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Drink Inc. - "Bad Decisions"
by Vic Ruthenbeck (vruthenbeck@gmail.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Miscellaneous   User Review: **
Drink Inc. follows the comically dysfunctional and unethical lives of 3 Wine and Spirits Sales Representatives. Their journey explores the inner workings of Wine and Spirits Distributorships, Distilleries, Wineries, and the Retail Trade they sell to. Irreverent and satirically charged, Drink Inc. exposes the devious inner workings and extreme personalities that bring Wine and Spirits to the consumers table.

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



A Volkswagon Jetta SCREECHES around a street corner at high
speed, and hits a straightaway in an industrial section of
town. The Jetta turns sharply into a warehouse entrance. A
large sign reads: AURORA DISTRIBUTING.
The cars lone occupant is MARTY, early 30s. He wears a loud
business suit, and his car THUMPS with too much bass. His
head bops to the beat while his jaw works a piece of gum. He
likens himself to a game show host, but is closer to a used
car salesman.
The Jetta blows past numerous occupied semi-truck loading
bays. The trailers are covered with promotional billboards
of identifiable wine and spirits brands: Jack Daniels,
Smirnoff, Kendall Jackson.
The car ROARS around a corner into the warehouse employee
parking lot, locates an open space, and skids to an abrupt
halt. Marty exits his car and quickly moves toward the
warehouse in the distance.
JORDAN, upper 20s, blond hair pulled in a pony tail, wearing
a business pant suit, hustles through the full parking lot.
She's hot, knows it, and knows how to use it.

She rounds a large white van and collides into Marty.
Whoa, watch it!Oh...it's just you
Looks like we're both late to this
lame ass meeting.
There ain't no "just" when it
comes to me, baby cakes.


One of these days you're going to
start calling me Jordan.
You gotta earn it first, sugar
It's a good thing we're friends or
I'd have HR so far up your donut
hole, you'd be tasting the
chocolate frosting.
They head toward the warehouse through the parking lot.
Jordan leads the way.
Marty stays right on Jordan's heels.
What excuse you going to use this
Six new spirit placements and
taking over the wine menu at CAFE
SOPHIA screams winner, winner,
chicken dinner.
You didn't pull your end of the
      (imitates Jordan)
"I'm going to get fired if you
don't buy my crap" routine again
did you?
Do I look like you?
This girls all professional all
the time.
Yeah, standing on a street corner.
They reach a large windowless steel door with an EMPLOYEES
ONLY sticker on the middle. Jordan reaches for the handle
and turns back to Marty.


Would that be the corner of kick
your ass and bite me?
Jordan and Marty emerge through the steel doors. The
cavernous warehouse is bustling with forklifts and warehouse
personnel. Rows of palletized wine and spirits cases are
stacked everywhere. They quickly skirt the outer perimeter
and arrive at another steel door.
They emerge from the warehouse into a large office, and
quickly work their way through a maze of occupied cubicles.
They stop at a glass door with MEETING ROOM ONE stenciled on

Through the glass of the door we can see a packed room of
employees sitting behind folding tables. At the front of the
room, standing behind a podium, a man is addressing the
assembled group.
I'm headed straight to the back of
the room, you with me?
Like I have a choice?
Jordan slowly opens the door to the meeting room and they
creep inside.
Toward the rear of the room BILL, mid 30s, slightly
overweight, dressed in a rumpled business suit, discreetly
waves Jordan and Marty over. He's frumpy, Chevy Chase
clumsy, and has a tendency to worry too much.

Marty and Jordan sit down in the two empty chairs next to
him. Bill leans in close as they sit.
Where have you guys been?
Jordan fixes him with a "whatever" expression.


We couldn't have missed too much
Bill raises his eye brows as if to say "Oh really?"
You missed both your managers
looking for you.
Marty looks pissed.
They did a head count?
Bill shrugs and nods yes.
SIMON BARCOTT, mid 40s, wearing an expensive fitted suit and
perfect hair, is speaking to the room. He looks every bit
the corporate poster boy and stares briefly at Bill, Jordan,
and Marty as he speaks.
So, as I was saying...the month
end numbers look good folks. It's
not official yet since we're still
compiling today's sales results,
but it looks like we made budget.
                                         PAN TO:
Faces of several employees in the audience with various
expressions: happiness, relief, confidence.
                       SIMON (CONT'D)
Overall, we were down a tad on our
wine brands, but our spirit brands
drove us home. And that's saying
something folks, because with only
three days remaining in the month,
the mountain we had to climb
seemed insurmountable.
Simon looks full of pride and slowly looks left then right
over the audience with a confident grin.


                       SIMON (CONT'D)
It's a testament to each of you in
this room, your fight, your drive,
your uncompromising desire to win
that brought our goal in.
Simon stretches his arms wide as if encompassing the entire
                       SIMON (CONT'D)
Give yourselves a well deserved
round of applause folks.
The room bursts into applause, a few whoops and hollers
echoing. Bill, Jordan, and Marty are high fiving each other.
After a moment Simon gestures for the room to quiet down.
                       SIMON (CONT'D)
Now, we have a few of our esteemed
wine and spirit suppliers set up
and waiting in the adjoining room.
They're here to sample you all on
their latest and greatest
A few more whoops and hollers. Simon holds up his hand,
silencing the outburst.
                       SIMON (CONT'D)
Please, as always, act
professional, don't over indulge
and remember...how you conduct
yourselves is a direct reflection
on our company, Aurora
Marty pretends like he's drinking from a cup and makes an
over exaggerated drunk face to Jordan who laughs and
backhands his chest as if to say "stop it."
                       SIMON (CONT'D)
Thanks again for the solid month.
Enjoy the moment but remember,
next week the clock resets and we
start all over again. So let's hit
it hard the first week out folks,
let's not put ourselves in the
hole we had to dig out of like
last month. Ok?
Simon moves from behind the podium and stands to the side.
He is wearing enormously expensive handmade Italian shoes.


      (glances at crowd)
Alright, let's go "wow" our
suppliers and confirm to them why
they made the right choice in
choosing Aurora to sell their
Marty, Jordan, and Bill stand with the other employees.
Marty looks annoyed.
I hate it when management says
that kind of crap.
Which crap would that be?
That go hit it hard the first week
crap. Like they don't know we just
crammed the living hell out of our
accounts to make our numbers. I'll
be lucky to sell a single bottle
next week.
You're going big. I'm shootin' for
a thimble full.
They slowly move through the room, shuffling along with the
other employees.
You guys are a couple of ass
clowns, you know that? Why do I
even hang out with you?
Cuz I'm hung like a Rhino.
Yeah, a baby Rhino.
Still in the womb.
I say we get our drunk on and make
some bad decisions.


With big smiles Marty and Bill fist pound each other. Jordan
looks on and shakes her head in mock disgust.
The supplier trade tasting room's perimeter is lined like a
horse shoe with numerous six foot folding tables. Each is
elaborately decorated as if in competition with the others.
Behind each table stand the representative for the bottles
of wine and spirits brands lining their tables. The entire
room is filled with the employees from the sales meeting,
and resembles more of a party than professional gathering.

A.) Drunk man staggering through crowd, falling down.

B.) Drunk woman wildly gesturing, knocking over bottles.

C.) Group of employees clink glasses, throw back shots.

D.) Man throwing up in corner.
Marty, Jordan, and Bill are standing in front of the BACARDI
table. AMBER, mid 30s, an attractive brunette and the
Bacardi STATE MANAGER, stands behind the table pouring Marty
a shot. She's smart, manipulative, and knows how to play the
best player.

Bill and Jordan each hold filled shot glasses and are
waiting on Marty.

From the corner of the room Simon Barcott faces the Bacardi
table. He is surrounded by three Aurora executives who hang
on his every word. They look serious and have eyes on Marty,
Jordan, and Bill.
Oh, you know just how I like it,
Amber has a suggestive smile on her face.
Anything to make my favorite sales
rep happy!


Really? Anything you say? Well
let's just kick that door
wiiiddddeee open!
Amber smiles mischievously.
You'd need an actual door in order
to kick one open.
Why you saucy little...
Bill taps Marty on the shoulder.
Sorry to interrupt this riveting
conversation, but we're waiting
here Marty.
Well then...
Marty winks at Amber, and not for lack of trying, fails to
look suave.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
...to be continued my little
Bacardi barista.
Marty turns to face Bill and Jordan who are waiting
Finally. You boys down to pound or
I'm not even sure I know what that
means, but hell yeah, let's pound
the down, or down the pound...
They raise their shot glasses to each other and in unison
                       MARTY, JORDAN, BILL
Shots, shots, shots!
They drain their shot glasses in one gulp.


Amber grins and holds the bottle of Bacardi out to Marty,
Jordan, and Bill as they turn to face her.
How about another?
                       SIMON (O.S.)
I think they've had enough for the
Simon strolls next to Amber, places his hand on her
shoulder, and offers his million dollar smile.
                       SIMON (CONT'D)
These jokers aren't bothering you
are they, Amber?
Actually, quite the opposite.
Marty is annoyed by Simon's hand on Amber's shoulder.

Bill looks instantly worried.

Jordan quickly pulls her hair from the pony, flips it
forward, and transforms into a seductress.
I found your sales speech very
inspiring, Mr. Barcott.
Simon stays focused on Amber.
Good to hear.
Unfortunately Amber, I need to
borrow them for a moment.
He turns to the trio, his expression is serious.
                       SIMON (CONT'D)
I want you three to follow me to
my office. Now.
      (to Amber)
If you'll excuse us.
Simon walks off, and as they start to follow, each hold
their own special "oh shit" face.
                       END ACT ONE


                       ACT TWO
Marty stands in front of an Inner City convenience store
just off from the entry doors. He has a sales bag at his
feet and is handing money to a SEXY GIRL in her mid 20s.
Marty is dressed in the same loud suit.
So you got it, you know what to
ask for?
                       SEXY GIRL
Yeah, for the tenth time, I got
Just say it once more.
She rolls her eyes.
                       SEXY GIRL
She moves her head closer to Marty and raises her voice.
                       SEXY GIRL (CONT'D)
Continues to move her head closer until she's an inch from
his face, her voice louder still.
                       SEXY GIRL (CONT'D)
Cinn...a...bomb! Good enough?
Marty's cell phone rings. (Ring tone: Eye of the Tiger)
Just be convincing and then pissed
when he says he doesn't have it.
                       SEXY GIRL
I'll just pretend I'm still
talking to you.
She spins and walks off into the convenience store. Marty
glances at the number on the phone and grimaces.


      (into phone)
What's up boss?
Yeah, like I promised this
morning, I'm gonna hit my sales
      (another beat)
No, I'm not just saying that.
Marty reaches into his pants pocket and removes a cocaine
bullet. He loads a bump, looks around and then places it
discreetly to his nose and snorts it.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
      (into phone)
When was the last time I lied to
Marty loads and takes another bump from his cocaine bullet.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
      (into phone)
I mean besides those times?
The sexy girl walks out of the convenience store and past
Marty who raises his free arm in a questioning gesture. She
smiles and flips him off as she walks by. He watches her
walk away with a prolonged "what the hell" expression on his
      (into phone)
If I don't hit my numbers, you can
fire my ass.
Yeah, I know I'd be doing you a
favor. Look, I gotta go, I'm about
to close a huge sale.
      (another beat)
You can trust me boss...yeah, I
said you can trust me. Boss? Hey,
Marty glances at his phone, frowns, and returns it to his
suit pocket.
Me? Untrustworthy? Come on.


Marty enters the convenience store. It's a typical inner
city convenience store, dirty and filled with too much
obscure merchandise. The cash register counter is just off
the front doors and behind the counter is an entire floor to
ceiling wall of liquor. A stack of wine sits opposite the
cash register. Behind the counter, watching Marty, is an
Indian in his early 20s. He nods to Marty in greeting.
      (mock surprise)
What are you doing here, JIMMY? I
thought your dad would be working.
Jimmy shrugs and watches as an OLD MAN shuffles in. By his
appearance the old man is either a street person or close to
You got cash today old man?
The old man keeps walking back toward the beer cooler doors
and holds up some crumpled bills in his hand. Jimmy leans
over the counter closer to Marty.
      (hushed voice)
Asshole tried to steal a forty
from me yesterday. Had to throw
his bumb ass out. These guys think
they can jack me just cuz my dad's
Marty glances over his shoulder at the old man who is
rummaging inside one of the the beer cooler doors.
Sometimes you never see it comin',
am I right, Jimmy?
So your dad, he's gone?
Jimmy looks at Marty skeptically.
He told me specifically that he
told you he'd be gone this week.
You're not supposed to be here
until he's back.
Marty shakes his head and looks momentarily confused.


Really? I don't recall him
mentioning anything like that.
He tilts his head slightly and shrugs.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
Well, good for him taking some
time off. He deserves it.
His best friend died.
He's at the funeral.
Marty laughs uncomfortably.
I didn't know your dad had any
Look Marty, I can't buy anything
from you. The last time dad left
you sold me a bunch of crap wine
that took us six months to get rid
Now that hurts, Jimmy. I sold you
a slam dunk, no brainer. I mean I
was sure that wine would fly outta
It didn't.
What can I say, Jimmy? Sometimes I
get it wrong.
You can say goodbye and come back
when my dad's here.
No worries, if that's the way you
want it.
But you know, Jimmy, I wasn't even


                       MARTY (cont'd)
going to sell you any wine today.
Jimmy rolls his eyes.
Yeah right, whatever Marty.
It's true. But...
...it would be criminal of me not
to mention the newest most talked
about Cinnamon flavored Whiskey on
the market. I mean this stuff's so
hot right now you can only hope to
contain the sales, but...
      (another beat)
...since your dad ain't here.
Marty turns to walk out the door when Jimmy leans over the
Cinnamon Whiskey? What's it
With his back to Jimmy, Marty holds a wide grin. He slowly
turns around to face Jimmy, and when he does his grin is
Cinnabomb. Catchy name, don't you
I just had a customer come in and
ask for that.
You don't say?
Jimmy, you're going to make your
dad proud he left you in charge.
Marty walks back to the counter and grins at Jimmy.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
Trust me.


Marty suddenly gets shoved to the side by the Old Man, who
staggers to the counter. He points a rusted, circa 40s, snub
nosed .38 at Jimmy.
                       OLD MAN
Empty the register or you'll be
taking a-a rat nap!
I think you mean "dirt" nap.
The old man spins on Marty and nearly falls over. Righting
himself, he aims the gun at Marty's face. The barrel of the
gun bounces all over the place.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
That thing even loaded?
The old man pulls back the hammer.
                       OLD MAN
Since the day I stole it, Mr.
Well, in that case.
Marty shrugs and slowly raises his hands above his head.
                       END ACT TWO


                       ACT THREE
Marty is talking inside his car on a hands free Bluetooth to
Yeah, like I said. If I hadn't
distracted that steroid raggin'
thug, Jimmy never would have been
able to whack him with his
baseball bat.
Bill stands in the floral department of a grocery store. In
the background we see the back of the Store Manager slowly
walk out of frame.
      (into phone)
Still, I can't believe you screwed
over Jimmy again just to hit your
bonus. His dad's going to kill
him. And you.
Bill clicks the Bluetooth on his ear and puts his phone in
his suit pocket.
I saved his life!
More like he saved yours.
Whatever, Billy. You know my
motto, fool them once, good for
you, fool them twice, and the
sales be soooooo nice!
You're on an express elevator to
hell, you know that, right?
And try not to be late for the
sales meeting today.


Me late? Come on. Hey, which
Spirit suppliers do we have coming
to this thing today?
What's it to you?
Just lookin' to close the deal
with a certain Bacardi Sales
Amber's way outta your league.
Haven't you heard, Billy? I've
been called up to the show.
Yeah, show and tell. You show
Amber your dingy, and she tells
you how pathetic it is.
That's why sex toys were invented
Billy boy.
Marty fumbles with the radio controls, finds a song he
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
Now stop slackin' and go sell some
more liquid fun for Christ's sake.
      (hangs up)
Marty grins, cranks his car stereo, bass BOOMING, and
punches the accelerator.
Jordan sits at a table with a BAR MANAGER. Her medium length
hair is no longer in a ponytail, and cascades over her
shoulders. She's braless and wears a tight hot pink shirt
that exposes her ample cleavage. Her skirt is dangerously
short and accentuates her long legs. There is a black
beverage roller bag next to her chair, and the table is
lined with several liquor bottles. Both Jordan and the Bar
Manager have a rocks glass with a finger poured into each.
Around them the bar is semi-full.


The Bar Manager, early 40s, is dressed too young for his
age. He smells the liquor in his glass and slowly takes a
sip savoring the sight of Jordan.
                       BAR MANAGER
That's damn good Bourbon. I mean
damn good.
Jordan looks pleased.
I told you so. You know I only
bring you the very best.
Jordan smiles and leans forward reaching for another bottle
so that her cleavage is fully exposed. Her grin grows as the
Bar Managers eyes are immediately drawn to her chest.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
Wait till you try this next one.
It's more expensive, but once it's
dancing on your tongue, you'll
know why.
                       BAR MANAGER
I'm sure I will. You always know
how to take care of me, Jordan.
Jordan pours him a sample from the last bottle lined up on
the table, returns it, and flips her hair back over her
I pamper you.
Her leg stretches under the table and gently strokes his.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
Drink up, don't let this good
stuff go to waste.
She watches him take another sip.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
Now, I don't mean to be a party
pooper, but I do have a sales
meeting I have to get to, so...
Her leg continues to caress his beneath the table.


                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
...what are your thoughts on these
new Bourbons?
The Bar Manager slowly finishes his sample then looks at
Jordan with a gentle smile. He tilts his empty glass in her
                       BAR MANAGER
They're all great, not a slouch in
the bunch. But...
He glances over his shoulder at the long oak bar, and the
hundred or so Spirit bottles lining the shelves behind it. A
BARTENDER, upper 20s, and COCKTAIL WAITRESS, mid 20s, are
watching them.
                       BAR MANAGER(CONT'D)
...unfortunately, I only have room
for two on my back bar.
Jordan leans forward again offering her chest. The Bar
Manager's eyes are drawn like a magnet.

Behind them, the bartender and cocktail waitress begin to
imitate Jordan and their boss. The cocktail waitress leans
over the bar and cups both her breasts. The bartender bends
over, his face inches from her chest. He brings both hands
to his face in delightful surprise.
Well, I think you should take two
cases of all six on this table.
Back bars are made to have
She smiles and winks.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
Tell you what, as a bonus I'll
leave these sample bottles for you
free of charge. I can even put
them in your car for you to take
home. No one would be the wiser.
What do you say?
Jordan reaches across the table and places her hand on the
Bar Managers, her thumb stroking. Her look is confident and


                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
You would really be doing me a
huge favor.
                       BAR MANAGER
Six new Bourbons are more than I
need, Jordan, and two cases of
each? That's a ton of inventory on
brands that have no sales history
for me.
Jordan slowly removes her hand, her confident look melting
to disappointment.
I understand. I know it was a lot
to ask for.
She stands and begins to remove the bottles from the table.
As she bends to place them in her roller bag, she purposely
nudges her breasts free from her shirt (her breasts are
blurred out). She straightens up as if nothing is wrong.

The Bar Manager's eyes pop and mouth drops.
What is it, what's wrong?
She follows his eyes to her exposed chest.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
Oh my god!
She feigns shock and holds her pose for a moment longer,
ensuring the Bar Manager gets a good long look.
He's riveted.
Jordan brings her arms up to her chest and spins away. She
readjusts herself, musters some quick tears, and turns back
around. Acting ashamed, she reaches for her roller bag as
the Bar Manager stands.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
I'm so embarrassed...I can't
believe that happened.
She inhales deeply with a soft sob.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
I'm so sorry...I...I...


She turns to flee and the manager closes the distance fast,
reaching out with one hand for her shoulder.
                       BAR MANAGER
Please, I didn't see anything, I
Jordan falls pathetically into his arms, crying.
You didn't? Really?
The Cocktail waitress looks on from the bar shaking her head
in disbelief.

The bartender has an obnoxious "oh yeah" grin on his face.
Well, mostly.
Why don't you bring me two cases
of each bourbon. I insist.
Jordan looks up and wipes a tear from her eye.
Do you mean it?
                       BAR MANAGER
It's the least I can do.
Jordan walks through the Bars front door pulling her roller
bag behind her. She has a smile on her face, and pauses just
outside the door in a moment of triumph. She flips her hair
back, turns right, and walks confidently down the bustling
Jordan walks up to the back of her JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE and
clicks her remote. The SNAP of the locks releasing is heard.
She lifts the hatch back and looks inside. Spirit and Wine
boxes are neatly arranged in the back, and a small piece of
soft luggage sits on top. She rummages inside the bag
removing a BLOUSE and a pair of women's DRESS SLACKS. She
glances around the parking lot, then does a quick change
into her new clothes (same clothes as at sales meeting).
Finished, she pulls her hair into a ponytail, closes the


hatch back, and quickly walks across the parking lot pulling
her roller bag.
A black BMW pulls into the parking lot and stops abruptly in
front of Jordan. She doesn't look happy.
A slick man, late 30s, stylish suit, gets out of the car. In
his hand is a bottle of red wine.
Make it quick KURT, I'm late for
my next account.
You forgot to take your sample
bottle of Cabernet from the sales
room this morning.
I didn't forget.
Figured as much. That's why I'm
bringing it to you.
He extends the bottle of wine to her. Jordan just stares at
Look Kurt, that Cabernet is way
over priced. Besides, I already
sampled it out earlier in the
month. Everyone thought it sucked.
Sucking's where the sales start,
and I need you to sell fifty more
cases by end of day. If you don't,
I won't win the trip to Australia.
And I really want to go to
Australia, Jordan.
I'd have better luck selling
E.coli to a fast food restaurant.
Kurt just smiles and extends the bottle closer.


                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
You realize I just got naked to
close a deal on brands I believe
in. God knows what I'd have to do
to sell that piece of shit.
He thrusts the bottle forward again until Jordan reluctantly
grabs it from him.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
So you want me to screw my
accounts, tarnish my relationships
I've worked so hard to build, just
so you can win a sales incentive
Yep. That about sums it up.
You're just like my last District
Bold, driven, dashingly good
A selfish prick.
Kurt heads back to his car, opens the door and flashes her a
brilliant toothy smile.
You're my number one, who always
gets it done!
      (bad Aussie accent)
Good on ya, mate!
He gets in his car and speeds off.

Jordan watches in disbelief then glances at the bottle of
Cabernet like it's the plague.
      (starts to walk)
Wish I could throw your stinkin'
head on the barbie.
                       END ACT THREE


                       ACT FOUR
Jordan walks down the sidewalk and stands in front of CAFE
SOPHIA. The exterior has a cute, but sophisticated look to
it. There is a small enclosed patio to the left of the front
door lined with flower pots and small potted trees. Half the
tables are occupied. Jordan glances at her watch, frowns,
then enters the Cafe.
Jordan weaves her way through the semi-full dining room. She
heads toward the rear of the Cafe to a small but quaint bar.
The bar is empty except for a smartly dressed WOMAN in her
mid 40's who is examining several sets of paint splotches.
Jordan approaches the woman with her arm extended.
Oh there you are, SOPHIA. I've
been scouring the Cafe looking for
Sophia looks up from her paint splotches, a bright smile on
her face as she sees Jordan. She drops the paint splotches
and stands from her bar chair taking Jordan's outstretched
hand into both of hers.
Jordan my dear, thank god you're
finally here. I thought you might
not have taken me seriously when I
mentioned I wanted to change my
wine menu.
Jordan has a remorseful look on her face.
So sorry, I've been running late
all day.
      (she sighs)
My boss called me into the office
this morning unexpectedly, and
it's really put me behind.
You mean that married little prick
you've told me so much about? The
one that wants to get in your


The one and only.
Sophia returns to her bar stool and pats the adjoining one.
Please come and sit my dear, you
must be exhausted from running
around on your feet all day.
      (sits down)
No more than you, Sophia. I can't
imagine you having too many quiet
moments like this one during your
Sophia tilts her head to the side and shrugs slightly.
Well, that's true. But, I'm older
than you...
She holds her forefinger and thumb in front of Jordan
separated by an inch.
                       SOPHIA (CONT'D)
...by just a hair. I also have
more practice at it than you, my
Sophia reaches out and places her hand on Jordan's leg in a
motherly gesture.
                       SOPHIA (CONT'D)
If you don't mind me asking, what
did that little prick want to meet
you about?
Well let's just say it had very
little to do with work.
      (she shrugs)
But I'm a big girl and handled the
Sophia has a look of skepticism.
I think you should march right
into your HR department and lodge
a formal complaint, darling.


                       SOPHIA (cont'd)
Or, you could bring him down here
for lunch, and I can give him food
poisoning for you.
Jordan laughs and pats Sophia's hand on her leg.
Now that's not a half bad idea!
She reaches down into her roller bag and removes the bottle
of Cabernet Kurt handed her.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
How would you like to sample some
Cabernet that will make your
palate sing like an angel?
I'm sure a little wine might help
you finally decide what new color
to paint your cafe.
Sophia laughs, shakes her head, and glances at her paint
The last time I let wine make a
business decision for me, I must
confess it turned out rather
Was that your first husband or
Oh number two of course. Now shut
up and poor me some of that wine.
Sophia's smile is warm, her motherly side resurfacing.
                       SOPHIA (CONT'D)
After the morning you've had with
your over zealous, boss my dear,
I'm in the mood to turn your day
Jordan looks overly grateful.
I was hoping you would say
something like that.


She starts to unscrew the cap from the bottle. Sophia looks
A screw cap?
      (big smile)
They call it innovation. No more
messy corks to try and open. Your
wait staff will love it!
She pours a few inches into each, sets the bottle on the
bar, and slides a glass to Sophia. She has an eager grin on
her face.
                       JORDAN (CONT'D)
Now, about that wine menu...
Bill steps from his car in his rumpled suit jacket. He's on
the phone and trying to straighten his tie at the same time.
The tie ends up being more crooked than before.
      (into phone)
Yeah, and on top of that I'm late
too. That means he's going to be
pissed for two reasons.
No worries, just shop till you
He walks across the parking lot toward the store.
      (into phone)
Ok, that'll be perfect. And thanks
again. Really.
Bill hangs up, drops his cell into his jacket pocket, and
heads toward the front doors.
Bill trips on the floor mats as he walks through the sliding
glass doors. He recovers and walks directly into the front

The STORE MANAGER, early 40s, short, balding, and wearing a


white dress shirt and tie, meets Bill just inside. He looks
positively angry.
Listen DAVE, I know you're upset
but I can explai...
Dave doesn't allow Bill to finish.
Nice of you to show up, Bill.
Dave, please listen...
This is the last damn time I ever
give you a lobby display.
I mean ever.
I swear Dave, I got here as quick
as I could. Didn't the
Merchandisers show up?
Oh, they showed up alright. Funny
thing is, they had no idea what to
do and left.
Dave lets the news set in a moment and seems to enjoy the
pained expression on Bill's face.
                       DAVE (CONT'D)
Which leads me to this question.
What size display did we agree on?
Bill looks at Dave as if he asked a trick question.
I thought we agreed to a hundred
case display.
It was fifty, Bill.
Fifty? I could of sworn...


Fifty. And two hundred cases
showed up at my back door. Twice
as many as you "thought" we agreed
Bill looks shocked, then skeptical.
Are you sure?
Are you suggesting I don't know
how to count?
No, of course not. It's just that
I am as puzzled as you are over
Bill furrows his brow and scratches his head.
Wait a minute, I bet I know what
must have happened.
Dave folds his arms and fixes Bill with a hard glare.
Yeah, you fat fingered the order!
Bill raises his right hand up and his left hand down as if
resting on an imaginary book.
On the Bible, Dave, I swear. Our
ordering system has been screwing
up lately. For whatever reason
it's been randomly doubling
orders. IT is working like crazy
to fix it.
How stupid do I look?
I give you my word, I'll have the
duplicated cases picked up and
Dave unfolds his arms and starts to walk off toward the


God damn straight you will.
Bill rushes after him just a step behind.
And I'm going to get working on
your lobby display right now.
Customers are going to stop in awe
when they see the masterpiece I
build you.
Dave stops in the middle of the PRODUCE DEPARTMENT and
stares hard at Bill hard.
I don't want them stopping, I want
them shopping, Bill. And just when
the hell will you be picking up
the extra cases? I need that crap
outta my back room. You know I
have inventory coming up tomorrow.
Before Bill can respond, Dave resumes walking. Bill trots
after him, and passes a yellow "A" frame SLIPPERY WHEN WET
sign. He slips sideways, and stumbles into a bin of apples
which crash to the floor. Apples roll everywhere.

Oblivious, Dave continues walking and when Bill catches up,
they have rounded the corner and are entering the BAKERY
      (heavy breathing)
It's Friday and I can't send a
truck back here until next week.
There's nothing I can do about
that Dave.
They continue to walk rapidly through the store.
That's not my problem. You either
find a way to get it picked up
before noon tomorrow, or I'll
refuse every order you send in
until it's gone.
                       STORE PA SYSTEM (O.S.)
Apple clean up in Produce.


Come on Dave, you know this isn't
my fault. You can't penalize me
like this, that's not fair.
Dave stops by the MEAT DEPARTMENT and glares at Bill.
What's not fair are those extra
cases sitting in my back room that
I didn't order. That's going to
shoot my backroom inventory
through the roof and blow my
bonus. Are you going to reimburse
me for that?
Well...what if the product wasn't
in the back room?
So, now that I've threatened you,
suddenly you can pick them up?
      (Shakes his head)
Well no, but I could incorporate
those cases into the display.
Bill looks as though he's just come up with the idea of the
Then come next week, I pull the
cases off the display, and pick
them up first thing.
You get your bonus and crisis
Dave is staring at an end cap of toilet paper stacked high.
He straightens a few packages then walks off.

Bill straightens a few as well, but somehow manages to pull
one incorrectly and half the display tumbles to the floor.
Dave doesn't notice, so he quickly jogs after him.
      (over shoulder)
I agree to a fifty case display,
and you're trying to screw me for
two hundred.


Bill catches up to him as they enter the DAIRY DEPARTMENT.
You know Operations won't let me
pick those cases up until next
                       STORE PA SYSTEM (O.S.)
Toilet paper clean up on aisle 12.
Dave stops at the FLORAL DEPARTMENT. They have now nearly
circled the entire perimeter of the grocery store.
Seems par for the course with you
and your company.
Chances are, you're going to need
that extra inventory.
This could be a blessing in
You're a damn piece of work you
know that?
                       PLAIN JANE (O.S.)
Bill? Billy is that you?
A PLAIN JANE female shopper pushes her cart over to Bill.
Her cart is filled with groceries to Dave's delight.
Finding everything you need,
                       PLAIN JANE
      (to Bill)
I have now. I've been trying to
track you down for the last week,
silly head.
Bill has a "I've been caught" expression.
I've been meaning to call you
back. Just been slammed at work.
You know how it is.


                       PLAIN JANE
You work so hard, Billy. I just
hope everyone appreciates all you
do for them.
She glances at Dave briefly who is staring at her shopping
cart doing a mental ring up.
                       PLAIN JANE (CONT'D)
Well, since I finally have you in
person...I guess now is as good a
time as any to tell you.
Tell me what?
                       PLAIN JANE
I'm pregnant with your baby!
Bills eyes bulge and he takes an involuntary step backwards.
                       PLAIN JANE
You're going to be a daddy!
                       END ACT FOUR


                       ACT FIVE
The bar is packed and in full swing. Marty, Jordan, Bill and
Amber are posted up to the bar. Marty and Bill's suit
jackets and ties are gone, and all four look well on their
way to intoxication.
      (to Bill)
Unbelievable. The store manager
actually felt so sorry for you, he
let you floor the two hundred
Now that's some serious God damn
out of the box thinking, Billy my
Where did you find this girl
She's my neighbor.
Has five kids and a dead beat
husband. She jumped at the chance
to resurrect her high school
acting career in exchange for a
free cart of groceries.
The BARTENDER fills four shot glasses and slides them over.
They face each other, and raise the glasses in salute.
Here's to you guys kicking ass!
In unison they slam their glasses back and slap them down on
the bar.
                       BRENDA (CONT'D)
You know you guys are my favorite
reps, right?


You love us long time.
You're so much more fun than your
uptight asshole Managers.
Well that's not saying much.
Speaking of uptight Managers, what
did Simon Barcott want with you
guys back at the Trade Tasting?
Sorry, top secret.
I could tell you, but then I'd
have to...
Kill me?
...sleep with you.
Amber ignores the comment.
Well at least you didn't get into
Marty does his best tough guy.
Trouble's who we are sweetheart,
not what we get into.
Jordan turns to talk to the Bartender then looks back over
her shoulder at the group.
Who's up for flaming Dr. Peppers?
Oh hell yeah, sexy pants.
Really Marty, still?


Bring it, girl!
Seriously, I love you guys. I mean
you all rock my brands and I want
you to know how much I appreciate
If all the other suppliers took
care of us as well as you do, you
might have something to worry
about. But as it is, damn girl...
Marty places his arm on the side of Amber's shoulder and
looks her up and down.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
...I'll sell your booze before
anyone else's all day long.
Amber cocks her head to the side and deliberately bats her
eyes at Marty.
That's all I ever want of you.
The Bartender lines up four pint sized glasses half filled
with beer in front of them. Next, he lines up four shot
glasses filled with Whiskey, and reaches into his pocket for
a lighter.
You guys ready?
Last one done, ain't havin' fun!
The Bartender lights the shot glasses with his lighter and
they burst into flames. They each grab their flaming shot
glass, drop them into their pint of beer, and slam them
back. Marty finishes first.
And we have a winner!
Bill tilts his glass back too far and spills all over his
shirt. He pulls the glass away from his mouth, and looks
down at his wet shirt with a look of contempt.


Jordan and Amber finish and slam their glasses down on the
bar at the same time.
Call it boys.
That's a photo finish if I ever
saw one. Bill?
They all turn to Bill and notice his wet shirt and break
into laughter.
Well you didn't have to get all
wet for me Bill, but I am
Woo-hoo! Wet shirt contest!
Marty shakes his head looking ashamed.
Billy my man...
Bill points at Marty emphasizing each word with the beat of
his finger.
Don't. Say. A word
Hey I got an idea. Let's hit the
town, go clubbin', make a night of
My treat.
      (another beat)
You know, start the month off with
a serious bang!
Marty and Jordan high five each other.
Yes! Let's make some bad
Bill looks down at his soaked shirt.
Anyone gotta dry shirt I can


Jordan reaches out and pats Bills shoulder. Her smile is
No worries Billy, I have just the
thing for you.
The Night Club is packed. Lights are flashing everywhere and
dance music PUMPS the club. Bill wears the hot pink shirt
Jordan wore in the bar earlier that day, and dances with an
ATTRACTIVE GIRL. The shirt is stretched beyond capacity and
he has serious midriff. Surprisingly, Bill appears to be a
good dancer.
                       ATTRACTIVE GIRL
I like your shirt.
                       ATTRACTIVE GIRL
      (raises voice)
I said I like your shirt!
This old thing?
                       ATTRACTIVE GIRL
So, what's it going to take to get
you to give that to me tonight?
Bill grins mischievously.
Marty and Amber are dancing next to Bill. Amber knows how to
move her body, Marty does not.
      (to Bill)
Gotta say, that's a good look for
Bill watches Marty dance for a moment.
Thanks Magic Mike!
Don't be hatin' cuz I make this
shirt work.


Amber looks at the attractive girl dancing with Bill who's
ten years younger wearing Booty Shorts and a lacy bra.
Oh it's workin' alright.
An intoxicated Jordan is at the far end of a long
contemporary bar that is packed with people. Three
Bartenders are working at high speed and Cocktail waitresses
are buzzing about. Jordan has replaced her slacks with her
short skirt. She has a Martini in front of her and is
talking to the CLUB OWNER, a tall African American standing
behind the bar. His dress shirt is unbuttoned to mid chest
and several gold necklaces are visible.
All I'm suggesting is that your
Well selections suck. I could save
you so much money if you'd just
let me change them out.
                       CLUB OWNER
I'm pickin' up what your puttin'
down girl, but I like my Well the
way it is.
The Club owner leans across the bar and runs the back of his
hand across her cheek.
                       CLUB OWNER (CONT'D)
But listen, we may be able to work
sumthin' out, if you know what I
Jordan slaps his hand away.
Yeah right, like I'm going to fall
for that again. You still owe me
seven placements for the last time
      (imitates his
"worked sumthin' out."
                       CLUB OWNER
Damn girl, you sure?
Jordan takes a large gulp of her Martini, nearly draining


Oh, I'm sure alright.
He leans back in and starts to caress her cheek again.
                       CLUB OWNER
Well I'm sorry 'bout that, musta
slipped my mind or sumthin'. What
say we renegotiate...
Something catches his eye over Jordan's shoulder.
                       CLUB OWNER (CONT'D)
Hey! You can't be in here without
a shirt, man.
Jordan turns around to see Bill walking up to her. The hot
pink shirt he was wearing is gone and he has a huge grin on
his face. He raises his hands to either side, shrugs, and
stumbles on an unseen object. He regains his balance.
Sorry, I gave it away.
What?! You can't just give my
shirt away.
                       CLUB OWNER
I don't care whatcha did with it,
man, but you better get another
one, or get bounced.
Who'd you give it to?
Bill glances around and spots the attractive girl he was
dancing with walking by the bar a few feet off.
To her.
The attractive girl is wearing Jordan's stretched out hot
pink shirt. She sees Bill pointing at her, smiles and winks
at him before disappearing into a mass of people.
Why the hell did you do that?
Bill leans on the bar next to Jordan, glances at the Club
Owner then at her, a proud look on his face.


I got a blow job in the bathroom
for it.
      (her mouth drops)
Are you kidding me?
Bill continues to stare at her, his smile grows and eyes
The Club Owner shakes his head.
                       CLUB OWNER
Hey man, you can't be doin' that
in my club. I'm sorry, but you got
to go, like right now.
Jordan gets off her stool and casts the Club Owner a
disapproving stare.
Come on Bill, lets blow this
                       CLUB OWNER
      (calls after them)
Hey man, that's not funny.
Marty and Amber are sitting cozily on a couch, Amber's legs
draped over his lap. Across from them, separated by a coffee
table that is littered with empty glasses of all shapes and
sizes, are Bill and Jordan. Bill is wearing his suit jacket
but remains shirtless. Jordan is slumped against him.
I think it's time we tabbed out.
Whhhaaatttt? It's only like
midnight, right?
      (looks at wrist)
Hey, where'd my watch go?
Amber taps his other wrist where his watch is.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)


He brings his wrist to his face and squints his eyes, then
widens them, then squints again.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
This things too blurry to read.
Jordan takes her head off Bill's shoulder and glances at her
cell phone.
Eleven thirty.
Bill's slumps into Jordan's lap.
Nights just getting started.
Jordan looks down at Bills head in her lap and shakes her
head sadly.
And we call ourselves
Marty reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out his
cocaine bullet.
Who's up for a snow storm?
He loads a bump and snorts it.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
Ahhhhhhh, now we're talkin'.
Amber grabs the bullet from Marty's hand.
Have I told you guys how much I
love you?
She loads a bump, snorts it, then tosses it to Jordan.
Jordan looks at it and hesitates for a moment then...
What the hell, let's kick this
night into high gear!

A.) Foursome dancing with abandon.

B.) Bill taking a bump.


C.) Jordan taking a bump.

D.) Amber and Marty making out.

E.) Foursome shouting "shots, shots, shots."

F.) Bill and Jordan making out, break apart, disgusted.

G.) More crazed dancing.
The foursome stagger up a mansion driveway with arms around
new friends. The group filters through the front door as
loud house music THUMPS from inside.
      (to Amber)
Where you takin' us? Looks like a
house from Cribs.
Oh, it's way better than that!

A.) Jordan and Amber snorting dual lines of cocaine.

B.) Bill crashes into a large vase and knocks it over.

C.) Marty lighting a joint and passing it around a group.

D.) Foursome at home bar shouting "shots, shots, shots".

E.) Sunrise.

F.) Rooster welcoming in the new day.
Marty opens his eyes. He is disoriented, stubble on his
face, dried spit at the corner of his mouth. He is in bed,
the covers down to his naked waist. He turns his head to the
left and his sock is resting on his pillow, inches from his
face. He eyes the sock and mumbles...


Oh God, not again.
With a look of disgust, Marty knocks the sock off his pillow
and then turns to the right. Next to him he sees the outline
of another person beneath the covers of the king sized bed.
His expression turns to relief then curiosity. Tentatively,
he reaches forward and pulls the covers down and then backs
away quickly with a shocked expression.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
Bill? What the...
Groggy, not sure of where he is, Bill's eyes flutter open.
He stares directly into the alarmed face of Marty. He looks
at Marty's shirtless body, then down at his own shirtless
body. He lifts the covers and peaks beneath.
                       MARTY (CONT'D)
Oh yeah, we're full birthday.
Bill slowly lowers the covers and pulls them to his chin.
I remember getting a blow job.
      (looks at Marty)
From a girl.
Good for you.
      (looks around)
Where the hell are we?
Somebody's after party.
Where are the girls?
No idea.
Bill suddenly bolts straight up.
What the hell happened?


Worse case scenario? We had sex
with each other.
Best case? We had a foursome with
the girls, and they're off making
us breakfast.
Please God, let it be best case.
The bedroom door bursts open. Standing in the doorway is
Simon Barcott.

Jordan hangs off one side of him, her blouse open, lacy bra
exposed. Amber is draped on the other side, wearing nothing
but his buttoned dress shirt.

Simon holds a bottle of Vodka and is wearing an undershirt,
boxers, and still has on his expensive hand made Italian
shoes, socks pulled high.
What the hell are you two
jack-offs doing in my bed?
Marty looks at Amber, clearly hurt. She gives him a "what's
a girl to do" look.

Bill is mortified.

The bathroom door opens and SIMON'S WIFE emerges wearing
Bill's buttoned suit jacket and sexy underwear. She looks at
Marty and Bill with a seductive smile, then follows their
gaze back to her husband and the girls. Her smile
                       SIMON'S WIFE
Well, I see you've met my husband
And, it would appear, you both
more than met my whore of a wife.
                       SIMON'S WIFE
Screwing the suppliers again I
see, dear?
      (rolls her eyes)
I mean literally.


Simon takes a step into the room and points to Marty and
Bill. Amber slinks partially behind Simon's back. Jordan
tip-toe's out of the room, turns, and runs.
Well, at least it's not the hired
                       SIMON'S WIFE
These boys work for you?
Not exactly. They work for people
who work for me.
                       SIMON'S WIFE
You mean I slept with bottom
They're even low for your
      (thinks a moment)
Well, minus that teenage Bus Boy
and Pakistani Taxi driver.
      (points at the bed)
You two, out. Now. I'll deal with
you both back at work.
Marty and Bill quickly jump out of bed and begin collecting
their scattered clothes. Amber catches Marty's eye and
mouths "sorry." Marty gives her his sad puppy face.
Marty and Bill burst through the front door leaving it open.
Marty has one pant leg on and is trying to get his other leg
in. Bill struggles with a shoe as they hurry down the
Well I sure as hell hope that was
a bad enough decision for you.
Oh yeah, no doubt.
We're so fired.


Not necessarily.
He still needs us, remember?
Marty and Bill sit in front of a large conference table that
spans the center of the room. The perimeter is lined with
cubicles. Various spirit posters are pinned to the walls and
the room has numerous wine racks and display pieces placed

Jordan enters the room carrying a tray of coffees. She makes
her way to a chair across from Marty and Bill.
Marty reaches for a coffee.
You happen to have any aspirin to
go with this, sweet cheeks?
Jordan frowns at Marty, then pulls two single serve packets
of aspirin from her pocket and tosses them on the table.
Stole them from the emergency
medical kit down the hall.
Bill reaches for his coffee and aspirin. He has trouble
removing his coffee from the tray and partially spills it.
Jordan's anticipated this, and tosses him a stack of
napkins. Bill looks thankful and starts to wipe up his mess.
How much time we got before we
have to report to Mr. Barcott's
Couple of minutes.
They sit in silence for a moment. Reflective.
Well, at least we finished the
first part of what he asked us to
I don't recall him asking you guys
to screw his wife.


And I don't recall him asking to
screw you!
I didn't screw him.
Not technically, anyway.
What is it the kids these days
say? If you can't remember it, it
didn't happen?
      (to Marty)
Sorry about Amber.
Marty glances at her, a glimmer of hope on his face.
Did she maybe...technically...not
screw him either?
Oh, she rode him hard. Real hard.
So hard...
You coulda stopped at the first
You think, beef cakes?
Marty grows a satisfied smile.
Finally. It's Jordan, right?
He reaches across the table, hand extended. Jordan smugly
shakes his hand.
Well, all I gotta say is...
...what a way to kick off the new
They all break into slow grins then Marty slaps his hand on
the table.


Time to face the music.
They reluctantly stand and move toward the door.
I'm hoping for a little Cyndi
Lauper and, "Girls Just Wanna Have
I have a feeling it's going to be
more Metallica's "Seek and
Please. You guys are way off.
Oh really?
Marty starts to strut and move to music playing inside his
head as they walk through the door.
Gonna be Kid Rock all day!
"...I wanna be a cowwwwboooy
                                         FADE OUT.


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From Brian Lundson Date 5/27/2015 **
I like the idea. It's original and interesting. Some structural and formatting problems though. Where you have things like 'INSIDE WAREHOUSE' or 'INSIDE GROCERY STORE' this is a new scene. Any change of location or time you need a new scene heading as a general rule. Also try to cut down your directions. Execs reading your script like to see white on the page so shorten those paragraphs or break them up with some line spaces. Finally i think it needs to be a bit more genre specific. There's funny parts but not enough for a comedy, some tension but not enough for a drama so I think the story needs a clearer direction. If you can do that you'll have a great script because there's some really good, well written scenes to work with.

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