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Towers: Gender Wars Part One
by John Eicher (johneicherbuisness@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED

The start of a Trilogy with in the series, a war sparks between Jimmy and Natalie over the validation of feminism, unleashing a battle of the sexes.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

EXT. TREE HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Lane, Kasey, and Natalie all walk into Nico's backyard,
Kasey with a case in her hand. They look around, confused.
                                                            
                       LANE
Where the hell is he?
                                                            
                       NICO (V.O)
Up here!
                                                            
They look up and see a tree house in the yard, but can't see
the inside of it.
                                                            
                       KASEY
Nico? What are you doing?
                                                            
                       ROBBIE (V.O)
We're hanging out in the fort!
What do you want?
                                                            
                       NATALIE
Who's all up there?
                                                            
                       NICO (V.O)
The guest of Fort Penis is a
mystery.
                                                            
                       JOHN (V.O)
Hi Kasey!
                                                            
                       ROBBIE (V.O)
John shut the fuck up!
                                                            
                       JOHN (V.O)
I'm sorry. It's my first time in
the fort.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (confused)
Fort penis?
                                                            
                       JIMMY (V.O)
The rules remain the same since
the fort was established in the
fourth grade: no girls aloud.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
Jimmy? How did you get up there?
                                                            

2.

                       JIMMY (V.O)
I said you need a penis, not legs
you dumb bitch.
                                                            
                       JOHN (V.O)
      (hushed)
Hey dude, be nice.
                                                            
                       JIMMY (V.O)
      (hushed)
Why? She whored you out?
                                                            
                       ROBBIE (V.O)
      (hushed)
Agreed dude. Fuck her.
                                                            
                       NICO (V.O)
      (hushed)
Not literally.
                                                            
                       JIMMY (V.O)
      (hushed)
I would.
                                                            
                       JOHN (V.O)
      (hushed)
Hey!
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (yelling)
I can still hear you.
                                                            
                       JIMMY (V.O)
Don't you have to be a bitch
somewhere else?
                                                            
                       JOHN (V.O)
Hey I said cut it out.
                                                            
                       JIMMY (V.O)
What? She looks busy.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (yelling)
I'm not the reason we're here,
ass-hole? Nico left his instrument
at Kasey's house.
                                                            
                       LANE
      (yelling)
Why were you there in the first
place?
                                                            

3.

                       NICO (V.O)
I was helping her for her scale
exam next week. She blows... in a
totally non sexual way.
                                                            
                       KASEY
      (yelling)
Look, I'll just bring it up and
we'll leave.
                                                            
                       GUYS (V.O)
      (yelling)
No!!!
                                                            
                       ROBBIE (V.O)
You''ll break the sacred solitude
of Fort Penis! Have Lane bring it
up.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (To Lane)
Don't you dare.
                                                            
                       LANE
Why?
                                                            
                       NATALIE
Because it's sexist.
                                                            
                       JIMMY (V.O)
No John will not have sex with
you!
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (yelling)
Fuck You!
                                                            
                       JIMMY (V.O)
      (yelling)
He said no!
                                                            
                       NATALIE
Come on guys. Let's go.
                                                            
                       NICO (V.O)
But my tuba!
                                                            
                       AUSTIN (V.O)
I got it.
                                                            
John is seen walking towards the fort with a six pack in is
hand.
                                                            

4.

                       JOHN (V.O)
Hi Austin.
                                                            
                       JIMMY (V.O)
      (hushed)
Don't be positive.
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
Ladies. Lane. I'm sorry for the
inconvenience, but I have a
meeting to attend to.
                                                            
                       LANE
Is that a six pack?
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
Yeah, and we got only five guys.
If i give you one will you leave.
                                                            
                       JOHN (V.O)
      (hushed)
Is he giving away the beer?
                                                            
                       JIMMY (V.O)
      (hushed)
Calm your tits, you two beer
queer. It's only one.
                                                            
Lane takes a beer.
                                                            
                       LANE
What's your issue?
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
Don't think I don't remember what
you did too Luke. I know Rob
doesn't.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (hushed)
Who's Luke?
                                                            
                       NICO
      (hushed)
I'll tell you later. Don't worry
about it.
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
Now, Kasey. The tuba.
                                                            

5.

                       KASEY
      (Hands tuba)
Yeah here. Oh yeah. He left this
too.
                                                            
She hands over a pocket watch with the SUPERMAN crest on it.
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
Well thank you. Natalie, Kasey,
I'll see you later.
                                                            
Austin begins climbing the tree house and the guys begin
chanting.
                                                            
                       GUYS
      (chanting)
Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis!
                                                            
Lane, Kasey, and Natalie walk out of the seen.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (to herself)
Idiots.
                                                            
Austin climbs into the tree house to see all his friends
sitting there. Austin puts down the tuba, and tosses Nico
his pocket watch.
                                                            
                       NICO
Hey! Be careful. My sister gave me
that.
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
      (Handing beers)
And you better be careful hanging
so close to Kasey.
                                                            
                       NICO
Why? We don't do anything.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Except get a tromboner!
                                                            
                       ROBBIE
      (deadpan)
Really?
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (ashamed)
I'll stop trying to be funny.
                                                            
                       NICO
Look guys we're just friends.
                                                            

6.

                       AUSTIN
And we believe you. It's just that
everyone knows the way Lane is and
we don't want any trouble.
                                                            
                       JOHN
Why what's wrong with Lane?
                                                            
                       ROBBIE
Just him and his roid rage friends
don't know how to solve a problem
without beating the fuck out of
it.
                                                            
                       JOHN
He doesn't seem to bad.
                                                            
                       JIMMY
That's just because none of us
have been on his bad side yet.
                                                            
                       ROBBIE
Which is exactly why Nico should
stay away from Kasey.
                                                            
Everyone turns and shoots Nico a look.
                                                            
                       NICO
Fine, fine, fine. I'll stay away
from Kasey. There's just one
problem. She's coming to the party
tonight.
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
      (stunned)
What the fuck are you thinking?
                                                            
 
INT. NATALIE'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Natalie and Kasey are seen sitting on Natalie's bed.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
What the hell are you thinking!
                                                            
                       KASEY
I was thinking that i could go
hangout with a friend.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
I mean why aren't you telling
Lane?
                                                            

7.

                       KASEY
I don't think he would want me to
go.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
Be an individual for Christ sake!
                                                            
                       KASEY
I don't see the big deal?
                                                            
                       NATALIE
The big deal is you're looking at
yourself as the way they look at
you.
                                                            
                       KASEY
And what would that be?
                                                            
                       NATALIE
A weak, dismissive, woman.
                                                            
                       KASEY
I am a woman!
                                                            
                       NATALIE
And you think that makes you
everything else? Every time you
submit to shit like this, you're
just giving those douche bags
fodder to use against us. What's
worse is you make it true!
                                                            
                       KASEY
I'm not saying they're better than
us. It's just, it's easier to have
some one to take care of things
for you.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
You're stronger than that Kasey.
We're stronger than that. Here!
We'll make our own team. FORT
VAGINA!
                                                            
                       KASEY
There's no way we're calling
ourselves that.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (excited)
So you're in!
                                                            

8.

                       KASEY
Why are we doing this?
                                                            
                       NATALIE
Civil rights Kasey. Nothing
happens 'till we take action, and
I'm not about to let these guys
run us over with out a fight.
                                                            
                       KASEY
Is it really that important to
you?
                                                            
                       NATALIE
It's of the up most importance.
                                                            
                       KASEY
But what about John?
                                                            
                       NATALIE
What about him? Should i just let
him hold up my entire life?
                                                            
                       KASEY
I think he just want's to talk to
you.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
Kasey this isn't about him. It's
about us. Please bud. I need you.
                                                            
                       KASEY
      (pause)
Well I guess that makes the
decision easy. I'm in.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (hugs kasey)
Team uterus for life!
                                                            
                       KASEY
      (sighs)
We'll work on the names.
                                                            
 
INT. TREE HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
                       ROBBIE
Why don't you just let it go man?
I mean it was over a couple months
ago.
                                                            

9.

                       JOHN
I know I know. And things are
good. Really good. I just can't
get her off my mind.
                                                            
                       JIMMY
Greedy.
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
Nah. It's human nature to want
more.
                                                            
                       NICO
That's were accidental pregnancies
come from. If a blow job was
really enough, would there be a
show called "Sixteen and Pregnant"
                                                            
                       JOHN
It's not about the sex though.
                                                            
                       JIMMY
John, the only thing you guys have
literally done is sex. You know
more about what's inside her
cooter than her head.
                                                            
                       NICO
Hey!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (sad)
No he's right. Maybe i just
desperately want to know her more
because of what happened. I just
don't know what to do.
                                                            
                       NICO
Get her pregnant!
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
What is wrong with you!
                                                            
                       JOHN
That is literally the worst
suggestion I ever heard.
                                                            
All of a sudden, a ketchup covered maxi pad splats on the
floor of in the tree house. The boys stop and look at it
confused.
                                                            
                       ROBBIE
Is that...
                                                            

10.

Suddenly a ketchup covered maxi pad smacks Rob in the face
and he begins screaming.
                                                            
                       JIMMY
      (screaming)
WOMEN'S HEALTH PRODUCTS!
                                                            
Nico gets down and puts his finger in the pad and pulls of
some ketchup to taste.
                                                            
                       NICO
It's cool it's ketchup.
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
Why would you risk that!
                                                            
                       ROBBIE
      (yelling)
My face is not a vagina! It's a
face!
                                                            
                       JIMMY
      (laughing)
I think God's sending you a
message.
                                                            
Robbie peels off the pad and still has ketchup on the side
of his face. Nico starts to put his finger in the ketchup on
Rob's face, but Rob slaps his hand.
                                                            
                       NICO
I was just checking.
                                                            
The guys look out to the bottom of the club house to see
five girls (Natalie, Kasey, Megan, Miranda, and Erin)
standing in protest.
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (yelling)
Attention fort penis!
                                                            
                       ROBBIE
      (sticks head out)
You vaginaed my face! (Dodgdes
maxi pad). Stop!
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (yelling)
Let it be know, The Estrogen Army
is declaring war on fort penis.
From this moment on, you are no
longer safe.
                                                            

11.

                       NICO
      (yelling)
Kasey! Are you down there!
                                                            
                       KASEY
      (yelling)
Hi Nico!
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (hushed)
Don't undermine us.
(yelling)Prepare to get Pussy
Whipped!
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (yelling)
Yeah, well prepared to get Molly
whopped!
                                                            
                       ERIN
      (yelling)
You pig!
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
      (to John)
Don't do that.
                                                            
                       JIMMY
      (to John)
You're a fucking moron.
                                                            
                       JOHN
      (in protest)
But she said pussy whipped.
                                                            
                       NICO
Molly whops hurt dude... (everyone
turns and looks at Nico) I assume.
                                                            
                       MIRANDA
      (to Natalie)
You slept with that?
                                                            
                       NATALIE
      (to miranda)
He's not being creepy, he's just
being stupid. He's not a bad guy.
                                                            
                       ERIN
Is he special?
                                                            

12.

                       NATALIE
      (to erin)
No shut up. He's naive. I got an
idea. Come on let's go.
                                                            
The girls walk off scene and the guys look at each other in
shock.
                                                            
                       AUSTIN
Well boys, It's time to batten
down the hatches. From this moment
on, we're at war.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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