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Chronicles of Unc: Pilot
by Sean Roane (theseanroane@gmail.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED

A struggling casino security guard is on the verge of being evicted until his alcoholic uncle unexpectedly becomes his roommate.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



CHRONICLES OF UNC: PILOT

FADE IN:

INT. BRIAN'S PLACE - BEDROOM - MORNING
                                                            
The TV plays as BRIAN sleeps peacefully. A heavily
intoxicated UNC barges in.
                                                            
                       UNC
Aye, Nephew! Aye, listen.
                                                            
UNC sits on the edge of BRIAN's bed and taps him on the
back.
                                                            
                       UNC
What's up, nigga?
                                                            
BRIAN wakes up.
                                                            
                       UNC
      (laughs)
What you doin', boy?
                                                            
                       BRIAN
What you want, man?
                                                            
                       UNC
Aye, listen. Let's run up to the
liquor store.
                                                            
BRIAN reaches for his phone on the nightstand. It is 6:26
A.M.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Yo, Unc, you trippin'. It is 6:30
in the mornin'. Get out of my
room.
                                                            
                       UNC
      (sucks teeth)
It ain't no damn 6:30 in the
mornin'. Take me to the liquor
store, nigga. We need more to
drink.
                                                            
BRIAN puts a pillow over his head.
                                                            
                       UNC
All I need is 2 40s of Hurricane
and a pint of E&J.
                                                            

2.

                       BRIAN
Leave me alone.
                                                            
                       UNC
      (sucks teeth)
Aw, there you go. Bipolar just
like ya motha. Boy, I tell ya.
                                                            
UNC smacks BRIAN on the back again.
                                                            
                       UNC
Come on, nigga!
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (furious)
Get the hell out of my room!
                                                            
                       UNC
      (sucks teeth)
Whateva.
                                                            
UNC stumbles his way out of BRIAN's room. BRIAN watches as
UNC stumbles and falls in the bathroom.
                                                            
                       UNC
Aw, shit.
                                                            
BRIAN watches as Unc struggles to get up.
                                                            
                       NARRATOR
Most of us have that one shot out
uncle. The crazy one that's always
drunk and showin' his ass. The one
that lived in the basement when
you were a kid. The one nobody
wanted to mess with. In this case,
that uncle is Brian's oldest
unlce, Melvin. I know Brian wishes
he coulda did that whole week
different.
                                                            
 
INT. BRIAN'S PLACE - BATHROOM - MORNING
                                                            
BRIAN brushes his teeth and washes his face in the mirror.A
Youtube video of the ZoWhat Morning Show plays on his phone.
                                                            
KITCHEN
                                                            
BRIAN looks in the refrigerator. In the refrigerator is a
gallon of water, a carton of eggs, a bottle of ketchup and a
bottle of ranch.He closes the refrigerator door, opens the
freezer door and finds nothing. He opens a cabinet with a

3.

pack of chicken flavored Ramen, and a bag of sour cream
chips.

BRIAN boils a pack of noodles on the stove.
                                                            
LIVING ROOM
                                                            
BRIAN sits on the couch with the bowl of noodles. He grabs
the remote and turns the TV on, but the cable is off.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Shit! They turned the cable off.
                                                            
                       NARRATOR
Brian feel like he ain't nothin'.
He 30 with a job he hate, a car
that's on it's last limb and a
college degree that seems to serve
no purpose now since he caught
that weed charge and lost his job
as a teacher. He never keeps a
girlfriend because he hate havin'
to take someone else's life into
consideration when he don't have
his own shit together. All he can
really care about is not gettin'
kicked out of his crib.
                                                            
EXT. FRONT DOOR
                                                            
PAUL knocks on the door.He reads a text on his phone.
                                                            
                       PAUL
What? Fuck you. This freakin'
woman is nuts...What a bitch!
                                                            
BRIAN answers the door.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
What's up, Paul?
                                                            
                       PAUL
I know it's early, Brian, but my
wife's been up my ass about the
rent. You told me you'd have it
sometime this week. I know it's
been rough for you, but this is
the second time you've been late
and we can't turn this into a
habit because that's just bad for
the both of us. The wife wants ya
gone and she's been in my ear and
I've just been defendin' ya. And
I'm not defending ya because I
            (MORE)

4.

                       PAUL (cont'd)
like ya. I'm defending you because
my wife is an absolute bitch and a
control freak and I'm slowly
growing my balls back. Screw her,
dude! She a freaking cunt and I
had to go marry her and have 3
annoying kids with her and I swear
Alec isn't mine. The bitch is
totally bangin' a trainer at Retro
Fitness and she thinks I don't
know about it. But whatever. We
are both gonna have a big problem
if you don't pay up. You know the
drill, dude.I need the rent this
week. Now, I'm gonna finish off
this bottle of Jameson and watch
porn on her iPad.
                                                            
PAUL's phone rings.
                                                            
                       PAUL
Just figure it out, Brian.
                                                            
PAUL answers the phone as he walks to the van.
                                                            
                       PAUL
Yes! I just spoke with him and I'm
on my way to Shoprite right now!..
No, I haven't been drinkin'!
                                                            
LIVING ROOM
                                                            
BRIAN closes the door.He sits on the couch and lights a
blunt that he pulls from his pocket.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Whateva. I ain't gon stress about
it.
                                                            
LISA knocks on the door.BRIAN looks out the window.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Shit.
                                                            
BRIAN answers the door.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Hey, Ma.
                                                            
                       LISA
Where's my money?
                                                            

5.

LISA enters.
                                                            
                       LISA
I see you still smokin' that skunk
weed. That's why yo ass don't ever
have any money! Where's my money?
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Ma! I told you I had to pay rent.
                                                            
                       LISA
Damn! Always late on somethin'! I
wasn't late givin' it to you! I'm
on vacation this week, I could use
that couple dollas! But no, you
wanna spend ya money on sour or
whateva else and expect me to give
you my hard earned money every
time that car break down! You done
tore my damn car up!
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Now it's your car.
                                                            
                       LISA
I gave it to you, didn't I?
Anyway.. Did you see what your ol'
stupid ass friend Jay Fraze put on
Facebook last night?
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Nah, what he do now?
                                                            
                       LISA
Look at this fool.
                                                            
LISA pulls out her phone and plays JAY FRAZE's video on
Facebook.
                                                            
INT. NJ TRANSIT TRAIN - FROM PHONE - NIGHT
                                                            
JAY FRAZE records UNC talking in his sleep.
                                                            
                       UNC
Aye! Did you hear what I said?
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
Yo! Unc! You good, bruh?
                                                            
                       UNC
Come here! I said come here! Aye!
You heard what I said? Let's get
the fuck outta here. Yeah. Baby, I
said let's get the fuck outta
            (MORE)

6.

                       UNC (cont'd)
here!
                                                            
UNC puts his hand in his pants.
                                                            
                       UNC
Baby! Baby! Come here. Take your
shirt off.I said take your shirt
off! Take your...you hear what I
said? Baby! Come here. Hello?
Hello? Take your... Let me see.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
      (laughing)
Yo this nigga is wildin'!
                                                            
                       UNC
Baby, take it off! Take it off! I
said take it... Baby! Baby! Don't
be like that, baby....Baby, don't
be stupid. You know I just want a
taste.
                                                            
JAY FRAZE pours water on UNC.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
Wake up, Unc!
                                                            
                       UNC
      (startled)
Nigga what the hell? I'll kill a
nigga out here!
                                                            
UNC pulls out a small handgun as JAY FRAZE runs off the
train. End of video.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (shaking head)
Wow.
                                                            
                       LISA
I started to leave a comment and
tell him to take it down, but
that's what Melvin stupid ass get.
And I bet you he woulda slept on
that train all the way to Philly
with his drunk ass.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Damn, I ain't even been seein' Unc
around like I normally do. I
usually catch him in Egg Harbor
City hangin' with them fools in
            (MORE)

7.

                       BRIAN (cont'd)
the park.
                                                            
                       LISA
He probably been in the county.
And when you do see him don't get
his ass nothing to drink and don't
give him no money...Let me go. I
ain't got time to be messin' with
you.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Alright, Ma.
                                                            
                       LISA
Don't think I'ma forget about my
damn money. And clean up in here!
Do somethin! I'm leavin'.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Bye, Ma.
                                                            
                       LISA
Triflin' ass.
                                                            
 
INT. CASINO - PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
                                                            
An oldies station plays on the radio as BRIAN smokes a blunt
in his car. He is wearing a security uniform. A walkie
talkie is on the dashboard.
                                                            
BRIAN plugs a cord into his phone and plays music by Sean
Roane. LARRY calls him on the radio. BRIAN ignores the call.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Alpha 1 to officer Nelson.
                                                            
BRIAN relights the blunt.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Alpha 1 to officer Nelson.
                                                            
BRIAN takes a few more quick pulls of the blunt,sprays
himself with cologne, grabs the walkie and exits the car.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Officer Nelson to Alpha 1.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Officer Nelson, please 10-10 to
the office.
                                                            

8.

                       BRIAN
10-4.
                                                            
BRIAN reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of gum.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Here we go with the bullshit. Only
people I know that call you on
your break.
                                                            
 
INT. MANAGER'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
LARRY sits at his desk and watches surveillance footage of
other officers. BRIAN enters and takes a seat. LARRY pulls
out his walkie talkie as he watches an officer in his area.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Officer Salazar, please return to
your zone.
                                                            
LARRY places the walkie talkie on the desk.
                                                            
                       LARRY
This guy's an idiot, man. Jeez.
      (to Brian)
What's up, Brian?
                                                            
                       BRIAN
I don't know man. You called me up
here.
                                                            
                       LARRY
I know I called ya on your break.
You guys get paid breaks anyway.
When I'm done firing your ass you
can break as long as you want.
                                                            
LARRY places an energy drink on the desk.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (confused)
Wait...what?
                                                            
                       LARRY
Yeah, Brian. I was told by my boss
that the company has decided to
separate you from employment
because you have exceeded the
maximum number of lates and call
outs in your first 90 days.
                                                            

9.

                       BRIAN
Oh.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Yeah, man. I was pullin' for you
hard since we go back to high
school football, but those 4
callouts, 8 lates and the couple
no call-no shows you did didn't
help your case. I wish you well
and I hope we can still be cool.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (disappointed)
Okay, cool. Am I good to go now?
                                                            
                       LARRY
Sure, bro.
                                                            
Exit BRIAN. LARRY views the monitor and sees OFFICER SALAZAR
sitting down.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Dude, what the hell?
                                                            
LARRY grabs a walkie talkie.
                                                            
                       LARRY
Officer Salazar, 10-10 to the
office.
                                                            
 
INT. BRIAN'S CAR - ATLANTIC AVENUE - NIGHT
                                                            
BRIAN is driving down the street with JAY FRAZE. Music by
Sean Roane is playing on the radio.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Hell yea they fired me, bro. I
don't know what's gonna happen
now.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
I told you stop callin' out for
these bitches. You cared more
about gettin' yams then gettin'
bread.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Says the nigga that just spent his
whole SSI check on a chick from a
dating app that he didn't even
meet yet.
                                                            

10.

                       JAY FRAZE
      (laughs)
That's false information. And I
have a girl so I don't know what
you're talkin' about.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Yeah, whatever you trick ass
nigga. And I saw that video you
posted with my uncle. He was finna
pop off on ya dumb ass.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
Never. That's my man. What's good
with your uncle anyway?
                                                            
INT. LIQUOR STORE
                                                            
UNC grabs two beers from the cooler. There are two female
customers at the counter talking loudly to LIQUOR STORE
OWNER. SHORT MAN approaches UNC.
                                                            
                       SHORT MAN
Wassup, OG? I got loosies for 50
cent.
                                                            
UNC ignores the man and walks to the counter.
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER 1
How y'all not have no more Peach E
& J? You know that's my shit!
                                                            
                       LIQUOR STORE OWNER
Sorry. The new shipment hasn't
come in yet.
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER 1
Y'all wack. Then let me get a pint
of E&J VSOP and 2 shots of Admiral
Nelson.
                                                            
LIQUOR STORE OWNER gets the item. FEMALE CUSTOMER 2 looks at
her phone.
                                                            
                       FEMALE CUSTOMER 2
      (anxious)
Come on! We gotta go! This nigga
blackin' on me because the door
locked. Like nigga nobody told you
to leave. Like I didn't know you
was down there fuckin' with that
fat white girl. Fuck outta here,
bruh, like.
                                                            

11.

                       FEMALE CUSTOMER 1
Oh! And can I get 2 loosies?
                                                            
LIQUOR STORE OWNER brings the items to the counter. As he's
ringing, he notices UNC.
                                                            
                       LIQUOR STORE OWNER
10.49
      (to UNC)
Hey! Hey! What are you doing in
here?
                                                            
                       UNC
      (sucks teeth)
What you mean,"what am I doin'
here"? What you think I'm doin'
here?
                                                            
                       LIQUOR STORE OWNER
You're not allowed in my store!
You need to leave!
                                                            
FEMALE CUSTOMER 1 & 2 exit the store.
                                                            
                       LIQUOR STORE OWNER
      (pointing finger)
You get the hell out of my store!
                                                            
                       UNC
You know what? Fuck you and your
store! I don't like yo ass anyway!
You dot head mothafuckas always
come over here openin' up shit and
don't have to pay taxes for 6
years!
                                                            
                       LIQUOR STORE OWNER
Fuck you, you bum!
                                                            
UNC drops both beers.
                                                            
                       UNC
Fuck you! And ya fat ass wife!
                                                            
                       LIQUOR STORE OWNER
You dirty son of a bitch! You get
the hell out right now or I'm
calling the police! And I bet you
have warrants!
                                                            
                       UNC
Suck a dick.
                                                            

12.

                       NARRATOR
Now, before you go thinkin' Melvin
just some drunk fool I'll have you
know that's he's a highly
intelligent man. He just let life
and his addiction to alcohol mess
him all up. See, back in high
school Melvin was a popular
football star and everyone called
him "Truck" because he used to run
cats over. Then he got a shorty
pregnant and decided to go to the
Marines. He suffered a freak
injury and was able to leave the
Marines. But after he came home
and recovered he started hanging
with some gangstas and caught a
charge and had to do like 10
years.To make things even more
messed up, his only son died while
he was locked up. Melvin been on a
drinkin' binge since he came home
all those years ago. But even
though he be tore up, he still an
OG.
                                                            
UNC exits the store.
                                                            
BRIAN'S CAR
                                                            
BRIAN is smoking a blunt.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
Pooh gettin' ready to go up to
North Jersey to meet the plug so I
think I'ma slide over to my
oldhead shorty house.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Pooh gon kill you, bro. How you
gonna cheat on the Queen Pin? You
remember what happened to her last
nigga. Homie still can't walk.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
      (laughs)
Nah, he walkin' now. I just be on
my low- key shit. You know that,
bro.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Man, pass the bleezy.
                                                            

13.

                       JAY FRAZE
No, I just got it.
                                                            
ATLANTIC AVENUE
                                                            
UNC drunkenly walks across the street.Incoming cars stop and
beep.
                                                            
                       UNC
Fuck that mothafucka.
                                                            
BRIAN'S CAR
                                                            
BRIAN is smoking.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
Yo! Sean Roane be goin' in!
                                                            
                       BRIAN
You know that's my guy.
                                                            
BRIAN drops the blunt.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Oh shit!
                                                            
BRIAN reaches for the blunt on the floor. As he puts his
head down,JAY FRAZE notices UNC crossing the street.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
B!
                                                            
BRIAN quickly breaks in front of UNC. UNC gives BRIAN the
middle finger.
                                                            
                       UNC
Aye, fuck you!
                                                            
UNC walks toward the sidewalk.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Unc? Yo, Unc!
                                                            
BRIAN parks the car. He and JAY FRAZE get out and meet UNC
on the sidewalk.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Unc! What's good?
                                                            
                       UNC
Who the hell are you?
                                                            

14.

                       BRIAN
      (laughing to Jay
       Fraze)
This guy bent.
      (to Unc)
Unc, it's me, Brian!
                                                            
                       UNC
Brian who? You ain't no damn Brian
I know.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
You really trippin', Unc. Lisa's
son.
                                                            
UNC takes a good look at BRIAN.
                                                            
                       UNC
      (suprised)
Nephew! I almost ain't recognize
ya!
                                                            
                       BRIAN
You wildin'.Why you walkin' across
the street like you can't get hit?
                                                            
                       UNC
      (blow)
I had got into it with that dot
head mothafucka across the street.
He's a bitch. I'm out here waitin'
for one of my women to get off the
bus so I can lay down this dick.
She said she was gonna be here at
9.
                                                            
JAY FRAZE looks at the time on his phone.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
It's 11:33, Unc.
                                                            
                       UNC
      (to Brian)
Who this?
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
You don't remember me, Unc? You
tried to shoot me on the train the
other day.
                                                            

15.

                       UNC
      (blow)
That's right. I almost sent you
home.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Alright, Unc. You alright? Where
Denise?
                                                            
                       UNC
Her ass is back at the crib. I'm
out here doin' my thang. Don't be
all up in my business lil' nigga,
you don't know nothin' bout this
playa shit.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (laughs)
You got it, Unc. I'ma catch you
later. Don't get into no shit.
                                                            
BRIAN and JAY FRAZE begin to walk to the car.
                                                            
                       UNC
Aye, Nephew! Aye, listen.
                                                            
BRIAN rolls his eyes as he turns around.
                                                            
                       UNC
Aye, you got a couple bucks?
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (sigh)
Yeah, man.
                                                            
BRIAN pulls a $5 bill from his pocket and hands it to UNC.
                                                            
                       UNC
'Preciate it, Nephew.
                                                            
BRIAN drives off. UNC walks out in the street and almost
gets hit by a car.
                                                            
BRIAN'S CAR
                                                            
                       BRIAN
He ain't gon do shit, but take
that money and buy beer.
                                                            
BRIAN pulls out his phone and reads a text message.
                                                            

16.

                       BRIAN
      (excited)
BET! She said she gonna come
through. Light up, Fraze!
                                                            
SIDEWALK
                                                            
GRIMEY approaches a stumbling UNC in an SUV. A large man is
in the passenger seat.
                                                            
                       GRIMEY
Ey, Truck! Truck!
                                                            
UNC looks back at GRIMEY then continues walking. GRIMEY
follows UNC
                                                            
                       GRIMEY
Truck, don't be like that. I know
you can't still be mad at me after
all this time. I been lookin' out
since you came home. How you think
you got off that shopliftin'
charge a few years back? Who fixed
your mom's house after you burnt
half the house down? Just get yo
ass in the car man and holla at
me. I got some real bread for you.
I wanna make this right.
                                                            
UNC stops.
                                                            
 
INT. BRIAN'S PLACE - MORNING
                                                            
BRIAN and EVELYN make out in front of the door.
                                                            
                       EVELYN
Stop it, you're makin' me horny
again.
                                                            
BRIAN grabs her butt and kisses her on the neck.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
What's wrong with that?
                                                            
                       EVELYN
He needs the car.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Tell him to hop on the Jitney.
                                                            

17.

                       EVELYN
      (giggle)
You stupid, baby.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
You the sexiest principal ever.
                                                            
OUTSIDE
                                                            
UNC is passed out on a chair in front of Brian's place. On
the ground next to him is an empty pint of vodka and a black
plastic bag containing a beer.
                                                            
                       UNC
Denise! Denise! Baby, come here!
Come here! Hello?
                                                            
EVELYN exits Brian's place. BRIAN sees UNC out the window.
                                                            
                       UNC
Baby, baby...Denise.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Unc!
                                                            
                       UNC
Lay down.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Unc! Unc! Get up!
                                                            
BRIAN shakes UNC.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Wake up, fool!
                                                            
UNC is unresponsive.BRIAN walks inside and comes out with a
bottle of water. BRIAN pours the water on top of UNC's head.
UNC instantly wakes up.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Unc! Wake up! What you doin'
passed out in front of my crib?
                                                            
                       UNC
      (blow)
That crazy woman.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Who?
                                                            

18.

                       UNC
Denise. Denise thought I was out
screwin' around so she wouldn't
let me in the crib. Bitch called
the cops too.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Called the cops?
                                                            
                       UNC
Hell yeah. Had to get the hell
away from there.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Why didn't you knock?
                                                            
                       UNC
I did, but I saw you was in there
doin' your thing with Evelyn. You
better be careful.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Ew! You watched?
                                                            
                       UNC
Hell no! Now what I look like
watchin' yo ass screw? I just
needed somewhere to lay low for a
minute til my other girl get off
work.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Oh alright. What time she get off,
playa?
                                                            
                       UNC
Uh, she should be gettin' off
around 2.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Alright. You can kick it in the
crib if you want. You don't have
to be out here lookin' all crazy.
                                                            
                       UNC
Okay.Cool,nephew. I know you got
somethin' to drink in there.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Nothin' but water.
                                                            

19.

                       UNC
Alright. You know you always been
my favorite nephew.
                                                            
BEGIN FLASHBACK:
                                                            
EXT.LIQUOR STORE - DAY
                                                            
UNC stands in front of the store counting change.
                                                            
                       UNC
Shit. Shit, shit shit.
                                                            
A young man approaches the store.
                                                            
                       UNC
Aye, my man. Aye, do you think you
can spare a lil change?
                                                            
The young man rejects UNC and enters the store. UNC walks to
the side of the store and urinates.
                                                            
SCHOOL PLAYGROUND
                                                            
LITTLE BRIAN and 2 other boys play wrestling. BOY 1 has BOY
2 in the sharpshooter. LITTLE BRIAN hits BOY 1 with a
clothesline.
                                                            
                       LITTLE BRIAN
Shawn Michaels hits Bret Hart with
the clothesline! Razor Ramon gonna
get it to!
                                                            
LITTLE BRIAN kicks BOY 2 in the chin.
                                                            
                       LITTLE BRIAN
Sweet chin music! Sweet chin
music!
                                                            
BOY 2 holds his face as he begins to cry.
                                                            
                       BOY 2
You kicked me hard! I don't wanna
play wit you no more!
                                                            
BOY 1 & 2 run off. LITTLE BRIAN sees UNC walking and runs to
the fence.
                                                            
                       LITTLE BRIAN
Uncle Melvin! Uncle Melvin!
                                                            

20.

                       UNC
Hey ol' big head boy! You bein'
good?
                                                            
Teachers blow their whistles.
                                                            
                       LITTLE BRIAN
Yeah! Look what I got!
                                                            
LITTLE BRIAN pulls out a dollar bill.
                                                            
                       UNC
Oh nice! Can Uncle Melvin see?
                                                            
LITTLE BRIAN gives UNC the dollar.
                                                            
                       UNC
If you let me have this I'll buy
you a whole bunch of candy from
the store.
                                                            
                       LITTLE BRIAN
Okay! I gotta go Uncle Melvin!
Bye!
                                                            
LITTLE BRIAN runs to join the class.
                                                            
                       UNC
Bye, nephew! Be good boy!
                                                            
As LITTLE BRIAN walks into the school he sees 2 police
officers get out of a car and stop UNC.
                                                            
END FLASHBACK:
                                                            
 
INT. UNCLE GEORGE'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
UNCLE GEORGE is scrolling through a tablet at the desk as
SISTER BLOCKER cleans.
                                                            
                       UNCLE GEORGE
Sister Blocker, it is truly a sin
how you got me in here starvin'.
                                                            
                       SISTER BLOCKER
Reverend, now don't you start your
stuff. There's still baked chicken
and potato salad in that
refrigerator from Sunday's
service.
                                                            

21.

                       UNCLE GEORGE
Baked chicken? And who made the
tata salad?
                                                            
                       SISTER BLOCKER
Sista Jones.
                                                            
                       UNCLE GEORGE
Oh no. I'll pass. Order us some
wings.
                                                            
                       SISTER BLOCKER
Ugh!
                                                            
SISTER BLOCKER exits. BRIAN enters.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Got the whole church nice and
clean, Uncle George. Pews lookin'
all shiny.
                                                            
                       UNCLE GEORGE
Thank you, Brian. I'll take care
of you when I leave here. Gotta go
to the ATM.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Okay, cool. I'm surprised you
called me. I thought you had Uncle
Melvin cleanin' the church.
                                                            
                       UNCLE GEORGE
Fuck Melvin.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (laughing)
What? Why you say that?
                                                            
                       UNCLE GEORGE
He gon come in here and cuss me
out in front of my members.
                                                            
FLASHBACK:
                                                            
INT. CHURCH - DAY
                                                            
The organ player leads a choir practice with 4 members. UNC
is on his knees polishing a pew.
                                                            
                       UNC
Fat ass gon make me polish some
pews. I'm the older brother.
                                                            

22.

UNC stands up.
                                                            
                       UNC
You know what? Screw this.
                                                            
UNC walks in the back.
                                                            
                       UNC
Man, forget this! Why I gotta
clean up your church to get a
couple dollas? You need to get one
of them fake ass members in your
congregation to cleanup! I'm not
gonna be cleanin' for yo ass! I'm
your big brotha!
                                                            
The choir is in shock.
                                                            
                       UNCLE GEORGE
Melvin, I'ma give you this money
and you get outta here.
                                                            
                       UNC
Damn right I'm outta here! You not
gonna have me around these fake
ass people cleanin' bathrooms!
                                                            
                       UNCLE GEORGE
Here. Now go.
                                                            
                       UNC
You know what, Georoge? Screw yo
fat ass! You ain't nothin' but a
pimp behimd the pulpit.
                                                            
                       UNCLE GEORGE
Get out!
                                                            
                       UNC
Fake Reverend Ike!
                                                            
End Flashback.
                                                            
INT. UNCLE GEORGE'S OFFICE
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (laughing)
Y'all crazy! He at my spot now. He
was sleepin' outside my door this
mornin'.
                                                            

23.

                       UNCLE GEORGE
Oh yea? You shoulda let him stay
his ass right out there. He gonna
try and move in with you next.
Watch.
                                                            
 
INT. BRIAN'S PLACE - EVENING
                                                            
BRIAN enters. UNC is on the couch snoring.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Unc! Unc!
                                                            
UNC wakes up.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
What happened? I thought you was
catchin' the bus.
                                                            
JAY FRAZE knocks at the door.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Who is it?
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
Jay Fraze, nigga!
                                                            
BRIAN opens the door.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
What's good, my guy?
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
Oh shit! Ya uncle here?
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Yeah that's him. What good though?
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
I got bitches that wanna chill,
bruh!
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Some rachet hoes? Or some fat
chicks?
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
C'mon, bruh! This my shorty from
Venice Park and her friend. They
both got jobs. I'm 'bout to go cop
a bottle and they bringin' the
bud. What you tryna do?
                                                            

24.

                       BRIAN
      (shrugs)
I'm down.
                                                            
LIVING ROOM - LATER
                                                            
BRIAN,UNC and JAY FRAZE party with FEMALE CUSTOMER 1&2. They
play cards, dance and drink. UNC dances and makes advances
at the women.
                                                            
KITCHEN
                                                            
BRIAN smokes weed with FEMALE CUSTOMER 2.
                                                            
BATHROOM
                                                            
UNC walks in on JAY FRAZE and FEMALE CUSTOMER 1 having sex.
BRIAN rushes in to throw up in the toilet.
                                                            
LIVING ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
A groggy BRIAN walks in the living room and notices UNC
standing over FEMALE CUSTOMER 2 who is sleeping on the
couch.
                                                            
                       UNC
Hey. Baby...Baby. Hey listen.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Unc! Leave her alone, man! You
stay trippin'!
                                                            
                       UNC
Ah, well.
                                                            
UNC sits down on a chair. BRIAN reads a text from 'Mom'
saying,"Don't be letting Melvins ass stay with you! He's
trouble!"

BRIAN reads a text from PAUL saying, "Hello Brian we
seriously need to talk. The rent is way past due. I'm gonna
have to evict you if I don't have it today."
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Fuck my life man.
                                                            
                       UNC
What's wrong, nephew?
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Unc, we both 'bout to be out on
the street. I'm gettin' evicted if
I don't come up with this money.
                                                            
 

25.

EXT. BRIAN'S PLACE - AFTERNOON
                                                            
UNC sits out front smoking a cigarette. JAY FRAZE approaches
UNC with a black bag containing beer. PAUL pulls up.
                                                            
                       UNC
Good lookin', young blood.
                                                            
                       JAY FRAZE
You already.
                                                            
JAY FRAZE walks up the street.
                                                            
                       PAUL
How ya doin? Is Brian in?
                                                            
                       UNC
He's not around right now.
                                                            
                       PAUL
Oh. Any idea when he'll be home?
                                                            
                       UNC
To tell the truth, I don't know.
                                                            
                       PAUL
Interesting. Okay. Please tell him
Paul the landlord came by and it's
really important.
                                                            
UNC pulls out another cigarette from the pack.
                                                            
                       PAUL
Hey, would I by any chance be able
to bum one of those off of you?
It's been a long time. My wife
made me quit a long time ago.
                                                            
UNC hands PAUL a cigarette and a lighter.
                                                            
                       UNC
So you're Paul. Brian mentioned
you before. Somethin' about the
rent?
                                                            
                       PAUL
Yes. That's actually why I'm here.
                                                            
                       UNC
Okay! Yeah, he left somethin'
inside for ya! Let me go get it.
                                                            

26.

                       PAUL
I'll come in too if you don't
mind.
                                                            
                       UNC
Sure! Not at all.
                                                            
PAUL and UNC enter Brian's place.
                                                            
 
INT. LIQUOR STORE - EVENING
                                                            
BRIAN pays for items at counter.
                                                            
                       LIQUOR STORE OWNER
Yo, buddy. Tell your uncle he
can't come here, please. He comes
in here and always disrespects me
and my wife.
                                                            
POOH enters. An attractive woman walks by as POOH stares
with lust.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Okay.
                                                            
POOH recognizes BRIAN.
                                                            
                       POOH
What's good, B? I heard they did
some bullshit at your job. If you
down to make some real bread let
me know. Don't be scared to get to
a bag my boy.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (nervous)
Alright, Pooh. I'ma let you know.
                                                            
                       POOH
Oh! And tell your nut ass uncle
Melvin keep my name out his mouth.
Runnin' round talkin' bout how I'm
a fat scammin' ass bitch. I'ma put
holes in his ass. And he still owe
me a dub.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Ard. I got you.
                                                            
BRIAN exits.
                                                            

27.

OUTSIDE
                                                            
BRIAN gets in his car and it wont start.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Damn!
                                                            
 
EXT. STREET CORNER - NIGHT
                                                            
BRIAN gets off of the bus as if he's lost his best friend.
                                                            
INT. BRIAN'S PLACE - LIVING ROOM
                                                            
UNC and PAUL are sitting on the couch joyfully drinking.
                                                            
                       UNC
You know what though? As long as
you payin' the bills and takin'
care of the kids she can't tell
you shit. You can't let these
women dictate to you. I have to
set my girl straight on a weekly
basis. I'm a grown ass man!
                                                            
                       PAUL
Right! I'm a grown ass man!
                                                            
                       UNC
      (laugh)
Aye, you know what, Paul? You
alright with me.
                                                            
                       PAUL
You're freakin' cool too, Melvin.
                                                            
PAUL looks at his phone.
                                                            
                       PAUL
I should get out of here. She
called me 32 times already.
                                                            
BRIAN enters.
                                                            
                       UNC
Nephew! What's goin' on?
                                                            
BRIAN stands by the door with a look of confusion.
                                                            

28.

                       PAUL
Hey, Brian. Your uncle is a good
man.
      (to UNC)
Melvin, you can keep the booze.
                                                            
                       UNC
Thank you. You take care, Paul!
                                                            
PAUL exits.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
What the hell was that?
                                                            
                       UNC
Nigga, I just put something down
on your rent and we got another
week to come up with the rest!
                                                            
                       BRIAN
What? How? And why?
                                                            
                       UNC
You're welcome. And you don't have
to pay me back either. Just let me
set up this party so we can have
the rent money.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
We? Man, we not..
                                                            
                       UNC
      (interrupts)
And I'm gonna need you to help me
with my new gig since you ain't
workin' no more. I'm tryna get my
hustle on. Feel me? We gonna be
doing things for my peoples. He
talkin' some real money.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Who ya peoples?
                                                            
                       UNC
Grimey.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
Grimey? Millionaire Grimey?
                                                            
                       UNC
Yea, fool. So you gon have to stop
smashin' his wife.
                                                            

29.

BRIAN covers his face as UNC drinks from the bottle.
                                                            
FAST FORWARD TO PARTY:
                                                            
 
INT. COCO'S RESTAURANT & BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
There's a party going on. People are dancing, smoking and
drinking. UNC (shirtless) and JAY FRAZE are playing cards
with a few others. UNC stands up and smacks the person next
to him in the back of the head.
                                                            
OUT FRONT
                                                            
POOH walks up with two men.
                                                            
                       POOH
I know this lyin' ass nigga in
here. He forgot he shared his
location with me. Let's crash this
party.
                                                            
INSIDE
                                                            
BRIAN is running through the party in his underwear.
                                                            
                       BRIAN
      (to UNC & JAY
       FRAZE)
Yo bro! Yo! Them hoes..
                                                            
BRIAN is greeted at the door by POOH and two other women.
POOH and the other women draw their guns. JAY FRAZE ducks
under a table, UNC reaches for his gun.
                                                            
OUT FRONT
                                                            
People are running out of the building as a shootout takes
place inside.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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