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by Teresa N Tobin (tntdpm@comcast.net)

Rated: R   Genre: Comedy   User Review: 1/2
Social media interact with events involving theft , vigilante justice, love and dogs in this Philly based rom-com with a female protagonist!



Bird's eye view: A nest is tucked into the highest possible
perch in Philadelphia's City Hall, Billy Penn's hat. A
peregrine falcon looks down on the city. She flies in
ever-widening circles. The sun comes up over the eastern
horizon. It is a frosty, clear March morning . She spots her
prey and slams into the pigeon, killing it on impact. She
swoops back to the nest, victim in her talons. Breakfast is
served. The eyasses open their mouths in a noisy cacophony.
Music up. Philadelphia views open out slowly.
RUBY and DR.DREW walk the dogs, a very large English Mastiff
named Henry and a tiny Chihuahua named GNIT. It is chilly
and muddy on the walkways of the dog park. Many dogs and
people are out on a decent day. The ground is mostly dirty
snow and crunchy grass. The only flowers to poke through are
the snow bells. The dogs sniff them as the women walk slowly
in the park. RUBY is a beautiful 35 year old with black
straight hair and bright green eyes. She is long and lean.
Her mother, DR.DREW is short and trim with a pretty face and
red hair.
      (turning her face
       up to the sun
       with a joyful
Ah, Spring. It can't be long now.
Days like this are a tease. The
promise of change...
                       DR. DREW
So, Ruby, speaking of change,
what's the five year plan here?
Between you and Wesley.
Always pumping for information
Mom. Well, we're comfortable with
living together now. The thing


                       RUBY (cont'd)
with his kids seems to be going
well and the dogs are getting
along great!
                       DR. DREW
      (looks right at
       her daughter)
Well, I'm not talking about dogs.
Long term, are you in love? Are
you thinking about getting
married? Do you want to have a
Babies? Uh-mm, babies, No! I'm not
feeling it at all, Mom. Besides,
Holly is doing all the work for
me! Baby number two on the way.
And a girl! Why bug me?
                       DR. DREW
Because you have good DNA! Never
mind your sister, the planet needs
YOU! It's such a big decision not
to have kids. What's so hard about
motherhood? It's a good long term
Not feeling it Mom. I really love
the life Wes and I are building.
We work hard, we travel. And
Violet and Gabe are enough for me.
I'm pretty happy with teenagers.
                       DR. DREW
      (facing her)
Really? You are a mutant. Nobody
likes teens.
      (bending over to
       pick dog poop up
       in a plastic bag)
Huh, your husband must be a
mutant, too. Ian liked us well


                       RUBY (cont'd)
enough when you guys got married.
                       DR. DREW
That's an established fact! Ian
was very cool with you guys. He is
a rare bird who likes teenagers. I
always feel like I'm being played
like a cheap ukulele after talking
to one.
He was a good stepfather. He knew
the right distance to keep. He
wasn't taken in by all our capers!
                       DR. DREW
He knew when you two were knee
deep in it, that's for sure. But
stepmothering... That's a
completely different animal. I
don't even know what animal it is.
I really couldn't offer any advice
in that domain.
Really? It seems completely
natural to me.
                       DR. DREW
God bless,then. And what's the
plan? You never answered me about
marriage. Are you sure you can't
squeeze a baby out? Freeze some
      (holds her waist)
Ugh, just the thought of my belly
swelling up, it makes me queasy.
Besides, the kids are almost
grown! I like my position. I'm
like the older friend who never
has to discipline.


                       DR. DREW
Well, how do the kids feel about
you? Are they wary? Are they
needy? Are you a friend? I have
nothing to offer you here. Being a
stepmother is a minefield.
They leave the park with the two dogs on leashes and walk
the narrow city streets towards RUBY and WESLEY'S house.
The kids are great! Violet is a
dancer, so that keeps her out of
trouble and Gabe has his guitar
and drums. Wesley is a great
father, very caring. He drives
them wherever they need to go and
even I am driving them here and
there. They are pretty cool kids.
I like the mother-by-proxy thing.
All the gain...none of the stretch
                       DR. DREW
      (elbows Ruby with
       good nature.)
Come on...just one kid. Think
about how much you love your dogs.
Babies are delicious! I'll help
No, I'll pass Mom. Too many
unknowns. I'll take stepmothering!
                       DR. DREW
So, are you thinking of getting
married soon?
Yeah, definitely! He is more ready
than I ... but, I'm there!


                       DR. DREW
Well, he is a good match. Marriage
is not the end of fun! It's just
another phase of life.
We had some good capers
together...you and me.
                       DR. DREW
We did, didn't we? Well, I'm
giving my thumbs up to the match.
      (rolls her eyes)
Mother, is this the seventeenth
century? A good match? Come on,
everybody will be there already.
I'm glad Wes is cooking. I'll do
the clean up!
They walk into the townhouse. It appears small and colonial
on the outside, but the interior is very large and modern.
People are everywhere. RUBY unleashes the dogs and greets
WESLEY with a kiss and a smile. He returns the kiss. The
whole family is gathered for dinner. WESLEY is in the
kitchen cooking, IAN is plopped on the sofa watching
basketball and VIOLET and GABE are setting the table. RUBY'S
sister, HOLLY and her husband and young son are there as
well. RUBY works the crowd with drinks and small talk in the
background. There are dogs, kids and cooking noises. The big
dog jumps up on the sofa next to IAN and he grudgingly
plants his hand on HENRY'S head. The little dog GNIT yaps at
his feet. He shushes GNIT away with his foot and DR. DREW
bends over to give him a kiss.
                       DR. DREW
Hi babe, I see you are in your
element with the dogs.
      (lifts his
Yeah, you know I hate dogs. This


                       IAN (cont'd)
big one, he's not so bad. That
little one, I wish he would shut
up. He's bad for my digestion.
DR.DREW walks into the kitchen area to greet WESLEY.
                       DR. DREW
Hi Wesley.
WESLEY smiles widely and gives her a little cheek kiss. He
is a very handsome, fit man with dimples and warm blue eyes
that crinkle when he smiles.. He is 47 years old, the same
as IAN, but very fashionable, with a light stubble on his
face and short dark hair with a touch of gray. He pulls a
large pan out of the oven and peels the foil back.
Hey, looks good doesn't it?
                       DR. DREW
      (sniffs the aroma)
Smells good too! Thanks for having
us. The big brood. We are noisy
and we eat a lot. We also leave
before all the dishes are done!
It's very nice of you to make all
RUBY enters the kitchen and washes her hands at the sink.
Well, we know a certain person who
doesn't cook!
      (snatching a home
       made French fry)
Right, but she has so many other
RUBY giggles and gives him a hug from behind. DR.DREW ties
an apron around her waist to help serve the food.


                       DR. DREW
Try not to let her get away with
Ah, but she has already slayed my
WESLEY kisses RUBY tenderly,they hug for a moment. WESLEY
picks up the main dish and moves to the table.
Places, everyone, Dinner!
Everyone sits down, dogs settle into begging positions and
IAN straggles to the table, keeping his eye on the game.
      (seated holding a
       glass of white
Welcome! Welcome everyone!
VIOLET taps DR.DREW shyly and motions to the hallway.
Dinner is over and everyone is milling around cleaning up,
      (she is on the
       floor taking off
       her sock)
DR.DREW, can you look at my foot?
                       DR. DREW
What is it, dear?
She offers her foot to Dr.Drew. She bends forward to get a
better look at it.
                       DR. DREW
Yikes, that's a monster! Big, big


I have a dance recital coming up!
It's only a week away. It hurts.
RUBY peeps around the corner.
Hey guys, what's going on? Whoa!
That's a big wart. Where did that
come from?
                       DR. DREW
      (turns to her
Papilloma virus. I can't cure
that in a week. I could laser it
for now, then go back and kill it
off after the recital. Do you
trust me Violet?
Oh sure, let's do that.
DR.DREW turns to RUBY
                       DR. DREW
Let's allow Violet to speak for
Of course I trust you.
Dr.Drew motions with her head to WESLEY, who is in the
kitchen and not aware of what is going on in the hall.
                       DR. DREW
OK! Monday at my office. Ruby,
let's make sure Wesley and
Violet's mom are on board with
this. Wes!


      (comes in from the
Ugh, Violet, that doesn't look so
good. Why didn't you show this to
I thought it would go away!
WESLEY turns to DR.DREW.
Can you fix this? STAT? The
recital is coming up.
                       DR. DREW
I can reduce it, but I can't
completely cure it before the
recital. But I can help with a
laser. Monday. Will it be OK with
your ex?
Sure, sure. I'll talk to her. It
will be fine. Thank you.
                       DR. DREW
      (motions to VIOLET
       to put her sock
OK, then. Monday, at my office,
Violet. I'll take extra special
care of you. Come on people, let's
go! They will make us do the
dishes if we stay any longer.
Thanks for dinner, Wesley and
Ruby. It was perfect.
The Drew's move to the door and exit. RUBY kisses her mom at
the step.
                       DR. DREW
There you go... motherhood. Nice
dinner, Ruby, nice bunch.


Alarm rings. RUBY crosses her arm over the body of her
mastiff, Henry, to shut it off. The chihuahua, GNIT, is
tucked next to the big dog. Light filters softly into the
bedroom as the sun rises. She leans over her dogs and kisses
WESLEY, who stirs in bed. She leaves the room for the
RUBY changes into all black exercise clothes, brushes her
teeth, washes her face and pulls her black hair back into a
pony tail. She puts her ear buds from her iPhone into her
ears and turns off the bathroom light. Music is on, in her
head and in the scene.
RUBY opens the fridge, takes a water and lets herself out of
the house. She locks the door behind her.
RUBY jogs through the quaint streets of Philadelphia. A
light frost covers them. RUBY crosses the splendid park,
Rittenhouse Square. Her feet making crunching sounds on the
grass. The skies open up and the rain starts falling in big
drops. She quickens her pace as she sees the gym sign on the
other side of the Square. She glances at her watch and
breaks into a full run. She opens the door and takes a big
breath of the gym air. She smiles.
Typical gym, people working out. RUBY'S personal trainer
SARGE is impatient. She is late. He is a large retired
military man.
You're late...you know what to do.


Must I?
She drops to the ground and gives him 20 push ups. He glares
over her as she finishes them and throws her a medicine
ball. She throws it back and forth with him. Her eyes drift
over his head to the TV mounted on the wall. She hears
JENNAPHR FREDRICK, the local Fox 29 AM reporter,
interviewing a young man trying to enter the Philadelphia
Stock Exchange on South Broad Street.
                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK
      (microphone in
Good morning, Sir! What's your
opinion of the Stock Market today?
Do you think it will keep
sliding...or is there some ray of
      (Pulls his bucket
       hat close to face)
It doesn't look too promising...we
have to hope it just stabilizes.
LIAM enters the building. The rain makes everything gray and
depressing. She keeps up with her relentlessly sunny banter.
                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK
There you have it folks! We're
gonna have to bring back the
"MISERY INDEX" from the Jimmy
Carter days if this gets any
worse! The mood is sour here at
the Stock Exchange, and Wall
Street is in a full panic! Traders
are girding their loins for
another horrible day! Investors
are scared and the numbers look
bad! Back to you, Mike!


RUBY'S attention comes back to SARGE and she focuses on her
workout. She starts jumping rope until sweat pours off her.

She starts to falter slightly...SARGE gives her a
disapproving look and she redoubles her effort.
RUBY enters her office. It's an artsy, chaotic, chic scene,
full of people working on projects. She carries a Kate Spade
messenger bag and a small dog carrier on her shoulders. She
has her Starbucks coffee in hand. Her Manolos click across
the polished marble floor as she murmurs hellos to her
staff. She is dressed in a Burberry raincoat and a Eugenia
Kim beret. Even on a miserable day, she makes a glamorous
She is dressed casually but expensively in jeans, heels and
a signature black sweater over a crisp white shirt. She has
a crazy necklace on to accent her look. Her makeup is
perfect. She lines her green eyes with a little black liner
that ends in a flirtatious up sweep. Her lashes are thick
and long. She peeps into her friend's office which is next
to hers.
Morning, Heather! How are you
Camera swings over HEATHER'S shoulder to show the laptop on
a news site.
Good! You? Seeing what the lay of
the land is. Looks grim. I'm glad
I don't have enough money for this
stock market to make a difference
to me. How about you?
I invest in shoes. Gotta get busy.


RUBY settles herself into her smallish office with the
amazing view of Billy Penn's Hat. She places her
ever-present cup of Starbucks coffee down on her desk. Her
office is decorated with an orange Saarinen Womb chair and
an old steel typing pool desk. It is neat but comfortable
with a knobby upholstered sofa from the sixties. She opens
her doggie bag and empties her chihuahua, GNIT, from the
bag. She gets him a bowl of water and lets him settle in on
the sofa. She grabs her binoculars and looks out her window
at the peregrine falcon's nest. The falcon sits on her nest
quietly. All her babies are covered by her body today. No
baby eyass view. RUBY takes a sip of her coffee. She pulls
her Mac computer out of her Kate Spade messenger bag and
opens the screen.
All the conversation is typewritten by RUBY and MANDY. The
camera should concentrate on the words being typed
out...music in background...upbeat.
Help! I'm stuck in the 'burbs with
no place to wear my new outfit!
Meet me for dinner after work.
Maybe we can go to your cousin's
place, James. I'm thinking about
coming back to work for you guys.
Want to talk? RSVP ASAP.
Roger that! I'm good 4 dinner at
the bar at 7PM. Can U break away
from American Idol? I'm a little
dressed down today: jeans,
cashmere & Manolos... will I look
like a ruffian next 2 U?


No way! I'm dying 2 c u! I'll b
there b4 7!
C U there!
WESLEY enters her office ready for work. Camera switches to
office instead of the laptop screen. He has a large
portfolio bag. He opens it. He walks behind her and gently
massages her shoulders.
How are the traps this morning?
They feel a little tight!

(He plants a little kiss on her
      (relaxing under
       his hands)
Tight! I think I have tetany.
Sarge was brutal. I was about 5
minutes late. I need to call that
crazy chiropractor and get an
appointment, but not tonight. I'm
going catch dinner with Mandy at
James. You don't mind...do you?
No I don't mind at all. I have
stuff to do with my kids tonight.
What are you working on today,
Yeah, I'm working on the art work
for the logo today. I'm trying to
get a little Old West sensibility
with a WASPY touch. Is there such
a thing?


He sits intimately close to her.
He pulls out some graphics of criss-crossed pistols with
smoke curling out in stylized wisps.
Oh...I love the smoke and guns...
I guess bathtubs have been
co-opted by Cialis...can't use
them. Anyway, bathtubs would be
way too obvious. I still don't
know what bathtubs have to do with
limp peckers, but, what do I know?
But what about the guns? What do
they have to do with "Tub Gin"?
Drinkin' & Shootin'...what could
be better? But it has to be very
tongue in cheek...not violent,
actually, but dangerous. Just the
way everyone wants to be
perceived. You know, the whole
Prohibition thing. Being a bit of
an outlaw. I have to book that guy
with the real gravelly voice for
the narration. He'll be great for
the promo...
So, we have to make some women,
like my mom, ditch the blue gin
for some gravelly-voiced guy
talking about Drinkin' & Shootin'?
I'm going need more coffee...
It's going be a long day! You
always do make the magic though,
don't you, Wes?
She smiles warmly at him and touches his fingers as he gets
up to leave. He leaves her office and walks through the
office to his very large art studio room. It is full of long
tables, easels, computers art art supplies. Several guys are
working on various projects. The walls are full of story
boards in different stages of production. WESLEY sits down


at his big artist's table & opens his laptop to the
graphics. He works on the original in charcoal.
RUBY walks down the street at night. It is raining softly
and the cold is biting. She pulls her Burberry trench collar
tightly to her neck & adjusts her hat. She is carrying two
large bags. One is her Kate Spade computer messenger bag.
The other is her doggie carrier with GNIT inside. She
arrives at the restaurant James. She opens the door, and
steps inside.
The bar is lively with young people talking and techno beat
music playing in the background. The vibe is modern, sleek,
cool and young. RUBY spots MANDY at the end of the bar.
There is an empty seat next to MANDY. She sees RUBY and pats
the seat with her hand. RUBY approaches her. They smile and
air kiss so as not to mess up their perfect lipstick.
Ruby, you look great as usual!
What's that, Theory?
MANDY fingers RUBY'S sweater as she struggles out of her
coat. RUBY places her coat on the back of the bar stool and
carefully sets her doggie bag on the floor next to the
stool. She reaches into her messenger bag, pulls out her new
iPhone, and places it on the bar to the left of her body.
      (She flashes her
       big smile.)
Hi Mandy !
      (smiles at her
Nice sweater. What are you
drinking, dear?


MANDY twirls the triple olives in her martini. The
bartender, HARRY, is ready for RUBY'S order. He smiles at
Tanqueray and tonic with a slice
of lime, please. Thanks, Harry.
HARRY turns to make her drink.
Wesley and I are finally ready to
release our own brand, TUB GIN, in
a few weeks. I must taste the
RUBY and MANDY turn their stools so they face each other.
Wow, that's great!
It's funny. Working on your own
product is so much harder than I
imagined. The fear of failure with
any promo is so high. But, laying
your own product on the line?
Oh, you and Wes can figure it out.
You always do!
HARRY squeezes some fresh lime into the drink, then places
the lime wedge on the glass. He hands RUBY her drink and
walks out of camera range.
      (picks up her
Thanks Harry. We are still working
on the promos. We need to get the
buzz out. We had a tasting here,
the other night. It went well.
RUBY takes a sip of her drink.


I think ours is a little smoother.
Juniper berries from Colorado. All
craft brewed by my old college
buddy in Durango.
      (lifts her martini)
Well, Good luck to you and Wesley.
Toast! To TUB GIN!
They clink their glasses and drink.
We hope it takes off. It's the
cornerstone of our retirement.
That, and working sixteen hours a
day. What about you, Mandy, are
you thinking about coming back to
It's almost time for that. I've
been doing the mommy thing for a
few years now. I'm getting a
little itchy. Besides, this
economy is scary!
Ha ha, Look at me ... almost a
step mother. But look at you! You
look amazing. What are you
weighing? 105 pounds? Mother of
two. Do you eat, anyway? We should
order some food, soon. Great
outfit, by the way. Who is the
Nanette Lepore. I know I'm rushing
the spring thing, but I really
can't take any more of this
winter. It better get nice soon!


Do you still keep a log of your
Of course, I do! Even though I'm
only driving the kids to preschool
and play dates and going to the
gym, I still don't like to be seen
in the same clothes for at least
thirty days. I'm going to have to
scale my wardrobe back or go back
to work if the economy keeps
diving like this. Or the hubby is
going to have to see a lot more
She pulls her lips back to expose her perfectly pink gums.
I don't know that much about
money, but it is getting
frightening out there. I'm going
to have to shop at Marshall's!
Come on! This is dentistry we are
talking about. It's recession
Yeah...and this is Philly we're
talking about, not New York.
People here will pull their own
teeth out! Have you seen some of
the mouths around here? They're
not so pretty. Speaking of
pretty...let me show you some
pictures of my babies.
MANDY takes her iPhone out and pulls up some pictures of her
perfectly average-looking kids. RUBY looks politely at the
pictures, but in her heart, she can't warm up to kids. She
is an animal person.


Adorable! Speaking of adorable...I
have Gnitter Bug in one of these
bags at my feet. Don't tell
Michaela, she gets a little crazy
when I sneak him in.
Camera pans down the bar to show young people drinking and
Camera rests to show the patron next to RUBY'S left hand
He is LIAM, a young man, dressed in business attire, mid
20's, obviously drunk. His head turns to view the two
lovelies next to him, but he seems more attracted to RUBY'S
iPhone than to the ladies themselves.
His right hand slides surreptitiously to the iPhone, but he
doesn't quite touch it. His fingers are so close...
      (Glaring at LIAM)
RUBY'S left hand moves so quickly that their fingers touch
briefly. She turns to him and gives him a stone stare. She
deftly moves the iPhone between herself and MANDY.
As I was saying... Mr. Sticky
Fingers wants my iPhone, I
suppose. Drunks...I just can't
stand them.
These youngsters. He still thinks
he's in the frat! No control!
Bartender! One more Maker's Mark,
please! Straight up!
He slams his hand hard on the bar. He is falling over drunk
at this point.
How about some food? We have a
very nice menu that I can serve at
the bar. It would be best if you


                       HARRY (cont'd)
ate something. You have been
drinking for over an hour, sir.
Maker's Mark. Straight up!
LIAM slaps his hand on the bar again. This time he is even
louder. All eyes turn towards him.
No sir, I will not serve you any
more alcohol!
Are you flaggin' me? Are you
kiddin' me? What kind of place is
Liam starts to rise out of his bar stool. He bends forward
threateningly towards Harry the Bartender.
Reputable, sir. I'm afraid I'm
going to have to call you a cab,
sir. Please settle your bill!
      (leans forward)
Screw the cab, and screw you too,
faggot! I'll walk!
LIAM pushes back from the stool, bumping RUBY and fishing in
his pocket for his charge card. He slams it down on the bar.
HARRY turns his back to process the transaction. LIAM bends
to the floor and noisily goes about getting a computer bag
from the floor next to RUBY. Commotion. Body contact and
rustling. LIAM emerges with a bag over his shoulder, grabs
his charge card and looks around the bar. RUBY and MANDY are
trying to move as far away from him as possible. HARRY moves
forward over the bar towards LIAM. HARRY hands paper bill
towards LIAM. LIAM writes his name.
No tip for you!


I have at tip for you! Get the
Hell out and don't come back!
LIAM hurtles himself out of the bar and everyone sighs with
MICHAELA is the owner. She is about six months pregnant. She
rushes to the bar from the back of the restaurant.
Sorry Ladies! Bad times, bad
behavior...he's not a regular,
that's for sure. I haven't seen
him before, and he certainly won't
be allowed in again. Hey Cuz, Hey
Mandy, Welcome!
Air kisses all around.
How's business? It looks pretty
good for a weeknight.
You know, good on the weekends, a
little tough on weeknights. People
are holding close to their
pocketbooks...but people like him!
Who was that jerk? That's not why
we are here.
MICHAELA looks down at the floor at RUBY'S feet and sees her
doggie bag wiggling slightly on its own. She bends at the
knees slowly since her belly is swollen with child.
RUBY, did you bring that dog in
here again? This is Philly, not
France, you know. We don't bring
our dogs into restaurants here!
Are you becoming one of THOSE
women? What's next, cats?


RUBY bends over to pick up her dog carrier off the floor and
grips her chest with shock. The bag is wiggling with the
motion of the dog inside.
Oh My God! Where is my messenger
Ruby jumps out of her stool and scans the floor around her
bar stool. She is in full panic mode. Everyone at the bar is
watching her.
My bag! My computer bag!! Has
anybody seen it? Oh God...oh Holy
Mother of Christ! Everything is in
there! It's not just my computer,
it's my wallet. My tax returns are
in there. My social security
number! My charge card..$400...oh
God, everything! Damn it!
RUBY'S eyes well up with tears as she realizes the full
extent of her loss. MICHAELA and MANDY hug her as she starts
to cry.
My baby, Gnitter...at least you're
still here.
RUBY bends to the floor to pick her dog bag up. She takes
GNIT from the bag and cradles him to her chest. She is
sniffling now. Her friends are looking around the bar for
her computer bag.
He took it! That kid, he took your
bag! Oh my God! That drunk took
your bag.
Mickey...he paid for his drinks
with a charge card! You have his
name! I need his name, quick! I'll
call 911. Do you have security


Yeah, we do, but they go to a
central place...I've never tried
to retrieve them...call the cops!
      (waving the
I've got his name, Ruby. Here it
is...Liam, Liam McAloon. That's a
weird one!
RUBY picks up her iPhone, hands shaking, and dials 911.
Hello! 911 operator, Hi, yes, this
is an emergency! My name is Ruby
Heath. No, I'm not hurt, thank
you. My computer bag has been
stolen! Yes. I was robbed...in a
restaurant...my wallet was taken
too. My tax forms were in my
computer bag, all my ID, my charge
cards...$400, everything!! Please
send someone over right away. I
know who did it. Liam McAloon. I
have the guy's name. Yes, yes.
I'll wait here. James restaurant
at 8th and Catherine. I am inside
the restaurant. I am safe, but
hurry! Thank you!
RUBY turns to her friends as she hangs up the phone. She
slumps her shoulders as her friend and cousin hug her.
I'm sorry Mandy, I ruined your
night out. Mick, I'm sorry for
causing such a commotion at your
You're sorry! Don't you be
sorry...that sticky-fingered frat
boy should be sorry. That's who
should be sorry. He'll get his!
Wait till the cops come. He is in


                       MANDY (cont'd)
deep shit! He obviously doesn't
know who he is screwing with. I
pity the fool who gets on your bad
side! He's meat, rancid meat! He's
gonna be your bitch for the rest
of his life!
RUBY hugs her tiny dog GNIT to her chest. Then she hold him
in both her hands and looks at him face to face.
Gnitter Bug, Thank God he didn't
take you, baby! Oh, what if he
took Gnitter too? Ohh baby, I
thought you would be a better
watch dog...you didn't even make a
peep. I felt him rummaging around
my feet, but I never dreamed he
would rip off my bag. I just
thought he was getting his bag,
like everybody has a computer bag
now! All he left me was my dog and
my trusty iPhone. (Sighs) A girl
and her iPhone...my
RUBY'S whole posture changes. She brightens visibly, picks
up her iPhone and quickly brings it online.
Camera zooms into her hands on the iPhone as she brings up
FACEBOOK. She continues to change the pages on the iPhone.
      (excited now)
FACEBOOK...that's the ticket. Yes,
I'm looking him up! Bingo! There
he is! That's his picture...his
page is pretty open. Now to
"friend" him... what a turd! Liam
McAloon! He won't remember my
face...I don't think he really
even looked at me, he was so
drunk. He'll just think I was some
chick he met and "friend" me back.
He'll take the bait. Wait, let's
see...University of Chicago Friend
Group. Oh, Sherrie went


                       RUBY (cont'd)
there...I'll have her look up info
on him. He is sooo toasted. I'll
have so much info on him before
the cops get here, I'll be so far
up his ass, he'll think I'm a
proctologist! HAH! McGruff the
Crime Dog strikes back! My mom
will be so proud of me. Look at
this, girls! Sherrie has info
already! He is a
stockbroker...right on Broad
Street. Oh my God! His building is
only a block away from mine...the
Stock Exchange..
Just like in TRADING PLACES... one
of my favorite Philly movies.
RUBY tosses her a dismissive look. She looks up and down
from her iPhone.
This isn't a damn movie...this is
my life! But I'm on fire now,
girls. I'm Googeling his address.
This is too easy. What's his deal?
He lives in a nice building. Is he
am identity thief or just some
drunken slob of a frat boy? Who
cares? I'm NAILING his ass to the
wall! I love technology...Am I
Nancy Drew or what?
MICHAELA has placed some food in front of RUBY and MANDY at
the bar and they are hungrily eating it when the bar door
opens and a 30ish man in a porkpie hat and trench coat walks
in. He is a mixed-race, handsome man, with a tired
nonchalance. He has a toothpick in his mouth. He approaches
HARRY and flashes his badge discreetly. He opens a notepad
and readies a pen.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Detective Nardello. I'm looking
for a Ruby Heath, robbery victim?


HARRY nods in RUBY's direction, but she has already stopped
eating and popped out of her bar stool. She is in full manic
mode, still holding GNIT to her chest. She rushes to the
detective, exploding with her story. GNIT growls as
viciously as he possibly can.
That's me! Hi, Thank God you're
here. I got the guy. Here he is.
I solved the whole crime for you.
Let's go...we can get him right
now...I have his address and
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
You're a real Charlie's Angel.
She shoves the iPhone right in his face. DETECTIVE NARDELLO
holds up his hand and grins a fabulous smile.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Slow down, cowgirl! Let me get a
few facts first!
GNIT growls at him as viciously as he can.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (pulls back)
Do you train your dog to hate the
You think my dog is a hater? How
dare you!
She grabs his forearm to try to edge him to the door.
Come on! If we hurry we can catch
him. He only lives a few blocks
away. No time to waste...he has
all my stuff!... If this McAloon
is an identity thief, my life is
gone in the next 15 minutes! If he
sobers up and thinks about what he


                       RUBY (cont'd)
just did, my bag is in a dumpster
and I'm screwed anyway! Why are
you just standing there? Let's go!
Detective Nardello firmly removes her hand from his arm and
sits down on a bar stool. He motions for her to sit down. He
poises his pen on the note pad. He takes a deep breath.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Ma'am, just let me tell you a few
things before you start talking
again. Number 1) I need to
determine the facts of the case.
Number 2) I need to determine
whether or not you were physically
assaulted, and whether or not you
are hurt. Number 3) I need to know
what the exact contents of your
bag were. Number 4) I need to know
what leads you to believe that
this Mr. Liam McAloon is the perp.
In other words, the who, what,
when, where and why. I understand
that you have all this
information. I still have to write
it all down in a regular police
report... And, I am officially on
overtime now...so, in reality,
since you are not a corpse, which
I'm very happy about, nothing is
going to happen tonight. I'll take
all your information, nice and
slow, so my little brain can get
it all down. I'll file a report
tonight. I'll try to get a judge
to swear out a warrant for
tomorrow. I'll try to get a search
warrant for this McAloon's
apartment, and I'll talk to you
tomorrow. Now, let's start at the
RUBY'S lips quiver in outrage.


So that's it! I don't get any help
with this? Some jerk rips off my
life and I'm told to wait till
tomorrow? Is this why I pay taxes?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (closes his eyes
       for a second then
       opens them)
Try not to insult the help, Ma'am.
It doesn't make me work any
faster. By the way, very
impressive work on your part. Now
let's sit down quietly, and I'll
write this all down. Nobody got
hurt here, and in my business, you
gotta know, people do absolutely
crazy things over less. Now, I
need the exact spelling of your
full name.
RUBY is completely deflated. She sits at the bar and gives
him her information using the iPhone for LIAM'S information.
Ruby Angelica Heath.
They continue exchanging information for a few moments. He
closes his notepad and puts it in his coat pocket. He puts
his hat on and smiles at her. He extends his hand and shakes
her hand. He gives her his card.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Good work, Ma'am. I'll call you
tomorrow afternoon. Good night,
He tips his hat to them and goes to the door.
Don't call me "Ma'am"!


DETECTIVE NARDELLO exits the restaurant. The camera swings
back to the girls. RUBY puts her coat on and places GNIT in
the doggie bag. She slings it over her shoulder. She puts
her adorable Eugenia Kim beret on and glumly looks at her
Mandy, I have to go. My head is
spinning. I just need to walk this
whole thing off. I'm sorry, can
you take care of the bill?
Please, Ruby, don't worry about
the bill!
MANDY stands up and takes her wallet out to pay.
Walk? Don't be crazy, I'm driving
you home! Look at the weather!
I'll pay the bill.
NO. Really, I need to walk. I need
to process all of this. I'll be
fine. It's just a couple of
blocks. I'll call you both
tomorrow. I'm sorry, girls...I've
gotta go!
Group hugs. Back pats. RUBY and GNIT leave the restaurant
into the drizzle of the night.
RUBY walks down a rather lonely, but gaudily commercial
strip of South Street. She turns her trench coat collar up
tightly to her neck. She quickens her pace as much as she
can in her Manolo heels. She crosses the street and makes it
to the other side, when suddenly her heel breaks off. She is
forced to stop and bend over to retrieve her heel. She is


She sighs, straightens herself up and adjusts GNIT in his
bag and starts walking down the street, one heel high, one
heel low.
A local bum picks himself off the sidewalk and starts
walking next to her. She has had many interactions with him
over the last few years and knows he is harmless. She still
wants to avoid an interaction tonight. She walks as fast as
she can with her lopsided gait.
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Hey, pretty lady! Can ya' help me
out with some money? I need some
food! You know me, come on, lady.
Money! Wrong girl tonight, Cracky!
I just got robbed...I have no
money tonight, NOTHING!! NOT EVEN
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Robbed! Straight up! Shit! Who
robbed a fine girl like you?
I know who...I know his name. He
took my bag from a restaurant
tonight! From the bar, not some
dive bar...a nice bar, a classy
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
No...no dive bar for you. Ya' say
ya' know who he is?
Yup, I know who he is and I know
where he is.
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Ya' say ya' know where he is? Ya'
want me ta' get him for ya'? Come
on, I'll get him for ya'.


CRACKY is eager and interested. He is excited.
      (looks at him with
       some puzzlement)
Nooo! No, I called the cops...
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Cops! Cops! C'mon now, they can't
even solve murders in this town!
They not gonna help ya! C'mon,
we'll get 'em. I'll do it! I'll do
it for nothin'. It'll be fun.
C'mon girl...I'll get your shit
He rubs his hands together. RUBY is now a bit alarmed.
No...no, I'm just gonna go
home...lick my wounds. Thank you
though. I'm sure you would be a
big help, but I'll let the cops
handle this case. Thanks for
walking with me, though. This is
far enough.
She fishes in her trench coat pocket for something to give
him. She finds some change and gives it to him. She cuts him
off before they get too close to her street.
I can make it from here by myself.
I'm okay, really...you have been
very kind. Here, take the change.
Get some coffee. Goodnight!
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
      (calling after her)
Ya' watch yourself now. Think
about it. I can get 'em for ya'.
We could make a great team!
RUBY continues down the block, lopsided in her broken heels,
and lets herself in her door.


RUBY walks through her front door with GNIT in her bag,
hobbled by the broken shoe. HENRY lets out his deep "woof"
as he practically blocks her entry. She pushes through to
the dining area where WESLEY sits with his kids doing
homework. They all look puzzled as RUBY is wet, disheveled,
limping on her broken high heel, and clearly not in a good
mood. WESLEY stands up as she approaches the table. He looks
Ruby, what happened? You look a
wreck, you're limping, what's the
WESLEY takes the dog bag off her shoulder and lets GNIT out
of the bag. The kids get up and get GNIT food and water.
HENRY homes in close to RUBY. She takes the broken heel out
of her pocket and places it on the table. She takes her
trench coat off and throws it on the chair next to her. She
sits down and takes a deep breath. She takes off both shoes
and rubs her feet.
I had a really awful night, Wes!
Look, I broke my Manolos! Do you
know how much they cost? That's
not all! My computer bag was
stolen at James! God damn it!
Everything was in that bag! My
computer...all the work we have
been doing for all our
campaigns... Jesus Christ!
Why didn't he just take a DNA
swab? He couldn't have taken
anymore of me!
She throws her broken high heel in the corner.
Everyone is in full alarm mode by now, with WESLEY bending
over to comfort her and the kids slinking back out of


      (full alarm mode)
Stolen? Who did this to you? Are
you hurt? Did you call the cops?
Did they pick this guy up? What
I was eating at James with Mandy.
We were at the bar. You know, she
is thinking of coming back to
work...anyway, the guy next to me,
he was drunk, or acting drunk...he
was acting a little suspiciously.
I had my phone out on the bar, and
I had to move my iPhone away from
him, 'cause he kept trying to
touch it. Then he got flagged by
Harry, the bartender, after he got
a little sloppy. He got nasty with
Harry, but then he paid up and
left. He was fumbling at my feet
getting his messenger bag, and
when Michaela came over to talk to
us and figured out that I was
sneaking Gnitter in again, I bent
over to get him. That's when I
found out that he took my stuff!
He was gone already! But Wes, He
took ALL my stuff, everything! All
I have left was my iPhone & GNIT.
Did you call the police?
Don't get me started on them! Yes,
I called them right away!
She powers up her iPhone and shows WESLEY the FACEBOOK page
with LiAM's Picture.
I looked up his name on
FACEBOOK... HARRY gave me the
receipt. Such a weird name, LIAM


                       RUBY (cont'd)
WESLEY nods and the kids shrink back a bit. Nobody can get a
word in edgewise.
Look! I found him and practically
tied him up in a bow! Did they do
anything about it? No! I Googeled
his address! Guess what?
He lives two blocks away! He works
at the Stock Exchange! I know
everything about this idiot... So
this Detective Nardello, I give
him all this info and I say,
"Let's go, let's get him." and do
you know what he says?
I'm afraid to ask.
He says,"I'm on overtime."
Overtime....Christ! He can't do
anything till he files a report
and gets a search warrant! He said
he would call me tomorrow...
WESLEY moves to the bar and uncorks a bottle of wine. He
starts pouring, generously.
Then I walked home and Cracky hits
me up on South Street after I
broke my heel... and he was
actually very nice tonight. And he
wanted to get my bag back for me,
but I said, "No, no, let the cops
do it", but they aren't going to


                       RUBY (cont'd)
do anything, Wes. I'm screwed!
She is a little winded after that tirade and WESLEY gives
her the glass of wine.
Whew! That's terrible, Ruby, it'll
all get straightened out in the
morning. But the important thing
is, you're not hurt. It will all
be OK.
She takes the wine and gulps deeply. She pulls up and leans
over VIOLET'S computer. She shoves her over gently and takes
over the computer. She starts typing.
      (over her shoulder)
What are you doing, Ruby?
I friended him earlier. I'm just
seeing if he picked up the bait.
He's a real asshole!
She covers her mouth.
Oops! Sorry kids, I'm trying...
I'm just livid, Wes... I can't
believe this.
She slams the laptop shut and finishes her wine. She gets up
from the table. WESLEY tries to soothe her.
I'm getting changed. I'm going
She gets up and starts up the stairwell followed by both
dogs and WESLEY. The kids give each other the "look" and
carry on with their homework.


RUBY sits on her bed and changes into all black yoga clothes
and a waterproof windbreaker and baseball cap. She puts on
sneakers and ties them tightly.
I'm sorry, Honey...you had a
terrible night, but it's over now.
You're okay and that's the most
important thing. The stuff doesn't
Yes it does! It does matter! It's
not his stuff to take. It's my
stuff! He can't just steal my
stuff and get away with it!
Actions have consequences, and he
is about to feel some real
consequences. I'm getting my stuff
WESLEY rubs her shoulders as she sits on the bed.
You can't get your stuff back now!
Just relax!
No! No relax! Come on, come with
me...I'm getting my bag back,
No, no...this is absurd! You are
not going out now! I am not going
with you. Let the cops handle
this! This isn't the Wild
West...this is Philadelphia! You
just can't go looking for your
"stuff" and take it back! You
don't know what this guy is
capable of!


Maybe my "stuff" doesn't mean
anything to you, but in my
neighborhood, when somebody takes
your "stuff", you go get it back.
You send your Dad, or your brother
or your uncle, but you get your
"stuff" back! Maybe you just have
too much "stuff " and it doesn't
mean much to you. But my "stuff"
means something to me. I'm going
to do something about it!
RUBY starts down the stairs, running now, and WESLEY runs
after her with the dogs behind him.
Ruby, please don't go out...be
I'm going, Wes..Do you want to
help me with this?
No... Just let it ride... It's
RUBY leaves into the night. WESLEY'S looks out the door as
he calls down the street.
RUBY, don't do this!
RUBY runs down their street into the night.
RUBY speed walks through the street towards Rittenhouse
Square. She uses the voice control on her iPhone to call her
friend and coworker HEATHER. Split screen to HEATHER, who is
doing yoga as she watches TV in the background.


Heather...yeah, it's me. Watcha'
doing?... I have a caper!
Caper? I'm all ears.
HEATHER sits upright, looking sleek in her black yoga
Incredible! I got ripped off
tonight while I was at the bar at
James. Some drunken frat boy took
my computer bag with my whole life
in it. The cops won't do anything
till tomorrow! And every friggin'
important thing in the world was
in that bag. I tracked him down on
FACEBOOK and GOOGLE and he lives
two blocks from me. He's a broker
at the Stock Exchange and went to
University of Chicago. He looks
like some candy-ass to me from his
FACEBOOK page and I aim to
confront him and take my stuff
back! Are you in?
      (looks at the
Sounds dangerous!
Dangerous! I'm dangerous... I'm
Robert De Niro in Raging Bull! I'm
Nancy Drew on steroids right now!
I'm Charlie's Angels on crack!
Come on, I need a sidekick! Are
you in? I'm right outside your
      (stands up)
I'm all in! Be down in a sec.


Split screen ends. HEATHER emerges from her door to meet
RUBY. She is similarly clad in black with baseball cap.
HEATHER is thin and taller than RUBY with lots of attitude.
They walk quickly across Rittenhouse Square, which is abuzz
with people and dogs even though it is a wet March evening.
The pair come to McAloon's building and size it up from the
street. Two female security guards at a large polished desk.
Wide marble foyer. The two women are mid 30's. Neither looks
to be in shape. They are concentrating on something on the
desk and tapping their long acrylic fingernails against the
surface. They are ignoring the security cameras behind them
and shoving Ritz Bits crackers into their mouths at a steady
Damn! Security. Locks on the
door...you have to get buzzed in.
He's on the 6th floor. We have to
wait till somebody comes in and
catch the door behind them.
Look! Here comes an older couple.
Just look like we belong here.
Hurry! Fall in behind them.
The girls catch the door after the older couple swipe their
card. RUBY makes full eye contact with them and smiles
brightly. RUBY and HEATHER move into the lobby.
      (addresses the
Hi! Yucky night, huh? Glad to be
Brr! Nice work, Angel...we're in.
Now what? Look at these two...this


                       HEATHER (cont'd)
shouldn't be too hard. Check out
the elevators. They're across the
Just stay with me. When I start
talking to them, play along... Hi!
Hi Ladies!
The two girls walk assuredly to the security desk. The
security guards raise their heads, just barely. A small TV
on the desk blares out a sitcom. The security ladies look
bored to death.
      (animated but
Hi, I'm Ruby. My boyfriend, Liam
McAloon, in 6B...he's really drunk
tonight. He just came in a little
while ago. You must have seen him.
He was really slammin' drunk (she
makes the universal drinking
sign). Anyway, I'm a little
worried about him. He really had
too much to drink and he took my
bag by mistake. So I just need to
go up and check on him. You know,
I think he might be really sick,
if you know what I mean. (she
holds her tummy)
                       SECURITY WOMAN #1
      (looking up bored)
Yeah, I bet he was drunk tonight!
                       SECURITY WOMAN #2
      (just barely
Yeah...he's always drunk...worse
than ever tonight! Yeah, you go
ahead, you check on him. Swear,
that man is a hot mess. Whatchu'
doin' with him?


You know, when he's not drunk,
he's fine...
RUBY and HEATHER go to the elevator. HEATHER presses the
button repeatedly. Elevator opens. They enter.
Ruby and Heather giggle in the elevator and get off at the
6th floor.
RUBY and HEATHER bound down the hallway to McAloon's door.
RUBY pounds hard with her fist. HEATHER stands right behind
McAloon...come out! Come out Liam,
I know you are in there!
She continues with the banging. Doors on the hallway start
to open up. Neighbors peek out of their doors. A man steps
out. A dog barks wildly behind LIAM'S door.
                       MAN NEIGHBOR
Hey! Keep it down there. He makes
enough noise! What's going on
I'm sorry. I'm his girlfriend. I'm
worried about him. He had too
much to drink tonight. Is he in
there? I hear the dog barking.
The noise of a small dog barking and scratching at the door
                       MAN NEIGHBOR
He's in there. He just came home a
little while ago. He's a drunk
pain in the ass and his little dog


                       MAN NEIGHBOR (cont'd)
never stops yappin'. I'm gonna
call the cops on him one of these
The other neighbor nods in agreement, but says nothing. RUBY
resumes banging on the door.
Hey Liam, come out! Come on Honey,
I'm worried about you.
She turns to the neighbor.
Do you have a key? I left mine at
home. Honest, he is really
He may have passed out. I have to
check on him!
                       MAN NEIGHBOR
Nah, I'm not friendly with him.
You'll have to call the super. He
can get in.
Oh! You have a super! Can you call
him for me?
                       MAN NEIGHBOR
Nah, you want him, you go to the
desk and get him. I'm done with
this shit!
He slams his door. The other neighbor closes her door too.
RUBY and HEATHER are alone in the hallway.
      (looks at HEATHER)
Plan B.
And that is?


      (signals her to
       follow her)
I don't know. I'll figure it out
in the elevator.
The girls ride down the elevator in silence. They exit to
the lobby.
Elevator opens. The girls walk back to the desk. The
security guards look up again. They tap their nails in
unison to show just how much they don't want to deal with
Ahem...well, Liam must be out
cold, 'cause he's not answering
his door. I'm really worried about
him. I left the house without my
keys. Can you call the super to
check on him? I'm afraid he could
have alcohol poisoning or
something. He could, you know,
choke on his puke or something...
you know, like Mama Cass...
                       SECURITY WOMAN #2
      (annoyed now)
We don't know no Mama Cass...
HEATHER holds her throat and gags.
You know, The Mamas and the Papas?


                       SECURITY WOMAN #1
      (shakes her head)
No, we don't know no Mamas and
      (pulling out all
       the stops)
Jimi Hendrix?
She holds her throat and feigns death.
                       SECURITY WOMAN #1
      (nodding her head)
Yeah, that dude. He died a long
time ago. He's that drunk?
Yes! That's what I'm talking
about. This is a matter of life
and death! Please call the super.
It'll be on you if he dies!
Security Girl #1 looks at Security Girl #2. They shrug
together. Security Girl #1 takes a walkie-talkie from her
hip and talks into it. She glares at the girls.
                       SECURITY WOMAN #1
      (very annoyed)
Curtis... Curtis, this is Security
from the front desk. We have a
situation here. You come up here,
Crackling on the walkie -talkie.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Situation? Whatchu' mean?
                       SECURITY WOMAN #1
You just come up here, now,
Curtis! With your key ring.


                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
You just wait! I'll be up.
The security girls are annoyed that their evening has been
interrupted by having to interact with these two. The four
women play a subtle visual game of "Chicken" with each other
while waiting for Curtis, the Super, to intervene. The lobby
is silent except for the background of Tyler Perry and the
clicking of the fingernails. After what seems to be an
eternity, a disheveled drunken thirty year old man emerges
from the far end of the lobby via a service elevator.
                       SECURITY WOMAN #2
      (waves him towards
       the desk)
Curtis, this lady claims her
boyfriend in 6B is drunk and sick.
They are worried about him. He
don't answer the door and they
want you to check on him.
RUBY rushes towards CURTIS. HEATHER follows closely.
Good evening, Sir. I'm so sorry to
put you out. My boyfriend, Liam
McAloon, in 6B, with the, you
RUBY signals the universal drinking sign.
Well, anyway, he isn't answering
the door. I ran over without my
key, so I tried to get him to open
up, but he didn't. I'm afraid he
may be so drunk that he passed
out! He might vomit, you know?
Jimi Hendrix style! Can you open
his door? It's critical!


Curtis is swaying to maintain his balance. He eyes the girls
appreciatively in their exercise clothes. He flutters his
eyes a bit while he thinks. He is clearly drunk as well.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (slurring his
I can't take you girls up there
with me, regulations, ya' know.
But I'll go up there and open up
his door, if ya' think he's that
bad. You two stay right here. I'll
call down on the walkie-talkie and
let you know what's goin' on.
CURTIS staggers to the elevator and RUBY and HEATHER are
once again uncomfortably left in the lobby with the security
guards. The security guards go back to eating Ritz Bits and
watching TV. RUBY and HEATHER slink quietly towards the
elevator. There is a lot of distance between them and the
desk now.
      (Sotto voce)
Now what? It's clear he isn't
going to let us up.
Think, think, get close to the
elevator...and when he calls down,
push the button. When it opens,
we'll just make a break for it and
go up. They're too fat to get here
in time to stop us. We'll get into
the hallway and see if we can get
in the apartment.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (on the
Yeah, Security... I got the door
open and 6B says he don't have no
girlfriend! I don't know what
kinda shit goin' down there, but


                       CURTIS, THE SUPER (cont'd)
don'tchu let them girls up here!
The girls push the button. The elevator opens and they run
in and push repeatedly to get the door to close before
security gets them. They succeed!
                       SECURITY WOMAN #1
      (rushing from her
Miss...you can't go up there!
Security #1 bangs the door vainly, Security #2 looks at her.
                       SECURITY WOMAN #2
      (asserting her
Guess you gotta walk up six
floors. I'll guard the lobby...
Whoop whoop! We're in. Now what?
God! I don't know. We'll just run
to his door and see if we can push
in. I don't really have a plan.
Elevator opens. They burst out to the hallway and run to the
open door of 6B.
CURTIS has the door open to LIAM's apartment. LIAM is
balanced in the doorway. Both men are drunk, but LIAM is in
much worse shape. His small dog, JADE, is jumping and
barking wildly in the doorway. Neighbors are peeking out of
their doors. All eyes turn to the girls as they run down the
hallway and reach the doorway.


Liam McAloon! You give me my bag
      (holding onto the
Who the hell are you?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Yeah, who the hell are you? What's
goin' on here?
RUBY plants herself nose to nose with LIAM. He only has
boxer shorts on. He sways in the door frame, he is so drunk.
RUBY pulls her face back from the smell of his rancid
breath. HEATHER is next to her, ready to spring. She scans
the apartment over LIAM'S shoulder. She sees RUBY'S bag. The
apartment is a mess. The dog is barking and jumping on
everybody's legs.
I'll tell you who I am, Liam
McAloon! I'm your worst nightmare,
that's who I am! I'm the chick who
was sitting next to you tonight
while you got shitfaced, punk. I'm
the chick whose bag you stole! Now
I'm taking it back!
RUBY pushes LIAM hard right in the chest. HEATHER takes this
moment to push into the apartment. She snatches RUBY'S bag
and rushes back into the hallway. HEATHER opens the bag,
scanning the contents.
Got it! Looks like everything is
here...even the money! Tax forms,
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
You girls better show me something
to prove this is yours, or I'm
gonna have to call the cops.


Heather rifles through the bag and pulls out RUBY'S wallet.
She pulls out the license and shows it to CURTIS.
Look, it's her driver's license!
Liam, you are in big trouble,
loser! Do you hear me? I don't
know what you're thinking right
now, but you better start
praying...'cause you screwed with
the wrong girl tonight! And by the
way... your dog needs grooming!!
LIAM'S face is crossed with fear and confusion. He doesn't
verbally respond, but all eyes turn to him as he PISSES
himself right on his carpet!
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (pulls back in
Damn, you are a mess!
RUBY turns to CURTIS... They are all dumbfounded by LIAM'S
disgusting behavior. LIAM looks down on the soaked carpet
and his wet shorts. He has no words.
RUBY takes a $100 bill from her computer bag and folds it
neatly. She slips it into CURTIS' shirt pocket and pats his
chest. CURTIS looks appreciatively. He picks up his
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Security, yeah...this is Curtis.
These fine ladies are just leaving
now...yeah, everything is just
fine. Whatchu' people staring
at? Go on, get back in. All the
rumpus is done for the night.
CURTIS turns to LIAM, The puddle of urine and the yapping
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
You, I'll deal with you tomorrow.


RUBY and HEATHER take off down the elevator as the hallway
door opens to a very winded Security Guard #1 surveying the
filthy hallway situation.
The girls whoop and holler in the elevator and rush through
the lobby to the outdoors past the bewildered Security Guard
#2 into the cold March night. It stopped raining.
The two girls run screaming with joy towards the Square.
Passersby stare at them, laughing at the scene. They hit the
grass at the Square and HEATHER does a one handed cartwheel
on the grass followed by a no-hands forward flip. RUBY
screams out for all to hear, as she holds her computer bag
over her head...
I am the Queen of the City! I am
the Victorious Queen! This is my
Wing Girl and we are the
The girls run into the night, high on their wild caper.
RUBY and HEATHER exchange hugs and high fives outside her
apartment. They are giddy with excitement.
That was insane! Whew! Too much
fun...can you believe that putz
PISSED himself?
Frankly, no! Have you ever? That
was brilliant! Best caper, EVER!
Wow! All this by what, 10pm? Whew,
I've got to get home, Wesley is
probably boiling mad at me by now!
Goodnight! See you at the office.


                       RUBY (cont'd)
I can't thank you enough.
HEATHER lets herself in her door and RUBY continues down the
street towards her house. Unable to contain herself, she
pulls out her iPhone and dials her mother, DR.DREW.
Split screen
DR.DREW picks up her phone at a noisy suburban party called
Bunco. Neighbor women are drinking, laughing and playing a
fast-paced dice game.
                       DR. DREW
Dr. Drew, can I help you?
      (walking with the
       phone to her ear)
Mom! It's me! McGruff, I just
pulled off the best caper...EVER!
You'll be really proud of me!
                       DR. DREW
      (distracted by the
Caper! What caper...hold on, let
me move to a quiet spot. What's
going on, Ruby?
Mother, honest to God, I was
robbed tonight and I found the
perp on FACEBOOK. The cops
wouldn't help me so I GOGGLED his
address...then Wes wouldn't go
with me, so I got Heather, and we
went to his building and I
confronted him, and he was sooo
drunk, and I pushed him and
Heather got my bag back. He took
it, and I just couldn't let him
get away with it, Mom. He was so
drunk and scared that he just
stood there and PEED himself,
LITERALLY! It was awesome!


                       DR. DREW
      (moved to a quiet
       laundry room)
Whoa, hold on, Girl, Did you say
you were robbed?... Are you hurt?
Where are you now? What do you
mean, you confronted him? Did you
call the cops? Are you insane?
       jumping as she
Yes, yes, I am insane, I'm insane
with power right now! Whew, I'm on
my way home. I'm fine, never
better! Make my day, punk! Whew! I
gotta calm down. I'm right outside
my house now. Everything is fine.
I gotta go in now. I'll talk to
you tomorrow. I love you, Mom.
                       DR. DREW
I love you too, Honey. You give me
a complete blow by blow tomorrow.
Get in the house. I'm glad you're
safe and you have your stuff, but
you really need to be more
You're gettin' soft, Mom. Five
years ago you would've been in on
this caper with me. Love you.
                       DR. DREW
      (shakes her head)
Love you too. Get to bed!
RUBY walks in her front door.


RUBY walks in, swaggering, with the bag over her shoulder.
WESLEY greets her with a stony look. He bolts the front door
as the dogs run to her. He arms the security system and
turns out the lights. They walk upstairs in the dark, dogs
You're impossible!
Yea... Impossibly fabulous!
She can't stop grinning and takes her running shoes off,
puts on her sweats and climbs in bed with her laptop. Dogs
are between RUBY and WESLEY .
Lights dim and WESLEY rolls over, while RUBY opens her
laptop to FACEBOOK and types furiously.
RUBY exercises in the gym with SARGE. No real conversation,
just a strong fit woman taking pleasure in her workout.
RUBY is on her computer and we focus on her typing on
FACEBOOK. In the background, the top of William Penn's hat
is visible on the Philly's City Hall. The falcon flies
around City Hall, always returning to her nest.
Suddenly, amidst the kudos from her friends on FACEBOOK, her
face registers shock. She starts typing furiously.
Hey, gorgeous! Yes! Yes! I want to
be your friend. Do I know you? Did
I meet you in a bar or at work?


Really! You don't remember me? I
thought we knew each other rather
I never forget a pretty face, but
where and when did we meet?
I thought I made a better
impression on you last night...
how do you feel this morning? You
were quite the cut up last night.
For real! Did I give you my card?
Did I sing for you, or make you
Come on now! Don't be shy...you
don't remember me? NOTHING? NO BAD


OMG! I have a little vague memory
of some dust up last night...OMG,
OMG...I am so sorry! I was so
drunk, it was a mistake. Swear!
I can't apologize enough.
Damn straight, you're sorry!
You're gonna be even more sorry
when you get arrested. I filed a
complaint against you last night.
The cops are getting a search
warrant for your apartment and an
arrest warrant for you today! Let
the SHIT STORM begin!
OMG! Please, I'm begging you,
don't go through with this. I am a
stockbroker...I just got out of
college a few years ago. I am an
honest person...I was so f'ed up
last night. I lost my biggest
client yesterday. The market is
tanking...I'm not making any
money. I swear to God, it was a
total mistake! Did you get all
your stuff back? Did I even touch
anything? I swear I was so drunk
last night...I don't remember
anything. If I get arrested, I'll
never work again. What can I do to
make it up to you? Crawl on my
knees? Work with lepers? I'll join
Mother Teresa's crew in Mumbai!
Jesus Christ! Please help me with
this! What can I do to convince
you that it was a mistake??
Please, I'm a big, dumb, Irish
boy who drank to much last night.
Please forgive me! I swear it was
a total drunken accident!


Why should I believe you? You
behaved terribly last night! Would
you be any less guilty if you had
gotten behind a wheel and killed
somebody? Why should I trust you?
Everybody who knows me would vouch
for me! I swear...please hold off.
You got your stuff back. There was
no bad intentions. I'll do
CHILL,...I have to get back to
work. I'll think about it.
RUBY shuts down her FACEBOOK conversation and sits back in
her chair, exhausted. She picks up her phone and dials a
Get me Hanson, at the human
resources company, please. Yes,
I'll hold.
She picks up a pair of binoculars on her desk and homes in
on the peregrine falcons nesting across the street. The
mother is feeding her baby eyasses. She is absorbed with
watching them.
      (all business)
Hanson! Hello! Yes, it's Ruby
Heath. I need a favor, please. Can
you do a very deep, ultra-fast
background check on a Liam
Yes, he lives here in
Philly...graduate of University of
Chicago, works at the Stock
Exchange. About 26 years old. I
need everything, criminal,


                       RUBY (cont'd)
personal, credit score,
psychiatric. Actually, I need a
procto exam on him...and I need it
really fast. I need it by
2pm...today. Yeah, I know that's
impossible, but that's what I pay
you for. Info! I need all of it.
Business, hmmm, yes. It's an
emergency! Text me everything,
ASAP. Thank you!
The scene ends with the business of the day swirling around
Lunchtime, early spring day on Rittenhouse Square. Sidewalk
tables with diners. Warm sunshine. Daffodils and grape
hyacinths are bursting at the edge of the Square. WESLEY and
RUBY are seated at a table waiting for a client. She is
dressed casually in jeans, Manolos, a bustier and cashmere
sweater. WESLEY and RUBY have a frost between them.
Well, that was quite a victory
last night, Ruby Angelica.
      (she looks
       across the park)
Yes, no help from you!
Stop it, Ruby! Your behavior last
night was foolhardy! What did you
expect me to do? What you did was
wild, foolish and impulsive! Who
do you think you are, your father?
Don't bring Johny Brick into this!
This was much more my mother,


                       RUBY (cont'd)
McGruff, the crime dog. She would
have been all in for that caper!
Caper! That's the problem, that
wasn't a caper. It was crazy! You
didn't know what kind of person
you were dealing with...and
dragging Heather into it with
you...what the hell! It was
completely irresponsible!
What the hell? You're supposed to
protect me!
Protect you? Since when do you
need protecting?
I need protecting!
Protecting... who is going to
protect this city from you? I love
you, Ruby, but last night... It
all seems funny now that you had
your big win. But, you were
totally crazy. You didn't need my
I do need it! I need everything
from you! I ...I need you to love
me so much...that you would take a
bullet for me!
Bullets! Now we're talking
bullets! You're delusional!


You don't understand. My mom had
to have this discussion with Ian.
You guys completely don't get it!
You're totally supposed to defend
us! Take bullets for us. And let
us go when we need to be let go.
Ruby, I have two children that
need defending and protecting. You
certainly don't look like you need
very much defending! And I am
sorry that I didn't respond the
way you wanted me to, but you were
very foolish. You know, men are
really screwed these days. I can't
fathom exactly what I'm supposed
to do. I'm sorry you had a bad
night, but you acted like a child
and you're damned lucky it turned
out so well!
The client, MR.WAINWRIGHT, approaches the table and they
both rise, hands extended to shake. They smile warmly in
unison at the client.
The peregrine falcon's (bird's eye) view on LIAM rushing
through the lunchtime crowd to the church. He looks up at
the cross on the steeple and glumly walks up the steps to
the door. He opens the door and steps inside.
LIAM enters the church, sizes up the line of penitents and
picks the shortest line to the confessional. He is nervous
in line and avoids eye contact with others. The church is
warm and quiet. There is a bank of candles glowing in the
background. There are about twenty people at various
locations within the church. No one bothers him. A penitent
holds the confessional curtain open for him. He enters,


closes the heavy velvet drape and kneels on the kneeler. A
dim light emanates from the screen. The window opens and the
profile of the priest comes into faint view.
Bless me, Father, for I have
sinned. It has been one year since
my last confession.
What is weighing on you, my son?
Father, I'm in a lot of trouble!
I've done a bad thing, two things
maybe...I got very drunk last
night and I took a woman's bag
with all her stuff in it. Father,
I didn't mean to do it...it just
      (paying more
So you're telling me that you
stole a woman's purse when you
were drunk last night? Are you
drunk habitually, my son? Or was
this a one time thing?
I guess I am drunk a lot, at
night, Father...but it wasn't a
purse, it was a computer bag, and
it had all her other things in it
too. The problem is, I didn't
remember anything this morning. I
found out about it on FACEBOOK
this morning
from her. She's going to have me
arrested, Father...I'm a
stockbroker. If I get arrested,
I'll never work again...


Why were you so drunk last night?
The market, Father! Haven't you
seen the television? It's a
nightmare...I lost so much money
yesterday...I lost my biggest
client...we are hemorrhaging
So, as I see it, son, you've
broken three commandments. First,
fifth and tenth! All venial sins,
thank God.
Fifth! I didn't kill anybody!
No, my son. Despair breaks the
first commandment, because you are
doubting God's love for you. The
tenth is obvious, because you
coveted someone's goods. The fifth
is more subtle. You didn't kill
anyone, that's true. But
drunkenness kills your soul and
your health over time, and leads
to coarse behavior...that's what
happened here. Are you sorry for
what you did, truly sorry for your
sins? Are you ready to give
restitution for the things you
took from this woman? Are you
ready to accept God's love and
man's help for your despair?
I guess so, Father, but she
already got all her stuff


                       LIAM (cont'd)
back...so how do I make
You gave the bag back to her?
No. She took it from me.
      (trying to piece
       things together)
So you're telling me that you hit
bottom financially, got really
drunk, stole this woman's bag,
blacked out and somehow she got
her stuff back, and now you're
facing arrest? I'm a little
confused...how did she get her
stuff back?
I guess I DID black out. She
apparently came to my apartment
last night with a friend and...I
don't know, she just TOOK her
stuff back. It gets worse,
Father...I peed myself, right in
front of her...(crying a little
now) Father, I have never felt so
low...so ashamed...so scared. She
called the cops on me,
Father...they're coming for me
today. Please help me!
      (shaking his head)
Well, your restitution is almost
done, your despair and drinking
are obviously out of control and
you need real help with those
things. Listen son, You need to
sincerely apologize to this woman,


                       FATHER (cont'd)
you need to make an offering to a
charity for the trouble you have
caused her. You need to beg her to
take mercy on you. Whatever
happens with the arrest, you'll
have to be a man about it. I can
give you God's forgiveness, but
you have a lot of work to
do...today! Right now, when you
leave this church. This is it! A
Rosary daily for the strength you
need, apologize to this woman,
SINCERELY, make a donation to a
charity in her name. And son, you
need to go to AA. You need to dry
out. Come back in a week and let
me know what happens...I'm here at
lunch for confessions. Father A,
that's all you need to know. You
come back!
LIAM murmurs the Act of Contrition and the priest dispenses
Absolution. LIAM leaves the church.
RUBY and WESLEY enter the office door after lunch and the
receptionist ADA, greets them warmly. There are two flower
arrangements behind her.
Well, somebody is very popular
She grins and spreads her hands behind her. There is a huge
basket of yellow daffodils and a card. Behind her is a
second vase, much more austere with a very modern, Zen-like
arrangement. WESLEY looks a little perplexed. RUBY opens the
card from the large yellow arrangement. She reads it and
starts to smile.


      (looks at WESLEY
It's from the perp.
      (very annoyed)
What does he have to say for
He donated $500 to Alex's Lemonade
Stand in my name. He is begging
for forgiveness.
Charming...and the other?
RUBY opens the other card.
      (smiles at WESLEY)
Ohh....from you. Much more my
taste in flowers...thanks.
She shrugs her shoulders innocently and she picks up his
flower arrangement and the flowers from LIAM into her
office. She puts WESLEY'S arrangement on her desk and takes
LIAM'S basket and puts them on the table by her sofa. She
takes a big breath and looks a little coyly at WESLEY. She
stands very close to him face to face. She drapes her arms
around his neck to break the ice and gives him a little peck
on the lips. He stands very straight.
Are you actually feeling sorry for
A little.
Now what?


Maybe I'll go check on him and see
what I can find out. I have some
feelers out. I have to see what's
      (kisses her
As you wish, Princess Buttercup.
I'm going back to work. I have a
business to run here. I'll be in
my office.
WESLEY exits to his office and RUBY goes to her desk.
HEATHER peeps in and they look at each other . HEATHER
enters the office and they close the door. They burst out
laughing. RUBY opens her laptop and starts typing. She goes
on FACEBOOK and checks her status. Dozens of friends are
commenting about her "caper" from last night. McAloon has
written privately on her message area.
      (looking over her
Oh boy, look at this... everybody
is commenting on last night.
      (seated in her
You deserve as much credit as I
I'll pass. Wow, I'm the social
media director and I would never
predict this would blow up so
Maybe I should not have been so
descriptive in my recounting of
the caper. The pee is what gets


Nope. I think it's cause you got
your 'shit' back. Everybody wants
to do just that, but we are all
too scared to do it. You weren't
scared... and he pissed himself.
Really, picture perfect.
Oh, he's chatting me. I have to
take this privately. I can't thank
you enough, Heather! Let me chat
with him.
      (leaving the room)
Sure, I'm down the hall.
HEATHER closes RUBY'S door.
I am crawling on my knees now.
Please have mercy on me. I have
already gone to confession at St.
John's. Did you get my flowers and
peace offering?
Yes. Thanks. I'm mulling it over.
You're mulling my fate?
Yes. I'll get back to you when I
make a decision.
She shuts him off and goes to her voice mail. She opens an
urgent message from Hanson, the human resources guy. She
dials the office phone.


      (answers his phone)
Ms Heath, Hello...McAloon is
clean. College boy. University of
Chicago. Finance major. 3.4 GPA.
No priors. Works as a trader at
the Philadelphia Stock Exchange.
All pictures on Facebook involve
drinking. No DUIs. Doesn't own a
car. Rents in a nice building.
Pays rent on time. Credit rating
good for a guy his age. $1000.00
left in checking account. No
appreciable savings. Some college
loans. Grew up in Wilkes-Barre.
Parents and sibs still there.
Plays rugby on weekends locally.
Volunteered in an orphanage in
Guatemala in college. Known to
frequent Gen-Y watering holes
after work. No current girlfriend.
Very clean guy... except the
booze,too much booze in his life.
      (she stares out
       the window
Thank you. Great work. Bill me.
RUBY sits back in her chair and hangs up the phone. She goes
out on her balcony with GNIT. She dials her sister HOLLY.
The peregrine falcon flies menacingly overhead. RUBY shoos
GNIT into the office and shuts the door.
Holly...it's me. Wow! What a wild
12 hours! It's not even a whole
day yet. You heard about the whole
thing by now, from Mom and
Screen splits between them. HOLLY is eight months pregnant.
She is up on a ladder stenciling a wall while her four year
old son zooms in the background with Transformer toys. HOLLY


balances her phone on the paint tray. It is on speaker
phone. She wobbles a bit and recovers her balance.
Yeah, I saw it all play out on
FACEBOOK. It's bizarre how it's
all so PUBLIC! You're going to get
thousands of comments on this,
sister. Are the cops arresting
him? It's totally awesome that you
and Heather solved the crime
yourself, but it was really rash
of you. But, this is why I live
vicariously through you...the
'burbs are boring!
One problem. Now I'm thinking he
is a total screw up. I did a
background check on him. He seems
to be a dopey frat boy who got
drunk and made a mistake. The cops
haven't called me back yet, and
now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't
have him arrested. I mean,
actually, I got everything back. I
got my revenge. I mean, he PEED
himself, for God's sake. Maybe I
should just let him go. If I turn
him in, I might ruin his life!
I have to get off this ladder. Are
you saying you are actually
thinking of dropping the charges?
He sent me flowers and made a $500
donation to Alex's Lemonade Stand
in my name. He's not such a
Is he a stockbroker?


Yes! He handles people's money! He
said he is a pretty good trader,
but the market is tanking and he
lost his biggest client yesterday.
That's why he went out and got
drunk. Why do people trust college
boys to invest for them?
      (on the ground and
Please, Ruby! Listen to yourself!
What if he's a "MINI-MADOFF" and
mishandles other people's money?
He has an unblemished record,
except for the drinking. I think
he was really sauced and he made a
terrible mistake! I think he needs
not to get drunk so much.
What, now you're going to take him
to AA? Listen to yourself...you're
defending him!
      (thinking about it)
Well...I wouldn't take him
personally, but I don't think it
would be a bad idea for him.
I can hear it in your voice, rough
on the outside, soft inside. What
does Wesley think about all this?
He must be furious.
      (raising her
Well, he is not happy with either


                       RUBY (cont'd)
of us. We kind of had a fight
about it.
      (looking at her
       phone with
You are not falling for this crap,
are you? You were always for the
underdog... You think about what
you are doing here. Call me back
when you make your decision. I
love you.
      (looks out the
       window at the
       falcon's nest)
Love you, too. Bye.
RUBY puts on her jacket and gloves. She walks through her
office and opens a door in the hallway.
This is a no-dialog, all-visual scene. Music is Terrence
Howard's "SANCTUARY" (with his permission).
RUBY enters a door in the office. She is dressed for
outdoors with a jacket and gloves on. It looks like a
closet, but it is creepy and dark with a ladder in it. It is
old and creaky. She ascends the ladder purposefully and
opens a trap door at the top. She exits into a small round
stone cupola at the very top of the building. The wind is
fierce and whips her hair. She shakily surveys the entire
city below her. The day is windy and beautiful. She slowly
makes a 360 degree turn to see the rivers south and west.
She hears some sudden rustling behind her and turns quickly
and is startled. The peregrine falcon has flown over from
City Hall and is screaming and batting her feathers
threateningly at RUBY. She is shaking violently as she
realizes how scary this bird is. She is mesmerized by the
falcon's beauty. She thrusts her right arm out to the bird
and holds it still. The bird flies onto her wrist and looks
right into her eyes. RUBY is transfixed by the moment. The


bird is calm on her wrist for just a few seconds. She raises
her arm and the bird takes off and soars off to her nest
across the street in City Hall. The song ends.
RUBY is at her desk, faithful GNIT is on the couch next to
her desk. The iPhone rings. She picks it up. Split Screen.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Hello, Ms. Heath...Detective
Nardello. I just want you to know
that I have obtained the search
warrant and arrest warrant for
Liam McAloon. I'll be serving him
at his apartment today at about
Never mind, Detective. I've
decided not to pursue this matter
any further.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (shakes his head)
Excuse me, Ms. Heath, what exactly
are you saying? Do you want to
drop the charges?
Yes, that's what I'm saying. I
don't want him to be arrested.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (softly again)
Uh-mm, I went to his apartment
last night and I got everything


                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Are you telling me that you did
this by yourself?
No, I took my girlfriend Heather
with me.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Oh, I see. So your money,
computer, tax returns, wallet,
credit cards...everything was
      (shakes her head
Yup, that's what I'm saying!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (getting annoyed)
I see. Did he give them up
willingly or did you and your
sidekick, Heather, do something
      (parsing her words)
Shaky, maybe, but not illegal. He
was really drunk. He's just a
sloppy kid. He swears that it was
accidental and that it was the
worst mistake of his life! I did a
background check on him and he's
clean. He never had any priors.
Just a stupid, drunk frat boy.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
So now you did all my work again?
You wouldn't consider a job with
the police department, would you?


      (trying to extract
Thanks, no. I think our work here
is done. Thank you, Detective.
Good day!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Well, I think you should charge
him, but I can't make you. I think
you are making a big mistake,
Ma'am. Good day, Ms. Heath!
RUBY turns off the iPhone and flips her laptop open. She
goes onto FACEBOOK and privately messages with LIAM. The
rest of the scene is typewritten.
You're off the hook.
Serious. I'm dropping all charges
against you...if you do a few
Name them... Rob a bank? Just
kidding! What is it? I'll do
anything you want.
Alcoholics Anonymous for you and
the dog park and a groomer for
your pooch! Man up!


You think I'm an alchie with a
dirty dog???
Yes, I do!
Ouch! That's harsh...
Yeah, start with some apartment
cleaning and some dog grooming.
That pee spot on your carpet
wasn't from your dog! She needs
walking/grooming STAT! You need AA
You're a lifestyle coach!
Don't sass me, McAloon! I can make
that warrant happen real quick
again! Clean yourself up, man! I
want immediate action on this!
Today, and you better do it! I
have ways of checking on you!
I'm eternally grateful, right! I'm
calling a carpet cleaner as soon
as I get done with you, deep
cleaning, dog grooming and maybe
some AA meetings for me.
Forget the deep cleaning, just rip
those repulsive carpets up! No


                       RUBY (cont'd)
"maybe" about the meetings. I want
to see a 90 days sober pin in your
possession in 90 days...I'll be
checking. Get on with it now!
You're exhausting me.
I am in your deep debt, Ms.
Heath...thank you!
Ruby...thanks again. I am humbled.
RUBY closes her laptop and sits back in her chair. She
closes her eyes as the sun starts to fade against the
backdrop of Billy Penn's statue atop City Hall.
RUBY walks into WESLEY'S office. The winter sun is sinking
and the room is darkening. She is hesitant. WESLEY looks up
from his desk...he is drawing.
What's up?
      (she rubs her head
       at the temples)
I let him go.
      (a little
       surprised. He
       rises and goes to


      (unsure of herself)
Yea. He seemed very contrite,
maybe this was a teachable moment
for him.
      (small laugh)
Teachable moment? Now you're
      (moves her head
Not really. He's just a kid. He
screwed up. He is very sorry. I
told him to go to AA....groom his
dog and rip up his carpets...I
just don't want to ruin his life!
WESLEY embraces RUBY. She puts her head on his shoulder and
tears run down her cheeks. WESLEY pulls back and looks at
her face.
I'm sure it's been a very weird
day for you, hasn't it? I wish I
had protected you a little more,
but really, this is the problem
with hyper-competent women. They
do everything for themselves so
quickly and so well, then they get
pissed off that a man hasn't
stepped in for them. I had a
chance to cover your back... and I
just didn't think it was that
important! I never really thought
you were going to confront him. I
never thought you would do
something that dangerous and
impulsive! Sometimes I don't
really know when you NEED me.


Yeah...but I do need you
sometimes! A lot of the time. All
the time. I love you!
WESLEY kisses her and holds her for a long time.
I love you too, Ruby. You are such
a gift in my life. Friends now?
      (he takes her chin
       in his hand and
       looks her right
       in the eye)
Both of us? Liam and me?
      (She giggles)
Weirdly, yes. I don't know why I'm
feeling a little sympathetic
towards him. Maybe I have a little
"Stockholm Syndrome".
      (kisses her
You're a regular Patty Hearst. Get
back to work. Ruby...you're a good
person, you know that? Too good.
RUBY sits at her desk and opens her laptop to FACEBOOK.
She is shocked by the streams of kudos and comments she has
generated on her page. The camera can roll down the FACEBOOK
page and let the viewer see the many comments.


This is a silent scene. It is evening and LIAM is pulling up
the dirty carpet from his apartment. He continues cleaning
his apartment. His dog, JADE, is by his side.
LIAM walks through the door of a AA meeting room. He sits
down in a fold-up chair and listens attentively to a speaker
at the front of the room. When his time comes, he stands up.
Hi, I'm Liam and I'm an alcoholic.
The scene fades out.
Silent scene shows LIAM returning to the confessional to
speak to the priest.
Beautiful spring day. April flowers and trees are in bloom
everywhere. LIAM is sober now and walks JADE in the park. He
sees RUBY from afar. She is walking her two dogs, HENRY and
GNIT. He steps out from the lawn and falls in next to her
on the path.
Ruby, is it you?
Oh, Liam! Oh my God...I'm
surprised to see you here!
She moves defensively back and HENRY lets out a low
threatening bark. GNIT paces nervously back and forth,
yapping loudly.


      (pulling on the
Boys, stop! Stay! They're very
protective of me.
      (pulls back)
Point taken!
      (admiring JADE)
Oh! nice grooming job! What's your
puppy's name?
RUBY bends down to approach his dog. She wets her fingers
with her saliva and holds her hand out to his dog. The puppy
wags her tail and comes to her.
Jade. Her name is Jade. She likes
you! I can call you Ruby, right? I
feel like I know you, and I just
want to thank you for what you
have done for me. I want you to
know that I've been going to AA
for the last few weeks... It's a
little rocky and I don't know what
to do with myself at night after
the meetings, so I've been
cleaning a lot and taking Jade for
walks ...but I feel lighter,
somehow. Clarified, if you will.
Clarified. That's good. Really,
really good.
I'm so sorry for what I did...
really, really sorry. I feel
terrible about it.


It's all done. It's all over in my
head. I have to admit, I had a
little fun playing with you.
      (stands straight)
I'm all cleaned up now. But this
whole process has
Do you only use adjectives that
begin with the letter "C"?
      (picking up)
They both fall into an awkward silence. The dogs are busy
sniffing each other.
      (looks at her
I've got to get going...stay well.
Stay dry.
      (raises her brow)
Come on.
      (calls after her)
Cool! Ruby, it was great meeting


She walks away with her dogs. He watches her wistfully as
her fades into the crowd.
DR. DREW knocks on RUBY'S door. She has a small canvas bag
filled with gauze and bandages to redress VIOLET'S foot
after the procedure. RUBY opens the door for her and VIOLET
hobbles on tiptoe towards her. Dogs are barking and trying
to get attention.
                       DR. DREW
      (hugging all
Well, Violet, how's our patient?
      (shrugs her
It hurts a lot! But I'm getting
around. I can't wait to get this
dressing off.
She is so stoic Mom, really, not
complaining, but I can tell she is
                       DR. DREW
      (unpacking her bag
       and looking for a
       good spot to
       unbandage her
Are you taking the pain medication
I gave you? This is a good spot
DR.DREW pats a small landing on the staircase.
                       DR. DREW
Sit here, Honey. This is a good
spot for my back and the dogs
won't be all over us. Anything
stinky is a dog's best friend.


Gross, Mom.
                       DR. DREW
      (gesturing to RUBY)
Ruby, you sit behind her and I'll
take this dressing off. I'm
warning you, it's going to look
gross. I had to inject some
medicine in it that makes it
dissolve from the inside. It's old
fashioned but it doesn't leave any
scars. You don't want a scar on
your foot. Painful to walk on the
rest of your life, and you are a
dancer. The feet are your tools!
Sorry, Violet. This may be a
little painful.
DR. DREW proceeds to unwrap VIOLET'S foot to reveal a very
inflamed smelly looking mess. RUBY is sitting behind VIOLET
and DR. DREW looks up to see RUBY holding the girl tenderly.
Maternal instinct at last!
      (groans as she
       looks at her
       foot. All the
       color drains from
       her face)
I feel ..a little...
VIOLET faints and slumps in RUBY'S arms.
                       DR. DREW
      (barks orders to
RUBY, lay her flat! Now! I need
ammonia. Damn, She's fainted. Run
to the sink. Windex! I need Windex
on a paper towel, now!
RUBY lays VIOLET flat and springs to the sink. She is
spraying a paper towel and holding it out to her mother. DR.
DREW wafts it under VIOLET'S nose to revive her while RUBY
assumes her position behind her. She cradles her head with


one hand and has the Windex bottle in the other. RUBY is a
bit panic stricken. DR.DREW waves the Windex sodden paper
towel directly under VIOLET'S nose. She stirs slightly,
coming back into consciousness.
Don't Windex me, man...
                       DR. DREW
      (looks up at RUBY
       and VIOLET. RUBY
       and DREW laugh so
Wow! Don't Windex me, man...
That's the best post-faint
response I've had in ages!
Whew! Don't look, Violet. Let Mom
do what she does best.
RUBY turns VIOLET'S head away from her foot as they all
giggle with relief. The dogs are all excited now and
barking. DR. DREW cleans up the foot and puts some
antibiotic cream on the wound and covers it deftly with a
clean bandage. She takes VIOLET'S pulse.
                       DR. DREW
How are you feeling?
VIOLET looks sweaty and very pale. RUBY holds her.
A little nauseated, sweaty.
                       DR. DREW
      (holds more Windex
       soaked towel
       under her nose)
Breathe in. I know it smells bad,
but it helps. You'll feel better
very soon. You just fainted. It
happens a lot. I'm going to get
you a little water now. Ruby, you
keep holding her.


      (stroking VIOLET'S
       sweaty forehead)
Are you OK, little girl? You
scared me.
DR DREW gives VIOLET a glass of water. She sips slowly.
                       DR. DREW
      (looking at RUBY)
She's OK. Her foot actually looks
just like it should. It will take
a few more days. Violet, are you
feeling a bit better?
VIOLET perks up a bit and laughs.
We probably shouldn't mention this
to my Mom..
Yeah, I'll tell Wes though.
Or we could keep it our little
secret? Dr. Drew... That sounds so
formal. I don't know what to call
                       DR. DREW
Why don't you call me Anna?
      (still weak)
Oh, I'm not allowed to call adults
by their first name.
That's right. We don't approve.
                       DR. DREW
      (still sitting at
       her feet)
It does sound funny. Of course,
I'm not your grandmother, and you


                       DR. DREW (cont'd)
have two real grandmothers, lucky
girl. So I'm like a fake
grandmother... you can call me...
      (suddenly inspired)
FRAMMIE! You can call her FRAMMIE,
fake grammie.
I like it. Frammie.
                       DR. DREW
I like it too. I'll take all the
fake grandchildren I can get!
Don't Windex me! That's a classic.
They laugh and the scene fades.
This scene just shows comments after notes being forwarded
around FACEBOOK at a progressively faster pace, like the old
newspaper scenes in movies with the printing presses going
faster. This time it is RUBY and LIAM'S story taking ever
more permutations and comments on, till it hits a "viral"
point on the Internet.
RUBY is walking across the Square, with iPhone in hand,
talking to her mother with the Bluetooth on. Split screen
scene between RUBY and DR.DREW.
                       DR. DREW
Dr. Drew here...to whom am I
Hey, Mom, it's me. When are you
going to get a decent phone with
caller ID?


                       DR. DREW
Soon I guess. Hey, how are you?
It's the robbery that never dies!
                       DR. DREW
Now what? Tell me.
Have you ever heard of Gawker.com?
                       DR. DREW
No, should I? Never heard of it.
Holly said something to me last
night about Gawker.com, but I was
busy and not really listening.
What is it?
It's ba-ack! The robbery that
never dies. You won't believe
this. Gawker is a gossip website,
like Perez Hilton.
                       DR. DREW
Perez Hilton...I hate that kind of
crap! I don't waste my time with
that trash...what does that have
to do with you?
Unfortunately, a lot! Somehow this
whole "Girl Solves Own Crime With
FACEBOOK" thing has gone viral.
This website called Gawker.com has
picked up the story.
                       DR. DREW
Is viral good or bad, in this
It would be good if TUB Gin went
viral, but this is my "Caper"


                       RUBY (cont'd)
It's bad...I think.
                       DR. DREW
Whew! What's the deal?
So, what do I wake up to this
morning, but a big picture of me
from my FACEBOOK page, plastered
all over their website with
Complete with a blow by blow of my
caper. My phone at the office is
ringing off the hook...Now I'm
fielding calls from Good Morning
America and Evening news
anchors...and of course our own
Jennaphr Fredrick. The Chicago
Tribune wants to interview me.
People want to do podcasts. You
know I don't like publicity!
                       DR. DREW
You didn't seem so private when
you busted McAloon's door down
and got your stuff back!
This is different, Mom. This is
me, in front of a camera. You know
that's never been my thing. I'm a
behind-the-camera girl. Jennaphr
Frederick is coming to my office
to interview me. This afternoon.
                       DR. DREW
What does Wesley think about of
all this?
He thinks there is no such thing
as bad publicity.
                       DR. DREW
What about McAloon?


I've taken everything off my
FACEBOOK referring to him, but he
is very nervous...he could be
                       DR. DREW
You're not gonna out him, are you?
No, no. He's shitting a brick,
though. He actually got a little
snitty with me on FACEBOOK last
night when I told him about all
this. He threatened legal action
if he was outed!
                       DR. DREW
Did he forget that you have an
outstanding warrant with his name
on it?
Apparently, yes. Here's the weird
thing...I met him the other day.
                       DR. DREW
In the flesh?
Yes, at the Schuylkill River Dog
Park. I was so caught up with you
Windexing Violet, it slipped my
                       DR. DREW
      (paying closer
Wow! What was he like?
Contrite, puppyish...kinda sweet.
                       DR. DREW
      (draws back from
       her phone)
Ahh, God. Do you have a crush on


                       DR. DREW (cont'd)
No, no. Me, certainly not, but I'm
pretty sure he has one on me.
                       DR. DREW
This is completely bizarre! The
whole thing..."Virtual Intimacy
Caused by Virtual Reality". That's
what it should be called! This
whole affair is off the hook! Now
you know everything about
him...and he knows everything
about you! Where you work, where
you live, where you walk your
dogs, for God's sake!
I guess we have to put our focus
on...you know...how we live. It's
all exposed out there. We are
naked before God and the Internet!
Everyone's life is completely
public. I guess we have to live
our lives like MOM is
watching...cause she is, and so is
everybody else.
                       DR. DREW
Good luck with Jennaphr
Frederick...I always found her a
little chipper. Call me when it's
Enjoy your "Fifteen Minutes of
Bye, Mom. Love you!
                       DR. DREW
Love you, too!


RUBY is nervous as a camera crew from Fox 29 sets up in her
office. She has her laptop set up on her desk open to the
FACEBOOK page. She has been careful to delete anything with
LIAM'S name on it.
                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK
      (speaking to the
Here we have the strange tale of a
Philly girl whose story has made
it around the world. The power of
"social media", namely Facebook,
has spread her story virally, and
now weeks later, she finds herself
a gossip website, Gawker.com. Ruby
Heath had her computer bag taken
by the fellow next to her at the
bar of a well-known local eatery.
By the time the Philadelphia
police got to the restaurant, Ruby
had tracked down the thief from
his name on the receipt, on
FACEBOOK, knew everything about
him, GOOGLED his address and ID'd
him from his profile picture.
That's when she found out that
police have to follow procedure.
What happened next, Ruby?
Well, I decided to take matters
into my own hands after I found
out that the cops would have to
wait until the next day to get a
search warrant for his apartment..
The detective told me he was on
overtime, and couldn't do anything
until the next day!
                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK
Wow! That must have made you very
upset! What happened next?


      (pacing herself)
Well, actually, the whole thing
made me furious. I walked home in
the rain, broke my good high heel
on South Street and was accosted
by our local crackhead looking for
a handout. When I explained that I
had nothing to give him and told
him why, he actually planted the
seed in my head to take care of it
                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK
So, do you usually take advice
from crackheads?
      (trying to be self
Not normally, but he is a very
polite, well-spoken crackhead! I
see him all the time. He is a
neighborhood fixture!
                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK
      (raises her
Oh, that makes a difference...so
then, what happened?
      (plunges ahead)
Well, I thought about it for a few
minutes and I called my girlfriend
and we got into his building, and
eventually were able to confront
him, with the Supers help...and
then, he was really drunk...I saw
my stuff right there in front of
me. So, my friend, she grabbed the
bag, and well...I was able to get
all my things back.


                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK
      (pulling out the
So how did the thief take all
this? Did he fight back? Weren't
you two scared?
      (assured now)
As I said...he was very drunk.
There was really no resistance at
all. I was so mad just then, I
suppose I really didn't think it
all through. I was afraid that he
was an identity thief and that my
credit would be ruined if he got
hold of all that information. It
was everything, you know...social
security numbers, tax returns,
credit cards. It could have been a
disaster for me. I was working on
pure adrenaline.
                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK
So, you Friended him that night to
get his information and the next
day, the alleged thief goes on
FACEBOOK and "friends" you back
and finds out about all this?
Yes, basically, that's what
happened. He was never in any
trouble before, and after a lot of
thought, I decided not to pursue
charges. I mean, I got everything
back...it was never even touched.
I think he made a very big
mistake, but I don't think there
was any bad intent.
                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK
      (turns to the
       camera with her
       trademark grin)
Well, there you have it! This is


                       JENNAPHR FREDRICK (cont'd)
the City of Brotherly Love. Girl
solves own crime with iPhone and
FACEBOOK, gets her goods back
herself with a girlfriend, and
forgives her nemesis, all in one
day! All this, and the story gets
around the world in a few weeks by
the power of social networking...I
guess the moral of the story is,
hold onto your bag in public...and
there is no privacy for anyone
anymore, not even thieves! This is
what makes my job fun! Back to
you, Mike!
Interview ends. RUBY shows them out of her office, then
returns to her desk. Once again, she opens her laptop and
accesses FACEBOOK. LIAM is on private chat.
I'm afraid that someone will pick
up on my identity.
I've cleaned up my FACEBOOK
completely. I suggest you do the
same. Make sure all your
correspondence with me is in the
filtered box.
OK. I'm really not good with all
this exposure. I'm feeling really
Me, too. Between us, I'm done with
this whole thing. That interview
was unnerving! This incident has
to end.


Yeah... It's a little like
"Groundhog Day".
One of my personal faves!
Mine too! I feel a little like
Bill Murray. Maybe this is my path
to better personhood. Maybe you
are my Andie McDowell character?
Liam, you stepped over a boundary
again! Maybe this is the perfect
time to end this relationship!
This really has to stop taking
over my life!
Please, I'm not ready for that!
What, now you're gonna stalk me??
No, No! Nothing like that. It's
just that...you have really
changed my life, for the better! I
was really leading a, shall we
say, unexamined life. Now I'm dry.
I'm thinking about my actions
before I do them. I'm scared for
my future, and how I messed up. I
am so grateful for your
forgiveness, and I feel you have
kick-started my life. I'm not
ready to give you up.


All that is very flattering, but
maybe we really need to stop
communicating. I'm starting to
feel too much sympathy for you.
Really now, goodbye.
Good night...not goodbye.
RUBY closes her laptop and turns the lights off in her
WESLEY, RUBY and HEATHER walk into James restaurant to lots
of claps from the regulars. The segment has aired on TV and
is the buzz in town. MICHAELA, the pregnant owner, greets
       everyone with a
       big gesture)
Returning to the scene of the
crime! Only the criminals are
supposed to do that...not the
I am not a victim!
Yes, I think we all know that!
He is a gentleman and seats HEATHER and RUBY before he sits
down in the semi-circular booth.


Tub Gin & tonics all around! Tub
      (turns to RUBY)
So, that was a lot of
in-front-of-the-camera attention
for you. How are you holding up?
Wesley hugs her.
      (stirs her drink)
Tense, tired, you know. I just
can't believe how much attention
this little caper has garnered. I
don't like it. You know how
private I am.
Yes, I know. You seem a little
changed by the whole thing.
Changed...how has she changed?
You know, the braggadocio you
usually have, the swagger...your
sails are not so puffed. You seem
a little deflated. Just the
opposite for you, Heather. You
seem to be enjoying it way too
Uhmmm... maybe, I guess I learned
some lessons here.


What might those lessons be,
HEATHER folds her hands in the praying position.
Oh! That I have good, crazy
friends who will follow me into
hell! (she raises her glass to
HEATHER). That I am confused by my
feelings about the whole incident!
I feel mean and victorious, all at
once. Remorseful, that I shamed
Liam. Happy that I stood up for
myself. Uncertain of how much
you're supposed to stick up for
me, Wes. And ready to put it all
behind me. But I can't. It has a
cyberlife, all its own. My mom is
right. It is "Virtual Intimacy
Caused By Virtual Reality" Ha! I
just want it to go away!
Let's put this baby to bed! And,
By the way, I am ready to take
that bullet for you! I'm thinking
of having a bullet proof suit
made...That's how much I love you!
They drink and kiss.
RUBY exits her building onto Broad Street. It is busy in the
afternoon and she is rushing to an appointment. She is
completely caught off guard by DETECTIVE NARDELLO falling in
next to her on the sidewalk.


                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (speaks directly)
Nice performance last night, Ms.
Holy Moly! You startled me! Oh,
you saw the interview?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Didn't everybody? Thanks!
What, you have a problem with it?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Yes, I have a problem! I look like
an incompetent, as does the whole
department! You can't imagine the
flak I took today!
      (stops in her
       tracks and faces
Is this an official
conversation...'cause if it isn't,
I have to end it, now!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (calming down)
No, I'm sorry, can we just duck in
here for a minute...I need to talk
to you.
RUBY looks at her watch and sighs. They are outside the
Kimmel Center. He opens the door for her. She sighs again
and steps inside. He follows. There is a cafe inside.


                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (looks at her
       watch again)
Thanks, yeah. I'll have a skim
latte double shot espresso, small.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Crack might be cheaper.
He orders the coffee, while she sits at a small face table.
He comes back with the two coffees and sits across from her.
She looks at him for the first time and realizes what a
handsome man he is. He is mixed-race, with beautiful light
eyes. He looks at her with a much softer expression on his
face this time.
      (She has her legs
       crossed and is
       swaying her top
Thanks for the coffee. What do you
need to talk about?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
All of a sudden, I don't know. I
lost my train of thought. I had
this whole speech rehearsed about
how you made me look bad, made the
department look bad, acted
recklessly, let a perp off the
hook, terrorized the streets of
Philadelphia with your bad ass
vigilante justice...and right now,
I'm just lookin' at this perfectly
charming, lady-like girl, sitting
across from me and thinking, "Who
is this chick...and why can't I


So what, do I have to apologize to
you too? Do I have to worry about
your feelings, too? Is it not
enough that my boyfriend was mad
at me, that I had to practically
send the perp to rehab and
befriend him, and now you too?
Will this nightmare never end?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Madonne! Are you Italian?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Me too! What's your other half?
Irish! And a touch of Native
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
I'm half Italian,too! Plus a whole
lotta' brother!
Well then, I guess that makes
everything all right between us,
right, Paisan? I am sorry I put
you through all this. Dropping the
charges, it must all seem so
useless to you.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Yeah, I never think it's a good
idea to drop charges. Listen, you
be careful out there. I'm sorry I
was mad. I had no right. You were
honestly...pretty awesome. Not too
many guys would have the balls,
sorry, that you did. You're OK,


                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO (cont'd)
Ms. Heath. Crazy, maybe, but OK!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (he stands)
Martin. See ya.
Yeah...see you around, Martin.
They walk to the door. DETECTIVE NARDELLO holds the door for
her and they both exit onto Broad Street.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
Watch that Internet, RUBY! You
can't imagine the stuff that's
going on there! It's the new Wild
He tips his pork pie hat to her and disappears into the
She takes a deep breath, continues down Broad Street and
gets lost in the crowd.
RUBY is shopping for food after work, cruising up and down
the aisles, squeezing vegetables, smelling flowers, eating
bits of sampled foods that are out on display. She can't
shake the feeling that somebody is watching her. She turns
and scans her aisle several times, shrugs...and continues
with her shopping.
At the end of an aisle her cart intersects with a man's
      (LOOKS UP)


                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (points at her)
Hey! You're that girl!
Do I know you?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (touches his chest)
Yeah! I think so...it's me,
Curtis, the Super! From the
Oh. Curtis, the Super! Jesus
Christ, this never ends, does it?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Well, what did I do?
Oh, nothing! I'm sorry. I just
didn't recognize you. And I've
been under a little stress lately.
You look different...better.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
I'm not drunk all the time! I
clean up pretty good!
It's just that this whole thing
has taken on a life of its own.
I'm sick of it.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Yea, your little boyfriend must be
sick of it too! He has certainly
cleaned himself up! No more noise,
no more partying...taking that
little dog of his for walks, all
regular now. He's just a pillar of


                       CURTIS, THE SUPER (cont'd)
the community!
Well, that's good to hear. He's
not my boyfriend, you know, just
to be perfectly clear. There was
never anything going on between
us. I never saw him before that
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Hey, you don't have to justify to
me! You had me fooled though...you
were pretty slick. You and your
girlfriend! You two was HOT!
(laughing) You girls kicked some
butt! Those security girls were so
burned...I didn't hear the end of
it for days!! I tell you what. You
guys torched that place! It ain't
seen no action like that in ages!
That place so white, it's
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (holds his mouth)
Whoops! I didn't mean nothin' by
No offense taken...you have to
really get in my grill to offend
me. Anyway, thanks for your help
that night. I never did get to
thank you. I could have never
gotten my stuff back without you!
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (He pats his chest
It wasn't nothing. You thanked me


Thanks, just the same! Thanks! See
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (waves to her)
See you!
She turns and heads to the register and checks out.
RUBY is once again at her computer. She picks up her phone
and dials her Mom.
Mom, I can't go anywhere in Philly
anymore! I met Curtis, the Super
from Liam's building, at the Whole
Foods market on South Street last
night. Detective Nardello
surprised me outside the office
yesterday! I can't go anywhere
that people don't know me! I
didn't ask for any of this!
                       DR. DREW
Sorry, Honey, fame has its
problems. I got about twenty calls
from people after that Fox
interview. I hope you're not doing
any more.
You know what I always say about
Philly..."It's the Smallest Town
of All Big Cities"! It's almost
incestuous! You really can't talk
about ANYBODY, 'cause everybody
knows everybody else!! You should
try to lie low for a while...maybe
get out of town. Can you and
Wesley get away?
You must be kidding! I'll never do
another interview again! Why
anybody wants to call attention to


                       RUBY (cont'd)
themselves is beyond me. I wish we
could get away for a little, but
Thank God, we have too much work.
In this economy, we're grateful to
be busy.
                       DR. DREW
This too will all pass...just try
to stay out of trouble! You always
were a stinker! Gotta go.
Beautiful spring day at the dog park. People are jogging,
kids are playing. People are lounging on benches, walking
their dogs, soaking up the sun. RUBY is walking her dogs as
usual on a Saturday morning. She has the Bluetooth in her
ear and is chatting as usual. Split screen.
Hi Mom, what are you doing?
                       DR. DREW
Laundry, what else? Do people
think doctors have full time help
any more? We're the proletariat.
I'm sorry I didn't become a
lawyer, except that I would have
had to sell my soul to the
Are you selling pencils on the
corner yet?
                       DR. DREW


Then shut your piehole!
                       DR. DREW
      (playful argument)
When did you get permission to
speak to me like that?
Well, never, but what are you
gonna do about it?
                       DR. DREW
I'll hit you!
You and what midget army? You're
4'10 1/2" the last time I looked!
                       DR. DREW
      (mock outrage)
I'll stand on a step stool and hit
you .. I'm still your mother, and
I'll hit you if you need it! What
did you call me about, except to
harass me?
      (back to normal)
Ha ha. So, is Ian doing the Philly
Triathlon tomorrow?
                       DR. DREW
Yup, he's doing it. He must love
Are you going? I thought we could
go over to West River Drive and
watch him run into the turn


                       DR. DREW
Sure, I'm thinking about it. I
haven't watched him in years,
since he stopped winning
marathons, but I should be there
if he keels over from this
triathlon. It's his first tri, and
you know, these middle-aged men
like to croak when they're
competing. It would look shabby if
the widow wasn't present. Besides,
I could do CPR!
OK, love the gallows humor, but
he'll be fine. Come to my house
around 9AM tomorrow. We'll take
the Vespa 'cause there's no
parking there. We'll pull up on
the lawn and we can cheer him on.
                       DR. DREW
OK. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be
at your house at about 8:45.
Ciao! Momma!
RUBY continues her walk with her dogs. Once again, LIAM
startles her with a surprise visit at the dog park.
Jesus! Liam! What are you doing
I'm doing what you told me to
do...walking my dog! You haven't
answered any of my posts, Ruby!


      (stares straight
Oh, Liam, I thought we were going
to let this die a natural death!
Well, I don't want to do that!
You're way too important to me...I
don't want to lose our
relationship. I have tickets for
the Phillies tonight and I can see
from his FACEBOOK that Wesley is
busy. Do you want to go to the
game with me? I admit, I really
missed you... and I have a very
big crush on you!
      (trying to be hard)
That's the lack of booze talking.
Are you FACEBOOK creeping my
friends? But here's the deal...in
the real world, in my real life, I
love my boyfriend. I love my real
life...and I have to say, just
friends for us, Liam. No romance,
no Hollywood ending. That's all
bull and I'm a 100% no bull kind
of girl.
RUBY extends her hand to shake his. LIAM takes her hand and
instead of shaking it, he turns it over and kisses it
gently. She does not pull back. She removes her hand slowly.
He looks her straight in the eye. They are both a little
Now, get out of my dog park!
There's one closer to your house!
I'll see you on FACEBOOK!
RUBY walks away from LIAM with her dogs, HENRY and GNIT in
tow. LIAM is left at the park, with the freshly groomed JADE
by his side.


DR.DREW pulls up to RUBY's house in her cherry red Mercedes
coupe. It is a beautiful June day. She parks "Philly-style,"
slightly bumping cars on either end of the parking space
until she achieves her goal. She calls RUBY from the car
rather than go into her house.
                       DR. DREW
Hey, I'm here! I'm outside. You
should see the parking space I
I'll be right out. I have a helmet
for you.
                       DR. DREW
RUBY exits her house and DR.DREW exits her car. RUBY hands
her a helmet and they put them on. They get on RUBY'S bright
orange Vespa. WESLEY sticks his head out the door to them.
Be careful, Ladies! I'm going to
jog over to the turn-around in the
park...I'll meet you there on West
River Drive.
The ride takes them through Rittenhouse, over the beautiful
Benjamin Franklin Parkway, around the water-spouting Swann
Fountain and finally to the Eakins Oval in front of the
Philadelphia Museum of Art. They head down the road to West
River Drive. RUBY pulls up on the grass. They make their
way through the throngs of people to the turn-around point
of the Philadelphia Triathlon. The whole scene is shot from
a bird's eye view (the peregrine falcon). The city is in
full bloom and all the scenery is full of flowers, people
and green grass. There is a carnival atmosphere.
WOW! Big crowd!


                       DR. DREW
Yes, it's great! What time is it?
Ian should be here any minute. You
know he has his splits all
estimated ahead of time...so
compulsive! I hope he's on time,
otherwise he'll be sulking all
week. I must say, he is a great
      (turns her face to
       avoid someone)
I'm sure he's doing fine...oh no,
is that who I think it is? You
have got to be kidding me.
                       DR. DREW
      (scans the crowd)
What's going on? Who are you
talking about?
      (looking down)
Jeez, I think I just made eye
contact with Curtis, the Super
from that building. He's on the
other side of the street. Oh no,
he's heading this way.
                       DR. DREW
Avert your eyes! Maybe he'll take
the hint!
Ughhh! No chance, he has a dog
with him...a cute little pit bull,
of course...can't anybody leave me
Curtis, the Super, makes his way through the crowd with his
pit bull until he is right in front of RUBY and DR DREW.


                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (friendly and
Well, well, Ms. Heath! Very nice
to see you out this morning for
the Triathlon! And yet another
lovely girlfriend...do you travel
in packs?
      (nods politely)
Curtis! How nice to see you this
morning! This is my mother, Dr.
Drew! What brings you out today?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
She couldn't possibly be your
mother... she looks too young.
Nice to meet you, Ma'am.
He bows ceremoniously to DR.DREW. He extends his hand to
her. His pit bull is very obedient and sits pretty.
                       DR. DREW
I'm afraid you're a flatterer! I
understand you were instrumental
in my daughter's "Little Caper".
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Well, yes Ma'am, but I only had a
minor role. Your daughter here,
Ms. Ruby Heath, well, she was the
real star! And her girlfriend,
      (tight smile)
What are you doing here, Curtis?
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
I was a long distance runner in
high school. Ran for Roman
Catholic High School for Boys. I
like to see people run...I guess
you do too,


      (still tight)
My stepfather, Ian Levy is
competing today. We came out to
cheer him on. He should be coming
through soon.
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
Ian Levy, the podiatrist who won
the Philly Marathon long time ago?
      (annoyed now)
Yup, he's the one! Does it ever
end?? Does everybody in Philly
know everybody? I can't stand it
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
      (excited now)
Wow! He took care of my team in
high school! I love that guy! He's
your daddy! Awesome!
                       DR. DREW
      (shakes her head)
Everybody knows him...I don't get
it. He never opens his mouth at
home, but every where I go, people
know him! I think I see him, way
No! I think I see somebody else!
                       DR. DREW


Detective Nardello...now he has a
dog too?
                       DR. DREW
This is getting hinky!
Hinky! Where the hell did you get
that? Allentown?
                       DR. DREW
Yes, as a matter of fact!
      (turning her body
That's just queer! Don't say that
again...Oh God, here comes
Nardello,! He's seen me!
DETECTIVE NARDELLO comes through the crowd with his muzzled
German shepherd. He looks at RUBY and her mom, CURTIS and
his dog...sizes up the situation.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (smooth as ever)
Ms. Heath, beautiful day for a
triathlon! What brings you here?
      (eyes him)
Same thing as you, Detective.
Spectating...the ultimate
Philadelphia sport! We are a lazy
people, yes?
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (looks at DR DREW)
And your girlfriend?
My mother, Dr. Drew.
You remember Curtis, the Super
from the building. I'm sure you
interviewed him for my case! Let's


                       RUBY (cont'd)
see, who isn't here?
                       DR. DREW
      (taps RUBY)
Well, I hate to be the bearer of
bad tidings, but I think from the
looks of his FACEBOOK profile... I
see Liam heading this way, with
his dog too!
      (losing her temper)
Jesus Christ! This is too much!
What the hell, all I need is for
Cracky Crackerson to be here,
then my day is complete.
I can't take this another minute!
LIAM makes his way through the crowd with JADE on a leash.
She is excited by all the people.
Hey, RUBY! Wow, your mom, Dr.
Drew...I recognize you from your
FACEBOOK picture. Hi! Nice to meet
LIAM'S dog, Jade, is jumping and barking now. She starts
acting up with DETECTIVE BORDELLO's dog. From behind a tree
a voice calls out.
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
Hey, pretty Lady...don't I know
This can't be...Mom! Great, my
infamous friend Cracky is here
too. Oh God...here comes Ian!
He's doing great!! Look! Go Ian!
RUBY and DR.DREW start ringing the cow bells they brought
along for the occasion.


                       DR. DREW
      (jumping up and
Go Ian!!! Go! Oh Holy Shit!
LIAM relaxes his grip on his leash...JADE runs into the
crowd, agitated from the sound of the cowbells. JADE goes
straight for IAN'S leg. She latches on and takes a big bite.
He falls to the ground in pain. The spaniel is still latched
on. IAN hits the dog to get her off his leg.
      (trying to get the
       dog off)
Oh God! Don't punch the dog, Ian!
Stop it! Don't hurt Jade! She's
just a baby!!!
DETECTIVE NARDELLO jumps into the scene to get the dog off
IAN, but LIAM steps in to rescue his dog. Chaos ensues.
Leashes entangle as race continues.
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
      (he yells at Liam)
Get that friggin' dog off him!
      (wincing in pain
       on the ground)
I'm going kill this dog! I hate
dogs, don't you?
      (getting down to
       take JADE)
Leave my dog alone!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
You better back off McAloon,
before I ...


IAN pulls himself up, bleeding from the leg, mad as hell.
                       DR. DREW
Ian, are you alright?
      (angry and
Yeah, my race is ruined, but I'm
OK...friggin' smelly dogs!
LIAM and DETECTIVE NARDELLO are gesticulating wildly. RUBY
is trying to calm things down. WESLEY jogs into the scene
and sees the chaos.
      (surveying the
Ruby, what's going on here?
Dr.DREW and IAN are tending his wound. LIAM and DETECTIVE
NARDELLO are in each others faces with their dogs yapping
at each other. RUBY is distraught.
      (to LIAM)
What are you doing here? Haven't
you caused enough trouble?
LIAM is tugging on JADE, trying to control her. He turns to
RUBY and grabs her by the shoulder. He is very emotional.
      (to RUBY)
I...I love you...I can't help it!
WESLEY has had enough. His face hardens with anger.
I'll tell you what you're gonna
WESLEY punches LIAM right in the face and drops him. RUBY is
stunned, as is everybody else.


      (rubbing his jaw)
Did you all see that? Detective,
did you see that? Arrest him! He
hit me! That's assault!
                       DETECTIVE NARDELLO
I didn't see anything, man.
Everyone stares at LIAM, shocked by the whole scene. All the
dogs are barking. The other runners are streaming past. IAN
is disgusted that his triathlon has ended so badly. DR.DREW
dabs his leg with some tissues she had in a backpack.
Curtis! Did you see that! He hit
me right in the face!
                       CURTIS, THE SUPER
I didn't see nothin' after the dog
bite, man. Your dog took a chunk
outta' my podiatrist, man. I think
you better shut your mouth!
                       CRACKY CRACKERSON
      (from behind the
I didn't see nothin'! Just these
damn folks chasing nothin' for no
reason! (he takes another swig
from a bottle)
      (to LIAM)
Stay away from my family!
WESLEY points his finger to LIAM. LIAM is on the ground,
cowered by the punch.
      (to LIAM)
This is over, McAloon. No more
FACEBOOK creeping, no more dog
park meetings. No more flowers.
Take your sorry ass and get out of
our lives! Get a real life!


WESLEY! I didn't know you had it
in you!
Now holding RUBY in his arms.
      (face to face)
Consider yourself defended, Ma'am.
Is this it? Or should I get a
bullet-proof vest for our
WESLEY pulls RUBY close and plants a big kiss right on her
      (looks lovingly at
I think you better order a few.
WESLEY and RUBY hold IAN up and help him hobble away.
DR.DREW is right next to them. LIAM is on the grass with
JADE, dejected as never before. DETECTIVE NARDELLO and
CURTIS stand over him, keeping him in his place. Zoom out to
falcon's eye view taking in the River drive, the Boat Houses
and the Art Museum. The bird slowly circles back to her nest
in City Hall. Music swells. (Terrence Howard's LOVE MAKES
YOU BEAUTIFUL, with permission)
Silent scene.
RUBY is at the kitchen counter with her laptop. She is on
the FACEBOOK site.
Sign in...She hunts the FACEBOOK
home page for the right option.
She types Delete into her status.
Goodbye FACEBOOK. Computer and
scene close.


VIOLET and GABE are arm in arm with RUBY. RUBY is a radiant
bride. WESLEY takes her hand and they say their vows. Family
and friends are in attendance on a beautiful summer day at
the Water Works on the River. Babies, dogs, kids and Tub Gin
cocktails add to the festivities. DR.DREW and IAN dab their

DETECTIVE NARDELLO and CURTIS run pass each other on the
River Drive. They give one another the runner's nod.
CRACKY hangs out on South Street. He continues to be a keen
people watcher.

LIAM and his new girlfriend(found on FACEBOOK)enter a dog
shelter with JADE. They are taking a new puppy out for a
walk. The puppy lifts his leg and pees on LIAM'S pants.
The peregrine falcon takes her eyasses on their virgin
flights. They sweep out over the city in ever widening
circles. They fly over the wedding scene, The River Drives,
and back to City Hall taking in all life below.
Music swells. LOVE MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL by Terrance Howard


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From Robert Kent Date 5/3/2010 1/2
I thought this started out promisingly. However, it turned out that the characters are all shallow and act like teen-agers. When Reggie referred to Liam as an immature frat boy, I had to laugh, because she had no great claim to maturity herself. i'm probably biased because I don't like the idea of Facebook, but I don't think that viewers of this movie will want to see characters typing back and forth, back and forth about their feelings or their plans, unless they're really significant to the story. Far too many of the dialogue passages are much too long, mostly because they contain too much exposition and repitition. Reggie already mentions the contents of her bag that were stolen the first time, but then that information is repeated at least two or three more times. That may be what we do in real life, recounting a story to family and friends, but for a movie, you have to trust that your audience will remember what's in the bag, or at least remember that the items she lost were important to her. Along that line, the priest's talk and the dialogue from Reggie about what she found out about Liam in Facebook, for example were much too long. No actors are going to want to memorize such lengthy passages of dialogue unless it's like Hamlet's "to be or not to be." A couple of times in your scene descriptions you note where the camera should be pointed out. It's not the screenwriter's job to do that, especially in the first draft. The director and cinematographer will figure that out when they read your descriptions.

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