Screenwriter Community |
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by Luke Valle (rocker10541@yahoo.com)
Rated:
Genre: Comedy
User Review: NOT YET RATED
Issues arise between Chris and Julie when she and Joel share a kiss.
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
FADE IN:
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INT. KITCHEN - PARKER RESIDENCE - NIGHT |
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JOEL stands by the fridge. He pulls out a bottle of water
and a can of soda. He looks at them for a while. JOEL puts
the can of soda back in the fridge, opens the bottle of
water and takes a sip. |
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JOEL
Oh, who am I kidding? |
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JOEL put the cap back on the bottle, throws it back in the
fridge and takes out the can of soda. He opens it and takes
a sip and JULIE runs in through the back door. |
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JOEL does a spit take. JULIE runs up to him. |
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JULIE
He found out. It's my fault. I
told.
(slapping herself)
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
(rubbing head)
Oww. |
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JULIE
He's on his way over. |
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JOEL runs out of the room. JULIE follows. |
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INT. LIVING ROOM |
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JOEL heads for the door. JULIE still follows. |
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JULIE (cont'd)
Chris could be here any- |
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2.
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The door flies open and CHRIS enters, looking furious. |
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JOEL
(backing up)
Hey, Chris. |
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CHRIS
Shut up, you back stabbing
son-of-a-bitch! |
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JULIE SCREAMS. JOEL turns to JULIE. |
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JOEL
Why are you screaming? |
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JULIE
Oh, sorry, I thought he was gonna
hit you. |
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JOEL turns to CHRIS. CHRIS punches JOEL in the face and he
falls to the floor. JULIE runs up to CHRIS. |
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JULIE punches CHRIS in the face and he falls back. |
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JULIE (cont'd)
(shaking her hand)
Oww. |
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END OF COLD OPEN |
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FADE IN: |
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Black Screen. SUPERIMPOSE: |
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EARLIER THAT DAY... |
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3.
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INT. LIVING ROOM - THOMPSON RESIDENCE - DAY |
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CHRIS and JULIE are making out on the couch. JOEL sits in a
separate chair, channel surfing. |
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JOEL
This sucks. Six-hundred channels
and nothing to watch. |
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KATE enters. |
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Pause. KATE stares at CHRIS and JULIE. |
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KATE
Did you come here just to watch
them make-out? |
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JOEL
No. Chris has XFINITY. |
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KATE sits in another chair. |
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KATE (cont'd)
Way better than FIOS. They have to
dig up your whole damn yard to
that crap in, and for what? Half
the H-D channels of XFINITY? |
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JOEL
Kate, I just noticed something. |
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JOEL
Our friends are making out and
we're sitting here talking about
cable. |
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KATE
We both need to get a life. |
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4.
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JOEL
I've been meaning to do that for
the past three years. Oh, what
about your boyfriend? The deaf
one? |
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KATE
What do you mean "deaf one?" He's
the ONLY one. He's out of town
anyway. |
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Pause. HANNAH enters. |
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KATE
Please, come in, now. |
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HANNAH
Wow, I haven't felt this welcome
since... I actually haven't felt
this welcome here before. What's
up? |
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HANNAH
Oh, boredom. Been there. |
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HANNAH goes to sit on the couch, but CHRIS and JULIE, still
making-out, lie down on the couch. HANNAH sits on the
ottoman. KATE looks over at CHRIS and JULIE. |
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KATE
They better slow down or else
they'll hurt themselves. |
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JOEL
I know. Julie's so small, Chris
could swallow her whole. |
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HANNAH
He could snap her like a twig. |
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KATE
(heading for
thermostat)
I'm gonna turn up the A-C. |
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CHRIS and JULIE pull away from their embrace. |
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5.
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CHRIS
Okay, we're up, we're up. |
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JOEL
At last, they come up for air. |
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KATE sits back down in the chair. JOEL flips to a channel
and everyone sits up. |
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JOEL
Great, something that's good. |
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KATE
I know, all that's on anymore is
reality shows and all people do on
those shows is get drunk, commit
felonies, get pregnant and die. |
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CHRIS
With better acting. |
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JULIE gets up. |
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JULIE
I'm gonna get a snack. |
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JULIE heads for the kitchen. JOEL follows. |
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KATE
Who the hell's gonna stop you? |
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HANNAH laughs. |
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INT. KITCHEN |
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JOEL and JULIE enter and start going through the kitchen for
food. |
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6.
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JOEL
Hey, Julie, you busy this
Saturday? I was thinking of seeing
a movie. |
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JULIE
Can't. Chris and I are going to
dinner that night. We're gonna
check out that little Italian
place. |
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JOEL
Didn't Kate go there one time? |
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JULIE
Joel, would it be okay if I set
you up on a date? I haven't seen
you dating, like ever. |
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JULIE
Then, how about Kat? |
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JOEL
Fat Kat? The girl weighs
three-hundred pounds. |
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JULIE
Yeah, right. How about Gina? |
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JOEL
She weighs three pounds. |
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JULIE
Is there any girl in this town
that you find normal, or at least
healthy. |
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7.
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JOEL and JULIE bump into each other and look each other in
the face. JOEL kisses JULIE. |
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JULIE (cont'd)
Uh, we're missing FRIENDS. |
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JULIE runs out of the room. |
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INT. LIVING ROOM - PARKER RESIDENCE - NIGHT |
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JOEL and CHRIS sit on the couch together with ice packs on
their faces. JULIE paces behind the couch. |
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JULIE
Chris, it meant nothing. At least
I don't think so. Hopefully it
didn't. Did it? |
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CHRIS
It doesn't sound like nothing. |
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JULIE
Shut up! You lost talking
privileges when you punched Joel
in the face. |
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JULIE
I'm a girl, it doesn't count. |
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JULIE
I thought I told you to shut up! |
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JOEL
Wait, Chris, how'd you get here? |
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CHRIS
Nick stole his brother's car and
drove me here, badly I might add. |
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8.
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JULIE
Why didn't you bring Nick in here
and start a knife fight with
Joel.? Or, were you too lazy to
clean up the mess? |
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The sound of tires screeching comes from outside. |
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NICK, driving a TOYOTA, crashes through thee front door, and
the the entire front of the house. |
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JOEL (cont'd)
Nick! What the hell?! |
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The window rolls down and NICK pokes his head out. |
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NICK
Sorry. Oh, you're parents aren't
home, right? |
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JULIE
Nick, why did you drive your
brother's car through Joel front
door? |
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NICK
I didn't put it in park, stepped
on the gas pedal to make that
VRUUUUMM sound, it could've
happened to anyone. |
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JULIE
Nick, come out here. |
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NICK sticks his head back into the car and rolls up the
window. |
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9.
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JULIE
Chris, are you really so jealous
of Joel that you'd come over here
and punch him in the face, just
for kissing me. |
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JOEL moves further away from CHRIS. |
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CHRIS
No, Joel's the ass. |
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CHRIS
You kissed my girlfriend. |
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JULIE
Oh, you're bringing that up again. |
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CHRIS
Yes, because it pisses me off that
you've known both of us for ten
years and just when you decide you
like me, you like Joel. |
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JULIE
You got all of that from "Joel and
I kissed?" |
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JOEL
Yeah, that sounds kinda bitchy of
you, Julie. |
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JOEL
This isn't time to wallow in petty
details. |
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CHRIS
Wait, you didn't say that Joel
kissed you. |
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JULIE
Then why did you punch him?! |
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10.
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NICK rolls down the window and pokes his head out, again. |
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NICK
Why did you punch him if you
didn't know he kissed her? |
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JULIE
(mocking Chris)
Uhhh... uhhh... |
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JOEL
You deserved to have Julie punch
you out. |
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NICK
(laughing)
She punched you? |
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NICK
(sarcastically)
Oh, no. I better go home and get
my sister to save me. |
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JULIE
Yeah, I don't get that. I'm like
five-two, five-four and you're
nearly six feet, how did I punch
you out? |
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NICK
You should change your name to
Christina. |
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JULIE
Stop it! You're all inferior in
your own ways. |
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11.
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JULIE
Well, Chris got knocked out by a
girl, you ran into a house and
Joel kissed his best friend's
girl. You're all equally stupid. |
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CHRIS puts down his ice pack and walk over to JULIE. |
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CHRIS
Look, I don't care if you kissed
him, or he kissed you, or if
Thelma kissed Louise. But, if you
wanna be with Joel... now, you
have nothing to stop you. |
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CHRIS exits through the wreckage. JULIE sits next to JOEL.
He sits up and puts the ice pack on the coffee table. JULIE
turns to him. |
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JULIE
I hope your happy. You want me,
now you can have me all to
yourself. |
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JULIE
No. You ruined my relationship and
I'm never gonna forgive you for
this. Ever! |
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JULIE gets up and heads out throughout the wreckage. |
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NICK
I'm gonna head home, too. |
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NICK sticks his head back into the car, rolls up the window
and starts the car. The car jerks deeper into the house,
then NICK switches gears and backs out of the house. |
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JOEL sighs and lies on the couch. A chandelier falls from
the ceiling and smashes the coffee table. |
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END OF ACT ONE |
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12.
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FADE IN: |
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INT. KITCHEN - HOLLINGSWORTH RESIDENCE - DAY |
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HANNAH and JULIE sit at a table together. HANNAH drink a cup
of coffee and JULIE stuffs her face with buttered biscuits.
HANNAH watches her with disgust. JULIE looks up and realizes
that HANNAH is staring at her. |
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HANNAH
Nothing. Just, keep eating... fat
ass. |
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HANNAH takes a sip of coffee. There is a knock at the back
door. HANNAH gets up and answers it. ALEX and KATE enter. |
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HANNAH
Hey, Kate. So, this is Alex? |
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KATE
Yes. Hannah, this is Alex.
(signing to Alex)
Alex, this is Hannah. |
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ALEX signs "Hi." He and HANNAH shake hands. JULIE throws a
biscuit at KATE. |
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KATE
(signing to Alex)
And this is Julie. |
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JULIE continues to cram biscuits into her mouth. |
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KATE (cont'd)
(signing)
What's with her? |
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HANNAH
Well, apparently Joel kissed her,
then, Chris found out and punched
Joel in the face. Then, she
punched Chris out and Nick ran
into the front of Joel's house
(MORE)
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13.
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HANNAH (cont'd)
with his brother's car. Oh, and
Chris dumped her, too. |
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ALEX signs "THAT SUCKS." |
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JULIE
(sarcastically)
Oh, and here I am feeling so
freakin' happy! |
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JULIE starts crying as she continues to shove biscuits into
her mouth. |
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HANNAH
Yeah, she's not taking it well. |
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ALEX and KATE sit at the table as HANNAH closes the door.
JULIE reaches for another biscuit, but they're all gone. |
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JULIE
Where the hell are all the
biscuits?! Who ate all the
freakin' biscuits?! |
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JULIE
Shut up! I need my freakin'
biscuits or else I'll cut someone! |
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HANNAH grabs a basket of cinnamon buns and drops it on the
table in front of JULIE. |
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JULIE (cont'd)
Cinnamon buns! |
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JULIE starts cramming her face with cinnamon buns. The
others stare at her in awe. |
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KATE
There is seriously something wrong
with you. |
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14.
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JULIE
(mouth full)
I'm healing! |
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HANNAH
I think you need to talk to Chris,
and Joel. |
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JULIE
But, Chris won't talk to me. |
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JULIE
Oh, I wish I could talk to him,
but I don't want to. |
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ALEX signs "IF YOU DON'T TALK TO THEM, YOU'LL LOSE A FRIEND
AND A BOYFRIEND." |
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JULIE (cont'd)
Kate, what did he sign? |
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KATE
He said that if you don't talk to
them, then you'll lose them both. |
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JULIE
So, friends come and go...
(bites cinnamon
bun)
But, food is forever. |
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JULIE
I'm sorry that I don't eat
breakfast the way you do, Hannah,
but one CHEERIO can't last me 'til
lunch. |
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HANNAH
There's nothing wrong with being
healthy. |
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JULIE
Healthy is good. But, our society
frowns on anorexia. |
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HANNAH sits at the table. |
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15.
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KATE
Julie, stop picking on Hannah,
that's my job. |
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JULIE
Look, I'm in a bad mood. Just let
me stuff my face and be a real
bitch to everyone. |
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ALEX signs o KATE "IS SHE ALWAYS LIKE THIS?" |
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KATE
(signing)
No, she's just having a bad day. |
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KATE
He asked if she's always this
cranky. |
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JULIE
Great, my boyfriend hates me, I'm
losing my best friend and your
boyfriend thinks I'm a bitch. |
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HANNAH
I was kinda thinking it. |
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JULIE
(sarcastically)
Oh no, the bimbo thinks I'm a
bitch. |
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HANNAH
I'm not a bimbo. Slut maybe, but
not a bimbo. |
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KATE
Hannah, you're blonde and
retarded. You're a bimbo. |
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HANNAH
Joke's on you, I'm a brunette. |
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16.
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KATE
Yeah, you're a bottle blonde
bimbo. |
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JULIE
Guys, can we pause this discussion
and get back to my problem. I'm
not just losing a boyfriend, I'm
loosing two friends. |
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ALEX sings "THEN, GO TALK TO THEM." |
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KATE
Alex says you should go talk to
them. |
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JULIE
I can't.
(bites cinnamon
bun)
I just can't. Chris hates me and
Joel ruined my first REAL
relationship. |
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ALEX signs "IF YOU DON'T TALK TO THEM YOU'RE GUARANTEEING
THAT YOU'LL LOSE A FRIEND AND A RELATIONSHIP." JULIE looks
at ALEX confused, then turns to KATE. |
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KATE (cont'd)
He said if you don't then you're
definitely gonna lose them both. |
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JULIE throws her cinnamon bun on the table. |
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JULIE gets up from the table. |
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17.
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JULIE (cont'd)
I'll go talk to them. If they'll
want to see me again. |
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JULIE starts from the back door, but stops and snatches
another cinnamon bun. She starts to eat it as she exits. |
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HANNAH
What do we do while we wait? |
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KATE shrugs. ALEX reaches across the table and grabs a
cinnamon bun. He takes a bite out of it and turns to KATE. |
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HANNAH and KATE each grab one for themselves. JULIE pokes
her head back in form outside. |
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JULIE
Are they working today? |
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JULIE exits, again. |
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INT. STORE ROOM - SUPERMARKET |
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JOEL stacks several boxes in a corner. CHRIS enters. He
walks over to another part of the room, obviously ignoring
JOEL. CHRIS picks up some boxes and heads for the door, but
JULIE runs in, out of breath. |
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JULIE
(panting)
Chris... Joel... gotta talk. |
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JOEL
Julie, are you okay? You sound
like an obscene phone call. |
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JULIE
(still panting)
Just ran... all the way... from
Hannah's... dumbest thing... I've
ever done. |
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18.
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CHRIS
I'm not talking to either of you. |
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JULIE catches her breath, dashes to the door and SLAMS it
shut. |
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JULIE
Look, dammit, I just ran five
miles, in heels, to talk to you
guys and we're gonna freakin' talk
or something bad is gonna happen
to you! And I'll make it look like
a damn accident! |
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CHRIS and JOEL sit on a couple of boxes and stare at JULIE,
scared. |
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JULIE (cont'd)
Yeah, I have a temper. |
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CHRIS
What do you wanna talk about? |
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JULIE
The kiss. Joel kissed me. I want
to be with you, not him. |
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JOEL
Thanks, that really helps my
self-esteem. |
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JULIE
Joel, I'll get to you in a minute.
In the mean time, shut up.
(to Chris)
I like Joel, as a friend. But, I
like you more than that. I really
do. |
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JULIE sits next to CHRIS. |
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JULIE (cont'd)
Do you like me, again? |
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They kiss. JOEL rolls his eyes. JULIE gets up and walks over
to JOEL. |
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JULIE
Joel, I like you a a friend. And
hopefully, you can find a to like
me that way. Instead of the way in
(MORE)
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19.
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JULIE (cont'd)
which I like Chris. Okay? |
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JOEL
Julie, how long have liked
Chris... that way? |
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JULIE
About five, six weeks. |
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CHRIS
Yeah, and I've liked her since we
were eleven, you know that. |
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JOEL
Yeah, and I've liked her that way
since third grade. |
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CHRIS
Now I feel like crap. |
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JOEL
At first, I was okay with it,
but... when you started talking
about setting me up, I realized
that I might never meet a girl I
liked as much as you, who liked me
back. |
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JULIE
Joel, trust me, you'll find a girl
who'll love you. Then, maybe
you'll get married. |
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JOEL
Uh-huh, but when does sexual
intercourse enter that picture? |
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JULIE
It enters, trust me, it enters. |
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JULIE puts out her hand. |
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JOEL shakes her hand. |
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20.
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JULIE turns to CHRIS. |
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CHRIS (cont'd)
Now that we're one big, happy,
sickening family again, can we get
back to work before we're fired? |
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JULIE
Oh, yeah.
(heading to door)
Sorry. |
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JULIE pulls on the door knob as JOEL goes back to stacking
and CHRIS picks his boxes. JULIE struggles with the door,
then looks back at the guys. |
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JULIE (cont'd)
Guys, hypothetical question. How
much oxygen is in this store room?
Ya' know, to last for three
people. |
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CHRIS
Julie, baby, are trying to tell us
that we're locked in here? |
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JULIE
Oh, wait. I have my phone with me. |
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JULIE reaches for her phone in her pocket. |
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JOEL
Julie, there's no service in here. |
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JULIE pulls her hand out of her pocket and starts banging on
the door. |
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CHRIS drops his boxes. Him and JOEL walk over to the door
and start pounding on it with JULIE. |
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21.
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INT. LIVING ROOM - HOLLINGSWORTH RESIDENCE - NIGHT |
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KATE paces. ALEX lies on the couch. HANNAH enters with a tub
of HÄAGEN DAZS and a spoon. She starts eating it as she sits
on a chair to left of the couch and turns on the TV. |
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HANNAH
I don't know, it goes straight to
my ass. You'd think I'd know
better. |
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KATE
Don't you get that in a few
minutes, Julie will come in and
tell us if the dynamic of our
friendships with the guys will
either stay the same or if the
only guy friend we have left is
Nick. |
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HANNAH
Well, now you've ruined my
appetite. |
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HANNAH puts the ice cream on the coffee table. |
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ALEX sits up and signs "WHAT ABOUT ME?" |
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KATE
(signing to Alex)
Okay, you and Nick will be our
only guy friends. |
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HANNAH
I still don't have my appetite
back. |
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NICK enters through the front door. |
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HANNAH
God, I'll never eat again. |
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KATE
Have you seen Julie? Chris? Joel? |
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22.
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NICK
No, that's why I came here, I
thought maybe you guys have seen
them. Chris was supposed to come
over to my house after work, but
he never showed. |
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HANNAH
Oh, that's a good sign. |
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ALEX signs "WHAT'S GOING ON?" |
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KATE
How is that a good sign? |
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HANNAH
It probably means that they're
having make-up sex. |
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KATE
How can they have make-up sex if
they haven't even had first time
sex? |
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ALEX again signs "WHAT'S GOING ON?" |
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HANNAH
There's a first time for
everything. |
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KATE
Yeah, hence the term "first time
sex." |
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ALEX starts flailing his arms around trying to get
everyone's attention. They all turn to him. |
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KATE (cont'd)
(signing to Alex)
What is it? |
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ALEX rolls his eyes and flops back down on the couch. As he
does this, CHRIS, JOEL and JULIE enter. JOEL walks over to
the couch, as CHRIS and JULIE hang onto each other in a
sickeningly adorable way. Their're clothes are ripped in
many spots and are covered in dirt. |
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KATE
Where were you guys? |
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HANNAH
Who cares?! Who's dating who? |
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23.
|
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JOEL
We got trapped in a store room at
the supermarket. |
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JOEL
Jumped out the window. |
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ALEX sits up and signs "WHAT?" |
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HANNAH
Thank god! For a minute I thought
that Nick would our only guy
friend. |
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ALEX starts flailing her arms around, again. |
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JOEL
I'm gonna go do something better
than watching some old movie. |
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JOEL heads for the door, and starts to open it. |
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HANNAH
Marilyn Monroe's in it. |
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24.
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JOEL slams the the door shut and backs up to the couch and
sits. |
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JOEL
On second thought, maybe I'll
stay. It's a classic you know. |
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ALEX puts his hands on his face and lies back down on the
couch. |
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THE END |
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