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Squirrel! - Pilot
by Tania Penn (twistedwritertanita@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: **1/2
West coast version of Sex and the City, but from a guy's POV. A group of 4 thirty-something high school friends get together after going through various changes in their lives….Pilot is still a work in progress, but feedback would be appreciated!


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
A woman, named KATY CUMBERLAND, looks like she's on a
mission. THROWING clothes out a window, pictures going in
the TRASH...She's SWEARING, but isn't crying…KYLE CUMBERLAND
stands with his hands on his hips, just staring.
                                                            
                       KYLE (VO)
This is me. The reason my wife is
throwing all my shit out the
window, is well... I cheated on
her.
                                                            
                       KATY
You are so going to regret this!
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
Katy and I have been together a
long time. Since high school. I
thought I loved her but...
                                                            
SEX SCENE FLASHBACK WITH JANIE
                                                            
                       KYLE
Janie is a nurse at the hospital I
work at. I'm a doctor. We were
professional...For a while. Then
she started to persuade me. I
mean, come on, look at those tits!
                                                            
SEX SCENE FLASHBACK FREEZES ON JANIE'S TITS
                                                            
                       KYLE
We broke up after Katy became
suspicious. Caught us...In our
bed, but anyway...
                                                            
FLASHBACK - KATY WALKS IN ON KYLE AND JANIE
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
I thought she was out shopping
with her friends. But my luck, she
forgot something at home...
                                                            
Flashback - Katy charges Janie -- BITCH SLAPS AND TITTIE
TWISTS her...HARD.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
Maybe I never really loved Katy to
begin with. Ten years and two
kids later, you think I would have
            (MORE)

2.

                       KYLE (cont'd)
figured that out a while ago. When
I hooked up with Janie, I felt
like suddenly I came...Alive.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. KYLE'S CAR - LATER
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
I admit it. I was an asshole.
Thinking with the wrong head.
Cliche, but true. I tried to tell
her we should work things out. For
the sake of the kids. She wasn't
buying it, though.(Pause) Too bad
marriage doesn't come with
malpractice insurance...So now I
have neither. Katy isn't going to
play second fiddle, and Janie
wants nothing to do with me now.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. THEO'S BEDROOM - DAY
                                                            
THEO JOHNSON, black/mexican mix, MID 30's, is sitting in his
bedroom, watching a porn. It is obvious by his hand motion
that he is VIGOROUSLY MASTERBATING.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
This is my friend Theo. We've
known each other since high
school. He hasn't changed much
since then. Brainy, he's a hedge
fund manager. Even has celebrity
clients. Makes awesome money,
like high six figures.
                                                            
                       THEO'S MOM (vo)
Theo, dinner's ready!
                                                            
                       THEO
      (irritated)
Dammit, I'll be right there mom,
geez!
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
Aaaand, he still lives with his
parents, even though he can afford
not to.
                                                            

3.

                       THEO'S MOM (vo)
Theo! Come and eat your pinche
menudo!
                                                            
Theo CLIMAXES, but SCREAMS at his mom at the same time.
                                                            
                       THEO
I'm coming!
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
                                                            
JOHNNY A LA MODE is dancing with several other guys.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
This is Johnny. What can I say
about him? He's funny, a great
dancer. He didn't come out until
later. Way later. He was even
married to a woman for a while.
Johnny and Katy were best friends
in high school, and by default,
when Katy and I got together, we
became friends too.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Aw yeah, shake that thang!
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. ALEX'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
The third and final friend, ALEX MACIAS, is having a party
at his home. The beer is flowing, there are women in
bikini's, beer pong is being played and the music is loud.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
And this is Alex. Yeah, you
probably recognize him. Alex
Macias, former all star NBA
player. We always knew he would
make it big one day. And then, he
blew it...
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 

4.

INT. LOCKER ROOM - FIVE YEARS AGO - EVENING
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
Alex was celebrating his team's
playoff victory. With the owner's
wife. The team owner's very.
Naked. Wife.
                                                            
ALEX HAVING SEX WITH A BLONDE WOMAN AGAINST THE LOCKERS
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
And if that wasn't bad enough, it
included a three way with one of
the cheerleaders. It was rumored
that the wife and her were
sleeping together and anyway...
                                                            
CHEERLEADER COMES IN AND JOINS THEM
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
Alex was fired from the team. From
the NBA even. And lost his
endorsements. He had a good ten
year run, so he wasn't upset about
it. Ended up an upswing. Theo is
his money guy, so he made sure
Alex invested wisely, which he
did. He's doing okay.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. KYLE'S CAR - DAY
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
      (driving away)
Alex is one of the coolest in the
world, and not because of his
fame. We've each other since we
were 5. Grew up in the same
neighborhood. And his house is
where I'll be calling home for the
foresesable future. He's been
one of my best friends, along with
Katy's, since high school. It's
time for him to pick a side
though, since a battle is on the
horizon.
                                                            
 

5.

INT. DIVE BAR - MALIBU - AFTERNOON
                                                            
They guys are sitting around a table, catching up and
drinking beers.
                                                            
                       ALEX
      (To Theo)
Tried calling you last night, man.
What you do? You should have
seen the chicks at my house last
night, they were sweet! It was
raging.
                                                            
HE MAKES A FEW CRUDE GESTURES WITH HIS HANDS AND HIPS
                                                            
                       THEO
Had myself a threesome with some
beautiful women.
                                                            
                       KYLE
You know you need two others to
make a threesome, right? Sounds
more like you had a handsome to
me.
                                                            
Theo FLIPS OFF Kyle. Kyle smiles.
                                                            
                       THEO
Yeah you're right. But still, at
least I won't get any diseases
like Captain Chlamydia here. (nods
his head toward Alex)
                                                            
                       ALEX
How many times do I have to tell
you, it wasn't chlamydia?!
                                                            
                       THEO
Whatever, chlamydia, crabs…it's
all the same.
                                                            
ALEX FLIPS HIM OFF
                                                            
                       KYLE
It's great to see you guys. It
really is.
                                                            
A BEAUTIFUL BRUNETTE APPROACHES THEM
                                                            
                       FAN GIRL #1
Hi, sorry, excuse me, but are you
Alex Macias?
                                                            

6.

                       ALEX
I sure am gorgeous. How can I do
you for?
                                                            
ALEX SMILES AND WINKS, SITTING BACK IN HIS CHAIR
                                                            
                       FAN GIRL #1
I was wondering if I could take a
picture with you?
                                                            
                       ALEX
Come and sit on daddy's lap.
                                                            
JOHNNY ROLLS HIS EYES, TURNING HIS ATTENTION TO KYLE
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Sorry about you and Katy though.
Thought for sure you guys would
last.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Yeah, well...
                                                            
                       THEO
Dude, Janie Brisbee though? She
always had those nice chest
bubbles.
                                                            
ALEX SMACKS HER ASS AS SHE LEAVES.
                                                            
                       ALEX
Oh yeah, I've thought about motor
boating those babies a time or
two…Sorry Kyle, no offense.
                                                            
                       KYLE
It's alright. We're not together
anymore.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Wait, you and Janie? What the
hell?Dude, not cool.
                                                            
                       KYLE
I know. I'm an asshole.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Several guys have gone a few
rounds with her. Better get
yourself checked out.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Noted.
                                                            

7.

                       THEO
So what's her rack like unleashed?
Bet it's more then a mouthful.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Theo. Just, no.
                                                            
                       THEO
Katy's a really pretty lady
compadre, but she's got buttercups
compared to Janie's mounds.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Theo don't be talking about my
wifes breasts, okay?
                                                            
                       THEO
      (shrugs)
Soon to be ex-wife. Just saying.
                                                            
                       ALEX
So Johnny, Theo says you guys have
been working out quite a bit.
You're looking good, man.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Thank you.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Oh yeah? (To Theo) So why do you
still look a before?
                                                            
                       THEO
A before?
                                                            
                       KYLE
Yeah you know, where's the after
photo? You look like a before
still.
                                                            
                       THEO
Fuck you guys.
                                                            
                       ALEX
It's because he doesn't have a
wife to nag him.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Nope, just his mother.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Yeah, Theo, help me understand.
Why do you live at home still?
Christ, you're rolling in the
            (MORE)

8.

                       KYLE (cont'd)
dough. You can afford to buy two
homes.
                                                            
                       THEO
Yeah and after seeing Alex lose
his career as well as his wife,
and seeing that you are going to
get divorced and about to lose it
all? I'm good.
                                                            
                       KYLE
What? Why?
                                                            
                       THEO
I'm an only child. My parent's
pad is huge, right?
                                                            
                       ALEX
      (agreeing)
Yeah it's bigger then my crib.
                                                            
                       THEO
If I get married, which I never
will by the way, but if I did -
it's a five thousand square foot
home. More then enough room. If
I ended up getting divorced -
well, I won't lose the house
because it isn't in my name, it
belongs to my parents. And, I
inherit the house when my parents
die. So, win-win.
                                                            
                       ALEX
That right there, is why he is my
money man. Always thinking
logically.
                                                            
HE KISSES THEO ON THE HEAD
                                                            
                       THEO
All that extra cheddar gives me
the chance to hang out at all the
ritzy clubs with this baller here.
Fancy vacay's, drive around in my
lambo...
                                                            
                       KYLE
So, Johnny. Tell me, what's with
calling yourself 'a la Mode' now?
What's that about? Think I've
lost track over how many times
            (MORE)

9.

                       KYLE (cont'd)
you've changed your name.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
I'm all the rage, served up sweet
on the side.
                                                            
                       ALEX
      (laughs)
Whatever dude.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
      (coyly)
What's so funny? It worked like a
charm on your old team mate...
                                                            
                       ALEX
Wait, you don't mean?
                                                            
ALEX EYES HIM AS IF HE UNDERSTANDS WHO
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Mmm hmmm.
                                                            
                       ALEX
You little man-whore.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Wow. Sounds like you all have
some interesting lives and I'm
just a boring old doctor.
                                                            
                       THEO
Your life isn't boring! You do
something that is very important.
                                                            
                       ALEX
Yeah man, this lifestyle of mine
can get very lonely…
                                                            
LONG PAUSE, THEN ALEX GUFFAWS LOUDLY
                                                            
                       KYLE
It is great to see you guys again.
Getting the gang all together
like this. Wish it was under
different circumstances though.
                                                            
                       THEO
So you're going to be pitching
your tent at Alex's house of sin?
                                                            

10.

                       KYLE
      (To Alex)
House of sin?
                                                            
                       ALEX
It's nothing. I've just had a
couple of get togethers, had a
couple of chicks there. No
biggie.
                                                            
WICKED LAUGHTER FROM THEO
                                                            
                       KYLE
Look guys, I don't...
                                                            
                       ALEX
You need to get back up on that
horse, man! No time to waste!
Ride it and ride it hard!
                                                            
                       THEO
That's what I'm talking about.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
Or, you just need to come to the
dark side…You might like it, Kyle.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Wait, what? No…No I'm not riding
anything…No dark side either. I
don't bat for the home team,
Johnny. No offense.
                                                            
                       JOHNNY
I'm just saying, with your looks,
you would have any man you want.
                                                            
                       KYLE
No, I don't want any man. I don't
want A man. (To Alex) OR woman.
I need to figure things out. I
just need to crash at your place
for a while until I have somewhere
to go.
                                                            
                       THEO
You don't think Katy is going to
be going out and having fun?
Please...
                                                            

11.

                       KYLE
If she does, I deserve that. And
she deserves to be happy if she
finds that.
                                                            
                       ALEX
All I'm saying is. Take advantage
of this time. You're a single
dude now. You don't have any
obligations.
                                                            
                       KYLE
      (stutters)
I….I have two kids…And I still
have a wife. I will always have
an obligation to them. Whether
things work out or not. Don't you
have to pay any kind of spousal
support, Alex?
                                                            
                       ALEX
Had to fork over a hundred grand.
Ten grand for every month we were
married. I figured out I wasn't
cut out for the whole marriage
thing.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Still, I can't...
                                                            
                       ALEX
      (nudges Kyle)
Hey can I ask you something?
                                                            
                       KYLE
Yeah sure.
                                                            
                       ALEX
If you're done with Janie, can I
have her number?
                                                            
KYLE ROLLS HIS EYES.
                                                            
                       THEO
Uck, dude isn't that like crossing
swords?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 

12.

INT. ALEX'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
He's hosting another raging party. Chicks are walking
around in bikini's, lines of coke are being sniffed off
hipbones. Kyle has been hiding out in his room upstairs and
is busy putting away his belongings in a dresser.

He heads out of the room trying to find the bathroom, and
opens one of the doors in the hallway. Instead, he walks in
on Alex in his bedroom, BANGING a girl from behind, who in
turn is making out with a girl on the bed.
                                                            
                       ALEX
You want in on this? You can take
the one on the bottom!
                                                            
                       KYLE
I uh…No...
                                                            
KYLE QUICKLY CLOSES THE DOOR SHAKING HIS HEAD
                                                            
                       KYLE
I gotta get out of here.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
EXT. ALEX'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
KYLE IS GETTING INTO HIS CAR
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. KYLE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Kyle looks tired, but is driving, playing with the radio
trying to find something to wake him up.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
EXT. KYLE'S HOUSE - LATER
                                                            
He parks down the street from his house, and can see Katy
and their twins, daughter BELLE and son LIAM doing something
in the kitchen. Despite the change, all three look happy
and normal as if life just goes on. Kyle leans his head on
the steering wheel and begins to cry.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Aw shit. What did I do?
                                                            

13.

Kyle's phone starts to ring on his seat. Glancing over at
it, he sees that it is Alex calling. Relucantly, he picks
it up.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Alex.
                                                            
                       ALEX (vo)
Duuuuude! Where did you go? Party
is just getting started?
                                                            
KYLE ROLLS HIS EYES, THROWING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE HEADREST
                                                            
                       KYLE
I needed some quiet time.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. ALEX'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alex has the phone in one hand, a beer in the other, and it
is apparent that he is also getting a blow job -- by the
brunette he met at the bar earlier.
                                                            
                       ALEX
Can you bring some more beer?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. KYLE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
KYLE HANGS UP
                                                            
                       KYLE
Shit.
                                                            
The phone rings again. Assuming it's Alex, Kyle picks it up
and begins...
                                                            
                       KYLE
Dammit Alex, not right now. I
just need to be alone.
                                                            
                       JANIE (vo)
      (softly)
Kyle?
                                                            
                       KYLE
Janie. What do you want?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 

14.

INT. JANIE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
She's lounging on her bedspread - a pink and white zebra
design. Her bedroom is full of black and pink and lace and
oozes tackiness. She dressed in a cheetah print baby doll,
which classes with her room.
                                                            
                       JANIE
I heard about you and Katy. I'm
so sorry to hear that.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
Are you.
                                                            
                       JANIE
I could use some company right
now.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. KYLE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Kyle doesn't say anything. He turns his attention back to
watching his family having fun without him. Tapping his
head, he contemplates what to do.
                                                            
                       KYLE
It's not a good time.
                                                            
HE DECIDES TO HANG UP ON HER.
                                                            
A car that he doesn't recognize pulls up into the darkened
driveway. He sees the silhouette of a man get out then
walk up to the front door. Katy comes out to give him a
hug. Kyle is too far away to see who it is.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Who the fuck?!
                                                            
He turns the engine and slowly creeps forward. The Audi has
paper plates. Kyle shakes his head.
                                                            
                       KYLE
You lying little…dammit!
                                                            
He guns the engine, heading down the street.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 

15.

EXT. JANIE'S CONDO - LATER
                                                            
He is vigorously ringing the doorbell. Janie answers it,
opening the door, proudly sticking her large breasts in
front of her.
                                                            
                       JANIE
Couldn't stay away?
                                                            
He walks in before he changes his mind.
                                                            
 
INT. CAFE ONE MONTH LATER - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Kyle is sitting at a table in the corner, FIDGETING. He
checks his watch, then the clock on the wall. He doesn't
think that Katy will show up. A few seconds later, she
walks in through the front door.

Her hair is lighter, her clothes are tighter and her
confidence is obvious. Heads turn as she walks toward Kyle.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
Why is it, women always look so
much hotter after a breakup?
                                                            
                       KATY
Hello Kyle. You look. (long
pause) Well.
                                                            
                       KYLE
I can always tell when you're
lying. You pause before saying
something. By the way, you look
amazing. Hitting the gym?
                                                            
HE FLEXES, TAPPING A BICEP.
                                                            
                       KATY
You're one to talk when it comes
to lying. Anyway, I took up krav
maga. I see you haven't been to
the gym in a while.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Okay. I deserve that.
                                                            
                       KATY
So, why did you want to meet?
                                                            
                       KYLE
I've just been thinking about you
and the kids and...
                                                            

16.

His train of thought is derailed when Janie suddenly walks
in, heading to the front counter to place an order. Kyle
slumps down in his chair, trying to hide his face with his
hands.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Aww shit. Shit!
                                                            
                       KATY
What?
                                                            
                       KYLE
Katy, just don't turn around.
Maybe she'll leave.
                                                            
KATY TURNS AROUND ANYWAY. SHE STARES AT KYLE LIVID.
                                                            
                       KATY
Kyle? What the fuck is she doing
here? Did you know she would be
here?
                                                            
                       KYLE
No, no, no, no, no. I"ve never
been here before. I asked to see
you here because I thought it was
a neutral place. And you like
coffee.
                                                            
SHE TURNS TO STARE AT JANIE, WHO NOTICES.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Oh god. She sees us.
                                                            
                       KATY
If she has an ounce of sense, she
won't even come this way. (sighs)
Honestly, Kyle. You did this on
purpose, didn't you?
                                                            
                       KYLE
What? No, why? Why would I do
something so stupid?
                                                            
KATY JUST RAISES HER BROWS AT HIM. SHE IS FUMING.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Oh shit, she's walking over here.
                                                            
                       KATY
      (hissing)
What!
                                                            

17.

                       KYLE
      (through his teeth)
She's coming.
                                                            
                       KATY
Moron.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Just try to stay calm. We're in a
public place.
                                                            
                       KATY
Me stay ca...
                                                            
JANIE CUTS HER OFF
                                                            
                       JANIE
I don't mean to interrupt.
                                                            
                       KATY
Not. Another. Word.
                                                            
KATY'S FINGER IS UP, IN A THREATENING MOTION
                                                            
                       JANIE
I just want to apologize...
                                                            
                       KATY
Anything else comes out of that
mouth of yours, I will cunt punch
you. I will cunt punch you so
damn hard, you will never, ever be
able to have sex with a man,
married or single, EVER again. And
after I cunt punch you, I am going
to break that ugly little nose of
yours and twist your...
                                                            
                       KYLE
Honey, just relax. Please
don't….(clears throat) punch
anyone…there...
                                                            
                       KATY
You defending this whore? Huh?
                                                            
                       KYLE
No, I...
                                                            

18.

                       KATY
Wait. I do have one question for
your little whore here. (To
Janie) When is the last time you
slept with my husband?
                                                            
                       JANIE
I don't know. About a month ago
It was after you kicked him
out...I truly am sor...
                                                            
                       KYLE
I…I…I….It was a mistake!
                                                            
                       KATY
      (To Kyle)
You son of a bitch!
                                                            
                       KYLE
You! You should talk. I saw a
man there at our house.
                                                            
                       KATY
      (angry)
What man? I don't have any man or
men coming to my house with my
kids there!
                                                            
                       KYLE
Paper plate new car Audi man, ha!
Busted.
                                                            
                       KATY
That's my brother's new car, you
idiot! You spying on me? You spy
and you don't even recognize my
own big brother? So you go and
sleep with this nasty little cunt?
                                                            
A PRIMAL GROWL comes out of Katy. She throws the chair back
from behind her, balls her fist and aims head on into
Janie's crotch, where the shot freezes.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
You can guess how that day ended.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
EXT. CAFE - LATER
                                                            
KATY IS HANDCUFFED AND BEING LED INSIDE THE PATROL CAR
                                                            

19.

Janie is sitting on a wall, an ice pack on top of her
crotch, while medics assess what appears to be a broken
nose. Kyle looks over at Janie, shaking his head, then
walks toward his wife. Her eyes get wide, as if warning him
not to get any closer.
                                                            
                       KYLE
I'll go the house and take care of
the kids until we figure out what
to do next. I'll find out about
bail...
                                                            
                       OFFICER #1
Mrs. Cumberland, you are being
arrested for assault.
                                                            
                       KATY
      (looking at camera)
Totally worth it.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 
INT. KATY'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Kyle is on the couch, sitting with his children, reading a
book to them.
                                                            
                       LIAM
Daddy, how long is mommy going to
be at the spa? I miss her.
                                                            
                       KYLE
It might be a couple of days.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
What? you didn't expect to tell
my nine year old twins that mommy
was in jail for cunt punching my
ex-whatever…?
                                                            
                       BELLE
Are you going to live with us
again?
                                                            
                       KYLE
I don't know baby. I just don't
know. Mommy and I have to work
some things out.
                                                            
                       LIAM
Did you do something bad?
                                                            

20.

                       KYLE
Sometimes…Grownups do stupid
things.
                                                            
                       BELLE
Did you do something stupid?
                                                            
KYLE SIGHS
                                                            
                       LIAM
Are you a bad guy?
                                                            
                       KYLE
No honey. I'm not a bad guy.
                                                            
                       BELLE
If you don't love mommy, you still
love us, right?
                                                            
                       KYLE
Wait, who said? I will always
love you and Liam no matter
what...
                                                            
                       LIAM
And mommy too.
                                                            
                       KYLE
Yes, and mommy too.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
At this point, I don't know if
there is any fixing what has
happened. How do you know if
you've gone beyond broken? How do
you know when it's time to end? Is
there anything left to salvage
between Katy and myself? Do I
even want to...
                                                            
HE LOOKS AT HIS CHILDREN, KISSING THEM.
                                                            
                       KYLE (vo)
At least, I have my babies. I
will always have them. And I will
always be here for them, no matter
what.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO
                                                            
 

21.

INT. JAIL - BOOKING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Katy is taking her booking photo's. She can't help but
smirk.
                                                            
                       JAILER
Ma'am, can you please try not to
smile?
                                                            
Katy can't help it, she starts laughing.
                                                            
                       KATY
Like I said earlier, totally worth
it.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Brian Lundson Date 7/21/2015 **1/2
I really liked your other stuff on here. You seem to bang out TV pilots for fun can clearly write well so I thought I'd give this one a read. It's a good first draft. It's pretty funny. I just don't think it's doing anything original though. In your next draft you should focus on getting across what is unique about these characters and their situation.

From Tyler Junell Date 7/22/2014 **1/2
You have a good start here. I just feel like something is missing. I am not sure what it is at this moment, but I will post it after I read it a few more times over.


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