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WHAT I JUST SAW
by Kevin Higgins (liamhiggins984@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED

In the pilot for a new series called To Boldly Flee, a girl named Alyssa Michaels joins a website for internet reviewers only to find out the website is run by mismanagement from a sleazy CEO named Jimmie Williams.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. WELLGANS PHARMACY - AFTERNOON
                                                            
ALYSSA MICHAELS, a young, 22-year old girl, is standing at
the counter, bored. MARGARET, the manager of the store, is
across from her, putting up halloween decorations in the
store.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Hey Alyssa, who are you going to
vote for? Obama or McCain?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Obama of course. I'm so sick of
Bush's crap, I can't vote for
another Republican right now.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
I know! My god, can we just end
the Iraq War right now? And don't
get me started on the economy!
                                                            
A Customer walks up to Alyssa. He hands Alyssa the 5 items
he bought and she scans all of them.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
That'll be $39.95!
                                                            
The Customer hands her his Wellgans card. She scans it but
it's declined.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I'm sorry but your card's been
declined.
                                                            
                       RUDE CUSTOMER
What?! Check the expiration date!
                                                            
Alyssa looks at the expiration date.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Yeah, it expired yesterday, I'm
sorry about that. But you can buy
a new one.
                                                            
                       RUDE CUSTOMER
Sorry? Sorry! It's over by one
day! One fucking day! It's
ridiculous, you can't take a card
that's expired by one fucking
day?!
                                                            

2.

Alyssa, OVERWHELMED by the customer's complaint, looks at
Margaret, NERVOUSLY.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa walks away from the counter as Margaret deals with
the customer. She looks EXASPERATED, wondering if this is
where her life is going to lead.
                                                            
                       RUDE CUSTOMER (V.O.)
This is freaking ridiculous! You
won't take a card that expired
yesterday?!
                                                            
                       MARGARET (V.O.)
I'm sorry but that's just store
policy.
                                                            
 
INT. BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa is sitting at a table, drinking beer with her
friends. There are halloween decorations on the windows near
where their sitting.
                                                            
                       DANIEL
Hey Alyssa, how've you been?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I'm good. I'm good. How's law
school going?
                                                            
                       DANIEL
Great. Just started my internship
with Minelli's firm.
                                                            
                       NICK
Really? That's great!
                                                            
                       JUDY
That's really awesome.
                                                            
                       DANIEL
Thanks Nick. Thanks Judy.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Yeah, I'm really happy for you.
                                                            
Suddenly Alyssa gets sad, slightly jealous that Daniel's
life is going somewhere while her's isn't. Suddenly Alyssa
thinks about her own life.

Begin Flashback:
                                                            
 

3.

INT. ADMISSIONS OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is talking to the admissions officer at the college
she attended. The admissions officer is sitting behind a
computer.
                                                            
                       ADMISSIONS OFFICER
So Alyssa, have you decided on a
major yet?
                                                            
Alyssa is nervous because she's still not sure.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Put me down for, uhh, liberal
studies.
                                                            
End Flashback.
                                                            
 
INT. BAR - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa is still thinking about the years she's wasted away.

Begin Flashback:
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
Many people are at the Michaels' house, celebrating Alyssa's
college graduation. JOHN, Alyssa's father, is looking at
Alyssa.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
I can't believe it, my baby girl
is growing up.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
      (NERVOUS)
What's next, Dad? Are you gonna
say it just feels like yesterday I
was in diapers?
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Oh, how did you know?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
      (NERVOUS)
'Cause you always say corny stuff
like that.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            

4.

Now Alyssa's father is no longer there and her Aunt Janice
is looking at her instead.
                                                            
                       AUNT JANICE
It must be exciting to finally be
done with college.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa's cousin is now looking at her instead.
                                                            
                       COUSIN EMMANUEL
What's next? Are you going to go
straight to grad school? Or are
you going to take a year off?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa looks at him, nervously, not really sure what's next.

End Flashback.
                                                            
 
INT. BAR- NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa stares into air, contemplating what her life has
become. She sighs.
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa walks in the house. She passes by her Dad, whose
sitting on the couch, watching TV.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Hey honey, how was your---?
                                                            
She walks upstairs, ignoring her father.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa walks into her room, which is filled with posters of
fake B-movies. She walks up to a shelf of DVD's and VHS's
and takes out a DVD copy of a movie called IRON BROTHER,
which has a big guy in a cheap robot costume looking down at
a shorter guy with an "uh oh" face.

She takes her laptop, which is on a desk near the shelf, and
lies down on the bed. Then she takes the DVD out of its case
and puts it in the laptop.
                                                            
 

5.

INT. IRON BROTHER - LAB - NIGHT
                                                            
Scientists are in a lab, wearing lab coats and looking
through a microscope.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
We know these are scientists
because their looking through a
microscope. That's a science-y
thing!
                                                            
                       SCIENTIST#1
We must figure out the formula
quickly.
                                                            
                       SCIENTIST #2
Before it's too late.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
She giggles. She feels a little better about what's going on
in her life.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Wow the dialogue is cliche. Nice
to know some middle schooler's
creative writing script got turned
into an actual movie.
                                                            
Suddenly John knocks at the door. Alyssa pauses the movie
and gets up.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Come in.
                                                            
John walks in.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Hey Alyssa, what are you up to?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Watching Iron Brother.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Can I watch?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Sure.
                                                            
He sits on the bed next to her. She plays the movie.
                                                            
 

6.

INT. IRON BROTHER - LAB -NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
VIC, a skinny, sleazy man, walks into the lab with two
goons.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Goddammit, we should've locked the
door.
                                                            
                       SCIENTIST#1
Vic, what are you doing here?
                                                            
                       VIC
I need Iron Brother.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS (V.O.)
They literally called him Iron
Brother?
                                                            
                       SCIENTIST #2
You'll have to pry him from my
cold, dead hands.
                                                            
Vic smirks.
                                                            
                       VIC
That can be arranged.
                                                            
The goons start fighting Scientist#2 and suddenly
Scientist#2 turns into a much buffer, much younger man.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You idiots! These are not them!
Those are their stunt doubles!
                                                            
Alyssa and John laugh.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
This movie's hilarious.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I'm surprised you don't
legitimately like it. After all
the dialogue is so cliche, it's
like you wrote it!
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Am I that predictable?
                                                            

7.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Nah, you're not. So do you want
something?
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Yeah, is everything okay?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Everything's fine. Why do you ask?
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
It just seems like something's
bugging you.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
It's nothing. Really.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Are you sure you don't want to
talk about it?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
It's just...I don't know what to
do with my life.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Well you just graduated college, I
wouldn't worry about it too much.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
That's the point of college,
you're supposed to figure out what
you want to do there! My friends
all seem to have their shit
figured out but me? No!
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
If it makes you feel any better, I
didn't exactly know what I wanted
to do with my future when I
graduated either.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
But you at least had some idea of
what field you wanted to get into.
I don't. All I know is I don't
want to work at Wellgan's for the
rest of my life!
                                                            

8.

                       JOHN MICHAELS
I understand how you feel. You
just have to see what's out there
and what you're good at. Don't
worry, you'll figure it out.
                                                            
Alyssa smirks.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Very original, Dad. But seriously,
thanks.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
You're welcome. I gotta get going
but, if you need anything, I'll be
downstairs.
                                                            
John leaves. Alyssa sighs and lies down on the bed, still
not sure what she's going to do. She thinks about it for a
second. Then she decides to go back to watching the movie
and presses play.
                                                            
 
INT. IRON BROTHER - LAB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The stunt double keeps fighting the goon when the DVD starts
skipping.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa gets frustrated with this and takes the DVD out of
the computer. She looks at the DVD and sees that it has a
huge scratch on the front of the disc.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Goddammit.
                                                            
She sighs and pulls up Youtube on her computer. She searches
for Iron Brother. She sees Iron Brother is split up into 9
parts. In between those parts, she sees a video called WHAT
I JUST SAW-IRON MAN. This catches her curiosity and she
presses play.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY
                                                            
ADRIAN MORRIS, a young, lanky internet reviewer, is sitting
behind a desk, talking to the camera.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Y'know, I had no expectations for
this movie. Most superhero movies
have sucked. I mean, the first two
            (MORE)

9.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS (cont'd)
Spider Man movies were good, the
first two X-men movies were good,
Blade II was good, Batman Begins
was awesome but that's really
about it. And then there's the
fact that it's based on an obscure
superhero. Who the hell has ever
heard of Iron Man?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Adrian is dressed in nerdy clothes, standing behind a wall.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (NERDY VOICE)
I've heard of Iron Brother.
                                                            
 
EXT. IRON BROTHER - BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
A big man in a cheap robot costume is standing outside a
tall building, looking at a much smaller man.
                                                            
                       IRON BROTHER
David, it took me the last few
days to realize that just because
I'm a machine doesn't mean I'm not
also a man.
                                                            
                       DAVID
And you also made me realize that
just because I'm a man doesn't
mean I haven't been a machine to
my family.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian can't believe that guy saw the movie.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
What kind've movies do you watch?
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa laughs out loud at that line. This gets her hooked
and she decides to watch further.
                                                            
 

10.

INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
So Tony, whose like this superhero
version of Scrooge McDuck mixed
with a superhero version of Hugh
Hefner, is selling these weapons
only to almost be blown up by a
bomb.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Stock footage of a bomb going off.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Adrian sitting at his desk.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Michael Bay must've directed that
scene.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa laughs at this.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
So Tony goes back to America and
announces that he's no longer
gonna build weapons for the
military. But his partner, The
Dude, says---.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa waits, wondering where this joke is going to go.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian is standing behind a wall, dressed like The Dude from
The Big Lebowski.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (THE DUDE
       IMPRESSION)
The Dude does not abide.
                                                            
 

11.

INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa laughs out loud at this, like a hyena.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
And then Iron Man and The Dude
fight.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Adrian is playing with action figures of Iron Man and The
Dude.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
They make action figures of The
Dude?
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
And then, in the end credits, Nick
Fury shows up and asks Tony Stark
to be a part of The Avengers. Yes!
They are going to make a
motherfucking Avengers movie!
Finally! And they better not screw
it up. Now, Hulk. Hulk? Your last
movie sucked and you were directed
by Ang Lee. He's great. He made
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,
and Brokeback Mountain and even he
couldn't make a good superhero
movie. If he couldn't do it, it
seemed like all hope was lost and
most other superhero movies showed
that. But Hulk? Hulk-y Hulk?
Please prove us wrong and show us
that superhero movies are here to
stay. I'm Adrian Morris and this
is What I Just Saw.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa smiles at the video, happy that it helped her get her
mind off the uncertainties lying ahead in her future.
                                                            
 

12.

INT. ELECTRIC VILLAGE - NIGHT
                                                            
JIMMIE WILLIAMS, an abrasive employee at Electronic Village,
is in the toy aisle, on his phone, while his co-worker,
SANJAY, is standing on a ladder, putting toys away. Jimmie
is looking up Adrian's videos. He scrolls by videos for
Adrian's other show, ADRIAN'S ADVICE CORNER, where the
thumnbail is him standing behind a counter looking smug.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
There still isn't a new episode of
Adrian's Advice Corner?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Adrian told me he's gonna start
working on one next week, after he
finishes his review of Bangkok
Dangerous and a new episode of
Cartoon Therapist.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
That's fine I guess. Though,
speaking of Cartoon Therapist, how
about you put me on that show?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
That wouldn't work, it's about a
guy whose a therapist for cartoon
characters.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
I know, just have it be the other
way around and make it a human who
was traumatized by cartoon
characters. For example, I used to
think the lady from Pee-Wee's Big
Adventure and The Devil's Rejects
was hot. Then I found out she was
the voice of Tommy Pickles. Real
boner killer there.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Yeah no.
                                                            
ELEANOR, the manager of the store, walks in from across the
aisle and sees Jimmie on the phone. She gets really annoyed
by it.
                                                            
                       ELEANOR
Hey Jimmie, get off the phone!
                                                            
Jimmie grumbles.
                                                            

13.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yes Eleanor.
                                                            
Jimmie puts his phone away. Eleanor sighs, annoyed, and
leaves.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
God Eleanor's a bitch!
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Well, she's not exactly
wrong...you could be doing some
actual work. Like handing me the
Dora the Explorer dolls we're
supposed to be putting on the
shelf.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Well I am working. By watching
Adrian's videos, I'm thinking
about my business.
                                                            
Sanjay stops and looks at him, confused as to what he's
talking about.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
What?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Think about it dude. In the last
few years, the internet has become
huge. Leave Britney Alone,
Dramatic Chipmunk, Chocolate Rain,
Charlie Bit My Finger, Charlie The
Unicorn---all these videos have
made complete nobodies famous
overnight. You don't need to work
your way up anymore to make money.
And Adrian is a perfect example of
that. Just look at the views on
his videos.
                                                            
Jimmie takes out his cell phone and clicks one of Adrian's
What I Just Saw videos. Sanjay gets off the ladder and looks
at it. He sees that the video has 300,000 views.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Yeah, that's impressive and all
but he's still working as both a
graphic designer and a janitor so
what's your point?
                                                            

14.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
He shouldn't have to. And we
shouldn't have to work these dead
end jobs. We should create an
internet only channel focused
around his series, What I Just
Saw, his skits, and skits we make
as well. He has enough fans that
I'm pretty sure it would be a
success.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I dunno, sounds risky.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yeah, ya have to take risks, my
friend. Plus, you know Adrian, so
you can introduce him to me and we
can get our business off the
ground.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
How about this? See if you can get
an investor for this channel. If
you can, I'm in.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
You're on.
                                                            
They shake on it.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Jimmie is sitting in his room, looking up HOW TO DO A PITCH
EMAIL on his laptop.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S COMPUTER - NIGHT
                                                            
On Jimmie's computer, he writes DEAR MORGAN INVESTMENTS---.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
On Jimmie's computer, he is writing another pitch email. It
says DEAR BRANDON AND SONS, I WOULD LIKE TO PITCH A
REVOLUTIONARY NEW NETWORK TO YOU.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            

15.

On Jimmie's computer, he is writing yet another pitch email.
This one says DEAR VIDONLIC INDUSTRIES, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO INVEST IN A NETWORK THAT MELDS TV AND THE INTERNET?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Jimmie is continuously writing on his laptop. He then stops,
smirks, and hits send.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S CAR - MORNING
                                                            
Jimmie is driving his car when suddenly he hears a message
coming from his phone. He pulls over and checks his phone to
see he has an email from LENLO CORP asking to meet with him.
He smiles, happy to see that someone answered.
                                                            
 
INT. INVESTOR MEETING - DAY
                                                            
MARGE LENLO, an investor, is sitting at a desk, waiting for
Jimmie to come in. Jimmie walks in carrying a napsack that
has a laptop in it.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
Hi, are you Jimmie?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yes I am. Nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
You too.
                                                            
Jimmie takes a seat and puts the napsack down on the table.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
So tell me a bit about your
business.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Back in the day, people had to
work their way up to be big. John
Wayne? Started off as an extra.
But not anymore. Now any schmuck
can get famous. Kim Kardashian?
She was rich but no one knew who
she was until she had her own sex
tape. But it's not just rich
people. There's a fat guy who only
became famous because he taped
himself dancing to the Numa Numa
            (MORE)

16.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (cont'd)
song.
                                                            
He takes out a cell phone.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
This has over a million views.
                                                            
He plays a video called RACCOONS AND FENNEC FOXES IN HATS.
                                                            
 
INT. RACCOONS AND FENNEC FOXES IN HATS - DAY
                                                            
A Raccoon and a Fennec Fox are sitting on a chair.
                                                            
                       PET OWNER (V.O.)
This is a raccoon and a fennec
fox.
                                                            
Suddenly the Raccoon and the Fennec Fox are in Napoleon
Bonaparte-esque general hats.
                                                            
                       PET OWNER (V.O.)
This is a raccoon and a fennec fox
in an old military hat.
                                                            
Then they are wearing the same hat The Cat in the Hat wears.
                                                            
                       PET OWNER (V.O.)
This is a Raccoon and a Fennec Fox
in the hat.
                                                            
 
INT. INVESTOR MEETING - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
Cute.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Profitable too. The makers of that
video are making a living not only
on ad revenue they get for that
video but also on merchandise,
interview deals, you name it.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
What does this have to do with
your business?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
There's a guy I know named Adrian
Morris. He is really famous
online. He has this series called
What I Just Saw, where he reviews
            (MORE)

17.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (cont'd)
movies he just saw in theaters. He
also has a lot of skits, including
two called Adrian's Advice Corner,
where he answers questions his
viewers send him. What I Just Saw
and all his skits make more than a
million views combined and he
has---.
                                                            
Jimmie goes to Adrian's youtube page and shows Marge the
amount of subscribers Adrian has, which is currenly 60,000.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
60,000 subscribers. I want to
build his brand by creating an
internet-only channel based around
his projects. I believe his fans
would eat it up and you'd get any
money you invest in the project
back in no time.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
This sounds promising and all but
can I see one of his videos so I'd
know what I'd be investing in?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Definitely.
                                                            
He turns his cell phone towards her and plays a video called
THE BAZ LUHRMANN SHOW.
                                                            
 
INT. THE BAZ LUHRMANN SHOW - DAY
                                                            
The show begins with a red curtain while the Can Can plays
in the background.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
'Ello. Velcome to...
                                                            
The title THE BAZ LUHRMANN SHOW pops up.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
The Baz Luhrmann Show.
                                                            

18.

The title fades away. Adrian, dressed in a stereotypical
ringmaster outfit ala Jim Broadbent in Moulin Rouge, jumps
in and starts dancing.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Oh, velcome to the show! Show!
                                                            
Sanjay is shirtless, in a pair of overalls, dancing to the
song while RONALD, his brother, dances next to him, wearing
a dinosaur head.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Time to go to the show! Show!
                                                            
 
INT. INVESTOR MEETING - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Marge is confused, not sure what she's watching.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (SINGING)
       (RIDICULOUS
       GERMAN ACCENT)
We love the show! Show!
                                                            
 
INT. THE BAZ LURHMANN SHOW - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Baz is sitting at his desk, talking to an actress playing
SARAH JESSICA PARKER, whose sitting on a couch.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
So Sarah, is it true you're a
horse?
                                                            
                       ACTRESS PLAYING SJP
I'm sorry...what?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Turtle.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
A stock picture of a turtle.
                                                            

19.

                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Suddenly Adrian, as Baz, gets into SJP's face again.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Seriously, though, is it true that
you're a horse?
                                                            
                       ACTRESS PLAYING SJP
No, I'm not a horse.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Liar!
                                                            
Suddenly Ronald and Sanjay are on the couch, dressed in
weird outfits, shouting "Burn the---".
                                                            
 
INT. INVESTOR MEETING - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Ronald and Sanjay shout "liar" off-screen as Marge looks at
the video, weirded out. Marge, still unsure quite what to
make of what she's watching, looks at Jimmie, CONFUSED.
Jimmie looks back at her and smiles, hoping she likes it.
                                                            
 
INT. THE BAZ LUHRMANN SHOW - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian is standing at the same place he was standing at in
the beginning of the skit.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Oh well, that's all the time we
have today!
                                                            
The Can Can starts up again.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Join me next time when we
interview Bart Gialatti. Until
then, remember, the only thing
that matters is to love and be
loved in return. Bye now!
                                                            
Sanjay and Ronald come out, both dressed as clowns, and
dance around Adrian. The video pauses.
                                                            
 

20.

INT. INVESTOR MEETING - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
So, what do you think?
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
That was...interesting.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Are you interested in investing?
If so, I want you to invest about
$50,000 on this.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
Yeah, let me talk about it with
other people in the company and
we'll get back to you.
                                                            
She gets up and starts leaving. Jimmie can't believe what
he's hearing and walks up to her.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Apparently you've never seen a
movie. In movies, when people find
out someone is talented, they
automatically become successful
and are given everything they need
to become rich and famous.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
This is not a movie, Mr. Williams.
                                                            
Jimmie starts getting nervous and desperate. He gets
desperately close to her and strokes his finger down her
body.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Y'know, I do prefer older women.
                                                            
Marge has had enough and gets pissed at this.
                                                            
 
EXT. INVESTOR MEETING - DAY
                                                            
Jimmie is being escorted outside of the building by a
security guard.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
This is what I get for calling you
old?! Don't you think you're
overreacting?!
                                                            
The Security Guard stops.
                                                            

21.

                       SECURITY GUARD
That's not what this is about and
you know it! Don't ever come here
again!
                                                            
The Security Guard walks away.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Dick.
                                                            
Jimmie leaves.
                                                            
 
INT. ELECTRIC VILLAGE - LOCKER ROOM - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Sanjay is putting his work clothes on. Jimmie walks in,
pissed, and starts getting out of his regular clothes and
putting on his work clothes.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
So how did the meeting go?
                                                            
Jimmie thinks about it then smiles.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Y'know, I was thinking, we don't
need investors. We should start
our own website, we could figure
out how to make money from it.
                                                            
Sanjay can tell that the meeting didn't go well but Jimmie
doesn't want to talk about it. He thinks about it for a
second. He then looks at Jimmie and gives him a smug smile.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I'll think about it.
                                                            
Jimmie grunts, eyeing at him, annoyed.
                                                            
 
EXT. WELLGANS PHARMACY - DAY
                                                            
Wellgans now has some halloween decorations on the windows,
including skeletons, pumpkins, and other Halloween
paraphernilia. The two stores next to Wellgans have
Halloween decorations on the windows as well. There is a
trash can that has been knocked over outside of Wellgans.
There is trash all over the place.

SUPER: A Month Later.

Alyssa walks in and sees the trash. She sighs and walks in.

22.

Then she walks back out with a broom and dustpan. She starts
cleaning the mess.
                                                            
 
INT. WELLGANS PHARMACY - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is tired, having just cleaned up all the trash. She
smells something and looks down to see there is puke all
over the floor. She looks at Margaret.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
I hate to ask but can you clean
that up?
                                                            
Alyssa gives her a look of disgust.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa walks into the room and goes to her VHS and DVD
collection of B-movies.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Alright, B-Movies or What I Just
Saw? B-Movies or What I Just Saw?
Well, I am curious about what he
has to say about Eagle Eye so What
I Just Saw it is.
                                                            
She gets on her laptop and searches WHAT I JUST SAW. She
sees there is a video for WHAT I JUST SAW - EAGLE EYE and
clicks on it.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - EAGLE EYE - DAY
                                                            
Adrian is sitting behind his desk, looking pissed.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Shia, we need to talk. I kinda
liked A Guide To Recognizing Your
Saints and Disturbia. But then you
made Transformers. And Crystal
Skull. Now this!
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa laughs. She hears a knock on the door and pauses the
video.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Come in.
                                                            

23.

John walks into the room.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Hey Alyssa, you need to see this.
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAEL'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
John and Alyssa are sitting on the couch, watching TV,
looking horrified.
                                                            
 
INT. CHANNEL 12 NEWS - NIGHT
                                                            
A newscaster is sitting behind a table, talking about what
is going on in the world. He is clearly unhappy about the
economy.
                                                            
                       CHANNEL 12 NEWSCASTER
Today, the Dow Jones Industrial
has had its lowest drop in
history, falling 777.68 points in
intra-day trading.
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAEL'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
John sighs, putting his head in his hands. Alyssa, horrified
too, puts her hand on his shoulder and comforts him.
                                                            
 
INT. ABC 7 NEWS - EVENING
                                                            
Another newscaster for ABC 7 is also sitting behind her
desk, looking worried.

SUPER: 2 Months Later.
                                                            
                       ABC 7 NEWSCASTER
Statistics have shown that the
unemployment rate has reached its
highest level in over 14 years.
There have been a total of---.
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAEL'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING
                                                            
Alyssa and John are watching the TV, looking horrified.
                                                            
                       ABC 7 NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
650,000 jobs losses in the last 3
months.
                                                            
 

24.

INT. WELLGAN'S PHARMACY - BREAK ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa and the other employees are circling around Margaret
in the break room, as she is telling them some important
news.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Unfortunately we've lost a lot of
money recently---.
                                                            
 
INT. ELECTRIC VILLAGE - BREAK ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Sanjay, Jimmie, and the other employees are circling around
Eleanor in the break room, who is also telling them some
important news.
                                                            
                       ELEANOR
Which means that we are going to
have to make some cutbacks,---.
                                                            
 
INT. WELLGAN'S PHARMACY - BREAK ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Unfortunately, we have just been
informed that this location is
going to be shut down and we'll
have to let everyone go.
                                                            
The other employees can't believe what their hearing. Alyssa
is really sad and she can't believe she's out of a job.
                                                            
 
INT. ELECTRIC VILLAGE - BREAK ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ELEANOR
Therefore we're going to be
letting people go.
                                                            
Most of the employees can't believe what their hearing but
Jimmie is ecstatic about this.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yes! Ooh! Ooh! Can I get fired?!
Can I?!
                                                            
Eleanor gets really annoyed at this.
                                                            
                       ELEANOR
Fine, Jimmie, you're fired.
                                                            

25.

                       SANJAY ACHARYA
What are you doing?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Sanjaya, buddy, this is our chance
to start Adrian's website.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Okay, first of all, my name is
Sanjay not Sanjaya, that's the
crappy American Idol contestant.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Who cares, Apu?
                                                            
Sanjay groans.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Second of all, you gave up after
talking to one investor.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
We don't need investors, we can
start our own website. Adrian's
videos are viewed by 350,000
people a week, I'm sure he'd have
enough of a fanbase to make the
website successful. All I need you
to do is introduce him to me and
we're good to go.
                                                            
Sanjay thinks about it then sighs.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Listen, I'll introduce you to him
and you can tell him your idea.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Thank you, buddy! You won't regret
it!
                                                            
Sanjay looks at Jimmie uncomfortably.
                                                            
 
INT. MELVIEWS ILLUSTRATION - MR. MONKUT'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
MR. MONKUT, the middle-aged boss of MELVIEWS ILLUSTRATION, a
company that creates designs for different businesses, is
sitting in his office. There's a photo of his family on his
desk and a few pictures behind him. Adrian walks in and sits
down on the seat facing his desk.
                                                            

26.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Hey sir, you wanted to see me?
                                                            
                       MR. MONKUT
Yes, I wanted to talk to you about
the design you sent to me, the one
for the claw machine in the
Denny's in Queens.
                                                            
Mr. Monkut takes out a poster with chickens wearing
sombrero's.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Don't you love it? The chickens
have sombrero's! Isn't that
hilarious?
                                                            
                       MR. MONKUT
It's cute but, I'm sorry, it's not
what the client wanted. They just
wanted chickens.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
But that doesn't make sense? Why
would you put chickens on a claw
machine?
                                                            
                       MR. MONKUT
There supposed to be toy chickens,
they'll have a little tag on them.
I'll need you to re-do it.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (DISAPPOINTED)
Oh. Okay.
                                                            
 
INT. MCFINNIGANS BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Sanjay is playing darts in a bar called McFinnigans with
Adrian and Ronald.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Hey Sanjay, can you do an
impression of The Pillsbury Dough
Boy for the next episode of
Cartoon Therapist?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
      (PILLSBURY
       DOUGHBOY
       IMPRESSION)
Can I?
                                                            

27.

                       RONALD MORRIS
God that's creepy.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Can I ask a favor from you?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Sure buddy.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Can you meet with Jimmie tomorrow?
He's got an idea for a website and
wants you guys to get involved.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Jimmie? That asshole from your job
you're always complaining about?
Why would you want to help him?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
As much as I hate him, I can't
help but admire his ambition. Plus
he just got fired thanks to the
market crashing and even I'd
rather not see him out on the
street.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Sure, we'll meet with him.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Really?
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Really?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Yeah, I'll just hear what he has
to say and think about it.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Great. Thanks Adrian.
                                                            
 
EXT. RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Sanjay and Jimmie are sitting outside of a restaurant,
waiting for Adrian. Adrian walks in with his brother,
Ronald, and Sanjay and Jimmie stand up.
                                                            

28.

                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Hey Adrian. Hey Ronald. This is
my, umm, friend Jimmie. Jimmie,
this is Adrian and Ronald.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
You too.
                                                            
They all take a seat.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
So Sanjay says you have a business
proposition for us.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Yes, I do---.
                                                            
A Waiter comes to their table.
                                                            
                       WAITER
Hello, can I take your---Adrian
Morris?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
In the flesh.
                                                            
                       WAITER
Oh my god, I can't believe I'm
meeting Adrian Morris! I love What
I Just Saw!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Thank you.
                                                            
                       WAITER
Can I get a picture of you?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Hey waiter, we're in an important
meeting right now. Just give us
our menus and give all of us
waters, okay, and we can talk
about the food in a little bit.
                                                            
                       WAITER
Umm...okay.
                                                            
The Waiter gives them all menus and then leaves.
                                                            

29.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
So your show is very popular and
you do have a lot of fans so I
think you should start your own
business. Get your own website,
y'know, we can make a lot of
clicks on the amount of people
visiting the website as well as ad
revenue. Plus let's not forget
merchandising.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Umm...you do know we're probably
going to enter a recession, right?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Recession schmesession, people are
going to come. Besides maybe
merchandise, it's not like their
paying for ad revenue or views.
So, Adrian, what do you think? If
you come with me, you won't have
to work as a janitor anymore. You
can make your entire living off of
your videos.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Well, this does sound tempting but
I'm going to have to think about
it.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
      (ANNOYED)
Take all the time you want.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa walks into her room.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Adrian walks into a room with his computer, which is an old
windows computer.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa sits down at her computer.
                                                            
 

30.

INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian signs onto his Youtube account.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa searches WHAT I JUST SAW on Youtube.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian sees that there is a huge warning him that all of his
videos have been taken down and his channel has been
deactivated for infringing copyright.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa sees that there are no WHAT I JUST SAW videos on
Youtube anymore and she can't believe it.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian can't believe what he's seeing. He logs out and sees
a list of VLOGs of people complaining about Adrian's video
being taken down.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
What...why are they taking down my
videos?
                                                            
He thinks about it.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - FANTASTIC FOUR: ROTSS - DAY
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
And Galactus turns out to be a big
cloud. Y'know, this is starting to
look good by comparison.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. FANTASTIC FOUR TV SHOW - STREET - DAY
                                                            
Four actors dressed like the Fantastic Four are on a fake
looking street that's obviously a soundstage. They also are
dressed in cheap costumes, ESPECIALLY The Thing. The show is
modeled on the 1970s superhero shows like THE AMAZING

31.

SPIDER-MAN and THE INCREDIBLE HULK. They are facing a guy
dressed as The Mole Man. He runs away.
                                                            
                       ACTOR PLAYING MR. FANTASTIC
      (WOODEN)
Stop! He's getting away!
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian thinks about it a little more.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - BEOWULF - DAY
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Zemeckis, why are your animated
movies so ugly? First Polar
Express now Beowulf. Remember
Roger Rabbit? Remember how good
this looked?
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Okay, maybe I've used a lot of
footage from different movies and
TV shows but they shouldn't take
my videos down for it!
                                                            
He thinks about it then calls Sanjay on his cell phone.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Hey Sanjay? Tell your friend he
has a deal.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING
                                                            
Jimmie, Sanjay, Adrian, and Ronald are sitting at a table in
Jimmie's apartment. Behind them, Jimmie's apartment is a
mess, with things everywhere being disorganized and all over
the place.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Thank you for coming.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
You're welcome.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Before we begin...
                                                            

32.

Jimmie takes out a contract and hands it to Adrian.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
I want you to sign this contract.
                                                            
Adrian reads the contract. It says JIMMIE WILLIAMS OWNS THE
IP OF WHAT I JUST SAW AND IS A MAJORITY STAKEHOLDER IN THE
COMPANY. Adrian is suspicious about this and looks at
Ronald.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (WHISPERING)
Hey Ronnie, look at this: the
contract basically says that
Jimmie is going to own the
character. I'm not sure I want to
work with a company like that...
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
      (WHISPERING)
Adrian, what do we know about
running a business?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (WHISPERING)
That's true.
                                                            
They re-join Jimmie and Sanjay.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Alright, I'll sign it. Can I have
a pen?
                                                            
Jimmie gives him a pen. Then Adrian signs it.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Great! Now that you've signed it,
let's get this party started.
First of all, you gotta do
something big, something that'll
get your audience invested.
                                                            
Adrian smirks.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I know what to do.
                                                            
 
EXT. SUBURB - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is walking around a suburb, talking to her friend,
Daniel, on the phone.
                                                            

33.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey Daniel, do you know of any law
firms looking for an assistant or
some other type of employee? You
don't? Well, could you ask?
Thanks.
                                                            
 
INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is talking to a fast food worker, whose standing
behind a counter.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Excuse me, can you give me an
application?
                                                            
                       FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE
Sorry, we're not hiring right now
but you can get an application if
you want. We may need someone
later on.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
      (DISAPPOINTED)
Oh. Okay.
                                                            
 
INT. VIDEO STORE - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is standing in the Drama aisle of a video store,
talking to an employee whose putting videos away.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Can I get an application?
                                                            
The video store employee points to a sign on a window that
says CLOSING SOON. Alyssa gets even more disappointed.
                                                            
 
INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is at a grocery store, talking to an employee
scanning items at their counter.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hi, you wouldn't happen to be
looking for employees, would you?
Thanksgiving is around the corner
as is Christmas. There's probably
gonna be a lot of shoppers, even
with the recession on the horizon.
                                                            

34.

                       GROCERY STORE EMPLOYEE
Yeah, I'll give you an application
and, if were interested, we'll get
back to you.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Okay, thanks.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa's room is filled with a a couple applications lying
on the floor. Currently she's filling one out. She goes on
the computer and goes onto Youtube. She sees a video called
I QUIT from Adrian Morris on Youtube. She gets curious about
it and clicks it.
                                                            
 
INT. I QUIT - REDVIEWS ILLUSTRATION - DAY
                                                            
Adrian is in a break room, holding a boom box. He looks at a
camera his brother Ronald is holding. He smirks and goes to
a table in the break room. He holds up the boom box and
presses play. This gets the attention of the other employees
in there, who all look at him. A song modeled after IN YOUR
EYES by Peter Gabriel comes on.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (SINGING)
I can't stand this job anymore
It's disgusting
Makes me wanna puke
So I quit
I got another job
I quit
Sayonara Bob
I quit
I couldn't stand working here
anymore
I quit
                                                            
Suddenly security comes to chase Adrian out. He then runs
for his life and looks at the camera as he continues to be
chased by the guards.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Do you miss What I Just Saw? Don't
worry, WhatIJustSaw.com is
launching January 20th and will
include all your favorite episodes
plus Adrian's Advice Corner,
Cartoon Therapist, and all your
favorite skits. So don't forget,
January 20th will be the launch
            (MORE)

35.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS (cont'd)
date for WhatIJustSaw.Com.
                                                            
He runs past the camera followed by the security guards. One
of the security guards walks right up to the camera.
                                                            
                       REDVIEWS SECURITY GUARD
Turn that camera off. Now!
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The video further depresses Alyssa.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Well, I'm glad What I Just Saw
will be back. I also wish I was
able to do something like that...
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' DINING ROOM - EVENING
                                                            
Alyssa, John, and John's family are having Thanksgiving
Dinner together.
                                                            
                       AUNT JANICE
So Alyssa, how've you been doing
lately?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
      (SARCASTICALLY)
Between having a dead end job I
hated, getting fired from that
job, and not finding any work,
just...great.
                                                            
John looks at her, sympathetically.
                                                            
 
EXT. PORT WASHINGTON SUBURB - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is shoveling snow on a neighbor's sidewalk.

SUPER: 2 Months Later.

She finishes shoveling and breathes heavily, tired from
shoveling all that snow.
                                                            
 

36.

INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa walks into her room and sits down on her bed. She
looks into her wallet and sees the money she's made from
shoveling.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Well that's the most money I've
made in a while...
                                                            
She goes on her computer and checks her email to see if she
got any job interviews. She gets disappointed when she sees
there aren't any. She goes on Youtube and sees a video in
her recommendations called WE WANT YOU FOR WHAT I JUST SAW.
She gets curious and clicks on it.
                                                            
 
INT. WE WANT YOU FOR WHAT I JUST SAW VIDEO - DAY
                                                            
Adrian is sitting in the same desk he uses for his WHAT I
JUST SAW videos.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Hello I'm Adrian Morris and---.
                                                            
Suddenly a stuffed bear pops up.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Why hello Mr. Bear!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
      (HIGH PITCHED
       VOICE)
Hey Mr. Morris, did the copyright
douchebags at Youtube put your
channel back up yet?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I'm afraid not.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
      (HIGH PITCHED
       VOICE)
But...but your videos are
protected under fair use.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I know but don't worry Mr. Bear!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
      (HIGH PITCHED
       VOICE)
Don't worry?! Why not?!
                                                            

37.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Because, Mr. Bear, all my videos
are on Blip. Plus I've got
exciting news!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
      (HIGH PITCHED
       VOICE)
What is it?!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I've launched my own website,
WWW.WhatIJustSaw.com. Just type in
that URL and you'll see all my
videos including every episode of
What I Just Saw, Adrian's Advice
Corner, and Cartoon Therapist, and
all of my sketches.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
      (HIGH PITCHED
       VOICE)
Hooray, now I won't have to commit
suicide!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I don't know if that's adorable or
creepy.
                                                            
Adrian looks away from "Mr. Bear" and looks at the camera.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
But would you love to be a part of
my website? Well, you're in luck
because we're adding new content
creators to WhatIJustSaw.Com! Just
email your show to
JimmieWilliam23@WhatIJustSaw.Com
by January 30th and you may become
one of the very first contributors
on this lovely site.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
      (HIGH PITCHED
       VOICE)
Even me?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Even you, Mr. Bear. Just email
your video by January 30th and the
best content creators---.
                                                            
 

38.

INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa thinks about joining the site as a last ditch effort
to make some money.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (O.S.)
Will become a contributor on our
website.
                                                            
Alyssa looks at her collection of VHS's and DVD's. She gets
up, walks to her movie collection, and looks at all the
cheesy movies she has in the collection. She thinks about it
for a second and takes out the DVD for MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT
starring MARISA VAIDA, a B-Movie Actress. She stares it and
looks at her computer, wondering if she could start a review
series on B-Movies.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa is watching the movie on the TV in her room, looking
at it intently.
                                                            
 
INT. MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
MARISA VAIDA is standing next to a middle aged man and
looking at a young kid named DAVID in a house.
                                                            
                       DAVID'S FATHER
Molly, this is my son, David.
David, this is Molly.
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
I didn't. Know. You had a. Son. I
shall compute that.
                                                            
                       DAVID'S FATHER
Oh you're so hilarious, Molly!
                                                            
                       DAVID
Are you sure she's joking?
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa writes down some material for her show on a notepad.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa is on the computer, writing down material for the
review. She stops for a second and thinks about what she's
going to say next. Then she starts writing again.
                                                            

39.

                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa has her camera set up to face her chair. She presses
record on the camera. She sits down and sighs. Suddenly she
gets a lot more cheery and confident.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hello I'm Alyssa Michaels and
welcome to This Exists?! Yes, yes
it does.
                                                            
She takes out the VHS for MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
And I wanna talk about my favorite
actress, Marisa Vaida.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa is on her computer. She finishes editing the video
and then exports it. After it exports, she uploads it onto
Blip. After that, she copies and pastes the link to her
video, THIS EXISTS?! MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT and goes onto her
email. She types in Jimmie's email address and puts the
video in the email. She then sends it and sighs.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING
                                                            
Adrian, Ronald, and Sanjay are sitting at Jimmie's table,
waiting for him. Jimmie comes in and opens the laptop on his
table.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Guess how much money the site
made?
                                                            
He looks up the site's analytics and it shows that it made
$100,000 on ad revenue and views, which surprises everyone.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Seriously?!
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Told ya it would work. Are you
ever gonna doubt me again?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I wouldn't say that but this is
awesome.
                                                            

40.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Also, don't worry, guys, your cuts
have been deposited in your bank
accounts. Let's go watch the
submissions!
                                                            
 
INT. THE PORN REVIEWER - THE ADDAMS ORGY - DAY
                                                            
BEN DERELICT, an internet reviewer with dwarfism, is sitting
on a couch in his Hugh Hefner getup, looking at the camera
seductively.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Hello, I'm the Porn Reviewer
and---.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Why does that midget have such a
deep voice? It's like watching
Plankton from Spongebob review
porn.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA (V.O.)
A.)Little People and B.)Shut Up.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
I may have a lot of kinks but
incest isn't one of them. But
apparently The Addams Family are
into incest.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Ben's friends, JEFF, MOLLY, DEREK, LISA, and GEORGE are
dressed as GOMEZ, MORTICIA, UNCLE FESTER, WEDNESDAY, and
PUGSLEY. They are also standing behind a wall.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Are you really surprised? We're
into a lot of weird shit.
                                                            
                       MOLLY
That's kind of our MO.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys all laugh but Jimmie, whose on his phone. He gets
surprised at something on his phone. Then he looks at
everyone.
                                                            

41.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Guys, we have to put him on, he
has 10,000 subscribers.
                                                            
 
INT. GAMING FAILS - 1941 THE VIDEO GAME - DAY
                                                            
PATRICK CHASE, a rather neurotic guy, is sitting on the
couch in his house, reviewing the video game version of
1941.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Y'know, Steven Spielberg has made
tons of great movies: Jaws, Close
Encounters, Indiana Jones, E.T.,
the list goes on. He also made
1941 and that sucked! But if you
think the movie is bad, the video
game is even worse! I mean,---!
                                                            
 
INT. GAMING FAILS - VIDEO GAME BATTLE FIELD - DAY
                                                            
An 8-bit military plane in 1941 The Video Game is
continually shooting at an 8-bit military tank on the
ground.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE (V.O.)
It's an entire game made up of a
plane shooting one tank. That
makes the movie look exciting by
comparison!
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
All the guys laugh.
                                                            
 
INT. MELISSA EXAMINES CARTOONS - SCARLET LETTER - DAY
                                                            
Melissa is sitting behind her drawings, reviewing a cartoon
version of THE SCARLET LETTER.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
They've made cartoons out of the
strangest things: Rubix Cube, A
spin-off of Happy Days in space,
Laverne & Shirley in the Army,
and...a Scarlet Letter cartoon?
For kids? Do I even need to
explain what's wrong with that?
                                                            

42.

The video pauses.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Let me guess, you don't want her
for some petty reason?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Nah, she's in.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
But we've barely begun watching
her video.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yeah but she's cute so I'll take
her.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Yeah, no, let's watch it to see if
she's any good.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Yeah I'd rather watch to.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Me too.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Fine but, come on, very few women
are that creative, she's probably
going to suck as a reviewer.
There's a reason there's so few
funny women but, alright, if you
wanna actually watch her review,
go ahead.
                                                            
He presses play.
                                                            
 
INT. MELISSA EXAMINES CARTOONS - 19TH CENTURY TOWN - AFTERNOON
                                                            
In The Scarlet Letter cartoon, two medieval looking crooks
are running out of a bank when suddenly the letter A runs in
like a boomerang and hits them in the eyes, causing them to
drop the bags. Then the A boomerangs back to THE SCARLET
LETTER, a girl with an A on her uniform. She catches the A.
                                                            
                       SINGING VOICE
      (SINGING)
The Scarlet Letter!
                                                            
 

43.

INT. MELISSA EXAMINES CARTOONS - SCARLET LETTER- DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Melissa stares in disbelief as to what she's watching.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
They turned The Scarlet Letter
into a superhero?
                                                            
She takes out a picture of Demi Moore.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Demi, I didn't like your version
much but now that I know just how
bad it could get, I---I wanna
apologize for anything bad I said
about it.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys all laugh but Jimmie is unimpressed.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Meh.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
C'mon, Jimmie, that was pretty
funny.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Whatever, we can add her to make
our website less of a sausage
fest, I don't really give a shit.
                                                            
 
INT. HORRORHOUND REVIEWS - CORNFIELD - NIGHT
                                                            
A killer in a mask stabs someone running away from them. The
person doesn't bleed at all. Then they start bleeding
everywhere, which causes them to scream.
                                                            
 
INT. HORRORHOUND REVIEWS - DAY
                                                            
Thomas Carver is sitting on a chair in his bedroom, looking
bored by the movie.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Wow, I haven't seen such great
directing since Bela Lugosi
strangled himself with octopus
legs.
                                                            
 

44.

INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys all laugh.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS?! MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is sitting in a chair, talking directly towards the
camera.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hello, I'm Alyssa Michaels and
welcome to This Exists?! Yes, yes
it does!
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Okay she's way hotter than the
other girl, I, uhh, don't think I
need to make a decision.
                                                            
Jimmie is about to press pause when Sanjay grabs his hand
and looks at him.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Don't you dare.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
What are you going to do?
                                                            
Sanjay looks at Adrian and Ronald.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Hey, who wants to vote on whether
or not we watch this video?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Okay. Okay. We can watch the dumb
video.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS?! - BOXING RING - DAY
                                                            
MARISA VAIDA, a twentysomething boxer/actress, is fighting
another woman in a boxing ring.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Marisa Vaida started off as a
world famous boxer---.
                                                            
 

45.

INT. THIS EXISTS?! - HIDDEN LEGENDS POSTER - DAY
                                                            
Marisa Vaida is in a Ninja Outfit, standing behind a red
background, looking out valiantly while the words HIDDEN
LEGENDS are underneath her.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
And then started her movie career
off with the Hidden Legends
movies---.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS?! MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - DAY
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
And became one of the greatest
B-Movie actresses of all time! No
matter what movie she's in, it'll
be gloriously bad! Of course with
movies like Hidden Legends, her
movies were usually bad action
movies but with My Stepmom's A
Robot, she proved that she can
make awful comedies too. Why?
Let's look at My Stepmom's A
Robot.
                                                            
 
INT. MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
We see Marisa dressed like a stereotypical 50's housewife,
about to cook breakfast for a man sitting down at a table.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
So we begin with Marisa being a
seemingly happy housewife when
suddenly...
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
Honey, how would you like. Your.
Eggs?
                                                            
                       HUSBAND
Scrambled please.
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
I shall compute scrambled eggs.
                                                            
 

46.

INT. THIS EXISTS? -MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT -EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
So basically this man created a
robot that would be the perfect
wife. Score one for feminism!
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys, except for Jimmie, chuckle.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Great, she's a Feminazi.
                                                            
 
INT. MY STEP MOM'S A ROBOT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
David and his friend are talking to Marisa, still playing
the robot. The friend looks bored.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Hey Molly, can Joey stay over?
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
I shall put it in my system that
Joey will stay over tonight and
prepare a bed for him.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
I love how the friend's like,
"Whatever, I guess that's how
people talk".
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys chuckle a bit more but Jimmie remains unimpressed.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? -MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Oh but don't worry, we've got more
to go. You wanna see how the movie
ends? Like this.
                                                            
 
INT. MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Marisa is cooking food in the kitchen. She's looking at
David and her father.
                                                            

47.

                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
Shall I make pancakes. For.
Everyone?
                                                            
                       DAVID
Pancakes sound delicious!
                                                            
Marisa smells something.
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
Uh oh. Smells like. Someone needs
an. Oil change.
                                                            
Suddenly there is a baby in a high chair.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? -MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT -EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Your eyes are not deceiving you,
the movie literally just implied
Molly and Dan had sex and somehow,
SOMEHOW, had a
half-human/half-baby robot
together. This is too amazing that
I---I'm not even gonna question
it. And honestly, that's all I
want in my Marisa Vaida movies:
action, comedy, bad acting, and
scripts that make less sense than
people letting Uwe Boll adapt
their video games into movies. So
what the hell are you doing? It
exists and you should go watch it.
                                                            
The screen pauses.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys all laugh but Jimmie is just bored.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I say we bring her in.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Ehh, video was just okay but I
agree. She's hot and almost
everyone else has been white as
fuck so it'll make us look good to
have a girl who looks to be black
or muslim or whatever in there so,
            (MORE)

48.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (cont'd)
yeah, let's include her. And I
think were done here so let's let
everyone know they've been picked.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa wakes up and goes on the computer. She checks to see
how many views she got on her video and she sees she only
has about 100. She looks at the analytics and sees she only
got about $10 in ad revenue, which upsets her more. She goes
on her email and then sees a message from WhatIJustSaw.com.
She clicks on it and reads the email. It says HELLO, IF
YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU SUBMITTED A VIDEO TO
WHATIJUSTSAW.COM. WE WATCHED YOUR VIDEO AND, AFTER CAREFUL
CONSIDERATION, HAVE DECIDED YOU SHOULD BE A CONTRIBUTOR ON
OUR WEBSITE. CONGRATULATIONS AND WELCOME TO
WHATIJUSTSAW.COM. She gets really excited.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Dad! Dad!
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' LIVING ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
John is having breakfast downstairs. Alyssa runs in,
excited.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Dad, I've got great news.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
What is it, honey?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I have a new job.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
That's terrific! What are you
doing?!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
This website has hired me to do
videos for them.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Well, I'm happy for you, I hope it
works out.
                                                            
Alyssa smiles at him, HOPEFUL.
                                                            

49.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Me too.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is reading a document that contains information about
the site and lists the rules. She's excited to hear more
about the site. But then she sees a section that says "you
are not contracted or employed by WhatIJustSaw, your videos
will just be embedded on your site. Therefore you will not
be paid for your videos". Suddenly she gets disappointed.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Dammit.
                                                            
Alyssa gets discouraged, knowing the job search will have to
continue. She reads more of the rules and regulations until
she sees a section that says "All Company Policy is Laid Out
in this Link: Coming Soon. All questions will be addressed
to Ronald Morris. Any concerns or issues with the company
can be addressed with Ronald Morris or (in case of
emergencies) Jimmie Williams". Suddenly Alyssa gets confused
by this.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Umm...what?
                                                            
Alyssa thinks about it. She looks at the document and sees
Ronald and Jimmie's phone numbers. She takes out her cell
phone and calls Ronald.
                                                            
 
INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Ronald is on a line, waiting to order his food. Suddenly his
cell phone rings and he picks it up.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Hello?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Hey, it's me Alyssa from This
Exista?! Is this Ronald Morris?
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Speaking.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Great, it's nice to talk to you.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
You too. Anyway what do you want?
                                                            

50.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
I got a question: are you guys
gonna start paying us in the
future or are you never going to
pay us? I'm fine with either, I'm
just curious.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
I dunno, ask Jimmie.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
But they said to only contact him
in case of emergencies, this isn't
really an emergency, it's just a
question.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Well, sorry, but I don't know.
Anyway I gotta go get something to
eat but if you ever have any
questions, give me a call. Okay?
Bye.
                                                            
He quickly hangs up.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa is surprised by how rude Ronald is. She sighs then
calls Jimmie.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Jimmie is sitting on the couch in his living room, watching
THE APPRENTICE.
                                                            
                       DONALD TRUMP (V.O.)
Omarosa, you're fired!
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yes Trump! Fire that bitch!
                                                            
Suddenly Jimmie's cell phone rings. He quickly picks it up.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yo, this is Jimmie. What do you
want?
                                                            
 

51.

INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey, this is Alyssa, I'm one of
the new contributors on
WhatIJustSaw.Com.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Oh yeah, the hot black girl.
                                                            
Alyssa is a little weirded out by that but quickly shakes it
off.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Anyway, what do you want?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I just had a question: I saw that
your company policy is "coming
soon". Do you know when it's
coming?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
I dunno.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Well, do you think the company
policy on paying your contributors
might change?
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Jimmie goes from being indifferent to annoyed, irritated
that someone, especially a woman, dare ask him about how
he's running his business.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
What do you mean?
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I just mean, might you start
paying your contributors in the
future?
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
This questions pisses off Jimmie and he snaps.
                                                            

52.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
      (ANGRY)
No, I don't! You are not our
employee, we just host your
videos, that's it! We are not
paying you and don't you dare feel
like we should!
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa gets really scared about this, unsure of what to do.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Okay, okay, I was just asking.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
      (ANGRY)
Well don't ask again,
troublemaker! Okay. Now I have to
go. Bye.
                                                            
He hangs up. Alyssa sits there in shock, in disbelief as to
what just happened. She puts her phone down and puts her
hand on her head, wondering if she should even stay with the
website after Jimmie's outburst.
                                                            
 
EXT. THE MICHAELS' HOUSE - MORNING
                                                            
Super: The Next Day.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa is on the computer. She sighs and looks up
WWW.WhatIJustSaw.Com, just out of curiosity. She sees that
her video for My Stepmom's A Robot is up, which surprises
her. She then goes onto Youtube and sees that she now has
800 views. This surprises her even more. She then goes on
her Youtube analytics and sees that she got $300 from the
video.
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' KITCHEN - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa is washing dishes along with her Dad.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
So are you still going to work
with that website, ever since you
know---?
                                                            

53.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Gotta be honest, little conflicted
on that. I mean my viewership
jumped from 100 to 800 ever since
they put the video on the website
but, still, I don't know if I want
to work with someone like that.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa is on her computer, looking up the stats for her
video.

SUPER: THE NEXT MORNING

Alyssa sees that she now has 1,600 views, which surprises
her. She then checks how much money she's getting from it
and sees she's getting about $800. She leans down and thinks
about it some more. She sighs.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Maybe I can give the website
another shot. In fact I should
probably get to my next review---.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
Alyssa is sitting on her bed, watching a movie called NINJA
BABIES, while the DVD for the movie, which has 3 babies in
ninja clothes, is lying on the bed. She's taking notes.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
That's obviously a little person
wearing a diaper whose got the
main character's head superimposed
over his. That makes me feel
really sorry for the little
person. Ooh, that's a good idea
for a joke! I can just see what
he's thinking: "I have to do stunt
work for a baby?! I am so firing
my agent!"
                                                            
She gleefully writes down that joke.
                                                            
 

54.

INT. THIS EXISTS?! - YOUTUBE PAGE - NINJA BABIES - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is sitting in the same spot she was sitting at
before, now reviewing NINJA BABIES.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Ninja Babies. Just...Ninja Babies!
This exists?! Yes, yes it does!
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS?! - YOUTUBE ANALYTICS - DAY
                                                            
The Ninja Babies video has about 12,000 views and has made
Alyssa $700.
                                                            
 
INT. SPY DOG - MUSEUM - NIGHT
                                                            
A dog walks to a man holding a document in his mouth.
                                                            
                       SPY DOG ACTOR
Is that the right document, boy?
                                                            
Spy Dog spits out the document.
                                                            
                       SPY DOG
It sure is.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - SPY DOG - DAY
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Y'know, that document will
probably have dog drool all over
it. Oh Spy Dog!
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - YOUTUBE ANALYTICS PAGE - DAY
                                                            
SPY DOG has 23,000 views and has made Alyssa $1,200 dollars.
                                                            
 
INT. MY NANNY'S A MERMAID - UPSCALE RESTAURANT - NIGHT
                                                            
Marisa Vaida is in an upscale restaurant with a guy and her
daughter. A waiter is taking their order.
                                                            
                       WAITER
Tonight we have a lobster special.
                                                            

55.

                       MARISA VAIDA
You murderers! I mean, I'm not
interested. Now I'm going to clean
my gills I mean face.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - MY NANNY'S A MERMAID - DAY
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I can just imagine the writers
were thinking, just overreacting
to a lobster doesn't necessarily
mean someone's a mermaid so let's
add a line about gills.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - YOUTUBE ANALYTICS PAGE - DAY
                                                            
The video for MY NANNY'S A MERMAID has 25,000 views and has
made Alyssa $3,000 dollars.
                                                            
 
INT. MOVIE THEATER - EVENING
                                                            
Thomas Carver is standing behind a counter in a movie
theater, looking bored. Suddenly another movie theater
employee walks up to him.
                                                            
                       MOVIE THEATER EMPLOYEE
Hey Thomas, Greg's on break, can
you please clean up Benjamin
Button?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Sure.
                                                            
 
INT. MOVIE THEATER - BENJAMIN BUTTON - EVENING
                                                            
The theater for Benjamin Button is messy, with popcorn,
snacks, and drinks all over the seats. Thomas walks in with
a broom and dustpan and can't believe the mess.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
How could there be this many
people at Benjamin Button? It came
out three months ago!
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Thomas's apartment is small, dingy, and not in the best
shape. His kitchen is the first thing you walk into. His

56.

laptop is on his kitchen table. He walks in, sits down on
the kitchen table, and opens up his laptop and goes on
WhatIJustSaw.Com. He sees that Alyssa has a new video called
THIS EXISTS? - DRAGON HUNTER. He clicks on it.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - DRAGON HUNTER - DAY
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
On this show, we've talked about
Marisa Vaida's comedy films but
she was at her best when she did
martial arts movies. But what if
she made a martial arts fantasy
movie? I'm talking about Dragon
Hunters.
                                                            
 
INT. MEDIEVAL TOWN - MORNING
                                                            
MARISA VAIDA is walking around in a forest area while sets
that are clearly from a Renaissance Fair are behind her and
people are wearing cheap medieval costumes. Marisa herself
is walking around in a princess costume that looks like its
from PARTY CITY.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Nice to see their local ren fair
gave them permission to film.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Thomas laughs.
                                                            
 
INT. MEDIEVAL TOWN - MORNING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (TERRIBLE BRITISH
       ACCENT)
What shall be on the shedule
ta-day?!
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - DRAGON HUNTER - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Marisa Vaida's British Accent is
amazing-ly awaful. This exists?
Yes, yes it does. As does this
scene.
                                                            
 

57.

INT. EERIE FOREST - NIGHT
                                                            
Marisa is fighting knights martial arts style while still
dressed in a medieval dress.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Thomas laughs. After laughing, he smiles and thinks about
contacting Alyssa. He goes on his email and finds the email
Jimmie had sent everyone. He sees Alyssa's email address,
Alyssa123@gmail.com and starts writing an email.
                                                            
 
INT. COFFEE SHOP - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa and Margaret are sitting in a coffee shop, drinking
coffee together.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey Margaret, you know that
website I work for?
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Yeah?
                                                            
Alyssa takes out her cell phone.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I got an email from Thomas Carver,
the guy who does Horrorhound
Reviews, another video reviewer on
the website and he wrote "Dear
Alyssa, I really love your
reviews. Can we talk over skype?
I'd love to work together". Do you
think I should take it?
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Ehh, why not? These people are
technically your co-workers, you
might as well meet them.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Okay, I'll respond back.
                                                            
She sees Ben and a few of his friends, JEFF, MOLLY, and
DEREK, sitting at another table, talking.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Speaking of the website, you won't
believe it.
                                                            

58.

                       MARGARET
What?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You see that guy over there?
Talking to his friends? He's also
on the website.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
No.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Yeah.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Well you should go over and talk
to him.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Ben and his friends are having a blast while they talk about
their new film, UNDERCOVER HOOKER COP.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Okay so I was thinking, the
villain should be a snuff film
director. And the movie can even
begin with him murdering one of
the prostitutes.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Oh my god, that would be the
perfect opening!
                                                            
Alyssa and Margaret walk up to them, which suddenly gets
Ben's attention.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Hey, I know you from somewhere.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey, I'm Alyssa Michaels, the host
of This Exists?!
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Holy shit, you live in the city?!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Long Island actually. But it's
nice to meet you.
                                                            

59.

                       BEN DERELICT
You too. Take a seat. You and your
friend.
                                                            
Alyssa and Margaret take chairs from another table and sit
down.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
It's great to meet you!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You too!
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
What brings you to the city?
                                                            
                       MARGARET
We heard this place was amazing
and had to try it out.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Yeah, the coffee here's great!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I hope we weren't interrupting
anything.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
What? You weren't interrupting
anything! Although I probably
should introduce you to my
friends. Alyssa, this is Jeff,
Derek, and Molly.
                                                            
                       MOLLY
Nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You too.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
I'm Margaret, nice to meet you
guys.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
We were just discussing our plans
for my next movie, Undercover
Hooker Cop.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You make movies?
                                                            

60.

                       BEN DERELICT
Of course, whenever I'm not
reviewing porn, were either doing
my other series, Jeff & Derek Do
Things, or were making
exploitation movies. Were
currently planning to do one
called Undercover Hooker Cop.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Wow, awesome. I'm guessing it's
about a cop that goes undercover
as a prostitute?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Nah, it's about a cop whose also a
prostitute who is investigating a
series of snuff films.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Okay, that's pretty funny. And
I've definitely seen weirder.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa is on her laptop, talking to Thomas.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Hey thanks for talking to me.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
No problem. So what's up?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Nothing, I just wanted to get to
know you better, I love your
stuff.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Well thank you.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Yeah, it always makes me feel
better after a long day at work.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I know that feeling. Those cheesy
B-movies I review? Whenever I'm
feeling down, I always pop one in
to make myself feel better.
                                                            

61.

                       THOMAS CARVER
Yeah, laughing at the incompetence
of people's hard work is
hilarious.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
It's kind've our job.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
True.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Really though, those crappy movies
helped me out a lot. Whenever I
felt exhausted by my job, I could
just sit down, put one on, and
they'd make me smile.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
I know what you mean. I work at a
movie theater and I just find it
so exhausting sometimes.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Why? Difficult Customers? Gross
things to clean up?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Always something to do. Something
that makes me wonder,---.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Is this where my life is heading?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
It's just not what I want to do.
You know what I really want to do?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
What?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
I'll show you. Here's a clip from
my next review---.
                                                            
 
INT. CAMP DEATH - BUNKER - NIGHT
                                                            
Two twentysomething counselors are stripped to their
underwear, about to have sex.
                                                            

62.

                       CAMP COUNSELOR
You think it's a good idea to have
sex when Damien might be out
killing people?
                                                            
Suddenly the screen pauses and the other camp counselor's
mouth moves while Thomas talks over him.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER (V.O.)
Gee considering how these movies
usually go, what do you think?
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa laughs.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
That's awesome!
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Yeah, I really want to do special
effects work.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey, I was thinking of reviewing a
movie called Reincatnated, where a
man dies and gets reincarnated
into a cat. Maybe I could do the
whole review as a cat and you
could animate it?
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - REINCATNATED - DAY
                                                            
"Alyssa", whose now an a photoshopped cat that's talking, is
sitting in the spot Alyssa usually sits in, talking to the
camera.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Hi, I'm Mr. Kitty and I'm going to
be taking over for Alyssa today.
Why? Because we're going to be
reviewing a movie called
Reincatnated. This exists? Yes,
yes it does.
                                                            
The screen pauses.
                                                            
 

63.

INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Alyssa looks at Thomas, whose she talking to on the
computer.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I love it.
                                                            
 
INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa, Ben, Derek, Jeff, and Molly are walking out of a
movie theater, having all watched movies there.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Why do you always make me go see
kids movies?! If I see one more
group of talking animals throw a
dance party at the end, I'm gonna
go fucking nuts!
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Maybe because it's funny how angry
you get at them.
                                                            
                       JEFF
It's not funny!
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Hey at least you didn't have to
sit through Dragonball Evolution.
Man was that a piece of shit!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
It was pretty bad.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Did it have an armadillo putting
on sunglasses and saying "Can't
Touch This"?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
That's more accurate to Dragonball
than Dragonball Evolution was!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
By the way, Ben, how's the movie
going? Undercover Hooker Cop?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Fine. We started shooting.
                                                            

64.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You know Thomas? The Horrorhound
Reviews guy? He did those amazing
effects for my Reincatnated video,
maybe he can do some effects for
your movie.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
You know, I actually need some SFX
work done for the next Porn
Reviewer episode. If he does that,
I'll consider it.
                                                            
 
INT. SEEDY BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
A lady is standing at a pool table, giving a suggestive look
to a Gremlin puppet.
                                                            
                       PORN ACTRESS
You sure you want to destroy the
bar? You don't want to fuck
instead?
                                                            
 
INT. THE PORN REVIEWER - GREMLINS PORNO - DAY
                                                            
Ben is sitting in his usual spot, reviewing a GREMLINS
PORNO.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Of course, when all else fails,
turn to, uhh, would it count as
bestiality?
                                                            
Suddenly a photoshopped Gremlin, voiced by Jeff, pops in.
                                                            
                       JEFF (V.O.)
Yeah it would.
                                                            


THE END


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