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Boomerville
by Max Diamond (nelliejuan@yahoo.com)

Rated: PG   Genre: Miscellaneous   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED

A farcical story based on the largest military ammunition dump on the West coast and its neighbor,a small Victorian town across Boomerville Bay. It is is a short 45 minute One Act Play. This is the opening episode of a potential TV series entitled BOOMERVILLE.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. It is adapted from the copyrighted play by the same title and author.All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



BOOMERVILLE

FADE IN:

EXT. A HEAVILY LADEN FREIGHTER SLOWLY ENTERS THE BAY - DAY
                                                            
Lilly Whyte is sitting in her car, watching the sunrise. The
container ship is escorted by heavily armed Coast Guard
vessels toward its dock at the ammunition depot on the
island across the bay. A van races into a parking lot at
beachside. Three individuals jump out of the van, two with
rockets and one with an automatic rifle.
Joe is driving by in his truck and spots the terrorists just
as the first rocket is fired...and scores a direct hit on
the containers on deck. Joe guns the engine, racing
straight at the terrorists and their van...the individual
with the automatic weapon opens up on the truck racing at
him. He crashes into the van and attackers, but not before
the second rocket is fired and scores a direct hit on the
hull of the ship. The ship now goes off course with the
containers on deck exploding...and after a delay...the
rocket in the hull produces a huge explosion. The ship goes
careening into its loading dock, knocking down the giant
crane and going into a cataclysmic explosion...The Victorian
Seaport town is taking much damage from projectiles hurtling
across the bay into the city center and the local strip
mall.
                                                            
                                         FADE TO
                                                            
 
INT. LIVING ROOM OF LILLY WHYTES' VICTORIAN HOME - DAY
                                                            
Lilly Whyte, Joe, Hairball, Belinda and Katy Mae are
gathered in Lilly's living room.
                                                            
                       LILLY
What was odd ……is that it happened
very slowly and suddenly in the
same moment. Time just stood
still while things happened with
lightning speed. I was
paralyzed by the surprise of it…..
all I could do was watch…. The
ship was moving so slow…. it was a
very large ship….there were two
guard boats near it ….and a Big
Government ship or something like
that with big guns on the bow and
stern, moving very slowly in the
other direction….. It was gray…and
menacing.
I was sitting in my car, watching
            (MORE)

2.

                       LILLY (cont'd)
one of those spectacular sunrises
where you could see all of
the Cascade Mountains from Baker
to Rainier. I had noticed the van
nearby but paid no attention to
it. It was just a beautifully
serene morning….
                                                            
                       JOE
They poured out of the van,
dressed in fatigues and black
hoods, with military precision.
I couldn't have been more than 50
yards from them. In a heartbeat I
knew what was happening, I've been
there before…Our ammo dump was a
target then and nothings changed.
                                                            
                       BELINDA
I seen him coming! Then all a
sudden that old Ford two fifty was
throwin' dust and screechin' tires
and headed hell bent for the
beach! I never seen the guys with
the rockets and shit. I just seen
Joe take that hard right, next
thing I know there's a couple
quick flashes and a lotta' smoke
and I heard gunshots too, like a
machine gun.
                                                            
                       LILLY
I didn't see them come out of the
van. I saw them when I looked up
and saw you in my mirror. That's
when I saw that man with the
glaring dark eyes and that gun
pointed at me. I thought he was
going to shoot me, but he turned
all of a sudden and started
shooting at you. I just froze and
then the rockets must have gone
off because there was all this
smoke and fire, and then your
truck was there crashing into the
people and their van, oh it was
horrible…
                                                            
                       JOE
I was only yards from that guy
when he turned and blew my windows
out, then the rockets went off
and I crashed into the back blast.
            (MORE)

3.

                       JOE (cont'd)
Must've been only seconds late.
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
More like a micro-second Joe. You
went into 'em same time the
rockets went off. I swear just
an instant sooner an' youda' blown
their shot. Them rockets woulda
never hit that ship. I was just
sittin' right there. Boooy' you
sure did a number on those guys.
It was ugly man. Reeal' ugly!
                                                            
                       JOE
I was lucky… I could'nt see shit.
Just smoke and fire from them
rockets.
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Big Government ship was about as
useless as tits on a bull huh
Hairball? All puffed up with
itself out there. Paradin' around
and lookin' all official and
important. Sheeet man!.... An'
there goes that ammo ship just a
glidin' straight into that big ol'
crane dock. That first rocket hit
them containers they had stacked
on deck… an' I thought that second
rocket missed for a moment, but
nooo! That mutha went dead center
into the hull…there was just that
long weird pause before that
sucker went kaaaBOOOM!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Ya, an' how bout that big ol'
crane comin' down on that ship.
Ol' Big Government musta filled
their pants when that sucka' come
down.
                                                            
                       JOE
      (To Belinda and
       Hairball)
Did you two see what happened to
that third terrorist? I got
knocked out in the crash and
when I came to, the cops and Big
Government were already there,
crawlin' all over the place. They
only found two bodies and Jeesus
            (MORE)

4.

                       JOE (cont'd)
ya know, one was a damn girl! Just
a kid. Jeesus.
                                                            
                       BELINDA
No Joe, next thing was Lilly come
tearing out of the smoke in
reverse, she beat it outa'
there bout as fast as you came in!
She was gone even before the ship
started to pop off.
                                                            
                       LILLY
I was terrified and drove straight
for home as fast as I could. I
was already to the door when I
heard that huge explosion. I was
just so frightened, I did'nt stop
to see if you were alright. I was
panicked and couldn't think. I
just ran, Oh, I'm sorry Joe!
                                                            
                       JOE
Take it easy there Lil, that's
o.k. You did good to just get out
of there alive…. Just as well Big
Government and the cops don't even
know you were there. They grilled
me for a couple hours for details.
I didn't tell 'em about you. You
don't need those Big Government
creeps comin' around here.
                                                            
                       LILLY
Oh Joe!
                                                            
                       JOE
      (Leaving)
And don't you be worrying about
not stopping to take care of me.
Lord knows you've been
mother-hennin' every derelict,
single mom and goofball that comes
your way…. Make that two
goofballs! ……Well, Big Government
wants me back down to their office
for another session….suppose I
gotta go back over it again with
'em. I'll be back later and fill
you in, but you all be careful,
that dump is still cooking off and
it'll be blowin' shit all the way
over here.
                                                            

5.

                       KATY MAE
      (entering
       excitedly)
OH! Darn, I just missed Joe!
Lilly…I'm so afraid, the
explosions and all, when are they
going to stop? Joni called and
said a big piece of metal hit
their building and knocked some
bricks out. She's afraid to go
outside. Water Street is littered
with bricks. What are we going to
do? I'm so afraid Lilly!
                                                            
                       LILLY
ooh, Katy Mae, I'm afraid too, but
we're safe up here, nothing has
hit the neighborhood yet and there
have been a lot fewer explosions
than yesterday and last night.
We're going to be just fine,
you'll see.
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Oh Lilly! You always know how to
make me feel better, you're so...
                                                            
Explosion cuts dialog, Calvin runs in, terrified.
                                                            
                       CALVIN
Oh LORD! Lord protect me from your
fury. Unleash your wrath on the
pagan heathens and spare your
faithful oh Lord! OH LORD!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Aaah Jeesus Calvin!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
For Chrissake Calvin! You're
looking West fer Chrissake and
prayin to the wrong guy…. You
need to be lookin' East and
prayin' to Allah to save your
sorry ass!!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Yea, all Allah can see is your
plumbers butt
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Right now, your just one fart from
eternity!
                                                            

6.

                       LILLY
Please you two leave Calvin alone
and don't be picking on him. We
all really need each other right
now and I'm counting on you to
help out. Teasing Calvin is not
helping. You have to understand
this is Calvin's way of coping
with the stress.
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Ol' Allah's gonna send a rocket
right up your…….
                                                            
                       LILLY
Oh, Please!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Aw Lilly, it's just me an'
BeLinda's way of coping, we're
really freaked out huh BeeDee?
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Heey, my leetle Calvineeto, why
don't we go up to my room and
pray, an'get rid of that pesky ol'
stress huh, you an' me? huh?
Mmmmmmm my leetle Calvineeto
mmmmmm!
                                                            
                       CALVIN
Get off of me!
                                                            
                       LILLY
Darn it Katy Mae! You know
Calvin's a virgin, don't
antagonize him like that!
                                                            
                       CALVIN
It's alright Lilly, the Lord sent
me this slut as a test of my
faith. He's letting the Devil
tempt me with this lewdity. Even
though it is much harder with all
that is happening….
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Hey! Calvin's got a BONER!
                                                            
                       LILLY
Please! Why don't you get your
bicycle helmets on and go down and
help with the clean-up. Joe's
organizing people for a protest
            (MORE)

7.

                       LILLY (cont'd)
and wants folks to get together
and clear the streets of bricks
and debris downtown.
                                                            
                       BELINDA
C'mon Hairball, let's go, right on
Lilly, I'd love to see this town
run Big Government off that
Island! Hey Calvin! C'mon n' join
us!
                                                            
                       CALVIN
Oh Lord! forgive me, but, where's
my helmet?!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
That's the spirit Calvin!
                                                            
Belinda, Hairball and Calvin dress for the protest and exit.
                                                            
                       LILLY
Katy Mae, let's you and I start
putting food together for the
protest. Everyone has worked so
hard trying to get rid of Magazine
Island… Now that it's been
destroyed, this town can keep them
out, I just know we can. We won't
be a target in this ridiculously
senseless war any longer. To
think, we've joked about the
nickname "Ground Zero" for years,
and now look at us, it's not a
joke any more, it's…
                                                            
Lilly is interrupted when the door bursts open and Belinda
and Hairball rush in.
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Big Government is combin' the
neighborhood for that terrorist,
we gotta get Merry Buds & Janie
Poo outa here!
                                                            
They scramble back out the door with their Marijuana plants.
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
      (visibly upset)
Oh! Katy Mae! I…I need your help.
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Lilly, sweetie, whatsa matter?
                                                            

8.

                       LILLY
Oh Katy, I….I've done something,
I've….I've….hidden the terrorist
upstairs!
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Whaat?!... Lilly!
                                                            
                       LILLY
Oh, Katy Mae, will you help me
pleeease?!
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Lilly, you know I will, I'll do
anything for you, you know that,
and so will everyone else.
                                                            
                       LILLY
Oh, Katy May, I knew I could count
on you, but we better hurry,
they'll be here any minute. Just
go upstairs to the extra bedroom
and keep them out of there,
whatever it takes!
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
But Lilly! That man is dangerous!
What if….
                                                            
                       LILLY
It's o.k. he's still out cold in
bed, he's hurt pretty bad, I
bandaged him last night, he did'nt
even know I was there.
                                                            
There is a loud knock on the front door.
Startled, they look at each other then Katy Mae runs for the
stairs while Lilly strolls slowly toward the door, Katy Mae
is just out of sight when the door bursts open and the three
Big Government Thugs rush past Lilly and start looking
around, guns drawn.)
                                                            
                       MOE
      (Glaring at Lilly)
SEARCH IT!
                                                            
                       LILLY
Oh! Thank goodness! You're here!
The word is all over town….there's
a terrorist somewhere still in
town, oh, I hope you find him
soon, we're so scared here. The
explosions….and now this...this
            (MORE)

9.

                       LILLY (cont'd)
animal is running loose!
                                                            
                       MOE
We'll find him. Someone in this
town is either being held hostage
or is hiding this guy. He
escaped in a civilian vehicle.
Have you seen anything?
                                                            
                       LILLY
No! Nothing.
                                                            
                       FLUNKIE ONE
      (Appears from
       hallway)
Clear here!
                                                            
                       MOE
      (Moving to another
       door)
Go help upstairs!...What's in
here?
                                                            
                       LILLY
The kitchen and the back door are
that way. Oh, this has all been so
terrible! I …I…
                                                            
There is a huge ruckus that startles LILLY and MOE
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
      (wielding a table
       lamp)
You perverted bastards… get outa
my bedroom! Lilly!
                                                            
                       FLUNKIE TWO
Clear up there boss. Just a
couple in the sack! Heh heh
                                                            
                       MOE
      (They exit with
       KATY MAE giving
       them the finger
       and the two
       flunkies making
       gestures, winks
       and nods.)
O.k. let's keep moving. Call our
office if you see anything.
                                                            

10.

                       LILLY
Ooh thank you Katy Mae! That was
too close….Maybe you should stay
here while I take the food down to
the protest. I'm afraid they'll
come back and find him while we're
gone.
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Sure Lilly, but what about the
others?
                                                            
                       LILLY
We'll have to tell Hairball,
Belinda and Calvin, they're bound
to find out anyway, but don't tell
Joe. I'm afraid of what he might
do. He's so unpredictable… I'm
just afraid he'll either turn him
in…or even kill him!
                                                            
                                         A LOUD EXPLOSION
                                                            
 
EXT. PROTEST - DAY
                                                            
A scene of total chaos and much damage to the old Victorian
Seaport town...red bricks everywhere...the ugly strip mall
completely destroyed. People in the streets yelling and
throwing bricks at the Big Government headquarters, helmeted
police with shields are clubbing back the protesters. A dump
truck is backing through the crowd toward the building.
Steadily, among the rioting the truck backs up the stairs
and through the doors of Big Government...A Motorcycle chase
scene inserted here With Joe on the motorcycle escaping from
the Dump Truck crash
                                                            
 
INT. LILLYS' LIVING ROOM - LATER
                                                            
LILLY, BELINDA, HAIRBALL and CALVIN are returning from the
protest, looking a little scruffed up. BELINDA and HARRIET
are carrying CALVIN who has been badly beaten.
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
What're we going to do with
Calvin? He's gotta get to a
hospital.
                                                            
                       LILLY
      (Looking over
       CALVIN'S wounds.)
Put him on the couch for a moment.
                                                            

11.

                       BELINDA
He'll get arrested at the
hospital, we have to hide him
here.
                                                            
                       LILLY
      (fussing over
       CALVIN)
We'll need to get some ice and
towels on those bruises, and I may
have to sew that bad gash on his
side. Oh Calvin. What were you
thinking?
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Jeeez! I never heard Calvin cuss
before!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Me neither! There's still hope
for our CALVIN!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
The Calvinator! Chaos is his
middle name!
                                                            
                       LILLY
Now, you two, I need you to be
serious….But I have to say… we did
see another side of Calvin today.
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Could you believe Calvin wingin'
that first brick through Big
Governments' window! That's what
started it all!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Yea, and what about Joe huh?
Jeez…..'tween Joe and Calvin, they
bout took out Big Government
single handed. Calvin starts the
riot, and there comes Joe with
that dump truck ass backwards into
the building…Jeez!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Yea, Joe made his move when the
thugs got their hands on Calvin.
The buggers never saw the truck
comin' 'cause they were busy
beat'n the hell out of him.
                                                            

12.

                       LILLY
One thing for sure….this town is
united. That brutality by Big
Government will only make us
stronger and more determined!
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
      (Appearing from
       upstairs, her
       hair mussed a
       bit.)
OH! What's happened to Calvin?! Oh
dear!
                                                            
                       LILLY
ooh KATY MAE….he's going to be
ok…. but we'll have to watch over
him real close for awhile. If
you two could carry Calvin up to
his room and get him to bed, that
would really help. Katy Mae, you
and I can get dressings together
for him.
                                                            
CALVIN is carried upstairs by HAIRBALL and BELINDA, LILLY
and KATY MAE head for the kitchen when LILLY notices
something on KATY MAE'S neck.
                                                            
                       LILLY
What's this?! KATY MAE!! A
HICKEY!!
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Well…he…he woke up...er …well…. IT
woke up!... I just went upstairs
to peek in on him and there was
this little tent…. And well…I….
                                                            
                       LILLY
Katy Mae! What were you thinking…
My Gawd what were YOU thinking?!
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Well… he was mumbling a lot …like
kinda delirious and he kept askin'
for his virgins and wouldn't stop
and be quiet, sooo…. I just
pretended it was my first time and
….I…
                                                            
                       LILLY
Oh Katy Mae!
                                                            

13.

                       KATY MAE
But Lilly, he thinks he's in
heaven….! We don't even have to
tie him up 'cause there's no
chance he'll run away from
heaven….and…all his ladies in
waiting!
                                                            
                       LILLY
Oh Katy Mae, you are one twisted
girl…..but …I think your right. If
he really thinks he's in heaven,
he won't be a problem .
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
I'll run Uptown, I'm sure I can
get everything I need right there.
      (Interrupted by
       motorcycle)
It's Joe...!
                                                            
                       LILLY
We can't let him know what's going
on.
      (A knock on the
       door and Joe
       stumbles in
       bruised and
       wincing in pain.)
JOE! Your hurt!
                                                            
                       JOE
….Not too bad, a few bumps and
scrapes when I dumped the bike.
Hit some gravel and she slid out
from under me, but thanks to
Calvin I had a pretty good jump on
the bastards, I still had time to
pick her up and lose 'em. How is
Calvin? They were really wailin'
on that poor boy…
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Hairball and BeLinda carried him
up to his room, he was
unconscious.
                                                            
                       JOE
Calvin's beating and the riot was
broadcast live. The entire world
saw how Boomerville feels about
living next to Big Governments'
warehouse of death. This gave a
real boost to the national peace
            (MORE)

14.

                       JOE (cont'd)
effort. For all the chaos and
destruction, it might be just what
we needed to end this war and get
rid of the monsters in office.
Hell, we might even run 'em off
that island!
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Lilly, I better go out for more
bandages, 'cause we're runnin'
out. Joe's gonna need some stuff
for those cuts too.
                                                            
                       LILLY
      (As KATY MAE is
       leaving and
       turning to JOE)
Thanks Katy Mae, I'll work with
what we have until you get back...
We were on T.V.?! You mean the
whole world knows how this town
feels about the war and those poor
people we have brought so much
destruction and sorrow to. All
those families who have lost their
loved ones on all sides of this
have seen how Boomerville really
feels about it…. and who we blame
for it. Oh! Joe!
                                                            
                       JOE
That's right Lilly. The world is
also well aware of the string of
lies that put us here. Big
Government and Big Oil are at the
top of this dung heap. Then come
all the corporations and the
politicians they're connected to.
These guys are amazing. They used
the Religious Right to get into
office and now the Televangelists
are beatin' the Armageddon drum
harder than ever. Right now,
greed and backward thinking rule
on both sides of this madness. Can
you believe how so much of the
world can use these images of God
they have in their head to justify
wreaking havoc all over the
planet! Like the human race is
stuck and floundering in the muck
of the past. What the hells the
matter with everyone anyway?
            (MORE)

15.

                       JOE (cont'd)
What's it gonna take for the human
race to grow up and start taking
care of itself and the planet it
lives on? This whole New
Millennium thing is really just a
bigger bag of shit!
                                                            
                       LILLY
Hey Joe, easy. I worry about you
when you start getting worked up
and just going off. Stay focused
on today, you can fix the rest of
the world later, o.k.?
                                                            
                       JOE
ooh thanks Lil, Sometimes that ol'
freight train in my head just
really starts chuggin' down the
line…
                                                            
HAIRBALL and BELINDA enter from upstairs.
                                                            
                       BELINDA
JOE!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Alright! JOE!!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Jeez, what happened to you?
                                                            
                       JOE
Dumped the bike. How's Calvin?
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
He's still out cold. They beat
him up real bad.
                                                            
                       JOE
Those bastards...
                                                            
                       LILLY
I better get up and tend to
Calvin… c'mon with me, Joe.
                                                            
                       JOE
Sure Lil, I gotta thank him, even
if he can't hear me.
                                                            
JOE and LILLY exit up the stairs leaving HAIRBALL and
BELINDA to relax in the living room.
                                                            

16.

                       HAIRBALL
Jeez! I'm beat!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Me too!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Whaddaya suppose is gonna happen
next huh? Jeez!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
I dunno Hairball. I know things
are really different from when we
grew up.
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Yea, I never thought Boomerville
would ever really change. Boy,
was I wrong!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Yea, 'member hangin' out on the
docks with the fishermen? Hearin'
all them stories and eatin'
pickled salmon… guess I thought
it'd always be that way too.
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Yep, all them boats are gone. A
few of the fishermen are still
around…buncha crusty 'ol farts now
huh!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Yep "First your boat then your
clothes, that's the way the
fishin' goes"!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
That's no doodoo BeeDee, after Big
Oil dumped a Super Tanker full of
crude on their fishin' grounds,
those guys were never the same.
Some of those poor bastards are
still sittin' around the bar,
gettin' drunk and arguin' over
when Big Oil is gonna' send 'em a
check!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
After seeing how Big Oil beat down
the fishermen and those little
communities, and then watchin' Big
Governments' treatment of all
            (MORE)

17.

                       BELINDA (cont'd)
those folks in that hurricane, I
think were in for some real shit
in Boomerville. Mr. Terrorist
just kicked Big Government where
it hurts and we're all gonna pay!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Yea, an' then Joe and the
Calvinator come along and really
piss 'em off! Doo doo BeeDee, were
in deep deep doo doo.
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Yea, first the local movers and
shakers cut down all the poplar
trees and built that ugly strip
mall, then Big Governments' shit
blows up in our face!
Boomervilles' going to hell in a
handbasket Hairball.
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Hee hee! Poetic Justice! Did
you see that Mall now?! It's just
a big ugly smolderin' hole next
to a totally polluted pond full of
dead birds! Someone said it was a
couple of cruise missiles that
blew outa the ship and hit the
mall goin' sideways!
                                                            
                       BELINDA
Lucky they didn't hit downtown,
Jeezuz... An' how bout that main
arsenal! THAT was Poetic
Justice!
                                                            
                       HAIRBALL
Yep, state of the art bunkers… and
they got hit with state of the art
BUNKER BUSTERS! Hee Hee!
      (HAIRBALL and
       BELINDA in unison
       and in stitches)
SIDEWAYS!!
                                                            
The sound of sirens abruptly puts an end to the
conversation. HAIRBALL and BELINDA race around in confusion
then out the back door...MOE and his FLUNKIES rush in.
                                                            

18.

                       MOE
Check down the hall! You check in
there!
      (Ordering his men
       then softening)
He's in here somewhere! I guess I
really can't blame this town for
how they feel, and this Joe fella
really did his damndest to thwart
the attack. Sometimes I wonder
about this job. Here I am,
chasin' around trying to arrest
this guy, and he deserves a medal
or somethin'…. These Viet Nam Vets
sure are a different breed from
those that came outa World War 2
and Korea. This guy woulda been
in the streets raisin' hell if he
hadn't been drafted. Big
Governments' afraid to start a
draft for this war. They know
damn well they'd be in for big
trouble in the streets if they
did. And with the caliber of
people like Joe in action, there's
no way they could contain 'em.
                                                            
                       FLUNKIE ONE
Nobody back there, searched
everywhere
                                                            
                       FLUNKIE TWO
Checked out back, no one.
                                                            
                       MOE
Both of you search upstairs…look
everywhere, he's gotta be up there
somewhere.
                                                            
The two flunkies dash upstairs a little clumsily and
disappear, thug one cocks his gun and moves into position.
There is a protracted pause, then a motorcycle is heard
loudly firing up and taking off. Moe thinks it is Joe on his
motorcycle and when he gets his flunkies out the door they
give chase...but its Hairball and Belinda they are
chasing..in a comical race around tow until a crash and they
are caught.
                                                            
                       MOE
GODDAMMIT!! GET DOWN HERE!!
BASTARD!!
                                                            

19.

FLUNKIES come even more clumsily downstairs and race for the
door, at the instant they get there, the door opens and they
crash into KATY MAE who is freshly wigged and dressed to
kill, knocking her packages to the floor.)
                                                            
                       FLUNKIE TWO
      (Picking a box up
       off the floor.)
RUBBERS!...A hundred to the box!
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
      (lunging for the
       box)
GIMMIE THOSE DAMN YOU!
                                                            
FLUNKIES play keep-away from KATY MAE
                                                            
                       MOE
All right! Knock it off and get
moving, the Bastard's gettin'
away.
                                                            
FLUNKIES and KATY MAE exchange obscene gestures
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
      (Starts up the
       stairs, then
       strikes a pose.)
Yes, I think this innocent little
schoolgirl will be just the
ticket….don't you?
                                                            
 
INT. ONE WEEK LATER IN LILLIE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
                       LILLY
Are you feeling a little better
now Katy Mae? It must have been
a real shock for you to find
Calvin in bed with him…but, I
guess… a virgin is a virgin!
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Oh Lilly, I was actually becoming
quite fond of him. But who am I to
get in the way of genuine love? I
really think he enjoyed all those
different ladies…
                                                            
                       LILLY
KATY MAE! You are such a piece of
work…but I am sure they will be
safe down in Middlescene. Big
Government will never outwit all
            (MORE)

20.

                       LILLY (cont'd)
those Middlebillies hiding them.
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Oh, I really hope so. They were
so sweet to me, and such a change
has come over them. They
said this pissing match between
Jesus and Mohammed is manmade.
They said their religious leaders
were really using the same
techniques, and that Big
Governments and Big Corporations
all over the world are happy to
take advantage of it. Calvin said
"It's all a farce, and people the
world over are buying it!"
                                                            
                       LILLY
      (Hearing JOE'S
       motorcycle.)
It's Joe! Maybe he's bringing us
news about Belinda and Hairball.
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
      (Running to the
       door as JOE
       enters.)
Oh! I hope so
                                                            
                       JOE
I just got the word, Harriet and
BeLinda will be out of the
Hardluck Slam tomorrow! Their a
little banged up from crashin' the
bike, but their o.k.
                                                            
                       LILLY
That's wonderful news!
                                                            
                       JOE
You bet! And I got down to
Middlescene… had a long talk with
Calvin and that young soldier.
Those boys are o.k. in my book! It
gives me hope when I see two
radical religious followers, on
opposite sides of the fence, throw
that garbage out overnight. Maybe
this world can change for the
better. If those two, with just a
little love can make that leap,
well, maybe the rest of this
            (MORE)

21.

                       JOE (cont'd)
planet could too.
                                                            
                       LILLY
Joe, it's wonderful to hear such a
positive attitude! After all
you've been through, I just
expected more anger, but you seem
to have really put that aside. You
even called the terrorist a
soldier just now?
                                                            
                       JOE
Even I got caught up in their
crap. Big Government has pounded
the word terrorist into peoples'
heads for years now. A convenient,
simple instrument to frighten and
control, but these young kids,
like ours, were wearing military
uniforms and they attacked a
legitimate military target. They
are not terrorists. They are
soldiers.
                                                            
There is a loud knock on the door which startles everyone,
especially Joe, who is still on the lam. Before they can
reach the door it opens and five or so ladies and gentlemen,
one of whom is MOE, all dressed in period garb, enter.
                                                            
                       LILLY
Oh Shit! The Victorian Homes Tour!
                                                            
                       TOUR GUIDE
Now this home, built in 1884, is
one of the finer examples of
Boomervilles' colorful past…
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
Not even bombs can stop
Boomervilles tourist trade!
                                                            
                       MOE
      (sidling up to JOE
       surprising him)
Hello Joe…I have something for
you.
                                                            
                       JOE
      (surprised then
       deflated)
Wha…! Ya, an arrest warrant and
handcuffs no doubt
                                                            

22.

                       MOE
      (holding out a
       small bag.)
No. This is something I think
you're going to like.
                                                            
                       KATY MAE
      (Thick sarcasm)
Maybe it's donuts Joe. They love
donuts ya know.
                                                            
                       JOE
      (looking into the
       bag.)
What the hell?! Bones and old
dirty trinkets and shit, what the
hell is this?
                                                            
                       MOE
This is the kind of stuff you find
in Native burial grounds. Ya know,
this town has always called it
Magazine Island, and with good
reason…But it used to be known as
Indian Island.
                                                            
                       JOE
Are you saying there's a native
burial ground over there?
                                                            
                       MOE
Those Bunker Busters did more than
destroy the facility…they exposed
the fact that Big Government
built their bunkers right on top
of the burial ground. This stuff
is lying around everywhere and Big
Governments' scrambling to cover
it up!
                                                            
                       LILLY
Joe! Can you believe what's
happening…you mean he's not under
arrest?
                                                            
                       MOE
Well, as long as I don't catch him
he's not. And if he can make it to
the news media and Tribal
Council, Big Government will have
their hands full and forget all
about this guy.
                                                            

23.

                       JOE
Why the sudden change?
                                                            
                       MOE
To tell you the truth, I like this
little town. It has a lotta heart
to go up against Big Government
like this, and I just decided I
wanted to be a part of it. I
never felt right about this war
Joe, and after watching the
passion you have for making a
difference, trying your damndest
to stop the war and end the
military presence here, my own
life just seemed shallow. When I
leave here I'm turnin' in my
resignation and buying me one of
these Victorian fixer-uppers. I
already got my eye on one uptown
with a great view. The chimney
and part of the roof were
destroyed, so I may get a pretty
good deal on it…
                                                            
One more loud explosion.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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