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Still On Your Side
by David Norman (david3443@gmail.com )

Rated: PG   Genre: Comedy   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED



This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



STILL ON YOUR SIDE

FADE IN:

EXT. DAVE AND JULIEíS APARTMENT BUILDING-LATE AFTERNOON - DAY
                                                            
A COZY HOUSTON, TEXAS APARTMENT BUILDING NESTLED AMONG TREES
AND WHERE MANY YOUNG ADULTS AND COLLEGE STUDENTS ARE OFTEN
SEEN PASSING BY.
                                                            
INT. DAVE AND JULIEíS APARTMENT
                                                            
A SMARTLY DECORATED TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT WITH VERY TRENDY
FURNITURE AND VARIOUS POPULAR CULTURE ITEMS. DAVID, JULIE,
J.C. ARE ALL SITTING ON THE COUCH AND JUSTIN ENTERS.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
Hey Dave, I need a favor.
                                                            
                       NICK
Sure buddy what is it?
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
I need you to go on a date with
me.
                                                            
                       NICK
Gee, Justin youíre dreamy and all
but youíre just not my type.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
No, I need a wingman.
                                                            
                       NICK
Forget it.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
Come on Dave when have I led you a
stray.
                                                            
                       NICK
When? Have you forgotten about
Heather and Heather.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
Hey man you have to admit, Heather
was hot.
                                                            
                       NICK
Yeah I admit your Heather was hot
but my Heather on the other hand
had very small beady eyes and to
be honest with you they kind of
            (MORE)

2.

                       NICK (cont'd)
scared me.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
Hey man youíre being way too
harsh.
                                                            
                       NICK
Too harsh? She looked like an ewok
all we needed was Luke Skywalker
and Hans Solo to fly in on the
milleniuim falcon.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
She canít help it if God made her
a little different.
                                                            
                       NICK
She didnít have any arms.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
No, No thatís not true everyone
knows when you donít have arms
your feet become your hands. Plus
where else are you going to meet a
girl that can cut and eat a whole
porterhouse steak using only eight
of her ten toes.
                                                            
                       NICK
Plus I can't because of this
                                                            
DAVID PULLS A DIAMOND ENGAGEMET RING FROM HIS POCKET
                                                            
                       J.C.
Dave it's just the first date
don't you think you're moving a
little fast.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
I donít know Stormin Norman he is
awful dreamy.
                                                            
                       J.C. (AND JUSTIN)
      (SINGING)
When a Man Loves a Man!!!!
                                                            
                       NICK
No tonight I'm going to ask
Courtney to marry me.
                                                            

3.

                       J.C.
Why?..Why are you doing this to
us?
                                                            
                       NICK
Because I love her.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
And we hate her
                                                            
                       NICK
Look the surprise engagement party
is here at eight. It is very
important you don't screw up
today.
                                                            
                       J.C.
We make no guarantees!
                                                            
INT. DAVE AND JULIE'S APARTMENT-DAY
                                                            
JUSTIN AND J.C ARE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AS JULIE ENTERS WITH
A BOTTLE OF WINE.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Is my boyfriend Peter here?
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
Yeah he's in the bedroom with Dick
                                                            
                       J.C.
I think they're playing with each
other's balls.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Well make all the jokes you want I
have just have the best morning
ever and nothing is going to spoil
my day.
                                                            
JULIE EXITS INTO THE BEDROOM.MOMENTS LATER SHE SCREAM AND
DROPS HER BOTTLE OF WINE AS J.C AND JUSTIN HERE THE NOISE
THEY RACE TO THE BEDROOM TO SEE PETER AND DICK NAKED IN BED
TOGETHER.
                                                            
                       J.C.
Whoa, they really were playing
with there balls.
                                                            

4.

                       PETER
It's not what it looks like
                                                            
                       NIKKI
It looks like you're in bed with
another man
                                                            
                       PETER
OK, so it's exactly what it looks
like
                                                            
                       JUSTIN (TO JULIE)
Well at least nothing can spoil
your day
                                                            
CUT TO:
                                                            
INT.DAVE AND JULIE'S APARTMENT-NIGHT
                                                            
DAVE AND JULIE DRESSED IN FORMAL ATTIRE ARE SETTING THE
TABLE FOR THE ENGAGEMET PARTY AT THEIR APARTMENT.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Stormin Norman, I don't get
it..what is that this other guy
has that I don't?
                                                            
                       NICK
I'm going to take a wild stab in
the dark and guess...a penis.
                                                            
J.C EXICITEDLY ENTERS THE ROOM
                                                            
                       J.C.
Dave, Justin, Julie, and I really
felt bad about earlier today so we
got you an engagement present.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Hold out you hands and close your
eyes and we're going to give you a
big surprise.
                                                            
AS DAVID CLOSES HIS EYES J.C. EXITS AND RE-ENTERS PUSHING
JUSTIN WHO HAPPENS TO BE WEARING A RACING HELMUT AND A
TUXEDO ON AN ADULT SIZED RACE CAR BED.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
      (EXCITEDLY)
Surprise!!!..Don't you love it?
                                                            

5.

                       J.C.
We got it for you because on one
hand guys love cars...
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
And on the other hand girls love
beds...
                                                            
                       NIKKI
So we put our hands together
                                                            
HAPPY IN FULL ARMY DRESS ENTERS CARRYING A NEWLY THIN SANDI
IN HIS ARMS.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
Well if it isnít Leuitinant Happy
and Sandi our favorite friend that
used to be fat.
                                                            
                       NICK
Is it just me or does anybody else
feels like we just walked into a
really weird version of ďAn
Officer and A GENTLEMAN?Ē
                                                            
                       HAPPY
Actually, ďAn Officer and A
GentlemanĒ was about a marine
      (points to his
       name tag)
and Iím in the army.But thanks for
making an idiot out of yourself
for me so I didnít have to.
                                                            
                       HAPPY
I donít know some of the new
cadets were playing with the
cannon and one might have killed
himself or something. I donít
know.
                                                            
                       J.C.
Hey buddy, I was just wondering,
far be it for me to tell you how
to do your job or anything but
doesnít it ever bother you that
one day you will be solely
responsible for the hundreds of
lives of others.
                                                            
                       HAPPY
When I put on this uniform I am
all about business, but when I
come home and take off the
            (MORE)

6.

                       HAPPY (cont'd)
uniform, I could honestly care
less.
                                                            
THE DOOR OPENS, AND MISTY MONROE RUNS IN AND FLINGS HER
PURSE ONTO THE COUCH.
                                                            
                       NICK
      (with arms wide
       open)
Misty!
                                                            
                       MISTY
You, Stormin Norman suck!
                                                            
MISTY THROWS AN EMPTY ROLL OF TOILET PAPER AT DAVID, WHICH
HITS HIM IN THE FOREHEAD. SHE DISAPPEARS INTO THE BATHROOM.
                                                            
                       NICK
What was that all about?
                                                            
                       J.C.
I stole her last roll of toilet
paper.
                                                            
                       NICK
So why do I suck?
                                                            
                       J.C.
Because I left a note on her door
telling her you took it.
                                                            
                       HAPPY (TO DAVID)
If sheís mad now wait until she
realizes you left the seat up.
                                                            
                       MISTY (FROM THE BATHROOM)
      (Screams)
Ahhh
                                                            
MISTY RE-ENTERS THE ROOM CARRYING BOTH A FULL AND EMPTY ROLL
OF TOILET PAPER
                                                            
                       J.C. (TO MISTY)
Did you remember to put the seat
back up?
                                                            
MISTY GIVES HIM A MEAN LOOK AND THROWS THE EMPTY ROLL OF
TOILET PAPER AT DAVID, WHICH ALSO HITS HIM IN THE FOREHEAD.
                                                            
                       NICK
Why do I still suck?
                                                            

7.

                       JUSTIN
Hell hath no fury like a woman who
fell in the toilet
                                                            
                       MISTY
Because
      (grabs her purse
       and puts the roll
       of toilet paper
       inside)
we all graduated high school
together and we all go to college
together, yet I have to go to work
at a Daycare, which I hate;and
deal with little kids, which I
hate; And tonight I had to get
dressed up to eat some fancy
dinner and be surprised by
Courtney ...
      (points at DAVID)
whom I also hate.
                                                            
                       NICK
What can I help it if I love my
girlfriend and want to spend the
rest of my life with her?
                                                            
                       MISTY
Yes you can, Stormin Norman and
that is why you still suck.
                                                            
                       J.C.
And ugly donít forget ugly
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Wow! You look great, so what
happened?
                                                            
                       HAPPY
      (Holding a spoon
       as if it were a
       microphone)
I believe the real question of the
hour is what happened to all the
fat?
                                                            
                       SANDI
Well I went to Fat camp and there
I ran, swam, worked out, and I was
shoved in a dark room, starved too
death and poked and prodded like
the cow I was.
                                                            

8.

EVERYONE IS OBVIOUSLY FREAKED OUT.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN (TO J.C.)
Is it just me or did she just have
a Vietnam flashback
                                                            
                       J.C. (TO JUSTIN)
      (Whispers)
Just go with it
                                                            
SEATTLE KENNEDY ENTERS CARRYING A GLASS OF RED WINE IN ONE
HAND AND A BOTTLE IN THE OTHER.
                                                            
                       MISTY
      (Sarcasticly)
Oh look Seattle's my other
favorite person in the world is
here.Look she a drink in her hand
what a surprise.
                                                            
                       SEATTLE
Are we ready to eat? Oh yeah
where's Sandi.You guys know she
never misses a meal especially
when it's free and includes the
words all you can eat.
                                                            
EVERYONE LOOKs SHOCKED AND AMAZED.
                                                            
                       SEATTLE
      (Pointing to Sandi)
Who's the skinny broad did we
trade Sandi in for compact model
                                                            
                       SANDI (TO SEATTLE)
Seattle it's me...Sandi.
                                                            
                       SEATTLE
Wow honey you look great, I always
knew that one day you would either
just get full and stop eating or
just roll over and die from your
massive obesity. I'm glad to the
full thing happened because the
death thing wouldn't have been
panned out for you to well.
                                                            
AN AWKWARD SILENCE FILLS THE ROOM.
                                                            
                       HAPPY (TO SEATTLE)
You are now officially on "talking
probation" for the rest of the
night.
                                                            

9.

                       SANDI
So what is this big surprise?
                                                            
                       NICK
Well I donít know Courtney just
said that she had a very special
surprise us.
                                                            
                       EVERYONE (EXCEPT DAVID)
      (Sarcastically)
Oh
                                                            
                       NICK
What is that supposed to mean
                                                            
                       MISTY
You know good and well what it
means; it means she wants to get
back together with you
                                                            
                       NIKKI
      (Singing)
Face it Stormin Norman, You want
to kiss her, you want to love her,
you want to marry her.
                                                            
                       NICK
What makes you think that we are
going to get back together? I mean
we decided last time we were over.
And any feelings we had for each
other were just purely physical.
                                                            
                       HAPPY
Thatís exactly what you said last
time and what happened you got
back together.
                                                            
                       SANDI
Well I think its sweet just like
one of those Molly Ringwald
movies.
                                                            
                       J.C. (TO SANDI)
I realize they just let you out of
the stockade, but thereís a
section in the video store called
new releases maybe you should
check it out.
                                                            
                       MISTY
Come off it Stormin Norman, even
though, I donít particularly care
for her, oh who am I kidding I
            (MORE)

10.

                       MISTY (cont'd)
hate her.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
And even though I think she is the
queen of darkness.
                                                            
JUSTIN AND MISTY GIVE EACH OTHER A HI-FIVE
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
We really think you two should be
together. Of course youíll have to
get used to living in eternal
damnation.
                                                            
                       MISTY
But youíre such a wiz with
interior decorating itíll only
feel like eternal darkness.
                                                            
                       NICK
Well when Courtney gets here
weíll, ask her, speaking of which
she was supposed to be here an
hour ago.
                                                            
                       J.C.
Oh yeah all this Courtney talk
reminds me of something. Itíll
probably make everyone laugh, but
not you Dave.
      (pointing to DAVID)
Courtney called like I donít know
an hour ago and said she was going
to be a little late.
                                                            
                       NICK
Gee, J.C. thatís great why didnít
you write it in a note fold it in
half and title it ďThings I Need
to KnowĒ.
                                                            
                       J.C.
What? and miss a free meal, hey a
guy's gotta eat.
                                                            
BREAK
                                                            
CUT TO: LATER
                                                            
 

11.

INT. DAVE AND JULIE"S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
EVERYONE IS SITTING AT THE TABLE, THE SPAN OF ABOUT TWO
HOURS HAS PASSED AND EVERYONE IS STILL WAITING FOR COURTNEY
TO ARRIVE. JUSTIN IS OBVIOUSLY ALREADY DRUNK.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
      (Holding a shot
       glass to his eye
       as if it were a
       JewelerĎs
       Eyepiece)
Would anyone like me to appraise
something?
                                                            
                       HAPPY (TO JUSTIN)
      (Taking glass away
       from Justin)
No more saki for you
                                                            
                       NICK
Where is she itís been like two
hours already?
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Donít worry here have some more
Kung pow chicken
                                                            
                       NICK
Jules, I really donít want
anymore...
                                                            
JULIE SHOVES A SPOON FULL OF KUNG POW CHICKEN IN DAVIDíS
MOUTH.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Iím sorry guys, Iím a little
fashionably late, yet I still
found away to arrive in the same
beautiful manner I always do.
                                                            
                       MISTY
Hey we understand you had to go
home, take a shower, feed your
three headed dog.
                                                            
                       NICK
Court, where were you itís been
two hours,and look Justinís
already drunk.
                                                            

12.

                       JUSTIN (POINTING TO COURTNEY)
      (Drunkenly)
Iím no the drunk one youíre the
drunk one.
                                                            
                       HAPPY
      (Looking from his
       menu)
Why donít you have another one you
lush?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
I was on my way over here then I
got a little weigh-layed.
                                                            
                       MISTY
Well you do get way laid.
                                                            
                       NICK
Anyways Iím glad youíre here so
what is your big surprise.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
First of all I want to say I love
each and every one of you very
much and by each and every one of
you, I mean every one of you until
except for Misty and Justin.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
      (Drunkenly)
Iím not the drunk one
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
That is why I chose to share this
moment with all of you especially
you David.
                                                            
                       NICK
Courtney, I donít know what to say
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
      (Excitedly)
Iím getting married!
                                                            
                       NICK
      (Yelling in dismay)
What!
                                                            
                       SEATTLE
Whoa Never saw that one coming
                                                            

13.

                       J.C.
And a hush falls over the crowd
                                                            
BREAK
                                                            
INT.DAVE AND JULIE'S APARTMENT
                                                            
                       HAPPY
Youíre getting married thatís
great, so whoís the lucky guy?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
None other than Mr. Jason Stone
Jr.
                                                            
                       SANDI
Jason Stone Jr., as in I own half
of Austin, Jason Stone Jr., as in
Texas Monthlyís hottest and
richest man in Texas, Jason Stone
Jr.
                                                            
                       SEATTLE
As in Ten times richer and better
looking than David? Jason Stone
Jr.
                                                            
                       NICK (TO SEATTLE)
As in could we shut up about Jason
Stone Jr., Jason Stone Jr.?
                                                            
                       SANDI
Can I be a bridesmaid? a skinny
bridesmaid?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Sure in fact since youíre my
roommate no longer the size of a
house I want you to be my maid of
honor.
                                                            
                       SANDI
Iím going to be maid of honor, a
skinny maid of honor.
                                                            
                       NICK (TO COURTNEY)
What do you know about getting
married? there are things like
love and commitment
      (looking down at
       ring)
and look at that rock, Is this
platinum?
                                                            

14.

                       COURTNEY
You know it, and I want all of my
friends to be in my wedding party
even Justin and Misty.
                                                            
JUSTIN RUNS UP AND HUGS COURTNEY CATCHING HER OFF GUARD
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
      (Being hugged by
       Justin)
Are you drooling on me?
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
      (still hugging
       Courtney)
Iím just so happy
                                                            
JUSTIN WIPES DROOL FROM HIS MOUTH AND CONTINUES TO HUG
COURTNEY
                                                            
 
EXT. THE AVENUE - NIGHT
                                                            
A LOCAL SANDWICH SHOP AND KARAOKE BAR LOCATED IN DOWNTOWN
AUSTIN THAT IS A POPULAR HANGOUT SPOT FOR MOST OF THE TOWNíS
COLLEGE STUDENTS AND FUTURE YUPPIES OF AMERICA.
                                                            
INT. THE AVENUE
                                                            
A SMARTLY DECORATED KARAOKE BAR, WHICH FUSES CLASSIC RETRO
DESIGN WITH MODERN D…COR WHILE STILL SUPPLYING ALL OF THE
COMFORTS OF HOME.
                                                            
A VERY POORLY DRESSED OLDER MAN SINGS A VERY BAD VERSION OF
ďITíS NOT UNUSUALĒ BY TOM JONES ON THE KARAOKE STAGE. JULIE,
SANDI, AND COURTNEY ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH AND DAVID IS AT
THE BAR ORDERING A DRINK FOR COURTNEY AND MOCKING THEIR
CONVERSATION.WHILE JUSTIN, J.C., AND HAPPY PLAY A GAME OF
POOL AND ENGAGE IN SOME SERIOUS GUY TALK.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
So whenís the big day?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Well since Jason is so busy with
business, weíre going to have to
have the wedding a little sooner
than expected.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
How soon is sooner?
                                                            

15.

                       COURTNEY
This weekend
                                                            
DAVID SPITS OUT HIS DRINK
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Isnít that kind of kind of soon, I
mean arenít you guys worried about
moving too fast.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Well when youíre young, in love,
and rich not much else seems to
matter.
                                                            
                       SANDI
So how did you guys meet?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
I was in Venice studying abroad
and he was there on business and
after that it was the same old
love story. Girl meets guy, guy
buys girl expensive gifts, girl
falls in love with expensive
gifts, que sara sara. The next
thing you know weíre engaged.
                                                            
DAVID WALKS OVER TO THE COUCH
                                                            
                       NICK
So youíre saying youíre marrying
him just for his money!
                                                            
DAVID HANDS THE DRINK TO COURTNEY
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Donít be silly I love him (takes a
sip of her drink and pauses) and
his money.
                                                            
INT. HAPPY, JUSTIN, J.C.'S APARTMENT
                                                            
A SMALL BUT SPACIOUS THREE BEDROOM APARTMENT LOCATED
DIRECTLY NEXT DOOR TO DAVE AND JULIE'S APARTMENT.IT IS
FURNISHED WITH A LARGE T.V. SEVERAL RECLINERS MIXED-MATCHED
FURNITURE AN AIR HOCKEY TABLE AND VARIOUS RAT PACK POSTERS
COVER THE WALL.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
I donít know what the big deal is
about marriages anyways. I mean
for girls they get to wear fancy
dresses, cry their eyes out, and
            (MORE)

16.

                       JUSTIN (cont'd)
catch a stupid bouquet. But for
guys all we do is stand at some
dumb alter sweating our lives away
in a really expensive monkey suit,
while we watch some other poor guy
walk down the aisle and throw his
freedom away.
                                                            
                       HAPPY
There are just as many
opportunities for guys at weddings
as there are for girls. For one
thing what are weddings always
filled with hot bridesmaids and
hot lonely chicks. So while
theyíre crying their eyes out in
an apple martini or some other
girly drink thatís not beer, you
can swoop in for the kill. All you
have to do is tell how pretty she
looks, throw in an ďI Love YouĒ or
two I donít know whatever floats
your boat.
                                                            
                       J.C.
If that doesnít work out for you,
thereís always that super drunk,
super lonely hot chick that will
go home with whomever talks to her
last. But either way...
                                                            
                       HAPPY (AND J.C.)
Badda Bing badda boom; youíre in,
sheís out, youíre on with your
life.
                                                            
 
INT. DAVE AND JULIEíS APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
JULIE AND SEATTLE ARE IN THE APARTMENT KITCHEN MAKING
BREAKFAST THEY ARE BOTH WEARING PAJAMAS AND EVENING GLOVES.
MISTY IS SITTING AT THE TABLE DRINKING COFFEE, EATING A
BAGEL AND READING THE PAPER. DAVID ENTERS FROM THE BEDROOM.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Whatís going down Charlie Brown?
                                                            
                       NICK
I was so busy thinking about this
stupid wedding I hardly got any
sleep last night.
                                                            

17.

                       NIKKI
So thatís why you were so frisky
in bed last night, and I thought
it was because you had too much to
drink last night.
                                                            
                       NICK
First I of all I was not ďfriskyĒ
I was restless, and I only move
around so much because you are
such a cover hog
      (noticing their
       hands)
Are you two already wearing the
gloves?
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Itís not everyday one of our best
friends gets married. Even though
you donít agree with it , you
should at least support her.
                                                            
                       SEATTLE (TO DAVID)
And plus the gloves make us feel
pretty.You know what you need a
nice strong drink to get the blood
pumping.How does a breakfast
mimosa sound?
                                                            
                       NICK
It's eight o'clock in the morning.
                                                            
                       SEATTLE
What's your point?
                                                            
                       NICK
Itís not that simple, I think, I
think Iím in love with her. In
fact I know I am.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Maybe you should tell her this
                                                            
                       NICK
When?
                                                            
                       NIKKI
When she comes over, she called
earlier this morning and said she
was coming over to tell you
something really important
                                                            

18.

                       NICK
      (Sarcasticlly)
What could that be? Oh let me
guess sheís having Jason Stone
Jr.ís baby, because that would
just be the highlight of my
morning.
                                                            
                       MISTY
Well Iím off to my job at Donna
and Karenís Daycare or as I like
to call it Purgatory.
                                                            
                       NICK (TO MISTY)
If you hate that place so much,
why do you work there?
                                                            
                       MISTY
Because unlike you Richie Rich, I
have to go to work
                                                            
                       NICK
Sandi works there and she seems to
love it.
                                                            
                       MISTY
She only loves it because when she
was fat she got all the half eaten
Twinkies and ding dongs she could
eat.
                                                            
COURTNEY HURRIEDLY WALKS INTO THE ROOM
                                                            
                       MISTY
      (Sniffing the air)
Courtney, whatís that enchanting
scent youíre wearing? Brimstone
                                                            
                       COURTNEY (TO MISTY)
Misty; sweet, simple, civil
servant, I work for minimum wage
Misty
                                                            
                       NICK
Courtney thereís something I
really need to tell you
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Great, but me first
                                                            
                       NICK
O...Kay
                                                            

19.

                       COURTNEY
As you know Daddy is away with the
third wife in Rome and since you
and I have grown so close over the
years
                                                            
                       MISTY
      (Slightly annoyed)
Yeah, yeah daddyís gone, grown so
close, what do you want?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
I want you to give me away.
                                                            
                       MISTY
With pleasure
                                                            
                       NICK
      (Solemnly)
Sure
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
      (Hurriedly)
Great I knew you wouldnít let me
down, the rehearsal dinner is
tomorrow and youíll have to get
fitted for your tux today with the
rest of the boys and can you get
fitted for Jason too he wonít have
time to stop by. I love you David
Norman
                                                            
COURTNEY KISSES DAVID ON THE CHEEK GRABS THE BOTTOM HALF OF
MISTYíS BAGEL AND WALKS OUT THE DOOR.
                                                            
                       NICK
Now, I think she knows exactly
where I stand
                                                            
MISTY THROWS THE REMAINDER OF THE BAGEL AT DAVID
                                                            
 
INT. HAPPY, JUSTIN, AND J.C.'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
DAVE AND HAPPY ENJOY A DRINK AND AND WATCH TV WHILE JUSTIN
AND J.C ENGAGE IN A VERY HEATED AIR HOCKEY MATCH.
                                                            
                       HAPPY (TO DAVID)
So Let me get this straight you
were about to tell her you love
her and now youíre giving her away
to marry this other guy.
                                                            

20.

                       NICK
Well if you want to be a jerk
about it; yes, yes I am.
                                                            
                       J.C.
See, Dave the whole problem here
is that you think you're in love
with her.
                                                            
                       NICK
But I am in love with her.
                                                            
                       J.C.
See, no youíre not, you want to
know how I know?
                                                            
                       NICK
Enlighten me
                                                            
                       J.C.
Because thereís no such thing as
love, it simply doesnít exist.
                                                            
                       NICK
So youíre telling me there is no
such thing as love
                                                            
                       J.C.
Sure, thereís the love you have
for your mom, your dog, and a tall
cold glass of beer. But that
romantic stuff youíre talking
about some old guys just made that
up along time ago to sell
Valentines Day cards and as
something for guys to say to get
girls into bed.
                                                            
                       NICK
Youíre telling me hypothetically
since there is no such thing as
love youíre never going to fall in
love or even think about getting
married one day.
                                                            
                       J.C.
You know it buddy, once I get out
of school I'm going to be that
really hot office guy that hooks
up with all hot secretaries and
interns and eventually sleeps his
way all the way to the top. Iím
sure at family reunions Iíll be
viewed as that weird uncle that
            (MORE)

21.

                       J.C. (cont'd)
everybody knows isnít gay but
wonders why he isnít married but I
can live with that
                                                            
                       NICK
      (still being
       measured)
You sure do set the bar high for
yourself J.C.
                                                            
                       J.C.
I do what I can to make my life
easier one day at a time
                                                            
 
INT. COURTNEY AND SANDIíS APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
INT. COURTNEY AND SANDIíS APARTMENT.A very colorful and
stylish two bedroom apartment that is reminiscent of spread
in Seventeen magazines.
                                                            
SANDI IS EXERCISING IN FRONT OF THE TV WHILE SEATTLE WATCHES
AND SIPS ON A MIXED DRINK.
                                                            
                       SANDI
      (Exercising)
One, two, three, no more fat for
me;
                                                            
                       SEATTLE (TO SANDI)
Two, three, four you're fat no
more.
                                                            
COURTNEY WALKS INTO THE APARTMENT CARRYING BAGS, FLOWERS,
SHOES, AND A HANGER IN HER MOUTH AND SHE IS OBVIOUSLY
FRUSTRATED AND STRESSED OUT FORM THE DAYS EVENTS.
                                                            
                       SANDI
Hey, there bride to be.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Oh my goodness you two have no
idea all the work that goes into a
wedding today alone I had to pick
out flowers, get my dress, Iím
still in love with David, I had to
get the perfect shoes.
                                                            
                       SANDI
Well, it is essential to get the
right shoes.
                                                            

22.

COURTNEY AND SEATLLE GIVE HER A BEFUDDLED LOOK AS IF
EVERYTHING COURTNEY HAS SAID HAS JUST FLOWN OVER SANDIíS
HEAD
                                                            
                       SANDI
Oh this is about David, (pauses)
and not about the shoes,
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
I donít know what happened I woke
this morning and I had Jason on my
mind and then I went to Davidís
place and on my way out of his
apartment. I kissed him on the
cheek and said I love you David
Norman
                                                            
                       SANDI
You always tell him that
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
This time I meant it, and I know
he that he knows I meant it
                                                            
                       SEATTLE
Well how do you know that he
knows?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
I just kind of know these
things...you know
                                                            
                       SANDI
What are you going to do about
this?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Iím not sure when I woke up this
morning I knew my heart was with
Jason and now I donít know where
it is or if was ever with Jason or
if it ever left David. Oh whatís a
funny, attractive, beautiful, rich
girl like me to do?
                                                            
                       SANDI
Listen, you know what was the most
important thing I learned this
summer at fat camp.
                                                            

23.

                       SEATTLE
When you go there people treat you
like cattle and poke you with
sticks
                                                            
                       SANDI
Yes, that and no matter what you
need to be happy with the
decisions you make. From the first
day there they told us if we were
happy shoving Twinkies down our
throats everyday than we could
catch the first Little Debbie
truck out of there. But if we
wanted to be thin we could stay
there and suck it up
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
      (Confused)
But Iím already thin; just stop
talking to me in riddles
                                                            
                       SANDI
All Iím saying is follow your
heart and youíll make the right
decision.
                                                            
Courtney heads towards her room thinks for a minute and
turns to ask Sandi a question
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Are you happy with the decision
you made?
                                                            
                       SANDI
Do I look like I still weigh four
hundred pounds?
                                                            
 
EXT. WEDDING CHAPEL - NIGHT
                                                            
A beautiful chapel in the countryside nestled among the
trees and lovely ivy growing on the exterior walls.
                                                            
INT. WEDDING CHAPEL-BANQUET HALL
                                                            
A beautifully decorated banquet hall with many beautiful
centerpieces on the tables and exotic flowers abound.
                                                            
DAVE, JULIE, MISTY,SANDI, HAPPY AND, COURTNEY ARE SITTING AT
THE HEAD TABLE WHILE JUSTIN AND J.C. STAND BY THE BAR
DRINKING CHAMPAGNE AND SEATTLE HAS OBVIOUSLY HAD TOO MUCH TO
DRINK IS ALL OVER EVERY MAN IN THE ROOM.UNCLE CHARLIE AN OLD

24.

LOOKING MIDDLE AGED MAN WITH A TENDANCY TO EMBELLISH ON
STORIES AND SLIGHT BUT WELL KNOWN DRINKING PROBLEM GIVES A
SPEECH AT THE PODIUM.
                                                            
                       UNCLE CHARLIE
      (Drunkenly and
       falling over)
And that ladies and gentlemen is
how I single handedly defeated
Vietnam, World War II, and saved
Private Ryan.
                                                            
COURTNEY QUICKLY WALKS TO THE PODIUM AND SNATCHES THE
MICROPHONE FROM UNCLE CHARLIEíS HAND.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Thank you Uncle Charlie
                                                            
COURTNEY PLACES THE MICROPHONE BACK ON THE STAND AND ANGRILY
WALKS TOWARD EVERYONE AT THE HEAD TABLE
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Alright which one of you yahoos
gave drunk Uncle Charlie the booze
                                                            
JUSTIN AND J.C. RAISE THEIR GLASSES AND SMILE AT COURTNEY
                                                            
                       J.C. (AND JUSTIN)
Cheers
                                                            
COURTNEY SCOWLS AT THEM AND WALKS OVER TO HAPPY.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY (TO HAPPY)
Happy, we'rent you supposed to be
monitoring Seattle's drinking
                                                            
                       HAPPY
Oh come on She's not that far gone
look over there..
                                                            
CUT TO:
SEATTLE is screaming with glee as three very large muscle
bound men thrown up and down in the air.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY (TO HAPPY)
They're throwing her around like a
rag doll.
                                                            
                       HAPPY (TO COURTNEY)
A rag doll? No...A superball maybe
but not a rag doll.Plus it's not
my fault everytime your cousin
gets smashed she turns into
insta-slut. Look I don't make the
            (MORE)

25.

                       HAPPY (cont'd)
rules, I just see them through.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Just Go Get Her
                                                            
                       HAPPY (TO MEN O.S)
      (Yelling)
Alright guys put Seattle down,
Cause if you break her we can't
buy a new one, plus that means she
won't go home with any of us, and
that's no fun at all.
                                                            
CUT TO:
DAVE AND JULIE AT THE HEAD TABLE.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Hey Stormin Norman whatís wrong
youíre not even eating your patteí
                                                            
                       NICK
Well letís see Jules is it because
the girl of my dreams is getting
married tomorrow or because the
girl of my dreams is getting
married tomorrow, itís just so
hard to tell
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Hey cheer up champ just, besides
the patteí here is great
                                                            
JULIE SHOVES A CRACKER IN DAVIDĎS MOUTH
                                                            
                       NICK
      (Chewing)
Youíre really going to have to
stop doing that.
                                                            
DAVID GETS UP FROM THE TABLE AND WALKS OVER TO COURTNEY WHO
SEEMS TO BE ENGAGED IN A VERY BORING CONVERSATION WITH MAN1
AND MAN2 TWO VERY INTELLIGENT LOOKING YOUNG BUSINESS MEN WHO
ARE HERE CLEARLY ONLY TO SUPPORT THE GROOM.
                                                            
                       NICK
Hey Court can I talk to you for a
minute.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Oh Iíd love to but Iím in the
middle of a very engaging
conversation.
                                                            

26.

                       NICK
You donít even know what they are
talking about.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Yes I do we were just talking
about Calvin Kleinís new
sportswear collection.
                                                            
                       MAN 1
No we arenít, we were discussing
world peace
                                                            
                       COURTNEY (TO MAN1)
Who asked you anyways?

                                                            
                       NICK (TO COURTNEY)
Why are you doing this?

                                                            

COURTNEY LOOKS AWAY FROM DAVID
                                                            
                       NICK
Avoiding me, see youíre not even
looking at me.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
But the flowers, they look so
pretty on this side.

                                                            
GUESTS AT THE REHEARSAL DINNER START TO CROWD THE DANCE
FLOOR AND BEGIN TO DANCE.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Look, people are starting to crowd
the dance floor.
                                                            
                       NICK
Then letís dance
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
We canít do that, you know itís
bad luck to dance with bride the
night before her wedding day.
                                                            

27.

                       NICK
No itís not you just made that up.

                                                            
                       COURTNEY
It sounds like it could be true
                                                            
                       NICK
Please
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Alright, but just one dance O.K.
                                                            
                       NICK
Alright then letís Tango.
                                                            
DAVID CLAPS HIS HANDS AND AS TANGO MUSIC ENSUES, EVERYONE
CLEARS THE DANCE FLOOR AS DAVID AND COURTNEY DANCE AND TALK
                                                            
                       NICK
Thereís something I need to tell
you
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
What?
                                                            
                       NICK
I think Iím still in love with
you.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Well Iím sorry David, youíre too
late because I already know you
love me which is why Iím marrying
Jason tomorrow.
                                                            
                       NICK
That doesnít make any sense
because, now you know that I love
you and I know that you love me
too.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
How do you know that?
                                                            
                       NICK
Oh I know, I Know.
                                                            
THE DANCE FLOOR BEGINS TO FILL UP AGAIN AND HAPPY AND JULIE
ARE SOON DANCING RIGHT NEXT TO DAVID AND COURTNEY.
                                                            

28.

                       COURTNEY
Even if you are right, this is
hardly the type of thing you tell
someone on the night before her
wedding.
                                                            
                       NICK
Neither is this
                                                            
DAVID SPINS COURTNEY TO ONE SIDE. HE THEN DIPS HER AND DAVID
AND COURTNEY LOOK INTO EACH OTHERíS EYES AND KISS.COURTNEY
IS SO SHOCKED SHE FALLS OUT OF DAVIDíS HANDS.EVERYONE LOOKS
ON IN SHOCK AND DISBELIEF.
                                                            
                       HAPPY
      (Looking Down)
Bride down, Bride down; And by
bride down I mean bride might be a
little dead.
                                                            
 
EXT. WEDDING CHAPEL - DAY
                                                            
A BEAUTIFUL CHAPEL IN THE COUNTRYSIDE NESTLED AMONG THE
TREES AND LOVELY IVY GROWING ON THE EXTERIOR WALLS.
                                                            
INT. WEDDING CHAPEL-BRIDAL ROOM
                                                            
A BEAUTIFULLY DECORATED DRESSING ROOM WITH ANTIQUE FURNITURE
AND FLOWERS ABOUND.
                                                            
COURTNEY IS PACING BACK AND FORTH AND DRINKING A BOTTLE OF
BEER SUDDENLY JULIE WALKS INTO THE ROOM WEARING A RED AND
WHITE STRIPED BRIDESMAID DRESS.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
O.K. whatís the emergency, I came
here as soon as you called.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
      (Drunkenly)
Julie; sweet, loveable, kind
hearted Julie. Darling you look
fabulous.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Please, I look like a strawberry
dreamsicle
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
      (Drunkenly)
I know arenít they beautiful,
Jasonís grandmother picked them
out.
            (MORE)

29.

                       COURTNEY (cont'd)

                                                            
                       NIKKI
Courtney, are you drunk.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY (DRUNKENLY)
      (makes a small
       hand gesture)
Just a little bit
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Youíre drunk on you wedding day,
thatís terrible. Now I need a
beer.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
      (Drunkenly)
Here take mine
                                                            
COURTNEY HANDS JULIE HER BEER AND PULLS A FLASK FROM HER
WEDDING BOUQUET AND BEGINS TO DRINK FROM IT.JULIE
IMMEDIATLEY TAKES THE FLASK FROM HER.COURTNEY PLOPS DOWN ON
A CHAIR AND BEGINS TO CRY.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Hey donít cry, look whatís wrong.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
      (Crying)
Whatís wrong with me, well last
night after David kissed me and
told me he loved me and that I
love him, which I do and I woke up
from my brief coma. I decided that
I was going to marry Jason no
matter what and now, now I donít
want to marry him at all.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Well do you want to marry David?
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
No, but I do want to make out with
him again
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Sweetheart, I think itís a little
too late for that. Listen outside
of that door are two young men
that would love to spend the rest
of their lives with you. But what
youíve got do is decide if you
            (MORE)

30.

                       NIKKI (cont'd)
want to get married today than
hold your head up high and strut
your stuff down the aisle. But if
you donít then take off in run
away in the opposite direction.
                                                            
CUT TO:
                                                            
INT. WEDDING CHAPEL-AFTERNOON
                                                            
A beautifully decorated wedding chapel with many beautiful
decorations on the walls pews full of on looking guest and
exotic flowers abound.



HAPPY, J.C., JUSTIN, JULIE, SANDI,MISTY AND A VERY HUNG OVER
SUN GLASS CLAD SEATTLE ARE ALL STANDING AT THE ALTER.
ALONGSIDE THEM ARE MINISTER JONES, A KIND GOD FEARING
MINISTER, WHO LOOKS MORE THAN READY TO GET THE SHOW ON THE
ROAD AND JASON STONE JR. A VERY GOOD LOOKING YOUNG MAN, WHO
IS VERY NERVOUSLY ANTICIPATING THE ARRIVAL OF HIS SOON BRIDE
TO BE.
                                                            
                       MISTY (TO JASON)
      (Whispers)
You know if things donít work out
for you and the one-eyed monster
in Prada, I just want you to know
Iím available, very available.
                                                            
                       NIKKI (TO SANDI)
      (Whispers)
What's wrong with Seattle?
                                                            
                       SANDI (TO JULIE)
      (Whispers)
You remember all that vodka she
had to drink last night at the
bachelorette party.Well apparently
Vodka and half a dildo cake do not
make for the most pleasant
morning after.
                                                            
                       J.C. (TO HAPPY)
      (Whispers)
Twenty bucks says David finds some
way to screw this wedding up in
less than ten minutes.
                                                            

31.

                       HAPPY
      (Whispering)
Make it fifty and we have a deal.
                                                            
THE MAIN DOORS SWING OPEN AND EVERYONE STANDS UP AS DAVID
AND COURTNEY WALK DOWN THE AISLE.
                                                            
                       MINISTER JONES
Does anyone have any reason why
this man and woman should not be
joined together in holy matrimony,
speak now or forever hold peace?
                                                            
COURTNEY LOOKS AT JASON, THEN SHE LOOKS AT DAVID, THEN SHE
LOOKS AT JULIE, AND TAKES OF RUNNING DOWN THE AISLE AND OUT
THE DOOR.ALL OF A SUDDEN ALL EYES ARE ON DAVID.
                                                            
                       HAPPY (TO J.C.)
Whoa never saw that one coming
                                                            
HAPPY HANDS J.C. THE FIFTY DOLLARS
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Too bad I did
                                                            
                       NICK (TO THE WEDDING GUESTS)
I know everyone here is probably a
little upset at me but in a few
days, months, or even years weíll
all look at this and laugh some
day.
                                                            
                       GRANDMA STONE (O.S.)
      (Yelling)
No we wonít!
                                                            
                       JUSTIN (TO DAVID)
Dude, sheís right no oneís
laughing
                                                            
                       NICK (TO JUSTIN)
Just give them some time theyíll
come around.
                                                            
                       GRANDMA STONE (O.S.)
      (yelling)
No we wonít, home wrecker!
                                                            
                       NICK
      (Angrily)
Alright thatís it grandma you and
me in the parking lot right now!
                                                            

32.

DAVID ANGRILY LUNGES TOWARD THE CROWD TO FIGHT GRANDMA STONE
AS JULIE, HAPPY, JUSTIN, J.C., SANDI, AND MISTY HOLD HIM
BACK.
                                                            
 
INT. WEDDING CHAPEL-BANQUET HALL - NIGHT
                                                            
COURTNEY IS SITTING ALONE ON DANCE THE FLOOR SULKING ABOUT
THE DAYíS EVENTS.DAVID ENTERS THE ROOM WORRIDLY AS IF HE HAD
BEEN SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING ALL DAY.HE QUICKLY COMES IN AND
SITS DOWN BESIDE HER.
                                                            
                       NICK
Hey Iíve been looking for you all
over the place.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Well you found me, the only girl
in history to get drunk and run
away from her own wedding in the
matter of a few hours.
                                                            
                       NICK
Oh Iím sure itís not that uncommon
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Really!
                                                            
                       NICK
No, but hey thereís no reason for
such a pretty girl to be sad on
her almost wedding day. Here let
me give you a foot massage.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
You really donít have to
                                                            
                       NICK
But I want to
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
O.K. you win
                                                            
DAVID MASSAGES COURTNEYíS FEET AND NOTICES HER PANTYHOSE
                                                            
                       NICK
Wow these hose are really well
made, what are they nylon or silk.
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Silk
                                                            

33.

                       NICK
Knee high or full length
                                                            
                       COURTNEY
Full Length
                                                            
DAVID LIFTS UP HER DRESS AND LOOKS UNDERNEATH IN DISBELIEF
                                                            
                       NICK
      (Smiling)
Very Nice, Look Court I just
wanted to say I was really proud
of you today. Because for the
first time at least since Iíve
known you. You actually followed
your heart and made the right
decision. I guess thatís why I
love you so much.
                                                            
DAVID AND COURTNEY KISS EACH WHILE JULIE, HAPPY, J.C.,
JUSTIN, MISTY, AND SANDI WALK IN THE ROOM.
                                                            
                       NIKKI
Well, well we leave you two crazy
kids alone for one minute and
there you are just making out for
the world to see.
                                                            
                       SANDI (TO COURTNEY)
Actually we came here to tell you
know matter what anyone out there
was saying about you.
                                                            
                       HAPPY
And know matter how many people
are waiting to beat you up in the
parking lot.
                                                            
                       EVERYONE
We still love you
                                                            
                       MISTY
But rest assured tomorrow I will
hate.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
Me too.
                                                            
                       NICK
      (Helping Courtney
       to her feet)
Come on Runaway Bride letís go
home.
                                                            

34.

EVERYONE BEGINS TO WALK OUT.
                                                            
                       J.C.
Hey Dave that old lady you tried
to beat up told me to give you her
number, apparently she likes a guy
with guts and she said her husband
is away a lot.
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
See dude thatís perfect me, you
Heather, Heather, and the old
chick itíll work.
                                                            
                       NICK
Forget it
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
Before you say no just here me
out.
                                                            
                       NICK
No
                                                            
                       JUSTIN
You didnít even wait.
                                                            


FADE OUT.


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