete with eyeballs, in front of Lane.
                                                            

72.

                       MARY GRACE
You were saying?
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, nothing.
                                                            
 
INT. TAXI CAB - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace snuggle in the back of the cab. Both are
drunk. A turbaned driver glances at them in the rear view
mirror.
                                                            
                       LANE
Sorry about the cab. I just don't
like to drink and drive.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (giggly)
You're so responsible!
                                                            
                       LANE
Always have been I guess.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
So what now, Mr. Manners.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (surprised)
Well, uh, how about a night cap?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (flirty)
At your place?
                                                            
The driver raises his eyebrows at Lane.
                                                            
 
EXT. LANE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace stumble out of the cab and weave to his
front door. As Lane fumbles with the key, Mary Grace pulls
him into a full embrace. They separate and share a look of
lust. Lane kicks the door open and they rush inside. The
door slams shut.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE (os)
Wow! Interesting decor!
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
Oh shit, I forgot!
                                                            

73.

                       MARY GRACE (os)
Where's the bed, big boy?
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
Watch your head!
                                                            
Grunts and groans carry out into the night, followed by a
huge CRASH and a loud female SCREAM.
                                                            
 
EXT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
A tow truck dumps Lane's car unceremoniously in his parking
spot and drives off. From inside Lane's apartment, a phone
RINGS.
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace both lay naked dead to the world asleep
on Lane's mattress. Surrounding them are shattered remnants
of his bed frame and ceiling debris.

As the phone RINGS, Lane rolls off the bed onto a piece of
lath ceiling complete with sharp NAILS.
                                                            
                       LANE
AAAGGGHHH!
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace both wake up. Lane notices his nudity,
looks around and rips down the window blinds. He quickly
puts his head through the slates on the top, looks down and
notices his penis sticking out.

He quickly turns the twist handle to close the blind. Now
standing with the closed blind around his neck, he looks
back to Mary Grace.

Mary has put on Lane's shirt from the night before and sits
staring around the room.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
My God, what happened?
                                                            
Lane strategically walks past Mary Grace in search of the
still ringing phone.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (rubbing his head)
I'm not sure. Jesus, my head
hurts.
                                                            

74.

Lane get to his kitchen area, ducks behind the upside down
refrigerator, dumps the blind and re-emerges with an apron
on. The apron has a life size picture of a Boy Scout with
his hands spread out at the waist. A slogan reads "How can I
serve you?"

He pulls out the drawers, climbs up and answers the
suspended phone, his ASS peeking out from the apron. MARY
GRACE smiles.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Uh, hello?
                                                            
                       ROB (os)
      (on the phone)
Lane, where the hell are you?
                                                            
Mary Grace walks into the kitchen and looks up at Lane on
the counter top. Lane tucks the apron tight between his
legs. Mary Grace puts her hand on his ANKLE and starts
moving up.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Oh boy. Uh, I'm at home, why?
                                                            
 
EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - DAY
                                                            
Rob stands in front of a sign for the King County
Fairgrounds, stretching and talking on a pay phone.

He sports tiny nylon running shorts that fail to hide his
member and a sweat stained Wang Chung concert tank top.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
You gotta get down here, you're
the only one that hasn't shown up
yet!
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
What are you talking about, where
are you?
                                                            
 

75.

EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - DAY
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
I'm at the fairgrounds, the field
staff fund raiser tournament is
today!
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
      (on the phone)
I didn't hear about any
fundraiser?
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
Just get down here, fast. I'll
cover for you.
                                                            
Rob hangs up the phone, does a couple deep knees bends and
jogs back through the fair gate.
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane hangs up the phone, sighs, and looks down. Mary Grace
has moved her hand up under his apron. His erection pokes
the apron out at the pants zipper of the Boy Scout picture.
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh oh.
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace share lovers smiles as they pull into
the parking area of the fairgrounds.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
You sure it's OK I came with you?
                                                            
                       LANE
I don't see why not. It's a fund
raiser. Plus, it's Saturday. Why
can't I go out with my girl on a
Saturday?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (smiling)
I like that sound of that.
                                                            
                       LANE
Come on, lets go.
                                                            

76.

Mary Grace opens the door and gets out, followed by Lane,
who has to crawl out the passenger door.
                                                            
 
EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - DAY
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace walk past the fairgrounds sign where Rob
made his call from. Holding hands, they look around.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I don't see anybody. What kind of
fundraiser is this anyway?
                                                            
                       LANE
All I know is Rob said some sort
of tournament.
                                                            
Looking ahead, the pair spot a group of people round a
corner of a building.
                                                            
                       LANE
Come on, let's try over here.
                                                            
They walk past the corner of the building to find a huge
white circus type tent. Suddenly, a chorus of trumpets blare
from the tent. The couple share looks of questioning concern
as they head over towards the tent entrance.
                                                            
 
INT. TENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace peek inside to find hundreds of people
milling around. Surrounding a large arena are several fair
type booths hawking wares and services. Each booth sports a
medieval theme manned by costumed hawkers.
                                                            
SERIES OF SHOTS


-BOOTH ADVERTISING "FREE BLOODLETTING WITH A DOZEN LEACHES"

-BOOTH TOUTING "FIT INTO THIS YEARS CORSET WITH A NEW
TAPEWORM!"

-BOOTH HAWKING "GRISTLE ON THE BONE, TWO FOR ONE!"

-BOOTH NAMED "WENCHES ARE US. BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!"
                                                            
While they take in the spectacle, Rob walks up decked out in
a chain mail complete with cod piece and armored boots.
                                                            

77.

                       ROB
About time you got here. Hi, Mary
Grace. My, aren't you glowing.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (gestures at Rob's
       costume)
You look like a prison fence.
                                                            
                       ROB
What, this?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Kinda cute, if you ask me.
                                                            
                       LANE
Hey now, easy girl.
                                                            
                       ROB
Buddy, you need to hurry and get
your mail on. The prelims are in a
few minutes.
                                                            
                       LANE
Prelims, what prelims?
                                                            
                       ROB
The jousting tournament. Come on,
don't tell me you don't know?
                                                            
                       LANE
      (nervous)
Know what?
                                                            
                       ROB
This is Gavin Blake's baby. The
field staff fund raiser is
legendary. Every year almost half
of all the proceeds go to local
charities. This is right up your
alley! If you were looking to get
on Gavin's good side, you can't do
better than right now!
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Jousting? Sounds kind of
dangerous, Rob?
                                                            
                       ROB
Look at my get up. All the guys
have the best safety equipment.
There's no chance anyone could get
hurt.
      (looks at Lane)
            (MORE)

78.

                       ROB (cont'd)
Follow me, Lane, I'll show you
where to gear up. Oh, and Mary,
the, well, uh, significant others,
are requested to get into costume
as well. I'll have Amber set you
up. Come on, let's go.
                                                            
Rob leads Lane and Mary Grace through a screened off area.
Standing at the "Grog and Gruel Pub", Gavin, Junior and Gino
eye the group as they disappear behind the screen.
                                                            
                       JUNIOR
What the hell is Jette doing here?
I sure didn't tell him about this.
That fucking scout is trouble for
us.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
I had Rob invite him.
                                                            
                       GINO
You know who the smoking skirt is,
don't you?
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Deputy attorney general. Part of
that damn white collar task force
that's been sniffing up our asses.
                                                            
                       GINO
What are you thinking, bringing
her in here? We got enough fucking
trouble!
                                                            
                       GAVIN
      (fires up a cigar)
Relax, trust me. After Mott gets
through with that kid, I don't
think we'll have anything more to
worry about.
                                                            
 
INT. TENT LATER - DAY
                                                            
Rob and Lane argue from behind a tall SCREEN.
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
No way, Rob, I'm not going out
there in this get up.
                                                            

79.

                       ROB (os)
Stop being such a pussy, all the
guys are doing it.
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
Ain't gonna happen!
                                                            
                       ROB (os)
Pussy, pussy, pussy. A quivering,
virgin, peach fuzz, never been
pricked, pussy!
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
Do you really want me to die?
                                                            
                       ROB (os)
      (big sigh)
Well, OK fine. I'll back off.
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
Thank you.
                                                            
                       ROB (os)
      (quietly)
Pussy.
                                                            
The screen starts rocking.
                                                            
                       LANE
HEY!
                                                            
Suddenly, Lane stumbles out from behind the screen and
bounces off Amber and Mary Grace standing with their backs
to him.

Lane now sports a way too small tight chain mail with a tiny
cod piece.

The two girls turn around, revealing both in full wench
wear, complete with tight low cut bustiers and high slit
skirts.
                                                            
                       AMBER
      (points at the cod
       piece)
Oh my!
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Trust me, there's more to THAT
story.
                                                            
The ladies share understanding smiles. Rob comes back out
from the screen
                                                            

80.

                       ROB
Let's go, buddy, the prelims are
already under way.
                                                            
The group all look out to the arena. The crowds have
gathered at the edge.

Inside, two fully armored participants race towards each
other separated by the low wall. Each has a long lance in
one hand and a shield in the other.

Both race their horses at full speed and smash their lances
into each other.

One rider blocks the blow with his shield while the other
takes the hit square in the chest knocking him off his
horse, unconscious.
                                                            
                       LANE
DID YOU SEE THAT!
                                                            
                       ROB
Awesome.
                                                            
                       AMBER
Too cool!
                                                            
As Lane and Mary Grace share a look of terror, the still
standing contestant rides over. On his arrival, Mott raises
the face plate on this helmet and smiles down at the ladies.
                                                            
                       MOTT
Not my best effort, but it got the
job done.
                                                            
                       AMBER
      (gushing)
It's you Mott! Wow, that was
fantastic. I've never seen
anything like it.
                                                            
                       MOTT
I'm gonna need some help getting
out of my mail later. Think you
could give me a hand, Amber?
                                                            
                       AMBER
Of course! I'd love to.
                                                            
Out in the arena, a horse drawn wagon arrives and four large
medieval costumed guards pick up the lifeless armored loser
and toss him with a CLANG into the wagon bed. The wagon

81.

starts up and leaves the arena. The crowd claps in respect
for the fallen warrior.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
So you're Mott Dietrick
                                                            
                       MOTT
The one and only.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Is he going to be all right?
                                                            
                       MOTT
Him, oh yeah. He'll be fine. Just
a little scratch.
      (point to Lane)
Ready to ride, Jette? Got to get a
run in before the big melee.
                                                            
                       AMBER
You have to try it, Lane, you have
to!
                                                            
                       LANE
Are you kidding me? I think he
killed that last guy. No way I'm
getting in there!
                                                            
                       ROB
Way to hang tough, buddy.
                                                            
                       AMBER
How about you, Rob?
                                                            
                       ROB
Oh, no can do, Amber. Tender
coccus. One bad fall and it's all
over.
                                                            
                       MOTT
Looks like you're it, Lane. Gavin
loves to see his guys get
involved. And remember, this is a
charity event. It's all about the
kids, pal.
                                                            
Lane is conflicted. While he considers his options, Mary
Grace pulls him away from the others.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (quiet voice)
Lane, don't do it. You could
really get hurt.
                                                            

82.

                       LANE
This is my chance to get on
Gavin's good side. I don't know
where your investigation is going,
Mary, but I've never been a
quitter. I want this job, and if
the only way to keep it and get
some respect is to ride a horse
for a couple minutes, well, then,
that's what I'm going to do.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (hugs Lane)
Oh Lane, please be careful,
please.
                                                            
                       LANE
No worries, wench. I'll kick his
ass!
      (to Mott)
I'm in, where do I armor up?
                                                            
Amber claps and Rob grins as he leads Lane over to a
stationary set of armor. Mott gives the ladies a final
smile, then turns and gallops off.
                                                            
 
INT. ARENA - DAY
                                                            
Trumpets ring out as the crowd around the arena roars. An
ANNOUNCER in a gladiator outfit holds a microphone.
                                                            
                       ANNOUNCER
Ladies and Gentleman. Welcome to
the Wheatland Insurance Property
and Casualty Company annual
charity event!
      (crowd goes wild)
Now, get ready for the final
individual joust of the day!
      (more cheering)
First up, ten time champion and
currently world record holder for
the most inflicted falls, Mott
Dietrick!
                                                            
Mott sits atop a huge horse that wears armor matching his.
He waves to the adoring crowd.
                                                            
                       ANNOUNCER
And now the challenger!
      (consults a piece
       of paper)
He's a former Eagle Scout,
            (MORE)

83.

                       ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
volunteer reader for the blind and
a church deacon. Ladies and
gentlemen, Mr. Lane Jette!
                                                            
Lane goes bombing across the arena on a over-sized donkey,
complete with huge ears. Lane struggles in his armor to
control the beast. Several handlers run out and grab the
reins.
                                                            
                       ANNOUNCER (os)
I see Lane's chosen a wild ass
today. Hope he can tame that
mount!
                                                            
Mott gets in position and grabs his lance and shield.
Meanwhile, the handlers are struggling to control Lane's
donkey.

Finally, they calm the beast enough to give Lane his lance
and small shield with a Wang Chung crest. From the rail,
Gavin and Gino share evil grins.
                                                            
                       ANNOUNCER
It looks like we're ready! On your
mark, get set, GO!
                                                            
All in slow motion, the crowd, including Amber and Rob jump
up and down as the combatants start their charges.

Mott flips down his face plate, crouches down and kicks his
horse in gear.

Lane's mule leaps forward with Lane hanging on for dear
life. Both men cover the yards between them, raising their
lances to prepare for impact.

Meanwhile, Amber leaps higher and higher, pushing herself up
using Robs shoulders. As she comes down, the large button on
her top containing her straining chest hits Rob on the top
of his head.

The button flies off unleashing her breasts. Rob's eyes are
immediately drawn to her chest while Amber panics and bends
down with her head below his waist.

Rob leaps up, then down again and the top of Amber's head
catches his cod piece sending it flying up.

Both Amber and Rob watch it sail. Back in the arena, Lane
and Mott are closing fast.

Mott's eyes stare through the slit in his HELMET when the

84.

flying BUTTON smacks him on the side of his head.
Momentarily stunned, Mott lowers his lance so the TIP is
next to the ground.

A split second later the COD PIECE lands in the dirt in
front of Mott's horse. The horse step on the piece and
starts to slip. As Mott and horse go down, Lane slams the
end of his lance into Mott's head.

Lane's lance shatters and Lane and donkey fly over the now
totally flattened Mott and horse. Back at full speed, the
crowd goes crazy.
                                                            
                       ANNOUNCER
      (yelling)
AMAZING, AMAZING! MOTT DIETRICK IS
DOWN, I REPEAT, MOTT DIETRICK IS
DOWN! A NEW CHAMPION IS BORN!
UNBELIEVABLE!
                                                            
The gates on the sides of the arena crash open as the crowd
surges in.

Rob, Mary Grace and Amber rush over to a still struggling
Lane.

Rob pulls Lane off the mule and to the ground. The ladies
and Rob hoist him up on their shoulders and start parading
him around.

At the same time, Gavin and Gino stand over the knocked out
Mott. Gavin gives him a kick in the armor.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Mott, get up, dammit!
                                                            
                       GINO
Great plan there, Gavin, just
brilliant. That kid is going to be
more confident than ever now.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
      (kicking Mott's
       head)
MOTT! MOTT! COME ON, WAKE UP!
                                                            
As the men continue to attend to Mott, the horse wagon
arrives and they load Mott into the back. Mott's horse
stands nearby and is led away. Gavin looks back and sees
Lane's celebration.
                                                            
 

85.

INT. ARENA LATER - NIGHT
                                                            
Long tables run the length of the arena. Each table holds
dozens of loud, drunk revelers in various costumes. Buxom
waitresses carry pitchers of beer and huge trays of large
greasy chicken wings and drumsticks out to the tables.
                                                            
Rob, Amber, Mary Grace and Lane each have heaping plates of
chicken and large steins of beer in front of them, all their
faces covered in grease.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
This is high living!
                                                            
                       LANE
A veritable potpourri of palatable
pleasure!
                                                            
                       AMBER
Is this a hen or a cock?
                                                            
                       ROB
I need more breast!
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (raising her stein)
Here's to the conquering hero!
                                                            
The entire table raises their steins, clinks them, and
drains all the beer. Rich Arnold arrives and pulls a chair
up next to Lane.
                                                            
                       RICH
Great job today, Lane. I'm proud
of you.
                                                            
                       LANE
Thank you, sir.
                                                            
                       RICH
Amber mentioned you wanted to talk
to me about some information you
have concerning the field staff.
                                                            
                       LANE
Yes, there's something me and Mary
Grace would like to discuss with
you.
                                                            
                       RICH
Mary Grace?
                                                            
Lane nods towards Mary Grace. Rich gives a tentative smile.
                                                            

86.

                       LANE
She's a friend of mine. I'd like
her to be part of our
conversation, if you don't mind.
                                                            
                       RICH
      (getting up to
       leave)
Uh, sure, Lane. Let's meet, say,
in an hour, at the Lancers Nest
lounge.
                                                            
                       LANE
Sounds good, see you then.
                                                            
 
EXT. LANCERS NEST LOUNGE - NIGHT
                                                            
Lane, Mary Grace, Amber and Rob stroll up to the Lancers
Nest. Flaming cauldrons border either side of the large oak
door. Costumed customers go in and out.
                                                            
                       ROB
You sure you don't want us to go
in with you?
                                                            
                       LANE
We're good. It's been a long day.
You two should think about calling
it a night.
                                                            
                       AMBER
      (snuggles up to
       Rob)
I like the sound of that. Did my
little knight bring his lance with
him?
                                                            
                       ROB
Come on, lets go have our own
little melee, Amber. Good night
you two. And Lane, good luck.
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace say good night and go inside the pub.
                                                            
 
INT. LANCERS NEST - NIGHT
                                                            
Blazing fireplaces surround a dark lounge area. Lane and
Mary Grace huddle at a small table next to a fire. Both have
half empty beers. The place is mostly deserted.
                                                            

87.

                       LANE
      (upset)
What are you talking about, Mary?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Lane, if what you're telling me is
true, Rob could very well be as
guilty as the rest of them.
                                                            
                       LANE
He just started. He wouldn't have
even had a chance to get any
kickbacks yet!
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
What about the new Lexus? Hole in
one contest? Come on, Lane, you're
smart enough to not believe that
one.
                                                            
Lane, clearly frustrated, contemplates his next move, As
Mary takes a drink, the pub door opens and Rich Arnold comes
in. He looks into the dim searching for Lane.
                                                            
                       LANE
Oh boy, he's here.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
What are you going to do, Lane?
I've got to make a move on this
and I don't have much time.
                                                            
 
INT. LANCERS NEST-LATER - NIGHT
                                                            
Rich, Mary Grace and Lane all stand at their table. Rich is
leaving.
                                                            
                       RICH
Thanks for the drink, Lane. Not
sure why we couldn't talk about
your health benefits at the
office. Of course, proper dental
care is important.
      (hold his hand out
       for Mary Grace to
       shake)
Nice to meet you too, Mary. Well,
good night.
                                                            
They watch Rich leave, then Mary Grace turns to Lane, hands
on her hips, angry.
                                                            

88.

                       MARY GRACE
Health benefits, Lane?
                                                            
                       LANE
I can't give you what you need
Mary, not if it means burying Rob,
I won't do it.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Then you should have never said to
me what you did, Lane.
      (starts to leave)
Because I'm going to nail these
bastards, with or without you!
                                                            
                       LANE
      (grabs her arm)
Mary, wait! What are you saying?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Look, Lane, I like you, I think we
could really be something special
together. But I need a man who's
strong, who's not afraid to take
on something bigger than himself.
The people I'm investigating, they
have to be stopped and I'll do
what ever it takes to make that
happen, even if it means the end
of us. Good bye, Lane.
                                                            
Lane watches Mary Grace storm out, then sits and stares at
his beer. Watching from the bar in the mirror behind the
counter is Gavin Blake.
                                                            
 
EXT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane's smashed car sits outside his apartment. A box van
reading "Seattle Times, Sunday's Guilty Pleasure" pulls up
and a newspaper sails from the van, breaking Lane's front
window. The van takes off, creasing the rear bumper of
Lane's car and flattening the tire.
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane sleeps in his chain mail on his mattress surrounded by
the ceiling debris. The PHONE RINGS. Lane stirs and tries to
stand, but the small mail restricts his movements.

Finally, he gets up, walk to the kitchen, climb the drawers,
grabs the PHONE and puts the receiver to his face.
                                                            

89.

                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Hello?
                                                            
 
INT. ROB'S KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Rob sports a short red Wang Chung concert tee shirt over a
pair of leopard boxers as he fries bacon in a pan, kicking
up a smoke storm.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
Hey, boyo! How'd it go last night
with Mary?
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Lane scratches his cod piece.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone)
Uh, not so good, pal.
                                                            
                       ROB (os)
      (on the phone)
Sorry to hear that, buddy.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (sighs, on the
       phone)
Yeah. So, what's up, Rob?
                                                            
 
INT. ROB'S KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Amber walks in wearing a matching tee shirt to Rob's and
gives him a little kiss. Rob pats her ass.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
Amber and I were going to check
out the 80's revival down at the
Seattle Center this afternoon.
Seeing if you wanted to come
along?
                                                            
                       LANE (os)
      (on the phone)
Oh, I don't know, Rob?
                                                            

90.

                       ROB
      (on the phone)
Come on, buddy. Jack Hue's gonna
make an appearance. Plus they got
cover groups for practically every
arena band from back then. You
know, OMD, Pet Shop Boys, Winger,
all the biggies!
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Lane tries to hop out of his chain mail pants.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (on the phone,
       depressed)
Thanks, Rob, really. I think I'm
just going to hang out today, kind
of take break after the busy work
week and the lancing and all.
                                                            
 
INT. ROB'S KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Rob's face reflects his concern for his friend.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (on the phone)
Well, OK, Lane, if that's what you
want. I'll check in with you
later...OK, bye.
                                                            
                       AMBER
Everything all right?
                                                            
                       ROB
I'm not sure, Amber, I'm just not
sure.
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane hangs up the phone and picks up the paper at the door.
He opens it and reads the headline "Attorney General to
Crack Down on White Collar Crime."

Below the headline is the caption "Local Contractors and
Insurance Companies under Investigation." Lane sighs and
hangs his head.
                                                            
 

91.

EXT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane, now out of his chain mail, leaves his apartment. He
walks out and looks with dismay at his destroyed car. He
spots the bus stop and starts walking towards it.
                                                            
SERIES OF SHOTS


-LANE WALKS PAST ROMA'S HOUSE AND HEARS ROMA AND PALMA
ARGUING. LANE GRINS AT THE EXCHANGE.
                                                            
                       ROMA (OS)
There's no way you're old enough
to travel to Nigeria! I don't care
how many airplanes this man has!
                                                            
                       PALMA (OS)
Not airplanes, Ma, an airline! He
owns an airline. This is a bunch
of fucking bullshit!
                                                            
-LANE WALKS PAST ROB'S APARTMENT. HE SMILES AT THE WANG
CHUNG MAIL BOX AND DOOR MAT.

-LANE STROLLS PAST THE ICELANDIC RESTAURANT AND TAKES NOTE
OF THE SPECIAL OF THE DAY "BLOODY OX TAIL AND TONGUE."


-NOW NIGHT TIME, LANE CATCHES SIGHT THROUGH THE WINDOW AT
BUTTERFACES OF ROB AND AMBER HAVING DINNER WITH MARY GRACE
AND JUNIOR. JUNIOR HAS HIS ARM AROUND MARY GRACE WHILE SHE
WHISPERS IN HIS EAR.

-LANE WALKS UP TO A WINDOW DISPLAY AT AN ELECTRONICS STORE
AND SEES ON THE SCREEN A NEWS REPORT SHOWING THE OUTSIDE OF
THE FEDERAL COURT BUILDING. THE SCREEN READS "FEDS PREPARE
TO CRACK LOCAL CRIME RING."

LANE WALKS ON, THEN THE STORY CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF A
BURNING APARTMENT BUILDING. THE CAPTION READ "SUSPICIOUS
FIRE AT APARTMENT BUILDING UNDER CONSTRUCTION. OFFICIALS
QUESTIONING BUILDERS."

THE SCREEN CHANGES SHOWING PICTURES OF POLICE SURROUNDING
GINO MERLINO COMING OUT OF A RESTAURANT.


-LANE IS SOLICITED BY TWO TRANSVESTITE PROSTITUTES. AFTER
GETTING RID OF THEM, A HEAVY RAIN STARTS AND BIRD CRAP LANDS
ON HIS SHOULDER. HE LOOKS UP AND A LARGE DROPPING HITS HIM
IN THE FACE.


92.

-LANE ARRIVES BACK AT HIS APARTMENT, OPENS THE DOOR AND IS
WASHED AWAY BY A WALL OF WATER. THE WATER RUSHES ACROSS THE
WALK AND FLOODS HIS CAR, LEAVING LANE IN A WET HEAP ON THE
HOOD.
                                                            
 
INT. LANE'S APARTMENT NEXT MORNING - DAY
                                                            
Lane sleeps on his water soaked mattress wrapped in plastic
trash bags. Dead fish cover the floor.

Dirty water stains cover the walls four feet up. His clock
RADIO, attached to a table on the ceiling, clicks on.
                                                            
                       RADIO
It's another beautiful morning in
Seattle. Time to rise and shine
and greet the day. Remember, a
life without challenges is not a
life worth living!
                                                            
Lane pokes his head out from under the plastic bags and
stares at the RADIO. He lays his head back down and stares
at the ceiling.
                                                            
                       LANE
I won't let them break me. I've
worked too hard to get this
position.
                                                            
Lane smiles and nods his head in determination as the radio
continues.
                                                            
                       RADIO
Remember today is Bosses day, so
bring a little extra sunshine to
the office for those who you rely
on for your success!
                                                            
The radio starts playing a Wang Chung song. Lane sits up in
bed, confident in his determination, his stick to-it-ness.
He's ready to tackle the day.
                                                            
                       LANE
Today the tide turns.
      (looks around at
       the FISH)
Today I make my own future!
                                                            
SERIES OF SHOTS

-LANE TAKES A SHOWER, SINGING TO THE RADIO. HE SQUEEZES
SHAMPOO OUT OF A BOTTLE ATTACHED UPSIDE DOWN ON THE SHOWER

93.

CEILING.

-LANE REVIEWS HIS CLOTHING OPTIONS, SELECTS HIS PANTS, SHIRT
AND TIE, THEN PULLS A PAIR OF UPSIDE DOWN SHOES FROM THE
CEILING OF HIS CLOSET

-LANE SQUEEZES SOME HAIR GEL FROM A BOTTLE ATTACHED UPSIDE
DOWN FROM HIS MEDICINE CABINET, RUBS IT IN HIS HAIR AND
COMBS THE DOO TO PERFECTION.

-LANE CATCHES TWO PIECES OF TOAST ON A PLATE AS THEY SHOOT
DOWN FROM HIS UPSIDE DOWN TOASTER ATTACHED TO THE BOTTOM OF
HIS UPPER KITCHEN CABINETS.

-LANE, DRESSED AND LOOKING SHARP, TAKES A DEEP BREATH, OPENS
HIS FRONT DOOR AND HEADS OUT TO MEET THE DAY.
                                                            
 
EXT. LANE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Lane waits on the curb. A Wang Chung song plays from down
the street.

Lane looks to his left and smiles. Rob wheels up, top down,
in his new Lexus. Rob has on a red hardhat and blue
coveralls. "Rob" is stitched on the breast pocket.

Lane give him a questioning stare and climbs in.
                                                            
 
INT. ROB'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Lane turns down the radio.
                                                            
                       ROB
Again with the radio! What's wrong
with that song?
                                                            
                       LANE
What's with the hardhat?
                                                            
                       ROB
This hat?
                                                            
                       LANE
And the personalized coverall's?
                                                            
                       ROB
You're kidding, right?
                                                            
Rob sees Lane's not kidding.
                                                            

94.

                       ROB
The fire? The apartments under
construction? Wheatland?
                                                            
                       LANE
I have no idea what you're talking
about?
                                                            
                       ROB
There was a big fire last night at
the Regal Arms Leisure Manor
Apartments. Gavin has called in
the entire team to handle the
claim. We're all meeting there
this morning. Didn't you get a
call from Doris?
                                                            
                       LANE
No.
                                                            
                       ROB
Oh. Anyway, the coveralls and
helmet are from Gavin. Standard
issue for all field staff. Didn't
you get yours?
                                                            
                       LANE
No, I didn't.
                                                            
                       ROB
Oh. Well, maybe they will have
them for you at the loss.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (sarcastic)
I'm sure.
      (appears to have a
       thought)
Hey, uh, can we swing by the
office on the way. I need to get
my camera.
                                                            
                       ROB
No problemo.
                                                            
 
EXT. REGAL ARMS LEISURE MANOR APARTMENTS - DAY
                                                            
Rob pulls up in front of a large burned out apartment
building. Yellow caution tape covers the front entrance.

Parked next to Rob is Gavin's Mercedes and Mott's Jaguar.
Mott lounges on the hood in his blue coveralls and hardhat.

95.


Lane and Rob exit Rob's car and stare at the destruction.
                                                            
                       MOTT
Soak it up, boys, trainings over.
                                                            
                       ROB
This is amazing. I'm, I'm, I'm at
a loss.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (looks at Rob,
       then Mott)
Straight fire loss. Develop a
scope, copy for each unit, price
per local specs and get an
agreement with a local restoration
contractor.
                                                            
                       MOTT
      (unimpressed)
Uh huh, something like that.
                                                            
                       ROB
I'm with Lane, like he said!
                                                            
                       LANE
Come on, Rob, lets get started.
                                                            
Lane grabs a large briefcase from the back of Rob's car and
starts towards the front doors.
                                                            
                       MOTT
Easy there, Newby. Rob, you're
coming with me. Lane, Gavin is
ready for you inside.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (nervous)
Gavin's here?
                                                            
                       MOTT
Through the front door, down the
hall, up four flights, two rights
and a left. Got it?
                                                            
                       LANE
      (big breath,
       resolved)
Got it.
                                                            
                       MOTT
Good. Come on, lets go, Rob.
                                                            

96.

Lane pats his hair, straightens his tie and walks up and in
the building. Rob and Mott head off around the side.
                                                            
 
INT. REGAL ARMS LEISURE MANOR APARTMENTS - DAY
                                                            
Lane enters a semi dark long hallway. Everywhere is black
charring from fire. Water drips from the ceiling. Lane
pauses, then presses on down the hall.
                                                            
                       LANE
Hello? Hello?
                                                            
Lane reaches a burned out open staircase. He looks up and
takes a step. The stair collapses under his foot causing him
to fall through the step up to his crotch.
                                                            
                       LANE
Uff!
                                                            
Lane struggles out of the hole, tests the side of the
stairway and continues up. He reaches the next floor, now
enclosed in total darkness.

He opens his case and takes out a small flashlight. He turns
on the light and shines the beam down the hallway. Overhead
lights swing through the beam. Lane marches on, tripping
over burned construction equipment.

He sees a light at the end of the long hall and speeds his
approach. At the end of the hall he arrives at a windowless
opening. He sucks in breaths of fresh air and looks down.

Now high up, he spots Junior arrive, top down, in his
Cadillac. Riding shotgun is Mary Grace. Lane hangs his head,
then turns and continues up the next staircase. Reaching the
top of the stairs, Lane sees a shadowy figure at the other
end of the hall duck into a room.
                                                            
                       LANE
Gavin? Mr. Blake?
                                                            
With no answer, Lane swallows hard and continues on.
Arriving at the door, Lane sees Gavin standing next to the
remains of a burned out exterior wall, staring out towards
the Puget Sound. Gavin turns and gazes at Lane.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Come on in, Lane, have a look.
                                                            
Lane carries his case over and stands next to Gavin,
admiring the view.
                                                            

97.

                       LANE
It's beautiful.
      (looks down)
You don't appreciate how high this
is from the front of the building.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
A person could really get hurt
falling from here, don't you
think, Lane?
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, I guess they could.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
Dangerous job, being on the field
staff.
      (looks at Lane)
Anything can happen when you're
out in the field. Tumble down a
ravine, get attacked by wild
animals. Sometimes, even have to
face death.
                                                            
                       LANE
Uh, yeah. So, should we get
started?
                                                            
While Lane looks around, Gavin quickly moves over to the
door and closes the burned slab. Lane looks over, panicked,
at the scowling Gavin.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
You just couldn't stay away, could
you? Even after my warning, you
had to have this job.
                                                            
                       LANE
But I?
                                                            
                       GAVIN
      (in Lane's face)
Don't bullshit me about Ciarelli
bringing you on. You couldn't
resist the offer, could you, no
back bone.
                                                            
                       LANE
It's my career!
                                                            
                       GAVIN
      (grabs Lanes
       collar)
Career? Are you fucking kidding
            (MORE)

98.

                       GAVIN (cont'd)
me? Well, guess what, Lane old
boy, your career is going to come
to a very quick, very unfortunate
end!
                                                            
Gavin yanks Lane off his feet and drags him over next to the
open wall. Lane cries and struggles to resist.
                                                            
                       LANE
PLEASE! PLEASE! WHY ARE YOU DOING
THIS! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!
                                                            
Gavin stops next to the drop and hauls Lane up inches from
his face.
                                                            
                       GAVIN
DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING! THAT'S NOT THE WAY I'VE
BEEN SEEING IT, LANE-O!
                                                            
Gavin leans Lane out over the edge. Lane's feet struggle for
a footing on the burned crumbling ledge.
                                                            
                       LANE
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!
                                                            
                       GAVIN
YOU CALL MEETING WITH A FEDERAL
PROSECUTOR NOT DOING ANYTHING! YOU
CALL TALKING TO RICH ARNOLD
KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT. YOU CALL
GRILLING ROB CIARELLI ABOUT DIRECT
PAY AUTHORIZATIONS KEEPING QUIET!
                                                            
One of Lane's feet slip off the ledge and Gavin lets go with
one of his hands. Lane dangles on one foot while Gavin
strains to hold him up.
                                                            
                       LANE
ROB TOLD YOU THAT?
                                                            
                       GAVIN
He's seen the light, Lane. He's
seen the money. I own him, Lane,
he's mine now.
                                                            
Lane's foot slips again as he leans farther out over the
ledge.
                                                            

99.

                       LANE
OH GOD, PLEASE! PLEASE LET ME GO!
I WON'T SAY ANYTHING. I'LL TALK TO
MARY, SHE WILL LISTEN TO ME!
                                                            
                       GAVIN
TOO LATE, LANE! AFTER YOUR LITTLE
ON THE JOB FATALITY, MOTT WILL
MAKE SURE MARY DOESN'T SEE ANOTHER
COURTROOM AGAIN!
                                                            
                       LANE
NOOOOOOOOO!
                                                            
Gavin smiles as he lets go of Lanes collar. As he falls,
Lane reaches up and grabs Gavin's wrist pulling him to the
floor. Dangling by Gavin's arm, Lane pulls himself up and
over Gavin back into the room.

Gavin jumps up and smashes Lane through the burned door as
Lane tries to leave. The two men fight and wrestle down the
hall smashing each other with construction debris and
equipment.

After being knocked down, Lane picks up a large pipe wrench
and crushes Gavin in the crotch. Gavin crumples in a heap as
Lane limps away. Struggling to stand, Gavin reaches into his
pocket and pulls out a small walkie talkie.
                                                            
                       JACK
      (into the walkie
       talkie)
Mott, Junior, get the fuck up
here. He's getting away. Hurry!
                                                            
Outside, Mott and Junior are chatting up Rob and Mary Grace.
When they get the call, they both tear off, leaving a
startled Rob and Mary looking on.
                                                            
Lane runs down the hall and arrives at the stairs. He looks
out and sees Mott and Junior run into the building.

Just as he looks up again, Gavin smashes into him and both
men fall out the window opening, landing on top of four
portable toilets. The small green structures explode in a
wash of dark blue debris filled shit water.

After a moment, Lane pushes off a door and emerges with a
toilet seat around his neck. He spits blue water out of his
mouth. Rob and Mary Grace run over.
                                                            

100.

                       MARY GRACE
Oh my God! Lane, are you all
right?
                                                            
                       LANE
They're trying to kill me. Rob, we
gotta get out of here!
                                                            
All three look back at the smashed toilets. Gavin crawls out
and tries to get up. A sound draws their attention back to
the apartments. Mott and Junior are struggling to climb over
the smashed front door to get back out.
                                                            
                       LANE
I'll hold them off! You two get to
Rob's car!
                                                            
Mott and Junior clear the door and race towards the group.

Lane grabs a metal pole and trash can lid and starts towards
the men.

Assuming a lancer's poise, Lance strikes Mott smack in the
middle of his gut with the pole and follows with CLANGING
shot to Junior's head with the trash can lid.

Both men crumble to the ground.
                                                            
                       ROB
Holy shit, come on, lets go!
                                                            
Lane sprints over and leaps into Rob's Lexus. Rob burns
rubber out of the parking area.

Right behind them, Mott and Junior have recovered and hurtle
into their own cars and take off after Rob.

Gavin also runs from the building and takes chase in his
ride.
                                                            
 
EXT. SEATTLE STREETS - DAY
                                                            
Rob races down Queen Anne Boulevard with the three other
vehicles in hot pursue. Lane rides shot gun with Mary Grace
in the back seat. Rob weaves in and out of mid day traffic.
                                                            
                       ROB
What happened back there?!
                                                            
                       LANE
It's Gavin. He's gone crazy!
                                                            

101.

Rob, Lane and Mary Grace scream in terror as Rob reaches the
crest of Queen Anne Boulevard and sails airborne down the
steep hill, crashing into the road hundreds of feet down.
Gavin, Mott and Junior all fly down right behind him.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (looking back)
Hurry Rob, they're gaining on us!
                                                            
The three cars in pursuit close the gap behind Rob, weaving
in and out of traffic. Rob reaches Mercer Street and takes a
hard left. The three pursuers follow suit.
                                                            
                       ROB
What are you talking about? Why
would Gavin want to kill you?
                                                            
                       LANE
He knows I know about the graft,
the phony payments, the kickbacks.
He's trying to protect his cash
cow!
      (looks up at the
       street)
Whoa!
                                                            
Rob screeches around a bus pulling out in front of him, then
takes a right onto 5th Avenue, passing the EMP museum.
Overhead the monorail paces him.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
How could he know that? You didn't
tell him!
                                                            
Rob races past Westlake Center, nearly hitting a group of
camera toting Japanese tourists. Three police cruisers
parked at the center pick up the chase behind Mott, Gavin
and Junior.
                                                            
                       LANE
I DIDN'T tell him, but you're the
one showing up with Junior, Mary.
You tell ME. How could Gavin get
this information unless you gave
it to one of his henchmen!
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I don't like your tone, Lane!
                                                            
Rob skids around the corner of Marion and flies downhill
before taking a hard left onto 1st Avenue. More police are
in pursuit.
                                                            

102.

                       LANE
And I don't like seeing you
showing up first thing in the
morning canoodling with Junior!
                                                            
Rob blasts through Pioneer Square and heads down past Quest
Field and Safeco Field.
                                                            
                       ROB
People, people. I understand your
issues right now, but I'm kind of
running out of room to roam! Any
ideas?
                                                            
Rob passes a sign for "Alki Beach, 1/2 Block."
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Head towards the beach!
                                                            
Rob takes a right at the exit and races ahead. The caravan
of cops and bad guys right on his tail.
                                                            
                       LANE
Where the hell are you going, Rob?
This is getting a little too close
to home!
                                                            
                       ROB
I'm open to all suggestions, Lane!
                                                            
Rob screams down Alki past the shops and staring
beach-goers. He takes a left and is now on Lane's street.
                                                            
LANE'S APARTMENT
                                                            
Amber stands over the jacked up rear of Lane's car. The
WHEEL lug nuts have been removed for the flat tire. Amber
stretches causing her breasts to press her tight Wheatland
Field Staff tee shirt.

After wiping her brow, she walks to the front of the car and
takes a swig from her beer. At the sound of the SIRENS from
down the street, she turns her head and chokes on her beer.
Beer spills on her shirt getting the front wet.

She slams the bottle on the hood, which causes the car to
rock back off the jack and roll across the road, stopping
mid lane. When it stops, the wheel slips off the hub and the
car collapses in the road.
                                                            

103.

ROB'S CAR
                                                            
                       ROB
Oh boy! Hold on, everyone!
                                                            
Rob spots Lane's car rolling across his lane. In the
opposite lane a bus is approaching Lanes car. Rob slams on
the gas PEDAL and squeezes between the bus and Lanes car.
Pass the bus, he jams on the brakes and skids to a stop.

As the bus closes the gap, Mott, Gavin and Junior all slam
into Lane's car and each other, causing a spectacular crash.
The police pull up short and block the street behind the
wreck.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (seeing the
       carnage)
Holy Shit!
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Oh my God!
                                                            
                       LANE
That's my car!
                                                            
The police approach the scene on foot. Rob sees the officers
and focuses back on his passengers. Both Lane and Mary
pout.
                                                            
                       ROB
OK you two, listen to me!
                                                            
They continue to ignore each other.
                                                            
                       ROB
Lane, did you or did you not, save
Mary from certain death at the
hands of Gavin Blake?
                                                            
                       LANE
Yes.
                                                            
                       ROB
And Mary, did you or did you not,
sleep with Junior Biggins
to get information for your
investigation?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I certainly did not!
                                                            

104.

Rob glances up at the accident scene and sees a couple cops
pointing at him. He turns back to Mary Grace and Lane.
                                                            
                       ROB
Look, we don't have much time
here. Lane, weren't you the
happiest you've ever been during
the time you spent with Mary?
      (sees Lane waiver)
Well, answer me!
                                                            
                       LANE
      (peeks at Mary)
I was.
                                                            
                       ROB
Uh huh. And Mary, weren't you the
happiest you've been in your
entire life during the time you
spent with Lane?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (slight grin)
Yes.
                                                            
Robs spots several cops now approaching his car, guns drawn.
                                                            
                       ROB
That's what I thought. Now, before
I get hauled off to jail for
breaking at least 20 major laws, I
want both of you to promise me you
will get over yourselves and make
up!
                                                            
The police arrive and yank Rob out of his car, throwing him
to the ground.
                                                            
                       ROB
      (face to the
       pavement)
You promise me?!
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace smile at each other.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (and Mary together)
We promise, Rob!
                                                            
The police cuff Rob and stand him up. Rob grins as they lead
him off to a waiting squad car. Amber runs up and hugs Rob
before he goes in.
                                                            

105.

BLACK SCREEN SUPER "TWO MONTHS LATER."
                                                            
 
INT. ICELANDIC RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace are back in the Icelandic restaurant.
Four empty pitchers of beer and several plates of fish and
animal bones cover the table. A waitress puts the check
down.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (grabs the check)
I've got that.
                                                            
Mary Grace smiles.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I can't believe this is finally
over.
                                                            
                       LANE
Yeah, amazing isn't it.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
With yours and Robs testimony, and
the review of Wheatland's files,
we were able to put together an
airtight case against the field
staff and several contractors,
including Merlino.
                                                            
                       LANE
What was their take again?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
The accountants are still working
the numbers, but it looks like the
field staff skimmed more than one
hundred million dollars out of
Wheatland's coffers over the last
10 years.
                                                            
                       LANE
Unbelievable.
      (Lane checks his
       watch)
Oops, we better get going. Don't
want to be late!
                                                            
Lane pulls a large flash role out and drops several twenties
on the table. Mary Grace takes his arm and they leave out
the front door.
                                                            
 

106.

INT. LANE'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
Lane and Mary Grace cruise top down in a brand new Maserati
convertible. Wang Chung plays on the radio.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
I love this new car, Lane, very
professional.
                                                            
                       LANE
Being the field staff supervisor
does bring some extra coin.
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
      (flirty)
Maybe I'm going to have to
interrogate you now.
                                                            
                       LANE
I certainly hope so.
                                                            
Lane pulls up to a decorated church. Bells RING as crowds of
people stream in. Lane and Mary Grace climb out of the car,
hold hands and make their walk up the steps.
                                                            
                       LANE
Are you ready for this?
                                                            
                       MARY GRACE
Ready as I'll ever be.
                                                            
Lane opens the door for Mary and they both go inside.
                                                            
 
INT. CHURCH - DAY
                                                            
A crowd fills the pews. Lane and Mary Grace stand at the
alter. Organ MUSIC starts and the back doors open.

At the same time a side door opens and Rob walks to the
alter. Coming up the aisle from the back door, Amber slowly
makes her way, beautiful in her wedding dress.

She passes Roma, Palma and an older black man in an airline
pilot uniform sitting in the second row.

She shares a smile with several Wheatland office employees,
including Rich Arnold, sitting next to a beautiful Indian
woman in full robes.

Looking to the next row, she give a nod to Doris Myers, who
sits next to a huge black gentleman with corn rows and gold
chains.

107.


Finally Amber arrives at the alter and is joined by Rob.
                                                            
 
INT. RECEPTION HALL - DAY
                                                            
A Wang Chung cover band has the crowd dancing as Rob sips a
tall beer at the bar. Lane wanders over.
                                                            
                       LANE
I didn't think I'd ever see this.
                                                            
                       ROB
Me either, buddy.
                                                            
                       LANE
So am I going to see you two at
work on Monday?
                                                            
                       ROB
Are you fucking kidding me? You
think I can tame THAT in a
weekend?
                                                            
Rob points over to Amber, bent over, breasts practically
falling out, dress hiked up, showing several other women her
thigh garter belt.
                                                            
                       LANE
I see your point. That could take
some time.
                                                            
                       ROB
Yes. So, what's up with you?
                                                            
                       LANE
I wanted to give you something.
Call it a wedding gift if you
will.
                                                            
                       ROB
No way, Lane, forget it. You've
already done way too much for me.
                                                            
                       LANE
I think you'll want this, Rob.
                                                            
Lane reaches into his Tuxedo jacket and pulls out a white
envelope. He hands it to Rob.
                                                            

108.

                       ROB
      (takes the
       envelope)
What's this?
                                                            
                       LANE
Something that may have been
missed by the feds.
                                                            
Rob opens the envelope and pulls out the claims paperwork
for the losses he inspected on his first day. He stares at
the DIRECT PAY AUTHORIZATIONS.
                                                            
                       ROB
Jesus, Lane, I was wondering about
these. They have my name on them!
These link me to the fraud!
      (looks at Lane)
You stole these didn't you, when
you found out the feds were moving
in. I can't believe it.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (downs a shot)
I don't know what you're talking
about, Rob.
      (grins)
I have no idea.
                                                            
Lane walks away towards a waiting Mary Grace. Rob watches
him go, then lights the papers on fire with the candle
burning at the bar.

He drops the remains, grabs Amber and leads a large crowd
onto the dance floor.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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