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Night in New York
by thomas finn (thomasjfinn@live.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Musicals   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED



This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



NIGHT IN NEW YORK

INT. BARE STAGE WITH PODIUM STAGE RIGHT - NIGHT
                                                            
                                         FADE UP FROM
DARKNESS AT END OF
OVERTURE
                                                            
Fog and Lightening Happen. Devil walks out with horns on
head and a blazer with a clipboard in hand looking chipper.
                                                            
EmCee Walks to podium which is under spotlight
                                                            
                       DEVIL
Ah hello! It's nice to see you all
here. As the more perceptive of
you have probably realised by now,
this is Hell, and I am the Devil,
good evening, but you can call me
Toby, if you like. We try to keep
things informal here, as well as
infernal. That's just a little
joke of mine. I tell it every
time.
Now, you're all here for.....
Eternity! Ooh, which I hardly need
tell you is a heck of a long time,
so you'll all get to know each
other pretty well by the end.
But for now I'm going to have to
split you up in
groups.

Will You Stop
Screaming!
Thank you.
Now, murderers? Murderers over
here, please, thank you. Looters
and Pillagers over there. Thieves,
if you could join them, and
Lawyers, you're in that lot too.
Fornicators - if you could step
forward? My God, there are a lot
of you! Could I split you up into
Adulterers and the rest? Male
adulterers, if you could just form
a line in front of that small
Guillotine in the corner.
Em... The French, are you here? If
you would just like to come down
here with the Germans. I'm sure
you'll have plenty to talk about.
Okay, atheists? Atheists over here
please. You must be feeling a
right bunch of Nitwits. Never
            (MORE)

2.

                       DEVIL (cont'd)
mind.
And finally, Christians.
Christians? Ah, yes, I'm sorry but
I'm afraid the Jews were right. If
you would come down here, that
would be really fine.
Okay! Right, well are there any
questions? Yes. No, I'm afraid
there aren't any toilets. If you
read your Bible, you might have
seen that it was damnation without
relief, so if you did not go
before you came, then I'm afraid
you're not going to enjoy yourself
very much, but then I believe
that's the idea.
Okay. Well, it's over to you,
Adolf! And I'll catch you all
later at the barbecue. Bye!
                                                            
 
INT. HOUSE AS THE EMCEE - NIGHT
                                                            
UpBeat Music of the Golden Music Plays as the Emcee walks
out (award ceremony style)
                                                            
                       EMCEE
Good evening ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to the Cabaret/Variety
Show, Night in New York. Tonight
you will venture through New York
City, and see the city that never
sleeps through the eyes of the
sober, the drunk, the entertainers
and the audience. We begin our
venture in a small cabaret space
of of 27th Street call Studio 64,
our stage is bare yet for a
solitary microphone and gentlemen
indulging in the clubs finest
watered down whiskey.
                                                            
                                         SPOTLIGHT CHAGNES
FROM PODIUM TO
CENTRE STAGE ON
MICROPHONE
                                                            
(Emcee walks slowly to the microphone as the ballad begins,
the two men at the table behind her sip their drinks and
enjoy the performance in silence)
                                                            

3.

                       EMCEE
      (Singing)
The Man That Got Away - J. Garland
                                                            
                       EMCEE
The night is bitter,
The stars have lost their glitter,

The winds grow colder
And suddenly you're older,
And all because of the man that
got away.
No more his eager call,
The writing's on the wall,
The dreams you dreamed have all
Gone astray.

The man that won you
Has gone off and undone you.
That great beginning
Has seen the final inning.
Don't know what happened.

It's all a crazy game!
No more that all-time thrill,
For you've been through the mill,
And never a new love will be the
same, Be the same.

Good riddance, good-bye!
Ev'ry trick of his you're on to.
But, fools will be fools,
And where's he gone to?
The road gets rougher,
It's lonelier and tougher.
With hope you burn up,

Tomorrow he may turn up.

There's just no letup the
live-long night and day!
Ever since this world began
There is nothing sadder than
A one-man woman looking for
The man that got away,
The man that got away.
                                                            
 
INT. MEN AT TABLE DRINKING - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
                                         LIGHTS THEN TURN TO
TWO MEN AT THE TABLE
                                                            

4.

                       PAULY
      (while applauding)
Wow, what a talent. I say she
reminds me of my old gal she
does...
                                                            
                       JERRY
      (Sipping Drink)
Oh ya? Wait a minute you've got a
gal somewhere?
                                                            
                       PAULY
No, no. My old gal I said OLD gal.
Nah, havent loved another since
she left me.
                                                            
                       JERRY
She leave ya for another fellow?
                                                            
                       PAULY
Nah, shes dead.
                                                            
                       JERRY
Whadda-whadda ya mean shes dead
Pauly?
                                                            
                       PAULY
I mean shes dead, shes done, over
the hill, under ground, shes
breahted her last she is one with
the dirt.
                                                            
                       JERRY
Oh gheeze, Im real sorry Pauly.
How'd it happen?
                                                            
                       PAULY
Funny story really, but I-I dunno
if I wanna get into it I mean
I-I..
                                                            
                       JERRY
Ah come on, I'll get cha a
drink...
                                                            
                       PAULY
Oh alright then Jerry here it
is...
                                                            
Pauly begins "Clemintine" - by Bobby Darin
                                                            

5.

                       PAULY
      (singing)
In a cavern
Down by a canyon
Excavatin' for a mine
There lived a miner
From North Carolina
And... his daughter
Chubby Clementine.

Now, every mornin'
Yeah... just about dawnin'
When the sun
Began to shine
You know she would rouse up
Wake all-a-dem cows up
And... walk 'em down to her
Daddy's mine.

I took the footbridge
Way 'cross the water
Though she weighed
Two ninety-nine
The old bridge trembled
And disassembled... oops!
Dumped her into the foamy brine.

Hey... crack like thunder... hut,
hut...
You know she went under... hut,
hut...
Blowin' bubbles down the line
Hey! I'm no swimm'a
But were she slimm'a
I might'a saved
That Clementine.

Ho... she broke the record
Way under water
I thought that she was doin' fine
I wasn't nervous
Not until the service
That they held
For Clementine.

Hey... you sailor... hut, hut...
Way out in your whaler
A-with your harpoon an' your
trusty line
If she shows now, yell...
A-there she blows now!
It just may be
Chunky, Clementine.

One more time!

            (MORE)

6.

                       PAULY (cont'd)
Oh, my darlin'... oh, my darlin'
Oh, my darlin'... oh, my darlin'
Oh, my darlin'... sweet Clementine
You may be gone... but...
You're not forgotten
Fare thee well...
So long...
Clementine...
Bye!
                                                            
Pauly sits back down with Jerry as Jerry is looking overtly
happy.
                                                            
                       JERRY
What a woman!
                                                            
                       PAULY
Yeah, she was a classy gal, Jer.
                                                            
                       JERRY
Well come on then, lets get out of
here pal, get in a cab and go
somewhere nice and celebrate.
                                                            
                       PAULY
Ah you're forgetting Jer, we can't
afford that, heck I'm doing 12
hours here for yesterdays drinks!
                                                            
                       JERRY
Couple O' Swell's ain't Paul. Well
c'mon then, place is closing down
we'll take the old heel toe
express.
                                                            
                       PAULY
Couple O' Swells indeed!
                                                            
The two begin "We're A Couple of Swells"
                                                            
                       PAULY (Jerry)
      (DUET)
We're a couple of swells
We stop at the best hotels
But we prefer the country far away
from the city smells
We're a couple of sports
The pride of the tennis courts
In June, July and August we look
cute when we're dressed in shorts
The Vanderbilts have asked us up
for tea
We don't know how to get there, no
            (MORE)

7.

                       PAULY (cont'd)
siree
No, siree

We would drive up the Avenue, but
we haven't got the price
We would skate up the Avenue, but
there isn't any ice
We would ride on a bicycle, but we
haven't got a bike
So we'll walk up the Avenue
Yes, we'll walk up the Avenue
And to walk up the Avenue's what
we like

Wall Street bankers are we
With plenty of currency
We'd open up the safe but we
forgot where we put the key
We're the favorite lads
Of girls in the picture ads
We'd like to tell you who we
kissed last night but we can't be
cads
The Vanderbilts are waiting at the
club
But how are we to get there,
that's the rub
That's the rub

We would sail up the Avenue, but
we haven't got a yacht
We would drive up the Avenue, but
the horse we had was shot
We would ride on a trolley car but
we haven't got the fare
So we'll walk up the Avenue
Yes, we'll walk up the Avenue
Yes, we'll walk up the Avenue till
we're there

We would swim up the Avenue but we
haven't any lake
So we'll walk up the Avenue
Yes, we'll walk up the Avenue
Yes, a walk up the Avenue's what
we'll take
                                                            
                                         THE TWO EXIT AS
STREET MUSIC PLAYS,
THEY "PASS" STREET
PERFORMERS
                                                            
 

8.

EXT. STREET PERFORMING COMICS - NIGHT
                                                            
INSERT KEVIN & FRIENDS SKETCH AS "STREET PERFORMERS"
                                                            
 
INT. CAB DRIVER SCENE - NIGHT
                                                            
                                         2 PERSONS HAIL A
CAB, THE CAB DRIVER
IS SAM THE COMEDIAN,
THE SCENE TAKES
PLACE IN HIS "CAB"
                                                            
The cab comes on either as a half cut out of cab our simply
chairs and the improvisation of a cab.
                                                            
INSERT SAM'S COMEDY PIECE HERE
                                                            
Girls Exit Cab, Leaving Sam Speaking to Himself, Girls have
said something of the dance show they're late for.
                                                            
                                         LIGHTS OUT ON CAB
DRIVER. FADE IN FROM
BLACK TO THE ALL
FEMALE DANCE CREW
                                                            
 
INT. A DANCE CLUB - BOSS DANCE COMPANY DANCE PIECE - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
INSERT KELSEY AND DANCE COMPANIES DANCE ROUTINE
                                                            
 
INT. INSIDE BROADWAY CLUB - NIGHT
                                                            
Emcee returns to introduce the Broadway MashUp about to
happen, taking time to thank some sponsors and crack some
jokes ect ect
                                                            
                       EMCEE
WELL WELL WELL! Give it up for the
ladies of BOSS DANCE COMPANY all
the way from Toronto Canada! Crazy
Canucks....(dialog dialog dialog)
                                                            
MUSICALS MASHUP WITH DANCERS, SINGERS, MOVEMENT, ACTING
                                                            
classic broadway musicals, differnt singers, lots of dancing
and then one final song to bring us to INTERMISSION.
                                                            
 
INT. INTERMISSION - DAY
                                                            
 

9.

INT. ATTENDANCE FOR AFTER BREAK - EVENING
                                                            
                       PROFESSOR DIXX
Right come on setle down please.
Answer your names.
Anus.
Arsebandett
Bottom
Clitoris. Where are you clitoris?
Doodoo
Enema
Fistupp...come on grow up please.
Genital...I'm sorry Jenital.
Herpes...Still with us I see eh?
Imudik. IMUDICK?
Enema you know Imudik dont you?
Jaculation?
Mipric. Has anyone seen Mipric?
Come on somebody must have seen
Mipric. Remind me to beat Miprick
when he arrives will you.
Nicenquik?
Ontopp?
Pube?
Ah, Mipric so good of you to turn
up. Yes well now that you are here
Mipric you best find
aseat...Bottom squeeze Mipric in
there somewhere.
Riggid?
Our Russian exchange
student...Sukmiov?
Tiitfit?
Upyorsh?
Vulva?
Yorpric
and Zippa? Zippa? Absent...
Now boys the Headmaster has asked
me to speak to you this morning on
the subject of Smut. All members
of staff this morning have noticed
the alarming increase in the use
of silly humour and purile inuendo
about the school...RIGID FISTUP
BOTTOM...OUT!

There have been some disgusting
doodleings on the bathroom
stalls...SIT UP STRAIGHT Untop!
One or two unpleasent health
magazines have been found- IF YOU
FALL ASLEEP UNTOP I SHALL BE VERY
ANNOYED...
And Mr Hardon tells me theres been
            (MORE)

10.

                       PROFESSOR DIXX (cont'd)
heavy sniggering in his biology
class...TIGHTHEAD FOR HEAVEN SAKES
LEAVE URPRIC ALONE!
I will not put up with this kind
of behaviour boys. And neither I
must warn you will Mr
Gritbighardcok. This is a school
for the sons of gentlemen. The
theory is that one day you will
turn into gntlemen
yourselves...that is with the
exception of Genitall, who appears
to be turning into a ferret. So
there will be an end to this
second hume toilet humour. Right
I'm going to the staff room now
but if I come back and catch
Herpes in the hallway like the
headmaster did yesterday...then
there'll be trouble.
                                                            
 
INT. EMCEE INTRODUCES BROADWAYS ALADDIN - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
                       EMCEE
Well thank you Mr Dixx, and now
ladies and gentlemen, we have a
special treat for you...LIVE FROM
NEW YORK...ITS DISNEY'S ALADDIN!
                                                            
                       GENIE
Well Ali Baba had them forty
thieves
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand
tales
But master you in luck 'cause up
your sleeves
You got a brand of magic never
fails
You got some power in your corner
now
Some heavy ammunition in your camp
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo
and how
See all you gotta do is rub that
lamp
And I'll say

Mister Aladdin, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend like
            (MORE)

11.

                       GENIE (cont'd)
me
No no no

Life is your restaurant
And I'm your maitre d'
C'mon whisper what it is you want
You ain't never had a friend like
me

Yes sir, we pride ourselves on
service
You're the boss
The king, the shah
Say what you wish
It's yours! True dish
How about a little more Baklava?

Have some of column "A"
Try all of column "B"
I'm in the mood to help you dude
You ain't never had a friend like
me

Can your friends do this?
Do your friends do that?
Do your friends pull this out
their little hat?
Can your friends go, poof?
Well, looky here
Can your friends go, Abracadabra,
let 'er rip
And then make the sucker
disappear?

So doncha sit there slack jawed,
buggy eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday
prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a genie for your chare
d'affaires
I got a powerful urge to help you
out
So what-cha wish? I really wanna
know
You got a list that's three miles
long, no doubt
Well, all you gotta do is rub like
so - and oh

Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish
or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob
            (MORE)

12.

                       GENIE (cont'd)
You ain't never had a friend,
never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend,
never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like
me
You ain't never had a friend like
me, hah!
                                                            
                                         ENTIRE CAST EXITS
THROUGH "BACK-STAGE
DOORS" TO MEET THEIR
"FANS"
                                                            
 
EXT. PATTI & DEB IN NYC - NIGHT
                                                            
Cast is running out the doors past Patti & Deb, one or two
sign their programs
                                                            
INSERT PATTI & DEB DIALOG HERE
                                                            
AND THEN THE GUITAR SKETCH WITH PATTI & DEB
                                                            
                       PATTI
....oh Deb I am PARCHED, should we
head to 47th now to that there
Burlesque theatre? - funnies
written.
                                                            
                                         FADE TO BLACK WITH
VOICE OVER AS IF IN
CAB, NYC SOUNDS
                                                            
 
INT. OLD RATPACK CLUB - NIGHT
                                                            
WRITE IN RATPACK DIALOG TO BE RESEARCHED!!!
                                                            
Songs, few back up dancers, Comedy and Scenes from back
then.
                                                            
ME & MY SHADOW / WELL DID YOU EVAH / SIDE BY SIDE
                                                            
                       THOMAS
      (drunk)
okay boys, bout time to head
downstairs to check them gu-yls
out dont cha think?
                                                            

13.

                       CHRIS
Yeah but who be the women and who
be the men am I right!?
                                                            
                       KEVIN
Alls I knows is theres BJs to be
had!
                                                            
                                         ALL EXIT
                                                            
                                         LIGHT OUT, PUMP UP
JAZZ SWING MUSIC IS
PUMPED, CROWD SOUNDS
HEARD.
                                                            
 
INT. BURLESQUE THEATRE - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
 
INT. EMCEE CLOSING - NIGHT
                                                            
                       EMCEE
Jokes & Reflection of what
happened. Name sponsors. And
welcome to stage entire cast for
one last performance.
                                                            
 
INT. ALL CAST LIPSYNC - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
piece together songs for hilarious lipsync
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS' THANKS & MY WAY - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
                       THOMAS
      (Singing)
My Way - as Cast joins after first
chorus
                                                            


THE END


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