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WHAT I JUST SAW
by Kevin Higgins (liamhiggins984@yahoo.com)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review:
NOT YET
RATED

In the pilot for a new series called To Boldly Flee, a girl named Alyssa Michaels joins a website for internet reviewers only to find out the website is run by mismanagement from a sleazy CEO named Jimmie Williams.


This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.



FADE IN:

INT. WELLGANS PHARMACY - AFTERNOON
                                                            
ALYSSA MICHAELS, a young, 22-year old girl, is standing at
the counter, bored. MARGARET, the manager of the store, is
across from her, putting up halloween decorations.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Hey Alyssa, who are you going to
vote for? Obama or McCain?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Obama of course. I'm so sick of
Bush's crap, I can't vote for
another Republican right now.
                                                            
A Customer walks up to Alyssa. They hand Alyssa everything
they bought and she scans all of their items.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
That'll be $39.95!
                                                            
The Customer hands her their Wellgans card. She scans it but
it's declined.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I'm sorry but your card's been
declined.
                                                            
                       RUDE CUSTOMER
What?! Check the expiration date!
                                                            
Alyssa looks at the expiration date.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Yeah, it expired yesterday, I'm
sorry about that. But you can buy
a new card.
                                                            
                       RUDE CUSTOMER
Sorry? Sorry! It's over by one
day! One fucking day! It's
ridiculous, you can't take a card
that's expired by one fucking
day?!
                                                            
Alyssa, OVERWHELMED by the customer's complaint, looks at
Margaret, NERVOUSLY.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            

2.

Alyssa walks away from the counter as Margaret deals with
the customer. She looks EXASPERATED, wondering if this is
where her life is going to lead.
                                                            
                       RUDE CUSTOMER (V.O.)
This is freaking ridiculous! You
won't take a card that expired
yesterday?!
                                                            
                       MARGARET (V.O.)
I'm sorry but it's store policy.
                                                            
 
INT. BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa is sitting at a table, drinking beer with her
friends. There are halloween decorations on the windows near
where their sitting.
                                                            
                       DANIEL
Hey Alyssa, how've you been?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I'm good. How's law school going?
                                                            
                       DANIEL
Great. Just started my internship
with Minelli's firm.
                                                            
                       NICK
Really? That's great!
                                                            
                       JUDY
That's really awesome.
                                                            
                       DANIEL
Thanks Nick. Thanks Judy.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Yeah, I'm really happy for you.
                                                            
Suddenly Alyssa gets sad, slightly jealous about Daniel's
internship. Alyssa starts thinking about her own life.

Begin Flashback:
                                                            
 
INT. ADMISSIONS OFFICE - FLASHBACK - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is talking to the college admissions officer, whose
sitting behind a computer.
                                                            

3.

                       ADMISSIONS OFFICER
So Alyssa, have you decided on a
major yet?
                                                            
Alyssa is nervous because she's still not sure.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Put me down for, uhh, liberal
studies.
                                                            
End Flashback.
                                                            
 
INT. BAR - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa still thinks about the years she feels she's wasted
away.

Begin Flashback:
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' HOUSE - FLASHBACK - DAY
                                                            
Many people are at the Michaels' house, celebrating Alyssa's
college graduation. JOHN, Alyssa's father, is looking at
Alyssa.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
I can't believe it, my baby girl
is growing up.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
      (NERVOUS)
Yeah and it just feels like
yesterday I was in diapers!
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
How'd you know what I was going to
say?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
      (NERVOUS)
'Cause you always say corny stuff
like that.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Now Alyssa's father is no longer there and her Aunt Janice
is talking to her.
                                                            
                       AUNT JANICE
It must be exciting to finally be
done with college.
                                                            

4.

                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa's cousin is now talking to her.
                                                            
                       COUSIN EMMANUEL
What's next? Are you going to go
straight to grad school or are you
going to take a year off?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa looks at him, nervously, not really sure what's next.

End Flashback.
                                                            
 
INT. BAR- NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa stares into the air, contemplating what her life has
become. She sighs.
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' HOUSE - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa walks in the house. She passes by her Dad, whose
sitting on the couch, watching TV.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Hey honey, how was your---?
                                                            
She walks upstairs, ignoring her father.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa walks into her room, which is filled with posters of
fake B-movies. She walks up to a shelf of DVD's and VHS's
and takes out a DVD copy of a movie called IRON BROTHER,
which has a big guy in a cheap robot costume looking down at
a shorter guy with an "uh oh" face.

She takes her laptop, which is on a desk near the shelf, and
lies down on the bed. Then she takes the DVD out of its case
and puts it in her laptop.
                                                            
 
INT. IRON BROTHER - LAB - NIGHT
                                                            
Scientists are in a lab, wearing lab coats and looking
through a microscope.
                                                            

5.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
We know these are scientists
because their looking through a
microscope. That's a science-y
thing!
                                                            
                       SCIENTIST#1
We must figure out the formula
quickly.
                                                            
                       SCIENTIST #2
Before it's too late.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
She giggles, feeling a little better about what's going on
in her life.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Wow the dialogue is cliche. Nice
to know they only used the first
draft.
                                                            
John knocks at the door
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Come in.
                                                            
John walks in.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Hey, what are you up to?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Watching Iron Brother.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Can I watch?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Sure.
                                                            
He sits on the bed next to her.
                                                            
 
INT. IRON BROTHER - LAB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
VIC, a skinny, sleazy man, walks into the lab with two
goons.
                                                            

6.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Goddammit, we should've locked the
door.
                                                            
                       SCIENTIST#1
Vic, what are you doing here?
                                                            
                       VIC
I need Iron Brother.
                                                            
                       SCIENTIST #2
You'll have to pry him from my
cold, dead hands.
                                                            
Vic smirks.
                                                            
                       VIC
That can be arranged.
                                                            
The goons start fighting Scientist#2 and suddenly
Scientist#2 turns into a much buffer, much younger man.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You idiots! These are not them!
Those are their stunt doubles!
                                                            
Alyssa and John laugh.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
This movie's hilarious.
                                                            
Alyssa pauses the movie.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I'm surprised you don't
legitimately like it. After all
the dialogue is so cliche, it's
like you wrote it!
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Am I that predictable?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Nah, you're not. So what's going
on?
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Yeah, I was just wondering, is
everything okay?
                                                            

7.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Everything's fine. Why do you ask?
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
It just seems like something's
bugging you. Are you sure there's
not something you want to talk
about?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
It's just...I don't know what to
do with my life.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Well you just graduated college, I
wouldn't worry about it too much.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
That's the point of college,
you're supposed to figure out what
you want to do there! My friends
all seem to have their shit
figured out but me? No!
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Hey, I didn't exactly know what I
wanted to do with my future when I
graduated either.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
But you at least had some idea of
what field you wanted to get into.
I don't. All I know is I don't
want to work at Wellgan's for the
rest of my life!
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
I understand how you feel. You
just have to see what's out there.
Don't worry, you'll figure it out.
                                                            
Alyssa smirks.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Very original, Dad. But seriously,
thanks.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
You're welcome. I gotta get going
but, if you need anything, I'll be
downstairs.
                                                            

8.

John leaves. Alyssa sighs and lies down on the bed, still
not sure what she's going to do. She starts playing the
movie again.
                                                            
 
INT. IRON BROTHER - LAB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The stunt double keeps fighting the goon when the DVD starts
skipping.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa gets frustrated with this and takes the DVD out of
the computer. She looks at the DVD and sees that it has a
huge scratch on the front of the disc. She sighs and pulls
up Youtube on her computer. She searches for Iron Brother.
She sees Iron Brother is split up into 9 parts. In between
those parts, she sees a video called WHAT I JUST SAW-IRON
MAN. This catches her curiosity and she presses play.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY
                                                            
ADRIAN MORRIS, a young, lanky internet reviewer, is sitting
behind a desk, talking to the camera.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Hi I'm Adrian Morris and this is
What I Just Saw. Y'know, I had no
expectations for this movie. Most
recent superhero movies suck. The
first two Spider Man movies were
good, the first two X-men movies
were good, Blade II was good,
Batman Begins was awesome but
that's really about it. And then
there's the fact that it's based
on an obscure superhero. Who the
hell has ever heard of Iron Man?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Adrian is dressed in nerdy clothes, standing behind a wall.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (NERDY VOICE)
I've heard of Iron Brother.
                                                            
 

9.

EXT. IRON BROTHER - BUILDING - DAY
                                                            
Iron Brother and his "brother", David, are standing outside
a building.
                                                            
                       IRON BROTHER
David, it took me the last few
days to realize that just because
I'm a machine doesn't mean I'm not
also a man.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
What kind've movies do you watch?
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa laughs out loud at that line. This gets her hooked
and she decides to watch further.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
So Tony, whose like this superhero
version of Scrooge McDuck mixed
with a superhero version of Hugh
Hefner, is selling these weapons
only to almost be blown up by a
bomb.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Stock footage of a bomb going off.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Adrian sitting at his desk.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Michael Bay must've directed that
scene.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa laughs at this.
                                                            
 

10.

INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
So Tony goes back to America and
announces that he's no longer
gonna build weapons for the
military. But his partner, The
Dude, says---.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa waits, wondering where this joke is going to go.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian is standing behind a wall, dressed like The Dude from
The Big Lebowski.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (THE DUDE
       IMPRESSION)
The Dude does not abide.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa laughs out loud at this, like a HYENA.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
And then Iron Man and The Dude
fight.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Adrian is playing with action figures of Iron Man and The
Dude.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
They make action figures of The
Dude?
                                                            
 

11.

INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - IRON MAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
in the end credits, Nick Fury
shows up and asks Tony Stark to be
a part of The Avengers. Yes! They
are going to make a motherfucking
Avengers movie! Finally! And they
better not screw it up. Now, Hulk.
Hulk? Your last movie sucked and
you were directed by Ang Lee. He's
great. He made Crouching Tiger,
Hidden Dragon, and Brokeback
Mountain and even he couldn't make
a good superhero movie. If he
couldn't do it, it seemed like all
hope was lost and most other
superhero movies showed that. But
Hulk? Hulk-y Hulk? Prove us wrong
and show us that superhero movies
are here to stay. I'm Adrian
Morris and this is What I Just
Saw.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa smiles at the video, happy that it helped her get her
mind off the uncertainties lying ahead in her future.

She clicks on the link for his channel and sees a lot of
videos of his for both movies that just came out, including
THE DARK KNIGHT, MAMMA MIA, KUNG FU PANDA, etc. and movies
that came out in the past, including MANOS: THE HANDS OF
FATE, SPACE JAM, CARTOON ALL-STARS TO THE RESCUE, etc. She
clicks on another video.
                                                            
 
INT. ELECTRIC VILLAGE - NIGHT
                                                            
JIMMIE WILLIAMS, a passive aggressive employee at Electronic
Village, is in the toy aisle, on his phone, while his
co-worker, SANJAY, is standing on a ladder, putting toys
away. Jimmie is looking up Adrian's videos. He scrolls by
videos for Adrian's other show, ADRIAN'S ADVICE CORNER,
where the thumbnail is him standing behind a counter looking
SMUG.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
There still isn't a new episode of
Adrian's Advice Corner?
                                                            

12.

                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Adrian told me he's gonna start
working on one next week, after he
finishes his review of Bangkok
Dangerous and a new episode of
Cartoon Therapist.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Hey, speaking of Cartoon
Therapist, how about you put me on
that show?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Do you wanna do a voice for that
show?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Nah, let's make an episode about a
human who was traumatized by
cartoon characters. For example, I
used to think the lady from
Pee-Wee's Big Adventure and The
Devil's Rejects was hot. Then I
found out she was the voice of
Tommy Pickles. Real boner killer
there.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Yeah no.
                                                            
ELEANOR, the manager of the store, walks in from across the
aisle and sees Jimmie on the phone.
                                                            
                       ELEANOR
Hey Jimmie, get off the phone!
                                                            
Jimmie grumbles.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yes Eleanor.
                                                            
Jimmie puts his phone away. Eleanor sighs, ANNOYED, and
leaves.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
God Eleanor's a bitch!
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Well, she's not exactly
wrong...you could be doing some
actual work. Like handing me those
Dora the Explorer dolls.
                                                            

13.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Well I am working. By watching
Adrian's videos, I'm thinking
about my business.
                                                            
Sanjay stops and looks at him, confused as to what he's
talking about.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
What?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Think about it dude. In the last
few years, the internet has become
huge. Leave Britney Alone,
Dramatic Chipmunk, Chocolate Rain,
Charlie Bit My Finger, Charlie The
Unicorn---all these videos have
made complete nobodies famous
overnight. Adrian is a perfect
example of that. Just look at the
views on his videos.
                                                            
Jimmie takes out his cell phone and clicks on one of
Adrian's What I Just Saw videos. Sanjay gets off the ladder
and looks at it. He sees that the video has 300,000 views.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Yeah, that's impressive and all
but he's still working as both a
graphic designer and a janitor so
what's your point?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
He shouldn't have to. And we
shouldn't have to work at these
dead end jobs. We should create an
internet only channel focused
around all his shows. He has
enough fans that I'm pretty sure
it would be a success.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I dunno, sounds risky.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yeah, ya have to take risks, my
friend. Plus, you know Adrian, so
you can introduce him to me and we
can get our business off the
ground.
                                                            

14.

                       SANJAY ACHARYA
How about this? See if you can get
an investor for this channel. If
you can, I'm in.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
You're on.
                                                            
They shake on it.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Jimmie is sitting in his room, looking up HOW TO DO A PITCH
EMAIL on his laptop.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S COMPUTER - NIGHT
                                                            
On Jimmie's computer, he writes DEAR MORGAN INVESTMENTS---.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
On Jimmie's computer, he is writing another pitch email. It
says DEAR BRANDON AND SONS, I WOULD LIKE TO PITCH A
REVOLUTIONARY NEW NETWORK TO YOU.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
On Jimmie's computer, he is writing yet another pitch email.
This one says DEAR VIDONLIC INDUSTRIES, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO INVEST IN A NETWORK THAT MELDS TV AND THE INTERNET?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Jimmie is still writing on his laptop. He stops, smirks, and
hits send.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S CAR - MORNING
                                                            
Jimmie is driving his car when suddenly he hears a sound
coming from his phone. He pulls over and checks his phone to
see he has an email from LENLO CORP asking to meet with him.
He smiles, happy to see that someone answered.
                                                            
 

15.

INT. LENLO CORPORATION - MARGE'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
MARGE LENLO, an investor, is sitting at her desk, waiting
for Jimmie to come in. Jimmie walks in, wearing a suit and
holding a laptop.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
Are you Jimmie?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yes I am. Nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
You too.
                                                            
Jimmie takes a seat and opens up the laptop.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
So tell me a bit about your
business.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Sure. Back in the day, people had
to work their way up to be big.
John Wayne? Started off as an
extra. But not anymore. Now any
schmuck can get famous. Kim
Kardashian? She was rich but no
one knew who she was until she had
her own sex tape. It's not just
rich people. There's a fat guy who
only became famous because he
taped himself dancing to the Numa
Numa song.
                                                            
He takes out a cell phone.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
This has over a million views.
                                                            
Jimmie plays a cute animal video on his cell phone.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
Aww cute.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Profitable too. The makers of that
video are making a living not only
on ad revenue but also on
merchandise, interview deals, you
name it.
                                                            

16.

                       MARGE LENLO
What does this have to do with
your business?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
There's a guy I know named Adrian
Morris. He is really famous
online. He has this series called
What I Just Saw, where he reviews
movies he just saw, theaters or
otherwise. He also has other
shows, including Adrian's Advice
Corner, where he answers questions
his viewers send him and Cartoon
Therapist, where he plays a
therapist for, well, cartoon
characters. What I Just Saw and
all his skits make more than a
million views combined and he
has---.
                                                            
Jimmie goes to Adrian's youtube page and shows Marge the
amount of subscribers Adrian has, which is currenly 60,000.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
60,000 subscribers. I want to
build his brand by creating an
internet-only channel based around
his projects. I believe his fans
would eat it up and you'd get any
money you invest in the project
back in no time.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
This sounds promising but can I
see one of his videos so I'd know
what I'd be investing in?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Definitely.
                                                            
He searches THE BAZ LUHRMANN SHOW on his laptop.
                                                            
 
INT. THE BAZ LUHRMANN SHOW - DAY
                                                            
The show begins with a red curtain while the Can Can plays
in the background.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
'Ello. Velcome to...
                                                            

17.

The title THE BAZ LUHRMANN SHOW pops up.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
The Baz Luhrmann Show.
                                                            
The title fades away. Adrian, dressed in a stereotypical
ringmaster outfit ala JIM BROADBENT IN MOULIN ROUGE, jumps
in and starts dancing.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Oh, velcome to the show! Show!
                                                            
Sanjay is shirtless, in a pair of overalls, dancing to the
song while RONALD, his brother, dances next to him, wearing
a dinosaur head.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Time to go to the show! Show!
                                                            
 
INT. LENLO CORPORATION - MARGE'S OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Marge is confused, not sure what she's watching.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
      (SINGING)
       (RIDICULOUS
       GERMAN ACCENT)
We love the show! Show!
                                                            
 
INT. THE BAZ LURHMANN SHOW - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Baz is sitting at his desk, talking to an actress playing
SARAH JESSICA PARKER, whose sitting on a couch.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
So Sarah, is it true you're a
horse?
                                                            
                       ACTRESS PLAYING SJP
what?
                                                            

18.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Turtle.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
A stock picture of a turtle.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Adrian, as Baz, gets into SJP's face again.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Is it true that you're a horse?
                                                            
                       ACTRESS PLAYING SJP
No, I'm not a horse.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Liar!
                                                            
Suddenly Ronald and Sanjay are on the couch, dressed in
weird outfits, shouting "Burn the---".
                                                            
 
INT. LENLO CORPORATION - MARGE'S OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Ronald and Sanjay shout "liar" off-screen as Marge looks at
the video, weirded out. She looks at Jimmie, CONFUSED.
Jimmie looks back at her and smiles, hoping she likes it.
                                                            
 
INT. THE BAZ LUHRMANN SHOW - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian is standing behind the red curtain again.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Oh well, that's all the time we
have today!
                                                            
The Can Can starts up again.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (RIDICULOUS GERMAN
       ACCENT)
Join me next time when we
interview Bart Gialatti. Until
then, remember, the only thing
that matters is to love and be
            (MORE)

19.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS (cont'd)
loved in return. Bye now!
                                                            
Sanjay and Ronald come out, both dressed as clowns, and
dance around Adrian. The video pauses.
                                                            
 
INT. LENLO CORPORATION - MARGE'S OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
So, what do you think?
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
That was...interesting.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Are you interested in investing?
If so, I want you to invest about
$50,000 on this.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
Yeah, let me talk about it with
other people in the company and
we'll get back to you.
                                                            
She gets up and starts leaving. Jimmie can't believe what
he's hearing and walks up to her.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Apparently you've never seen a
movie. In movies, when people find
out someone is talented, they
automatically become successful
and are given everything they need
to become rich and famous.
                                                            
                       MARGE LENLO
This is not a movie, Mr. Williams.
                                                            
Jimmie starts getting nervous and desperate. He gets
desperately close to her and strokes his finger down her
body.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Y'know, I do prefer older women.
                                                            
Marge has had enough and gets pissed at this.
                                                            
 
EXT. LENLO CORPORATION - DAY
                                                            
Jimmie is being escorted outside of the building by a
security guard.
                                                            

20.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
This is what I get for calling you
old?! Don't you think you're
overreacting?!
                                                            
The Security Guard stops.
                                                            
                       SECURITY GUARD
That's not what this is about and
you know it! Don't ever come here
again!
                                                            
The Security Guard walks away.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Dick.
                                                            
Jimmie leaves.
                                                            
 
INT. ELECTRIC VILLAGE - LOCKER ROOM - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Sanjay is putting his work clothes on. Jimmie walks in,
pissed, and starts getting into his work clothes.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
How did the meeting go?
                                                            
Jimmie thinks about it then smiles.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
I was thinking, we don't need
investors. We should start our own
website.
                                                            
Sanjay can tell that Jimmie is full of it. He thinks about
it for a second. He then looks at Jimmie and gives him a
SMUG SMILE.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
We'll see.
                                                            
Jimmie grunts, annoyed.
                                                            
 
EXT. WELLGANS PHARMACY - DAY
                                                            
Wellgans has some halloween decorations on the windows. The
two stores next to Wellgans have Halloween decorations on
the windows as well. There is a trash can that has been
knocked over outside of Wellgans. There is trash all over
the place. Alyssa walks out. She sighs and walks back into

21.

Wellgans. Then she walks back out with a broom and dustpan.
She starts cleaning up the mess.
                                                            
 
INT. WELLGANS PHARMACY - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa walks in, TIRED. She smells something and looks down
to see there is puke all over the floor. She looks at
Margaret.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
I hate to ask but can you clean
that up?
                                                            
Alyssa gives her a look of disgust.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa walks into her room and sits down at her laptop. She
searches for WHAT I JUST SAW on Youtube. She sees there is a
video for WHAT I JUST SAW - EAGLE EYE and clicks on it.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - EAGLE EYE - DAY
                                                            
Adrian is sitting behind his desk, looking pissed.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Shia, we need to talk. I kinda
liked A Guide To Recognizing Your
Saints and Disturbia. But then you
made Transformers. And Crystal
Skull. Now this!
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa laughs. She hears a knock on the door and pauses the
video.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Come in.
                                                            
John walks into the room.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Hey Alyssa, you need to see this.
                                                            
 

22.

INT. THE MICHAEL'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
John and Alyssa are sitting on the couch, watching TV,
looking horrified.
                                                            
 
INT. CHANNEL 12 NEWS - NIGHT
                                                            
A newscaster is sitting behind a table, talking about what
is going on in the world. He is clearly unhappy about the
economy.
                                                            
                       CHANNEL 12 NEWSCASTER
Today, the Dow Jones Industrial
has had its lowest drop in
history, falling 777.68 points in
intra-day trading.
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAEL'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
John sighs, putting his head in his hands. Alyssa, horrified
too, puts her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.
                                                            
 
INT. ABC 7 NEWS - EVENING
                                                            
Another newscaster for ABC 7 is also sitting behind her
desk, looking worried.
                                                            
                       ABC 7 NEWSCASTER
Statistics have shown that the
unemployment rate has reached its
highest level in over 14 years.
There have been a total of---.
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAEL'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING
                                                            
Alyssa and John are watching TV, DEPRESSED.
                                                            
                       ABC 7 NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
650,000 jobs losses in the last 3
months.
                                                            
 
INT. WELLGAN'S PHARMACY - BREAK ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa and the other employees are circling around Margaret
in the break room, as she is telling them some important
news.
                                                            

23.

                       MARGARET
Unfortunately we've lost a lot of
money recently---.
                                                            
 
INT. ELECTRIC VILLAGE - BREAK ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Sanjay, Jimmie, and the other employees are circling around
Eleanor in the break room, while she also tells them some
important news.
                                                            
                       ELEANOR
Which means that we are going to
make some cutbacks,---.
                                                            
 
INT. WELLGAN'S PHARMACY - BREAK ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Unfortunately, we have just been
informed that this location is
going to be shut down and we'll
have to let everyone go.
                                                            
The other employees are shocked at the news, ESPECIALLY
Alyssa.
                                                            
 
INT. ELECTRIC VILLAGE - BREAK ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ELEANOR
Therefore we're going to be
letting people go.
                                                            
Most of the employees can't believe what their hearing but
Jimmie is ecstatic about this.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yes! Hey Eleanor, can you fire me
now?
                                                            
Eleanor gets really annoyed at this.
                                                            
                       ELEANOR
Fine, Jimmie, you're fired.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
What are you doing?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Sanjaya, buddy, this is our chance
to start Adrian's website.
                                                            

24.

                       SANJAY ACHARYA
First of all, my name is Sanjay
not Sanjaya, that's the crappy
American Idol contestant.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Who cares, Apu?
                                                            
Sanjay groans.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Second of all, you gave up after
talking to one investor.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
We don't need investors, we can
start our own website. Adrian's
videos are viewed by thousands of
people a week, I'm sure he'd have
enough of a fanbase to make the
website successful. Why do we need
investors for that? All you need
to do is introduce him to me and
we're good to go.
                                                            
Sanjay thinks about it then sighs.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Listen, I'll introduce you to him
and you can tell him your idea.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Thank you, buddy! You won't regret
it!
                                                            
Sanjay looks at Jimmie uncomfortably.
                                                            
 
INT. MELVIEWS ILLUSTRATION - MR. MONKUT'S OFFICE - DAY
                                                            
MR. MONKUT, the middle-aged boss of MELVIEWS ILLUSTRATION, a
company that creates designs for different businesses, is
sitting in his office. There's a photo of his family on his
desk and a few pictures behind him. Adrian walks in and sits
down on the seat facing his desk.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
You wanted to see me?
                                                            
                       MR. MONKUT
Yes, I want to talk to you about
the design you sent to me, the one
for the Denny's claw machine.
                                                            

25.

Mr. Monkut takes out a poster with chickens wearing
sombrero's.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Don't you love it? The chickens
have sombrero's! Isn't that
hilarious?
                                                            
                       MR. MONKUT
It's cute but, I'm sorry, it's not
what the client wanted. They just
wanted chickens.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
But that doesn't make sense? Why
would you put chickens on a claw
machine?
                                                            
                       MR. MONKUT
There supposed to be toy chickens,
they'll have a little tag on them.
I'll need you to re-do it.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (DISAPPOINTED)
Oh. Okay.
                                                            
 
INT. MCFINNIGANS BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Sanjay is playing darts in a bar called McFinnigans with
Adrian and Ronald.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Hey Sanjay, can you do an
impression of The Pillsbury Dough
Boy for the next episode of
Cartoon Therapist?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Of course. Though can I ask a
favor from you?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Sure buddy.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Can you meet with Jimmie tomorrow?
He's got an idea for a website and
wants you guys to get involved.
                                                            

26.

                       RONALD MORRIS
Jimmie? That asshole from your job
you're always complaining about?
Why would you want to help him?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I can't help but admire his
ambition. Plus he just got fired
thanks to the market crashing and
even I'd rather not see him out on
the street.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Sure, we'll meet with him.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Really?
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Really?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Yeah, I'll just hear what he has
to say and think about it.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Great. Thanks Adrian.
                                                            
 
EXT. RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Sanjay and Jimmie are sitting outside of a restaurant,
waiting for Adrian. Adrian and Ronald walk in and Sanjay and
Jimmie stand up.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Hey Adrian. Hey Ronald. This is
my, umm, friend Jimmie. Jimmie,
this is Adrian and Ronald.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
You too.
                                                            
They all take a seat.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
So Sanjay says you have a business
proposition for us.
                                                            

27.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Yes, I do---.
                                                            
A Waiter comes to their table.
                                                            
                       WAITER
Hello, can I take your---Adrian
Morris?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
In the flesh.
                                                            
                       WAITER
Oh my god, I can't believe I'm
meeting Adrian Morris! I love What
I Just Saw!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Thank you.
                                                            
                       WAITER
Can I get a picture of you?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Hey waiter, we're discussing
something important right now. Can
you please let us talk for a bit?
                                                            
                       WAITER
Umm...okay.
                                                            
The Waiter gives them all menus and leaves.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
So your show has a lot of fans
that I think we can profit off of.
How? Start your own website. With
this website, we can make money on
the amount of people visiting the
website as well as ad revenue,
plus we can also create
merchandise and sell that.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Umm...you do know we're probably
going to enter a recession, right?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Recession schmesession, people are
going to come. It's not like
they'd be paying for anything
besides the merchandise. So
Adrian, what do you think?
                                                            

28.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Well, this does sound tempting but
I'm going to have to think about
it.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
      (ANNOYED)
Take all the time you want.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa walks into her room.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Adrian walks into a room with his computer, which is an old
windows computer.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa sits down at her computer.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian signs onto his Youtube account.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa searches WHAT I JUST SAW on Youtube.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian sees that there is a huge sign on youtube warning him
that all of his videos have been taken down and his channel
has been deactivated for copyright infringement.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa sees that there are no WHAT I JUST SAW videos on
Youtube anymore and she can't believe it.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian can't believe what he's seeing. He sees a list of
VLOGs of people complaining about Adrian's video being taken

29.

down. He starts thinking about why his videos might have
been taken down.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - FANTASTIC FOUR: ROTSS - DAY
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
And Galactus turns out to be a big
cloud. Y'know, this is starting to
look good by comparison.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. FANTASTIC FOUR TV SHOW - STREET - DAY
                                                            
Four actors dressed like the Fantastic Four are on a fake
looking street that's obviously a soundstage. They also are
dressed in cheap costumes, ESPECIALLY The Thing. They are
facing a guy dressed as The Mole Man. He runs away.
                                                            
                       ACTOR PLAYING MR. FANTASTIC
      (WOODEN)
Stop! He's getting away!
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian thinks about it a little more.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - BEOWULF - DAY
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Zemeckis, why are your animated
movies so ugly? First Polar
Express now Beowulf. Remember
Roger Rabbit? Remember how good
this looked?
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian thinks about it even more.
                                                            
 
INT. ROBO-SHARK - RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Actors are huddling up in a corner of a restaurant, SCARED
as a shadowy figure with a shark head approaches them.
                                                            

30.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
So our main heroes are cornered
and it seems like Robo-Shark is
about to eat them---.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - ROBO-SHARK - DAY
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
And, I swear to god, this is what
Robo-Shark looks like.
                                                            
 
INT. ROBO-SHARK - RESTAURANT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
A guy with a really obvious, plastic looking shark head
creeps up to the actors as they scream.
                                                            
 
INT. WHAT I JUST SAW - ROBO-SHARK - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Adrian tries to stifle his laughter in.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Adrian thinks about it a little more then calls Sanjay on
his cell phone.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Hey Sanjay? Tell your friend he
has a deal.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING
                                                            
Jimmie, Sanjay, Adrian, and Ronald are sitting at a table in
Jimmie's apartment. Behind them, Jimmie's apartment is
MESSY, with dirty laundry and other things on the ground.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Thank you for coming.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
You're welcome.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Before we begin, I need you to
sign this...
                                                            
Jimmie takes out a contract and hands it to Adrian. Adrian
reads the contract. It says JIMMIE WILLIAMS OWNS THE IP OF
WHAT I JUST SAW AND IS A MAJORITY STAKEHOLDER IN THE

31.

COMPANY. Adrian is suspicious about this and looks at
Ronald.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (WHISPERING)
Look at this: the contract
basically says that Jimmie is
going to own the character. I'm
not sure about this...
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
      (WHISPERING)
What do we know about running a
business?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (WHISPERING)
True.
                                                            
They re-join Jimmie and Sanjay.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Can I have a pen?
                                                            
Jimmie gives him a pen. Then Adrian signs the contract.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Great! Now that you've signed it,
let's get this party started.
First of all, you gotta do
something big, something that'll
get your audience invested.
                                                            
 
INT. POP CULTURE FEST - DAY
                                                            
Adrian, Jimmie, Sanjay, and Ronald walk to an employee
sitting down at a table at POP CULTURE FEST, a convention
where celebrities interact with fans.
                                                            
                       POP CULTURE FEST EMPLOYEE
Oh my god, I can't believe it's
Adrian Morris, I love your videos!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Why thank you.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yeah, thanks, now can you tell us
where Adrian's booth is?
                                                            
                       POP CULTURE FEST EMPLOYEE
Booth?
                                                            

32.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yeah, he's going to be promoting
his new website.
                                                            
The Pop Culture Fest employee, confused, checks the list.
                                                            
                       POP CULTURE FEST EMPLOYEE
That's weird, I don't see him on
here.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
What are you talking about? I
signed him up and the website said
"you've been submitted".
                                                            
                       POP CULTURE FEST EMPLOYEE
When did you submit it? Because
the deadline was October 20th.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
There was a deadline? Then why was
the website still up?
                                                            
                       POP CULTURE FEST EMPLOYEE
I don't know, I'm not in charge of
that, but you can still get
tickets if you want.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
      (PISSED)
No, I don't want your damn
tickets!
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Jimmie...
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
No, we don't need your dumb
convention.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Jimmie, let's go.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
No, it's fine, we can promote our
website in other ways, something
else that can really stand out.
                                                            
Adrian smirks.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I know what to do.
                                                            
 

33.

EXT. SUBURB - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is walking around a suburb, talking to her friend,
Daniel, on the phone.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey Daniel, do you know of any law
firms looking for an assistant or
some other type of employee? You
don't? Well, could you ask?
Thanks.
                                                            
 
INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is talking to a fast food worker, whose standing
behind a counter.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Excuse me, can you give me an
application?
                                                            
                       FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE
Sorry, we're not hiring right now.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
      (DISAPPOINTED)
Oh. Okay.
                                                            
 
INT. VIDEO STORE - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is standing in the drama aisle of a video store,
talking to an employee whose putting videos away.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Can I get an application?
                                                            
The video store employee points to a sign on a window that
says CLOSING SOON. Alyssa gets even more disappointed.
                                                            
 
INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is at a grocery store, talking to an employee
scanning items at the counter.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hi, you wouldn't happen to be
looking for employees, would you?
Thanksgiving and Christmas are
around the corner. There's
probably gonna be a lot of
shoppers, possibly even during a
            (MORE)

34.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (cont'd)
recession.
                                                            
                       GROCERY STORE EMPLOYEE
I'll give you an application and,
if were interested, we'll get back
to you.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Okay, thanks.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa's room is filled with a a couple applications lying
on the floor. Currently she's filling one out. She goes on
the computer and goes onto Youtube. She sees a video called
I QUIT from Adrian Morris on Youtube. She gets curious about
it and clicks it.
                                                            
 
INT. I QUIT - REDVIEWS ILLUSTRATION - DAY
                                                            
Adrian is in a break room, holding a boom box. He looks at a
camera Ronald is holding. He smirks and goes to a table in
the break room. He holds up the boom box and presses play.
This gets the attention of the other employees in there, who
all look at him. A song modeled after IN YOUR EYES by Peter
Gabriel comes on.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (SINGING)
I can't stand this job anymore
It's disgusting
Makes me wanna puke
So I quit
I got another job
I quit
Sayonara Bob
I quit
I couldn't stand working here
anymore
I quit
                                                            
Security guards run in and chase Adrian out. Adrian runs for
his life and looks at the camera as he continues to be
chased by the guards.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Do you miss What I Just Saw? Don't
worry, WhatIJustSaw.com is
launching January 20th and will
include all your favorite episodes
plus Adrian's Advice Corner,
            (MORE)

35.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS (cont'd)
Cartoon Therapist, and all your
favorite skits. So don't forget,
January 20th will be the launch
date for WhatIJustSaw.Com.
                                                            
He runs past the camera followed by the security guards. One
of the security guards walks right up to the camera.
                                                            
                       REDVIEWS SECURITY GUARD
Turn that camera off. Now!
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa sighs deeply.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I wish I was able to do something
like that...
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' DINING ROOM - EVENING
                                                            
Alyssa, John, and John's family are having Thanksgiving
Dinner together.
                                                            
                       AUNT JANICE
So Alyssa, how've you been doing
lately?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
      (SARCASTICALLY)
Between having a dead end job I
hated, getting fired from that
job, and not finding any work,
just...great.
                                                            
John looks at her, SYMPATHETICALLY.
                                                            
 
EXT. PORT WASHINGTON SUBURB - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is walking a dog on a sidewalk. She passes by a
poster of her advertising herself with the headline ALYSSA'S
DOG WALKING SERVICES: HIRE ME TO WALK YOUR BABY underneath a
picture of her smiling wit a dog and her phone number
underneath it. Next to the poster is a christmas tree lying
down on the ground next to a trash can.
                                                            
 

36.

INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa walks into her room and sits down on her bed. She
looks into her wallet and sees the money she's made from
shoveling, only to see she's made $100. She sighs. She goes
on her computer and checks her email to see if she got any
job ofers. She gets disappointed when she sees there aren't
any. She goes on Youtube and sees a video in her
recommendations called WE WANT YOU FOR WHAT I JUST SAW. She
gets curious and clicks on it.
                                                            
 
INT. WE WANT YOU FOR WHAT I JUST SAW - LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Adrian is sitting in his living room, in a reclining chair,
wearing a white suit, crossing his legs while holding a
notepad in his hand, while playing THE CARTOON THERAPIST.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
What are you doing here? You're
not a cartoon.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Adrian is lying on his couch, in a PURPLE ROBE, playing his
character from ADRIAN'S ADVICE CORNER.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Usually I give advice but, ever
since What I Just Saw was kicked
off of Youtube, I don't know what
to do. I've considered suicide.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Well did you know that What I Just
Saw is coming back?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Adrian looks at "The Cartoon Therapist", whose OFF-SCREEN.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
What?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
That's right, WWW.WhatIJustSaw.Com
will be premiering January 28th.
And there's more. We want you to
join the website! If you're
interested, please email
            (MORE)

37.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS (cont'd)
Jimmie.Williams@WhatIJustSaw.com
and we'll announce the winners on
February 5th! So what are you
waiting for? I can't wait to say
your video is what I just saw.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa's surprised about this. She then thinks about joining
the site as a last ditch effort to make some money. She
looks at her collection of VHS's and DVD's. She gets up,
walks to her movie collection, and looks at all the cheesy
movies she has in the collection. She thinks about it for a
second and takes out the DVD for MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT
starring MARISA VAIDA, a B-Movie Actress. She stares it and
looks at her computer, wondering if she could start her own
review series on B-Movies.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa is watching the movie on her laptop, looking at it
intently, while she has a notepad right in front of her.
                                                            
 
INT. MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - HOUSE - DAY
                                                            
MARISA VAIDA is standing next to a middle aged man and
looking at a young kid named DAVID in a house.
                                                            
                       DAVID'S FATHER
Molly, this is my son, David.
David, this is Molly.
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
I didn't. Know. You had a. Son. I
shall compute that.
                                                            
                       DAVID'S FATHER
Oh you're so hilarious, Molly!
                                                            
                       DAVID
Are you sure she's joking?
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa starts writing down some material for the show.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            

38.

Alyssa is on the computer, writing the review. She stops for
a second and thinks about what to write next. Then she
starts writing again.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa sets her camera set up to face her chair. She presses
record on the camera. She sits down and sighs. Suddenly she
gets a lot more cheery and confident.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hello I'm Alyssa Michaels and
welcome to This Exists?! Yes, yes
it does.
                                                            
She takes out the VHS for MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
And I wanna talk about my favorite
actress, Marisa Vaida.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa is on her computer. She finishes editing the video
and then exports it. After it exports, she uploads it onto
Blip. After that, she copies and pastes the link to her
video, THIS EXISTS?! MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT and goes onto her
email. She types in Jimmie's email address and puts the
video in the email. She sends it and sighs, hoping it works
out.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING
                                                            
Adrian, Ronald, and Sanjay are sitting at Jimmie's table,
waiting for him. Jimmie comes in and opens the laptop on his
table.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Guess how much money the site
made?
                                                            
He looks up the site's analytics and it shows that it made
$100,000 on ad revenue and views, which surprises everyone.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Seriously?!
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Told ya it would work. Are you
ever gonna doubt me again?
                                                            

39.

                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I wouldn't say that but this is
awesome.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Also, don't worry, guys, your cuts
have been deposited in your bank
accounts. So let's celebrate by
watching some submissions!
                                                            
 
INT. THE PORN REVIEWER - THE ADDAMS ORGY - DAY
                                                            
BEN DERELICT, an internet reviewer with dwarfism, is sitting
on a couch in his Hugh Hefner getup, looking at the camera
seductively.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Hello, I'm the Porn Reviewer
and---.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Woah, why's that midget's voice so
deep? What is he, the offspring of
an Oompa Loompa and Kelsey
Grammer?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA (V.O.)
A.)Little People and B.)Shut Up.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
I may have a lot of kinks but
incest isn't one of them. But
apparently The Addams Family are
into incest.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Ben's friends, JEFF, MOLLY, DEREK, LISA, and GEORGE are
dressed as GOMEZ, MORTICIA, UNCLE FESTER, WEDNESDAY, and
PUGSLEY. They are also standing behind a wall.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Are you really surprised? We're
into a lot of weird shit.
                                                            
                       MOLLY
That's kind of our MO.
                                                            
 

40.

INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys all laugh except Jimmie, whose on his phone. He
gets surprised at something on his phone. He looks at
everyone.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
We have to put him on, he has
10,000 subscribers.
                                                            
 
INT. GAMING FAILS - 1941 THE VIDEO GAME - DAY
                                                            
PATRICK CHASE, a rather neurotic guy, is sitting on the
couch in his house, reviewing the video game version of
1941.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Y'know, Steven Spielberg has made
tons of great movies: Jaws, Close
Encounters, Indiana Jones, E.T.,
the list goes on. He also made
1941 and that sucked! But if you
think the movie is bad, the video
game is even worse! I mean,---!
                                                            
 
INT. 1941 THE VIDEO GAME - VIDEO GAME BATTLE FIELD - DAY
                                                            
An 8-bit military plane is continually shooting at an 8-bit
military tank on the ground.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE (V.O.)
It's an entire game made up of a
plane shooting one tank. That
makes the movie look exciting by
comparison!
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
All the guys laugh.
                                                            
 
INT. MELISSA EXAMINES CARTOONS - LAND BEFORE TIME 13 - DAY
                                                            
Melissa is sitting behind her drawings, reviewing THE LAND
BEFORE TIME 13.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Hi, I'm The Cartoon Reviewer and,
for my first episode, I'm going to
review The Land Before Time 13.
Yeah, they've made 13 Land Before
            (MORE)

41.

                       MELISSA PARKER (cont'd)
Time movies, yep yep yep.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys all laugh but Jimmie is unimpressed.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Meh.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
C'mon, Jimmie, that was cute.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Whatever, we can add her to make
our website less of a sausage
fest, I don't really give a shit.
                                                            
 
INT. HORROR MOVIE - CORNFIELD - NIGHT
                                                            
A masked killer stabs someone running away from them. The
person doesn't bleed at all. Then they start bleeding
everywhere. They scream.
                                                            
 
INT. HORRORHOUND REVIEWS - DAY
                                                            
THOMAS CARVER, a twentysomething deadpan horror reviewer, is
sitting on a chair in his bedroom, looking bored by the
movie.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Wow, I haven't seen such great
directing since Bela Lugosi
strangled himself with octopus
legs.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys all laugh.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS?! - MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is sitting in a chair, talking directly towards the
camera.
                                                            

42.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hello, I'm Alyssa Michaels and
welcome to This Exists?! Yes, yes
it does!
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Okay she's way hotter than the
other girl, I, uhh, don't think I
need to make a decision.
                                                            
Jimmie is about to press pause when Sanjay grabs his hand
and looks at him.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Don't you dare.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
What are you going to do?
                                                            
Sanjay looks at Adrian and Ronald.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Hey, who wants to vote on whether
or not we watch this video?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Okay. Okay. We can watch the dumb
video.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS?! - BOXING RING - DAY
                                                            
MARISA VAIDA, a twentysomething boxer/actress, is fighting
another woman in a boxing ring.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Marisa Vaida started off as a
world famous boxer---.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS?! - HIDDEN LEGENDS POSTER - DAY
                                                            
Marisa Vaida is in a Ninja Outfit, standing behind a red
background, looking out valiantly while the words HIDDEN
LEGENDS are underneath her.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
And then started her movie career
off with the Hidden Legends
movies---.
                                                            
 

43.

INT. THIS EXISTS?! MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - DAY
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
And became one of the greatest
B-Movie actresses of all time! No
matter what movie she's in, it'll
be gloriously bad! Of course with
movies like Hidden Legends, her
movies were usually bad action
movies but with My Stepmom's A
Robot, she proved that she can
make awful comedies too. Why?
Let's look at My Stepmom's A
Robot.
                                                            
 
INT. MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
We see Marisa dressed like a stereotypical 50's housewife,
about to cook breakfast for a man sitting down at a table.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
So we begin with Marisa being a
seemingly happy housewife when
suddenly...
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
Honey, how would you like. Your.
Eggs?
                                                            
                       HUSBAND
Scrambled please.
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
I shall compute scrambled eggs.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? -MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT -EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
So basically this man created a
robot that would be the perfect
wife. Score one for feminism!
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys, except for Jimmie, chuckle.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Great, she's a feminazi.
                                                            
 

44.

INT. MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
David and his friend are talking to Marisa. David's friend
looks bored.
                                                            
                       DAVID
Hey Molly, can Joey stay over?
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
I shall put it in my system that
Joey will stay over tonight and
prepare a bed for him.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
I love how the friend's like,
"Whatever, I guess that's how
people talk".
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys chuckle a bit more but Jimmie remains unimpressed.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? -MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Oh but don't worry, the movie's
not over yet. You know how the
movie ends? Like this.
                                                            
 
INT. MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT - KITCHEN - DAY
                                                            
Marisa is cooking food in the kitchen. She's looking at
David and his father.
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
Shall I make pancakes. For.
Everyone?
                                                            
                       DAVID
Pancakes sound delicious!
                                                            
Marisa smells something.
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
Uh oh. Smells like. Someone needs
an. Oil change.
                                                            

45.

Suddenly there is a robot baby in a high chair.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? -MY STEPMOM'S A ROBOT -EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Your eyes are not deceiving you,
the movie literally just implied
Molly and Dan had sex and somehow,
SOMEHOW, had a
half-human/half-baby robot
together. This is too amazing that
I---I'm not even gonna question
it. And honestly, that's all I
want in my Marisa Vaida movies:
action, comedy, bad acting, and
scripts that make less sense than
people letting Uwe Boll adapt
their video games into movies. So
what the hell are you doing? It
exists and you should go watch it.
                                                            
The screen pauses.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - EVENING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The guys all laugh but Jimmie is just bored.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I say we bring her in.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Ehh, video was just okay but I
agree. She's hot and almost
everyone else has been white as
fuck so it'll make us look good to
have a girl who looks to be black
or muslim or whatever in there so,
yeah, let's include her.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa wakes up and goes on the computer. She checks to see
how many views she got on her video and she sees she only
has about 100, which upsets her. She looks at the analytics
and sees she only got about $10 in ad revenue, which upsets
her more. She goes on her email and then sees a message from
WhatIJustSaw.com. She gets intrigued by the email, clicks on
it, and reads it. It says

HELLO, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU SUBMITTED A VIDEO TO

46.

WHATIJUSTSAW.COM. WE WATCHED YOUR VIDEO AND, AFTER CAREFUL
CONSIDERATION, HAVE DECIDED YOU SHOULD BE A CONTRIBUTOR ON
OUR WEBSITE. CONGRATULATIONS AND WELCOME TO
WHATIJUSTSAW.COM. She can't believe what she's seeing. Then
she starts to get really excited.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Dad! Dad!
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' LIVING ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
John is having breakfast downstairs. Alyssa runs in,
excited.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Dad, I've got great news.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
What is it, honey?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I have a new job.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
That's terrific! What are you
doing?!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
This website has hired me to do
videos for them.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Well, I'm happy for you, I hope it
works out.
                                                            
Alyssa smiles at him, HOPEFUL.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Me too.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is excitedly reading a document that contains
information about the site and lists its rules and
regulations. She sees a rule that says "you are not
contracted or employed by WhatIJustSaw, your videos will
just be embedded on your site. Therefore you will not be
paid for your videos". Suddenly she gets discouraged,
knowing she doesn't have a job after all.
                                                            

47.

Alyssa reads more of the rules and regulations until she
sees a section that says "All Company Policy is Laid Out in
this Link: Coming Soon. All questions will be addressed to
Ronald Morris. Any concerns or issues with the company can
be addressed with Ronald Morris or (in case of emergencies)
Jimmie Williams". Alyssa gets confused by this.
                                                            
Alyssa thinks about it. She looks at the document and sees
Ronald and Jimmie's phone numbers. She takes out her cell
phone and calls Ronald.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
Hi, this is Ronald Morris, I'm not
here right now but you can leave
me a message after the beep.
                                                            
The phone beeps. She sighs then calls Jimmie.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Jimmie is sitting on a couch in his living room, watching
THE APPRENTICE.
                                                            
                       DONALD TRUMP (V.O.)
Omarosa, you're fired!
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yes Trump! Fire that bitch!
                                                            
Jimmie's cell phone rings. He quickly picks it up.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Hello?
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey, this is Alyssa, I'm one of
the new contributors on
WhatIJustSaw.Com.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Oh yeah, the hot black girl.
                                                            
Alyssa is a little weirded out by that but quickly shakes it
off.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Anyway, what do you want?
                                                            

48.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I had a question: I saw that your
company policy is "coming soon".
Do you know when it's coming?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
I dunno.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Well, do you think the company
policy on paying your contributors
might change?
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Jimmie goes from being indifferent to annoyed, irritated
that someone, especially a woman, dare ask him about how
he's running his business.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
What do you mean?
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Will you start paying your
contributors in the future?
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
This questions pisses off Jimmie and he snaps.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
      (ANGRY)
No, I don't! You are not our
employee, we just host your
videos, that's it! We are not
paying you and don't you dare feel
like we should!
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa gets really scared about this, unsure of what to do.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Okay, okay, I was just asking.
                                                            

49.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
      (ANGRY)
Well don't ask again,
troublemaker! Okay. Now I have to
go. Bye.
                                                            
He hangs up. Alyssa sits there in shock, in disbelief as to
what just happened. She puts her phone down, UPSET,
wondering if she should even stay with the website after
Jimmie's outburst.
                                                            
 
EXT. THE MICHAELS' HOUSE - MORNING
                                                            
The sun is shining and everything looks normal outside.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa is on the computer. She sighs and looks up
WhatIJustSaw's website. She sees that her video for My
Stepmom's A Robot is up, which surprises her. She goes onto
Youtube and sees that she now has 800 views. This surprises
her even more. She then goes onto her Youtube analytics and
sees that she got $300 from the video. This really surprises
her.
                                                            
 
INT. THE MICHAELS' KITCHEN - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa is washing dishes along with her Dad.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
So are you still going to work
with that website, ever since you
know---?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Gotta be honest, little conflicted
on that. I appreciate the fact
that I have more viewers now but I
don't know if I want to work with
someone like that.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
Maybe things will get better.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Maybe.
                                                            
 

50.

INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa is on her computer, looking up the stats for her
video. Alyssa sees that she now has 1,600 views, which
surprises her. She then checks how much money she's getting
from it and sees she's getting about $800. She leans down
and thinks about it some more. She sighs. She thinks about
it a bit more and decides to stay on. She smiles.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
                                                            
Alyssa is sitting on her bed, watching a movie called NINJA
BABIES, while the DVD for the movie, which has 3 babies in
ninja clothes, is lying on the bed. She's taking notes.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
That's obviously a little person
wearing a diaper with the main
character's head superimposed over
his. That makes me feel really
sorry for the little person. Ooh,
that's a good idea for a joke! I
can just see what he's thinking:
"I have to do stunt work for a
baby?! I am so firing my agent!"
                                                            
She gleefully writes down that joke.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS?! - NINJA BABIES - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa is sitting in the same spot she was sitting at
before, now reviewing NINJA BABIES.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Ninja Babies. Just...Ninja Babies!
This exists?! Yes, yes it does!
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS?! - YOUTUBE ANALYTICS - DAY
                                                            
The Ninja Babies video has about 12,000 views and has made
Alyssa $700.
                                                            
 
INT. SPY DOG - MUSEUM - NIGHT
                                                            
A dog walks to a man holding a document in his mouth.
                                                            

51.

                       SPY DOG ACTOR
Is that the right document, boy?
                                                            
Spy Dog spits out the document.
                                                            
                       SPY DOG
It sure is.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - SPY DOG - DAY
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Y'know, that document will
probably have dog drool all over
it. Oh Spy Dog!
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - YOUTUBE ANALYTICS PAGE - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
SPY DOG has 23,000 views and has made Alyssa $1,200 dollars.
                                                            
 
INT. MY NANNY'S A MERMAID - UPSCALE RESTAURANT - NIGHT
                                                            
Marisa Vaida is in an upscale restaurant with a guy and her
daughter. A waiter is taking their order.
                                                            
                       WAITER
Tonight we have a lobster special.
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
You murderers! I mean, I'm not
interested. Now I'm going to clean
my gills I mean face.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - MY NANNY'S A MERMAID - DAY
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I can just imagine the writers
thinking, just overreacting to a
lobster doesn't necessarily mean
someone's a mermaid so let's add a
line about her having gills!
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - YOUTUBE ANALYTICS PAGE - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
The video for MY NANNY'S A MERMAID has 25,000 views and has
made Alyssa $3,000 dollars.
                                                            
 

52.

INT. MOVIE THEATER - EVENING
                                                            
Thomas Carver is standing behind a counter in a movie
theater, looking bored. Another movie theater employee walks
up to him.
                                                            
                       MOVIE THEATER EMPLOYEE
Hey Thomas, Greg's on break, can
you please clean up Benjamin
Button?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Sure.
                                                            
 
INT. MOVIE THEATER - BENJAMIN BUTTON - EVENING
                                                            
The theater for Benjamin Button is messy, with popcorn,
snacks, and drinks all over the seats. Thomas walks in with
a broom and dustpan and can't believe the mess.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
How could there be this many
people at Benjamin Button? It came
out three months ago!
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Thomas's apartment is small, dingy, and not in the best
shape. His kitchen is the first thing you walk into. His
laptop is on his kitchen table. He walks in, sits down on
the kitchen table, and opens up his laptop and goes on
WhatIJustSaw.Com. He sees that Alyssa has a new video called
THIS EXISTS? - DRAGON HUNTER. He clicks on it.
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - DRAGON HUNTER - DAY
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
On this show, we've talked about
Marisa Vaida's comedy films but
she was at her best when she did
martial arts movies. But what if
she made a martial arts fantasy
movie? I'm talking about Dragon
Hunters.
                                                            
 
INT. DRAGON HUNTER - MEDIEVAL TOWN - MORNING
                                                            
MARISA VAIDA is walking around in a forest while sets that
are clearly from a Renaissance Fair are behind her and

53.

people are wearing cheap medieval costumes. Marisa herself
is walking around in a princess costume that looks like
something from PARTY CITY.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Nice to see their local ren fair
gave them permission to film.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Thomas laughs.
                                                            
 
INT. DRAGON HUNTER - MEDIEVAL TOWN - MORNING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       MARISA VAIDA
      (TERRIBLE BRITISH
       ACCENT)
What shall be on the shedule
ta-day?!
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - DRAGON HUNTER - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Marisa Vaida's British Accent is
amazing-ly awful. This exists?
Yes, yes it does. As does this
scene.
                                                            
 
INT. DRAGON HUNTER - EERIE FOREST - NIGHT
                                                            
Marisa is using martial arts to fight knights while still
dressed in a medieval dress.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Thomas laughs. After laughing, he smiles and thinks about
contacting Alyssa. He goes on his email and finds the email
Jimmie had sent everyone. He sees Alyssa's email address,
Alyssa123@gmail.com and starts writing an email.
                                                            
 
INT. COFFEE SHOP - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa and Margaret are sitting at a table, drinking coffee
together.
                                                            

54.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey Margaret, you know that
website I work for?
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Yeah?
                                                            
Alyssa takes out her cell phone.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I got an email from Thomas Carver,
the guy who does Horrorhound
Reviews, and he wrote "Dear
Alyssa, I really love your
reviews. Can we talk over Skype?
I'd love to work together". Do you
think I should take it?
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Ehh, why not? These people are
technically your co-workers, you
might as well meet them.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
That's true.
                                                            
She sees Ben and a few of his friends, JEFF, MOLLY, and
DEREK, sitting at another table, talking.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Speaking of the website, you won't
believe it.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
What?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You see that guy over there?
Talking to his friends? He's also
on the website.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
No way.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Yeah.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Ben and his friends are having a blast while they talk about
their new film, UNDERCOVER HOOKER COP.
                                                            

55.

                       BEN DERELICT
So I was thinking, the villain
should be the most evil pimp of
all time. And the movie can even
begin with him murdering one of
the prostitutes.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Oh my god, that would be the
perfect opening!
                                                            
Alyssa and Margaret walk up to them, which suddenly gets
Ben's attention.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Hey, I know you from somewhere.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I'm Alyssa Michaels, the host of
This Exists?!
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Holy shit, you live in the city?!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Long Island actually. But it's
nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
You too.
                                                            
Alyssa and Margaret take chairs from another table and sit
down.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
What brings you to the city?
                                                            
                       MARGARET
We heard this place was amazing
and had to try it out.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Yeah, the coffee here's great!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I hope we weren't interrupting
anything.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
What? You're fine! Also I should
probably introduce you to my
friends. Alyssa, this is Jeff,
Derek, and this is my muse, my
Lisa Marie/Helena Bonham Carter,
            (MORE)

56.

                       BEN DERELICT (cont'd)
my girlfriend, Molly.
                                                            
                       MOLLY
Nice to meet you.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You too.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
I'm Margaret, nice to meet you
guys.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Pleasure is all mine. We were just
discussing our plans for my next
movie, Undercover Hooker Cop.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You make movies?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Of course, whenever I'm not
reviewing porn, were either doing
my other series, Jeff & Derek Do
Things, or were making
exploitation movies. Were
currently planning to do one
called Undercover Hooker Cop.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Wow, awesome. I'm guessing it's
about a cop that goes undercover
as a prostitute?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Nah, it's about a cop whose also a
prostitute who is investigating
the murder of several prostitutes.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Okay, sounds interesting, sounds
really...trashy.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Guilty as charged.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa is on her laptop, talking to Thomas on Skype.
                                                            

57.

                       THOMAS CARVER
Hey thanks for getting back to me.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
No problem. What's up?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
I just wanted to get to know you
better, I love your stuff.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Well thank you.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Yeah, it always makes me feel
better after a long day at work.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I know that feeling. Those cheesy
B-movies I review? Whenever I'm
feeling down, I always pop one in
to make myself feel better.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Yeah, laughing at people's hard
work is hilarious.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
It's kind've our job.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
True.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Honestly, though, those crappy
movies have helped me out a lot.
Whenever I felt exhausted by my
job, I just sit down, put one on,
and enjoy the show.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
I know what you mean. I work at a
movie theater and I just find it
so exhausting sometimes.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Why? Difficult Customers? Gross
things to clean up?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Always something to do. Something
that makes me wonder,---.
                                                            

58.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Is this where my life is heading?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
It's just not what I want to do.
You know what I really want to do?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
What?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
I'll show you. Here's a clip from
my next review---.
                                                            
 
INT. CAMP DEATH - BUNKER - NIGHT
                                                            
Two twentysomething counselors are stripped to their
underwear, about to have sex.
                                                            
                       CAMP COUNSELOR
You think it's a good idea to have
sex when Damien might be out
killing people?
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - CAMP DEATH - DAY
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Gee, considering how these movies
usually go, what do you think?
                                                            
He looks at the camera.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
We see the back of Thomas's head, as he looks at a TV with a
picture of the characters from CAMP DEATH on it.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Thomas looks at them unamused.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
We just see the TV with the picture on it.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Thomas, whose face is now in a CLOSE-UP, looks REALLY
unamused. Allysa laughs.
                                                            
 

59.

INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
That's awesome!
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Yeah, I really want to be an
editor.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey, I was thinking of reviewing a
movie called Reincatnated. Maybe
you could edit the review?
                                                            
 
INT. THIS EXISTS? - REINCATNATED - DAY
                                                            
MR. KITTY, a stuffed cat, is sitting in the spot Alyssa
usually sits in, talking to the camera.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Hi, I'm Mr. Kitty and I'm going to
be taking over for Alyssa today.
Why?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
SPLIT SCREEN:

LEFT - INT. THIS EXISTS? - REINCATNATED - DAY, RIGHT - INT.
- BASEMENT - DAY

MR. KITTY continues to review the movie as Alyssa wakes up
in a basement, realizes she just woke up in a strange place,
and then tries to get out of the basement only to realize
the door has been locked.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Because we're going to be
reviewing a movie called
Reincatnated. This exists? Yes,
yes it does.
                                                            
The screen pauses.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Alyssa looks at Thomas, who she's talking to on the
computer.
                                                            

60.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I love it. Hey, do you want to
watch The Last Dragon?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Does blonde hair not suit William
H. Macy?
                                                            
 
INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa, Ben, Derek, Jeff, and Molly all walk out of a movie
theater. Ben and Molly are holding hands, flirting with each
other.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Why do you always make me go see
kids movies?! If I see one more
group of talking animals throw a
dance party at the end, I'm gonna
go fucking nuts!
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Because it's funny how angry you
get at them.
                                                            
                       JEFF
It's not funny!
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
At least you didn't have to sit
through Dragonball Evolution. Man
was that a piece of shit!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
It was pretty bad.
                                                            
                       JEFF
Did it have an armadillo putting
on sunglasses and saying "Can't
Touch This"?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
That's more accurate to Dragonball
than Dragonball Evolution was!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey Ben, how's your movie going?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Fine, thanks for asking.
                                                            

61.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
You're welcome. Anyway, you know
Thomas? The Horrorhound Reviews
guy? He helped edit my
Reincatnated video, maybe he can
edit your movie.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
I actually need some help editing
the next Porn Reviewer episode. If
he does that, I'll consider it.
                                                            
 
INT. GREMLINS PORNO - SEEDY BAR - NIGHT
                                                            
A lady is standing at a pool table, giving a suggestive look
to a Gremlin puppet.
                                                            
                       PORN ACTRESS
You sure you want to destroy the
bar? You don't want to fuck me
instead?
                                                            
 
INT. THE PORN REVIEWER - GREMLINS PORNO - DAY
                                                            
Ben is sitting in his usual spot, reviewing a GREMLINS
PORNO.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Of course, when all else fails,
turn to, uhh, would it count as
bestiality?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Ben, in a CLOSE-UP that's in BLACK AND WHITE, raises his
eyebrow suggestively while an instrumental version of
CARELESS WHISPER plays on in the background.
                                                            
 
INT. BEN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Ben is sitting on a couch, watching the footage on his
computer and talking to Thomas on Skype.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
That was awesome! Dude, I'd love
it if you could edit Undercover
Hooker Cop!
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Great!
                                                            
 

62.

INT. THOMAS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Thomas is at his table, eating a pizza, when suddenly he
sees a message from Melissa. He clicks on it and it says HEY
THOMAS, I'M DOING A REVIEW OF TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE IN TIME
FOR REVENGE OF THE FALLEN AND NEED SOMEONE TO EDIT A SCENE
WHERE I TALK TO OPTIMUS PRIME. CAN YOU HELP ME? ALSO DO YOU
NEED SOME ARTWORK FOR YOUR SHOW? Thomas cocks his eyebrow at
this.
                                                            
 
EXT. MARGARET'S APARTMENT - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa, Margaret, and her father are walking towards
Margaret's apartment, holding boxes.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
I can't believe it, my baby girl
is finally moving out of the nest.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I knew you'd say that.
                                                            
                       JOHN MICHAELS
I'm just proud of you, that's
all...
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S NEW ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
There are boxes all over the place. Alyssa is sitting on her
bed. Margaret is standing at her door.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Hey Alyssa, thanks for moving in
with me.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Thank your roommate for moving
out.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
I won't do that.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I'm just kidding, any time.
Listen, I'm gonna start unpacking.
                                                            
                       MARGARET
Okay, I'll be in the other room if
you need anything.
                                                            

63.

Margaret leaves. Alyssa's phone suddenly rings. She sees she
has a skype call from Thomas. She answers it and Thomas is
sitting in his room.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Hey Alyssa, how's the move going?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Fine, thank you.
                                                            
She turns the phone to the room to give Thomas a better look
at the place.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
This is my room.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Wow, looks nice.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Trust me, it'll look better soon.
Now that I have you, can I ask a
favor from you?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
What?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I was thinking of doing a Mr.
Kitty spin-off, one where he just
reviews whatever he wants to
review. Can you edit the episodes
for me?
                                                            
 
INT. MR. KITTY PRESENTS - DON'T SMOKE, NOT COOL - DAY
                                                            
Mr. Kitty, still a stuffed animal with the voice of Alyssa,
is sitting where Alyssa usually sits during her reviews.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Hi, I'm Mr. Kitty, and welcome to
Mr. Kitty Presents. And you know?
I don't think anti-smoking ads are
cool enough. But how can they be
cooler?
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
There is now a CLOSE-UP of Mr. Kitty's face while the sound
of a TICKING CLOCK plays on in the background.
                                                            

64.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Hmm...
                                                            
 
INT. DON'T SMOKE, NOT COOL - BEACH - DAY
                                                            
A guy is lying on a beach, He takes out a cigarette when
suddenly three stereotypical rappers come out and start
dancing around him.
                                                            
                       RAPPERS
      (SINGING)
Don't smoke, not cool! It makes
you look like a fool!
                                                            
The video pauses.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (O.S.)
Perfect.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - MORNING
                                                            
Jimmie sees that Ben has uploaded a video called JEFF &
DEREK DO THINGS-JEFF & DEREK GO ON THE TRAMPOLINE. He
uploads it on his website. He then sees that Alyssa has
uploaded a video called MR. KITTY PRESENTS DON'T SMOKE, NOT
COOL. Suddenly Jimmie gets a little pissed. He sighs and
takes out his cell phone.
                                                            
 
INT. GYM - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa is taking a spin class with Margaret. She hears her
phone vibrating and quickly walks out of the class.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Alyssa walks out of the class, where everyone is on the
machines, working out. She sees that Jimmie is calling. She
quickly answers it.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hello?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Hey troublemaker, listen, you're
not supposed to create new shows
unless you ask for permission.
                                                            

65.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I thought that was only if you
were creating a show with a
friend.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
No, that's all the time. So you
have to ask Ron for permission
before we can put up your show,
okay?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Umm...alright...
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Okay, bye.
                                                            
He hangs up. Alyssa dials Ronald's number.
                                                            
 
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
                                                            
Ronald is shopping when he suddenly gets a call. He picks up
the phone.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Hello?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
Hey Ronald, I created a new show
called Mr. Kitty Presents. Is it
okay if I upload it to
WhatIJustSaw.com?
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Yeah, sure, why are you asking me?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
It's just that Jimmie said I
needed your permission.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Really? I haven't heard anything
like that. Buy yeah, you can make
a new show, whatever. Bye now.
                                                            
He quickly hangs up the phone.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
God these children can be
annoying.
                                                            
Suddenly the phone rings again and he picks it up.
                                                            

66.

                       RONALD MORRIS
Whose this?
                                                            
                       INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Hi, I'd like to talk to Adrian.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
If you're a producer, Adrian's not
in charge of the site, you're
asking the wrong guy.
                                                            
                       INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
No, you don't understand, I don't
work for you guys, I'm from a
maga---.
                                                            
Ronald hangs up.
                                                            
 
INT. GYM - MORNING - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa is confused as to what just happened.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (V.O.)
You won't believe what I went
through to get the video on the
website.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S NEW ROOM - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa is showing Thomas the MR. KITTY video for DON'T
SMOKE, NOT COOL, which is now on the website. Thomas is
talking to her through Skype.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
What?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Jimmie called me and was, like,
you can't upload another show
without our permission, talk to
Ron about it. And I called Ron and
he had no idea what I was talking
about.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
No?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Yeah!
                                                            

67.

                       THOMAS CARVER
Between this and him snapping at
you, Jimmie seems like such a
dick!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
He is. But, let's not worry about
him, after all his website is
helping me get paid so I'll just
let it go and hope I don't have to
endure his crap again. And---.
                                                            
Thomas and Alyssa get a call on Skype from PATRICK. Alyssa
and Thomas are surprised that Patrick is calling them.
Thomas answers the call and suddenly Patrick, whose also in
his room, has joined the conversation.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Hey Thomas, Hey Alyssa, it's me
Patrick, from Gaming Fails. It's
nice to meet you.
                                                            
Thomas and Alyssa say "you too" in unison.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
I hope you don't find it weird I
got your number, I called Ben, he
asked me about it.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
You know Ben?
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Yeah, nice guy. Anyway, I'm doing
a review of a video game called
Invaders from Mars and I really
need someone to work on editing
the scene where I talk to the
aliens from the game and he told
me your good at stuff like that
so, I was wondering, could you
help me?
                                                            
 
INT. GAMING FAILS - INVADERS FROM MARS - DAY
                                                            
Patrick is sitting at his usual spot, reviewing INVADERS
FROM MARS.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
I'm sorry, I hate this game, and
if anyone disagrees with that,
they can strike me down right now!
                                                            

68.

                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
An 8-bit spaceship flies in near the roof of Patrick's
house.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Patrick looks up, SCARED.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Patrick looks down and the spaceship suddenly blasts him to
bits until there's nothing left but SMOKE on his chair.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
I don't regret what I said one
bit.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S COMPUTER - SKYPE - DAY
                                                            
Thomas is talking to Melissa on Skype, as she shows him her
title card for his review of OBSESSIVE LOVER, where Thomas
looks at a woman whose smiling evily at him while holding a
pair of scissors. Both of them are sitting in their rooms.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
I love it.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Really? Thanks.
                                                            
Patrick calls them. Thomas picks it up and Patrick, whose
also in his room, joins the conversation.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Hey guys.
                                                            
Thomas and Melissa say "Hey" in unison.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Look at the title card Melissa
made me.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Wow, that's awesome!
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Thanks.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
You know, Melissa, I'm making a
review of the Bebe's Kids game
soon, can you do a title card for
            (MORE)

69.

                       PATRICK CHASE (cont'd)
me?
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
I'd love to!
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
That's great. And, if you want, I
know a lot of reviewers and
businesses that are looking for
artists. I can promote your stuff
for them if you want.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Thanks, that would be great. And
I'll get the title card to you as
soon as possible.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Jimmie, Sanjay, Ronald, and Adrian are sitting at a table at
Jimmie's apartment, talking about what to do next for the
website.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
So the website is getting off to a
good start. But I think we could
do more---.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
We should add more people to the
website.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Why? I don't even understand why
we have contributors in the first
place, this is really just
Adrian's website anyway.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
To build up interest. We have
obviously inspired people to make
their own video reviews, if
there's a chance they can be on
our website, then they'll keep
watching Adrian's videos and be
inspired to produce more content
in the hopes that, one day, they
will meet and work with Adrian
            (MORE)

70.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (cont'd)
Morris.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
That does make a lot of sense.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Exactly. Our website's getting off
to a beautiful start, but this is
just the beginning, and things are
just gonna get better from here on
out---.
                                                            
Jimmie smiles at Sanjay. Sanjay then smiles back at him. He
looks at Ronald and Adrian and they smile, happy to know
that it seems like their new careers are going to work out.
                                                            
 
INT. SHITTY SONGS - FALLTIME HONEYS - DAY
                                                            
Rich Donner, an ABRASIVE GUY who reviews bad songs, is
sitting in his room, reviewing FALLTIME HONEYS, a pop song
from the late 90's.
                                                            
                       RICH DONNER
Welcome to Shitty Songs and man oh
man was music crappy back in the
late 90's! N'Sync, Backstreet
Boys, Britney Spears, they all
motherfucking sucked! But no song
was as bad as Falltime Honeys.
                                                            
 
INT. FALLTIME HONEYS MUSIC VIDEO - PARK - DAY
                                                            
A boy band is walking in a park as a bunch of attractive
women pass them by.
                                                            
                       BOY BAND MEMBER
      (SINGING)
The moon landing was faked
Dr. Pepper's delicious
E.T. Phone Home
Phone Home
And there's nothing
that I like more
Nothing more suculent
Than Falltime Honeys
In the falltime
                                                            
 

71.

INT. SHITTY SONGS - FALLTIME HONEYS - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Richie is confused at what he's watching.
                                                            
                       RICH DONNER
What the hell's this?!
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Jimmie, Sanjay, Ronald, and Adrian laugh at that.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Look at this, guys, he's got
20,000 subscribers, we're
definitely putting him on.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S COMPUTER - SKYPE - DAY
                                                            
Thomas is talking to Rich on Skype.
                                                            
                       RICH DONNER
Hey, I'm doing a review for the
video for We Built This City.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Oof.
                                                            
                       RICH DONNER
And I was wondering, can you help
me edit the scene where I get
horrified at the singing Lincoln?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Of course.
                                                            
 
INT. ONLY THE GOOD THINGS - THE IRON GIANT - DAY
                                                            
CHUCK LANCASTER, a reviewer who focuses on reviewing good
movies, TV shows, and other pop culture media, is sitting in
his room, which looks tidy and neat, while he reviews THE
IRON GIANT.
                                                            
                       CHUCK LANCASTER
Welcome to Only the Good Things,
where I review media that's either
beloved or underappreciated and
talk about what's good about them.
Unfortunately The Iron Giant
wasn't a hit when it first came
out, which is sad because it is
definitely an underappreciated
            (MORE)

72.

                       CHUCK LANCASTER (cont'd)
gem.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Jimmie's bored by the video while Sanjay, Adrian, and Ronald
look intrigued.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
This guy has 30,000 subscribers?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I like that he's focusing on more
positive stuff, it's a nice change
of pace.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Whatever, he's got a fanbase, he's
in.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S COMPUTER - SKYPE - DAY
                                                            
Thomas is now talking to Chuck on Skype.
                                                            
                       CHUCK LANCASTER
Thank you for editing the scene
where I wait for them to say "Game
Over, Man" for my Aliens review.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
No problem.
                                                            
                       CHUCK LANCASTER
No, really, thank you. I will
always remember this. Buddy, you
will always be in my mind and my
heart.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Okay, sure...
                                                            
 
INT. RETRO GAMES - SHOPPING MADNESS - DAY
                                                            
JEAN DUPARDIEU, a french reviewer, is in his room, reviewing
an old game from the 80's called SHOPPING MADNESS.
                                                            
                       JEAN DUPARDIEU
Bonjour, mon nom est Jean
Dupardieu et bienvenue a retro
jeux or my name is Jean Dupardieu
and welcome to retro games. In its
            (MORE)

73.

                       JEAN DUPARDIEU (cont'd)
infancy, some of the dullest video
games were produced. Such is the
case with Shopping Madness.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Sanjay, Jimmie, Adrian, and Ronald are all circling around
the laptop, watching Jean's video.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
I'm not sure about the whole
french thing but he's popular so
he's on.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S COMPUTER - SKYPE - DAY
                                                            
Thomas is talking to Jean on Skype.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Okay bud, I'm done editing the
scene where Pac and Mrs. Pac Man
argue.
                                                            
                       JEAN DUPARDIEU
Merci beaucop.
                                                            
Thomas is confused. Jean realizes this.
                                                            
                       JEAN DUPARDIEU
Thank you very much. You wouldn't
believe it but, when I say thank
you very much, that actually
confuses my students more than
merci beaucop.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Your students?
                                                            
                       JEAN DUPARDIEU
I teach english.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Oh.
                                                            
 
INT. RON'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Ron is looking at Melissa's website, where she posts her
artwork. He has scrolled to the bottom, where her phone
number is. He takes out his cell phone and calls her.
                                                            

74.

                       RONALD MORRIS
Hey Jimmie asked me if you
wouldn't mind making the DVD cover
for What I Just Saw Season 1.
                                                            
 
EXT. RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Melissa is outside, painting wine glasses on the window of a
restaurant while talking to Ron on the phone.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Umm sure...no problem.
                                                            
 
INT. SANJAY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Sanjay is looking at his bank account on his laptop. He sees
he has made $3,000, but is surprisingly depressed about it.
Jimmie calls him and Sanjay answers his phone.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Hey bud, did you see the money you
got from the DVD sales?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Yeah, just out of curiosity, did
Melissa get a cut?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Why would we do that?
                                                            
Sanjay can't believe what he's hearing.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Jimmie is looking on Melissa's website and sees that she is
selling the artwork for WHAT I JUST SAW SEASON 1, which is
Adrian looking off into the distance while, in the
background, Adrian, dressed as The Cartoon Therapist, is
sitting on a lounge chair and, next to him, Adrian is also
in a robe, giving a winking nod. Jimmie gets infuriated by
this. He calls Melissa on his cell phone.
                                                            
 
INT. ART GALLERY - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Melissa is standing at the receptionist disk at an art
gallery, waiting for customers to come in. She hears her
phone buzz, gets nervous, and looks at an employee whose
off-screen.
                                                            

75.

                       MELISSA PARKER
Hey Andie, I have to use the
bathroom, can you stand at my desk
for a few minutes?
                                                            
ANDIE, Melissa's GIRLFRIEND, walks towards her.
                                                            
                       ANDIE
Sure.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Thanks Babe.
                                                            
Andie and Melissa kiss.
                                                            
 
INT. ART GALLERY - BATHROOM - AFTERNOON
                                                            
Melissa walks into the bathroom and answers the phone.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Hello?
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Hey Melissa, who gave you the
right to sell our artwork?
                                                            
 
INT. ART GALLERY - BATHROOM - AFTERNOON - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
I'm sorry?
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
You know damn well what I'm
talking about, I see you selling
the DVD cover on your website.
                                                            
 
INT. ART GALLERY - BATHROOM - AFTERNOON - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
I'm sorry, I didn't know it
belonged to you!
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Yeah? Well don't do it again!
                                                            

76.

He hangs up. Melissa is SHOCKED at what just happened.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S APARTMENT - MORNING
                                                            
Thomas is on his computer, happy to be talking to his
friends.
                                                            
 
INT. THOMAS'S COMPUTER - SKYPE - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa, Thomas, Ben, Melissa, Patrick, Rich, Chuck, and Jean
are all talking together on Skype.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Could you believe it? Adrian made
ANOTHER video so he could get the
top spot.
                                                            
Alyssa goes on WhatIJustSaw.com and the top video is
SHITTY-ASS HOLIDAY, which has a thumbnail where Adrian in a
santa hat and tuxedo, holding a cane. Everyone but Ben and
Melissa groan.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Well, it is HIS website.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Still, if you're going to add all
these contributors, it would make
more sense to promote THEIR work
once in a while.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
I'm personally just happy to be on
the site myself.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Hey guys, I hate to cut everything
short but can I just talk to
Alyssa alone?
                                                            
Everyone says "sure" in unison.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Alright, bye guys.
                                                            
They all say "bye" in unison. Then everyone hangs up, except
for Ben.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Before I leave, I just wanted to
say that Undercover Hooker Cop is
gonna be released next month.
            (MORE)

77.

                       BEN DERELICT (cont'd)
Thanks again for editing it.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
No problem.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Okay. Bye now.
                                                            
Ben hangs up. Alyssa smiles and looks at Thomas
SUGGESTIVELY.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey babe, guess what's on TV?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
What?
                                                            
Alyssa turns to her TV and puts COMMANDO SANTA on.
                                                            
 
INT. COMMANDO SANTA - DARK ALLEYWAY - NIGHT
                                                            
A BIG, INTIMIDATING GUY with a Santa hat on is pointing his
gun to two villains off camera while two adorable children
look at him.
                                                            
                       CUTESY CHILD
Commando Santa, what are you gonna
do?
                                                            
                       COMMANDO SANTA
I'm gonna deck their halls to
hell.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER (O.S.)
Oh my god, you just reviewed that!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS (O.S.)
I know!
                                                            
 
INT. STATEN ISLAND FERRY STATION - MORNING
                                                            
Alyssa is sitting at a table at the Staten Island Ferry
Station, waiting for Thomas. Suddenly she sees a group of
people walking into the station. Thomas walks out from
amongst the crowd. Alyssa gets really excited and stands up.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I can't believe it's you!
                                                            
She runs toward him. They hug and kiss.
                                                            
 

78.

INT. CHURCH - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa and Thomas, now dressed in nice clothes, watch
happily with other wedding guests as Ben and Molly are now
at the altar, facing a priest as they get married.
                                                            
                       PRIEST
Benjamin Derelict, do you take
Molly Harsen to be your lawfully
wedded wife, to have and to hold,
from this day forward, for better
or for worse, for richer, for
poorer, in sickness and in health,
until death do you part?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
I do.
                                                            
                       PRIEST
And do you, Molly Harsen, take
Benjamin Derelict to be your
lawfully wedded husband, to have
and to hold, from this day
forward, for better or for worse,
for richer, for poorer, in
sickness and in health, until
death do you part?
                                                            
                       MOLLY
I do.
                                                            
                       PRIEST
If anyone has any objections as to
why these two should not be
married, speak now or forever hold
your peace.
                                                            
He pauses for a second.
                                                            
                       PRIEST
If not, I now pronounce you man
and wife. You may kiss the bride.
                                                            
Molly and Ben kiss as the audience clap.
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
 
INT. WEDDING PARTY - NIGHT
                                                            
Ben is talking to Thomas and Alyssa at a table their sitting
at, with Molly by his side.
                                                            

79.

                       BEN DERELICT
Oh my god, I can't believe you
made it!
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Of course, man, it's nice to see
you.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Yeah, you too.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
I also have someone who wants to
wish congratulations to the happy
bride and groom.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Who?
                                                            
Thomas takes his cell phone out and Rich, Chuck, Melissa,
Jean, and Patrick are all on Skype. They all say in unison
"Hey Ben!"
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Oh my god, hey guys!
                                                            
                       RICH DONNER
Hey man, congratulations on
getting married! I bet you can't
wait until you get to the
honeymoon suite and fuck her all
night long, can you?!
                                                            
Ben laughs at that while everyone else chuckles nervously.
                                                            
                       CHUCK LANCASTER
Seriously, congratulations!
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Thanks man! I hope it works out!
                                                            
                       CHUCK LANCASTER
It will work out! I believe in
you! I. Believe. In You.
                                                            
                       MOLLY
Well thank you.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Hey, I got a surprise for you
guys. Yo Adrian!
                                                            

80.

Adrian, Ronald, and Sanjay walk over. Everyone gets so
excited.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
No!
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Yeah, ever since we did that
review for the Tom Sawyer porno
together, we've been the best of
friends.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Oh my god, I'm finally meeting
you! I'm such a big fan! You
helped me out through a really
tough time in my life and it's so
great to finally see you in
person.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Why thank you.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Hey Alyssa, Thomas, and I are
going to film a crossover review
tomorrow for that terrible Chevy
Chase comedy Under the Rainbow.
Would you like to join?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
A video with not only you but
Alyssa and Thomas? What is this, a
crossover episode?
                                                            
Everyone laughs.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I'm sorry, I can't, I'm too busy
at the moment.
                                                            
 
EXT. POP CULTURE FEST - DAY
                                                            
SUPER: NOVEMBER 2011


Alyssa, Thomas, Ben, Patrick, Rich, Chuck, Melissa, and Jean
are outside a building, all hugging each other, happy to see
one another in person.
                                                            
 

81.

INT. POP CULTURE FEST - DAY
                                                            
All of the reviewers are walking around Pop Culture Fest,
where there are booths with people in them and people
walking around everywhere. Ben is talking to Adrian on the
phone.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Hey man, Pop Culture Fest has been
awesome so far!
                                                            
 
INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY
                                                            
Adrian and Jimmie are at a restaurant, eating together.
Adrian is talking to Ben on the phone.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
That's great!
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Who are you talking to?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Ben. He, Patrick, and Alyssa got
the other contributors to all go
to Pop Culture Fest.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Fuck.
                                                            
 
INT. POP CULTURE FEST - DAY - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Also I'm gonna premiere a clip of
my new movie there!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
Awesome! Have a fun time!
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Rich and Chuck are signing autographs for eager fans, who
are all surrounding him.
                                                            
                       RICH DONNER
Hey, thanks for being my fan! And
thanks for not making me sign a
nude pic of yourself!
                                                            
The fan laughs. Chuck looks at a fan he's signing autographs
for.
                                                            

82.

                       CHUCK LANCASTER
Though you can send me nude pics.
I would have no problem with that.
                                                            
He hands the fan their photo back, which has his number,
573-284-3970. The fan looks at Chuck weirdly and Chuck
mouths "call me".
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
A bunch of fans are sitting down in rows of chairs in front
of a screen, which is behind a table that has a bunch of
chairs behind it. Thomas, Alyssa, Ben, Rich, Melissa,
Patrick, and Chuck walk in and everyone cheers. Alyssa
stares in WONDER, almost unable to believe how many fans
they all have. Everyone gets on stage and take their seat.
                                                            
                       RICH DONNER
Hello everyone and welcome to the
motherfucking What I Just Saw
panel for Pop Culture Fest! Woo!
                                                            
All the fans cheer.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
We're going to show you some new
clips of our upcoming videos and
then you can all ask us questions.
First up is a clip from my new
movie, Snuff Flick. Enjoy!
                                                            
The lights go down and the video goes on.
                                                            
 
INT. SNUFF FLICK - ALLEYWAY - NIGHT
                                                            
Molly is kneeling on the ground, with her hand behind her
back, while Adrian points a camera to her head and a film
camera is pointed towards them.
                                                            
                       MOLLY
Why are you doing this?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Because you're the biggest movie
star ever and your presence will
make my movie the biggest snuff
flick in the world.
                                                            
 

83.

INT. ALYSSA AND THOMAS'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa and Thomas are in a hotel room, naked, just having
had sex. Alyssa's cell phone rings. She picks it up.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Jimmie is on his phone, looking PISSED.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Hey Alyssa, I heard you went to
Pop Culture Fest. You know why our
company hates Pop Culture Fest
right?
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA AND THOMAS'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa sighs, ANNOYED.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I know. But from what Ben told me,
it seems like it's your fault not
their's.
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Jimmie gets even more pissed.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yeah, well at least we didn't
waste our time like you guys did!
We don't need conventions, we
already got fans!
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA AND THOMAS'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Alyssa takes out her cell phone, goes onto Youtube and looks
up one of Adrian's videos, WHAT I JUST SAW-THE TWILIGHT
SAGA: ECLIPSE, which has a screenshot of Adrian talking to a
convention. She looks at Thomas and mouths "WTF?" Alyssa
sighs.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
And yet I still see Adrian going
to conventions.
                                                            
Alyssa hangs up on him.
                                                            
 

84.

INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
Jimmie's about to answer when he hears she hung up. He can't
believe she just hung up on him.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA AND THOMAS'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I can't believe it, Jimmie just
bitched me out for promoting
everyone's shows at the
convention.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Sometimes I wonder why we continue
working for this damn website.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
If we left, would we have fans?
                                                            
 
INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT
                                                            
A bunch of families walk out of a theater showing PUSS IN
BOOTS, followed by Adrian and Ronald.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
That was alright, better than the
third and fourth Shrek,
but...meh...looks like a godsend
compared to Jack & Jill, though,
why the hell is Adam Sandler
making an entire movie of him in
drag? Good god, it's like their
trying to make Grown Ups look like
a masterpiece by comparison! And
why did they have to play the
trailer before the movie?
                                                            
Ronald takes out his cell phone and starts looking up stuff
on social media only to get concerned by something.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I agree that Jack & Jill looks
terrible but I thought Puss was
fun. Also here's what I was
thinking for the review: I get so
attracted to Puss that I question
both whether or not I'm a furry as
well as my sexuality. I think that
would be hilarious. What do you
think, Ron? Ron?
                                                            

85.

                       RONALD MORRIS
Adrian, have you heard of SOPA?
Listen to this: this bill proposes
to expand the ability of U.S. law
enforcement to combat online
copyright infringement. Oh shit...
                                                            
 
INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
                                                            
Sanjay, Adrian, and Ronald sit at Jimmie's table while he
paces around.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
What am I gonna do? I sometimes
use copyrighted material in my
What I Just Saw videos, this could
ruin my show!
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Maybe this is a sign for me.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
What do you mean?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
It's time for me to leave.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Why?
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
I dunno, maybe I've never been
quite comfortable with how some of
our profit is taken from the ad
revenue from our contributors
videos yet we don't pay them back
a dime. Or how we act like we own
their material and don't let them
sell it themselves. Kind've a dick
move on our part, just saying.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Oh don't be Mr. Rogers right now,
you've been taking that revenue
for 2 years now with no problem.
                                                            
                       SANJAY ACHARYA
Well, gee, maybe that's because if
I left this sooner, I wouldn't
have a job. But now I might be out
of this job so fuck it!
                                                            

86.

Sanjay gets up and walks out.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Sanjay's not exactly wrong.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
What are you talking about?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I've been doing this show a long
time. Maybe it's time to start
making my own work.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Like what?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
First we make a movie. Then we
make a web series. The web series
would be called Popular Movies My
Way, where I parody, well, popular
movies.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
What's the movie you want to make?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
My first movie would be about me
and the rest of the contributors
fighting a dragon formed by an
evil alliance who wants to get rid
of reviewers altogether. And I
will be the chosen one to stop the
dragon. I'll call it Into the Next
Generation.
                                                            
 
INT. ALYSSA'S ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa and Thomas are sitting at Alyssa's laptop, reading a
letter saying

DEAR CONTRIBUTORS,

WE ARE MAKING A MOVIE CALLED INTO THE NEXT GENERATION. THE
MOVIE IS ABOUT ADRIAN AND THE OTHER CONTRIBUTORS FIGHTING AN
EVIL DRAGON TO SAVE THE INTERNET! WE WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO
HAVE A PART IN THE MOVIE! IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE
E-MAIL US BACK AND WE WILL GIVE MORE INFO (I.E. TRAVELING
ARRANGEMENTS, COMPENSATION, ETC.)

HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.


87.

SINCERELY,
JIMMIE WILLIAMS, WHATIJUSTSAW.COM

Thomas and Alyssa are unsure about whether or not they want
to participate.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
So do you wanna make this movie?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Well Jimmie may be a dick but
Adrian seems nice so why not?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
It would be good for our shows.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
                                                            
Adrian is sitting on his couch, finishing up the script on
his laptop, as his brother sits next to him.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
The end.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Y'know, I've thought about it and
I think calling the dragon Sopa is
a terrible idea.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Why?!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
It's too on the nose! At least try
to be a little subtle!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Oh, now you have a problem with
that?! You didn't seem to have a
problem with it over the last few
days!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Well maybe I changed my mind!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
On the day before shooting?!
                                                            
 

88.

INT. ADRIAN'S APARTMENT - MORNING
                                                            
Ron has a camera set up and is standing behind it. Adrian is
sitting on his couch, waiting for the contributors. Someone
knocks at the door and Ben comes in followed by Alyssa,
Thomas, and the rest of the contributors at
WhatIJustSaw.Com. Ronald walks towards them.
                                                            
Ronald sees this and quickly tries to change the subject.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Hey everyone, please gather around
the couch.
                                                            
Everyone sits down on the couch.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Before we begin, I have a
question: why did you wait until
last night to send us the script?
I have barely had any time to
learn my lines, have you guys?
                                                            
All the contributors, except for Ben, say "no" in unison.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Sorry for that, Ron and I were
fighting all day about the script.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Actually I read through the script
and, at the end, when Adrian is
sacrificing himself to the evil
god SOPA, he says "the age of
reviewers has ended and a new age
is born"? What does that even
mean?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Oh, this movie is gonna be our
sendoff.
                                                            
Everyone besides Ben is surprised by this.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Our sendoff?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Yeah, if the Sopa thing goes into
effect, no one will be able to do
internet reviews anymore so I'm
gonna end my show and you guys
will have to end your shows.
                                                            

89.

Everyone besides Ben is pissed.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Yeah, if it gets passed!
                                                            
                       RICH DONNER
You might as well rape my Grandma
now!
                                                            
                       CHUCK LANCASTER
Hold it, everyone, hold it. Listen
Adrian, you mean well, but we
aren't planning on ending our
shows. Can we just change it so
that it's the end of your show
instead of ours?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Yeah, that's fine.
                                                            
 
INT. PARK - DAY
                                                            
Ronald is standing there, standing behind the camera. There
is a water cooler near him. Alyssa, Melissa, and Thomas are
standing in front of the camera, waiting for filming to
begin. Adrian is framing things like he's trying to figure
out how to set up shots. Ronald walks up to Thomas.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Hey Thomas, Ben told us you're a
great editor. Could you edit the
movie?
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Sure, I'd love to!
                                                            
Alyssa walks up to Adrian.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey Adrian, why is my character
constantly making sex jokes? Like
how in this scene I'm constantly
trying to get Thomas to sleep with
me while were running away from an
evil monster? I would never do
that.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Well, we can do two takes, one
that I would do and one that you
would do. Sound good?
                                                            

90.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Oh-kay.
                                                            
Adrian goes in front the camera. Alyssa, Thomas, and Melissa
join up with Adrian.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Alright, camera ready, action!
                                                            
Alyssa, Melissa, and Thomas start running for their lives.
Suddenly a jogger comes out of nowhere and joins them.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
      (WHISPERING)
Shouldn't we yell cut?
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
      (WHISPERING)
No, I got a better idea.
                                                            
Adrian looks at the jogger.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Okay, lady, just turn around and
look fearful because a giant
monster is coming to attack you.
                                                            
The jogger gives him a dirty look and runs away from them.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Worth a shot. Alright, guys,
reset, action.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hey Thomas, did you notice my
nipples are visible through my
shirt? I've started using a
see-through bra.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
Do you really think this is the
best time to point that out?
                                                            
Suddenly Melissa trips on a rock and falls down on the
ground. Melissa and Thomas stop running and Adrian and
Ronald run to her.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Are you okay?!
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Yeah, I'm fine.
                                                            

91.

                       ADRIAN MORRIS
What should we do?
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Bring out the first aid kit.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I didn't bring a first aid kit.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
What?! Why didn't you bring a
first aid kit?!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Hey, how was I supposed to know
something like this would happen?!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
How?! How?! This is a park, there
are rocks, branches, lots of
things to trip on, of course
people could get injured here!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Y'know what, I got an idea.
                                                            
Adrian takes out a water bottle out of a cooler and throws
it on the ground next to Melissa.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
How's that going to work?!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I dunno, maybe if she presses it
on her knee, she'll be as good as
new!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
She could be bleeding you moron!
                                                            
Alyssa, Thomas, and Melissa all look at Adrian and Ronald
arguing uncomfortably.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I doubt she's bleeding, she
doesn't look like she's bleeding
to me!
                                                            
 

92.

INT. ADRIAN'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Thomas, wearing a terrible robot outfit, and Alyssa are
standing in front of Adrian's door as Ronald and Adrian are
filming them.
                                                            
                       THOMAS CARVER
      (ROBOTIC VOICE)
Alyssa, Adrian is wrong! We have
to help Sopa destroy the world.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Ooh, I'll do anything if it means
being with you, baby.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Cut.
                                                            
They walk off screen and sit down on two chairs. Melissa and
Patrick walk in and stand away from the camera. Ronald pulls
the camera back so that Melissa and Rich can be seen near
where Alyssa and Thomas were. Alyssa and Patrick notice that
they aren't changing the camera angle.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Alright, camera ready and action!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Wait, the camera's where we were
just standing.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Oh well, plot hole.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
How could you not turn the
camera?!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
There's one continuity error, boo
hoo! Mistakes happen! The first
Pirates of the Caribbean had a
crew member walking in the
background and that's the only
good movie in that franchise!
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Yes, it is a big deal!
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Guys, it's not a big deal, either
change the camera angle or get me
and Patrick back.
                                                            

93.

Suddenly Ben walks out of a closet wearing a DARTH VADER
COSTUME. Everyone looks at him.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Sorry to break up the fight, had
to get a drink of water. Did
anyone ever tell you you sound
like a man about to hit his wife?
                                                            
 
INT. RON'S BASEMENT - DAY
                                                            
Alyssa, Thomas, Patrick, Melissa, Rich, Chuck, and Jean are
lying down on the floor while Ronald and Adrian are turning
their backs toward them, checking the footage.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Crap, you can see Thomas's foot in
this shot but in the shot
preceding it, you can't.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Are we even on camera?
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
No.
                                                            
Everyone groans.
                                                            
 
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa and Thomas walk into their hotel room, completely
EXHAUSTED. They sit on the bed and are about to lie down
when Alyssa's cell phone rings. She picks it up.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Hello?
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
Hey Alyssa, we need you to film a
scene for us.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Now?!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
Yeah, we want to film the scene
where you try to distract Adrian
to save him from being possessed
by the alien commander.
                                                            

94.

                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
I just got to my hotel after
filming 7 scenes for your goddamn
movie! Give me a break!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS (V.O.)
Come on, let's just get it over
with. Just this one scene.
Please?! I'm already on my way to
the hotel!
                                                            
Thomas groans and Alyssa puts her pillow over her head,
ANNOYED.
                                                            
 
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT
                                                            
Ronald is sitting on a couch, waiting for Alyssa. Alyssa
walks toward him, looking groggy and tired.
                                                            
 
INT. RONALD'S CAR - NIGHT
                                                            
Alyssa is in Ronald's car, as he's driving. Alyssa is
staring at him, ANGRY. Ronald thinks about it for a second.
Then he pulls over and turns back to the hotel.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Y'know, I've made an executive
decision.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
What?!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
I don't think we'll need that
scene after all.
                                                            
Alyssa can't believe what she's hearing.
                                                            
 
EXT. HOTEL - NIGHT
                                                            
Ronald drives up to the hotel and Alyssa gets out of the
car, PISSED.
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
Good night.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
What was the point of that?!
                                                            
 

95.

INT. JIMMIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
Jimmie is on his laptop, where he sees an article saying
UPDATE ON SOPA. He clicks it and the article says that SOPA
has not passed. He breathes out a sigh of relief, takes out
his cell phone, and calls Adrian.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Hey Adrian, great news, SOPA
hasn't been passed.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
Oh, thank goodness!
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Y'know, now you don't have to
cancel the show.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
I'm tired of it anyway. Though,
will this date the plot of the
movie?
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
I'm sure they'll try to bring it
back in some way.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS (V.O.)
Probably.
                                                            
 
INT. ADRIAN'S APARTMENT - DAY
                                                            
The contributors are standing around, all looking pissed and
tired, except for BEN.
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
Thank god it's the last day! I
can't believe we've had to film 10
goddamn scenes every. Single. Day.
just so we could film this in a
week.
                                                            
                       RICH DONNER
And, now that SOPA hasn't been
passed, the movie's just
pointless!
                                                            
                                         CUT TO:
                                                            
Melissa walks to Ben.
                                                            

96.

                       MELISSA PARKER
Hey Ben, want a beer?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
I don't drink.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Sorry.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
It's fine, I actually have
depression and there was a time
when I was actually a heavy
drinker to try to drown those
thoughts out but those days are
behind me now.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Wow, I didn't know, I'm so sorry
about that.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
It's fine. Though sometimes I feel
like I want one.
                                                            
                       MELISSA PARKER
Why?
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
Let's just say things are not
going well with the missus.
                                                            
Adrian, Ronald, and Jimmie walk in.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
Hey, we have something to ask you
guys. So, as you know, we may have
overscheduled the shoot.
                                                            
The contributors groan.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
And we kinda went over budget so,
to pay back costs, we'll need you
guys to all make two or more
crossovers so we can get enough ad
revenue to pay back the costs.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
So all the money will be going to
you guys?
                                                            

97.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Yes, Alyssa, it will.
                                                            
Suddenly all of the contributors, except for Ben, get angry
and start screaming at them.
                                                            
                       BEN DERELICT
I don't think this is that big a
deal.
                                                            
                       ADRIAN MORRIS
I don't get it either, what's the
problem?
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
We're tired and you're just going
to make us film more stuff and not
even pay us?!
                                                            
                       RONALD MORRIS
What would you do instead?!
                                                            
                       PATRICK CHASE
How about we make a compromise,
huh? We do two crossovers, get to
keep one, and you guys get to keep
one. Is that fair?
                                                            
Jimmie, Ronald, and Adrian think about it. They turn around
and start whispering amongst themselves. Then they look at
the contributors.
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS
Sure, we'll do that. Now, I've got
another announcement. I have my
niece's christening to go to so
I'll have to leave but I'll see
you guys later.
                                                            
Jimmie walks out.
                                                            
                       ALYSSA MICHAELS
Wait but he was going to drive
some of the contributors to Red
Lobster. Whose going to take us
now?
                                                            
 
EXT. ADRIAN'S APARTMENT - EVENING
                                                            
Alyssa, Thomas, and Jean stand outside, in disbelief as all
the cars drive away to RED LOBSTER. Jean gets pissed and
calls Jimmie.
                                                            

98.

                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Hello?
                                                            
                       JEAN DUPARDIEU
Hey Jimmie, thanks a lot! Now
Alyssa, Thomas, and I are not
going to be able to get to Red
Lobster! Screw you asshole!
                                                            
                       JIMMIE WILLIAMS (V.O.)
Meh, get an uber.
                                                            
He hangs up on Jean, much to his annoyance, which makes Jean
even more angry.
                                             &