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The Lighter Side of BLISS
by Anne Biondich (Lindaboots66@gmail.com)

Rated: PG-13   Genre: Comedy   User Review: ***
Comedy pilot. Woman , Annie in her 40's is forced to deal with horrible life circumstances and takes a job that is beneath her skills and intelligence. At this job she discovers who she really is and that sometimes we may not be prepared for adversity and sometimes the most horrible situation can be the most healing in the long run.Ghetto Job ..It changes you.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



THE LIGHTER SIDE OF BLISS

FADE IN:

INT. CALL CENTER BROOKLYN N.Y. - DAY
                                                            
COLD OPEN
                                                            
It's 8am and everyone is scrambling to get to their seats on
time.
                                                            
The Emperor calls a meeting and gathers all around
                                                            
                       THE EMPEROR
I don't understand how people are
late every morning and can't find
their way to the desk they are
assigned to.
                                                            
                       JARED
With all due respect sir, there
was a major train delay this
morning. Another jumper on the Q
train.
                                                            
                       THE EMPEROR
and that stops you how??? You know
you are all privileged to have a
job at all.. to have a job here is
something you should be grateful
for. Its a real opportunity.
                                                            
                       JARED
      (Saractically)
Yeah a REAL opportunity.
                                                            
                       HELGA
      (To Jared)
Hush your mouth!
                                                            
                       JARED
Whatever makes you happy Helga!
                                                            
Moments later 5 other lost souls come to the floor. The
Emperor looks at them with disdain.
                                                            
The Emperor just stares at them and looks at the clock
                                                            
                       JARED
I think they were on that train
Sir.
                                                            

2.

                       THE EMPEROR
Thank-you Mr. Stanford MBA ..have
a seat Ladies and gentlemen.
                                                            
The Emperor pauses and continues..starts walking back and
forth in a "Hitler Style". Jared Impersonates him.
                                                            
                       THE EMPEROR
YOU should ALL be here MORNING,
NOON,AND NIGHT!"
                                                            
                       JARED
..Morning, Noon and night
                                                            
                       THE EMPEROR
People are lining out the door
waiting to get in!.. You know when
I was your age I walked to my job
to get there on time in a
snowstorm...
                                                            
The Emperor continues his rant. They ALL feel as if they are
on a pirates plank ready to be pushed off to sea.
                                                            
                       JARED
Aye! Aye! Captain!
                                                            
                       ALL
Aye Aye Captain!
                                                            
All of sudden the lights get dim and you hear an ominous
sound. Someone screams out!
                                                            
                       GUY #1
Ahhhhh! Run for your lives!
                                                            
                       GUY #2
OH No its the Firing squad!
They're coming!!
                                                            
5 employees get taken away by the firing squad...
                                                            
                                         COLD OPEN ENDS
                                                            
TITLE: THE LIGHTER SIDE OF BLISS
                                                            
 
INT. MAMA'S HOUSE SHEEPSHEAD BAY, BROOKLYN N.Y. - DAY
                                                            
ACT 1
                                                            

3.

ANNIE DUBROWSKI, 40's voluptuous and cute, smart but has
self esteem issues. She is in her bedroom and rummages
through a pile of clothes on her bed. Stressed and Frantic.
                                                            
Footsteps walking upstairs..the door opens
                                                            
                       MAMA
Annie What are you doing??
                                                            
MAMA DUBROWSKI enters wearing an apron and carrying a plate
covered with tin foil. Mama (70s STRONG Eastern European
ethics; thick accent. Old school. Loving but overbearing)
                                                            
                       MAMA
Here Annie I brought you some
ribs.
                                                            
She unravels the tin foil a nice steamy hot fresh plate of
baby back ribs.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Please MA not now. you know I have
to get ready for tomorrow.
                                                            
                       MAMA
Annie you need to eat. YOU like my
ribs ..here try.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
No Ma, Im already getting fat
                                                            
                       MAMA
Please who is going to see
you..Man like real woman with more
meat on the bone.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
The scale sees me ...besides i
don't even want to go
tomorrow..I'm only taking this job
because nobody else is hiring.
                                                            
                       MAMA
Sometimes we have to make
sacrifices..nobody said life was
fair..You better go because if you
don't, we will all end up on the
Coney Island Boardwalk.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Oh MA please!
                                                            

4.

                       MAMA
Please Nothing Annie! You have
been moping around this house
since you broke up with Gary. You
have to get over it....and all
these bills coming in..
                                                            
                       ANNIE
OK MA I get it!
                                                            
                       MAMA
No if you listen to me you would
not have wasted 5 years of your
life with that idiot. Never gave
you ring, never gave you baby.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
OK MA I know he had defective
sperm..
                                                            
                       MAMA
Defective brain too! You bought
all this stuff and moved in
without the ring.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
I know Mama
                                                            
They both look at each other. Annie knows Mama is right but
won't acknowledge it.
                                                            
                       MAMA
Hurry up, Vlad is coming over..
                                                            
                       ANNIE
OH great VLAD the VEAL man
                                                            
                       MAMA
He always brings best cuts of
meat. You should be grateful.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (O.S.)
Grateful.. My 70 year old Mother
gets more action than I do. Shoot
me now!
                                                            
                       MAMA
What you say?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Nothing Mama...dammit!
                                                            

5.

                       MAMA
What happened??
                                                            
Annie just wiped her hands from all the ribs and smears it
on her blouse.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Oh Great ANOTHER Disaster!
                                                            
 
INT. EMPLOYEE WAITING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
FIVE NEWLY hired employees are in a waiting room filling out
forms. They wait for the instructor to come. There is a
framed sign "SLOTH COLLECTIONS" logo with an actual Sloth
icon on the wall.
                                                            
HANK DESPERITO, 45 overweight with a voracious appetite,
unkempt and a real slob. TRACY GOLDBERG, 20's Fashion
conscious, complainer, tries to follow the rules; hates
disorder, always prepared.
                                                            
                       HANK
      (eating)
Hey does anyone have a extra pen I
can borrow?
                                                            
                       TRACY
      (Annoyed)
How unprofessional to come to a
job without a pen. And why are you
eating??
                                                            
                       HANK
      (swallowing)
Well I had a corn beef sandwich at
the deli earlier that made me
hungry, again, and my pen...
                                                            
He gestures to side of his pants where a pen exploded and is
now full of ink stain.
                                                            
                       TRACY
Gee,Sorry about that
                                                            
She reaches in her purse for a pen to give to him. Finds one
then stretches to give it to him as not to touch him.
                                                            
                       HANK
Thanks, I appreciate it.
                                                            
Tracy disgusted gets out her hand sanitizer to sanitize her
hands.
                                                            

6.

In the corner seat, SHWARMA PREET, a 23 year old male;
Indian Vegetarian student here on a Student visa; strong
Indian Accent
                                                            
                       SHWARMA
I never had to fill out so many
forms and questions like this. In
My country you apply for the job
and talk for interview and you
start right away...

I mean what kind of questions is
Have you ever been convicted of a
crime?
                                                            
Adjacent to Hank,DALE JONES 37, African American con artist
by trade; has street smarts
                                                            
                       DALE
What do they exactly mean by that?
They have to be more specific. Do
they mean for theft of under a
thousand or over?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
yeah and how about #4 "What do you
do in your spare time?" Really?
                                                            
                       DALE
I don't think they want to know
what I do in my spare time
                                                            
He imitates smoking a joint
                                                            
Hank is still eating
                                                            
                       HANK
Well I use my spare time to finish
the food I didn't get to eat
earlier.
                                                            
GIO CAVA, 38 Hispanic;Thick Cuban accent, grandiose spirit
abruptly enters the room. He was a standby on the list and
called last minute to come to the job.
                                                            
                       GIO
      (singing)
"La Cuckaracha, La Cuckaracha...""
                                                            

7.

                       ANNIE
      (interrupts)
Umm.. I think that you are in the
wrong place. The ESL for new
immigrants is next door.
                                                            
                       GIO
      (sharply)
No Mami .. I'm here for the job.
they called me today to come.
                                                            
                       TRACY
They called me a week ago.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (Confused)
Yeah me too. I thought they were
only 5 positions for this job?
                                                            
                       GIO
They said they needed a new
Spanish representative and I am
very good at teaching the
Meringue.
                                                            
                       TRACY
      (Confused)
What? They are going to teach
Meringue lesson here?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (Coyly)
I cant dance at all.
                                                            
                       GIO
Such beautiful Ladies... I'm going
to teach you both how to dance...

and give you some personal Spanish
lovemaking lessons GIO CAVA
style...
                                                            
Tracy and Annie look at each other in disgust, but Annie
secretly thinks he is charming.
                                                            
Door opens and in enters LINDA RAMOS. 30's slim intelligent
yet quirky at times. She is the trainer
                                                            
                       LINDA
Okay you are all here for the job.
Did you all fill out the forms?
                                                            

8.

The NEW EMPLOYEES get up and Linda brings them to the
TRAINING ROOM.
                                                            
 
INT. TRAINING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
The NEW Hired employees enter the training room. An old
beat-up room with antiquated equipment and desks that have
been doodled on are still dirty from previous people.
                                                            
                       LINDA
Good Morning everyone. Grab a seat
somewhere.
                                                            
                       TRACY
      (Disgusted)
This place is nasty.
                                                            
Tracy gets out a sanitizing wipe and sits down on her coat.
                                                            
                       DALE
      (gesturing to Hank)
What a Princess
                                                            
The others grab a seat. Hank sits down and pulls out another
sub sandwich and starts eating. Linda looks around the room
and counts the number of heads to see if everyone on the
list showed up.
                                                            
                       LINDA
One.. two.. three. four...umm..
                                                            
Linda checks her list..
                                                            
                       LINDA
we are missing one person.. Nadia
Knippel..Anyone seen her?
                                                            
The group shrugs and are snickering at her name
                                                            
                                         BUILDING LOBBY
                                                            
 
INT. BUILDING LOBBY - DAY
                                                            
NADIA KNIPPEL 50's, disheveled looking and frazzled, frizzy
hair, enters the building with her bags and 2 rolling
suitcases. She is greeted by security.
                                                            
                       SECURITY
Ma'am can I see some ID?
                                                            

9.

                       NADIA
      (trying to get her
       bearings)
Hold on one second..
                                                            
She parks her suitcase on the side by the desk and takes her
purse off her shoulder and starts to rummage through the bag
to try and find it.

The purse is a disaster with gum wrappers, papers, tissues,
hair products, flask of vodka etc. She takes everything out
and places it on the security guys desk. He watches her in
disbelief. Finally she thinks she may have it but still has
a bottle of water that the desk has no space for.
                                                            
                       NADIA
Do you mind holding this?
                                                            
                       SECURITY
      (reluctantly)
Sure.
                                                            
                       NADIA
      (holding papers
       with her teeth)
Ah here it is!

She hands the wet ID that has been
in the bottom of her purse and is
sticky to the security guy
                                                            
                       SECURITY
OK Thank-you Ma'am Just sign here
and you can go to the 17th floor.
                                                            
She begins to toss all of her stuff back into the purse
shoving it all in until it fits. Grabs her 2 suitcases and
starts rolling down the elevators.
                                                            
                       SECURITY
WAIT! STOP!
                                                            
                       NADIA
Oh God now what?
                                                            
He points toward the sign that says no rolling on the floors
with any wheels.
                                                            
                       SECURITY
You can't roll those suitcases
down this floor.
                                                            

10.

                       NADIA
      (moaning)
UGH! Really Fine....
                                                            
She picks up the suitcase and carries them to the elevator
and goes upstairs.
                                                            
                                         BACK TO TRAINING
ROOM
                                                            
 
INT. BACK IN THE TRAINING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
                       LINDA
Okay I guess she is a no-show. No
worries we will start by having
some fun by doing some role play.
                                                            
                       TRACY
Oy Vey!
                                                            
                       LINDA
Lets' see..umm..you in the back.
what's your name.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Annie.
                                                            
                       LINDA
yes come on up to the front of the
room and you..Creepy Cuban Guy.
come on up.
                                                            
She hands out cards to both of them
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Ring! Ring!
                                                            
                       GIO
OLA!
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Yes Hello, I'm calling to speak to
Mr. Tom Smith. Is he available?
                                                            
                       GIO
Yes, Speaking..Are you a Law-firm
and are you a LIAR??
                                                            
Looking at the cards
                                                            

11.

                       ANNIE
uh,no.My name is Annie Dubrowski
calling from Sloth Collections
                                                            
                       GIO
What can I do for you Mami?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Well Mr. Smith you owe $15,674.22
to Sloth Collections. How do you
plan on paying it?
                                                            
                       LINDA
No Annie,read the card. you MUST
verify their date of birth to
verify you are speaking to the
right person.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
OK..umm..Mr. Smith for security
purposes what is your Date of
Birth?
                                                            
                       GIO
I was born in 1898 in Guatemala
                                                            
                       ANNIE
1898..that makes you over 200
years old? How is it possible for
you to even be alive?
                                                            
                       GIO
I have a daily shot of some MAMA
JUANA keeps me young and frisky
                                                            
                       ANNIE
I see it's always good to keep
young
                                                            
                       GIO
You want to come over to my
place.. you sound sexy Mami.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Sure I will come over right after
you pay the bill you owe...
                                                            
All of a sudden Nadia bursts in the door with her suitcases
                                                            

12.

                       NADIA
Sorry Ma'am that I'm late. I tried
to get here on time but I almost
lost one of my suitcases on my way
here.
                                                            
                       LINDA
      (puzzled)
Did you just come from the
airport?
                                                            
                       NADIA
No Ma'am I just came in from
Brooklyn on the Q train.
                                                            
                       LINDA
Okay, well have a seat.
                                                            
                       NADIA
Excuse me, Thank-you.
                                                            
Nadia looks around the room and squeezes by them with her
suitcases and parks herself down.
                                                            
Hank takes a bite of his sandwich. crumbs are all over him.
                                                            
He takes another bite of his sandwich
                                                            
                       DALE (O.S.)
I wouldn't mind a bite of that
sandwich..
                                                            
                       LINDA (O.S.)
I wouldn't mind a bite of that
sandwich
                                                            
                       NADIA
      (O.S.)
I wouldn't mind a bite of that
sandwich
                                                            
                       LINDA
Okay you two continue..
                                                            
                       GIO
Maybe I owe you but I will treat
you nice make you some nice
dinner, little meringue music. we
dance..
                                                            
                       ANNIE
umm..I don't think your my type...
                                                            

13.

                       LINDA
      (Interupts)
O.K. its time for lunch
everyone!We will continue after
lunch.
                                                            
Everyone slowly gets up and grabs their belongings to go for
lunch. Nadia is sleeping. They leave her alone..Linda ..goes
outside for some air.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO: HALLWAY
                                                            
 
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
Everyone disperses to either go for lunch or to acquire it
outside of the building.
                                                            
                       TRACY
      (to Annie)
Hey did you bring your lunch?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (sarcastically)
Yes I did my Mommy packed my lunch
for me. I got ribs!
                                                            
both start giggling
                                                            
all of a sudden the cellphone starts ringing..Annie checks
the caller ID
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Hi Mama!
                                                            
gestures to Tracy
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Give me a sec!
                                                            
                       TRACY
Okay... I'll see you in the
lunchroom
                                                            
 
INT. PHONE WITH MAMA - DAY
                                                            
Annie is in the hallway and people are walking back and
forth bumping into her while she is trying to talk to her
Mother.
                                                            
                       MAMA
Hello Annie!
                                                            

14.

                       ANNIE
Hi Mama. No MA we are just going
for lunch now...I know I left the
strudel on the counter, it's too
much for me with all the rib's you
made..

No, I'm not thinking about Gary,
MA we're busy in training this
morning. A bunch of us yes.
I have the shawl Ma, I promise I
will wear it going home
tonight....


Yes, I know it's going to be
chilly...
OK..thanks MA, I got to go.
Honestly..

I gotta go now. Thanks MA bye!
                                                            
 
INT. LUNCHROOM - DAY
                                                            
Annie proceeds to the lunchroom. The lunchroom is packed.
There is barely any room to sit but Tracy manages to find a
table which is wobbly. In the background we see the social
committee Lady is selling banana bread.
                                                            
                       SANDRA
      (Shouting)
Banana bread..come get your banana
bread to support the social
committee for great social events.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO: LUNCHROOM
                                                            
                       TRACY
Wild bunch of characters eh. That
Nadia is so weird. Think she may
be smoking crack or something.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Yeah she is really weird. This
whole place is. I didn't mind
doing the role play it was kind of
fun.
                                                            
They both look over a table across the lunchroom and wave to
Hank who is eating roast beef sandwich now. Hank waves back
with his mouth full. Food dribbling down his mouth.
                                                            

15.

                       TRACY
Where did he get that roast beef
sandwich? Didn't he just eat a 12
inch sub?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Did you see that mustard stain on
his shirt?
                                                            
                       TRACY
Yeah OMG that boy needs a bib.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Or a Hazmat suit
                                                            
both start giggling
                                                            
                       SANDRA
      (desperately)
Come on guys.Its the best banana
bread ever. My Grandma made it.
Come support the social committee!
                                                            
Annie looks at the time
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Wow it's almost time to go back to
the boardroom
                                                            
                       TRACY
Yes i guess it is. I need to go to
the bathroom first. I'll see you
back there in a bit.
                                                            
                                         BACK IN THE TRAINING
ROOM
                                                            
 
INT. ...BACK IN TRAINING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Nadia is waking up from her deep sleep.
                                                            
                       NADIA
UGH! I need to pee...
                                                            
Nadia gets up and is still disheveled, she manages to get up
to the door and heads out to try and find a
bathroom...leaves her suitcases behind. Starts wandering the
halls spinning around.
                                                            
                                         BACK TO THE
LUNCHROOM
                                                            
 

16.

INT. LUNCHROOM - DAY
                                                            
Annie is getting ready to get back to the boardroom but
wants to get some water first. Around the lunchroom you see
a group of people sitting on the couch watching T.V.
                                                            
                       
You are not the Father!
                                                            
group laughter.
                                                            
Another group are playing cards. While a group of Ladies
just chat and have idle gossip. Other people are texting.
Annie needs some water. She sees there is a lineup of people
by the one sink in the lunchroom. She gets in line.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (quizzically)
Ummm..excuse me what is this
lineup for? Where is the water
cooler?
                                                            
                       SUZIE
Water cooler. You must be
new..there is no water cooler.
Welcome to the communal sink to
wash our dishes and fill up our
water bottles.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
You got to be kidding me?
                                                            
In front of here is a young man with ten water bottles.
                                                            
                       DENZO
Just a word of advice,never
volunteer to fill up the water
bottles.
                                                            
Denzo is barely balancing the water bottles waiting for this
anal retentive woman who is washing her Tupperware so much
and scrubbing it down as if she is giving her Tupperware a
bath.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Wow, the way she is scrubbing that
Tupperware it's like she is giving
it a bath. Maybe we should give
her a rubber ducky.
                                                            
Annie is laughing at her smart-ass comment..woman who is
washing the Tupperware is giving her a dirty look as well as
everyone else in the line.
                                                            

17.

                       ANNIE
      (embarrassed)
Yeah..well look at the time. I got
to go.. Excuse me.
                                                            
She quickly gets out of the water line and heads for the
door. She opens the door and incoming is this long haired
silver haired man in his 40's handsome, sexy, with tattoos
dangerous, bad boy type rocker Metallica type. They nearly
collide into each other.
                                                            
                       JUAN
      (holds door)
Whoa Senorita..after you
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (Taken aback)
Oh Thank-you
                                                            
                       JUAN
No..Thank-you..whats your name?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (taken off guard)
My name is Annie
                                                            
                       JUAN
I'm Juan Romano..pleasure
                                                            
he takes her hand and kisses it
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (flattered)
Thanks...
                                                            
he walks away and goes into the lunchroom..a female passerby
sees the introduction and says:
                                                            
                       JANET
Ya watch out for that one. He is
not called "The Reptile" for
nothing.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (concerned)
Reptile?? Why because of his long
hair and tattoos??
                                                            
                       JANET
No "Reptile" because he slithers
up and down the isles picking up
the ladies..
                                                            

18.

                       ANNIE
Ewlll..
                                                            
                       JANET
Beware..Don't say I didn't warn
you!
                                                            
                                         TRAINING ROOM
                                                            
 
INT. TRAINING ROOM AFTER LUNCH - DAY
                                                            
ACT 2
                                                            
                       LINDA
Okay is everyone back?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
I think so, where is that Nadia
Lady?
                                                            
                       LINDA
      (puzzled)
Good question.
                                                            
                       
Ya she still has her suitcases
here.
                                                            
                       HANK
      (insatiably)
I wonder if she has any snacks in
there?
                                                            
                       TRACY
      (paranoid)
What if there is a bomb in there?
And we are all sitting and its a
ticking time bomb and we all get
blown up?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (observantly)
Oh please. Do you really think she
is even capable of getting a bomb
in there?
                                                            
                       LINDA
      (to Dale)
Dale, you have experience in this
don't you? Why don't you see whats
inside the suitcase. You can pick
a lock.
                                                            

19.

                       DALE
      (ultra ghetto)
Why do you white people always
think that the black man can pick
the lock or break into a place.

(pause)(normal voice) OK so maybe
i have done this before
but...never mind..okay I'll try.
                                                            
Dale gets down on the floor and starts picking the lock of
the suitcase
                                                            
                       DALE
This is a tough lock.. reminds me
of the a time when me and my
cousin went to this bank and..
                                                            
                       ANNIE
C'mom Dale she will be back any
moment
                                                            
All are watching Dale intently as he attempts to open the
lock to the mysterious suitcase and nervously watching the
door to see if Nadia comes back.
                                                            
                       DALE
Ah man this is a tough lock. What
does this Lady have in this
suitcase.
(fiddles with suitcase) I hear
something ticking..
                                                            
                       TRACY
      (paranoid)
NO!!!
                                                            
                       DALE
KABOOM!!!.. PSYCHE!
                                                            
Dale falls over the floor laughing
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (impatiently)
C'mom Dale we don't have time for
that. Just get the damn thing open
                                                            
                       DALE
Sorry Annie, but I do smell
something funny coming from that
suitcase
                                                            

20.

                       HANK
Mmmm.. I smell cheese burger...
                                                            
                       DALE
No Hank. I don't think it's
something you eat. I think it's
something you smoke.
                                                            
                       SHWARMA
Maybe some spiritual herb for
Lakshmi, Goddess of abundance.
                                                            
                       DALE
Now I am totally motivated. Lets
get this puppy opened. Oh yeah!
                                                            
All of a sudden there is a knock on the door and the door
knob turns. Dale drops the suitcase and jumps back to the
seat.
                                                            
                       LINDA
      (nervously)
Quick Annie get the door please.
Thanks!
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (opens door slowly)
Sure Linda..Hi Can I help you?
                                                            
                       GIO
OLA Mami its your Papi Gio. I had
such a good lunch over at the
Margarita bar.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (relieved)
Great.Come on in.
                                                            
                       LINDA
Okay everyone. Listen I have to
take care of something right now,
I will set you up with a video
that is mandatory to watch. You
will be tested on it.
                                                            
Linda starts the video and leaves the room
                                                            
                       TRACY
I hate tests. I always do bad on
tests.
                                                            

21.

                       ANNIE
I'm sure it won't be that hard.
Multiple choice kind of tests. You
always have a 50/50 chance of
guessing.
                                                            
                       SHWARMA
      (excited)
I always do well on tests.
                                                            
Five minutes pass into the video
                                                            
                       DALE
Wow. What a boring video. I
thought maybe they could have made
this a little more interesting.
You know like put Jay Zee in it
and make it an educational rap
video.
                                                            
                       TRACY
Yeah I know what you mean or have
Brad Pitt in it.. that would do it
for me.
                                                            
                       DALE
I would rather have Jennifer
Aniston
                                                            
                       GIO
You put me in a room with Jennifer
and she will never be the same. I
give it to her good. She needs a
good Latino make her happy.
                                                            
                       SHWARMA
Yeah she is also nice looking all
American Woman that Jennifer. I
make her my Queen any day!
                                                            
High fives Dale
                                                            
                       DALE
Booyakah! That's what I'm talking
about. Your alright there Shwarma.
You and I should hang sometime.
                                                            
                       SHWARMA
Cool no problem.
                                                            
                       TRACY
C'mon guys. We are being tested on
it.
                                                            

22.

                       DALE
Okay Tracy your right. Let's get
through it.
                                                            
They all start watching intently and one by one they start
falling asleep. Hank is the only one still awake and is
eating some buttered popcorn as if he was watching a
feature film at the cineplex.
                                                            
                                         BACK IN THE HALLWAY
                                                            
 
INT. BACK IN THE HALLWAY - DAY
                                                            
We see Nadia still dizzy and spinning around and totally
lost in space. Finally she stumbles into someone walking
towards the lunchroom ans she follows in..She sees the couch
and lays down on the couch. Her favorite show is now playing
on the T.V.
                                                            
                       NADIA
Oh I saw this episode where he
talks about good poop and bad
poop..
                                                            
She passes out again on the couch
                                                            
 
INT. LINDA'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Linda goes to her office to vent to her cohort and long time
friend CHRISTINE ADAMS, 30's, empathetic.
                                                            
                       LINDA
Christine where do we find these
people?
                                                            
                       CHRISTINE
Ummm... I suppose through Larry's
list
                                                            
                       LINDA
Christine, this is absolutely the
worst group I have has since that
one time when we had that cult
group and "Wham" worshipers.
                                                            
                       CHRISTINE
      (Empathetical)
You had some bizarre ones come
through here. But you handled it
well.
                                                            

23.

                       LINDA
Remember they came in here wearing
shorts and sandals in January
saying this was their custom and
if Indians can wear their turbans
they should be allowed to wear
shorts in mid January and bright
fluorescent shirts that said
"CHOOSE LIFE!"
                                                            
                       CHRISTINE
Oh yes, I remember them...
                                                            
                                         FLASHBACK
                                                            
 
INT. FLASHBACK 80'S - DAY
                                                            
Linda is training a group back in the 80's. Their shirts are
bright and teeth are glowing.
                                                            
                       LINDA
Okay so lets go around the room
and tell each other a bit about
themselves..Lets start with
you..your name?
                                                            
                       GUY #1
George..George Michael..
                                                            
                       GUY #2
No I'm George Michael..
                                                            
                       GUY#3
      (Spanish accent)
I'm Jorge Michael
                                                            
                       LINDA
      (O.S.)
Okay great "wake me up before I
go-go" to the bathroom and throw
up..UGH!
                                                            
looks at the group of Wham worshipers with her sunglasses on
                                                            
                       LINDA
Guess what guys.Good news. I just
heard that George Michael is
making a special appearance at
Madison Square Gardens. If you go
right now you get to go backstage
and hang out with him and the
band.
                                                            

24.

In a flash the Wham Worshipers and their bright shirts leave
the building.
                                                            
                                         FLASHBACK ENDS
                                                            
 
INT. CHRSTINE'S OFFICE (CONT'D) - DAY
                                                            
                       CHRISTINE
That was so funny. They ran out of
here so fast.
                                                            
                       LINDA
Yeah Christine you saved me from
that disaster, I owe you for that.
                                                            
                       CHRISTINE
Yes you do. (pause) So this group
can't be as bad as that one was?
                                                            
Linda notices the time...
                                                            
                       LINDA
Damn that video is almost over
now. I better go back to them.
                                                            
                       CHRISTINE
Yes get to them before they all
walk out. That video has been
known to do that.
                                                            
                       LINDA
      (laughing)
So true. We have lost a few after
that video.
                                                            
                                         LUNCHROOM
                                                            
 
INT. NADIA IN THE LUNCHROOM - DAY
                                                            
Nadia is still on the couch semi conscious, her afternoon
program is playing.
                                                            
                       NADIA
JERRY! JERRY!
                                                            
She falls back asleep
                                                            
                                         TRAINING ROOM
                                                            
 

25.

INT. BACK IN TRAINING ROOM.. - DAY
                                                            
Linda walks into the training room and notices everyone is
sleeping, except for Hank who is polishing off the last bit
of his popcorn. Everyone jolts awake.
                                                            
                       HANK
Great video Linda, I enjoyed it
very much.
                                                            
                       LINDA
That's great Hank. Okay so who is
ready for the test?
                                                            
Tracy looks to Annie
                                                            
                       TRACY
Ummm..I don't know about everyone
else but I would like some time to
study still
                                                            
Tracy kicks Dale under the table to say something
                                                            
                       DALE
Yes Linda I think we need some
more time to study so we can all
do well on that test.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
YES Linda, PLEASE!
                                                            
                       LINDA
      (annoyed)
Okay fine. We can take it
tomorrow.
                                                            
                       SHWARMA
I can take it right now. I'm ready
Linda!
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (with all)
SHUT-UP SHWARMA!
                                                            
                       LINDA
Okay well its already getting late
and we have so much more to cover.
I'm going to call it a day. See
you all back 8am sharp.
                                                            
Everyone is leaving and saying goodbye.
                                                            
                                         NADIA LUNCHROOM
                                                            
 

26.

INT. NADIA IN THE LUNCHROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Nadia is finally waking up
                                                            
                       NADIA
Ah wow what a long day. I need to
get some sleep.
                                                            
She crashes on the couch for the night.
                                                            
                                         MAMA'S HOUSE
                                                            
 
INT. MAMA'S HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
                       MAMA
Hi Annie, How was your day? How is
the job? Did you meet anybody
nice?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
It was Okay. I didn't meet anybody
good. The place is stupid.
                                                            
                       MAMA
Don't say that. you have to give
chance.. you never know this place
you could meet nice man..
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (agreeing)
..I'm' not there to meet a man Ma.
This is just a job for now. No man
ma.
                                                            
                       MAMA
But when will you make me
Grandmother?? Don't waste your
life you are not getting any
younger.. Now eat. Come. I make
you some wiener Schnitzel.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Please Im not even hungry...Im
getting fat!
                                                            
                       MAMA
You no fat Come eat. Good men
don't like skinny girls; You feel
better. Tomorrow's another day.
You never know what may be coming.
                                                            

27.

                       ANNIE
Thanks Mama.
                                                            
 
INT. NEXT DAY-TRAINING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
ACT 3
                                                            
Everyone is back in the training room including Nadia who is
well rested now.
                                                            
                                         NEXT DAY
                                                            
                       LINDA
      (surprised)
WOW! everyone is back today.
Great! We have a big day ahead of
us and a lot to do.

Nadia, since you missed yesterday
you can stay here and review for
the test later. The rest of us..
we are going on the floor!
                                                            
                       NADIA
Thankyou.. I cant wait for the
test results to find out who the
Daddy will be.
                                                            
                       TRACY
      (confused)
I'm so excited too...
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Sure I guess, Anything is better
than watching another video like
that again.
                                                            
                       DALE
Yeah, That video would be great
for curing insomnia.
                                                            
                       LINDA
OK, so we are going to break you
up into groups and split you up.

Annie and Shwarma you are up first
and we are going to put you with
Group A.

Tracy and Gio Group B, Hank and
Dale group C.
                                                            

28.

                       DALE
      (enthusiastically)
Lets do it! Lets bust a move.
                                                            
                                         CALL CENTER FLOOR
                                                            
 
INT. CALL CENTER FLOOR - DAY
                                                            
Lisa takes Annie and Shwarma first onto the call center
floor. There is a beehive like buzz of people making phone
calls and leaving messages.
                                                            
                       LINDA
Annie and Shwarma this is Jared,
he has been with the company for
ten years and beside him is Helga.
She has been her for 25 years.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
WOW 25 years!
                                                            
                       HELGA
Yeah 25 years and for my
anniversary they got me(pause)
nothing. Just a stamped card. The
boss couldn't even write his own
signature. Cheap!

They are just waiting for me to
die so they can have my chair!
                                                            
She points to the "blue chair" that is only given to people
who have been there a long time and hit quota.
                                                            
                       HELGA
They will have to take me out with
the chair!
                                                            
                       LINDA
      (cutting in)
Hahahah very funny Helga. What a
joker. We love you Helga!
                                                            
gives Helga a look not to discourage the newcomers
                                                            
                       LINDA
So Annie and Shwarma will be
training with you today.
                                                            
                       HELGA
      (Motherly)
Have a seat dear.
                                                            

29.

She points to the broken chair in the corner
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (sheepishly)
Thank you. So kind of you.
                                                            
                       SHWARMA
Yes thank you.
                                                            
                       JARED
Don't listen to her. It's not that
bad here all the time.
                                                            
                       HELGA
She needs a headset Jared,do you
have one for the girl?
                                                            
Jared goes into the bottom of his desk digging through his
drawers which is full of garbage and food wrappers.
                                                            
                       JARED
Ah here it is!
                                                            
shakes off the garbage and dust that is stuck on it
                                                            
                       JARED
Here you go Annie.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (reluctantly)
Ah great thanks. Appreciate it.
                                                            
she shakes off some of the dirt
                                                            
                       ANNIE
OK I'm ready!
                                                            
                       JARED
How about you Shwarma?
                                                            
                       SHWARMA
Yes Jared, I am ready.
                                                            
Helga and Jared start making calls. There are about 5 people
in the group all leaving voice-mail messages. Annie and
Shwarma are listening intently.A woman directly across of
Helga starts dozing off. Helga bangs her desk.
                                                            
                       HELGA
      (BANG)
Wake up child! Nazi Commander is
walking around!
                                                            

30.

                       CHERRISE
I was having such a nice dream.. I
was in Bermuda having a cocktail
in the sun having some nice hot
young Cabana boy shade and massage
me!
                                                            
                       CHANNEL
Oh yeah Sistah, Now your talking!
                                                            
                       HELGA
Come on you two HUSH your mouth!
                                                            
                       CHERRISE
      (with Channel)
Sorry Helga
                                                            
                       CHERRISE
We all can dream can't we?
                                                            
                       HELGA
Yes once we all had dreams once
child, But this job came, life
happened and those dreams are
gone.
                                                            
                       CHERRISE
Not true. Our dreams are just put
on hold for now...
                                                            
                       JARED
      (to Annie)
Every day I have to put up with
these Ladies complaining and
venting.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
And you?
                                                            
                       JARED
This job is perfect for a
manic-depressive. One day you are
on top of the world as you are
doing so well; and the next day
everything falls apart and you
want to shake hands with the "F"
train.
                                                            
                       CHANNEL
How many more voice mail messages
can I make? This feels like
prison.
                                                            

31.

                       JARED
No Channel, prison is better than
this. This is like a boot camp.
You have to follow the rules and
regulations and say every word
verbatim.

If you say the word "Hello"
incorrectly, they take you to the
back and beat you!"
                                                            
                       ANNIE
No really?
                                                            
                       JARED
Yes really.
                                                            
                       CHERRISE
      (agreeing)
I have seen it. It's not pretty...
                                                            
                       HELGA
      (Angrily)
Hush your mouth!
                                                            
                                         GROUP B
                                                            
 
INT. GROUP B - DAY
                                                            
Tracy and Gio grab a seat in Group B. We see the supervisor
Jenny, She is super energetic cheerleader and dresses like a
step-ford housewife.
                                                            
                       JENNY
      (loudly and perky)
Lenny has 15 calls, Jen has 43,
and Katie has 85! Good job Katie!
                                                            
                       KATIE
Thanks Jenny!
                                                            
                       JENNY
Pick it up Lenny!
                                                            
                       LENNY
      (embarrassed)
Yes Jenny
                                                            
                       JENNY
      (enthusiastically)
OK everyone guess what time it is?
                                                            

32.

                       KATIE
      (softly)
Power hour?
                                                            
                       JENNY
      (loudly)
Yes that's right POWER HOUR! Lets
power out these calls and have a
super day!
                                                            
                                         GROUP C
                                                            
 
INT. GROUP C - DAY
                                                            
Hank sits down and takes out his baloney sandwich
                                                            
                       CHRIS
      (annoyed)
Do you mind?
                                                            
                       HANK
No, not at all. Do you mind if I
put some mustard on my sandwich?
                                                            
                       DALE
      (to Chris)
Don't mind him. He has a bit of an
appetite.
                                                            
                       TOM
      (to Dale)
This is not a great job. Don't be
surprised if you get disappointed
                                                            
                       DALE
I'm not worried. I was born in New
Jersey. I'm used to disappointed.
                                                            
all of a sudden there is noise and lots of commotion..
                                                            
                       CHRIS
Here they come...
                                                            
                       DALE
Who??
                                                            
                       TOM
      (panics)
The FIRING SQUAD!!!
                                                            
                                         FIRING SQUAD
                                                            
 

33.

INT. FIRING SQUAD - DAY
                                                            
All of a sudden you can hear the Ominous death march music
being hummed by some of the employees. Three people walk
together towards the call center floor from the head office.
                                                            
                       CHERRISE
Oh no they are out again and
heading this way!
                                                            
                       CHANNEL
      (nervously)
Quick under the desk. HIDE!
                                                            
                       HELGA
Oh Hush your mouth Lady!Let them
try and come for me. If I go the
chair goes with me!
                                                            
The firing squad appears to be getting closer and closer;
the Ominous Death March humming is getting stronger.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
How often do they come by?
                                                            
                       CHERRISE
They come at least once a week.
Sometimes twice a week.
                                                            
                       CHANNEL
Here they come!
                                                            
dives under the desk to hide
                                                            
                       HELGA
They passed now. You can get up.
                                                            
                       CHANNEL
Phew! What a relief.
                                                            
                       CHERRISE
YAY! We are safe this week.But
look they are headed over to Group
B.
                                                            
                                         OVER TO GROUP B
                                                            
Jenny smiles as she knows she is too pretty and perfect to
be fired.
                                                            
                       JENNY
Hi. Hope you are all having a
super day! (winks)
                                                            

34.

The firing squad continues down towards Group C
                                                            
                       DALE
Whoa! This is scarier than my
parole officer!
                                                            
                       HANK
This is scarier than my wife.
                                                            
Chris heads under the desk.
                                                            
                       CHRIS
They are after me for sure. I have
not produced at all this month!
                                                            
                       TOM
No it's me. They are coming
directly for me. I have been late
all week. Well nice knowing you
all.
                                                            
                       DALE
      (rushing)
Ah. Excuse me. I have to go ...
                                                            
The fire alarm goes off.
                                                            
                       HELGA
      (screaming)
FIRE!
                                                            
She grabs her chair and heads for the exit.
                                                            
                       HELGA
Get out of my way! I'm an asset to
this company. I need to save
myself!!
                                                            
Suddenly their is pandemonium. Everyone is grabbing their
bags and personal belongings as it is thier last day and the
building will burn down.
                                                            
                       CHERRISE
      (Hysterically)
OMG! We are going to die!
                                                            
Helga is rolling her chair out of the building
                                                            
                       SECURITY
      (to Helga)
Whoa! Slow down Helga. (points to
the "no rolling wheels on main
lobby floor)
            (MORE)

35.

                       SECURITY (cont'd)
You know the rules.
                                                            
Helga annoyed has to carry her chair
                                                            
                       HELGA
Hush your mouth!
                                                            
Throngs of people from the entire building are exiting via
the stairs as the fire alarm bells are going off.

Some are panicking;others treating it as an extra break.
But all do pile out of the building.
                                                            
                       JENNY
      (cheer-leading)
Okay Team single file c'mon. You
can do it!
                                                            
                       TRACY
Wow she is so annoying!
                                                            
                       JARED
Tell me about it. Try living with
her.
                                                            
                       TRACY
Is she your wife?
                                                            
                                         TRAINING ROOM
                                                            
 
INT. TRAINING ROOM - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Nadia never made it outside. Wondering what is going on.
                                                            
                       NADIA
      (to herself)
What is that sound?? Is it a fire
alarm? Darn I'm missing "The
Talk".
                                                            
Nadia stays in the boardroom and cuddles with her 2
suitcases.
                                                            
                                         OUTSIDE BUILDING
                                                            
 
EXT. OUTSIDE THE BUILDING - AFTERNOON
                                                            
The entire staff and building are outside now. Helga is
sitting down in her chair on the sidewalk.
                                                            

36.

                       HELGA
      (to herself)
Hhahahahahahah. I showed them.
Thought they could take my chair.
                                                            
Firetrucks are now showing up at the scene. Everyone is
waiting to get the word to go back in.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (to Tracy)
Hey Tracy, check out those
firemen.
                                                            
                       CHERRISE
      (stripteasing)
Ya. C'mon baby light my fire. Oh
yeah I want to take that fireman
and ride him down the pole.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (with Tracy)
You go Girl!
                                                            
Ladies are salivating and fantasizing themselves with the
firemen. A whistle blows.
                                                            
                       LINDA
C'mon Lets go people. False alarm.
Everyone back inside.
                                                            
 
INT. TRAINING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
                       LINDA
Okay welcome back everyone. With
all the disturbances today we will
end our session early today and
take the test tomorrow.

So you will have a little homework
to study tonight but the good news
is that you get to leave early
today!

Okay Goodnight Everyone.
                                                            
All are leaving the room.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
Thanks Linda, see you tomorrow.
                                                            
                                         MAMA'S HOUSE
                                                            
 

37.

INT. MAMA'S HOUSE - EVENING
                                                            
                       MAMA
Hi Annie How are you. Did you have
a good day?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
It was okay.
                                                            
                       MAMA
Anything exciting happen?
                                                            
                       ANNIE
No nothing really happened.
                                                            
                       MAMA
Okay I make your favorite to
eat..Kielbasa.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
I'm not that hungry Mama.
                                                            
                       MAMA
Just eat.
                                                            
                       ANNIE
      (O.S.)
Okay thanks Mama. I'm sure a nice
hard 6 inch kielbasa will make me
happy.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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From Brian Lundson Date 11/23/2015 ***
I really liked this. Quite funny and I liked the characters. Just take out the transitions like 'BACK TO TRAINING ROOM'. These are useful sometimes but don't need them all the time. Also I wouldn't include characters thoughts and feelings in the description. Instead of saying 'secretly she thinks he is charming' or the women were 'fantasising about themselves with the firemen' try to imply these things visually. Full of funny observations about the office environment that make it relatable and I enjoyed Hank just magically ending up with food all the time. :)


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