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F*** You Mark Zuckerberg (Copy)
by Dorrie and Lena

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
Five young adults struggling how to figure out who they are and how they fit into society. They are on a quest for ultimate billionaire success without having to work too hard.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. GRACE AND CHARLIE'S LIVING ROOM. - EVENING
                                                            
Typewriting at bottom of screen -
                                                            
FRIDAY8:30PM, SAN FERNANDO VALLEY AKA PERSIA
                                                            
Close up of Grace writing in her "diary". We hear her inner
thoughts. She is wearing a night gown and is surrounded by
candles. The song Orinoco Flow by Enya is playing.
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (inner thoughts)
Dear Diary...just kidding.
                                                            
EVERYONE IS GETTING LOADED. DRINKING BEER AND EATING PIZZA.
                                                            
Grace,Charlie, and Sparrow are lounging on Grace's couch.
Topher is braiding Sparrows hair, Charlie is hitting her
bong, and Grace is drinking her beer & watching Food
Network. There is a sparkly Femme Fatal painting behind
them, and a Buffy poster is hanging to the left of the
couch. There is a used wooden crappy coffee table that holds
a bong.
                                                            
Cut to Charlie, Topher, Grace and Sparrow. They are watching
the tv show Diners,Drive-ins and Dives, while drinking beer,
smoking pot and eating pizza.
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (Inner thoughts)
There's only one person in my life
that truly inspires me... And no,
it's not Mark Zuckerberg. It's
Buffy. Buffy Ann Summers. She
accomplished so much in her
life.She saved the world, starred
in her own musical, and most
importantly, she had sex with
Angel... What am I doing with my
life?
                                                            
Cut to Guy Fieri
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (inner thoughts)
I wanna be successful like Guy
Fieri So I can look back on my
life and know that I accomplished
something.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
      (high)
Let's open up a restaurant and get
super rich!
                                                            
                       GRACE
that seems like a lot of work
                                                            

2.

                       TOPHER
Guy Fieri is a multi millionaire,
he's worldy, sexy, and he cooks.
The perfect husband trifecta! Sex.
                                                            
                       GRACE
Fat people scare me.
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (inner thoughts)
I think it's just my inner fear of
being swallowed whole by a gang of
fatties. Like West side Story, but
with fat people.
                                                            
Imagination sequence of Grace cornered by fat people singing
"Jet song"aka fatty. See attachment.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
In the middle ages, being PORTLY
was considered beautiful. It
showed that you were wealthy and
well fed.
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
I like getting a little fat from
the back, I feel like it really
stimulates me.
                                                            
                       GRACE
I don't even wanna know how that
works.
                                                            
Liam walks in. He has just taken a shower and sits next to
grace just in a towel. He playfully wets her.
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (inner thoughts)
God he smells so good...
                                                            
                       LIAM
I used your loofah.. so good!
                                                            
                       GRACE
Seriously?
                                                            
Grace playfully hits him and twists his nipple.
                                                            
                       LIAM
You know they're sensitive!
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
A really good business idea would
be opening up a
speakeasy...they're fun and
exclusive. Plus, I'm a hot dame
and it's prohibition. (starts
snapping)
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (Snaps)
No.
                                                            

3.

                       SPARROW
      (To Grace)
Ooh what if we opened an snail
haberdashery... Because 3 out of 5
restaurants FAIL within the first
year.
                                                            
Everyone looks at her like she's retarded.
                                                            
                       LIAM
Burrito Crepes. They'll taste like
burritos, but they're crepes.
                                                            
                       GRACE
These ideas are not gonna work.
First of all, I'm not starting
from scratch, or working hard..
NO. We can just own a franchise.
It's already successful. All we
have to do is show up.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
Loves.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
How are we gonna get the money to
do this?
                                                            
Grace and Topher look at Sparrow.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
What? Is there something on my
face?
                                                            
                       GRACE
Call your parents to access your
bank account.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
No. They're in Shandong, China
                                                            
                       GRACE
Sparrow, just call your parents.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
If I was as rich as you
Sparrow....
                                                            
Cut to imagination sequence-
Topher on stage under spotlight. Roses being thrown.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
      (whisper)
Do it.. do it.. you know you wanna
do it.
                                                            
                       LIAM
Come on Sparrow! You're that sweet
filling that keeps the oreo
together.. and we are the oreo!
                                                            

4.

                       SPARROW
There's too much pressure being
this gelatinous center! You guys
should be contributing too!
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (laughter/scoffs)
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
This conversation is making me
hungry.
                                                            
                       LIAM
Burritos?
                                                            
 
INT. CAFE - LATER
                                                            
Everyone is sitting at the table eating.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
You cannot compare James Van Der
Beek's cry face to Claire Danes!
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
Whose cry face would you rather
have on top of you?
                                                            
                       TOPHER
...Pacey. But that's not the
point! Claire has a whole website
dedicated to her CRY FACE.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
      (pulls out her
       phone & shows pic)
Guys, look at Clair Danes face. It
looks like the comedy/tragedy
mask.
                                                            
                       GRACE
I really think we should focus on
buying a Pie-Hole franchise
                                                            
                       LIAM
I can make pie. I just made a pie.
                                                            
                       GRACE
Excellent so it's settled.
                                                            
Heather walks in with a pitcher.
                                                            
                       HEATHER
Burritos are on me. Call it my
parting gift.
                                                            
                       LIAM
What do you mean parting?
                                                            
                       GRACE
What? No. Where are you going?
                                                            

5.

                       HEATHER
Don't know. But my burrito
business is a complete failure.
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (inner thoughts)
You're in Van Nuys. There's an
endless supply of Mexicans making
better burritos.
                                                            
                       GRACE
Heather, I'm sorry.
                                                            
                       LIAM
Heather, te amo your burritos!
They have just enough sauce, but
not too much. And just enough
beans... but not too much.
                                                            
                       HEATHER
I know!! Man, if I can't find
someone to take over my $3,000
lease, my work visa's gonna be
revoked and they're gonna deport
me.
                                                            
                       LIAM
      (to himself)
Woah Heather. Deportation.
Intense.
                                                            
                       GRACE
Um, is there a full kitchen back
there?
                                                            
                       HEATHER
Yeahhh??
                                                            
Cut to Grace's imagination -

Grace and Liam are running through the romantic sand with
their friends throwing money behind them.
                                                            
                       GRACE
We'll take over your lease.
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (Inner thoughts)
Did I just say that?
                                                            
                       HEATHER
Do you even have any experience or
credit? Background history?
                                                            
Nobody says anything.
                                                            
                       HEATHER
No? okay. I'm looking at
deportation,so I'm just gonna go
grab the leasing papers.
                                                            
Heather goes to get the papers.
                                                            

6.

                       SPARROW
You can't be serious? This is not
a safe idea. Look at us (throws a
disheveled high Charlie as an
example of how bad this idea)
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (The American flag
       is waving behind
       her)
I don't want to work my way up the
corporate ladder in some shit job
like my parents did. WE have an
opportunity here to do something
together that could be awesome
and... life changing. Let's grab
life by the balls. We are the
future guys.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
You had me at balls, but we have
no money.
                                                            
Grace turns to look at Sparrow.
Everyone realizes and also looks at her.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
noo, we all must contribute.
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
I don't know why I didn't think of
this sooner! There's this service
where we get paid to go on dates
with guys.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
You mean prostitution.
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
No, I mean being a woman and
getting paid for what I already
do.
                                                            
                       LIAM
Did anyone else get an image of
Heather dirty and homeless with a
shopping cart..
                                                            
                       SPARROW
How are we gonna come up with the
money?
                                                            
                       GRACE
We can have a fundraiser?
                                                            
                       SPARROW
What would we fundraise?
                                                            
Heather walks in.
                                                            
                       HEATHER
I love seeing young adults work
for their dreams. You guys rock.
Namaste.
                                                            

7.

                       LIAM
Namaste Heather!
                                                            
Heather gives Grace the papers and leaves.
                                                            
                       GRACE
Maybe we can just have a party and
charge people an entrance fee.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
Oooh a party! We can theme it!
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
Tomorrow night. In our courtyard.
Eyes Wide Shut theme!
                                                            
Courtyard. 10:30pm. Liam is wearing a poncho and no shirt,
cut off jean shorts, and a tapatio mustache. A gallon of
horchata stands in the middle of the courtyard with some
mexican beer and two pinatas. Grace, Charlie and Sparrow are
in Quince dresses. Topher is wearing a J Crew outfit, a
sombrero, and a tapatio mustache. The courtyard is EMPTY.
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
Told you we should have had an
Eyes Wide Shut theme.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
Where are my 150 "yeses" on
facebook!?
                                                            
                       LIAM
This horchata is amazing!! I put
rum in it!
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (inner thoughts)
Shit. Charlie was right. An Eyes
Wide Shut theme would have been
better. Sex sells...idiot
                                                            
                       SPARROW
      (smoking a joint)
Guys, It wasn't our time to open a
restaurant... but it is our time
to go forth and jubilate.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
Party...
                                                            
No one ends up coming. The gang gets really fucked
up(reference- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04Td7DIIb_k)
                                                            
 
INT. GRACE'S AND CHARLIE'S APT. - MORNING
                                                            
Charlie, Liam, and a random guy are spooning Grace. The
alarm clock goes off. Grace hits it and sits up. Theres an
envelope with keys by the clock. Sparrow and Topher are
sleeping butt to butt. Grace opens the envelope and it says,
"Hey guys, thanks for taking over the place. Love, Heather.
P.S. Awesome party."
                                                            

8.

                       GRACE
ooooh noo.
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (inner thoughts)
Shit.. did we sign a lease?
                                                            
 
EXT. CUT TO BLURY FLASHBACK AT PARTY - EVENING
                                                            
You see Grace, Charlie, Sparrow, Liam and Topher huddled
over a table. Heather and random guy are twerking(dance
move) in the back.
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
I think we should just sign it!
Heather would want us to sign it!
It's only $3,000!
                                                            
                       TOPHER
Sparrow, you'll pay you back!
It'll be like we're paying you
back!
                                                            
                       SPARROW
I don't wanna be responsible for
anything! Leases are complicated!
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
No they're not!! It says right
here. The lessor "that's us!" is
relieved of all liability and
obligation.
                                                            
                       GRACE
Look, if you had one shot, or one
opportunity
To seize everything you ever
wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let
it slip?
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (inner thoughts)
Eminem's a genius.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
Wow, that was really insightful.
Fuck it. Yeah I said fuck!
Charge it to my credit card
bitches!
                                                            
Sparrow holds up her cup
                                                            
                       SPARROW
No deportation!
                                                            
                       EVERYONE
No deportation!
                                                            
Everyone starts taking shots and screaming, "shots, shots,
shots, shots,shots, shots" from the song Shots by LMFAO
                                                            

9.

                       EVERYONE
shot, shot,shot, shot, shots,
shots! everybody!!!
                                                            
We see Grace, Sparrow, Topher, and Charlie sign the lease.
                                                            
                       LIAM
      (drunkenly yelling)
Heather's gonna be so happy!
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
I filled out all of the leasing
information! Just sign it!!
                                                            
                       TOPHER
      (To Charlie)
You little multi tasker
                                                            
Topher acts out giving head and writing.
                                                            
Everybody signs the lease.
                                                            
Shot of Grace giving the lease back to Heather.
                                                            
 
INT. CUT BACK TO GRACE'S AND CHARLIE'S APT. - MORNING
                                                            
Grace nudges Charlie until she wakes up.
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
noooo
                                                            
                       GRACE
Get up. We have to go to work.
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
We don't work.
                                                            
                       GRACE
We do now.
                                                            
                       LIAM
Did we buy sign something last
night?
                                                            
                       TOPHER
Oh my god... oh my god.. oh my
god.
                                                            
                       GRACE
Guys, we signed a contract. This
shit's real. We paid for it.
                                                            
Everyone looks at Sparrow.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
There is something on my face!
                                                            
                       TOPHER
Ooohh you charged it to your
credit card.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
I think I'm gonna vomit.
                                                            
 

10.

EXT. OUTSIDE OF PIE HOLE RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
We see the key go into the door, and all five characters
walk inside.
                                                            
 
INT. INSIDE OF RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Heather's restaurant is empty.
                                                            
                       TOPHER
We need to decorate this place.
It's not warm and welcoming.
                                                            
                       LIAM
We are gonna be so super
successful. Seriously.
                                                            
                       SPARROW
I'm the center of the oreo. I'm
the center of the oreo.
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
Let's knock out that wall so we
can bring more light in.
                                                            
                       GRACE
With what money!? We just used
Sparrow's credit cards.
                                                            
                       LIAM
At least we got that $3,000
covered.. now we can start our
pies!
                                                            
                       GRACE
It's $3,000 a month..Guys, we have
30 days to come up with another
$3,000..
                                                            
                       TOPHER
Oh shit.
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (Holding contract)
We're also responsible and liable
for everything CHARLIE!
                                                            
                       CHARLIE
That's not how I read it in the
contract last night.
                                                            
                       LIAM
Guys, it's okay. Heathers not
gonna be deported, and we get to
open a Pie Hole franchise!
                                                            
Heather walks in and hears the conversation.
                                                            
                       HEATHER
Oooo.. franchise? Grace, you know
you can't open a franchise without
approval by the Company...and
that's really expensive. But
            (MORE)

11.

                       HEATHER (cont'd)
awesome party last night!
                                                            
                       GRACE
What?
                                                            
                       HEATHER
yeah i didn't want to tell you but
the restaurant business is the
worst profession you can get into.
I woke up in a cold sweat every
night and I've never had a
relationship. So glad you guys
signed that lease.
                                                            
Heather leaves.
                                                            
Imagination - Grace "as Buffy", wields a stake and stabs a
vampire in the chest. He opens his cloak and you see the
words "Graces Dreams" as the blood soaks through.
                                                            
                       GRACE
      (inner thoughts)
Generation Y, that's what I suffer
from. This idea that I can be the
next Mark Zuckerberg, or Catherine
Cook, or Hansup Yoon. I googled
the last two. But in all
seriousness, where's my instant
gratification?
                                                            
                       TOPHER
      (to friends)
now what?
                                                            
Cut to friends sitting around the table getting high.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Brian Lundson Date 7/20/2015 ***
Really good. I like the themes and the points that you're making. Funny characters too. Agree with the other review though - needs to be longer.

From John H. Date 4/29/2014 ***
Awesome little script. I loved the characters and the tone. I wish it were longer.


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