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by Teresa N Tobin (tntdpm@comcast.net)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: 1/2
Social media interact with events involving theft , vigilante justice, love and dogs in this Philly based rom-com with a female protagonist!

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.


Bird's eye view flying out of a box tucked into the highest
possible perch in City Hall. A peregrine falcon looks down
on the city as she flies in ever-widening circles as the sun
comes up over the eastern horizon. It is a frosty, clear
March morning. Music up.
Alarm rings. Reggie crosses her arm over the body of her
enormous dog, Henry, to shut it off. A tiny dog, Gnit, is
tucked next to the big dog. Light filters softly as the sun
rises. She leans over her dogs and kisses Ron, who is still
in bed. She leaves the room for the bathroom.
Reggie changes into all black exercise clothes, brushes her
teeth, washes her face and pulls her black hair back into a
pony tail. She puts her ear buds from her Ipod into her ears
and turns off the bathroom light.
Reggie opens the fridge, takes a water and lets herself out
of the house. She locks the door behind herself.
A light frost covers the quaint Rittenhouse neighborhood
streets. Reggie crosses the splendid park of Rittenhouse
Square, her feet making crunching sounds on the grass. She
quickens her pace as she sees her gym sign on the other side
of the square. She glances at her watch and breaks into a
full run. She opens the door and takes a big breath of the
sweaty smell.


You're late...you know what to do.
Must I?
She drops to the ground and gives him 20 push ups. He glares
over her as she finishes them and throws her a medicine
ball. She throws it back and forth with him. Her eyes drift
over his head to the TV mounted on the wall. She hears
Jennaphr Frederick, the local Fox 29 AM reporter,
interviewing a young man trying to enter the Philadelphia
Stock Exchange on South Broad Street.
                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK
      (microphone in
Good morning, sir! What's your
opinion of the stock market today?
Do you think it will keep
sliding...or is there some ray of
hope today?
      (Pulls hat close
       to face)
It doesn't look too promising...we
have to hope it just stabilizes
Liam enters the building, the rain makes everything gray and
depressing. She keeps up with her relentlessly sunny banter.
                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK
There you have it folks! We're
gonna have to bring back the
"MISERY INDEX" from the Jimmy
Carter days if this gets any
worse! The mood is sour here at
the Stock Exchange and Wall Street
is in a full panic! Traders are
girding their loins today for
another horrible day! Investors
are scared and the numbers look


                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK (cont'd)
bad! Back to you, Mike!
Reggie's attention comes back to Sarge and she focuses on
her workout. She starts jumping rope until sweat pours off

She starts to falter slightly...Sarge gives her a
disapproving look and she redoubles her effort.
Reggie enters her office, an artsy, chaotic, chic scene,
full of people working on projects. Her Manolos click across
the polished marble floor as she murmurs hellos to her
She is dressed casually but expensively in jeans, heels and
a signature black sweater over a crisp white shirt. She has
a crazy necklace on to accent her look. Her makeup is
perfect. She lines her green eyes with a little black liner
that ends in a flirtatious upsweep. Her lashes are thick and
Reggie settles herself into her smallish office with the
amazing view of Billy Penn's Hat. She places her
ever-present cup of Starbucks coffee down on her desk. She
pulls her Mac computer out of her Kate Spade messenger bag
and opens the screen.
All the conversation is typewritten by Reggie and Mandy. The
camera should concentrate on the words being typed
out...music in background...upbeat.
Help! I'm stuck in the 'burbs with
no place to wear my new outfit!


                       MANDY (cont'd)
Meet me for dinner after work.
Maybe we can go to your cousin's
place, James.
Roger that! I'm good 4 dinner at
the bar at 7PM. Can U break away
from Idol?? I'm a little dressed
down today: jeans, cashmere &
Manolos... will I look like a
ruffian next 2 U?
No way! I'm dying 2 c u! I'll b
there b4 7!
C U there!
Ron enters her office ready for work. He has a deeply
dimpled grin, professionally coiffed, mussy hair, and a
slightly scruffy beard. He walks behind her and gently
massages her shoulders.
How are the traps this morning?
They feel a little tight!
Tight! How about tetanic? Sarge
was brutal. I was about 5 minutes
late. I need to call that crazy
chiropractor and get an
appointment, but not tonight. I'm
gonna catch dinner with Mandy at
James. You don't mind...do you?
What are we working on today, Tub


Yeah, I've been working on the art
work for the TUB GIN logo...I'm
trying to get a little Old West
sensibility with a WASPY touch.
What do you think of these boards?
He pulls out some graphics of criss-crossed pistols with
smoke curling out in stylized wisps.
Ohh...I love the smoke and guns, I
guess bathtubs have been co-opted
by Cialis...can't use them.
Anyway, bathtubs would be way too
obvious. I still don't know what
they have to do with limp peckers,
but what do I know? But what about
the guns? What do they have to do
with Tub Gin?
Drinkin' & Shootin'...what could
be better? But it has to be very
tongue in cheek...not violent,
actually, but dangerous. Just the
way everyone wants to be
perceived. I gotta book that guy
with the real gravelly voice for
the narration. He'll be great for
the promo...
So we have to make some women like
my mom throw the blue gin
overboard for some gravelly-voiced
guy we don't show talk about
drinkin' & shootin'? Get me some
more coffee, it's gonna be a long
Reggie walks down the street on a March night. It is raining
softly and the cold is biting. She pulls her Burberry trench


collar tightly to her neck. She is carrying two large bags.
One is her Kate Spade computer messenger bag. The other is
an unobtrusive doggie carrier with her tiny chihuahua GNIT
inside. She arrives at the restaurant, opens the door, and
steps inside.
The bar is lively with young people talking and techno beat
music playing in the background. The vibe is modern, sleek,
cool and young. Reggie spots Mandy at the end of the bar.
There is an empty seat next to Mandy. She sees Reggie and
pats the seat with her hand. Reggie approaches her. They
smile and air kiss so as not to mess up their perfect
Mmmnnn, Reggie, you look great as
usual! What's that, Theory?
Mandy fingers Reggie's sweater as she struggles out of her
coat. Reggie places her coat on the back of the bar stool
and carefully sets her doggie bag on the floor next to the
stool. She reaches into her messenger bag, pulls out her new
Iphone, and places it on the bar to the left of her body.
Nice sweater. What are you
drinking, dear?
Mandy twirls the triple olives in her martini. She does not
eat them.
Tub and tonic with a slice of
lime, please. Thanks, Harry. We
finally released the Tub Gin last
week. It's easy to get on the top
shelf of a good bar if your cousin
owns it, huh? We are still working
on the promo for ads. We need to
get the buzz out about it. We had
a tasting the other night here
which went well, but we need to
get it in a lot more restaurants.
It is very smooth. Juniper


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
berries, ya know...very Colorado
meets the east coast. We hope it
takes off. It's the cornerstone of
our retirement. That and working
sixteen hours a day. You look
amazing. Whattya weighing these
days? About 105, 106? Look at you
with two kids. Do you eat
anything?? Great outfit, by the
way. Who is it?
Nanette Lepore. I know I'm rushing
the spring thing, but I really
can't take any more of this
winter. It better get nice soon!
Of course, ya know I still keep a
log of my clothes. Even though I
am only driving the kids to
preschool and play dates, I still
don't like to be seen in the same
outfit for at least thirty days.
Jeez, I'm gonna have to scale back
my wardrobe if the economy keeps
diving like this. The hubster is
gonna have to see some more rotten
gums soon!
She pulls her lips back to expose her perfectly pink gums.
I don't know that much about
money, but it is getting really
scary out there. I'm gonna have to
start shopping at Marshall's!
Come on! This is dentistry we are
talking about. It's recession
Yeah...and this is Philly we're
talking about, not New York.
People here will pull their own
teeth out! Have you seen some of


                       MANDY (cont'd)
the mouths around here? They're
not so pretty. Speaking of
pretty...let me show you some
pictures of my babies.
Mandy takes her Iphone out and pulls up some pictures of her
perfectly average-looking kids. Reggie looks politely at the
pictures, but in her heart, she can't warm up to kids. She
is an animal person.
Adorable! Speaking of adorable...I
have Gnitter Bug in one of these
bags at my feet. Don't tell
Michaela, she gets pissy when I
sneak him in.
Camera pans down the bar to show young people drinking and
Camera rests to show the patron next to Reggie's left hand
He is LIAM, a young man, dressed in business attire, late
20s, obviously drunk. His head turns to view the two
lovelies next to him, but he seems more attracted to
Reggie's Iphone than to the ladies themselves.
His right hand slides surreptitiously to the Iphone, but he
doesn't quite touch it. His fingers are so close...
Reggie's left hand moves so quickly that their fingers touch
briefly. She turns to him and gives him a stony stare. She
deftly moves the Iphone between herself and Mandy.
As I was saying...(whispering) Mr.
Sticky Fingers wants my Iphone, I
suppose. Drunks...I just can't
stand them.
These youngsters. He still thinks
he's in the frat! No control!


Bartender! One more Maker's Mark,
please! Straight up!
He slams his hand hard on the bar. He is falling over drunk
at this point.
How about some food, sir? We have
a very nice menu that I can serve
you right here at the bar. It's
not necessary for you to get a
table. It would be best if you ate
something. You have been drinking
for over an hour, sir.
Maker's Mark. Straight up!
No sir, I will not serve you any
more alcohol!
Are you flaggin' me? Are you
kiddin' me? What kind of place is
Liam starts to rise out of his bar stool. He bends forward
threateningly towards Harry the Bartender.
Reputable, sir. I'm afraid I'm
going to have to call you a cab,
sir. Please settle your bill!
Screw the cab, and screw you too,
faggot! I'll walk!
Liam pushes back from the stool, bumping Reggie and fishing
in his pocket for his charge card. He slams it down on the
bar. Harry turns his back to process the transaction. Liam
bends to the floor and noisily goes about getting his
computer bag from the floor next to Reggie.
Commotion. Body contact and rustling. Liam emerges with his


bag over his shoulder, grabs his charge card and looks
around the bar. Reggie and Mandy are trying to move as far
away from him as possible. Harry moves forward over the bar
towards Liam.
No tip for you!
I have at tip for you, blow
Liam hurtles himself out of the bar and everyone sighs a
little with relief.
                                         CAMERA ANGLES TO THE
Michaela, the owner who is about six months pregnant, rushes
to the bar.
Sorry Ladies! Bad times, bad
behavior...he's not a regular,
that's for sure. I haven't seen
him before, and he certainly won't
be allowed in again. Hey cuz, (air
kiss to Reggie) hey Mandy, welcome
(air kiss to Mandy).
How's business? It looks pretty
good for a weeknight.
Ya know, good on the weekend, a
little tough on weeknights. People
are holding close to their
pocketbooks...but people like him!
Who was that jerk? That's not why
we are here.
Michaela looks down at the floor at Reggie's feet and sees
her doggie bag wiggling slightly on its own. She bends at
the knees slowly since her belly is swollen with child.


Reggie, did you bring that dog in
here again? This is Philly, not
France, ya know. We don't bring
our dogs into restaurants here!
Are you becoming one of THOSE
women? What's next, cats???
Reggie bends over to pick up her dog carrier off the floor
and grips her chest with shock.
Holy shit! Where is my messenger
Reggie jumps out of her stool and scans the floor around her
bar stool. She is in full panic mode. Everyone at the bar is
watching her.
My bag! My computer bag!! Has
anybody seen it?? Oh God...oh holy
Mother of Christ! My bag!
Everything is in there! Holy shit!
It's not just my computer, it's my
wallet. My tax returns are in
there. My social security number!
My charge card..$400...oh God,
everything! My whole identity. My
life is in that bag!
Reggie's eyes well up with tears as she realizes the full
extent of her loss. Michaela and Mandy hug her as she starts
to cry.
My baby, Gnitter...at least you're
still here.
Reggie bends to the floor to pick her dog bag up. She takes
Gnit from the bag and cradles him to her chest. She is
crying hard now. Her friends are looking around the bar for
her computer bag.


He took it!! That kid, he took
your bag! Oh my God! That drunk
took your bag.
Mickey...he paid for his drinks
with a charge card! Oh my God! You
have his name! I need his name,
quick! Shit! I'll call 911. Do you
have security tapes, Mickey?
Yeah, we do, but they go to a
central place...I've never tried
to retrieve them...call the cops!
I've got his name, Reggie. Here it
is...Liam, Liam McAloon. That's a
weird one.
Reggie picks up her Iphone, hands shaking, and dials 911.
Hello! 911 operator, hi, yes, this
is an emergency! My name is
Reggie. No, I'm not hurt, thank
you. My computer bag has been
stolen! Yes. I was robbed...in a
restaurant...my wallet was taken
too. My tax forms were in my
computer bag, all my ID, my charge
cards...$400, everything!! My life
was in there! Please send someone
over right away. I know who did
it. Liam McAloon. I have the guy's
name. Yes, yes. I'll wait here.
James at 8th and Catherine. I am
inside the restaurant. I am safe,
but hurry! Thank you!
Reggie turns to her friends as she hangs up the phone. Her
eyes are welling with tears. She slumps her shoulders in
dejection as her friend and cousin hug her.


I'm sorry Mandy, I ruined your
night out. Mickey, I'm sorry for
causing such a commotion at your
You're sorry! Don't you be
sorry...that sticky-fingered frat
boy should be sorry. That's who
should be sorry. He'll get his!
Wait till the cops come. He is in
deep shit! He obviously doesn't
know who he is screwing with. I
pity the fool who gets on your bad
side! He's meat, rancid meat! He's
gonna be your bitch for the rest
of his life!
Reggie hugs her tiny dog Gnit to her chest.
Gnitter Bug, thank God he didn't
take you, baby! Oh, what if he
took Gnitter too? Ohh baby, I
thought you would be a better
watch dog...you didn't even make a
peep. I felt him rummaging around
my feet, but I never dreamed he
would rip off my bag. I just
thought he was getting his bag,
like everybody has a computer bag
now! I have nothing left
now...except my trusty Iphone.
(Sighs) A girl and her Iphone...my
Reggie's whole posture changes. She brightens visibly, picks
up her Iphone and quickly brings it online.
Camera zooms into her hands on the Iphone as she brings up
Facebook. She continues to change the pages on the Iphone as
her voice is in the background.
I have his name. It's an odd
one...Liam McAloon.
FACEBOOK...that's the ticket. Yes,


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
I'm looking him up! Bingo! There
he is! (Excitedly now) That's his
picture...his page is pretty open.
Now to "friend" him... what a
turd! He won't remember my
face...I don't think he really
even looked at me, he was so
drunk. He'll just think I was some
chick he met and "friend" me back.
He'll take the bait. Wait, let's
see...University of Chicago Friend
Group. Oh, Sherrie went
there...I'll have her look up info
on him. He is sooo toasted. I'll
have so much info on him before
the cops get here, he'll think I'm
a proctologist! HAH! McGruff the
Crime Dog strikes back! My mom
will be so proud of me. Look at
this, girls! Sherrie has info
already! He is a stock
trader...right on Broad Street.
OMG! His building is only a block
away from mine...the Stock
Exchange...just like Eddie Murphy
in "TRADING PLACES", my favorite
Philly movie. GOOGLE! Yes! I'll
GOOGLE his address. I'm on fire
now, girls! Wow, this is
ridiculously easy to track anybody
down. Look at this...he lives two
blocks away from me. Shit! What's
his deal? He lives in a nice
building! Is he an identity thief,
like those two Penn students at
the Barclay last year, or is he
just some drunken slob of a frat
boy? Who cares? I'm nailing his
ass to the wall! Wow! I love
technology! Am I Nancy Friggin'
Drew, or what?? Wait till those
cops get here!
Michaela has placed some food in front of Reggie and Mandy
at the bar and they are hungrily eating it when the bar door


opens and a 30ish man in a hat and trench coat walks in. He
is a mixed-race, handsome man, with a tired nonchalance. He
has a toothpick in his mouth. He approaches Harry the
bartender, and flashes is badge discreetly.
He opens a notepad and readies a pen.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Detective Nardello. I'm looking
for a Reggie Heath, who was robbed
in here.
Harry nods in Reggie's direction, but she has already
stopped eating and popped out of her bar stool. She is in
full manic mode, still holding Gnit to her chest. She rushes
to the detective, exploding with her story. Gnit growls as
viciously as he possibly can.
That's me! Hi, thank God you're
here. I got the guy. Here he is
(she shoves the Iphone in his
I solved the whole crime for you.
Let's go...we can get him right
now...I have his address and
Detective Nardello holds up his hand and grins a fabulous
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Slow down, cowgirl! Let me get a
few facts first! Do you people
train your dogs to hate the
She grabs his forearm to try to edge him to the door.
Come on! If we hurry we can catch
him. He only lives a few blocks
away. No time to waste...he has
all my shit! What, you think my
dog is a hater??? How dare you! If
this McAloon is an identity thief,
my life is gone in the next 15
minutes! If he sobers up and


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
thinks about what he just did, my
shit is in a dumpster and I'm
screwed anyway! Why are you just
standing there? Let's go! Now!
Detective Nardello firmly removes her hand from his arm and
sits down on a bar stool. He motions for her to sit down. He
poises his pen on the note pad. He takes a deep breath.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Ma'am, just let me tell you a few
things before you start talking
again. Number 1) I need to
determine the facts of the case.
Number 2) I need to determine
whether or not you were physically
assaulted, and whether or not you
are hurt. Number 3) I need to know
what the exact contents of your
bag were. Number 4) I need to know
what leads you to believe that
this Mr. Liam McAloon is the perp.
In other words, the who, what,
when, where and why. I understand
that you have all this
information. I still have to write
it all down in a regular police
report. But honestly, I have to go
through normal channels. And, I am
officially on overtime now...so,
in reality, since you are not a
corpse, which I'm very happy
about, nothing is going to happen
tonight. I'll take all your
information, nice and slow, so my
little brain can get it. I'll file
a report tonight. I'll try to get
a judge to swear out a warrant for
tomorrow for a search warrant for
this McAloon's apartment, and I'll
talk to you tomorrow. Now, let's
start at the beginning.
Reggie's lips are quivering in outrage, and her eyes well up
with tears again.


So that's it! I don't get any help
with this? Some jerkoff rips my
life off and I'm told to wait till
tomorrow? Is this what I pay taxes
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Try not to insult the help, Ma'am.
It doesn't make me work any
faster. By the way, very
impressive work on your part.
You're a real Charlie's Angel,
Ma'am. Kinda remind me of that
Jacklyn Smith one with your dark
hair...now let's sit down quietly,
and I'll write this all down.
Nobody got hurt here, and in my
business, you gotta know, people
do absolutely crazy things over
less. Now, I need the exact
spelling of your full name.
Reggie is completely deflated. She sits at the bar and gives
him her information using the Iphone for info.
Victoria Regina Stiletto Heath.
They continue exchanging information for a few moments. He
closes his notepad and puts it in his coat pocket. He puts
his hat on and smiles at her. He extends his hand and shakes
her hand. He gives her his card.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Good work, Ma'am. I'll call you
tomorrow afternoon. Good night,
Don't call me "Ma'am".
Detective Nardello exits the restaurant. The camera swings
back to the girls. Reggie puts her coat on and places Gnit
in the doggie bag. She slings it over her shoulder. She puts


her adorable Eugenia Kim beret on and glumly looks at her
Mandy, I have to go. My head is
spinning. I just need to walk this
whole thing off. I'm sorry, can
you take care of the bill?
Please, Reggie, don't worry about
the bill!
Walk? Don't be crazy, I'm driving
you home! Look at the weather!
I'll pay the bill.
NO. Really, I need to walk. I need
to process all of this shit. I'll
be fine. It's just a couple of
blocks. I'll call you both
tomorrow. I'm sorry, girls...I've
gotta go!
Group hugs. Back pats. Reggie and Gnit leave the restaurant
into the drizzle of the night.
Reggie walks down a rather lonely, but gaudily commercial
South Street. She turns her trench coat collar up tightly to
her neck. She quickens her pace as much as she can in her
Manolo heels. She crosses the street and makes it to the
other side, when suddenly her heel breaks off. She is forced
to stop and bend over to retrieve her heel. She is defeated.
She sighs, straightens herself up and adjusts Gnit in his
bag and starts walking down the street, one high heel, one
low heel.
A homeless crack addict picks himself off the sidewalk and
starts walking next to her.
She walks as fast as she can with her lopsided gait.


                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Hey lady! Can ya help me out wid
some money? I need some food!
Money! Wrong girl tonight, Cracky!
I just got robbed...I have no
money tonight, no wallet, no
computer, no tax returns, no
charge cards...NOT EVEN A DECENT
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Robbed! Straight up! Shit! Who
robbed a fine girl like you?
I know who...I know his name. He
took all my shit from a restaurant
tonight! From the bar, not some
divey bar...a nice bar, a classy
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
No...no shitty dive bar for you.
Ya say ya know who he is?
Yeah, I know who he is and I know
where he is.
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Ya say ya know where he is? Ya
want me ta get him for ya? Come
on, I'll get him for ya.
Nooo! No, I called the cops...
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Cops! Cops! C'mon now, they can't
even solve murders in this town!
They not gonna help ya! C'mon,
we'll get 'em. I'll do it! I'll do
it for nothin'. It'll be fun.
C'mon girl...I'll get your shit


                       CRACKY CRACKERSON (cont'd)
No...noo, I'm just gonna go
home...lick my wounds. Thank you
though. I'm sure you would be a
big help, but I'll let the cops
handle this case. Thanks for
walkin' me home though.
She fishes in her trench coat pocket for something to give
him. She finds some change and gives it to him.
I can make it from here by myself.
I'm okay, really...you have been
very kind. Here, take the change.
Get some coffee. Goodnight!
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Ya watch yourself now. Think about
it. I can get 'em for ya. We could
make a great team!
Reggie continues down the block, lopsided in her broken
heels, and lets herself in her door.
Reggie walks through her front door with Gnit in her bag,
hobbled by the broken shoe. Henry, the English Mastiff, lets
out his deep "woof" as he practically blocks her entry. She
pushes through to the dining area where Ron sits with his
two teenaged kids doing homework. They all look puzzled as
Reggie is wet, disheveled, limping on her broken high heel,
and clearly not in a good mood. Ron stands up as she
approaches the table.
Reggie, what happened? You look a
wreck, you're limping, what's the


Ron takes the dog bag off her shoulder and lets Gnit out of
the bag. The kids get up and get Gnit food and water. Henry
homes in close to Reggie. She takes the broken heel out of
her pocket and places it on the table. She takes her trench
coat off and throws it on the chair next to her. She sits
down and starts to well up with tears again. She takes off
both shoes and rubs her feet.
I really had an awful night, Ron!
Look, I broke my Manolos! (she
starts to sob a little) Do you
know how much they cost? (she
throws them into the corner)
That's not all! My computer bag
was stolen at James! Ripped off!
God damn it! Everything was in
that bag! My computer...all the
work we have been doing for all
our campaigns...my tax returns
were in there! Jesus Christ! My
social security number, my wallet,
all my charge cards, $400, AND MY
SAKE!!!! Why didn't he just take a
DNA swab? He couldn't have taken
anymore of me!
Everyone is in full alarm mode by now, with Ron bending over
to comfort her and the kids slinking back out of anxiety.
Stolen? Who did this to you? Are
you hurt? Did you call the cops?
Did they pick this guy up? What
I was eating at James with Mandy.
We were at the bar. You know, she
is thinking of coming back to
work...anyway, the guy next to me,
he was drunk, or acting drunk...he
was acting a little suspiciously.
I had my phone out on the bar, and
I had to move it away from him,
'cause he kept trying to touch it.


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
Then he got flagged by Harry, the
bartender, after he got a little
sloppy. He got kinda nasty with
Harry, but then he paid up and
left. He was fumbling at my feet
getting his messenger bag, and
when Mickey came over to talk to
us and figured out that I was
sneaking Gnitter in again, I bent
over to get him. That's when I
found out that he took my stuff!
He was gone already! But Ron, He
took ALL my shit, everything! All
I had left was my trusty Iphone!
Did you call the cops?
Don't get me started on them!
Yeah, I called them right away!
(she whips her Iphone out of her
pocket and powers it on) Look! I
found him, gift-wrapped him and
practically tied him up in a bow
for them! Did they do anything
about it? No...I ID'd him from his
bar tab. The dope paid with a
charge card and Harry gave me his
name. I only had my phone left,
but I was able to look him up on
FACEBOOK right away, 'cause he has
a really weird name. Liam McAloon.
Crazy. So, I GOOGLED him after I
was sure it was his picture on
FACEBOOK. He lives two blocks
away! I got his address! He works
at the Stock Exchange! I know
everything about this idiot! So,
this Detective Nardello, I give
him all this info, and I say
"let's go, let's get him, let's
get my stuff back!" And you what
he says to me? "I'm on overtime!"
Overtime! Christ! They can't do
anything till they file a report


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
and get a search warrant! He said
he'll call me tomorrow!
(hysterical now) Then I walked
home up South Street and I broke
my God damned heel! Then I was
accosted by some crackhead...he
was actually nice. He wanted to go
get him for me, but I said, "no,
no, let the cops take care of
it..." Anyway, yeah, bad night...
She is a little winded after that tirade and Ron moves to
the bar to pour a glass of wine for her.
Whew! That's terrible, Reg, it'll
all get straightened out in the
morning, then. But the important
thing is you're not hurt. He
didn't touch you, did he?
She takes the wine and gulps deeply. She pulls up and leans
over the teenaged girl's computer. She shoves her over
gently and takes over the computer. She starts typing.
What are you doing, Reggie?
I'm friending him. He'll pick up
the bait. He's a real asshole.
(she covers her mouth) Oops!
Sorry. I'm LIVID! I'm crazy...I'm
puttin' the dogs on him!
She slams the laptop shut and finishes her wine.
I gotta get changed. I'm going
She gets up and starts up the stairwell followed by both
dogs and Ron.


Reggie sits on her bed and changes into all black yoga
clothes and a waterproof windbreaker and baseball cap. She
puts on sneakers and ties them tightly.
I'm sorry, Honey...you had a
terrible night, but it's over now.
You're okay and that's the most
important thing. The stuff doesn't
Yes it does. It does matter! It's
not his shit to take. It's my
shit! He can't just steal my stuff
and get away with it! Actions have
consequences, and he is about to
feel some real consequences. I'm
getting my stuff back...now!
You can't get your stuff back now!
Just relax, Reggie!
No! No relax. Come on, come with
me...I'm getting my shit back,
No, no...this is absurd! You are
not going out now! I am not going
with you. Let the cops handle
this! This isn't the Wild
West...this is Philadelphia! You
just can't go looking for your
"SHIT" and take it back! You don't
know what this guy is capable of!
Reggie starts down the stairs, running now, and Ron runs
after her with the dogs behind him.


I'm going, Ron...with or without
you. I'll be back with my stuff!
Reggie leaves into the night. Ron's back is in the door as
he calls down the street.
Reggie, don't do this!
Scene ends
Reggie speed walks through the street towards Rittenhouse
Square. She uses the voice control on her Iphone to call her
friend and coworker Heather Fields. Split screen to Heather
who is doing yoga as she watches Grey's Anatomy in the
Heather...yeah, it's me. Watcha'
doin'? I have a caper!
Caper? Whassup?
Incredible! I got ripped off
tonight while I was at the bar at
James. Some drunken frat boy took
my computer bag with my whole life
in it. The cops won't do anything
till tomorrow and every friggin'
important thing in the world,
including my tax returns and
social security number, was in
that bag. I tracked him down on
FACEBOOK and GOOGLE and he lives
two blocks from me. He's a trader
at the Stock Exchange and went to
University of Chicago. He looks
like some pussy man-boy to me from
his FACEBOOK page and I aim to


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
confront him and take my shit
back! Ya wanna come with me?
Sounds dangerous!
Dangerous! I'm dangerous...he's
drunk! A drunken pussy. I'm Robert
DeNiro in Raging Bull! I'm Nancy
Drew on steroids right now! I'm
Charlie's Angels on crack! Come
on, I need a sidekick! Ya in? I'm
right outside your building.
I'm all in! Be down in a sec.
Split screen ends. Scene picks up on street with Heather
emerging from her door to meet Reggie. She is similarly clad
in black with baseball cap. Heather is taunt and taller than
Reggie with lots of attitude. They walk quickly across
Rittenhouse Square, which is abuzz with people and dogs even
though it is a wet March evening. The pair come to McAloon's
building and size it up from the street. Two female security
guards at a large polished desk. Wide marble foyer. The two
women are mid 30s. Neither looks to be in shape. They are
concentrating on something on the desk and tapping their
long acrylic fingernails against the surface. They are
ignoring the security cameras behind them and shoving Ritz
Bitz crackers into their mouths at a steady speed.
Damn! Security. Locks on the
door...you have to get buzzed in.
He's on the 6th floor. We have to
wait till somebody comes in and
catch the door behind them. Look!
Here comes an older couple. Just
look inconspicuous! Hurry! Fall in
behind them.


The girls catch the door after the older couple swipe their
card. Reggie makes full eye contact with them and smiles
brightly. Reggie and Heather move into the lobby.
Hi! Yucky night, huh? I can't wait
to get inside.
Brr! (stage whisper) Nice work,
Angel...we're in. Now what? Look
at these two...this shouldn't be
too hard. Check out the elevators.
They're across the lobby.
Just stay with me. When I start
talking to them, play along... Hi!
Hi Ladies!
The two girls walk assuredly to the security desk. The
security guards raise their heads, just barely. A small TV
on the desk blares out Tyler Perry's HOUSE OF PAYNE. The
security ladies look bored to death.
Hi, I'm Reggie. My boyfriend, Liam
McAloon, in 6B...he's really drunk
tonight. He just came in a little
while ago. You must have seen him.
He was really slammin' drunk (she
makes the universal drinking
sign). Any who, I'm a little
worried about him. He really had
too much to drink and he took my
bag by mistake, so I just need to
go up and check up on him. Ya
know, I think he might be really
sick, if ya know what I mean. (she
holds her tummy)
                       SECURITY GIRL #1
Yeah, I bet he was drunk tonight!


                       SECURITY GIRL #2
Yeah...he always drunk...worse
than ever tonight! Yeah, you go
ahead, you check on him. Swear,
that man is a hot mess, whatchu
doin' with him?
You know, when he's not drunk,
he's fine...
Reggie and Heather go to the elevator and Heather presses
the button repeatedly. Elevator opens. They enter.
Reggie and Heather giggle in the elevator and get off at the
6th floor.
Reggie and Heather bound down the hallway to McAloon's door.
Reggie pounds hard with her fist. Heather stands right
behind her.
McAloon...come out! (more banging,
no answer) Come out Liam, I know
you are in there!
She continues with the banging. Doors on the hallway start
to open up. Neighbors peek out of their doors. A man steps
out. A dog barks wildy behind the door.
                       MAN NEIGHBOR
Hey! Keep it down there. He makes
enough noise! What's going on
I'm sorry. I'm his girlfriend. I'm
worried about him. I know he had
too much to drink tonight. Is he
in there? I hear the dog barking.


The noise of a small dog barking and scratching at the door
                       MAN NEIGHBOR
He's in there. He just came home a
little while ago. He's a drunk
pain in the ass and his little dog
never stops yappin'. I'm gonna
call the cops on him one of these
The other neighbor nods in agreement, but says nothing.
Hey Liam, come out! Come on Honey,
I'm worried about you. (She turns
to the neighbor) Do you have a
key? Honest, he is really smashed.
He may have passed out. I have to
check on him.
                       MAN NEIGHBOR
Nah, I'm not friendly with him.
You'll have to call the super. He
can get in.
Ohh! You have a super! Can you
call him for me?
                       MAN NEIGHBOR
Nah, you want him, you go to the
desk and get him. I'm done with
this shit!
He slams his door. The other neighbor closes her door too.
Reggie and Heather are alone in the hallway.
Plan B.
And that is?


I don't know. I'll figure it out
in the elevator.
The girls ride down the elevator in silence. They exit to
the lobby.
The girls walk back to the desk. The security guards look up
again. They tap their nails in unison to show just how much
they don't want to deal with Reggie and Heather.
Ahem...well, Liam must be out
cold, 'cause he's not answering
his door. I'm really worried about
him. I left the house without my
keys. Can you call the super to
check on him? I'm afraid he could
have alcohol poisoning or
something. He could, you know,
choke on his puke or
something...(Heather makes a
gagging gesture behind Reggie) you
know, like Mama Cass...
                       SECURITY GIRL #2
We don't know no Mama Cass...
You know, Mamas and Papas?
                       SECURITY GIRL #1
(shakes her head) No, we don't
know no Mamas and Papas.
Jimi Hendrix? (She hold her throat
now and makes gagging sounds and
feigns death)


                       SECURITY GIRL #1
Yeah, that dude. He dead a long
time. He that drunk?
Yeah! That's what I'm talking
about. This is a matter of life
and death! Please call the super.
It'll be on you if he dies!
Security Girl #1 looks at Security Girl #2. They shrug
together. Security Girl #1 takes a walkie-talkie from her
hip and talks into it.
                       SECURITY GIRL #1
Curtis... Curtis, this is Lalia
from the front desk. We have a
situation here. You come up here,
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
(on the walkie-talkie) Situation?
Whatchu mean?
                       SECURITY GIRL #1
You just come up here, now Curtis,
with your key ring.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
You just wait! I'll be up.
The security girls are annoyed that their evening has been
interrupted by having to interact with these two. The four
women play a subtle visual game of "Chicken" with each other
while waiting for Curtis, the Super, to intervene. The lobby
is silent except for the background of Tyler Perry and the
clicking of the fingernails. After what seems to be an
eternity, a disheveled drunken middle-aged man emerges from
the far end of the lobby via a service elevator.
                       SECURITY GIRL #2
Curtis, these ladies claim her
boyfriend in 6B is drunk and sick.
They worried about him. He don't
answer the door and they want you
to check on him.


Reggie rushes towards Curtis, the Super. Heather follows
Good evening, sir. I'm so sorry to
put you out. My boyfriend, Liam
McAloon, in 6B, with the, ya
know...problem. (she swigs her
hand to her head) Well, any who,
he isn't answering the door. I
don't have my key, so I tried to
get him to open up. But he won't.
I'm afraid he is so drunk that he
passed out and he might choke (she
grabs her throat and gags) and
vomit...ya know, Jimi Hendrix
style. Can you please open his
door? It's critical...please.
Curtis is swaying to maintain his balance. He eyes the girls
appreciatively in their exercise clothes. He flutters his
eyes a bit while he thinks.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
I can't take you girls up there
with me, regulations, ya know. But
I'll go up there and open up his
apartment, if ya think he's that
bad. You two stay right here. I'll
call down on the walkie-talkie and
let you know what's goin' on.
Curtis enters the elevator and Reggie and Heather are once
again uncomfortably left in the lobby with the security
guards. The security guards go back to eating Ritz Bitz and
watching TV. Reggie and Heather inch quietly towards the
elevator. There is a lot of distance between them and the
desk now.
      (Sotto voce)
Now what? It's clear he isn't
going to let us up.


Think, think, get close to the
elevator...and when he calls down,
push the button. When it opens,
we'll just make a break for it and
go up. They're too fat to get here
in time to stop us. We'll get into
the hallway and see if we can get
in the apartment.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (on the
Yeah, Lilia...(crackling) I got
the door open and 6B says he don't
have no girlfriend! I don't know
what kinda shit goin' down here,
but don'tchu let them girls up
The girls have pushed the button. The elevator opens and
they run in and push repeatedly to get the door to close
before security gets them. They succeed!
                       SECURITY GIRL #1
Miss...you can't go up there!
Security #1 bangs the door vainly, Security #2 looks at her.
                       SECURITY GIRL #2
Guess you gotta walk up six
floors. I'll guard the
Shit! Shit! We're in. Now what?
God! I don't know. We'll just run
to his door and see if we can push
in. I don't really have a plan.


Elevator opens. They burst out to the hallway and run to the
open door of 6B.
Curtis the Super has the door open to Liam's apartment. Liam
is balanced in the doorway. Both men are drunk, but Liam is
in much worse shape by far. His small dog is jumping and
barking wildly in the doorway. Neighbors are peeking out of
their doors. All eyes turn to the girls as they reach the
Liam McAloon! You give me my bag
Who the fuck are you?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Yeah, who are you? What's this
shit goin' on here?
Reggie plants herself nose to nose with Liam. He only has
boxer shorts on. He has to hold on to the door frame, he is
so drunk. Reggie pulls her face back from the smell of his
rancid breath. Heather is next to her ready to spring. She
scans the apartment over Liam's shoulder. It is a mess. The
dog is barking and jumping on everybody's legs.
I'll tell you who I am, Liam
McAloon! I'm your worst nightmare,
that's who I am! I'm the chick who
was sitting next to you tonight
while you got shitfaced, punk. I'm
the chick whose bag you stole,
asshole! Now I'm taking it back.
(she pushes him hard)
Heather takes this moment to push into the apartment.


Got it, Reg! (she is in the
hallway checking the bag) Looks
like everything is here...even the
money! Tax forms, everything!
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
You girls better show me something
to prove this is yours, or I'm
gonna havta call the cops.
Look, it's her driver's liscence!
Liam, you are in big trouble,
loser! Do you hear me?? I don't
know what you're thinking right
now, but you better start
praying...'cause you fucked with
the wrong girl tonight! And by the
way, your dog needs grooming!!
Liam's face is crossed with fear and confusion. He doesn't
verbally respond, but all eyes turn to him as he PISSES
himself right on his carpet!
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Damn, you a mess!
Reggie turns to Curtis the Super. They are all dumbfounded
by Liam's disgusting behavior. Liam looks down on the soaked
carpet and his wet shorts. He has no words.
Reggie takes a $100 bill from her computer bag and folds it
neatly. She slips it into Curtis's shirt pocket and pats his
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (into the
Lalia, yeah...this is Curtis.
These fine ladies are just leaving
now...yeah, everything just fine.
(he winks at Reggie and pats his
pocket appreciatively) Whatchu
people starin' at?? Go on, get
back in. All the rumpus is done


                       CURTIS, THE SUPER (cont'd)
for the night. (he turns to Liam)
You, I'll talk to you tomorrow!
Reggie and Heather take off down the elevator as the hallway
door opens to a very winded Security Guard #1 surveying the
filthy hallway situation.
The girls whoop and holler in the elevator and rush through
the lobby to the outdoors past the bewildered Security Guard
#2 into the cold March night. It has stopped raining.
The two girls run screaming with joy towards the Square.
Passersby stare at them, laughing at the scene. They hit the
grass at the Square and Heather does a one handed cartwheel
on the grass followed by a no-hands forward flip. Reggie
screams out for all to hear, as she holds her computer bag
over her head...
I am the Queen of the City! I am
the Victorious Queen of High Heels
and Candy Bars!!!!!
The girls run into the night, high on their wild caper.
Reggie and Heather exchange hugs and high fives outside her
apartment. They are giddy with excitement.
That was insane! Whew! Too much
fun...can you believe that putz
PISSED himself?
Frankly, no! Have you ever??? That
was brilliant!!! Best caper, EVER!
Wow! See ya tomorrow at work...all


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
this by what, 9pm?? Gotta get
home, Ron's probably sooo mad at
me by now! G'night!
Heather lets herself in her door and Reggie continues down
the street towards her house. Unable to contain herself, she
pulls out her Iphone and dials her mother, Dr. Anna Drew.
Split screen
Dr. Anna Drew picks up her Iphone at a noisy suburban party
called Bunco. Neighbor women are drinking, laughing and
playing a fast-paced dice game.
                       DR. DREW
Dr. Drew, can I help you?
Mom! It's me! McGruff, I just
pulled off the best caper...EVER!
You'll be really proud of me!
                       DR. DREW
Caper! What caper...hold on, let
me move to a quiet spot. What's
going on??
Mother, honest to God, I was
robbed tonight and I found the
perp on FACEBOOK. The cops
wouldn't help me so I GOOGLED his
address...then Ron wouldn't go
with me, so I got Heather to go
with me, and so we went to his
building and I confronted him, and
he was sooo drunk, and I pushed
him and I got my shit back. He
took my bag with my whole life in
it, Mom! And then he was so drunk
and scared that he just stood
there and PEED himself! It was
awesome, Mom!!!


                       DR. DREW
Whoa, hold on Powerpuff Girl, did
you say you were robbed?? Are you
hurt? Where are you now? What do
you mean, you confronted him? Did
you call the cops? Are you
Yes, yes, I am insane, I'm insane
with power right now. Whew, I'm on
my way home. I'm fine, never
better! Make my day, punk! Whew! I
gotta calm down, any who. I'm
right outside my house now.
Everything is fine. I gotta go in
now. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I
love you, Mom.
                       DR. DREW
I love you too, Honey. You give me
a complete blow by blow tomorrow.
Get in the house. I'm glad you're
safe and you have your stuff, but
you really need to be more
You're gettin' soft, Mom. Five
years ago you would've been in on
this caper with me. Love ya.
                       DR. DREW
Love ya too. Get to bed!
Reggie walks in her front door.
Reggie walks in, swaggering, with the bag over her shoulder.
Ron greets her with a stony look. He bolts the front door as
the dogs run to her. He arms the security system and turns
out the lights. They walk upstairs in the dark, dogs


You're impossible!
Reggie exercises in the gym with Sarge. No real
conversation, just a strong fit woman taking pleasure in her
This scene is in Reggie's office. She is on her computer and
we focus on her typing on FACEBOOK. In the background, the
top of William Penn's hat is visible on the top of Philly's
City Hall.
Suddenly, amidst the kudos from her friends on FACEBOOK, her
face registers shock. She starts typing furiously.
Hey, gorgeous! Yes! Yes! I want to
be your friend. Do I know you? Did
I meet you in a bar or at work?
Really! You don't remember me? I
thought we knew each other rather
I never forget a pretty face, but
where and when did we meet?
I thought I made a better
impression on you last night...
how do you feel this morning? You
were quite the cut up last night.


For real! Did I give you my card?
Did I sing for you, or make you
Come on now! Don't be shy...you
don't remember me? NOTHING? NO BAD
OMG! I have a little vague memory
of some dust up last night...OMG,
OMG...I am so sorry! I was so
drunk, it was a mistake. Swear!
Nothing like this has ever
happened to me before! OMG! I
never meant to do this. OMG, I'm
screwed. I can't apologize enough.
Damn straight you're sorry! You're
gonna be even more sorry when you
get arrested. I filed a complaint
against you last night. The cops
are getting a search warrant for
your apartment and an arrest
warrant for you today! Let the


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
OMG! OMG! Please, I'm begging you,
please don't go through with this.
I'm begging you. I am a stock
trader...I just got out of
college. I am an honest person...I
was so f'ed up last night. I lost
my biggest client yesterday. The
market is tanking...I'm not making
any money. I swear to God, it was
a total mistake! Did you get all
your stuff back? Did I even touch
anything? I swear I was so drunk
last night...I don't remember
anything. If I get arrested, I'll
never work again. What can I do to
make it up to you? Crawl on my
knees? Work with lepers? I'll join
Mother Teresa's crew in Mumbai!
I'll be a slumdog! Jesus Christ!
Please help me with this! What can
I do to convince you that it was a
mistake?? Please, I'm a big, dumb,
F'ing Irish boy who drank too much
last night. Please forgive me! I
swear it was a total drunken f'ing
Why should I believe you? You
behaved terribly last night! Would
you be any less guilty if you had
gotten behind a wheel last night
and killed somebody? Do you think
I should trust you?
Everybody who knows me would vouch
for me! I swear...please hold off.
You got your stuff back. There was
no bad intentions. I'll do


                       LIAM (cont'd)
CHILL, ASSHOLE...I have to get
back to work. I'll think about it.
Reggie shuts down her FACEBOOK conversation and sits back in
her chair, exhausted, before her day really starts. She
picks up her phone and dials a number.
Get me Hanson at the human
resources company, please. Yes,
I'll hold.
She picks up a pair of binoculars on her desk and hones in
on the peregrine falcons nesting across the street in City
Hall. The mother is feeding her baby eyasses. She is
absorbed with watching them.
Hanson! Hello! Yes, it's Reggie
Heath. I need a favor, please. Can
you do a very deep, ultra-fast
backgroung check on a Liam
Yes, he lives here in
Philly...graduate of University of
Chicago, works at the Stock
Exchange. About 26 years old. I
need everything, criminal,
personal, credit score,
psychiatric. Actually, I need a
procto exam on him...and I need it
really fast. I need it by
2pm...today. Yeah, I know that's
impossible, but that's what we pay
you for. Info! I need all of it.
Business, hmmm, yes. It's an
emergency! Text me everything
Thank you!


The scene ends with the business of the day swirling around
Lunchtime, early spring day on Rittenhouse Square. Sidewalk
tables with diners. Warm sunshine. Daffodils and grape
hyacinths are bursting at the edge of the Square. Ron and
Reggie are seated at a table waiting for a client. She is
dressed casually in jeans, Manolos, a bustier and cashmere
sweater. Ron and Reggie have a frost between them.
Well, that was quite a victory
last night, Victoria Regina.
Yeah, no help from you!
Stop it, Reggie! Your behavior
last night was foolhardy! What did
you expect me to do? What you did
was wild, foolish and impulsive!
Who do you think you are, your
Don't bring Johny Brick into this!
This was much more my mother,
McGruff, the crime dog. She would
have been all in for that caper!
Caper! That's the problem, that
wasn't a caper. It was crazy! You
didn't know what kind of person
you were dealing with...and
dragging Heather into it with
you...what the hell! It was
completely irresponsible!
What the hell? You're supposed to
protect me!


Protect you! Who's going to
protect the populous from you?
Since when do you need
I do need protecting! You're
supposed to take a bullet for me.
Bullets! Now we're talking
bullets! You're delusional!
You don't understand. My mom had
to have this discussion with
Maury. You guys completely don't
get it. You're totally supposed to
defend us! Take bullets for us.
And let us go when we need to be
let go.
Reggie, I have two children that
need defending and protecting. You
certainly don't look like you need
very much defending! And I am
sorry that I didn't respond the
way you wanted me to, but you were
very foolish. Ya know, men are
really screwed these days. I can't
fathom exactly what I'm supposed
to do. I'm sorry you had a bad
night, but you acted like a child
and you're damned lucky it turned
out so well for you.
The client approaches the table and they both rise, hands
extended to shake. They smile warmly in unison at the


We have a peregrine falcon's (bird's eye) view on Liam
rushing through the lunchtime crowd to the church. He looks
up at the cross on the steeple and glumly walks up the steps
to the door.
He opens the door and steps inside.
Liam enters the church, sizes up the line of penitents and
picks the shortest line to the confessional. He is nervous
in line and avoids eye contact with others in the church.
The church is warm and quiet. There is a bank of candles
glowing in the background. There are about twenty people at
various locations within the church. No one bothers him. A
penitent leaves the confessional curtain open for him. He
enters, closes the heavy velvet drape and kneels on the
kneeler. A dim light emanates from the screen. The window
opens and the profile of the priest comes into faint view.
Bless me, Father, for I have
sinned. It has been one year since
my last confession.
What is weighing on you, my son?
Father, I'm in a lot of trouble!
I've done a bad thing, two things
maybe...I got very drunk last
night, Father, and I took a
woman's bag with all her stuff in
it, Father. I didn't mean to do
it...it just happened!
So you're telling me that you
stole a woman's purse when you
were drunk last night? Are you
drunk habitually, my son? Or was
this a one time thing?


I guess I am drunk a lot, at
night, Father...but it wasn't a
purse, it was a computer bag, and
it had all her other things in it
too. The problem is, I didn't
remember anything this morning. I
found out on FACEBOOK this morning
from her. She's going to have me
arrested, Father...I'm a stock
trader, Father. If I get arrested,
I'll never work again...the thing
is, I never meant to do anything
Why were you so drunk last night?
The market, Father! Haven't you
seen the television? It's a
nightmare...I lost so much money
yesterday...I lost my biggest
client...we are hemorrhaging
money, Father.
So, as I see it, son, you've
broken three commandments. First,
fifth and tenth! All venial sins,
thank God.
Fifth! I didn't kill anybody,
No, my son. Despair breaks the
first commandment, because you are
doubting God's love for you. The
tenth is obvious, because you
coveted someones goods. The fifth
is more subtle. You didn't kill
anyone, that's true. But
drunkenness kills your soul and
your health over time, and leads
to coarse behavior...that's what


                       FATHER (cont'd)
happened here. Are you sorry for
what you did, truly sorry for your
acts? Are you ready to give
restitution for the things you
took from this woman? Are you
ready to accept God's love and
man's help for your despair?
I guess so, Father, but she
already got all her stuff
back...so how do I make
Did you give the bag back to her?
How did she get her stuff back?
She took it back from me.
So you're telling me that you hit
bottom financially, got really
drunk, stole this woman's bag,
blacked out and somehow she got
her stuff back, and now you're
facing arrest? I'm a little
confused...how did she get her
stuff back?
I guess I DID black out. She
apparently came to my apartment
last night with a friend and...I
don't know, she just TOOK her
stuff back. It gets worse,
Father...I pissed myself, right in
front of her...(crying a little
now) Father, I have never felt so
low...so ashamed...so scared. She
called the cops on me,
Father...they're coming for me
today. Please help me, Father!


Well, your restitution is almost
done, your despair and drinking
are obviously out of control and
you need real help with those
things. Listen son, You need to
sincerely apologize to this woman,
you need to make an offering to a
charity for the trouble you have
caused her. You need to beg her to
take mercy on you. Whatever
happens with the arrest, you'll
have to be a man about it. I can
give you God's forgiveness, but
you have a lot of work to
do...today! Right now, when you
leave this church. This is it. A
Rosary daily for the strength you
need, apologize to this woman,
make a donation to a charity in
her name. And son, you need to go
to AA. You need to dry out. Come
back in a week and let me know
what happens...I'm here at lunch
for confessions. Father A, that's
all you need to know. You come
Liam murmurs the Act of Contrition and the priest dispenses
Absolution. Liam leaves the church.
Reggie and Ron enter the office door after lunch and the
receptionist greets them warmly. There are flower
arrangements behind her.
Well, somebody is very popular
She grins and hands Reggie a huge basket of yellow daffodils
and a card. Behind her is a second vase, much more austere
with a very modern, zen-like arrangement. Ron looks a little


perplexed. Reggie opens the card from the large yellow
arrangement. She reads it and starts to smile.
It's from the perp.
What does he have to say for
He donated $500 to Alex's Lemonade
stand in my name. He is begging
for forgiveness.
Charming...and the others?
Reggie opens the other card.
Ohh....from you. Much more my
taste in flowers...thanks.
Are you actually feeling a little
sorry for him?
A little.
What now, Reggie?
Maybe I'll go check on him a
little and see what I can find
out. I have some feelers out. I
have to check on them.
As you wish, Princess Buttercup.
I'm going back to work. I have a
business to run here. I'll be in
my office.


Ron exits to his office and Reggie goes into her office. She
opens her laptop and starts typing. She goes on FACEBOOK and
checks her status. Dozens of friends are commenting about
her "caper" from last night. McAloon has written
I am crawling on my knees now.
Please have mercy on me. I have
already gone to confession at St.
John's at lunchtime. Did you get
my flowers and peace offering?
Yes. Thanks. I'm mulling it over.
You're mulling my fate?
Yes. I'll get back to you when I
make a decision.
She shuts him off and goes to her email. She opens an urgent
email from Hanson, the human resources guy.
McAloon is clean. College boy.
University of Chicago. Finance
major. 3.4 GPA. No priors. Works
as a trader at the Philadelphia
Stock Exchange. All pictures on
Facebook involve drinking. No
DUIs. Doesn't own a car. Rents in
a nice building. Pays rent on
time. Credit rating good for a guy
his age. $1000.00 left in checking
account. No appreciable savings.
Some college loans. Grew up in
Wilkes-Barre. Parents and sibs
still there. Plays rugby on
weekends locally. Volunteered in


                       HANSON (cont'd)
an orphanage in Guatemala in
college. Known to frequent Gen-Y
watering holes after work. No
current girlfriend. Very clean
guy...too much booze in his life
Thanks. Great work. Bill me.
Reggie sits back in her chair and closes the laptop. She
goes out on her balcony with Gnit. She dials her sister
Louisa May.
The peregrine falcon flies menacingly overhead. Reggie shoos
Gnit into the office and shuts the door.
Louisa May...it's me. Wow! What a
wild twenty hours! It's not even a
whole day yet. You heard about the
whole thing by now, from Mom and
Screen splits between them. Louisa May is eight months
pregnant. She is up on a ladder stenciling a wall while her
four year old son zooms in the background with Transformer
toys. Louisa May balances her phone on the paint tray, on
the ladder, on speaker phone. She wobbles a bit and recovers
her balance.
                       LOUISA MAY
Yeah, I saw it all play out on
FACEBOOK. It's bizarre how it's
all so PUBLIC! You're gonna get
thousands of comments on this day,
sister. Are the cops arresting
him? It's totally awesome that you
and Heather solved the crime
yourself, but it was really rash
of you. But this is why I live
vicariously through you...the
'burbs are boring!


One problem, now I'm thinking he
is a total screw up. I did a
background check on him. He seems
to be a dopey frat boy who got
drunk and made a mistake. The cops
haven't called me back yet, and
now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't
have him arrested. I mean,
actually, I got everything back. I
got my revenge. I mean, he PEED
himself, for God's sake. Maybe I
should just let him go now. If I
turn him in, I might ruin his
                       LOUISA MAY
I have to get off this ladder. Are
you saying you are actually
thinking of dropping the charges?
He sent me flowers and made a $500
donation to Alex's Lemonade Stand
in my name. He's not such a
                       LOUISA MAY
Is he a stock trader?
Yeah! He actually offered to
handle my money! He said he is a
pretty good trader, but the market
is tanking and he lost his biggest
client yesterday. That's why he
went out and got drunk.
                       LOUISA MAY
Please, Reggie! Listen to
yourself! What if he's a
"MINI-MADOFF" and mishandles other
people's money?


He has an unblemished record,
except for the drinking. I think
he was really sauced and he made a
terrible mistake! I think he needs
not to get drunk so much.
                       LOUISA MAY
What, now you're gonna take him to
AA? Listen to yourself...you're
defending him!
Well...I wouldn't take him
personally, but I don't think it
would be a bad idea for him.
                       LOUISA MAY
I can hear it in your voice, rough
on the outside, soft inside. Call
me later, kid. You always were for
the underdog. Think about what
you're doing here. I love you.
Love you, too. Bye.
Reggie goes through her office and walks to a door in the
This is a no-dialogue, all-visual scene. Music is Terrence
Howard's "SANCTUARY" (with his permission).
Reggie enters a door in the office. It looks like a closet,
but creepy and dark with a ladder in it. It is old and
creaky. She ascends the ladder purposefully and opens a trap
door at the top. She exits into a small round stone cupola
at the very top of the building. The wind is fierce and
whips her hair. She shakily surveys the entire city below
her. The day is windy and beautiful. She slowly makes a 360
degree turn to see the rivers south and west. She hears some
sudden rustling behind her and turns quickly and is
startled. The peregrine falcon has flown over from City Hall


and is screaming and batting her feathers threateningly at
Reggie. She is shaking violently as she realizes how scary
this bird is. She is mesmerized by the falcon's beauty. She
thrusts her right arm out to the bird and holds it still.
The bird flies onto her wrist and looks right into her eyes.
Reggie is transfixed by the moment. The bird is calm on her
wrist for just a few seconds. She raises her arm and the
bird takes off and soars off to her nest across the way in
City Hall. The song ends.
Reggie is at her desk, faithful Gnit on the couch next to
her desk. The Iphone rings. She picks it up.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Hello, Ms. Heath...Detective
Nardello. I just want you to know
that I have obtained the search
warrant and arrest warrant for
Liam McAloon. I'll be serving him
at his apartment today at about
Nevermind, Detective. I've decided
not to pursue this matter any
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Excuse me, Ms. Heath, what exactly
are you saying? Do you want to
drop changes?
Yes, that's what I'm saying. I
don't want him to be arrested.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Uh-mm, I went to his apartment
myself last night and I got back
all my stuff.


                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Are you telling me that you did
this by yourself?
No, I took my girlfriend Heather
with me.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Oh, I see. So your money,
computer, tax returns, wallet,
credit cards...everything was
Yup, that's what I'm saying!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
I see. Did he give them up
willingly or did you and your
sidekick, Heather, do something
Shaky, maybe, but not illegal. He
was really drunk. He's just a
sloppy kid. He swears that it was
accidental and that it was the
worst mistake of his life! I did a
background check on him and he
comes up clean. He never had any
priors. Just a stupid, drunk, frat
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
You wouldn't consider a job with
the police department, would ya?
Thanks, no. I think our work here
is done. Thank you, Detective.
Good night!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Good night, Angel!


Reggie turns off the Iphone and flips her laptop open. She
goes onto FACEBOOK and wall-to wall chats with Liam. The
rest of the scene is typewritten.
You're off the hook.
Serious. I'm dropping all charges
against you...if you do a few
Name them... Rob a bank? Just
kidding! What is it? I'll do
anything you want.
Alcoholics Anonymous for you and
the dog park and a groomer for
your pooch! Man up!
You think I'm an alchy with a
dirty dog???
Yeah, I do!
Ouch! That's harsh...but maybe
some self examination wouldn't


Yeah, start with some apartment
cleaning and some dog grooming.
That pee spot on your carpet
wasn't from your dog! She needs
walking/grooming STAT! You need AA
You're a lifestyle coach!
Don't sass me, shithead! I can
make that warrant happen real
quick again! Clean yourself up,
man! I want immediate action on
this! Today, and you better do it!
I have ways of checking on you!
You're right! I'm eternally
grateful! Seriously, I'm calling a
carpet cleaner as soon as I get
done with you, deep cleaning, dog
grooming and maybe some AA
meetings for me.
Forget the deep cleaning, just rip
those repulsive carpets up! No
"maybe" about the meetings. I want
to see a 90 days sober pin in your
possession in 90 days...I'll be
checking. Get on with it now!
You're exhausting me.
I am in your deep debt,
Reggie...thank you!


Reggie closes her laptop and sits back in her chair. She
closes her eyes as the sun starts to fade against the
backdrop of Billy Penn's statue atop City Hall.
Reggie walks into Ron's office. The winter sun is sinking
and the room is darkening. She is hesitant. Ron looks up
from his desk...he is drawing.
What's up?
I let him go.
Yeah. He seemed very contrite,
maybe this was a teachable moment
for him.
Teachable moment? Now you're
Not really. He's just a kid. He
screwed up. He is very sorry. I
told him to go to AA....groom his
dog and get his carpets
cleaned...I just don't want to
ruin his life!
Ron gets up and embraces Reggie. She puts her head on his
shoulder and tears run down her cheeks. Ron pulls back and
looks at her face.
I'm sure it's been a very weird
twenty four hours for you, hasn't
it? I wish I had protected you a
little more, but really, this is
the problem with hyper-competent


                       RON (cont'd)
women. They do everything for
themselves so quickly and so well,
then they get pissed off that a
man hasn't stepped in for them. I
had a chance to cover your back...
and I just didn't think it was
that important! I never really
thought you were going to confront
him. I never thought you would do
something that dangerous and
impulsive! Sometimes I don't
really know when you NEED me.
Yeah...but I do need you
sometimes. A lot of the time.
Friends now?
Both of us? Liam and me?
      (wipes her nose)
Weirdly, yes. I don't know why I'm
feeling a little sympathetic
towards him. Maybe I have a little
"Stockholm Syndrome".
      (kisses her
You're a regular Patty Hearst. Get
back to work. Reggie...you're a
good person, you know that?


Reggie sits at her desk and open her laptop to FACEBOOK.
She is shocked by the streams of kudos and comments she has
generated on her page. The camera can roll down the FACEBOOK
page and let the viewer see the many comments.
This is a silent scene. It is evening and Liam is pulling up
the dirty carpet form his apartment. He continues cleaning
his apartment for a awhile. His dog, Jade, is by his side.
Liam walks through the door of a AA meeting room. He sits
down in a fold-up chair and listens attentively to a speaker
at the front of the room. When his time comes he stands up.
Hi, I'm Liam and I'm an alcoholic.
The scene fades out.
Silent scene shows Liam returning to the confessional to
speak to the priest.
Beautiful spring day. April flowers and trees in bloom
everywhere. McAloon is sober now and walking his dog, a
female spaniel, in the park. He sees Reggie from afar. She
is walking her two dogs, Henry (the English Mastiff) and
Gnit (the Chihuahua). He steps out from behind a tree and
falls in next to her.
Reggie, is it you?


Oh, Liam! Oh my God...I'm
surprised to see you here!
She moves defensively back and Henry, the Mastiff, lets out
a low threatening bark. Gnit paces nervously back and forth,
yapping loudly.
Boys, stop! Stay! They're very
protective of me.
Point taken!
Ohh! What's your puppy's name?
Reggie bends down to approach his dog. She wets her fingers
with her saliva and holds her hand out to his dog. The puppy
wags her tail and comes to her.
Jade. Her name is Jade. She likes
you! Reggie, can I call you
Reggie? I feel like I know you,
and I just want to thank you for
what you have done for me. I want
you to know that I've been going
to AA for the last few weeks...
It's a little rocky and I don't
know what to do with myself at
night after the meetings, so I've
been cleaning a lot and taking
Jade for walks a lot...but I feel
lighter, somehow. Clarified, if
you will.
Clarified. That's good. Really,
really good.


I'm so sorry for what I did...
really, really sorry. I feel
shitty about it.
It's all done. It's all over in my
head. I have to admit, I had a
little fun playing with you.
I'm all cleaned up now. But this
whole process has
Do you only use adjectives that
begin with the letter "C"?
They both fall into an awkward silence. The dogs are busy
sniffing each other.
I've got to get going...stay well.
Stay dry.
The "C" words again, bye!
Bye! Thanks, Reggie. Cool!
She walks away with her dogs. He watches her for a little


This scene just shows comments after notes being forwarded
around FACEBOOK at a progressively faster pace, like the old
newspaper scenes in movies with the printing presses going
faster. This time it is Reggie and Liam's story taking ever
more permutations and comments on, till it hits a "viral"
point on the internet.
Reggie is walking across the Square, with trusty Iphone in
hand, talking to her mother with the Bluetooth on. Split
screen scene between Reggie and Dr. Anna Drew.
                       DR. DREW
Dr. Drew here...to whom am I
Hey, Mom, it's me.
                       DR. DREW
Hey, Reggie, how are you?
Giant shitstorm coming my way!
                       DR. DREW
What are you talking about?
It's the robbery that never dies!
                       DR. DREW
What? Tell me, now what?
Have you ever heard of Gawker.com?
                       DR. DREW
No, should I? Never heard of it.
Lucy said something to me last
night about Gawker.com, but I was
busy and not really listening.
What is it? Oh, by the way, I


                       DR. DREW (cont'd)
ordered the Tub Gin online and got
it. I had a gin and tonic...it was
really good! I'm giving it out to
everybody as presents!
No, no, Mom, you've got it all
wrong. Good, I'm glad you got the
Tub gin, but Gawker.com is
something completely different.
It's a website for gossip, like
Perez Hilton.com.
                       DR. DREW
Perez Hilton...I hate that kind of
crap! I don't waste my time with
that shit...what does that have to
do with you?
Unfortunately, a lot! Somehow this
whole "Girl Solves Own Crime With
FACEBOOK" thing has gone viral,
this website called Gawker.com has
picked it up and posted a big
picture of me off my FACEBOOK
page, and made me their "HERO OF
THE DAY"! Now I'm fielding phone
calls from Charlie Gibson, Katie
Couric and of course, our own
Jennaphr Frederick! Charlie Gibson
wants to do a podcast with me. The
Chicago Tribune wants to interview
me. This story is worldwide now.
It's insane! Everybody wants me!
I'm freakin' out! You know I don't
like publicity!
                       DR. DREW
Whew! This is crazy, but you of
all people know there is no such
thing as bad publicity! What are
you gonna do?


I don't know yet. I'm nervous
about the whole thing! I'm
completely panicked!
                       DR. DREW
You didn't seem so panicked when
you basically busted down
McAloon's door and got your stuff
This is different, Mom. This is
me, in front of a camera. You know
that's never been my thing. I'm a
behind the camera girl. Jennifer
Frederick is coming to my office
to interview me.
                       DR. DREW
What does Ron think of all this?
Like you, he thinks there is no
such thing as bad publicity.
                       DR. DREW
What about McAloon?
I've taken everything off my
FACEBOOK referring to him, but he
is very nervous...he could be
                       DR. DREW
You're not gonna out him, are you?
No, no. He's shitting a brick,
though. He actually got a little
snitty with me on FACEBOOK last
night when I told him about all
this. He threatened legal action
if he was outed!


                       DR. DREW
Did he forget that you have an
outstanding warrant with his name
on it?
Apparently, yes. Here's the weird
thing...I met him the other day.
                       DR. DREW
In the flesh?
Yeah, at the Schuylkill River Dog
                       DR. DREW
Wow! What was he like?
Contrite, puppyish...kinda sweet.
                       DR. DREW
Ahh, God. Do you have a crush on
No, no. Me, certainly not, but I'm
pretty sure he has one on me.
                       DR. DREW
This is completely bizarre! The
whole thing..."Artificial Intimacy
Caused by Artificial
Intelligence". That's what it
should be called! This whole
affair is off the hook! You really
need to get a grip...people like
this can really get unhinged! Now
you know everything about
him...but he knows everything
about you! Where you work, where
you live, where you walk your
dogs, for Christ's sake!


I guess we have to put our focus
on...ya know...how we all live,
cause it's all exposed out there.
We are naked before God and the
Internet! Everyone's life is
completely out there. I guess the
moral of the story is that you
have to live your life like your
mom is watching...cause she is,
and so is everybody else.
                       DR. DREW
Good luck with Jennifer
Frederick...I always found her a
little too chipper. Call me when
it's over, bye!
Bye, Mom. I guess I'm about to
have my "15 Minutes of Fame".
Reggie is nervous as a camera crew from Fox 29 sets up in
her office. She has her laptop set up on her desk open to
the FACEBOOK page. She has been careful to delete anything
with Liam's name on it.
                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK
      (speaking to the
Here we have the strange tale of a
Philly girl whose story has made
it around the world. The power of
"social media", namely Facebook,
has spread her story virally, and
now months later, she finds
herself the "HERO OF THE DAY" on a
gossip website, Gawker.com. Reggie
Heath had her computer bag with
her money, wallet, tax returns and
credit card taken by the fellow
next to her at the bar of a
well-known local eatery. By the
time the Philadelphia police got


                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK (cont'd)
to the restaurant, Reggie had
tracked down the thief from his
name on the receipt on FACEBOOK,
knew everything about him, GOOGLED
his address and ID'd him from his
profile picture. That's when she
found out that police have to
follow procedure. What happened
next, Reggie?
Well, I decided to take matters
into my own hands after I found
out that the cops would have to
wait until the next day to get a
warrant to search his apartment
and to get an arrest warrant. The
detective told me he was on
overtime, and couldn't do anything
until the next day!
                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK
Wow! That must have made you very
upset! What happened next?
Well, actually, the whole thing
made me furious. I walked home in
the rain, broke my good high heel
on South Street and was accosted
by a crackhead looking for a
handout who followed me home. When
I explained that I had nothing to
give him and told him why, he
actually planted the seed in my
head to take care of it myself.
                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK
So do you usually take advice from
Not normally, but he was a very
polite, well-spoken crackhead!


                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK
Oh, that makes a difference...so
then, what happened?
Well, I thought about it for a few
minutes and I called my girlfriend
and we got into his building, and
eventually were able to confront
him, with the super's help...and
then, he was really drunk...I saw
my stuff right there in front of
me. So, my friend, she grabbed the
bag, and well...I was able to get
all my things back.
                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK
So how did the thief take all
this? Did he fight back? Weren't
you two scared?
As I said...he was very drunk.
There was really no resistance at
all. I was so mad just then, I
suppose I really didn't think it
all through. I was afraid that he
was an identity thief and that my
credit would be ruined if he got
hold of all that information. It
was everything, you know...social
security numbers, tax returns,
credit cards. It could have been a
disaster for me. I was working on
pure adrenaline.
                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK
So the next day, the alleged thief
goes on FACEBOOK and "friends" you
and finds out about all this? Did
he have a blackout?
Yes, basically, that's what
happened. He never had any trouble
and after a lot of thought, I
decided not to pursue


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
charges. I mean, I got everything
back...it was never even touched.
I think he made a very big
mistake, but I don't think there
was any bad intent.
                       JENNAPHR FREDERICK
Well, there you have it! This is
the City of Brotherly Love. Girl
solves own crime with Iphone and
FACEBOOK, gets her goods back
herself with a girlfriend, and
forgives her nemesis, all in one
day! All this, and the story gets
around the world in a few weeks by
the power of social networking...I
guess the moral of the story is,
hold onto your bag in public...and
there is no privacy for anyone
anymore, not even thieves! This is
what makes my job fun! Back to
you, Mike!
Interview ends. Reggie shows them out of her office, then
returns to her desk. Once again, she opens her laptop and
accesses FACEBOOK. Liam is on chat. She goes wall-to-wall.
I'm shitting a brick that someone
will pick up my identity.
I've cleaned up my FACEBOOK
completely. I suggest you do the
same. Make sure all your
correspondence with me is in the
filtered box.
OK. I'm really not good with all
this exposure. I'm feeling really


Me, too. Between us, I'm done with
this whole thing. That interview
was unnerving! This incident has
to end.
Yeah... It's a little like
"Groundhog Day".
One of my personal faves!
Mine too! I feel a little like
Bill Murray. Maybe this is my path
to better personhood. Maybe you
are my Andie McDowell character?
Now you stepped over a boundary
again! Maybe this is the perfect
time to end this relationship!
This really has to stop taking
over my life!
Please, I'm not ready for that!
What, now you're gonna stalk me??
No, No! Nothing like that. It's
just that...you have really
changed my life, for the better! I
was really leading a, shall we
say, unexamined life. Now I'm dry.
I'm thinking about my actions


                       LIAM (cont'd)
before I do them. I'm scared for
my future, and how I messed up. I
am so grateful for your
forgiveness, and I feel you have
kick started my life. I'm not
ready to give you up.
All that is very flattering, but
maybe we really need to stop
communicating. I'm starting to
feel too much sympathy for you.
Really now, goodbye.
Good night...not goodbye.
Reggie closes her laptop and turns the lights off in her
Ron, Reggie and Heather walk into James restaurant to lots
of claps from the regulars. The segment has aired on TV and
is the buzz in town. Michaela, the pregnant owner, greets
You are returning to the scene of
the crime! Only the criminals are
supposed to do that...not the
I am not a victim!
Yeah, I think we all know that!
He is a gentleman and seats Heather and Reggie before he
sits down in the semi-circular booth.


Tub gin & tonics all around!
So, that was a lot of
for you. How ya holding up?
Tense, tired, ya know. I just
can't believe how much attention
this little caper has garnered. I
don't like it. You know how
private I am.
Yeah, I know. You seem a little
changed by the whole thing.
Changed...how has she changed?
You know, the braggadocio you
usually have (he looks right at
Reggie), the swagger...your sails
are not so puffed. You seem a
little deflated. Just the opposite
for you, Heather. You seem to be
enjoying it all way too much!
Uhmmm... maybe, I guess I learned
some lessons here.
What might those lessons be,
Sensei? (she puts her hands in the
praying position, mockingly)
Oh! That I have good, crazy
friends who will follow me into
hell! (she raises her glass to
Heather). That I am confused by my


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
feelings about the whole incident!
I feel mean and victorious, all at
once. Remorseful that I shamed
Liam. Happy that I stood up for
myself. Uncertain of how much
you're supposed to stick up for
me, Ron. And ready to put it all
behind me. But I can't. It has a
cyberlife, all its own. My mom is
right. It is "Artificial Intimacy
Caused By Artificial Intelligence"
Hah! I just want it to go away!
Let's put this baby to bed!
They drink.
Reggie exits her building onto Broad Street. It is busy in
the afternoon and she is rushing to an appointment. She is
completely caught off guard by Detective Nardello falling in
next to her on the sidewalk.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Nice performance last night, Ms.
Holy shit! You scared me! Oh, you
saw the interview?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Didn't everybody? Thanks!
What, you have a problem with it?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Yes, I have a problem! I look like
an incompetent asshole, as does
the whole department! You can't


                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO (cont'd)
imagine the flak I took today!
Is this an official
conversation...'cause if it isn't,
I think I have to end it, now!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
No, I'm sorry, can we just duck in
here for a minute...I need to talk
to you.
Reggie looks at her watch and sighs, they are outside the
Kimmel Center. He opens the door for her. She sighs and
steps inside. He follows. There is a cafe inside.
                                         INSIDE THE KIMMEL
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (looks at her
       watch again)
Thanks, yeah. I'll have a skim
latte double shot espresso, small.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Crack might be cheaper.
He orders the coffee, while she sits at a small cafe table.
He comes back with the two coffees and sits across from her.
She looks at him for the first time and realizes what a
handsome man he is. He is mixed-race, with beautiful light
eyes. He looks at her with a much softer expression on his
face this time.
Thanks for the coffee. What do you
need to talk about?


                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
All of a sudden, I don't know. I
lost my train of thought. I had
this whole speech rehearsed about
how you made me look bad, made the
department look bad, acted
recklessly, let a perp off the
hook, terrorized the streets of
Philadelphia with your badass
vigilante justice...and right now,
I'm just lookin' at this perfectly
charming, lady-like girl, sitting
across from me and thinking, "Who
is this chick...and why can't I
So what, do I have to apologize to
you too? Do I have to worry about
your feelings too? Is it not
enough that my boyfriend was mad
at me, that I had to practically
send the perp to rehab and
befriend him, and now you too?
Will this nightmare never end?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Madonne! Are you Italian?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Me too! What's your other half?
Irish! And a touch of Native
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
I'm a little of that, too! Plus a
whole lotta brother!


Well then, I guess that makes
everything all right between us,
right, Piasan?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
I think so. Listen, you be careful
out there. I'm sorry I was mad. I
had no right. You were
honestly...pretty awesome. Not too
many guys would have the balls,
sorry, that you did. You're okay,
Ms. Heath. Crazy, maybe...but
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (he stands)
Martin. See ya.
Yeah...see ya, Martin.
They part. Detective Nardello holds the door of the Kimmel
center for her and they both exit onto Broad Street.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Watch that internet, Reggie! You
can't imagine the shit that's
going on there! It's the new Wild
He tips his pork pie hat to her and disappears into the
She takes a deep breath, continues down Broad Street and
gets lost in the crowd.
Reggie is shopping for food after work, cruising up and down
the aisles, squeezing vegetables, smelling flowers, eating
bits of sampled foods that are out on display. She can't


shake the feeling that somebody is watching her. She turns
and scans her aisle several times, shrugs...and continues
with her shopping.
At the end of an aisle her cart intersects with a man's
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Hey! You're that girl!
Do I know you?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Yeah! I think so...it's me,
Curtis, the Super! From the
Ohhh. Curtis, the super! Jesus
Christ, this never ends, does it?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Well, what did I do?
Oh, nothing! I'm sorry. I just
didn't recognize you. And I've
been under a little stress lately.
You look different...better.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
I'm not drunk all the time! I
clean up pretty good!
It's just that this whole thing
has taken on a life of its own.
I'm sick of it.


                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Yeah, your little boyfriend must
be sick of it all too! He has
certainly cleaned himself up! No
more noise, no more
partying...taking that little dog
of his for walks, all regular and
all. He's just a pillar of the
community now!
Well, that's good to hear. He's
not my boyfriend, you know, just
to be perfectly clear. There was
never anything going on between
us. I never saw him before that
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Hey, you don't have to justify to
me! You had me fooled though...you
were pretty slick. You and your
girlfriend! You two was HOT!
(laughing) You girls kicked some
butt! Those security girls were so
burned...I didn't hear the end of
it for days!! I tell ya what. You
guys torched that place! It ain't
seen no action like that in ages!
That place so white, it half-dead!
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Whoops! I didn't mean nothin' by
No offense taken...you have to
really get in my grill to offend
me. Anyway, thanks for your help
that night. I never did get to
thank you. I could have never
gotten my stuff back without you!
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
It wasn't nothin'.


Thanks just the same! Thanks! See
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
See ya!
She turns and heads to the register and checks out.
Reggie is once again at her computer. She is on FACEBOOK
with her mom, Dr. Anna Drew.
Mom, I can't go anywhere in Philly
anymore! I met Curtis, the Super
from Liam's building, at the Whole
Foods market on South Street last
night. Detective Nardello
surprised me outside the office
yesterday! I can't go anywhere
people don't know me! I didn't ask
for any of this!
                       DR. DREW
Sorry, fame has its problems. I
got about twenty calls from people
after that Fox interview. I hope
you're not doing anymore.
You know what I always say about
Philly, it's the smallest town of
all big cities! It's almost
incestuous! You really can't talk
about ANYBODY, cause everybody
knows everybody else!! You should
try to lie low for a while...maybe
get out of town. Can you and Ron
get away?
You must be kidding! I'll never do
another interview again! Why


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
anybody wants to call attention to
themselves is beyond me. I wish we
could get away for a little, but
thank God, we have too much work.
In this economy, we're grateful to
be busy.
                       DR. DREW
This too will all pass...just try
to stay out of trouble! You always
were a stinker! Gotta go.
Beautiful spring day at the dog park. People are jogging,
kids are playing. People are lounging on benches, walking
their dogs, soaking up the sun. Reggie is walking her dogs
as usual on a Saturday morning. She has the Bluetooth in her
ear and is chatting as usual. Split screen.
Hi Mom, whatcha doin'?
                       DR. DREW
Laundry, what else? Do people
think doctors have full time help
any more? We're the proletariat.
I'm sorry I didn't become a
lawyer, except that I would have
had to sell my immortal soul to
the Devil!
Are you selling pencils on the
corner yet?
                       DR. DREW


Then shut your piehole!
                       DR. DREW
When did you get permission to
speak to me like that?
Well, never, but what are you
gonna do about it?
                       DR. DREW
I'll hit you!
You and what midget army? You're
4'10 1/2" the last time I looked!
                       DR. DREW
I'll stand on a step stool and hit
you, you little bitch... I'm still
your mother, and I'll hit you if
you need it! What did you call me
about, except to harass me?
So,is Maury doing the Philly
Triathalon tomorrow?
                       DR. DREW
What, you're Jewish now?? When did
you start talking like that? Yes,
he's doing it.
Are you gonna go? I thought we
could go over to West River Drive
and watch him run into the turn
                       DR. DREW
Sure, I thought I'd go. I haven't
watched him in years, since he
stopped winning marathons, but I
should be there if he keels over
from this friggin' triathlon. It's


                       DR. DREW (cont'd)
his first tri, and you know, these
middle-aged men, they like to
croak when they're competing. It
would look shabby if the widow
wasn't present. Besides, I could
do CPR!
Okay, love the gallows humor, but
he'll be fine. Come to my house
around 9AM, we'll take the Vespa
cause there's no parking there.
We'll pull up on the lawn and
we'll be able to cheer him on.
                       DR. DREW
OK. I'll see ya tomorrow. I'll be
at your house at about 8:45. See
Ciao! Manana!
Reggie continues her walk with her dogs. Once again, Liam
scares her with a surprise visit at the dog park.
Jesus! Liam, you scared me! What
are you doing here?
I'm doing what you told me to
do...walking my dog! You haven't
answered any of my posts, Reggie!
Oh, Liam, I thought we were going
to let this die a natural death!
Well, I have to admit that I don't
want to do that! You're way too
important to me...I don't want to
lose our relationship. I have
tickets for the Phillies tonight


                       LIAM (cont'd)
and I can see from his FACEBOOK
that Ron is busy tonight. Do you
want to go to the game with me? I
admit, I really missed you and I
have a very big crush on you!
That's the lack of booze talking.
Strange as it may seem, I kinda
miss you too. But here's the
deal...in the real world, in my
real life, I really love my
boyfriend, Ron. I really love my
real life...and I have to say,
just friends for us, Liam. No
romance, no Hollywood ending.
That's all bullshit and I'm 100%
no bullshit kinda girl.
Reggie extends her hand to shake his. Liam takes her hand
and instead of shaking it, he turns it over and kisses it
gently. She does not pull back. She removes her hand slowly.
He looks her straight in the eye. They are both a little
Now, get out of my dog park!
There's one closer to your house!
I'll see you on FACEBOOK!
Reggie walks away from Liam with her dogs, Henry and Gnit in
tow. Liam is left at the park, with the freshly groomed Jade
by his side.
Dr. Drew pulls up to Reggie's house in her cherry red
Mercedes coupe. It is a beautiful June day. She parks
"Philly-style," slightly bumping cars on either end of the
parking space until she achieves her goal. She calls Reggie
from the car rather than go into her house.


                       DR. DREW
Hey, I'm here! I'm outside. You
should see the parking space I
I'll be right out. I have a helmet
for you.
                       DR. DREW
Reggie exits her house and Dr Drew exits her car. Reggie
hands her a helmet and they both don them. They get on
Reggie's bright orange Vespa and take off. Ron sticks his
head out the door to them.
Be careful, Ladies! I'm gonna jog
over to the turn-around in the
park...I'll meet you there on West
River Drive.
                                         OUTDOORS ON THE
The ride takes them through Rittenhouse, over the beautiful
Benjamin Franklin Parkway, around the water-spouting Swan
Fountain and finally to the Logan Circle in front of the
Philadelphia Art Museum and down the road to West River
Drive. Reggie pulls up on the grass,and they make their way
through the throngs of people to the turn-around point of
the Philadelphia Triathlon.
WOW! Big crowd!
                       DR. DREW
Yeah, it's great! What time is it?
Maury should be here any minute.
You know he has his splits all
estimated ahead of time...so
compulsive! I hope he's on time,
otherwise he'll be a sulking baby
all week.


I'm sure he's doing fine...oh
Christ, is that who I think it is?
                       DR. DREW
What's going on? Who are you
talking about?
Jeez, I think I just made eye
contact with Curtis, the Super
from that building. He's on the
other side of the street. Oh no,
he's heading this way.
                       DR. DREW
Avert your eyes! Maybe he'll take
the hint!
Ughhh! No chance, he has a dog
with him...a cute little pit bull,
of course...can't anybody leave me
Curtis, the Super, makes his way through the crowd with his
pit bull till he is right in front of Reggie and Dr. Drew.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Well, well, Ms. Heath! Very nice
to see you out this morning for
the Triathlon! And yet another
lovely girlfriend...do you travel
in packs?
Curtis! How nice to see you this
morning! This is my mother, Dr.
Drew! What brings you out today?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
She couldn't possibly be your
mother... she looks too young.
What, you must have been twelve
when you had her, Ma'am!


He bows ceremoniously to Dr. Drew. He extends his hand to
her. His pit bull is very obedient and sits pretty.
                       DR. DREW
I'm afraid you're a flatterer,
Curtis! I understand you were
instrumental in my daughter's
"Little Caper".
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Well, yes Ma'am, but I only had a
minor role. Your daughter here,
Ms. Reggie Heath, well, she was
the real star!
Whatcha doin' here, Curtis?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
I was a long distance runner in
high school. Ran for Roman
Catholic High School for Boys. I
like to see people run...I guess
you do too, Reggie.
Yeah, my stepfather Maury is
competing today. We came out to
cheer him on. He should be coming
through soon.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Maury Levy, the podiatrist who won
the Philly Marathon long time ago?
Yeah, he's the one! Does it ever
end?? Does everybody in Philly
know everybody??? I can't stand it
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Shit! He took care of my team in
high school! I love that guy! He's
your daddy!! Awesome!


                       DR. DREW
Everybody knows him...I don't get
it. He never opens his mouth at
home, but every where I go, people
know him! I think I see him, way
Oh shit! I think I see somebody
                       DR. DREW
Detective Nardello...now he has a
dog too?
                       DR. DREW
This is getting hinky!
Hinky! Where the hell did you get
that? Allentown?
                       DR. DREW
Yeah, as a matter of fact!
That's just queer! Don't say that
again...Oh God, here comes
Nardello, shit! He's seen me!
Detective Nardello comes through the crowd with his muzzled
German shepherd. He looks at Reggie and her mom, Curtis and
his dog...sizes up the situation.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Ms. Heath, beautiful day for a
triathalon! What brings you here?
Same thing as you, Detective.
Spectating...the ultimate
Philadelphia sport! We are a lazy
people, yes?


                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
And your grilfriend?
My mother, (my sister) Dr. Drew.
You remember Curtis, the Super
from the building. I'm sure you
interviewed him for my case! Let's
see, who isn't here?
                       DR. DREW
Well, I hate to be the bearer of
bad tidings, but I think I see
Liam, from the looks of his
FACEBOOK profile... heading this
way, with his dog too!
Jesus Christ! This is too much!
What the hell, all I need is that
homeless guy, Cracky Crackerson
here, then my day is complete!!!
I can't take this shit another
Liam makes his way through the crowd with Jade on a leash.
She is excited by all the people.
Hey, Reggie! Wow, your mom, Dr.
Drew...I recognize you from your
FACEBOOK picture. Hi! Nice to meet
Liam's dog, Jade, is jumping and barking now. She starts
acting up with Detective Nardello's dog. From behind a tree
a wino calls out.
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Hey, pretty Lady...don't I know
This can't be...Mom! Great, my
crackhead friend Cracky's here
too. Oh God...here comes Maury!
He's doing great!! Look! Go


                       REGGIE (cont'd)
Reggie and Dr. Drew start ringing the cow bells they brought
along for the occasion.
                       DR. DREW
Go Maury!!! Go! Oh holy shit!
Liam relaxes his grip on his leash...Jade runs into the
crowd, agitated from the sound of the cowbells. Jade goes
straight for Maury's leg. She latches on and takes a big
bite. He falls to the ground in pain. The spaniel is still
latched on. Maury punches the dog, relentlessly.
Oh God! Don't punch the dog,
Maury! Stop it! Don't hurt Jade!
She's just a baby!!!
Detective Nardello jumps into the scene to get the dog off
Maury, but Liam steps in to rescue his dog.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Get that friggin' dog off him!
I gonna friggin' kill this dog! I
hate dogs, don't you?
Leave my dog alone!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
You better back off asshole,
before I arrest you this time for
                       DR. DREW
Maury, are you alright?
Yeah, my race is ruined, but I'm
ok...friggin' smelly dogs!


Liam and Detective Nardello are at fisticuffs by now and out
of nowhere, Ron comes running over.
Reggie, what the hell??
Dr. Drew and Maury are on the ground. Liam and Detective
Nardello are in each others faces with their dogs yapping at
each other. Reggie is distraught and Ron steps into the fray
with Liam and Detective Nardello. Curtis and Cracky hang
back, wisely.
      (to Liam)
What are you doing here? Haven't
you caused enough trouble?
I love her...I can't help it!
I'll tell you what you're gonna
love! My fist, asshole!
Ron punches Liam right in the face and drops him. Reggie is
stunned, as is everybody else.
      (rubbing his jaw)
Did you all see that? Detective,
did you see that? Arrest him! He
hit me! That's assault!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
I didn't see nothin', man.
Curtis! Did you see that! He hit
me right in the face!
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
I didn't see nothin' after the dog
bite, man. Your dog took a chunk
outta my podiatrist, man. I think
you better shut your piehole!


                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
      (from behind the
I didn't see nothin'! Just these
damn folks chasing nothin' for no
reason! (he takes another swig
from his bottle)
Ron! I didn't know you had it in
When called upon, even WASPS can
get down to it, Reggie. I think
we're done here for the day.
Ron takes Reggie into his arms and plants a big kiss right
on her lips.
Yeah, let's get Maury home. Mom,
let me help you guys up!
Ron and Reggie get Maury up and help him hobble away. Dr.
Drew is right next to them. The scene fades upward as the
peregrine falcon takes in the aerial view of the River
drive, the Boat Houses and the Art Museum. The bird slowly
circles back to her nest in City Hall. Music swells.
(Terrence Howard's LOVE MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL, with
Silent scene. Ron is in the living room texting on his
Detective, Thanks for keeping an
eye on my girl, Reggie...she's a


Reggie is at the kitchen counter with her laptop. She is on
the FACEBOOK site.


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From Robert Kent Date 5/3/2010 1/2
I thought this started out promisingly. However, it turned out that the characters are all shallow and act like teen-agers. When Reggie referred to Liam as an immature frat boy, I had to laugh, because she had no great claim to maturity herself. i'm probably biased because I don't like the idea of Facebook, but I don't think that viewers of this movie will want to see characters typing back and forth, back and forth about their feelings or their plans, unless they're really significant to the story. Far too many of the dialogue passages are much too long, mostly because they contain too much exposition and repitition. Reggie already mentions the contents of her bag that were stolen the first time, but then that information is repeated at least two or three more times. That may be what we do in real life, recounting a story to family and friends, but for a movie, you have to trust that your audience will remember what's in the bag, or at least remember that the items she lost were important to her. Along that line, the priest's talk and the dialogue from Reggie about what she found out about Liam in Facebook, for example were much too long. No actors are going to want to memorize such lengthy passages of dialogue unless it's like Hamlet's "to be or not to be." A couple of times in your scene descriptions you note where the camera should be pointed out. It's not the screenwriter's job to do that, especially in the first draft. The director and cinematographer will figure that out when they read your descriptions.

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