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Herb N' Lyfe(short)
by R.Williams (rickeyjermaine@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
College life or life in general..some say weed makes everything better-but does it? Here is the first chapter in the journey of three friends that want to see just how far down the rabbit hole goes.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



In room 457, three young men TREY (20), JEWAN (20), and
ROMAN (22) sit in a dorm room conversing.
get the fuck out of here! you have
lost your mind!
"I've lost my mind"? Ok, in WHAT
LIFETIME will the Knicks win an
NBA championship? Tell me..
We got Starks, Mason, and Ewing-
EWing?! Patrick Ewing is the
posterboy for the NBA. Anyone in
the league who can slam a
basketball has a poster with him
on the recieving end.
That is true, he gets crammed on
You're both smokin rocks.
No- we're smoking WEED, but that
doesn't change the fact that the
Knicks aren't going to get a ring
anytime in the near future.
Maybe if we smoke enough of it
they will make it into the
The only way that will work is if
the rest of the LEAGUE smokes,
before the game.. and even then.


Jewan, I KNOW you aren't talking,
you are a Hawks fan are you not?
Indeed sir I am.
When are you guys going to make
some noise?
We do, everytime we play the
That's messed up, in my room
smoking MY weed, and talkin shit
about my team, it's just plain
PERNELL(19) walks in with BUTTER (20) with two grocery bags.
Yo, yo! What up you rump rangers!
Don't you ever knock Butter?
Is that any way to speak to the
guy who has just scored big time?
Scored? With what.
      (to Pernell)
Show em.
Me and butter just hit a "lick" at
the Piggly Wiggly! The "butter
man" ganked 8 steaks and i swiped
10 boxes of cigarettes.
I am still waiting on the "big
score" part of this story.


What? Man we can eat like kings!
And Pernell can sell the
cigarettes to everyone in the
I don't know about this, its
sounds a little risky.
Jewan, you waking up in the
morning is a risk.
Whatever dude, why don't you go to
class or something, oh i forgot,
you flunked out.
See man, why you gotta bring that
Cuz its true.
The "truth"- is about to be my
foot up your ass!
Wait, wait, wait. can everyone
just calm down for a minute? you
guys might wake up Matt, you're
being too loud. We don't need that
punk ass R.A. knocking on the
MATT (18) sleeps quietly in the other bed the entire time
this conversation has been going on, he is a very heavy
sleeper. There is only one thing that wakes him from his
TREY finishes his carefully rolled joint and signals ROMAN
to put the wet towel under the door and lights the joint.
TREY takes a puff of the joint and then blows the smoke
through an empty toiletpaper tube that is stuffed with dryer
sheets, to mask the pungent smell of marijuana, of course.
Yo, Roman, open those windows.


ROMAN walks over to the windows, which are right above
MATT's bed. MATT wakes up, startling ROMAN.
      (Half sleep)
Hey guys, you're smoking without
Matt, how do you do that?
Do what dude.
TREY hands the joint and the dryer sheet roll to MATT.
That. Man, you are always dead to
the world until the weed is lit,
and somehow you miraculously
      (takes a big drag)
Cuz I'm a genius.
MATT lets out a huge puff of smoke and everyone laughs.
Hey man, are those cigarettes?
jesus where did you guys get all
of those? Let me have a pack, i'm
Sure, give me six dollars and i'll
give you a pack.
Six dollars? What the hell?! They
only cost three dollars at the


Well take yo ass to the store
Hey what.
Its 5:15.
I didn't say anything.
Hey. We need to get the hell out
of here. Throw that out of the
window and lets go down to the
square, that girl should be
walking by real soon.
When are you going to speak to
Who? Me?
Any of you noodle dick fucks.
Butter! you got noodles too? And


      (Sprays air
Lets go.
Everyone gathers themselves and gets ready to head out of
the door.
That's far enough guys. get back
into the room.
What for, pee pee toucher?
                       POLICE OFFICER
The guys back up into the dormroom and are followed by a
                       POLICE OFFICER
We have reports of marijuana being
smoked in the dormroom. THIS room
, in fact.
Yup, this room!
BUTTER shoots the R.A. a "look". The R.A cowers behind the
                       POLICE OFFICER
Who's room is this?
Mine. I am not sure I can give you
permission to search my room sir.
                       POLICE OFFICER
Well that matters not son, because
the state of Georgia says I don't
need it when I have probale cause.
And he's probably gonna search it,
cuase he was told it was coming
from this room.
                       POLICE OFFICER
That's enough out of you , son.


I'm not your son, if I were, I
would be your nephew as well. So..
The POLICE OFFICER pauses, and then signals the other
officer in the room to start searching the room, they turn
the dormroom upside down. Really making a mess of the place
and then one of the OFFICERS discovers something.
                       POLICE OFFICER
And whats this? A roller? Is this
what you use to roll your funny
cigarettes boy?
No, I roll my own unfunny
cigarettes. I like the finer
things in life.
Random snickers and giggles can be heard throughout the
The OFFICERS continue their search and find nothing but the
ZigZag rollermachine and hand everyone a piece of paper to
fill out.
                       POLICE OFFICER
Now, if you gentlemen will be so
kind as to put your information on
thesesheets check the appropriate
boxes and sign and date the bottom
Everyone does exactly that and start to fill out the form,
all except ROMAN. Whom raises his hand,
I'm confused. At the top of the
sheet it says "check here if you
are not guilty".
                       POLICE OFFICER
Yes, and?
Well at the bottom of the form in
tiny letter below the signature
line, it says " by signing this
document, I admit to guilt". but
thats a contradiction isn't it?
Especially since i checked "not
guilty". Right?


                       POLICE OFFICER
      (Snatches paper
       from ROMAN)
Let me see that.
The OFFICER looks over the form.
                       POLICE OFFICER
You're right. Everyone, hand me
your sheets, NOW!
Everyone hands the officer their sheets and the OFFICERS
converse briefly before leaving the room. The R.A is so busy
reading the sheet himself in disgust he doesn't realize he
is in the room alone-with EVERYONE.
Yo, b! You gonna leave through the
door? Or do you want to take the
express route out of the window?
The R.A looks up and realizes his situation and gives a
nervous chuckle and frantically gets out of the room.
Everyone erupts in laughter, and the R.A can hear it as he
solemnly walks down the hall in defeat.
Holy shit Ro, I am glad you saw
that shit on that form, or we
would've been fucked.
Yeah, it didn't make any sense at
all. I guess normally no one reads
it, I am glad I did. i wonder how
many kids have gotten bent over
because of that.
I had signed it already. Dammit,
it's all good, they are all in the
trash by now.
Yo, tonight- I say we beat the
shit out of that punk ass R.A.


Butter, shut up. We just got out
of trouble.
I'm just sayin buttercup, we need
to make sure that fucker doesnt
come in here with that bullshit
Much as I hate to say it, I agree
with Butter. that asshole isn't
going to leave us alone. I am sure
they are going to find some way to
make this stick. that guy is a
They did'nt find any weed. What
could they possibly do?
I don;t want to think about it
anymore. Now can we please..be
Everyone walks out of the dormroom and the door slams shut.
As a result of the door slamming, the vent above the door
falls open slightly, exposing a rolled up plastic bag with
marijuana in it.


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From NIKI GOSS Date 12/1/2013 ***
Entertaining short. Nice job

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